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October 02, 2006
October Spooky-scopes
No, I did not forget about the very important stars and moons and planets and Pluto happening in October! But it's soon to be Halloween, and no time like the present for detailing all the ways in which we, as astrological profiles, kind of bite. We're all vampires in our own ways, sucking the life right out of life and there's no excuse for it. UNLESS you want to blame it all on being born under an unlucky star, or Pluto, which I wholly 100% endorse.
Happy scary Rocktober!
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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Have ya'll heard about this Congressman guy who sent all kinds of salacious emails to underage boys? Mmmm. I love scandals. They're so... scandalous. I half wondered if ole Representative Foley wasn't an Aquarius, because man ya'll can be impulsive. Left alone in a room with a computer and an innernet connection, ya'll will be up to no good in about three seconds flat. Now, this isn't a comment on your goodness, deep down ya'll are good as gold and have a kindness streak a mile wide. But Lord you do some boneheaded things (no pun intended). Most of the zodiac needs a five-second rule: give yourself five seconds before you act on that impulse. Aquarians need a seventeen day rule. And even then sometimes ya'll surprise the pants off me (whoops, with the puns again!)
PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
I know a cute Pisces guy who is so darn adorable you want to just hug him until he needs chiropractic help to disentangle. Problem is, he's a Pisces, so it's real real hard to get close enough to hug, and if hugging were to occur he'd break away before medical intervention were necessary. Not that ya'll aren't warm and affectionate. It's just that once you've been hurt -- and come on, by now if your old enough to be sitting upright and reading words in a sentence, you have been hurt -- you're about as excited to let someone else into your heart as you are to jump headfirst into an empty swimming pool. Unlike us Cancers who just keep volunteering for more heartache and sorrow on our World Quest For Love and Attention, you Pisces folks want the same thing but are most reluctant volunteers. Explain to me how you're going to get the Recommended Daily Allowance Of Lovin' if you're too scared to re-enlist for hugging?
ARIES (March 21- April 19)
Listen, I know we've had a rough year. First, there was all the months I held back on you because my Mr. X was a big ol' Aries. Then there was the whole Jupiter issue which I may or may not have forgotten to mention because people! I do not control the planets! I know you need self-indulgence and attention, and I was all about Me, Me, Me. Fortunately for us we can't get divorced because I'm not even your Legally Wed Astrologer! I'm just the person who needlessly reminds you that you are someone who needs self-indulgence. Which is not an entirely bad quality, I have it myself, but if you could see past that little flaw of mine, you'll see that I'm trying to tell you something valuable here. Aries, you have been maligned, misunderstood, and un-indulged. Oh, haven't we all. Your acting ability is second to none, so you haven't shown how misunderstood you truly are. You've been playing a role, it had nothing at all to do with Jupiter or Planet Mr. X, and now you want to know when we'll get down to the real business of unearthing the Aries Truth. Maybe when you get down to the business of showing your true colors on a more regular basis. People only misunderstand because they don't see the real you. How can they indulge an act?
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
According to Love Astrology, Taurus would be an excellent match for me. I've yet to date a Taurus (surprisingly) but I do think I would enjoy your also tenacious character, the way you secretly like to save things, your conflicted relationship with money. I do wonder if we'd be able to move around our house, though, cluttered as it would be with my memories and your stuff. Whoops! I just crossed a Taurus line, calling all that stuff you've been saving "stuff" instead of Treasured Valuable Items. I like the way you rationalize holding on to the weirdest junk, the same way I do. I'm betting that you have a little spreadsheet in your mind of the justification, purpose, and history of each thing/person/piece of paper in your collection. Oh my little Taurus, where are you? You might be the only person in the world who I could help by throwing things away. Your things, of course. Gosh... we're not getting rid of mine!
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
My most favorite Gemini recently turned 62, cashed out all his stock in a Big High-Tech Company, and bought himself a brand new Corvette. HE IS SUCH A GEMINI. Hi wife, a darling Cancer, probably had a near heart attack. Geminis are always being characterized as impulsive and selfish. But I'm going to teach ya'll a great Southernism you must embrace: ya'll are just particular. It's not that you fly by the seat of your pants, always running afoul of the boring signs with your hedonism and impracticality. Ya'll are just particular, see? You have needs, and while they may not mesh with anyone else's vision of reality, ya'll just keep on down the path to crazybones because you know, you KNOW, that when you find happiness you better damn well be driving a fun car. Amen.
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
If you've spent even five minutes ever reading the astrological profile of Cancer, you know what they like to say abut us. If you believe all that crap, we're just a bunch of loveable oafs who want to mother the world and we tentatively watch from the sidelines for stray cats to take in, in between violent mood swings. What they don't tell you is that we are really deep down inside just in search of one thing, pure and simple: adoration. We don't want it the way Leos do (read: obedience) or the way Taurus does (smoochy acquiescence), no, we want -- nay, demand! -- full adoration and we need it ya'll. We NEED it. Which is why we're so damn hard to get to know, really know, Lord can we keep secrets. What we love to do most is think about how sad and maudlin we're going to be around the holidays, since there's no adoration in sight and here it is October and the Halloween candy is in the aisles and we know. We know what's coming. YOU CANNOT FOOL A CANCER. I say, let's make everyone else miserable, too. Let's start telling all the Jolly Hi Ho people of other zodiacal dimensions that, oh yeah, Christmas is just X days away. It will freak them out and make you so, so pleased.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Well, Leo, in the words of your arch-nemesis Dr. Phil, let me ask the question of the month: How's THAT workin' for you? You know what I mean. You're very exact these days, very precise, very Leo (which is why the last man I dated for a while was a Leo, I did enjoy his confidence) (until he forgot he needed the audience, needed my attention, and just went out catting off as Leos are prone to do.) It's all fine and good to be the Big Cheese, but no one can eat an entire wheel of cheese. One must break it down into bite size pieces, savory tidbits, sometimes inexactly sliced and yummy. Cheese is always more palatable when mixed in with a nice salty cracker or a glass of wine, mix! Enjoy the other hors d 'oeuvres! You must relax, or the cheese metaphors will continue and you will be constipated, alone in your greatness, alone with no one to admire you, alone with no cracker to complement your cheesy goodness. And how would THAT work for you?
VIRGO (August 23 - Sept. 22)
Virgo is one of my favorite signs on the wheel because, like Cancer, people think they have you pigeonholed into an exact Type, they think you're stuck in this prurient rut of cleanliness and sanctity. OH IF THEY ONLY KNEW. If they only knew you the way I do! I love your icky spots best. How you can be secretly very judgmental of the oddest things. You'll forgive a lot, but with you there are absolute, hidden dealbreakers and I love the way you keep them totally unarticulated so the rest of the world is always running afoul of your little internal barometer. Don't you dare change. Or, if you do change, don't tell anyone. Best to always keep people wondering where they've gone awry.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
The scales of justice thing? Total crock of youknowwhat. All that "fair and balanced" stuff applies to you as much as to the network that trademarked it. You're a thinker, that's for sure, but you also get annoyed easily and in fact I am annoying you right this very minute. Hi! Maybe now I'll talk too much, and tell you about this really boring long involved dream I had (you = not a fan) and then by the end of this paragraph you won't even bother to tell me what an idiot I am, you'll just look at me in that Libra way -- ya'll have THE most expressive expressions -- and I Will Know. You're very discerning that way. Weeding out the flotsam. Problem is, we all have our flotsam (what the hell IS flotsam, anyway? Is it green? Like that stuff sitting on top of the swamp in Bayou Lafayette?) and even you, Oh Wise Libra, have flotsam. YES YOU DO. Flotsam. Don't look at me like that! This is your horror-scope, not your fair and balancedscope!
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
If only I could hold a grudge the way you do. Problem with Cancers is that while we DO hold our grudges, we're just not hard as nails on the follow through. I mean, sure, we can harbor resentment and hurt, but you Scorpios really know how to zing it to 'em. Interestingly enough, fewer Scorpios have road rage than other signs, because ya'll get your issues out in your day-to-day just fine, thankyouverymuch. It's those one or two nagging doubts you have, about the time you got so mad and just gave a big F-you to so-and-so, or said what was REALLY on your mind to you-know-who -- that keep you from being really happy with yourself. Which is good! Trust me, Guilt Cancer, on this one. The guilt of how you behaved that one time keeps you from being the total jerk you aspire to be when jerkiness is called for. I know you may not believe me, but that guilt can keep you happy. In a really roundabout and messed-up way.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
The best way to get rid of a Sag is to start telling them exactly what to do. So I won't do that today, seeing as I have already alienated for sure the Libras and Aries and Aquarius folks. Hi ya'll! Don't change a thing! Except... wow, ya'll. Don't you ever WANT to plan obsessively like the Cappies and Cancers and Virgos do? I mean, you don't have to get all Excel spreadsheet on us or anything. But you could try to make a list, maybe, pros and cons of your latest greatest good idea? Actually -- wait -- I have an idea. Just embrace your inner Unplanner, and hook your wagon to one of the more neurotic signs in the zodiac family. We'll do all your planning for you. The downside is that we will nag. A lot. And tell you what to do. So, you must invest in a really good Selective Hearing Aid. Oh hell, there I go again, telling you what to do. Whoops.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
So, the very last date I went on was with a guy who is a Capricorn through and through. I thought we'd be great together, after all, my dad is a Cap and my best friend is a Cappy, and why did this not work out? Oh, I could blame myself (hey, I am a Cancer, that's what we do) (Until we start blaming you) and then I realized he was TOO Capricorn. You see, I love jokes. I adore goofyass ridiculous jokes, and I often make fun of myself, because in my Cancer mind I'm able to joke about the things that I am most okay with, like, say, calling myself a big nerd or a goobernut. As an ubercapricorn, however, my date was unnerved by my dorkiness, wondering when the spotlight would shine on him and reveal his Inner Flaws. I know ya'll say you don't mind your little quirks, but boy are ya'll sensitive to even implied future criticism. Are you sure you aren't just a bunch of Cancers in disguise? Look, the bottom line is that we are not making fun of you, and even if we are we do it because we're callous dorks who love you. Embrace the love. Embrace the dork inside.
Posted by laurie at October 2, 2006 06:47 PM
Comments
You want adoration?? You got it, girl -- in spades!
Posted by: Mol at October 2, 2006 07:01 PM
must de-lurk to tell you that was the funniest and most accurate horoscope I've ever read for myself (yes, I am just particular) and my husband (can hold a grudge). you rock!
Posted by: Nancy at October 2, 2006 07:04 PM
Can you believe that they want to demote Pluto and they've decided that maybe Pluto isn't a planet anymore?? What the heck is up with that?
You creep me out with your psychicness. ;)
Posted by: Kristy at October 2, 2006 07:07 PM
But we all do adore you, Laurie! What can we do to prove it to you??
Great hor-o-scopes as usual. You are my favorite writer (tough luck for Virginia Woolf!)
Posted by: Liz R at October 2, 2006 07:09 PM
Now where was THIS when I was still in the dating world? Cooooooool horoscopes, Girl! I'm going to steer my friends here when they think they have met Mr. Right and let THEM think twice. Oh, jaded, jaded me.
Posted by: Kai at October 2, 2006 07:10 PM
It's a sick Cancer quality that we crave and need adoration the way we need food and water (wine) but we are completely incapable of believing that anyone would love us.
Kafka was a Cancer. It all makes sense somehow ;)
Posted by: laurie at October 2, 2006 07:14 PM
ROFL. You have so captured the essence of Cancer. Why do you think I proclaimed myself as the future Empress of the Universe? When I did so, I had visions of Evita standing on a balcony with adoring crowds standing below and chanting her name. Is this not the ultimate Cancerian dream?
And that whole reality check for the other signs? Is that not also Cancer's job in life? Everyone else can be all joyous and what not and there we are to throw some damp water on their parade. Serves them right, I say, for being so cheery and hopeful.
And even if you read my blog, you will never really know me. Because it's censored. You are only allowed to see what I want you to see. Kind of like the Wizard (of Oz that is). I bet he was a Cancer too.
Posted by: Dagny at October 2, 2006 07:15 PM
I'm a Cappy and I know you're talking about me being a dork. :p
Posted by: Cookie at October 2, 2006 07:19 PM
Ha ha ha! Speaking for myself, it is a-okay for you to call my stuff stuff, because then I get to say "Oh, it's not stuff, there's this mystery object over here, it's from blah, it reminds me of frenna frenna, I keep it because fooey", and so on, and so forth, and you'll really LOOK like you're listening but may not be, and after I do something thoughtless that makes you think I don't adore you, you'll call my stuff stuff again to get my goat, and it will work, and my stubbornness at smoothing over disputes will further your belief that I never adored you like you deserve, and you won't make up to me like I secretly wish and then we'll just sort of leave each other alone for a really long time.
May I suggest you practice the Taurean relations with a female friend first? The T-C pairing really is a good one, but there's lots of Astair-Rogers footwork involved in the early days. I'm doing that advice thing again, but you said it was okay.
Thanks for the great horoscopes. Me likey.
Posted by: Becky at October 2, 2006 07:25 PM
DAGNY!! I know. I do. If you red this here online diary you get a little of me, sometimes too much (the divorce stuff) but never All The Story. It comes out in a trickle, like Chinese Water Torture LOL
Posted by: laurie at October 2, 2006 07:28 PM
and Liz, I thank you, and Mol, too, and please let it be known I adore the nice words even though I simmer inwardly for months on the icky ones ;)
Posted by: laurie at October 2, 2006 07:29 PM
why is that, anyway? why is it so easy to discount eleventy nice words and hold onto one bad word?
Posted by: laurie at October 2, 2006 07:30 PM
I wasn't really planning on come over here to read your Horro-scopes, but some ox pulled my wagon in this direction and here I am. ... wonder where I'm going next ... any wagons round here? I seem to have lost mine. Not sure where I was supposed to park it in all those planned out spots. Now, what was it I was supposed to write down...
Posted by: Dorothy B at October 2, 2006 07:32 PM
Virgos love you back, sugar!! Unless, you know, you do...that thing. That pisses us off.
Posted by: Amanda at October 2, 2006 07:35 PM
"It's a sick Cancer quality that we crave and need adoration the way we need food and water (wine) but we are completely incapable of believing that anyone would love us."
This is so true. Sad, twisted, and alas, so very, very true. We are our own worst enemies.
Now I will go out and tell everyone that there are only eighty-two days till Christmas. Ha.
Posted by: Owldaughter at October 2, 2006 07:36 PM
Regarding holding on to the one bad word, you might check out the story of Bluebeard in 'Women Who Run With the Wolves' by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. Call it Bluebeard's echo, if you will, that need to believe the bad things.
Posted by: Becky at October 2, 2006 07:40 PM
As a Taurus, I have one question . . . when were you in my house?????? Next time say hello!
My husband says that my nickname should be "Kudzu" because the things on "my side" of the closet are creeping over to "his side."
Posted by: melly at October 2, 2006 08:14 PM
This virgo loves this month's 'scope.
Posted by: Emily at October 2, 2006 08:24 PM
I don't relate to (most of) that wishy washy lovey dovey stuff about Cancers, thanks for posting an honest reading :)
Posted by: karenology at October 2, 2006 08:42 PM
Also, I kind of want to print out your horoscope and wear it on a sign so people understand. Crabs need to feel the love, mmkay?
Posted by: karenology at October 2, 2006 08:47 PM
I just had to tell you how much I look forward to your horoscopes. I read them for the entire week and watch everyone I know (whose birthday I actually remember) to see if they're fulfilling their zodiacal responsibilities.
Also? I'm a Scorpio, so don't skip another month if you know what's good for you. I will frown silently at you like you've never been frowned silently at before.
;)
Posted by: Debbie at October 2, 2006 08:47 PM
This Taurus would date you! I'd bring along a bottle of Marlborough Sauv Blanc or perhaps a Waipara Riesling as well! ;)
Although - shhhhhh - you may have to share me with a certain man....
Posted by: Sarah at October 2, 2006 08:57 PM
OMG I have to echo Melly- when were you in my house? I have actually had to tell people they can't visit, it's such a mess.
According to Webster, "flotsam" is debris floating on water, "jetsam" is stuff thrown overboard to lighten the weight of the ship (so wouldn't it become flotsam?). You often remind me of the damnedest things that I always meant to look up but never got around to.
Posted by: Sue F. at October 2, 2006 09:09 PM
Ouch. I am alone in my Leo cheeziness. Damn. You nailed it.
Posted by: Leigh at October 2, 2006 09:34 PM
I am a Pisces and I take umbrage at being called fishy.
Posted by: Neil at October 2, 2006 10:41 PM
Ahhhh...the Libra thing.....you snared both Zoey and my husband in that one. Well done! They are SOOOO Libra. It ranckles my Leo-ness!
Posted by: Trixie at October 2, 2006 11:48 PM
Flotsam? You dare call it flotsam?
And this balanced crap? No. Not this month. This month is ME! All about me! (To balance out all the rest of the time when I give a flying...leap about everybody else.
ME!
And I think it's jetsam. Or my boyfriend. I'm not sure yet.
Posted by: k at October 3, 2006 12:44 AM
DAY-UM, girl. You are good. Damn good. My mother is a very, very good astrologer, and she would be impressed with your musings (I really am serious about that). If Nancy Reagan had had you doing her chart, the world might be very different today.
You nailed everything except for one thing: ICH BEIN DER UBER-DORK! Me personally. This Goat here, that is. I am such an uber-dork that when I posted a picture of some cable-work on my blog to see if anyone else could notice a minor flaw ... and no one said they could see it ... I actually re-posted the photo with the errant stitches CIRCLED IN YELLOW and now I am feeling paranoid because people STILL aren't saying that they see them, so I know they are secretly mocking me and just being nice. If someone ... just ONE PERSON ... would just say, "yes, I got out a magnifying glass, and after three hours I did find the error, but otherwise, I would not have...." I would feel better.
I am a Capricorn with EVERY major planet, including my Saturn (!!!) in Capricorn, except for my Venus, which is in Cancer, and Uranus, which is in Leo. Oh, and Moon in Virgo. There is not ONE BREATH of the element AIR in my chart.
But it's not like I am OCD or anything.
So, as the perfect complement to an insomniac, obsessive-compulsive, hopelessly romantic animal behaviorist who is also a maniacal knitter ... I married a Pisces with a Scorpio Moon. It's perfect, in its own way, like bacon and jelly, or ketchup and eggs.
Posted by: dez at October 3, 2006 01:37 AM
I'm a Sag, and being told what to do makes me see red, even when I know I'm being retarded.
Is not liking being told what to do a normal Sag thing?
Posted by: Jeannie at October 3, 2006 03:04 AM
You nailed the Cancer thing, which is my ex. Now I now why he drove me crazy--me being a Scorpio and all.
Posted by: lorinda at October 3, 2006 03:30 AM
I do have flotsam. And jetsam too for that matter!
Posted by: Kate at October 3, 2006 04:16 AM
You may be a goobernut but we do love you!
Posted by: Cheryl in PA at October 3, 2006 05:08 AM
"I know ya'll say you don't mind your little quirks, but boy are ya'll sensitive to even implied future criticism."
Laurie! I.F.C. gets me all the time! Just ask this cap's scorpio boyfriend.... he'll tell you - He still holds a grudge about it ;)
Posted by: brianne at October 3, 2006 05:33 AM
Hey I was born on Halloween!!! 28 days until my birthday......Love the spooky scopes
Posted by: Toya at October 3, 2006 05:40 AM
Those are eerily accurate!!!
Posted by: Justin at October 3, 2006 05:51 AM
Oh, dear. My husband is an Aquarius and I am a Leo. (Big time.) I'm a litle ashamed to say you hit the nail on the head with this one, particularly given recent events in our lives. I always find it a bit creepy when that happens!
Posted by: Tammany at October 3, 2006 06:14 AM
Oh, I thought I loved you and here you go exposing me to the world. I think it's over for us.
(Not really, I'll still blogstalk you and talk about you to my family as if they knew you (well, even as if *I* knew you))
I'm worried about Roy--he looked kind of kitty-pathetic in his last blog appearance--is he okay (is his own medicated way)?
Posted by: Suzie at October 3, 2006 06:53 AM
Love the Cancer 'scope - you're so right! 119 days until Christmas! ;-) (heh heh)
Posted by: Mary in Virginia at October 3, 2006 07:03 AM
Oh geez, you sure saw what kind of Libra mood I've been in these days. This is me right now: "I really do want to see everything you do and who you are in a balanced and fair way, I really do, but get the hell out of my way and shut up so I can do it." ggrrrr!
Posted by: Colleen at October 3, 2006 07:18 AM
you are on the money for taurus and gemini. geminis- particular- I love that word. course it doesnt explain why my virgo parents are so *particular*. and hubby is a taurus and thinks you're cute, if that counts. he also thinks we are related, frighteningly enough...
Posted by: Tonja at October 3, 2006 07:32 AM
oh, how i love the horoscopes. And yes, we aquarians do need a 17day rule
Posted by: erin at October 3, 2006 07:32 AM
leo is great too- my 5yo little girl is already exhibiting the symptoms...
Posted by: Tonja at October 3, 2006 07:38 AM
Ha! You SO have Pisces pegged. I think I'll go cry now.
(Only kidding, although what with The Change and all, you never know.)
(My husband is a Capricorn, and he loves jokes. Also kids. Maybe he is a closet Cancer.)
Posted by: Lucia at October 3, 2006 07:45 AM
Are you stalking me or something? That has to be the most dead-on summation of me (I'm an Aquarius) I've ever seen. I think my best friend is just glad someone ELSE said it, and not her. ;)
Posted by: Sarah at October 3, 2006 07:46 AM
Ah, we Geminis are a bit out there, but really, we're twice the fun too!
And the Boy is a Libra...ai! That "justice at all costs" thing is so annoying...especially when they're not being so "fair and balanced."
ha! there's way too much air in both of our bags, but really, most other signs can't deal with us for extended periods of time so he and I are perfect for each other. mostly. hehe.
Posted by: jaclyn at October 3, 2006 08:15 AM
Another Cancer Demanding Adoration. I force my child to call me Mother, Dear, Queen of the Universe. I even forced him to write it on the fly leaf of a book he gave me for Mother's Day last year.
Posted by: Ellene at October 3, 2006 08:34 AM
I'm a freakin' Aries. Wahhhhh!
Posted by: Mary in Boston at October 3, 2006 08:57 AM
Being a Libra, whose 44th birthday is looming, barely three whole days away!!!!!!! I can attest to the accuracy of your predictions and observations about us (i.e. me). We really *don't* need things fair & balanced, EXCEPT when it applies to US. :D
Posted by: Suzanne at October 3, 2006 09:37 AM
Oooh, testify Jeannie -- being told what to do is at the very top of this (retarded) Scorpio's hate list too!! (Think we'll ever outgrow it? Doubtful. ;)
Posted by: Mol at October 3, 2006 09:41 AM
Sorry to hear Uranus is in my house.
Posted by: psychomom at October 3, 2006 10:24 AM
HOLY CRAP.
I'm an aquarian. How the HELL do you know all that?!?! Who have you been talking to?! And if I enforced the 17-day rule, how am I expected to have any fun?!?!?
Outstanding, as always, Purl. Thanks!
Posted by: MonkeyGurrl at October 3, 2006 10:40 AM
I mix as much as possible and my Leo ass is still alone! Ugh!!! I give up. I've been dubbed quirkyalone and I think I'm going to wallow in my quirkyaloness and knit as much as I possibly can. Lace here I come!!!
Posted by: Tevana at October 3, 2006 10:51 AM
I love the Horror-scopes. (Horror for October?) Yes indeed, I can hold a grudge forever, but I don't feel guilty about it. Nope, Nope.
Posted by: kathleen2 at October 3, 2006 11:17 AM
I'm an Aquarius and I still love you. I'll be laughing about my seventeen day rule for, you know, seventeen days. You're SO RIGHT and you SO ROCK.
And no, we Aquarii never WANT to obsessively plan. Ever.
Posted by: Noelle at October 3, 2006 11:18 AM
ROTFL!
Gotta love your horoscopes!
How do you do it? Please tell!
Posted by: Juliana at October 3, 2006 12:06 PM
"I do wonder if we'd be able to move around our house, though, cluttered as it would be with my memories and your stuff. Whoops!"
It is so wrong that before I even read the "Whoops," I was already mentally huffing and puffing about the fact that "my house isn't full of stuff."
Girl, find yourself a Taurus, quick! We might be stubborn, but we love to eat and we are great in bed! And we are loyal to a fault!
Posted by: Jenny at October 3, 2006 12:54 PM
Also, sorry to say, Myanus is a Tauuus. You can have him but I wouldn't recommend him.
Posted by: psychomom at October 3, 2006 01:21 PM
oops
Tauuus = Taurus
Posted by: psychomom at October 3, 2006 01:25 PM
This Libra will celebrate 50 (!) years of age and RETIRE the same day after 25 years at the university, same department for the N-tire 25 years.
I am so Libra, extreme fair and balanced. No grey - black or white. Right or wrong. period. So this one missed me, but you are usually spot on, Laurie!
Posted by: Donna at October 3, 2006 01:30 PM
I must be a mutant Pisces or something because I LOVE hugs! Maybe because my daddy "hugged the dickens out of me" when I was a kid.
Thanks for the fun "horrorscopes".
Posted by: Kim at October 3, 2006 02:36 PM
Laurie, I am de-lurking to let you know just how dead-on you are. This past weekend, I drove 1000 miles (one way) to visit my awesome, wonderful boyfriend.
So, I'm a Scorpio and my boyfriend is a Pisces (they are so loveable!). We decide to go to a party Saturday night (party=lots of alcohol!!) So, lots of drinks later, I decide I'm pissed at him. (I don't remember why) I yell across a whole room of strangers....FUCK YOU very much! Uh, oops! So, after the whole night of him ignoring me, we get home and I proceed to tell him EXACTLY what's on my mind!
So, just to recap....I drove 1000 miles to get drunk, make an ass out of myself, and totally let every stupid thing fall out of my mouth...and ended up sleeping alone!
I woke up the next morning feeling sooooo guilty! I think this guilt will stay with me for a long time. And yes, it's a good thing, in a crazy round-about kinda way.
Can I just ask a teensy-weensy little favor? Can you post the 'scopes before the month starts, so I can save myself the guilt and craziness?
Posted by: jennifer at October 3, 2006 03:11 PM
I...AM...NOT...A...DORK!!!!!!
Posted by: smokeyJoe at October 3, 2006 05:20 PM
Hi! Aquarius-Pisces cusp (scorpio rising). I love your horroscopes! Not only are they clever and fun, but usually pretty dead on.
Yay! :)
Posted by: Ree at October 3, 2006 08:23 PM
Good god that was beautiful! I'm a Scorpio and its funny and true. My secret guilt about making people feel like utter shit keeps me in check when I'm pissed off. I'm therefore less of an asshole than I used to be ;)
And my husband is a Taurus. Not only does he often have mental spreadsheets for his keepsakes (I call "junk" under my breath) but often times he has physical ones. Yes, he is THAT much of a Taurus. Not only that but a Taurus raised by a Taurus. Hehehehe.
Thank you for the horoscopes. Very cool ;)
Posted by: Johanna at October 3, 2006 09:37 PM
Hey Laurie,
I'm Pisces (but with ascendant in Gemini, so keep that in mind) and I plunged head first...and re-emerged victorious (with a Leo). ;-) Just so you know. And I like being hugged...although only by some selected people...you, of course, are one of them. ;-p
Posted by: Elemmaciltur at October 4, 2006 05:28 AM
Oh wow...you so nailed my Ariesness on this one!
Posted by: ck at October 4, 2006 07:49 AM
"Left alone in a room with a computer and an innernet connection, ya'll will be up to no good in about three seconds flat."
I was at a school thing with my daughter, the Aquarian. We were left with a live internet connection. We were busted in 5 minutes for going to Imdb. And I came home and read this.
Anyway. Boyfriend is a Cancer. It's good to read here that he will probably never believe that I worship and adore him, and that I might as well quit wasting my time convincing him, and just get down to living. Much easier, and way more about me.
Posted by: k at October 4, 2006 10:30 AM
To explain the Sag non-list thing: We generally don't need lists because things just happen to us in the right order. Wonderful things just fall in our laps, sometimes literally. We are just plain old fasioned LUCKY. As I have been told a number of times, I was born with a horse-shoe up my a$$.
I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: Imaginary Maggie at October 4, 2006 11:24 AM
You're a lucky Sag, Maggie.
I saw a psychic once who told me not to gamble because I'm not lucky that way. And she's right!
Posted by: Jeannie at October 4, 2006 11:48 AM
I resent what you said about Capies!!! I don't care if it is true. And I know that everyone is laughing at me, and if they're not laughing at me now, they will be.
Unfortunately, I have to admit that I have not yet totally embraced the inner dorkiness that is me. I can laugh at jokes; I can even tell some jokes, but I can never laugh at jokes about me. Because then everyone would know that I am not perfect. And I even have my Leo husband convinced that I am perfect. I am the salty cracker in his life! I am the whine! Er, I mean I am the wine! A fine cabernet, I believe.
Don't laugh.
Posted by: Jo at October 4, 2006 12:19 PM
Oh MY!
My first visit here and you've absolutely nailed me (mildly obsessive Leo), my husband (nagged Sagittarius) and all three of our children.
Off to read more...
Posted by: bec of the ladies lounge at October 4, 2006 01:03 PM
when I saw this link, I thought of your blog
http://www.flickr.com/groups/catswholounge/
Posted by: Guy Real at October 4, 2006 01:18 PM
Cons of my latest and greatest good idea?! Snort!
Posted by: Paula at October 4, 2006 01:48 PM
It's true. Adoration is exactly what I want!!!!!
Oh, and I adore you, dahling...
Absolutely Adore.
Now, leave me alone so I can lock myself in my room and cry.
Posted by: Shelly at October 4, 2006 03:21 PM
Wow! I made it! I read your whole post! I'm Virgo. But I was born 3 weeks late, so I'm probably Leo.
Posted by: Julie at October 4, 2006 05:01 PM
Not sure how I fit into all this, I'm on the cusp between Capricorn and Aquarius - I don't like taking risks or doing anything naughty or impulsive as convinced it'll all go horribly wrong, I'll get caught and the world will end but I'm constantly taking the micky out of myself and laughing at myself (as my mum says even if other people are laughing at you at least they are laughing!). So confused now about where I fit! Hey ho!
Posted by: Mandy at October 5, 2006 03:54 AM
These are eerily accurate. (Hi, I'm a cancer too!) (The Object of My Affection is a Pisces, and OMG yes. That's him.)
Posted by: Karen at October 5, 2006 12:22 PM
I love your description of the secret icky bits and odd judgemental streaks of the Virgo. I once broke up with a girl because she kept putting the dishes away in the wrong place. Couldn't take it...she had to go. And she didn't pet my cats right.
You rock. One of these days I must come to the stitch & bitch so I can meet you in person.
Posted by: Lyssa at October 5, 2006 12:51 PM
When I was little living in Lafayette, my sister and I would ride our bicycles with our Dad to USL. He was working on his Master's degree and my sis and I would hang out by Cypress Lake while he was in the library; we once watched one of the gators attack a couple of ducks; the ducks were feisty and got away though.
Posted by: finance girl at October 5, 2006 03:50 PM
In case you think I'm bonkers, I forgot to mention that my comment is in relation to your Libra comments re: Bayou Lafayette
Posted by: finance girl at October 5, 2006 03:51 PM
