My inner fat child just ordered a 2-pound tin of cookies, for absolutely no reason except I want them. (Well, I guess that's THE reason, isn't it? They're really good cookies, though.) But the 1-pound tin wouldn't be enough? It would, except the 2-pound tin is a better buy, and as long as I'm ordering, I might as well be cost-conscious, right? Even if it's more money? Right?

Help.

This is what you made for "him?" Laurie, you're going to have to beat him off with a stick. man fix car - love meat!

Got another one for you...goat cheese with "soy choirzo" in it - its a fake choirzo but real would probably work if you squeeze it out of the "skin". Mush the goat cheese and choirzo together and put that inside of the chicken breast...to die for!

Ohhhh....this sounds delicious. I am going to have to make this recipe.

Did you get email from me earlier this week?

OK. That sounds like an awesome plan, one that I could stick too. If it weren't for the Doritos...

Right then. Off to pound some chicken into submission.

(Frankie is such a beautiful little girl, by the way!)

With all that bacon Roy must have been in hog-heaven. :)

And Miss Frankie is way too cute to eat!

Who knew it was easier to come to Aunt Purl's site for recipes than Food Network?
Thanks for the ideas, I'm currently a third-time offender on the Atkins diet. Muchas appreciated!

Frankie looks worried about the hammer! She is so beautiful!

Perhaps you should wrap some greenies with bacon as a special treat for Roy? (and don't forget to tell him it was MY idea, okay?)

My husband insists that he's on the Atkins diet as well. I told him that eating bacon-double-cheeseburgers for breakfast, lunch and dinner is NOT Atkins!

Enjoy your weekend, honey!!!

I'm dying laughing...what a great Friday post. I think I'm going to have to have something with bacon for lunch.

BTW, last night I referred to you as my friend (simle, smile, heart, heart). My knitting teacher said, "isn't that cute that you're usinf rings as stitch markers" and I said, "that's what my friend Laurie does."

Thanks babe!

Okay, I want a meat hammer. Every woman should have one. I beat my dinner with a cork screw last night. That sounds a lot kinkier than it was. Thanks for chicken breast ideas The fact that it is wrapped in bacon I know my sons will definitely eat it. Ummm bacon and goat cheese. Wow! a chicken, a pig and a goat and cats at Purls zoo. Thank GOD it's Friday!!!!

We so love you. You crack me up AND give recipes. WHat can be better than that?

Too funny! Hmmm bacon... ever notice how it makes everything better?

My inner fat child is sitting on the couch eating a jar of nutella with a spoon. And for that matter, so am I.

YES, yes!!!! I find that nothing gets me back on track like a beaten chicken wrapped in alotta sin! And, sorry for the slightly tacky, orgasmic chant - I'm off to make some bacon for lunch now....cheap thrills are all I have to live for.

And since we're talking about chicken, I took some boneless breasts out of my big freezer yesterday for dinner. Just before I was about to prepare it, I noticed the date on it. July 27, 1999.

We didn't have chicken last night. Aetna (our medical insurance) should send me a big fruit basket as thanks!

We make the same darn thing - only a little different..
We don't pound our chicken - instead we use those pre-cut tender deals & instead of bacon we use pruscuitto(sp) ham. Wrap up 3 tenders with cream cheese mixture inside the hammy goodness & pop those bad boys in the oven at 350 for a while and dude you've got yourself one yummy dinner.

Next step on Atkins - a wonderful concoction wherein you grill a hunk of beef & then put blue cheese butter on it. Blue cheese butter would be 1/2 blue cheese 1/2 butter just smashed together. HEAVENLY!

Try the chicken filled with soft cheese flavoured with garlic and herbs (I use Boursin). It goes well with bacon. Yummy!

Chicken breast stuffed with garlic and herb cream cheese, breadcrumbed and DEEP-FRIED! Even better...!

Darling Laurie-

Considering what you consume is certainly one aspect of managing your life to a healthier and trimmer you. But it's not nearly as effective as changing the number of calories your body burns in a day through changing your activity level. More activity burns more calories and makes more muscle which burns more calories. And weight may not shift much, but dress sizes will drop.

Bacon is delicious. I don't blame you.

Well, yum and yum. And cumin on anything makes it even yummier.

Goat cheese, OoOoOoOhHhHh!
You need to work a cream cheese filling in there, too.

A tasty treat AND you get to take out all your frustrations. What could be better?

Kenneth has a thought there. So _I_ vote for MORE BACON..AND okay, getting out of the elevator on the first floor and climbing up two flights of stairs on the way to the office next week. Then the next week it'll be three flights..blah blah.
Then, to keep the metabolism going during the day, go out and stomp up and down a flight every hour on the hour.
Strewth! No gym fees, hours lost to mind-numbing treadmills, AND I admit, I lost 5 lbs that way when I worked in a high-rise. And of course- MORE BACON!!
(My inner fat child wants pancakes with whipped cream for breakfast....)

There is no way I can give up food. No Way. But I really want to be the size I was when I started graduate school. And the 5 years I spend on anti-depressants because no doctor could actually figure out I had arthritis? 30 lbs. So, I exercise. Walking at lunch. Weight lifting for my arms, chest, and back. Riding my bike. ANYTHING. Cause really, I don't like exercise but I like food more than I dislike exercise

Oh, god, that sounds tasty.

Damn it, now I have to buy bacon and cheese on the way home.

A tasty treat AND you get to pound out all your frustrations? What could be better?

baconbaconbaconbacon!

Goat cheese...cave-aged gruyere...sun dried tomatoes ...I sense that the Chicken Hammerer has been shopping at Trader Joe's! Mmmm, Trader Joe's. I will never lose five pounds, because Trader Joe is my true friend.

Frankie is cute enough to wrap in bacon and eat!

Two other great Mexican treats involving bacon and wrapping are bacon wrapped stuffed shrimp and, I kid you not, bacon wrapped hotdogs. They sell the hotdogs from carts all over Mexico City. Nitrite wrapped nitrites - mmmmmmmm.

OMG. You do realize I just went to the doctor yesterday and you know how they bring you into the exam room and say "the doctor will be right in" and then there you are for ten minutes (or more) looking at the scale in the corner that's eyeing you back and chuckling evilly? I have gained seven pounds since I last thought "gosh, that's a big number, OK, now something absolutely really truly must be done about this."

Thanks a LOT.

BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (like the dog on tv)

OMG! I love chicken with cheese and bacon! I'm currently obssesed with the McDonald's grilled club, that's all I eat when we go there (which is way too much!) I make a version of your chicken at home but I don't beat the meat! ha!ha!ha! I just season it, stuff it, wrap it in bacon, and bake it under done then I broil it on both sides to get the bacon crispy. I like mine with a little black bean and corn salsa. Mighty tastey! Must have chicken sandwich now!

How come your food obsessions always end up on my a**?

Food, good. Poor man's Cordon Bleu (Ham & cheese, wrapped in chicken?????????)With the red neck twist tie (Bacon). Oh boy, I'm actually wanting to make this. I can get away with it though because I live in Oklahoma. You live in So. Ca. and I don't even think they SELL BACON IN CALIFORNIA. Soo clearly you have friends and family smuggling it in for you. :)

Oh and it would be a perfect Atkins Diet if you lost the veggies. That was the one thing I couldn't stand about the diet, no fruits and veggies. But you will lose that five punds very quickly.....beware.

Ciao!!! TGIF!!!!

my inner fat child ate 12 oreos last night. a lowfat turkey sandwich, and then 12 oreos.

Oh Laurie, I love ya and all, but gosh this post is a vegan's nightmare! So, um, are you knitting these days or what? When do the temperatures start getting colder in LA? How is the clutter purging going? Hugs to one of my favorite carnivores! :0)

heeheeee, you said "beat"....

How did you know I took chicken breasts out of the freezer this morning to thaw for dinner? Chicken Yule logs it is, although I may have to improvise the meat hammer - maybe a can of refried beans? Hey, beans inside the chicken!

Frankie is...absolutely stunning.

Chicken? Good.

Cheese? Goood.

Bacon? GOOOOD.

It's all just very, very good.

That cracks me up! So did you lose any weight on your homegrown chicken-yule log version of Atkins?

Oh, in case you don't feel like going out for a meat hammer, the poor man (girl) meat hammer is a 2x4 (toobefor) and wrap the chicken in waxed paper before beating the crap out of it. Try not to have too much fun.
The goat cheese and dried tomato version sounds awesome.Must.get.chicken.

My goodness. I think I heard my arteries actually snapping shut half-way through this post.

Have you told the Surgeon General about this recipe?

I think I'll be making this and using my meat hammer this weekend. Dh won't ever know what hit him. HA! HA!

Yummy. Bacon sounds delicious. As does pancetta. And proscuitto. And other fattening, cancer causing meats that I eat regularly.

My inner fat child needs a Reeses Peanut Butter cup, stat!

*Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!*

I think your diet book would be a bestseller.

I went vegetarian and lost 35 pounds... well, the exercise part helped as well, but cutting out meat and eating more veggies always helps.

I ain't too happy with my inner fat child either. I tipped the scale at my dr's appt. this week at the heaviest I've ever been. Btw: since this week was all about bacon, I hope that you did share with Roy.

Ha! I just bought bacon! (I had a hankering for a BLT for dinner but then ate frozen mint milanos and melba crips for dinner instead and washed it down with a half-liter of Coke. And to think I used to be a great cook!) And I have chicken! Kismet. Serendipity. I believe I will have chicken wrapped in bacon for dinner. With cheese. (The feta do you suppose, or cheddar? Also have some pecorino-romano around here...)

"I like food more than I dislike exercise"

Yeah, Theresa, I'm with you!

you know, as you described the whole thing i was thinking atkins.

heh heh meat hammer....

Roy must be sitting in the kitchen waiting for things to fall. I sincerely hope you are dropping a couple of strips of your bacon-wrapped yule logs for him; Roy's too sweet to have to want.

Roy, honey? If she's not droppin' for you, call me. I'll have a ticket waiting at the airport for you.

You know there is a cookbook called "Everything Tastes Better with Bacon"? I kid you not, go look it up. There is even a cookie recipe for bacon. Not that I'm trying to enable the inner fat child...

There's a 300-pound woman trying to get in my body right now. Man does that food sound great! The photo of Frankie reminds me of Phantom of the Opera, with the little mask thingy. Looks better on Frankie.

I feel like I should point out that you're cooking stuff you're happy to eat. I vaguely remember reading something somewhere about a Crazy Aunt Purl who had to order pizza everytime she tried to cook for friends. You should be exceedingly pleased with yourself. And also invite me over for dinner.

That kitty is so cute. He looks like someone decided to paint him black but then changed their mind in the middle of the project or ran out of paint... hee hee. I love your blog. :)

I love love love Anthony Bourdain. I mean really, a cooking show that shows parental discretion messages after every group of commercials? How can you not be intrigued?

Anyhoo, I drug out my meat mallet by coincidence last night and was pounding away on some chicken to stuff with ham and cheese. So, question for you... how did you pound your chicken without salmonella juice spewing everywhere including all over the apples you (I) had laying on the counter? The only tip I can offer is *not* to cover with waxed paper first because that gets beaten into the chicken and then you (I) have to tell the kiddos not only to watch out for the toothpicks but also avoid inhaling any waxed paper bits that were overlooked.

Because cats takes like Chicken! EWWW!
Have ya tried the applewood smoked bacon from Trader Joes...it is the best damn bacon in the whole world. Just had to share.

I am so. making. this.

MMMmMmmmMMm

Anthony Bourdain! *drool*

This sounds yummy :) And as a fellow bacon affectiano might I recommend Farmland Thick sliced bacon. I've tried them all and this one is way awesome!

Guess I need to obtain a meat hammer coz I could use me a little pounding of meat to get rid of some aggression lately!

Bacon sushi--brilliant!

Hey! The Crochet Dude just put an Atkins-friendly recipe for cheesy Halloween "eyeballs" on his blog. They actually sound wonderful, all filled with cheese and butter. (PLEASE don't you that fake butter stuff, butter is better tasting and better for you, trust me.)

South Texan-
Big ol' zip lock baggie- the freezer kind. Really. That there chicken gets thinner than a Girl Scout thin mint and no nasty science experiments on the kitchen walls.
I LOVE food channel, but since my butt has been making plans to take over the Los Angeles basin by sheer mass, I've had to stop watching. GAWD I can't help it- I watch, I drool, I MUST EAT!!!
I miss Good Eats. But then, watching Alton's
latest series WAS a good diet incentive (shudder) He's a dear smart man...but he's gained a distressing amount of weight, and it just does NOT look healthy!

What about the car? How did you get it fixed?
I'm changing the subject from bacon to other things. I would, though, really like to know what happened with your car.

My Inner Fat Child is supposed to be on a strict GI diet.

But somehow the Inner Fat Child and the Raging Binge Drinker have had a massive falling out, and it's all gone the way of the dodo. Bollocks.

And I really need to get me one of those meat hammer things.

Try Blu Cheese with a minced shallot. Mmmmm . . . blu cheese . . .

Oh, Laurie, honey, I love you so much! I was just looking at another blog that shall remain nameless where the blogger is slinking around in a handknit miniskirt looking wicked sexy (even her butt looks good in this thing, which just is not natural if you ask me) and I'm simultaneously gorging on butter shortbread cookies (Trader Joe's) and think how much I hate knitting bloggers in general, especially ones who seem to be flaunting the fact that they don't sit in front of the computer for hours at a time eating cookies. But YOU have restored my faith that not all bloggers have sacrificed decent tasting food! Yum! And, as a bonus, I no longer have a craving for cookies. Now I crave bacon, which I have none in the house, so, you know, you saved me from eating the rest of the (new) box of cookies.

BTW, I already have the meat hammer. So I'm good to go as soon as I get the bacon.

Don't you just love that man? Talk about your walkin' occasion to sin...

What?

Oh, yeah. Took my fat inner child jean shopping at Old Navy again today. It wasn't pretty and she's grounded for a while.

My inner child is a thin person screaming to get out, but a box of cookies usually shuts her up.

ps.
I love Anthony Bordain's "No Reservations" too.

I don't have an Inner Fat Child. I was so skinny when I was a child, you could put a stamp on me and mail me. If I'd had a twin, you could have knit Shetland shawls with us. I could eat anything I wanted, and lots of it. I remained that way until I was 30. Something happpened to my hormones and now I have an Outer Chunky Adult.

And my Outer Chunky Adult thinks the bacon-cheese-chicken thing sounds muy delcioso.

And if you think that's good, get yourself (and some bacon) down here and I'll teach you how to cook Cajun, yeah.

Don't forget to give some of the goodness to the kitties -- a LITTLE people food once in a while is OK.

There's a movie starring the Dave Clark Five in which the British meat industry is planning a publicity campaign to promote the three-meat meal. Now, we have the three-meat entree. Brilliant!

Mmm, bacon! I tried the Atkins diet, too, but after about 2 months I couldn't handle the meat & cheese extravaganza. My pores were beginning to seep butterfat, or at least it *felt* like it.

Hope Roy's getting a little bacon love. Frankie looks stunning, as usual. :)

We here at Chez SpinWeaveKnitCake are on the Phat-kins Diet ourselves. Cheese, bacon, and beer fill the fridge and nourish our inner fat children.

For the Hell of it try this bacon dip with ruffled chips: one pound of cooked bacon whizzed a couple of times in a food processor to chop, then add a pound of prepared horseradish (stuff in a jar, drained via strainer), finally add in one 16 ounce tub of sour cream (full on fat or light) and process to combine ingredients and chill overnight. Crazy evil.

Meat stuffed with meat wrapped in meat? Sounds like a winnner to me!!
(also, if you happen to misplace the meat hammer? A small pan or a bottle of wine or even your fist is an acceptable sub)

DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! (Inner fat child insisted on caps.) Thanks for the laughs and the tip! Carnivorous hubby will be very happy.
I'm not a vegetarian, forbid, but whenever I make dinner with no meat it's "It's good, but where's the meat?" This will make us both happy!

that sounds amazing! good luck with the diet!!

All that delish ush ness and a CAT on a QUILT to boot!!!!!Atkins worked crazy good for my guy..just eat lots of veggies too...wrapped in bacon.....

I say it's all good. Just don't start my habit of cooking up a pound of bacon all at once. I then store it in a ziploc bag in the fridge as snacks. Yep, I said it. I snack on bacon. On bad days, I may scarf down four or five pieces in a couple of minutes.

Ha ha ha. I just spoke to my friend from Atlanta today who described his "my wife is away on a trip" meal as "Enchiweenies" and I couldn't help but think of this blog of yours today. He said it was the perogative of a southern man to use a tube of meat in a roll of tortilla (which he pronounced tor-til-ya) with some fired up sauce and "plenny" of cheese. Go figure.

Good luck with the "atkins" - it works - I lost 7 lb that way.

For those of us who don't really cook but will occasionally fire up the grill, I like marinating strips of chicken breasts in Kraft's Zesty Italian salad dressing for several hours, cooking bacon in the microwave until it's about 1/2 done, then wrapping the chicken with the bacon and threading the whole shebang on a skewer and grilling it. It will generate smoke, though, which is why I partly pre-cook the bacon. And do it outdoors. Mmmmmmmmm, bacon....

Watching food is just stupid- make sure you eat your 5-a-day and eat whatever else you want. The only way of loosing fat not weight is excersise!

This is one of the funniest things you've ever written, if I do say so.

Hi!

Also, I discovered that Ish's favorite meal is anything that involves meat-on-meat action. In fact, last night we had "pork cordon bleu" except the pysics of stuffing anything inside pork kind of were lost on me, so it ended up just being pork covered in canadian bacon and gruyere. It was kind of amazing.

p.s. There is an amazing recipe that involves instead of chicken being rolled up, you roll up fancy meatloaf. (First you flatten it, cover it in cheese and prosciutto, THEN roll it. OMG.)

I'm drooling, thanks.

I HEART you, and your commenters! Fun, yummy, evil stuff. Just what the doctor ordered on a completely sh!tty day for me. Bring it on. mmmmmmmmmm.

Frankie is fabulous.

That sounds like a very tasty week. Maybe I could get the Mr. to eat cheese if I wrap it in ham, chicken and bacon. heck, I'd eat nearly anything if it was done up like that!

Drool

'scuse me while I munch on my carrot.

Oh, yum! And what a beautiful pic of an oh-so-slightly worried Frankie!

I killed my inner child last week.
With a small wheel of brie baked in brown sugar and topped off with slivered almonds.
It took 2 days for 'her' to die.

I didn't get all the way through your post without thinking, "What's the problem? This is Atkins! She'll be down 5 pounds by Monday!"

So, you still have chicken breasts? Next time, pound the hell out of them, fill with feta and asparagus spears, wrap in bacon (if you must!) and you have another fine, Atkins worthy chickeny feast. Our local meat shop makes those, so we can just pick them up, bring them home and throw them in the oven. Oh. My. God...

Tony Bourdain, my hero...if you think he's fun on TV, you should read his books, if you haven't already.

My guy lost 80 pounds in a year on a modified Atkins and lots of walking. He can stick to a diet, but isn't much for regular exercise. I am terrific about exercise but CANNOT diet (with six years of Bon Appetit back issues? Cmon!) So together we make a good pair.

Thanks to him, I now only stock the fridge with Coke Zero - not the sugary sodas and I"ve learned how to cook with Splenda. Nutella by the spoonful? Yup. That's still a vice of mine but one spoonful does less damage than a candy bar, and when you have to write everything you eat down, it's amazing what you don't eat.

I also work for a company where everyone is a health researcher and if there are vending machines in the building, I've yet to find them. Coming from a newsroom/junk food culture, it's weird to see these guys load up their plates with fresh fruit at a meeting, and then, AFTER they've eaten every last melon ball, help themselves to ONE cookie. Maybe.

Little changes, over time, do the job. You've had your whole life upended with the divorce, having to move, etc. You've made FANTASTIC progress, but it takes years to get over something like that. I'm six years post-divorce, and I'm just now starting to feel more like my old self again.

Oh another thing we do: Sunday is our cheat day, and we can have ANYTHING we want. We try not to overdo it, but it always includes a brunch with bacon and French toast, and usually ends with pizza for dinner.

Great recipe, BTW! Meat hammers are VERY therapeutic.

oh gosh. Yum.

You know what I like wrapped in bacon? meatloaf. Meatloaf the way my mom makes it with the hard-boiled eggs in the center, and with huge slabbs of fatty bacon over the top. With gravy. And mashed potatos.

My inner fat child is expanding just thinking of this.....

Theory #1: Because you are grilling this concoction, and all the fat is surely dripping into the fire, this is no doubt a fat-free dish by the time you finish cooking it.

Theory #2: The meat mallet may be useful for "tenderizing" a man or two. If not, you could surely beat him into submission, at the very least.

Omigosh omigosh omigosh-- just had them last night:
Bacon wrapped dates!!
Take a fresh date, remove pit, insert an almond and a little bit of blue cheese.
Wrap in a piece of lovely lovely bacon, bake at 350 unti; sizzling and brown. Oh MY GOD!!!!

I'm with poster Shelly above! You'll be down five pounds (or more) within a week if you keep wrapping meat in meat.

I lost 40 lbs this way WHILE ALSO DRINKING THE WINE!!!!! Really, meat and wine are all we need in life. (and yarn) (ok, and knitting needles and Dr. Who) (and maybe also cute purses and shoes)

My inner fat child ate four glazed doughnuts yesterday and washed them down with a diet coke. yeah. that makes sense!

My inner fat child loves white flour and sugar way too much to ever allow the beginnings of an atkins diet. She loves bacon too, don't get my wrong, but give her a pastry and sugar filled mocha latte, and she's in anti-weight-loss heaven! Bacon on the side just makes her giddy!

FRANKIE!!! Hi!!! *MUAH*

oh HOW I miss the meats. remind me why I became
a vegetarian again? truman & monty (my pooches) would be soooooo delicious in a cheese wrap! purl purl I miss you!

oh & I almost forgot to tell you -- thought of you last week when I heard mr. president bush say that he used "the google"

xooxoxo

c.

I lurk, but no longer...Girl, you crack me up!! I love reading your blog. You should write a book. I would love to read it. I love your honesty. You are not afraid to just hang it out there. That takes guts lady. Have an awesome day.

P.S. My lunch guacamole will be eaten in your honor.

April in Texas

You are SO the boss of me. I love your sense of humor! I'm on 'the weight watchers' with varying degrees of success, but 'Purlified Atkins' sounds much more appetizing.

Sounds like a great diet to follow (says inner fat child, who wants to get out and grow old!)! :D

Have you ever seen those ginormous rabbturduckgoosehams that appear in your friendly neighborhood grocery store around the holidays?

They have them here.

They're literally, like, shrimp, stuffed inside a cornish hen, stuffed inside a rabbit, stuffed inside a goose, stuffed inside a turkey, stuffed inside a manatee, stuffed inside a moose.

I've always wanted to try them but I've been too chicken.

No pun intended.

Um, also there are the bacon-wrapped Lil' Smokies, topped with a Lb (okay, maybe 2) of dark brown sugar. Baked at 350 for an hour to an hour and a half.

Heh heh.

Inner diet child be damned.

We have them once a year, on The Superbowl Day.

Y'all forgot the teriyaki sauce basting over the chicken/cheese/bacon. :-) Love that Tony Bourdain. His Kitchen Confidential book was fab.

Size 6 is too small!?! You ARE a big one!

I just got back from a week in Galveston - they have "Shrimp Kisses" - Shrimp stuffed with pepperjack cheese and wrapped in bacon. I'm betting that I hit every restaurant in town that offered these jewels...so I was there with ya - just shrimpin' it instead of Chickening out.

Ok, here's my No-no, I buy Halloween candy.Lots of it. I don't get trick or treaters.
It carries me through to Christmas cookies.