Competition is what men THRIVE on, though they will never, EVER admit to anything...

Love the pic...

When a picture is that good, it doesn't have to have anything to do with the story, and that is one great kitty photo! Thanks for sharing!

Not that the story isn't good, too ... but I have cats and not gardeners, so I'm easily distracted.

psychoticness: Is too a word!

Able: I've actually had that moment before.

Have I told you that you crack me up?

First!!!!!

Great photo! I guess Francisco needed a kick in the pants.

Wait a sec. I thought Cain was the gardener. Good thing you didn't switch over to Abel: next thing you knew you would have had sheep in your back yard, and if you thought your grass was muerto before, well... burp.

Awesome photo!

And the story is good too. :)

For someone that cuts and runs! You totally crack me up. And I needed a little cracking today. Thanks!

So true!! My boyfriend likes it when I tell him about guys who come on to me, but then only if I give him a big kiss (my boyfriend, not the guy) and assure him that the guy was no match. So easy!!!

"Todo esta muerto." Hahaha. For some reason that made me laugh so hard.

Hi Laurie,
I have been lurking and reading your site for a while. Just wanted to let you know, I think you are awesome and SO funny. Thanks for sharing all your deep thoughts on life and men and stuff!

Laurie, I salute you. You're a veritable whiz at Man Management. Now if only Francisco could stop butchering your shrubs....how long do you think the "halo effect" of fending of fending off some other (male) gardener's attentions will last? This could be a fascinating case study.

Once you have completed your research and codified your Rules of Man Management, could you please send me a copy? I need help managing the hairier sex. Ack.

Even I'm jealous now and want to cut your lawn. Men are all alike.

So maybe Francisco is back on his timetable and will stay the course to achieve his benchmarks in your not-so-muerto-anymore yard?

You know what I really, really like about your stories, Laurie? The last line. This one is particularly good---wait for it, wait for it---pow!

was it caine or abel that killed the other out of jealousy?

Oh! This all reminded me - I heard on the radio a bit before Halloween about someone who grows square PUMPKINS! And then sells them for thousands of dollars apiece! I'm so not kidding here.

Abel is ABLE!!! And CUTE. And DIMPLED.

You should have at least gotten his number, por si a caso, y'know?! Keep Francisco on his toes.

Cain killed Abel. Cain was the gardener, Abel tended the sheep....and his gift was unworthy....hence the need to murder his brother.

good thing you didn't hire Able.

I have a question - if he said todo esta muerto, why did he pronounce his name ABLE instead of A-bell?

LOL

I hope Abel comes sniffing around another time or two, maybe Francisco will straighten up and cut right for a while.

The story was great, don't get me wrong, but the picture had me rolling on the floor!

Thanks for the belly laugh!

I had noticed that your backyard had returned to a somewhat more living state, hmm. Excellent strategy for combatting complacency. Interesting.

That is the BEST picture ever!!! *L*

Great Story. I hope your yard can survive your current gardner.

In fact when he slips up again, start calling him your current gardner, as if he may not also be your future gardner. Put a little fear into his heart. ;^)

You gonna try for the garden in 07?

Laurie, I LOVE it!
And yep- a little competition is an excellent thing. Gets those male competative juices flowing and everyone comes out ahead! (especialy us girls!)
My example: In the doldrums between shacking up and popping the question (a time that I discovered is known to all men as "We're happy as things are, why change it?"-or translation- "I have regular access to nookie, and you do the laundry, so what's the hurry?") I would come home looking bemused and tell proto-hubby stories of how some man had been hitting on me for several minutes before I REALIZED what was going on and how I thought it was kinda funny that it took me so long to catch on. Proto-hubby would get all huffy, and I'd comfort him with "Honey, he didn't mean any harm, I wasn't wearing a RING--so how's he supposed to know this property's in escrow?"
He bought the ring within a year and popped the queston over New Years. Nothing like having 'em know you've got options!
And I am loving on Bob's chair domination- ooooh cute fuzzy boy!

If Bob had a flag you know he'd have planted it in that chair to claim it for himself!

I love the psychic telecommunicating of gardeners! And the chair pic is hilarious. And suddenly there is the spell check in the comments, which makes me insecure, but I will make up words as I see fit. The good news in all of this is that you have a back-up gardener and can keep Franceeeesco on a tight leash now. Enough with the whacking and the muerto-ing. And, there's always next year for square watermelons. And romance, and a new gardener, if necessary!

Love the pic, but that just cannot be comfortable.

If your garden suddenly becomes jungle-like from all the extra attention, the cat picture will totally fit in.

And, now you know that if Francisco stops coming so often, you only have to mention Abel and his dimples. Francisco will snap right to attention, I suspect. He's knows he's got a good thing going - get paid to kill plants. Heck, I could do that!

Oh boy! Now that is the way to get a man motivated!
Bravo!
Denise
www.purlsofhope.com

I think I could do as good a job at killing a yard as Francisco. Maybe I could be a gardener!

Love the story about your dueling gardeners, but the pic at the end is THE BEST!!!! It made me laugh silly at work!!

That is the best picture ever. I often wish I was a cat...

What the heck is that crazy Bob doing? I love Bob!

"Quien es this guy?" said Francisco.

/snort

I was thinking about you and your square watermelons the other day. A reader in Brooklyn, ny is sorry to hear they didn't happen. I agree with others, a little jealousy can be a very effective bargaining tool. Your cat seems to be defying gravity!

:) A funny story and a better-behaved gardener!

Roy. For all your chair-taming needs.

Goddammit! My brain was saying 'Bob' but my fingers typed 'Roy'.

hee hee can't...stop...laughing...at...cat. He is using the universal sign for "dibbs!" I think.

Oh Bob, stalking the wild chair. Thanks for Monday heehees.

Laurie, I think we need a picture of Francisco so that we can picture the scene in our heads!

The photo kind of looks like it goes with the story. They kitty looks like he is protecting his territory.

Good Lord woman.. why are not writing books for a living.. holy cow.. I would buy everyone of them... You write so well and I cant stop laughing.. which is a good thing... You Rock... thanks for the laughs..

Bob is too funny! I think he does not want Francisco to apply his gardening skills to the chair.

Sooo happy to hear about Francisco again. Id' been wondering for months. "And Francisco slew Abel . . ." Do you think they are in cahoots and staged it?

Bob thinks he is maybe a little bit bigger than he really is--it's that territorial guy thing.

Two men fightin' over CAP, oh mammy!

By the way, I once read about growing square cucumbers somewhere online. Don't ask me where, I am having the Senior Moment. It involves putting the poor cucumber in a square jar.

I love Bob! I got such a giggle out of that picture. Also love the story. Guys are funny aren't they? Such an odd lot. They don't remember you're alive until someone threatens to take you away. Ah, well... At least you got help with your bags and got your flirt on for 30 seconds before Fransico showed up.

You know, if you ever have time to answer questions... You always say you have a small house. Hubby and I are moving to a small house in the spring and are planning on getting 3 or 4 cats/kittens. The experts always say that you should have one litter box for each cat plus one extra. That would mean 4 or 5 litter boxes! How many litter boxes do you have for 4 cats and where the heck do you put them all?

Holy Damn Hell! "Todo esta muerto."

LMFAO I have to figure out a way to use that phrase at my next business meeting!

If you hire Abel, you get sheep. Sheep have wool. Wool is to knit with. And this is bad how?

god i Love bob in that photo. You know, maybe you could hire Abel the hottie to do your houseplants! in not so many clothes! Because well, eyecandy is good and so is hiring the motivated and able-bodied. ok, well, maybe I'm just a tramp but still, i'd figure out a way to get him to come 'round now and then just for the scenery.

That picture is priceless...though I kind of wonder what's keeping Bob in place?

Jealous Francisco! I can't believe he said he figured there was no need to cut the grass because it was dead...his job is to make it live! No esta muerto! Necesito vivir!!

And "Quien es this guy" - I am going to have to use this Spanglish gem.

Maybe you could get Abel to stop by once a month. Then maybe your yard would really be alive.

And just love that picture of Bob.

ROFL.. I'm hoping maybe Francisco will get off his path of doom and let your hedges grow back at least...

That's it, I've had it; when is someone going to give you a big fat offer to write a book and series? You are too good for just a blog, I mean, really! (and I mean I love your blog so don't take it as "justthisblog")

Bob es un gato loco.

Todo esta muerto. That is gorgeous! you have the BEST stories, Laurie!

I have one for you, the guy who was going to fix my car told me his name was Tye, and I popped off with....oh, like tie me up? He just smiled! I found out later, he was married! He was hot, I can tell ya that. My husband made us move to another mechanic. Not sure why. Hee hee.
Laura

HA HA HA WALL OF BANGS HA HA HA I USED TO CALL IT "THE CLAW" HA HA HA WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT??? EVEN WORSE THAN THE 80S FEATHERING LOOK i THINK...Thanks for the laugh...I'm still laughing....h ahah a...all finishe...no wait...it's still too funny...

Where in tarnation was your camera, woman?? We've seen pics of L.A. morning traffic and bumper stickers, yet no picture of cute able guy??? *g*

They ought to sell dining room chairs with cats on the back just like that. A set of six would cause a ruckus while you were sleeping, but they'd look great with an appropriate Pottery Barn tablecloth.

::Marlin Perkins voiceover::

The smaller, but much more dangerous Felis Bobus dozes as he guards his kill - a leopard that dared intrude on his territory. Now my assistant Jim will attempt to approach the fierce beast and-- Jim? Jim?"

(I couldn't resist...)

I've been off the blogging for a couple of weeks now, but catching up on yours just reminded me of why I started in the first place.

i am in a hurry this morning and i will come back and read everything but i must have your cats or at least one of them they are beautiful
i am kidding of course
sylvia

Yours is one of the funniest blogs in cyberspace and what an adorable picture of Bob!! :-)

you are sooo funny. And that cat pose is hysterical!

HA HA! Thank you so much for all your hilarious blogs--am still laughing about the Office Game, and you got me again today. Thanks for the Spanglish lesson--loved it!
I have to agree--you are destined to be an author: look out, Yarn Harlot! BTW--will you be seeing her in LA when she goes to tape Knitty Gritty?

Thanks, Laurie. Now you have me singing "Say You, Say Me" in my head, and remembering my big bangs of yesteryear.

Best. Cat. Photo. Ever. Also, I wish I had a gardener, even one from Chez Muerto Yard... better than *being* the gardener.

Much love to Bob for being so ridiculously cute. The Wall o'Bangs is impressive. I never quite learned the technique in the 80s, which made me a bit of a loser. Thank goodness that naturally wavy hair left to its own tendencies is more acceptable these days!

Abel is able....

Laurie, girl, you really cracks me up! *ROFLMAO*