Happy New Year.

Hooray for the wine-glass philosophizing. Happy New Year and thank you, thank you, thank you for your writing. You always cheer me or calm me or both.

And Grandma looks fabulous!

I've read your blog for over a year so it's time to finally delurk. You are so right about not asking personal questions, especially at the holidays. I come from a nutty family and I can't remember the last normal holiday we had together. The last thing I want to do is have to explain them to the people I work with.
Thank you for writing with such honesty about life. It's make me feel a little less crazy.
Here's to getting started on a whole new year!
ps- I love the Roy and Grandma looks great :)

as someone 'enjoying' my first post-divorce christmas, i hear ya. xo

Thank you! And Grandma does look good, she's coming along so well. She's been working hard, that one is a fighter I tell you what.

I know people only ask questions out of habit, making chitchat. I just hadn't realized I'd changed.

Roy is doing good, too, he's hanging in there. He snores and purrs at the same time.

I hear you on the wanting to sit it out, I am far from my family and missing them, but its good to make yourself go out sometimes too. Wine-glass philosophizing is never bad :)

Laurie,
I highly recommend Jon Kabat-Zinn's books, "Coming To Our Senses" and "Wherever You Go, There You Are," for the whole living in the moment/mindfulness philosophy thing. Very helpful and feels good, too. 2007 will be an amazing, watershed, turning point, etc. year for you. How could it not be? Be patient. Believe.

Thank you, Aunt Purl, for all you do. Happy New Year!

First time commenter, long time reader.

I am glad you have people who care about your happiness. And I'm sure you realized that you must have made at least a few people at the hospital happy.

Love your Wine-Glass Philosophizing. And from scratch includes Duncan Hines!

As a single mom of two teens who lives with her mother (mom would say she lives with me - but you get the picture), being in charge of Christmas has been getting to me for several years. This year. I scaled way back. Had a non-traditional dinner. Invited two other single women (one with two teens, one my mom's age) to a steak and potato dinner. We all sat around drinking creamy drinks and eating cookies and talking about nothing and everything. I decided not to live up to other people's expectations this year. I decided not to wish there was someone to share the burden. It takes a little doing, but being content in this time and this space made both Thanksgiving and Christmas the calmest, serenest holidays I have had in years.

I highly recommend being happy in the moment and not wishing it were all different! Make it as different as you want. Create new traditions. Relax and live the life you have today.

Kathleen, truer words were never spoken. I am so glad you had a calm, lovely holiday. Mine was unexpectedly great. I liked just standing there taking pictures. Happy.

I'm glad you had a good Christmas. I thought about sitting it out this year and then thought about what my mom's reaction to that idea would be. In the end, I'm glad I went.
And, personally, I think wine glass philosophy is the best kind.

In vino veritas, baby.

I'm glad you had a happy Christmas and got through it in one piece. And yay for wine-glass philosophizing.

I'm sitting here smiling at you! I remember the first year, the secong year, all the different stages. And I love your description of your day with Grandma and how your cat's torment your tree! For years we would only put cardboard ornaments near the bottome of the tree, but now my cat's are kind of boring and ignore the tree.

New year, new start! I think 07 is full of promise myself.

Laurie -- you were born in 1971, the Year of the Pig, or Boar, in the Chinese Zodiac. This is one thing I read about your sign:

"Pigs make great companions in part because of their refusal to see the more negative or base qualities in a partner, but that rose-colored view can lead to this Sign's allowing itself to be taken advantage of."

Your 36th year will be a significant one, because the Chinese system is based on a 12-year cycle. My mother told me that 36 was a very important age in a woman's life, so look forward to 2007 and all the changes and surprises in store for you!

I have this cousin. He's got the great job, and the perfect house, three kids with trendy names, the sweet wife who takes all their pictures, and CUTS all the meaning out of them by scrapbooking every hangnail. I have nothing against him, it, the kids or her, but they ALL spend so much time trying to have the perfect EVERYTHING that they miss all those sweet, look what I just discovered because I wasn't where I was supposed to be moments that are the best in life. We don't need things to be perfect, just right. Happy Holidays, what ever that might mean to you... :)

Wow, that made me tear up a bit. You hit it right on, my dear. Kudos to you.

May this next year be the best year for both of us. :) Wishing you all the happiness in the world!

I was sad when I was 5 years old and found out that cats eating tinsel = sparkly poop, but that sparkly poop = bad, not cool.

Laurie, if you ever want to feel less lonely for xmas, you're welcome to come spend the holidays with my in-laws. It's extra-special when you get to listen to my MIL talk around her food at the table.

thank you for sharing your Christmas with us. although I don't have a divorce experience, I do live far away from home and can relate to the whole 'inappropriate questions' comments.(may I also add that I HATE the 'so when are you two getting married' comment....but i won't rant about that here..)

but the best part of your blog, was the wine-glass philosophizing...funny how it kicks starts your brain isn't it?

and yes, your grandma looks fantastic..

happy new year, to them just getting better:)

Happy New Year and thanks just for being you!

I have just started reading your blog and love how honest you are. Happy New Year.

Beautiful, Laurie. En Vino Veritas. Thank you.

You made me cry, but in a good way.

Four years ago, I was left speechless all Christmas season when people asked "What are you doing for Christmas?" and "How was your Christmas?" My husband had had a stroke on December 13th at the age of 48 and I wasn't sure if he would ever recover well enough to ever make any sense again. I spent Christmas at the rehab hospital, and spent half of it wanting to strangle the people who didn't come visit the other patients. My Mom couldn't come be with me because she was taking care of my very sick Dad back at home, but she called every day.

Dave had to learn how to hold a spoon and get dressed and walk and everything all over again. This Christmas he is able to drive a car with some handicapped restrictions -- he JUST got his license approved.

Thank you. You are so, so wise to say what needed to be said about all the usual holiday "whatcha doin for Christmas" questions. We never know what life has thrown at someone else, and the most mundane question can be terribly painful to someone who just had a major upheaval.

Like we say here at home -- it needed sayin'.

Hugs,

Dez, who is SO glad you had a happy Christmas!

I'm glad you had a good Christmas. Sometimes the best and most meaningful traditions are the ones you make up yourself. Nothing wrong with that!

Laurie, traditions are like rules. It's more fun when you break them. I've seen people so unhappy because they aren't having turkey (or ham) or the weather is too cold (or too hot) or they can't afford a tree (or it's not the right kind of tree), etc. etc. etc. that they can't have fun. Why waste time yearning for the past and not enjoying the now. Christmas is for the joy of giving love and receiving love. You've certainly got that part perfect. Thanks for sharing the pictures and story of your weekend. Forget about traditions next year and enjoy all the love that will surround you in 2007. You're a talented writer and a beautiful human being. Wishing you success, health, joy, and especially peace. Happy next year.

I avoid personal questions all year long. Ha! Most of the time I don't care what people are doing. If I care, I ask. I refuse to play games and make nice. I LOVE your cats. And your blog.

So glad you found yourself surprised by joy. And I'm guessing that you spread quite a bit of it yourself, there at Grandma's place, with your yummy cupcakes and your ear-to-ear smile. That's the way a holiday should be. :-)

Ah, Laurie, I have found out that important truth -that if you move away, your problems just move
with you. And one you've also found out - the
world is made for couples and it can be damn hard
to be single at times. But if we are, we just have
to make the best of it, whichever way we choose according to our personalities.

I hope you and your cat family and people family
have a pleasant New Year.

Shirley in New Zealand

You wrote: "Sometimes I catch myself saying, "But I don't WANT it to be this way," or "WHY is this happening?" and it's all useless, just a waste of time, because I will never change what is, I can only change how I am."

I think that is really true about life in general and not just relationships because I catch myself thinking those things all the time, when I think I would be happier if I could just go with the flow. I am working on it.

PS The cupcakes look delicious!

Frank and I are reading your blog AT THE SAME TIME...Now that's a little scary!

Frank: "She's really pretty!" Scrolls down to see more Roy-and-tent photos. "These are GREAT! We should get one of these for the kitties! I love this one of Roy looking all disgruntled in the background!"

Great post - glad you had a better Christmas. It does get better, it really does. I'm 42 now, but I turned 36 a month after the divorce was final, and it was 2000, the Year of the Dragon, MY year, and damnit, I got divorced. Didn't seem fair at all, particularly since the previous Dragon year was the year I got married.

A lot of times, when I don't know why something had to happen, I look up at the heavens and say to God, "What the HELL was that for?" or "Ya know what, Big Guy? I can't WAIT to see what that was all about."

Sure enough, eventually, it makes a certain kind of sense.

Seven years out, I am MUCH happier than I ever thought I could be. But lucky YOU! You're going to be 36 and you've already put so much of the pain behind you! Really, you're about where I was FOUR years out, and I am so proud of you!

I found your blog about a week ago looking up knitting things on the internet, and crazy though it may sound, I went to the beginning and read a lot...I think I will be stopping by often, and you have inspired me both to start a blog myself, and to knit more. Cheers, love, and have a happy new year.

I remember what I was looking up now! I was looking for a picture from the Gilmore Girls knitting episode. Alright...cheers!

I'm glad you had a lovely Christmas. Everyone looks so happy in your pictures. :)

As one who passed the 36 mark a couple of years ago, I can attest that there's something seemingly magical about that age. My life has markedly improved since then. Here's to a fantastic '07 for you! Happy New Year!

Wow. I just love reading your blog. You make me laugh, you make me think, and you make me wish I could express myself as well as you do. Lots of times I read your posts and think "Man, I thought I was the only one who felt like that!" Thanks for sharing your thoughts with your readers.

Love you Sweetie!
Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful furry family, oh and the people family too.

Happy Holidays!

Laurie, this post would be a perfect example of why I love to start my day with your blog. A bonus Roy picture, too!

You are so right about making the best of what we've got, especially during the holidays, when we are laboring under the delusion that everything must. be. perfect, even if our lives, families or circumstances are far from it.

This year, I lost my mom (quite expectedly, to cancer) and my partner lost his dad (quite unexpectedly, in an accident), so we had two very incomplete, grieving families faced with a lifetime of grand, happy Christmas traditions that nobody wanted to even think about this year. I finally made the executive to let everyone do as they pleased. My dad wanted to be alone for Christmas, and I had to chew on that one for a good long while, but I accepted it. Everybody who wanted to be here had a family Christmas with lots of crying and memories - and an astonishing amount of good times, too. "Getting through" Christmas seemed like a chore at first, but it turned out much better than I could have hoped for.
As for 2007? Go grab it and make it yours, girl! Look at it this way - it's going to be the best 2007 you'll ever have :o).

Something you said in this post reminded me of the fact that I sent you a little something in the mail. Have you checked your mail recently? Shouldn't have taken too long, since it was coming to you from San Diego. Hope it got there safely.

Have an excellent new year. And, by that, I mean the whole year, not just any festive events involved in celebrating it's beginning (never been one for that).

I'm so glad you sound so much more positive this year. You would have lit up all of those lives in that home where your grandma is so be proud of yourself.

I turned on the computer to check my work email before I head back to the office today, but as usual got sidetracked along the way. I'm so glad you had a nice holiday. And thanks for the encouragement about having a non-traditional holiday. I've been "in charge" of Thanksgiving and Christmas since my Mom passed away 5 years ago, and I can never seem to live up to my family's (read, my Dad's) expectations about what food to serve, how to decorate, even what dinnerware to use. This year I was a tiny bit rebellious and used red and green paper plates and clear plastic utensils. Next year, it's all going to be on my terms. I promise. BTW, Grandma looks beautiful. Take care.

in case no one's told you yet today, i just love you. :)

Awesome, awesome, blog entry. Thanks for getting real. The holidays are really in need of people enjoying them, and not living up to an expectation. It's too hard! And no fun. But to just enjoy the people around you, without worrying if there's magic in the holiday, makes the best memories. You rock.

Laurie,

Your GM looks wonderful! I love your wine-glass philosophy, thank you for sharing. 2007 will definately be LAURIE'S year!! You have come along way and based on your postings you are making ABSOLUTELY GREAT progress!! I wish I were as strong as you!!

Have a wonderful 2007! I look forward to your daily dose of humor, philosophy and of course Roy!!

OMG. Wishing I could change what is, and wishing I could wake up and find myself someone else, somewhere else: two fun activities that sneak up on me sometimes at 3 am. What keeps me anchored in reality (aside from the fact that it usually has its teeth firmly clamped on my backside) is, trite but true, the love of family and friends. You're already there, of course, clever old you. Happy New Year, Laurie. We love you.

congratulations!! you made it all the way from "there" to "here"! If you moved and went somewhere that no one knew you, you would still have this internets fan club (friends). You can run but you can't hide!

Merry Christmas, Purl! You bring a lot of joy into people's lives every day; you deserve a happy holiday.

My Christmas has been particularly up and down. I lost my best friend this year, and Christmas without her has been hard. I'm also been dating the same man for years, but we don't spend holidays together. I used to think I liked that together-but-separate thing, but this year it felt lonely and cold. My parents were good this year, though, sometimes things are unpleasant with them, but they were warm and welcoming. And I enjoyed my sister's kids for the short time I saw them. And this year I made many, many batches of cookies for all my friends, neighbors and co-workers, which was the best part of the season. So, a little good, a little bad - much like life.

Oh, Laurie, I better get my comment in before there are eleventeen-hundred. I love you and I'm proud and happy of how you are feeling and all that you've accomplished. Keep it up, girl! You are an inspiration.

Sounds like a great weekend Laurie! A toast to many good weeks and weekends for 2007!

Anytime you want to escape LA you are welcome to come to MN.

As an about to be 38 recently single not by my choice slightly dazed and confused woman let me say Thank You. Your blog makes me feel not so alone and maybe like I am not crazy with everything floating around in my head! Thanks again you are wonderful! I think 2007 is going to be your year too!!

Grandma looks wonderful - as does everyone else there! Cupcakes looked good and totally botulism free!

Love you philosophy and I am doubting the wineglass has much to do with it. I look forward to the book (hint hint)..hugz and Happy New Year! (kiss the cats for me!)

Laurie, thanks for your honesty...if you don't mind I am going to remember your words and use them for comfort in the next few months during my own recovery from what should have been a "happily ever after". And yes, the questions from the co-workers are the worst!

That was a beautiful post, Laurie. Sometimes it's so hard to just "be here now", I guess it takes practice. I, too, went to visit a nursing home where my dad is, and let me tell ya, those people were a blast! It made me feel better about getting older and that was a great Christmas present. I'm glad you had a good one, and I look forward to being your innernet friend in 2007!

I get depressed around this time of year because I thought my life had very little meaning and very little love in it. I've always thought that my family is messed up and I will never be sane because of it. Reading your thoughts, reflections, and wine-philosophizing really helps me in a way. This was the first year that I understood that family is what you have and you should cherish every crazy moment you have with them and reading this blog entry really reminded me of that. Thank you so much and your Grandma's looking good. Hope you have a good new year.

"Sometimes I want to move... I want to be somebody completly different from who I am." Did you ever think that you are right to feel this way? That just perhaps the "you" in that house with that job it not exactly the "you" that was meant to be? Perhaps this "you" is the make believe one, in which you are just acting the way you think others expect you to act?

I think you should take a few more wine enhanced moments to ponder seriously about moving to a new place, get a new job, find a new home, and become the real "you". Someplace where you will not be "the ex-wife you", or "the driving yourself mad on the 5" you, or "the renting my first lonely house" you. But rather a place where people can meet you for the first time and know you simply as Laurie.

I did just that in 1991, and got to know myself for the very first time. Not the "daughter me" or the "sister me" or the "Ex-wife me" or the "boss/employee me", but just me. It was surprisingly not lonely, and I cherish that time.

Love you,

I'm so glad you enjoyed your Christmas, and I can't say enough how wonderful I think it is that
you put such time and caring into the people you spent your holiday with. Grandma Purl looks beautiful, and so do you! Happy New Year!

For a young gal, you sure have it all figured out. As my Dad used to say, "You THINK right!"
:-)

Wish everyone would get the message about asking about Christmas plans. As it turns out, most of my family is either dead or not interested in the holiday, so I do spend every Christmas alone. I have my kids, but they visit Dad on Christmas Day. Not fun. Not something I want to talk about at the office!

Keep it up, Laurie. You're heading in the right direction.

I don't comment too often, but I just gots to get out today and say this is the best Christmas post ever.

One day at a time - you are doing great.

Thank you for your blog - I read it every day. Your words about holiday questions are so very true, they so often cause the opposite of their 'intention'. Sometimes I think those questions are people searching for how to feel, how to gauge their own estrangement from the candied-Hallmark experience. Funny, 'cause I was thinking this season that the last vestiges of how it shoulda' coulda' woulda' been, from childhood and other marriages etc., are now quite faint and it is time to create a plan for this season. Thank you for perspective, as it has fueled my conviction to be ready in '07.

I have been enjoying your column for a while now and appreciate seeing the wisdom you share come out of your struggles. I 'opted out' of Thanksgiving and Christmas this year because my mom passed of cancer this year and I just did not see the point of pretending to celebrate- no energy to make it work or even to try. I will be ready, even excited to start new traditions next year, but I do want to thank you for demonstrating that the 'opt out' is an option- it worked well- I got thru it. My 'opt out' was a bit harder for others than it was for myself- but I think it needed to be that way for just this year. Your grandmother looks terrific and it looks like you put a new spark in the holiday for many of her housemates! Thank you for much.

I've seen so many women dissolve when their "perfect" lives turned out to be not so perfect. Some seem to never recover. But the secret (I think) is to try to enjoy one day at a time, and know that some days are better than others and some days are worse, but rarely are two the same. It's okay to enjoy watching your cats undecorate the tree - it may not be a traditional way to celebrate, but it's okay if it makes you happy. And you had a wonderful Christmas - not only were you happy, but so were your Grandma (who looks beautiful!) and all of the people she lives with. No life is perfect, but everyone's life can be worthwhile.

And, honey, you could never move anywhere and be anonymous -- we'd track you down! ;-)

Your grandma is beautiful! Glad you had a good Christmas and it looks like the folks at the nursing home did, too! Cupcakes and Roy look good! Eat one and kiss the other! ;)

Also, great post. I've scaled down a bit this year because I just don't want to beat myself up for not having a "perfect" Christmas. I enjoyed the hectic activity when I was younger but not anymore. I plan on scaling back even more next year. And I haven't asked anyone how their Christmas was for a few years now. I've had my own ups and downs and I don't want to make any assumptions on anyone else.

Merry Christmas and here's to a Happy New Year! Thanks for letting me be a voyeur into your life from across the country. From one hermit to another, I applaud you for doing stuff with family instead of holing up with the furry family.

*best post ever*

i heart CAP!

Happy christmas and Merry New Year! I'm glad you had a good one.

"When I say "we" I mean "me."" (I think you meant me too.)

P.S. Your Grandma looks great!

Laurie,

I'm glad you made it through, sweetie. Happy 2007!

Cheers!!!! to 2007 :-)

Dear Laurie;

Happy Holidays to you and best wishes for a very happy 2007! I love your writing and I am very touched when I read about and see pictures of your grandma and the other folks at her nursing home. I trust that you and a lot of other folks brighten up their days a lot. It's great to remember what it's all really about -- spreading some friendship and good will. Peace to you.

Your Grandma looks amazing and looks like she is doing much better. I hope that Christmas only continues to get better. The first and second Christmases after I got divorced were probably the hardest time in my life. But I had a little person to keep me anchored to the holiday. I would have loved to been able to climb in a hole and hide. It's good to hear that things are improving on your holiday happiness front. Next year will be a 6 foot Christmas tree year again, I am just sure of it.

Cindi
Kristy the-Grandmother-Purl's-blanket-gal's big sister (one of them anyway)

No honey, when you say "we"... you've got it exactly right.

Your Grandma looks so beautiful!!! I'm so happy that you had a good Christmas this year. I'm sure you bring the same joy to the nursing home that you bring to me!

Looks like your Christmas was good. You already know that being part of a couple doesn't necessarily make everything better. Happy New Year - good things are coming your way.

u r such a truly honest and sweet person...and your smile is like sunshine! i bet you are the high point of the day to those folks out there living with grandma...i think maybe u need some girlfriends to meet for dinner regularly, or meet a group at the gym or someplace where u can gab while doing something. besides every once in awhile stitch n bitch.....i think u are a chatty gal probably, if your written dialog is like your talking....people like me need that kind of energy. i am slower and a bit more reserved, but not too much...but i really love bright, crazy ,happy silliness in folks. they lift me up. make me laugh at them and myself. i know u have a well rounded personality, and i look forward to much more fun reading....(((hugs)))

Your grandmother does look fabulous.

What a great post! Too true. I hope that in the coming year I can make the effort to accept the things around me that suck and try to control the way I deal with the suckieness (I know I spelled that little made up word wrong)
Happy New Year!

just found this on post secret after reading this post today, did you send this laurie?http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/994/593/1600/354045/decided.jpg

{{hugs}}

I agree with Cindi - "we" is just right.

Your Christmas Eve/Day sounded (and looked) truly joyous.

Cheers to you.

Wow, Aunt P, you are so fabulous. It's been such a joy to discover your blog this year. You are so right about Christmas, and I am so happy to see you reclaim some of it for yourself, and create some happiness for yourself, and look at you bringing all that sunshine to the folks where your gma is!! What a blessing you are to them and those who know you! Merry Christmas!!

a belated merry christmas to you.
you know what? 2007 is going to be a fantastic year! i can "feel" it. really.
i'm not saying it because my life is great or anything, it's just that things must get better. i think they will.

I just found your site today while looking for a knitting pattern that is eluding me. I read through your December 2006 posts and I just want to say, "Thanks" for taking the time to jot down your thoughts here where I can see. I will be adding your site to my "favorites" and I'll be stopping by often. Now to find that damned pattern.

I hope 2007 is a great year for you - Brightest Blessings for a New Year.

Got to agree with you Laurie! I just turned 36 about 3 weeks ago and I'm hoping that 2007 breaks the 4-year cycle of losing a family member (or two) each year, requires less anti-depressants and/or Tequila than the past 4, and brings new GOOD things, not just new things to "make me stronger."

And here's to increasing the yarn stash, too!

Purl, I love your blog because you aren't afraid to say the things that sometimes I think too (like running away and taking asn assumed name and start a different life) but you are right. You are so much stronger than you were a year ago and you have so many people who care about you. You are an inspiration to me in the sense that you are real and out there and honest. You go, girl

Grandma looks darn near beatific. Great photo!