first!

ha.

I never wanted to work in an office until now!

Oh man, I have tears in my eyes from doing a very office-esque closed-mouth snorting with laughter thing over here! I really want to lap water directly from the water cooler spigot now!

I don't work in an office, I work at the fire department, but I feel that many of these would be very effective in the fire station....shoot I wanna do just about eveyone of these to my partner who drives me crazy. The best thing is I have the option to do these to people in the middle of the night, as we work 24 hours at a time.....can you say ANNOYING mon? Damn even me smiling and being in a good mood in the middle of the night annoys him....this whole project could be WONDERFUL

too funny............only problem for me is I work with only 3 other people.

Ok Bob, whatever you say!

Somewhere on the "internets" is a list called something like "101 Things Skippy is not allowed to do in the Army" or something like that.

Do not read while you are drinking milk. Milk will come out your nose.

That's a GAME?! Heck, I do most of that stuff EVERY FREAKIN DAY here. Only way to keep your "sanity" at the FatCatLawFirm.

Oh my God! Did you make this up? You are hi-larious!!! or really, REALLY crazy (but funny!)

"Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

Oh, YEAH!!!!!

Too funny!

http://skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

Oh, sheeyat. Purl. You gotta read this. I think its a kindred spirit!!!

(THANK YOU OTHER LISA!!!!)

If this were not my very first week of my new job perhaps I would give this a go!

What a hoot!

OHHHH This is making me laugh so hard. I wish I had read this while at work. Also, I wish I worked in a bigger office. We have no elevator!

"Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you." - Every morning this could be the case...I don't do mornings...but I fake it well.

"To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace." - I'm pretty sure I've already done this to co-workers.

I say we combine this: "While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open," with this: "While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator," add that you have to be riding the elevater in the co-workers chair, and watch the points rack up!

And I think perhaps my bosses play this, because I swear they're doing the following constantly: Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager."

giggling away here..you all need to hear this too

http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/whipass/

the original is at the top (ish) called listen to Ray

rolln :)

Oh I work at home but I want to play too! I only have two dogs to harass or I should say they harass me.

My Bitch has her own Point System.

Now I want to go back to working in an office just so I could do all these things. Nah.

This morning I discovered my access card didn't work. Turned out there was a logical explanation, but now I know how to make it happen again.

i cant wait to go to work tomorrow! :) thanks for the great ideas.

Has anyone ever threatened to give you one of these (http://www.mcphee.com/items/11377.html) for Christmas? If not, can I be the first? Only in the most friendly and "I wish I had as many cats as you" kind of way!

OMG - that makes me want to get a job in an office!!!

Hey Laurie - I kinda dropped off the blogosphere for a while. I love the game. My coworkers are just crazy enough that we would do this stuff and no one would notice.

I just want to know: How many points should I get for taking every single "clicky" pen out of my manager's office and hiding them in another coworker's office? She's got this subconscious thing with clicking pens - I swear, it's like she's in training for Jeopardy - and it's driving me NUTS. clickety, click, clickety click. Make the lamb stop screaming!!!

She's out of the office right now. I'm hoping to be sick when she gets back to the office next week and finds her desk full of classic blue Papermates. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha

OMG, I was laughing my ass off! Although, we have done quite a few of these at the mill. Does it count if babbling incoherently was unintended? Sort of like a short out between brain and mouth.

One of the foremen used to end up with one pant leg hanging down over his boot and the other kind of stuck in the top of the other boot.

OMG!!!! I am crying from laughing so hard. I started out reading it out loud to dave, but then I had to stop because i couldn't get a sentence out from the laughing. Thank you!

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Love to do this! Glen an old coworker was real good and it was hard to get him to mess up. He ended up as a Walmart greeter after he retired.

Sounds an awful lot like life with my four-yr.-old. I go to work to get AWAY from that!
;-)

Hey, Bob, does it count if you have friends who snatched a co-workers chair and suspended it on thin wires from a balcony so that it hung directly outside his office window?

Because I do, mon!

They also dissassembled it another time with all the parts in order on his floor with a label marked, "exploded view."

I have to go mumble incoherently now.

you have made me laugh out loud many times, but never like this! I can't wait to try some of them out. Problem is, so many people in my office are so whacked, I might look normal!!!!

I remember seeing that when I had an office job years ago (gosh that makes me sound old!) and laughing so hard I cried just considering some of the items.

Take it easy, mon!

That was freakin' hilarious!

Hey, did you hear that?
Never mind, it's gone now.

This completely made my day! hahaha. I tried to do some of these things (not in an office setting, just randomly) and couldn't do any of it without collapsing into a fit of giggles.

Had to comment again after reading this article on The Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54595

Too funny!

Got another one for you: in my junior high school there was a very strange woman who taught French. The building was old and had windows that actually opened, and the French class was on the 3rd floor. A student ran to the window and screamed, "I'm gonna jump! I'm gonna jump!" The teacher ran to the principal's office (on the 1st floor) to get someone and while she was out of the room the kid ran down the stairs and outdoors and lay down on the ground. Directly underneath the window.
That same teacher had another class that moved their desks up a few inches every time she turned around to write on the blackboard so that by the time class was over she was completely hemmed in by desks that she hadn't seen moving.
No, I was not involved- I took German. Kids can be so cruel. But I believe these techniques may indeed also work in the business world if you want to play mind games with your boss.

I frequently ask my three-year-old son if his name is Bob. When he vehemently says it's not, I either say, "Okay, Bob" or start into asking him if his name is a string of other different names. I'm convinced being a stay-at-home mom doesn't have to be boring. I mean, sure, they'll all need extensive therapy, but I'm having a grand ole time (by the way, before you call social services, let me say that he does giggle during this conversation most of the time).

Wow! Did I need a laugh this morning. THANKS!

My son is wondering WHY I am laughing so hard - I need to get this to a friend who will, without doubt, have fun in her office! Me, at home, I'm just waiting to go in public to have fun with people I don't know. Just so you know, while at the ATM lastnight, I yelled, "I won, I won!!" at my withdrawal, jumping at leaping with excitement!! It is so much fun to make people guess. Thank you for the laughs.

This makes me wish that I had cool people at work that would play the game with me!

It makes me wish we had an elevator! I must admit that I've done many of these things over the past many years, and thanks to your kindness I have new ammunition. Sweet!

this just so appeals to my inner sick mind...love it!

Oh my gosh. Too fun. Not sure I could get anyone to play with me, though!

Beautiful! I just found your site, and it's great.

The Bob one killed me. I had a CEO that called every guy on the production floor Bob regardless of his name -- in meetings too!

We're off and running here at my office.

I worked as a software engineer for about 10 years. We did some things like this. You've inspired me, I'll share some.

The office upstairs was for rent. The property manager accidentally left it unlocked overnight. At 3 am we swapped the furniture the had inside with the patio furniture they had outside.

Had a project manager with a collection of clocks. We set all of them back one hour.

"Broke" into the new IT managers office the night before he started and decorated it with all the Christmas decorations we just took out of the cubicles.

If you microwave a CD for a couple of seconds you get a great light show and it smells really bad. Good for revenge on fish microwaving co-workers.

My manager had a things for his speaker phone. It was annoying to say the least. When he was traveling on business we replaced all the special keys on his phone with ones that said, 'Hands Free' (speaker phone)

Some people are really anal and have a place for each item on their desk. Every night move just one or two things. Not far, maybe just an inch or two. It takes some time but it'll drive them mad.

Walk everywhere in socks. (the bathroom is your call, I'd pass on that)

Sleep under you desk at lunch. Make sure to bring a small blanket.

Turn a co-workers phone book to the page for employment agencies or escort services. Highlight a couple, leave it on their desk.

Using fishing line secure a co-workers chair to the desk. (best way is using the foot at the cubicle corner and the base of the base of the chair)

There is more but I'll end it with this advice. Aerosol cans that say, "Contents under pressure. Do not puncture" actually mean it.

Honey, Sweetie, Darlin',

Time to switch to decaf. I'm just sayin'. Actually we have similar little things where I work, One of my favorites is yelling "Respect my Authority" if someone questions my work, where I'm going, what I'm doin', etc. Just use your best Eric Cartman voice from South Park. AND you get double points if they don't get it. :)

I had soooooooo many things to do during my lunch hour. None of them seem nore important than sharing THE GAME with my co-workers, though - HA! Too funny!

I don't know how this game would go over in my office. Some of my friendly co-workers may be too timid to join in the fun. Plus we have the fun-police lurking about, so they may not appreciate us having a laugh while on the clock.

But it is something that I would try...if I had someone, anyone to play with.

Damn, I almost wish I worked in an office. So far the dogs haven't noticed that my pants leg is tucked into my sock, my Army fatigues (I was in the Guard) haven't fit since my 3rd child was born, and the dogs couldn't care less if I call them Bob or say "mon" as long as a biscuit is involved. Of course, my kids already think I'm nuts since I woke them up on "talk like a pirate day" by calling them scurvy sea dogs and threatening to hang them upside down from the yardarm by their big toes if they missed the bus (they are teens and a pre-teen- they never looked up from their cheerios as they mumbled "yeah Mom- whatever").

"Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you."

I have a colleague who has been doing this for years! Wow, he has racked up approximately 632 points so far. Although, I am not sure if it counts, since there are only 4 other people in the office. Still, looks like i'll be moving Bob's chair into the elevator with one pant leg tucked in every day for the next couple months if i want to catch up. Do i get extra points if i send the elevator to the basement?

Whenever I am on the elevator with someone who keeps punching the door close button I say "Wait--I'll use my magic powers to make the door close". Then I hold my hand up in front of the door and do a little flourish when it closes. It is so much fun because now the person thinks you are crazy and they are stuck riding in the elevator with you.

It makes me so happy.

Have you ever thought of having a "guest astrologer" write the Hor-o-scopes once in a while??

I would love to give it a try!!

HAH! too bad i don't work in an office...

there's woman here who plays this part of the game every day:

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

except she does it to EVERY one.

Oh I needed that - Have a great weekend.

"For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'." At my office, we have so many guys named Bob that no one would even notice! :)

Next time you post, can you remind the masses that I need all of the squares for your grandmother by next Friday. I posted on the project blog but not everyone visits there.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA :

1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the south.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the south, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it sticks; If it crawls, it bites.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a Shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "Fixinto" is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. The word "Jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until youre done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM THE SOUTH IF :

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. You use "fix" as a verb. For example: "I'm fixing to go to the store".

4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

5. You install security lights on your house and garage, then leave both unlocked.

6. You know what a "DAWG" is.

7. You carry jumper cables in your car ... For your OWN car.

8. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and ketchup.

9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".

12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

13. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World" ... Mall Mart.

14. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good Gumbo weather.

15. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop .. it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. For example: "What kinda coke you want?"

16. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

17. We don't need no stinking driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

18. You know you've had a good meal when your Paw says, "dat der was some gooooood eat'n".

18. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from the South (and those who just wish they were).

Sorry!!!! It didn't look that long!!!!!

Sorry!!!! It didn't look that long!!!!!

I know of some people at my job that play this game EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every. Single. Day.

Funny shit is....they don't even know they're playing!

Especially those that ignore the "Good Mornings". Idjuts.

"In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

WE have meetings every Monday at 9am and I ALWAYS feel like doing that.

Today I was a sixth grade teacher and I would have loved to "slap *my* forehead and mutter repeatedly, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!" but I'm the adult in the room and must be a good example. RATS!

At my office, we have a series of fun games we play in meetings -

1. Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper "Can you feel it?" from the corner of your mouth.

2. - Leave the room walking quickly while holding your crotch.

3. When refreshments are presented, immediately distribute one bagel to each of the attendees, then systematically smash each one with your fist in front of them.

4. Chew Tobacco.

5. Pick your nose and eat it.

6. Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval.

7. If you are fluent in another language, answer all questions in that language.

8. Use ‘Nam style jargon such as "What's the ETA", "Who's on recon?" and "Charlie don't surf".

9. Wear a hands free phone headset throughout and once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation, such as "I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!"

10. Shave one of your forearms.

11. Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out. Announce that you "love this shitty little town".

12. Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.

13. Pull out a large wad of money and count it demonstratively

14. Bend momentarily under the table then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes.

15. Use a large hunting knife as a pointer for your visual aids.

16. Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then hand out pieces of paper that read:
1. Trample the weak
2. Triumph Alone
3. Invade Poland

17. Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't seen them.

18. When referring to someone in the room, always call them your "homey" or "dog".

19. Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is compelled to interject, shout "I AM NOT FINISHED!!!"

20. Lean over in your chair, get a pained look on your face and let out a loud fart. Then go back to the meeting as if nothing happened.

21. Come into the meeting late, storm right up to the facilitator of the meeting, and with finger pointed in face, in your best Melrose Place voice say "This is my Ad Agency and if you don't like it, you can go to HELL". And then storm out.

22. When your manager suggests a new idea, yell out incredulously "Are you on CRACK???"

23. Every once in a while, when its quiet......Meow.

24. Come into the meeting late, apologize for your tardiness and then go stand in the corner.

25. Refer to everyone by their nick names...ie William= Billy Thomas = Tommy, James = Jimmy and so forth.

26. Take off a shoe and sock, and clip your toenails.

27. When there's an especially light hearted moment in the meeting, throw down your pen and as you leave, shaking your head, say "I don't know why I even bother anymore".

28. Once the meeting begins to run late, sheepishly raise your hand and say "May I be excused? If I'm late, my husband/wife will beat the holy living shit out of me."

Nik - that 9 am Monday morning must be the same one I attend :)

I feel the same way!

Hi. My name's Katie-I live in MPls. big fan of knitting, laughing, your blog--I haven't posted yet, but this has inspired me... I love these office dares!!! I have a few more for you....

* Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time)

* Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."

* Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

* Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice)

* At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."

* Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him/her that they've won a lunch for four at a local restaurant, let him go.

* Hang a 2-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

I couldn't resist. My sister tipped me off to your site---great voice, girl! Keep shining.

SO WHO'S WINNING??? VERY FUNNY!

I've got to try some of these. So classic!

Oh, the "shout random numbers while someone is counting" thing I do ALL the time. I especially love to do it if I'm in line behind someone and the cashier is counting their change back to them.

Long time reader, first time commenter.

While teaching undergrads in graduate school my cohorts and I did the following to one of our officemates:

-Removed the entire desk from the office and placed it in another office completely set-up with the same books in the same places. Replaced the "official" desk with a flimsy student desk from the classroom across the hall when our officemate had student conferences.

Okay, you have NO IDEA what you've done to this staid (read, boring and uptight) Japaneese Corporation today. The funniest part is that the Japanees staff seem to think it would be rude to notice any of these things . . .

I accidentally read "I have already called three people today just to say 'Hi! I can't talk right now!'" as "I have already had three people call today just to say 'Hi! I can't talk right now!'" That would really be weird!

We have a "food day" for holidays in our office where everyone puts the dish they are bringing so there are no duplicates. One of the ladies signed another coworker's name and put possum belly stew (we're in Louisiana) as the dish. Nobody said anything about it until the manager came up and asked (with a worried look on her face)if it was really possum in the stew or just a family recipe with a strange name. We are always trying to make the day interesting.

I sent this to two of my coworkers today. When I was walking by an office where both of them were meeting, one said to the other, "Shhhh, it's her." So I stuck my hand in the office and flipped them off.

They are still undecided if the flip-off is worth points or not.

We can't wait 'til our boss gets home from Vancouver so we can do these things when he's around.

I sent this to two of my coworkers today. When I was walking by an office where both of them were meeting, one said to the other, "Shhhh, it's her." So I stuck my hand in the office and flipped them off.

They are still undecided if the flip-off is worth points or not.

We can't wait 'til our boss gets home from Vancouver so we can do these things when he's around.

The heck with the horoscopes. This is MUCH better!! I love this game! I swear I'm going to start this at my office when I get back from vacation. I just can't believe the things you come up with!

I have to tell you-- oh my god, the chicken bacon yule logs? I made them tonight and they were heavenly. That is an awesome recipe-- though of course I didnt do it exactly right it still was delicious and my stomach thanks you. I used a rubber mallet wrapped in saran wrap instead of a special meat hammer. And I used soy bacon because I actually like it better than real bacon. And the innards I used was chevre and spinach... I give it 4 stars and 2 thumbs up

I once worked for a company where, if you substituted "Dave" for "Bob" and only called the men that, you'd be right about 75% of the time.

I suspected that they would only hire men who were named Dave.

Oh my god! I haven't laughed that hard in quite awhile. I was crying and my dog was looking at me like I am crazy. I am looking for an office job right now and I am looking forward to playing this game.

Funny- I did most of these things last week- I work with a bunch of engineers. They think I'm weird. I think that's why I was hired, spice things up a bit.

Hysterical!

We do this at work all the time although instead of "Bob" we use the name "Dave" which point wise didn't work too well when we had a number of Dave's in the department.. but made it funnier for those of us playing the game though to be honest.

If you have to work you might as well as have fun.

I know this is completely off the wall, but I had to send you this link, the forehead, it is blinding.

C

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v36/allhailme/blogposts/110406_emmabuntonalbum.jpg

You forgot one: Walk around the office humming Dancing Queen. See how long it takes for others to become infected with the humming bug. Score one point for each person who hums the song. (Alternative songs: YMCA, The Hustle, MacArthur Park)

Personally, I'm fond of refusing to take calls because I'm busy spinning round and round on my office chair....

I was wondering since Pluto has been dropped, has that messed with your astrology mojo??

I've recently accepted I have an online addiction. But if finding this gem amdist the vast electronic galaxy is wrong - I DON'T wanna be right!

You light up my life, DANG IT!
(i love you - but mostly in a total hetero way :))

Hey, Purl, you okay out there? It's like the time when I was in college, and I didn't show up at a certain local pub one Friday, and one of my friends called me to ask if I was sick.

Just sayin.'

At work, we have just come up with a new gesture that means "f***." Why? Because we work with children and therefore, cannot curse. One of my coworkers feels that we should be allowed one curse word per year. Because the kids will drive you to that point on a daily basis.

Girl, you got some comment-spammers. That sucks.

I was just reading the list of Southern things (also from Louisiana here) and just remembered a couple of tag-team verbs:

For example, "go and verb."

i.e.: "I have to go and do my laundry."

You might be from the South if you don't just "vote." You "go and vote."

Note the difference:

Other people: "Boss, can I take a little extra time for lunch so I can vote?"

Southerners: "Boss, I'm fixing to go to lunch, but I need some extra time, so I can go and vote."

EVERYBODY of every educational level "goes and votes." If

Southerners also "take and go:"

Example: "I got tired of waiting for him, so I took and went to the store without him."

Most Southerners can triple-verb:

"I'm fixing to go and vote."

You can also quadruple-verb, especially if you are from Mississippi:

"I got tired of waiting for him, so I took and went to go and vote by myself."

Just so ya know.

But seriously, it;s election day, so y'all go and vote please. No bitchin' if you don't.

He He He . . . I have 36 points . . .

Hey CAP! You there, girl? We're beginning to get worried. Please write soon (doesn't even have to be a check - a blog entry will do nicely).
Hugs and hope everything is ok....... kisses to Roy, Soba, Frankie & Bob

Where oh where are you?

Laurie,

Everything OK? It's awfully boring without your posts!

As a middle school teacher, absolutely none of these would strike me as odd anymore. In fact, my 8th grade chorus and the 8th grade band (who are not my students) are embroiled in a heated month-long (so far) round of "The Game" (explanation: http://www.losethegame.com/).
Tomorrow, they are all named Bob. :)

Laurie, you're from the south, right? So you've gotta mention the kudzu-is-coming-to-eat-us-all office game to us southerners! My Crazyaunt's boss let the kudzu get so close that they could see leaves curling in the window one day. The boss was out the next day, so my Crazyaunt pulled massive amounts of kudzu in through the open window and completely encased his officeboss rolly chair in it. Sort of like The Blob, only greener and viney-er. Fun times, fun times...

Oh, and let's all please tell Mr. ViagraSpam above to GET.A.LIFE.ALREADY!!!