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October 24, 2006

Happy October 24th.

Yesterday, there was a big accident on the Metro Orange Line in the valley. In my line of work (read: being crazy) I figured today would be the perfect time to ride the Orange Line to work since it was pre-disastered just twelve hours ago.

I drove to the station parking lot at the armpit of a.m. and midway there, my Jeep started to act up and pout and shiver and then it overheated with a dramatic flair usually seen in older-model Ford Pintos. I pulled into a parking space and stood there watching steam come out of the hood and I thought, "I have to go to work. If I am late for work I will be fired." And then I thought, "Oh well, maybe if I am lucky someone will steal it again while I'm gone."

So it's sitting there right now, my little Jeep, probably consorting with the other cars in the parking lot and coming up with a variety of illnesses and ailments and figuring out ways to get more attention from bad mommy who hasn't bothered to wash its little red behind in five and a half months.

Leave it to me to find a hypochondriac vehicle with abandonment issues. I mean REALLY.

And if ya'll have been reading this here website for any amount of time, you know my normal reaction to car trouble is to cry, immediately, but this morning I just sighed profoundly and kicked the tire for good measure and thought, "Why don't they serve alcohol at Starbucks?" I hate having car trouble even on a semi-calm day, but it just amps up the anxiety on an already crazy morning in a stress-filled month, creating a weird combination of antsy, pissed off and worried.

Nice combo, there. Throw in some cramps, a bad haircut and a hangnail and you've got the perfect setting for Hell. ("Hi, Satan. Nice to meet you. I see we're in the sixth circle of self-pity. How YOU doin'?")

I tried to do some retail therapy before lunch, but I found Macy's Plaza utterly unsatisfying. I checked my forehead because I thought maybe I was coming down with something. How could I lose the will to shop? Perhaps Macy's Plaza wasn't big enough to overcome this much personal-family-work-related anxiety. Or, perhaps I am chemically imbalanced and my retail therapy will have to be adjusted? Or, perhaps I am hungry?

After assessing the lunch options, it came to me in a flash of brilliance, or low blood sugar, or over-caffeination. I decided the only way I can achieve perfection and any sense of control over my life is by losing five pounds. I have set myself upon this goal with the exuberance of the completely depraved. I have no idea what I'll do when I lose these five pounds and my life is still the exact same as it was before.

And it's weird, always weird that October 25th is tomorrow and that is A) the day I got married and B) the day my Jeep got stolen and honestly, neither one are really worth remembering in the Anniversary department, but there you have it. And although October 25th has not been a traditionally lucky day for me, I am choosing to have a positive and hopeful attitude about the whole thing (Take that, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale!) Maybe by tomorrow my mall stamina will have returned and all will be right in the world. October 25th could become the anniversary of the day I resumed the will to shop. It could be the anniversary of the day I finally renounce the Cheeto as a vegetable. It could be the day something magnificent happens, perhaps at DSW shoes in the winter boot aisle!

I am hopeful, and caffeinated. Tomorrow is another day -- perhaps even a good day. After all, just like the Metro, October 25th has definitely been pre-disastered.


roy-still-loves-me.jpg
Roy still loves me.

Posted by laurie at October 24, 2006 11:25 AM