Passing you a nice glass of Chardonnay and tipping mine to you, Dear.

Thank you, Jillie :)

welp, you finally made me cry.

you're right. so, totally, completely, and utterly right. we are made of stronger things than that which seeks to shred us.

thanks laurie.

I was at my new library's new knit group yesterday and one of the women started speaking quite enthusiastically about this great new blog she'd found and how she'd stayed up til the wee hours reading the archives because it was so wonderful she couldn't stop. I said "I know- I found Crazy Aunt Purl last year and I feel the same way". Thanks Laurie! You are strong, funny, and above all, human and that's what keeps bringing us back. Well that and the cute cat pics. :)

Wow, that was a tearful read for me. I have been reading your blog for about a year now. I know, I don't say much in the comments. Heck, you usually get a ton of comments and most of them say exactly what I would have said. So, I just don't say much. This entry was so touching...maybe I am "in a mood." I am a Cencer, after all. I just wrote a tearful entry on my blog too. It must be in the air this Saturday night.

Thanks for writing about you getting stronger. It's inspirational. YOU ROCK! Toodles...

I stumbled across you the other day. My hat's off to you. You are a strong woman, and you've made it through one of the worst things that can happen.

You are so funny. I love your writing and sense of humor. Stay strong. Stay funny. And your cats are gorgeous, too! I've only got one. I'm trying hard not to become Scary Cat Lady. But I think I might succumb. :-)

You know you're my favorite, right? Surely you must know.

But in case you didn't know, had somehow missed the memo... You are.

When you come to Philadelphia, all the wine and drinks you can handle? Totally on me.

Raising a glass to my remarkably-bendy friend.

So eloquently put. And, it's nice to see it written down for others to see it's true. Surely, there are so many people - men and women - who have felt so broken that even all the king's men couldn't do a thing about it. Reading your life in print on the net can surely help someone realize there is life after divorce, and it can be good. Always a good reason to share.

Beauty, kiddo!

SO HAPPY so read that you've turned that corner! It's uphill from here!

I wish I could think like you.
And write like you.

I like knowing a gal LIKE YOU is out there.

Just discovered your blog. You are an amazing writer,evoking the feel of places in time where the heart goes,with the ease and raw honesty of a woman on the verge of her next epiphany...May you be blessed as you continue to steer your life forward,towards its inevitable dream.

Amazing how much we can stand while not breaking, somehow we defy the laws of physics. Somedays, when you least expect it, something triggers and you have a realization about the ex. And it can feel like the biggest weight in the world is perched on top of you. You have taken on what was dealt to you and rolled with it. Of course you never envisioned your life as it is now, back then you only envisioned your life with Mr. Ex! All of your accomplishments, and ways of getting through this, they were all inside you the whole time, you just didn't know it. We all have strengths and courage far beyond what we think we have. But going through what you've been through and not breaking - that makes you an incredibly strong woman. Kudos to you for sharing - since it's Sunday morning here i'll raise my glass of orange juice in salute!

Bravo! - sorry can't think of anything else to say yet again your prose has left me speechless in admiration

I'm not having wine this early in the AM but I raise my cup-o-joe to you!

Though sometimes it feels like we've been shattered---Were all Gumbies my friend!

(raising a Sunday morning Mimosa) Cheers!

what a wonderful post.

yay!

I'm *so* glad he's out of your life. Just so durn glad.

I heard those chains drop and it sounded so free!

I rarely comment on these posts because while your words are so poignant and beautiful, mine seem awkward and inadequate. I just love reading what you have to say. Thank you, Laurie.

I am about to be the person who says "we need to talk" which makes me the baddie but then when the intimacy, affection and caring are gone with no chance of them coming back (and not really wanting them back) it's a better option to start that process than it is to continue to lie to oneself that they're "happy". I know I can get out the other side reasonably intact - eventually. I've changed, he won't, and I'd rather go back out into the big bad world then stay here and grow more and more resentful. Any respect I had for him has gone and I'd rather have respect for myself which I won't if I stay.

I'm so glad I have my little fixes of CAP to keep me going. You have become legendary between myself and a few friends across here in the UK. Our speech is now scattered with talk of the "internets" and "y'alls". It's like looking in on a friend who knows just the right thing to say to bring into focus all the turmoil that's been going on inside as you struggle to make sense of life and wanting to make it an interesting journey for yourself. We're not settling - we're making a point, albeit however small, but we're making a point and making our existence count.

Way to go Laurie! It's a great day when you turn that corner! and just think "it just dawned on you that it was the 2 year anniversary" - it wasn't something you were thinking about so much that it consumed you. You almost forgot!

Soon there will be a whole day and then a whole week where you won't even think of him at all!

I know it sounds creepy, but I'm gonna say it anyway: I just love you, Laurie. I love your attitude, your sense of humor, all the changes you've been through, and how wise you are.

Plus, after reading your entry about being pulled over by that cop, I was compelled to teach my 3 year old to say, "Snakes on a plane!" whenever he gets upset.

You're so right, we don't break, we just get dented around the edges a bit. And those dents? They're fixable.

Liza {who, almost 4 years after her experience w/that "talk", is finding those dents are smothing out quite well}

What a beautiful and inspirational entry. Sometimes we all need to take time out to remind ourselves that we are strong, beautiful, resiliant, and wonderful women.

It'll be two years ago the first week of September that I found our digital camera that my husband had said was missing, tucked away in his backpack, looked at what was on it, and realized he had a girlfriend.
I still struggle with anger towards him sometimes, because we have to see each other most days because we share our child equally, and frankly, he's an asshole. But you're right, you don't break.
In fact, I'm very proud of the person I've grown into over the past two years. I'm happy now, too. I'm finally starting to build the life I wanted, the one I never had with him and never would have had.
:)

I wonder if you know how much hope you give people. How wonderful and important it is that you're you, and that you're here.

Thank you.

Even though all of that sucked and was sad and hard and still is, it is good that you can see how strong and capable you are. You may not have known that if you were with him... maybe. Not sure what that life was like for you. But you seem to have learned a lot about yourself and that is always a good thing and what happens on the road to happiness.

*HUGS*

Jillie here again.
Know this, Sweetie: Mr X cannot possibly garner the love, respect and adoring following you have achieved in just being Laurie these past two years. Rock on.

Good going. It does get better. And, in the meantime, think of what incredible laughter you've brought to all of us, your adoring audience, so to speak. Not everyone can do that, you know.

Yay for not breaking! I think it's awesome that you've come so far after everything, and I think you're great. :)
Also, last night I forgot to buy wine for my Stitch 'N Bitch, and only had Smirnov Orange Malternatives, but I poured them into a wine glass for me anyway, 'cause I was thinking about you. Is that weird? Probably.

Sending you a big hug.

I found you through a Google of knitting blogs, and I LOVE what you wrote here! That was me...13 years ago! And I never thought I could become this strong woman who loves my single life. Truly. The last of my 5 childen is a senior in high school this year and then I am looking at a vastly open, vastly calling horizon ahead of me. At 52, I am saying "YeeeeeHaaaaa!" I'm not a man hater. I'm not even an ex hater. I am happy with my world and all the folks in it! Sometimes things could be easier, but I have found that it is my perception that directs me!

I will come back and visit you more, I love your writing style. Happy Anniversary! Marianne

You are well on the path to complete healing. It does take a while, as we who have been through this know. I know that I am a much stronger and better person for having gone through a divorce. I almost want to thank the rat-bastard...I said almost.

Paris changes a person. It makes you want to be happy and enjoy life to it's fullest. I think everyone should visit Paris. There would be a lot more love in this world.

All the best to you.

You're one cool chick. Keep on. By the way, how did your cats get their names??

You're on the right path, and we're all behind you cheering you on.

Laurie, you give me hope. Thank you so much.

unbreakable. that which does not kill you will make you stronger. trust me i know. life can be an absolute bitch, but look for the sweet moments. like sitting on your back patio with a good glass of wine, listening to the songs of the crickets. having a child who has been a major source of irritation, angst, what-have-you apologize for being a turd, and giving you a hug. sweet moments.

and life goes on. unbreakable

thank you:)

You are being completely cheered on from Maryland, cookie! I love reading you all the time, but especially when you hit a landmark (and not in your jeep!). I have never been where you and many other blog reading ladies have been, but in the future, if I ever am, I think I'll be able to draw much courage from you, who was so brave to go through healing on the "internets".

Thank you for being so frank and open; it's tough enough to share your emotional journey with people you know, let alone the Internets! I am so happy for you and how far you have come, and glad that you have decided to share your life with us. Cheers to the future.

I love your blog, well ... love is a strong word ... I thoroughly enjoy your blog! I have been reading for quite some time and never thought that I would experience what you have gone through but was very sympathetic to it. Reading today's post gives me some hope. I wonder if I will feel the same way you do now ... in two years will I look back at the email my husband sent me asking me for a divorce? I sure as hell hope so!

You, my dear, don't break, because you are made of...SUPERWASH merino. A tremendous, resilient fiber, soft but tough, enduring & in it for the long haul. Equally adept for many transformations. Blessings to you as the calendar gives you moments to pause & reflect on the opportunity to blossom and become who you truly were meant to be....even if it meant shedding tears and a skin and the remnants of what was supposed to be....

Laurie, you do crazy/conscious better than anybody. I am, of course, a widow coming up on two years without a man.

I write from the heart and heal from there as well, as do you. I share on my homepage as do you. Since we are all one, it is sort of holographic how it all happens. We decant the suffering online and everyone tastes it and declares it good...alchemy happens.

Love, Vicki

You go, Laurie!

Personal growth is a beautiful thing, huh?

Too bad about all that ripping and shredding of flesh that goes along with it. No bones broken though. We are all surprisingly resilient. Good thing because life is a tough business.

I wonder how Mr. X is doing with his personal growth? Curious.

loveyoupurl

Mr. X is the loser, here CAP, and you are clearly the winner! Thank you for putting into words so beautifully what we all need to remember when we're going through the bad times--I'm going through them now--we are strong, beautiful, and unbreakable!!!It's just too bad that so many men turn out to be jerks. But in the end it is their loss and our gain. We gain the opportunity to grow, fulfill our potential, and realize our heart's desire without being second-guessed or held back by a man. Laurie, you beautiful woman, you rock!

You are absolutely right. The only problem is what we have to go through to learn that.

I'm coming up on one of "those" anniversaries too. In some ways, I've made progress over the last year; in other ways, I seem to be regressing. At least I got a job, show up for it when they want me there, and I don't think I'm driving the kids and the friends nuts with my neediness. The cats are another story, but they don't really care when I cry into their fur!

Good to hear, Crazy Aunt Pearl. It comes to us all at different times, but how freeing that realization is!!!

Thank you for this post, Laurie. I hope you know how much it means for someone to tell me (and all of us in this situation) that we will not break.

And Maureen, two weeks ago I was also the "bad guy" who said "we need to have a talk". Actually, I've been asking for that talk for years, and I hate it that I was never able to make myself heard until I screamed it. I regret the lost time.

Thank you for this post, Laurie. I hope you know how much it means for someone to tell me (and all of us in this situation) that we will not break.

And Maureen, two weeks ago I was also the "bad guy" who said "we need to have a talk". Actually, I've been asking for that talk for years, and I hate it that I was never able to make myself heard until I screamed it. I regret the lost time.

Damn.
I hate it when that happens. Sigh.

Our CAP - stirring but not shaking, bending but not breaking - living life honestly and bravely - being a shining example. I'm so proud to be among your fans. You go!

The hurt goes so deep, and stops, and you continue. My daughter, 18, is facing her first heartbreak right now. I try telling her what you said, that you survive, better than ever, but it's hard to get her to buy into it. Good for you, that you've come to this place in your life.

What a nice weekend post.

Not only unbreakable but unsinkable.

theres nothing i can say that someone before me hasnt said. you made me cry (again). you are wonderful! i just rreceived the love train cd from sundays undies. wow! great listening throughout the week-end. in my book, you rock aunt purl!

My husband said to me during a particulary difficult time: "Be like the trees baby. Their roots go deep so they can hold on. They bend in the wind so they don't break. The storm may take their leaves, but they always come back. Stronger. Taller. Just hang on and bend so you won't break."

This is one of the best posts you have ever written, Laurie. Everything you said is so true.

Congratulations Miss Purl, you have gone through alot of growth in the last 2 years! And of course I lurv that whole "fiscally capable woman" thing! You just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get there, hey, you already in many ways are there!!!

You do not break....
me thinks that would be a great title for a book.

Remember the scene in "The Witches Of Eastwick," where Jack Nicholson gives this speech to Cher or Susan Surandon, or one of the ladies, about how marriage suffocates a woman, but when she is released through one of the three D's, divorce, death, or desertion, she blooms? It's true!

Good for you...surviving what you, at the time, thought was un-survivable.

I'm four months into a separation, not yet divorced but already feeling that that's what I am - divorced, from everything I always thought would be my life.

Your posts give me such hope that things will be okay one day. Thank you.

It sounds like in a way this whole experience finally allowed you to grow up. And that is a bigger gift than you may know. I am glad you are learning to define yourself and not allow experiences to define you. Cheers!

You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me think. Kudos and congratulations on continuing to put one foot in front of the other and taking us along with you.

Dear Laurie,

I'm a regular reader, but infrequent poster. Your latest post was so self-affirming. Life does go on, and the pain diminishes.

I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter (just turned 13 and how scary is is to have a child who is a green-eyed goddess!) and I would not have them in my life if my heart had not been earlier broken.

We don't break, but sometimes we get to see how brittle we once were, and how adversity makes us better and kinder people. There was a time in my life where I didn't have sympathy for people who messed up because I hadn't fallen myself.

Once you go through heartbreak you become more empathetic towards others. You are a fearless and beautiful person. Congratulations on all the work you have been doing on yourself, for being a great cat-mom, and for sharing your wonderful spirit with all of us!

Congratulations and keep on going! It's cliche, but the difficult parts of life show us what we're made of.

You are so stinkin' cool! I found you via Lime & Violet. So between their podcast and reading your profile, I have laughed about as much in 2 hours as I have all month! (hmm sad I know..) I just kept thinking to myself, what the heck is wrong with this x - what a dork! I must say, your writing is so amazing and I can't wait to read more. Thank you.

What's the old story about the oak tree that resists the storm so much that it breaks and the willow bends in the storm and lives to see the sunshine the next day? From one willow to another - enjoy your bendiness - we can pretend it's yoga or something and call it exercise too! XO

Amazing that we don't break. I'm glad you discovered the secret that alot of women never find out...we are perfectly capable of being an independent unit and liking it. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and even though I don't know you in person, I'm very, very proud of you and what you have accomplished. It's sort of like rooting for you favorite sports team...you love them dearly and want only the best for them!

That was beautiful and so true. I have learned to love the path life takes us on. It's always an adventure.

1) That phrase, "I think we should talk," and all variants thereof should be banned. I hereby vow never EVER to use that phrase, or any variants thereof, in conversation with anyone, even in jest. It is always, without fail, the prelude to heartbreak.
2) Thank you, dear Aunt Purl, for sharing all of these moments, thoughts, fear, etc. with all of us. I know you sometimes share more than you intend, or we think you're sharing more than you really are, or something like that...I know that I don't really know you [though I'm enough of a fan of yarn and of wine, living in the Bay Area, that I think we'd get along but that's neither here nor there] but I also know that you make me feel a little less alone, a little less crazy, a little less distraught at my place in the world and a little less ashamed of how I feel. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your yarn and wine and world [and cats] with all of us.

In high school I read Victor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning", about the holocaust, (an excellent book, but deep stuff for a teenager), and one of the things that has always stuck with me is his quoting of Nietzsche's famous line, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger". I wholeheartedly believe this to be true. I'm sorry that you've had to find it out the hard way, however, but I do admire your ability to survive.

(Cue up Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"...).

I have been divorced for 5 years and I am now remarried. The ex is still a mean spirited person. He is still obsessed with me and will not leave me alone. He uses our children to control me and my behaviour. I am breaking free from him, through therapy...I've been reading your blog.

Cheers, dah-ling. Hear us roar!

Woohoo! I may have to go pour myself a glass of wine to toast you as well.

You know, I found your blog about 3-5 months before I was also forced to finally 'live honest' - I think God threw your blog at me to prepare me to face it when it came. I still struggle to do it daily, but checking in with you makes it easier at times. Thanks, Laurie. I appreciate you when you make me laugh, but also when you make me think. =)

You're a real inspiration, both in your writing and the way you live your life. And you're pretty hot.

I have been lurking on your blog for some time and I have to say - you do not break. You will thrive! I think you are one of the strongest women I have come across - so sincere, honest, and open. I wish you well!

I love your honesty. I said a prayer for you this morning. God bless.

I'm so, so proud of you. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

I needed that one this morning. Different set of circumstances - same feelings. So, thanks Laurie. You crack me up and give me hope. And that's somethin' sister!

Ain't it the truth. We get whiplash sometimes from that sudden turn of the wheel (well, it seems sudden, anyway, even though the calendar keeps claiming that the wheel turns at the same speed all the time), but we hang on.

(Alone with the crickets? What happened to Charlotte and Carlotta?)

Thanks, I needed that. "Broken" was how I'd described myself when we had the talk 3 weeks ago. You're right...I wasn't broken, just a lot bent and I'm working it all out. Things will be better without him. Now if I could only get him off my couch! :)

Sometimes we may think that we're at the end of our strength, that we're gonna break at the very next minute. But then, the next minute comes, as do many others, and we find out that we can go much, much further. As far as it takes.

Congratulations for all you've accomplished.

Have a great week!

You're a beautiful writer; thank you for the thoughts. I'm so impressed by you; smart, strong, brave, stable, pretty, fun, hilarious, a good friend to your friends. The kind of a person other women look up to. What a joy it is to read your words and to go along on the journey of your life even if you don't know most of us!

Rock the fuck on, sister!
I don't usually comment, but I couldn't stop myself this time. Sorry for the profanity, but it seemed that no other phrase captured what I felt after reading your post.

Eternal Graduate Student Josh
Tusc-Vegas, Alabama

Thanks again, Laurie, for sharing your steps with us. You remind me to focus on the possibility beyond the mountain of broken relationship. In fact, the possibility that lies in climbing the mountain itself. Keep on keeping on!

I'm very proud of you and happy for you, Laurie. Though I wanted to divorce my (first) husband, it was still awful and sucky for a while. But just for a while...then, it got better. :) Keep up the good work -- you'll continue to get more authentically yourself as time goes forward.

applause!!!!!!

Yeah.. but that "feeling ashamed" part.. that you could have done something different, or you just weren't good "enough".. or why doesn't he even seem like you anymore.. even though he still speaks.

It's feelings like that can pretty much rip your guts out.. which is where I'm at... I'm sure, according to what you write..(and I take that to be Gospel!) that this will pass.. eventually.. but it sure hurts like hell right now.

I Hear ya.
And you're right. After my twenties when it seemed that my own personal Nemisis was pursuing me and throwing every ill in the world at me (lost health, lost jobs, left to cope on my own by those I trusted when I needed them most, flung on the hands of strangers I could never hope to repay, loved ones lost to death) it dawned on me: I didn't break. I got softer, tougher, kinder, more aware of the needs of others. But my heart? Nope, it just hurt a lot and I kept annoyingly waking up to a new day each morning. And even though I have finally found love and health (woo- I'd never have expected it!) I still carry with me the sad yet comforting strength in knowing that the broken heart DOES survive, and that the same scars that sting, make your heart even stronger.

As always, I'm inspired by your strength and your sense of humour while you go about the business of living.

Good on you.

This was precious.

I have been married for 34 years to a wonderful man - but oh how I long to give this to my darling daughter - so that she can realize life can go on!

Bless you - keep dreaming!

Your writing is so inspiring, funny and thought provoking.

AND I love ALL of your cats!

Cheers to you in the coming year -

Okay Mz Purl I think have have you beat on obessing today. I sat and sewed button holes in all of my dogs clothes so she can wear her harness under them and I can get the rings from the harness throught so i can now attach her leash. Sometimes obessession over that man who wanted the divorce hmmm. been going on 3 years for me can creep up and make us doing the darnest things. Enjoy your plastic target tubs. I know date a custom furnature wood worker who made me a beautiful sash window cabinet all my yarn is in it and fabric so I can see it enjoy it and in smak dab in my living room for all to see what I collect. It has helped be become quite motavated and I do think about any yarn purchase since I have limited space. Enjoy your week Keep up the blog I love it.

You go, girl. No, you don't break. And you didn't.

I'm gonna go vacuum now.
(you really should come visit Boston, y'know, there's room at my house, f'rinstance...)

When does the anger go away?

Skip, I think the anger leaves when you give up the hope that the past could change.

I can honestly say I'm not angry anymore. I am perplexed sometimes. Curious A LOT of the time (did he get his "creativity" back? does he think about me? how is his new marriage? does he regret being so awful to me? etc.) and sometimes I feel sad. But I'm not angry.

Maybe it's just that enough time has passed.

I was sitting home all alone tonight crying my eyes out, wondering how I will ever get over the pain of my fiance leaving me for another woman 3 months after proposing. It's only been 6 months since it happened but I thought I would feel different by now. It's weird how much life can change in a blink of an eye. You're whole picture of what you thought your life would be..."Poof"...just goes away.

I just found your blog tonight. I think it was meant to be that I found it tonight. Because I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I moved to a different state just to try and get away from the pain of what was. And now I find myself alone in a town where I know no one and I still feel the pain.

And then I read your blog. Thank you. From the bottom of my broken heart. Truly, thank you.

I've been there. I've been down that exact same road, including the part where you are now on the path. Eventually, thanks to honest living, I found that being alone is ok, and sometime after that I met and married the man of my dreams. Not because I had to, but because I couldn't imagine not sharing my life with him. I'm in a much more solid place today.

Wishing you nothing but the best in the path that lies ahead of you as you discover your journey.

Once again I can totally relate to your experience, except I was the one who left a wandering husband. I allowed him to convince me that I couldn't support myself and that I was not capable. He was wrong. We are all works in progress - never stagnate, always growing. Every experience is a part of the process. Keep on growing, who knows where it will take you!