first first first!

I'll say it again, I'm so glad someone else is going down the same road I am. :) Thanks hon! You are able to help me form into words and concrete thoughts all the swirly crap in my head lately.

And from one Southern gal to another, it's okay to be both strong and lonely at the same time. It doesn't make us any weaker. :) Hang in there!

Girlfriend, you have always made sense on this subject. I understand some people haven't understood the point you have been trying to make, but I have, and I am sure a buncha other of your faithful internet friends have too. I know it sounds like a boring platitude to say this, but I have a lot of faith in your intelligence, common sense and plain ol' good karma.

I wish I could write more, but I msut scamper back to work and battle the Klingons and the Romulans.....

Give the kitties a kiss for me!

Laurie, I never thought you sat at home all the time wallowing and planning out the next "big day." Everyone is entitled to their lonely times and their non-lonely times. And I know for me that when I'm feeling my lowest (or actually, when I'm on the upswing from the low), that's when I want to pour it all out on my blog. I imagine you do the same, so we see the lows, but not necessarily all the highs. It doesn't mean you (or anyone else) isn't out living out loud at the same time. It's when we are living it up and busy that we (I am assuming) have less time/inclination to sit at our computers and type. Know what I mean? So, keep on doing what you're doing. We all love you! (In a friendly-type way, not a scary stalker-show-up-at-your-house-for-wine-and-dressing-the-cats-in-wedding-gear-type of way.)

Will you please take picutres of the furry bridal party?

You are strong and wise.

Bravo, sweetie. I am truly proud of you. xoxox

I am going through my own loneliness. Twenty months since my husband died. Trying to get published...got a ms. rejection in the mail today. Crying like a baby at sixty-three. Older and wiser and sharing only this...neither of us are alone; we just feel like we are. I believe that if I am vulnerable, I will feel worse. That is an illusion, isn't it? If I am vulnerable, I can open and accept healing from other people.

((((((hugs))))))

I think I was most taken aback by a reader who emailed me that she was disappointed in me, that I should be a better role model and somehow she had the idea that I want to remarry -- fast!

Which is funny, because any of my real-world friends will tell you that I am in no uncertain terms 100% sure I do not ever want to get married again. They all say, "You'll change!" or "Never say never!" and I don't know why people tell me that. Just makes me more determined to avoid getting hitched again ;)

So in my real life I have folks trying to convince me I will one day regain some modicum of interest in remarriage, and here online I have folks telling me not to be so eager for a husband.

Weird, huh?

Love you, girl.

But it would be funny to see the Soba in a bridesmaid dress. heheheh.

To heck with the nay-sayers. I never thought for a minute that you were "wallowing in self-pity" or aloneness. I think sometimes people either read too much or not enough into written words and miss the point. That's the hard thing about these internets. You're doing just fine over there. Just fine.

I applaud you for posting honestly about those passing waves of loneliness and wanting -- they are so dead on. Life is full and busy and there are friends and work and family and other many, myriad things to keep one happy and occupied. But, Loneliness will come when you least expect it and I honestly believe it is best to greet Mr. Lonely, invite him in to sit a spell, and then graciously show him to the door. I just moved. Bought my very own first place and the first real home I have had since I divorced last year at just under four years of marriage and seven years with one man. I saved my money and did it on my own. And it is cute. And all mine to do with as I please. And I've waited for this moment for so long. And had such great friends help me move in. And then yesterday, just me the dog and the cat, I hear Mr. Lonely knocking at the door...and he came in for 15 minutes -- I told him that's all I had to spare...and I realized that what I was missing I never had (someone to help me unpack and decorate and care about our home) but it was really looking ahead for what will surely come. Hang in there Laurie. I love your honesty.

Something tells me that Sobakowa isn't much of a fan of the taffeta.

YYYESSAH!
Course, I always love it when someone tells me what to do with my life....you know, I just sit and wait on it.

Wow, what is it with my sarcasm today? It's, uh, bittah! People who cannot feel are surface feeding so they have enough time to criticize those of us who are engulfed with the immensity of it all. Don't you just relish them?

...so you're saying the veil I make the dog wear is probably not so healthy?

I'm just wondering if you'd like to come visit next time you're feeling low - we've got a Dyson and a nice washer, and girl, my silverware hasn't been dusted in I don't know how long! Unfortunately, when I'm feeling low, I just want to stop moving - and sit through it. When I'm up and cleaning again, I know I'm on the upswing, but there's never enough time to get it done.

Feel it and express it. I love it that you no longer run or hide from it. Life is wonderful a journey and we all have our own paths to explore. I'm happy our paths have crossed or are running parallel at this time. You really are special.

Soba would NEVER consent to wear a bridesmaid dress! :-)

you're right, and i totally know what you mean about the small things. my mom was just visiting and last night she got up from the sofa (where we were contentedly watching "Design Star") to get a drink, and said, 'Can i get you anything?' and it almost made me cry, that someone was enquiring about my comfort.

Lisa, luckily dogs are more tolerant of being dressed than cats LOL

Oh yeah the downside of all this gettin-in-touch with my inner lonely thing? My house is in real need of a serious vaccuuming!! Oh, the good ole' days of neurosis when I had no fur tumbleweeds ...

Just be happy you arent sitting at Virginia Tech on the first day of classes with a madman on the loose. Granted since everythign was cancelled its some nice knitting time.

You mean you're not already a role-model for people that have real lives and real emotions? Lady, you need not worry about people that are reading more into your posts than is really there. You were blue and you told us all about it. We love to read your happy, peppy stories, but we also feel your pain when you're down. It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one that sometimes wishing someone would hug me from behind while I'm washing dishes. (Of course, I don't actually wash dishes, so that could be a problem...but, you get the idea!) You rock and that's really all there is to it!

You probably should be knitting the kitty bridal party ensemble, shouldn't you? This IS knitting blog, not a taffeta blog..... ;-)

Laurie:
Check out today's entry on my blog. There's a picture that you (and Bob) will like!

"I learned how to really feel something, even something unpleasant, and still get up the next morning and do my hair and go to work and look forward to life because this feeling, however awful and uncomfortable, is just something you breathed through and you did not break and you're just human anyway. And tomorrow really is another day."

Amen. Words to live by, and remember on those days! And also, applaud yourself for having a hairbrush in your hand - even if you can barely see your hair in the mirror through all those tears in your eyes.

i never doubted that you're 100x braver and saner than most folks. keep up the fabulous blogging.

I wouldn't worry about those few people who don't "get" some of your posts. I suspect that most of your readers understand exactly where you are coming from because you express, quite eloquently, emotions that we all have felt from time to time. The nay-sayers and people who don't get it, are sometimes just a little louder in their opinions than the rest of us!

On a somewhat unrelated note, my vaccum cleaner is dying. The smell of burning wires when I turn it on is becoming somewhat disconcerting . . . Is the Dyson really the best? What about that whole baggless aspect? Doesn't it make dust and fur get all over the place when you empty it? Any and all advice would be appreciated!

knitting pagan -- you may just need a belt change on the vaccuum, I know when I had my old vac I had to change the belts pretty frequently. That's the burning smell, usually.

The dyson is worth every penny especially if you have animals! I haven't ever had problems with it being bagless getting the dust/smoodge everywhere. I just dump it in the trash.

I personally cannot wait for the pictures of Soba in a wedding dress...I'm pretty sure she'd be the bridezilla to end all bridezillas!

What? I can't be amused by another persons crazy? My crazy is starting to bore me.

Nothing wrong at all with wanting a little love. It's what makes the world the wonderful place it can be.

If cat kills you in your sleep, you will be found in a clean bed.
you can't knit if your cat kills you so can I have your yarn?

Soba in Purple. With a Tiara. Priceless.

Laurie, it seems we're on similar paths in life (i.e. I'm also Southern, was with my ex for a little over 10 years, just found out he got remarried about a month ago, have a cat, etc.) and when I read your posts I feel like I could have written some of them myself (but not nearly as well as you do). But, like you, the lonely times are not consuming my life. I think when the lonely feelings do come around, it's all just part of the process as much as we might wish otherwise. I've never thought for one minute that you sit and wallow in sadness. You're much too full of spunk for that!

Given your love of Snakes on a Plane, go check out Franklin's post (with merchandise)

http://the-panopticon.blogspot.com/2006/08/sequel.html

I fear for the life of the usher that has to accompany Soba down the aisle of that scary wedding.

Great picture.....you are good with the techmologies!!

Soba in a bridesmaid's dress.

Best. Picture. Ever.

Okay, I'm recommending a song. Something Beautiful by Robbie Williams (and even if you don't like the music, check him out because even with the sound off....)

Also, funky collage with bridal magazines could produce interesting art.

Laurie, I agree with farm-witch and Stephanie! Don't listen to that criticism! Since your divorce we have read about your life-- and your posts are so honest, funny, heartbreaking, real, poignant. And you are an awesome role model for those of us looking for that richness in everyday life and friendships that you always seem to find. Wherever this road takes you- whether you get married tomorrow or ever-- thank you for sharing your experiences with us. BOO to the marriage role model critic!

Laurie,
And someday in maybe 5 or 10 or 15 years when you're sitting under a shade tree knitting, you may remember and think about this time in your life. You may be happy that you had some time just for Laurie. You may somehow and somewhere realize that the down times in life make the up times better. You may even realize next week or even tomorrow that you are so glad to have the day and the joy of being you even in the lonely evenings. You have so much to offer, Laurie. Live your dreams.
From someone who's been there...

I've never once thought you were some bridal magazine addicted shut-in. Not once.

In my mind, blogs are where we go to talk about the things we otherwise don't talk about. Can you imagine having a conversation about loneliness over lunch with a coworker? No. But you can write about it. And we can read it. And we can understand because we feel it, too. It's a gift, in a way, that we can share these things with each other on the internet. Otherwise, we'd all keep it inside, never knowing how similar we all really are.

I never thought you were falling asleep with a glass of wine over Bride's! It's a very zen and/or buddhist realization (from my understanding) to just be able to sit with your thoughts and feelings, just accept them and know you are ok. Seems healthy to me.

I saw a preview for a movie about snakes on a plane. The Mr. thought I lost my mind because I started howling. All I could think of was you and your "SNAKES ON A PLANE!" thing.

You are a great role model, besides, what does it say about all the women who are getting married and are excited about it? They are sitting in rooms, drinking wine and cutting out pictures in Bride magazines. They may even have a cat or four in the room at the same time. Are they bad role models?

There are days I long for that solitude I had before I remarried. It sucked when I was going through it, but it'd sure be nice to have control of the remote every once in a while, ya know. Hang in there, Laurie.

Oh Laurie, you break my heart. I know something about your small fantasies having been alone for so long. Then I just got lucky. And I'm thankful for the small and big things ever single day.
The lonely just kind of sneaks up on you, long after you think you've learn to live with just being by yourself. Bleh. I know you're not some hovering brides magazine junkie, that your blog is just one little window into your life and probably kind of a skewed one. There's nothing wrong with missing good things.

She really _does_ look pretty evil.

Auntie, I am so proud of you. You've come so far in the last few years. Sometimes, I think all we can do is wrap ourselves in those feelings and just be. In time, we realize that there are better things to snuggle with. Baby alpaca comes to mind...

It is weird how people see you online... and in life. Although, I'd be more worried about how Soba will see you if she's reading the blog from home today. *hugs*

She really _does_ look pretty evil.

yep. Being married AND lonely is the worst kind. Welcome to my world. Your A-OK, Laurie!

Sometimes, all we want is a hug and a "I understand" from our friends.

I love to read your blog, Laurie, because you really can express what those of us who have lost are feeling.

Thanks. You help me clarify my thoughts.

Plus, I know I'm not alone.

;-)

Where's the edit button?

I meant to say that you really express well, what those of us who have lost a love are going through.

This is off topic for today, but goes with Friday's post of the adorable boy kitty on the treadmill. Thought you might enjoy this video. Hee hee.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8351364980693709908&q=bengal

P.S. I agree with you on the whole Greenies thing. The kitties love them, but don't chew them like they're supposed to. Mine sort of swallow their Greenies whole -- but their little tails do thump crazily on the floor when I shake the canister with the treats!

I think the thing is, society expects women to still be perfect. No on wants to see our down days. And sometimes, there's a hell of a lot of them. And then something will make you a smile, and you'll feel better. But if you try and hide the parts of yourself that no one else likes,then you aren't being true to who you are. And that's one of the worst things that a person can do to themselves.

I love reading your blog. I discovered it last year when I was having a problem with my kitty peeing blood, and then again in October when I learned how to knit. I love how you express yourself, and it's not that you bring any of us down when you talk about how sad or lonely you are, it's that we've been there, you phrase everything in a way that we remember how we felt, and it's more of a 'sending warm fuzzies to Laurie' kind of a thing.

And I agree, I think a bridal magazine collage would be great-especially with angry Soba faces!! Or the the One Fanged Smirk. Awesome!

anyone who reads your blog knows that you are happier, more at peace and more confident NOW than you were with Mr. X. We know that you are not sitting around having a pity party, (which most of us do more than we would like to admit) longing to be married. You are just adjusting to life in a different direction.
There is a lot to be said for a gentle touch, a sleepy kiss good night, and just being with someone.
You are going through a natural progression. And we all go with you.

When bridesmaids dresses go bad. Oh the Whore. Oops, I meant, oh the horror.

Uhm. When you're done with all the other offers?

Ya wanna come to MY place and vacuum? Maybe a little dusting? Oh, and you can finally hang up those pictures that have been in piles since we moved here over a YEAR ago.

A very good friend of mine, before we met, went through a divorce and felt so ... deflated. The marriage was unhealthy for a number of reasons and the whole thing sucked all around.

Then we met, and 18 months later were married.

I loved him from the start, but I can definately see how he's changed for the better in the past five years (as have I). Moral is, there may be something good for you *right* around the corner. It just has to come to you.

I'd say you're doing well--it took me about 3 years of therapy to get the very IDEA that I could sit still & not try to DO a feeling, and I'm still practicing remembering this at key moments.

Purple velvet with a red sash.... timeless.

I have to try hard to squish the perfectionist in me, the part that makes me the meanest and harshest self-critic.

Part of that squishing is to tell myself: Mistakes are OK! It is ok! As long as you learn from it. If you can find one relevant life lesson by experiencing a situation that seems to be the biggest and hardest thing ever to go through, then you're going to be ok.

Those kinds of experiences change you as a person, but if you're learning from it I think they are changes for the better. Good on you Laurie, for Living Out Loud! (couldn't resist using that)

Since the last post was "cat's on my stuff" is this one "Cat's in my stuff?" I bet you'd have to beat them off with a stick wearing that dress! HOT!

o.k. back to my crazy version of reality.

i once had to wear a bridesmaids dress that looked like that.

so not nice. even on cat.

It is the worst kind of lonely...... you sit in the same room with nothing to say, and you talk to fill the dead air. And they don't care what you say, if they even hear it.

LOVE THE CAT IN A DRESS!!!

You are such a megastar. People pay lotsa monies and spend eons to acquire one iota of the self awareness you so fearlessly (and seemingly effortlessly) spew forth.
Kick ass sister.

Listen to yourself, CAP - so very wise! And, obviously you have beautiful taste in party dresses/wedding gowns. Soba looks gorgey in that dress. Stunning, really.

Lonely is just--well, it just is. I lost my lover, my best friend, my husband last year, and I know what you are feeling. I'm hoping that things will get better; I'm not looking for another love, but I'm trying to keep myself going even through the bad times. One smart thing I did was identify my lowest time of the week (Saturday night) and get a job that lets me work till 10. By the time I'm done with that, my feet hurt, and I don't have enough energy to worry about loneliness!

"There is no action item, no to-do list, there is nothing at all that has to be done with the way I feel. I do not have to hide from it, or run, or make it go away, or keep my chin up, or do anything with bootstraps, or be anything but what I am that very minute."

You know, that applies to an awful lot of things. ("Awful" being too often the operative word.)

Thank heaven for cats.

"tucking your toes under someone's leg as you sit on the sofa"

DH was wandering around the room as I read this and I had to explain to him that "normal" people watch TV together while sitting on the couch. Victorian furniture, husband who disdains TV. At least I have my knitting to tuck my toes in. (for hte purists: "in which to tuck my toes.")

Thanks for the post... it's just what I needed today. I spend much of my life in "fix it fix it fix it" mode that when there is something I can't fix I get really crazy. I was upset last night and wanted so much not to be upset and not to feel anything that I scrubbed my kitchen floor. On my hands and knees. (Totally not like me). But what you said about it being ok to just sit with something... I think I need to just do that. Thanks for the reminder.

OMG - Soba is going to KILL you!!!

Laurie...honey...you don't have to explain yourself, I know what you are saying! Hang in there, happiness will come to you, because you deserve it! In due time...

(((HUGS)))

It all happens for a reason. (what those reasons are, I don't know, but it all works out.) You sound like you are doing great though. Just think of all the good karma you are building after your dealings with the ex.

Oh, Soba is going to be SO MAD AT YOU when she sees that picture!

Laurie - bless you for your strength to look right in the face of emotion and loneliness and be honest. That is why I like your blog - the good, the bad, the feline - you face it, deal with it as part of the mysterious unique life you have, and then share it with us. I read your blog and laugh or cry and always feel it is honest and touches a cord inside of me too. You help me face my problems head on and find something to laugh about - or at least feel that I'm not alone and weird. Take care.

At least we don't need the brain bleach to wash out the visual of Soba in THIS get-up -
http://uglydress.com/whathapinveg.html

I didn't know you could vacuum a toaster.

Ok, I am getting lazy about reading comments to see if what I have to say has already been said. Sorry....

Laurie, I have never thought of, envisioned, imagined you as being unhappy or psycho-bride-wanna-be-ish at all. You seem to have a great life, a good head on your shoulders and well, cats. LOL! I don't know.

I, of course, happen to be the person who is moving in the midst of school starting not only for my kid, but also for me. So, perhaps I'm not screwed in tight enough to have the lights on all the time... just maybe.

Laurie, I always considered the "lonely" posts to be the kind of girlfriend-bitching you get from a pal when her boyfriend/car/job/etc is upsetting her ... and ya get the bitching part, but you don't always hear the GOOD parts. :) So then you make the mistake of saying "maybe you should look for a new job?" and they say WHAT? My job is perfect! Um... ok... :) We all use the Internets as a sort of diary. I look back at some mailing lists I've been on and shudder at what I said to all the world. :)

I applaud you for this posting as well as the other one on loneliness. I think that being alone brings clarity. There is nothing wrong with it at all. You are figuring out your wants and needs and now that you are able to see it from a big picture perspective it will make you stronger. Everyone should be so lucky to have such insight. Loneliness doesn't last forever. When love does present itself to you (aside from family and friends) you will better recognize it and know if it is real or not. Most people never get this chance and take whatever they can get. You on the other hand will find a gem.

I can really relate to the behind-the-back hug thing. I'm a sucker for it, too. Something about it gives me a feeling of protection and security, as well as the obvious closeness of another person. I once dated a guy I didn't like all that much for entirely too long just because he gave me that kind of hug. Pathetic, I know.

I get it. Really. I think you have a ginormous set of balls to blog about being lonely, wanting to be loved. Most folks would punch ourselves in the nose before admitting that stuff. Be proud of your big balls. Okay. That sounded dirty.

Not a jury in the world would convict that poor kitty if he did what he is threatening! Oh, the humiliation!

It IS the suckiest suckesence of suckittude, isn't it? But you are so fun to be around (even virtually) that someone is going to fall head over heels for a slightly crazy knitter and however many cats you have in tow at the time.

I understand - those "tiny" things you mentioned are what make your heart beat a little quicker - those little gestures of intimacy are just wonderful.

P.S - Soba looks very cute in that tiara.

Fear not, luv...those of us who have breathed through lonely and come out the other side have always known just what you mean. I love the tiny things in a relationship most of all too. And I never, until this moment, pictured you dressing up the cats in tiny bridal gowns. :) Poor dear Soba!

Hey, I think that's my cat. I've been looking for her since I left LA ... last time I saw here she was wearing that exact outfit chanting some strange little ditty about brides and beasts and I don't know what else.

~firefly

I hear ya. I don't like to admit the loneliness. Instead I buy more yarn, collect more patterns. Can't be lonely if you don't allow yourself to think about it. kwim? But then again, I don't do a damn thing to change my situation. Much easier to work and then come home to the kid and hide out. *sigh* Someday...

gurrrl,

I totally hear you. And while you probably don't want to discuss it with the 18 million strangers that read your blog (oh right...me included) - what happened with that date that you liked a couple of weeks ago??

:)

I never thought that. Heck, I know lots of married people that are lonely. It ain't the end all beat all ya know! AND I am sure the artist rendered it cause you wouldn't be able to type otherwise...

BRAVO for giving that furry bridesmaid a really putrid gown. Brides need to look the best at the party! And thanks for indulging me.

Ummm. You must have read my mind. I guess I will go ahead and write that post I was mapping out in my head last night.

Sweetie-
As I'm sure you can tell from the avalanche of comments, everytime you speak of your fully functional totally rational and very healthy state of mind, we hear you and get you out here in cyberworld.
If you WERE a scary-minded individual, you'd be referring to the cats as your "furry children" and yes, dressing them up and only mentioning the male sex in terms of cloying romance or "The scum must DIE" bitterness.
You're okay. Any of us with a grain of good sense and decent reading skills can tell that.
(I LOVE the Soba-photo-shop!)

I love to read your "normal" funny blog posts, but I think I like serious ones like this even better. I'm sure you just spoke to the problems of many divorced women, and to boot, anyone who has moments when they try to run away from their emotions instead of just letting them wash over and finding that they are not broken by it.

So, thank you.

Wishing you a long-distance hug Laurie!

I have felt much like you've described--thought I was never going to get married. Many, many women know what you're going through too.

You're a great example of the human spirit. You have the ability to ability to feel our huge, wide range of feelings. Been there with you!
By the way, I never looked THAT good in a bridesmaid dress.

OMG!! ROTFL!! And I truly believe that if Sobakowa could see that picture, she really WOULD kill you while you slept!!
My heart goes out to you, and sending cyber hugs your way {{{{}}}} However, at least now instead of stripping the entire house and doing laundry, you can pet (and sniff!) your yarn instead!! SOO much more fun!! And if I could, I'd send you some frogs to make you feel at home. With the way these guys procreate, you'll have your own chorus out back in no time!!

Totally off-topic, o Ms Snakes on a Plane - how about some snakes on a ship, Chaucer-style?
http://houseoffame.blogspot.com/2006/08/serpentes-on-shippe-spoylerez.html

Seems like you are moving on quite a bit!

Hi Laurie, I've been a lurker at your blog for a while now and have to tell you--finally--how much I love it! I'm also a cat lover, but live in Tokyo now and it's extremely hard to find a place that allows cats, so I'm currently cat-less.

Anyhoo, today when you posted that picture of a dress on Sobakowa, it made me think of my old Siamese boy, Mork, who had trouble staying warm as he got older. I cut up a small t-shirt, shortened the sleeves (made it into a "muscle" shirt!) and put it on him. He LOVED his shirt and wore it all the time. I was always tempted to tuck a pack of smokes into a rolled-up sleeve, but didn't want to encourage him to pick up any more bad habits.

My cat-dressing days started early when I dressed all my cats in doll clothes when I was a little girl. I had one especially compliant cat who seemed to enjoy it, so I dressed her up and pushed her along in my baby carriage. One day I took her to visit one of the nuns at school. The nun peered into the baby carriage expecting to see one of my dolls but instead, there was my cat lying on her back, all dressed up, wrapped in a baby blanket and sucking at a baby bottle (well, I had to bribe her with SOMETHING!) between her paws. I thought the nun was going to faint!

So, if you're into dressing up cats--or just looking at the crazy stuff people put on their cats, take a look at http://www.flickr.com/groups/catsinclothes/pool/show/

Keep on blogging, Laurie. All of us in the bloggosphere love ya! And trust me, after my own experience with divorce, things will get better, but I know what you mean about the loneliness now. You sound like you're handling it in a very healthy way, and I know you'll come out of it even stronger than before!

You hit it right on the head again. Our emotions just ARE, there is no right or wrong, there's no timeline for them, just how you deal with them.

On the other hand, that hug from behind while doing dishes thing? DH tried that once, well before we were married. I didn't realize he was there, he scared the bejeepers out of me. I swung an elbow, and if he were two inches taller, we probably wouldn't have our son today.

Just sayin'.

I just came across an interesting site about living alone but not being lonely, and your post reminded me of it:

http://www.quirkyalone.net/qa/

And once again, love you, love your blog!

Sleep with one eye open tonight! Looks like Soba is on the loose. Wonder what she would dress YOU up in . . . !

I'm sorry, but just exactly why are you supposed to be a role model?

Maybe I missed something, but last time I checked, you're a very cool chick who is kind enough to share her life with us all!!

Keep on sista friend!!

Very nice post. I come here to your blog for many reasons. One of the main ones being that I, too, have gone through a seperation of sorts, and can totally identify with so much of what you write. I wasn't married, but had children with this man and was with him for 5 1/2 years. It was a big loss for me, but also a huge motivating factor in my life. It helped me to recognize what I should and should not tolerate in a relationship. I know that I don't need someone else to sustain me - I've gained a lot of independance from this break up. I do, however, know exactly how you feel about missing the lovey dovey stuff. It is really the little things that are the most romantic. All those things you mentioned and then some. I miss that. It had been a long time since I found those things appealing from my ex... which is why it was probably the best thing that ever happened when he walked out on me and the kids. I am happier now, they are adjusting well and are less anxious. Things are finally moving in a direction that I had wished for so long. I think I would have stayed in the same spot if he had stayed. Except I would still be living with a closet alcoholic... and there is no where to go but down with someone like that.

Keep your chin up. I love reading your blog, no matter what you post about.

I was going to comment on the absurdity of someone being disappointed in your not fulfilling their need for you to be a role model, but Val beat me to it. Excellent post, and you keep getting better & better.
While I am not a fan of taffeta myself, I do agree with the choice of purple for Soba as it is the color associated with royalty...

I think if you put Soba in that dress for real...she really would kill you in your sleep, silly human... Sleep with one eye open if Soba stumbles upon your blog while checking her myspace page! Just a friendly warning. :)

I've been stalking your blog for sometime now. I had a very bitter divorce and still don't get along with the ex. I've sent countless hours in court, therapy, counselling, etc. Your blog is great therapy.

Fantastic entry, Laurie. Thank you for a little clarity on something I have needed to address in my own life. :)

IMO you are a "floodlight from heaven" as stolen from a recent reality tv show. I look forward to reading your blog every single day and you never fail to amuse or amaze. Go on with your bad self girl.

I might have to have a tattoo of this part of your post as I'm having a bitch of a time learning this simple concept:
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It's perfectly OK to just sit with a thing.

Getting divorced was clearly not the happy ending I had envisioned for my marriage, but man alive I have learned some things. I learned how to really feel something, even something unpleasant, and still get up the next morning and do my hair and go to work and look forward to life because this feeling, however awful and uncomfortable, is just something you breathed through and you did not break and you're just human anyway. And tomorrow really is another day.

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Thanks for your post.. but now I'm crying at work. Again..

Apropos of nothing you wrote today, I just want to point you here, because I think you -- of all the bloggers I "know" -- will love it:

http://the-panopticon.blogspot.com/2006/08/sequel.html

You put into words what all of us are feeling!

You know, I usually don't reply to your "mellower" posts--not that I don't like them or anything, but I know that sometimes people have to go through things that don't feel good and I don't know how much my saying, "I hear you" will help. I think that sometimes we really do need to just FEEL and get it over with. Having said all of that, I feel like I really need to say something! So forgive me, this will be long...

First, I never pictured you as the Desperately Wanting type, and I never pictured you even buying a Bride magazine, much less wallowing over it with a glass (no, a BOTTLE) of wine. I picture you as someone who has great friends, and who is a great friend to your friends. Of course, my only gauge on that assumption is the fact that you get out and do things with your friends, or you have your friends come to your house to play. Isn't that about all there is to it?

Plus, you do some great writing, and people who maybe don't write, don't think about it as a thing to do--trust me, it is a THING. If a thought is stirring around in your head, and you are inspired to do more with it than just try not to think about it, you are doing society a favor by writing it and publishing it for the world to see. As much crap at there is on the web, it is nice to go someplace for a few hilarious (and harmless) observations once in a while.

Second, because you are popular, you may be a bit of a target for people who think they need to tell you how to go about your business, and that can suck sometimes--you wind up defending yourself so much that you forgot what you wanted to talk about. Are you a role model? For whom? Most of the comments I see on here are from adult women, and from a few adult men. Not that you aren't spectacularly hip or anything, but, I don't see my uber-cool daughters reading anything here and "getting" it, much less caring about any of it. If you are a role model for adult women, I say you're doing a damn fine job--you're independent and successful, and, you obviously don't need a man to have yourself a good laugh, (although, men are good for the fact that they sometimes give you something to laugh ABOUT...) plus, you take care of small animals, no matter how annoying they can be. So, you can't be all that bad, right?

But, really, you're better than "not so bad", which is why you would get a message from someone who may be a little small-minded or something, who would tell you to tone it down. I worked in the media for 14 years, and had a fair amount of people telling me what I should and should not put on the air. I will tell you what I told each of them: EVERYTHING HAS AN OFF BUTTON. Every computer has an off button, every browser has a little "x" in the corner, or, a "back" button. Every radio, television, ipod, etc., has a feature which allows a person NOT to use them if they find said media to be offensive or troubling. Every book has a protective cover, and a remarkable ability to CLOSE when pushed together with the hands. (Hell, some of us even do it with just one hand!) And lastly, most of us have eyelids to close, and fingers to poke into our ears, and feet or wheels to move us away from that which may offend us, or cause us concern. So, if you don't like a thing, use one of your "off" buttons--don't insist that the thing change, because you'll just be bringing unhappiness with a request like that. Speaking strictly as a GROWN-UP, I find it offensive that someone would try to jump in and protect me, a CAP reader, from the peril which is supposedly lurking here! That is just crazy. I can take care of myself, and so can the rest of us.

Maybe your post today just bonked me over the head because this morning, my husband told me that the cats (3 of them) were making him crazy and that it could be a "deal-breaker" in our marriage! Uh, yeah...so, after seven years, choose between the cats who NEVER make me unhappy, or...

So, you caught me in a "mood".

But, anyway, I send you love and good vibes from afar. You must know by the responses you get that people love you to pieces. We do. And you don't scare us. Much.

Girl, that picture of Soba is your best yet! She looks so royally pissed off, it's perfect. I will carry it with me all day (in my head- I'm not weird or anything)!

Ah, the lessons we learn about ourselves after a divorce! They hurt like hell, but in the end, we grow stronger. Bravo! Good for you for learning how to really feel the feelings, even when they're painful. You're doing GREAT! [Hugs]

I don't know where that person got the idea that you just want to get married again. You explained exactly how you felt in plain English, and 500 other readers got it just fine.

I didn't think I'd EVER want to get married again, either, but six years later, I'm planning a wedding. Go figure. (Note to the Bridal Industrial Complex: NO, at 42-freakin' years of age I do NOT want to wear a strapless poufy white gown again. Second weddings should be simple, toned-down affairs, otherwise they're kinda tacky.)

If it happens sometime down the road, it'll happen, and if/when it does, you'll be a stronger, wiser person. Get the kitties' opinion. If all four of them like him, you've got a keeper. Never date a man your cats don't like or trust. The cats know more than people do.

And boy, can I relate to the toaster-vacuuming. When I was married the first time, I used to clean my house once a week. Now I wait until I have fur tumbleweeds going through my place.

Amen to that, sister!

Many have said it better already, but I can't help myself ... why the hoot do you have to be a role model??? This is your blog and you can write whatever you want! I think most of us who are regular readers really appreciate your honesty and ability to put into words what many of us feel. Feeling lonely at times does not mean you are some stupid drip of a woman waiting for a man to rescue you ... it just means you are lonely! There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to love, to ENHANCE your already FAB life.

First of all, I have to say, right on! Sometimes you just have to sit with the pain. The emotional pain, the physical pain. Not as an act of getting rid of the pain, but simply because it is there and it is real and it should be acknowledged, especially since the alternative is denial and repression.

Second, you're fucking awesome.

First? As a Southern ex-pat (born: Atlanta; live: Boston) divorcee knitter who just turned 30 and owns two cats and is about to move into a tiny apartment by herself? Boy, do I hear you. I coulda written this one.

Second? Soba totally looks like my Virginia's twin, and I can't even write "evil twin" because Virginia is pretty evil herself.

Laurie,

Thank you for being you. I can tell from the comments that I'm not the only one who admires you for being who you are, and for sharing it with us. If you get a message from someone who clearly doesn't Get you, please remember that plenty of us do Get where you're coming from. You make us laugh, you make us think, and it's all good.

Vacuuming the toaster?? What a fantastic idea! No more bread crumbs everywhere as I try to clean the toaster! Laurie, you so rock!

Thanks for your courage in telling the truth. In college, I remember telling my English professor that I could never be a writer until I was at least 60....because I was so young that it would take me that long to "get it all together," and if I wrote and published my writing before I had had many long years of rich experiences, I was going to get it wrong. (Probably a lot wrong). I'll never forget his answer, though. He said, "Write what you know to be the truth right now. And let the chips fall where they may." It is by far the best writing advice I have ever received.

And so, Lauri, thanks for having the courage to tell the truth right now, and to write the truth as it exists in your life right now. If others misunderstand you, no worries....you have told the truth, and that's all that matters.

Thanks again for telling us your truth, and for treating us like grownups while you're at it (grin).

And WHAT, EXACTLY, is WRONG with spending time in a room with 4 cats and a jug of wine? Does this mean I have to rethink my plans for the weekend? Safety scissors, BTW, go much better with wine than the sharp pointy ones - DO NOT ASK how I know this, just know that it is GOOD advice.

Personally, I would rather spend the rest of my life alone (unlikely as I have 2 kids, 2 cats, 4 dogs, and a brother staying with me) than go through the crap I did with the EX all over again. Many of my associates do not understand this. I keep getting asked "Have you met anybody?" My response (with the requisite manic grin) "LOTS of people - I've just met YOU".

Heep your head up and enjoy your "me time".

I'll take the odd bit of lonely time over being with my ex anyday. The lonely thing is just a normal part of being a newly single gal after believing for so long you had a partner til death do you part. I don't want to be in love right now, but sometimes when I watch a romantic movie it makes me long for the za za zsu again.