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August 7, 2006

Hey, we need more people in matador costumes.

And people say I have too much time on my hands, I cannot imagine why.

(Do you like how we started this column today as if I was already at the end of telling ya'll some fascinating story about the time someone did such and such, and with much dramatic hand gesturing have concluded with, "Well! I cannot imagine why!" and now ya'll are just sitting there wondering if maybe I have finally done it, gone over the deep end of crazy into Really, Someone Should Phone Her Folks. Because now she's writing backwards. That cannot be a good sign.)


But people say I have too much time on my hands, not because I actually have a lot of free time to sit aound and ponder my bellybutton. It's because I'm always thinking up crazy shit that apparently normal folks don't say out loud. I can be right in the middle of a movie or a presentation at work or driving in real bad traffic and these thoughts just come to me, as if they were perfectly logical.

Such as: Why don't cats have bellybuttons?

And also: How do you become a blimp driver?

The blimp driver thing was on my mind this morning as I drove into work. Now, in my defense I had been at the dentist so perhaps some of the funny gas was working its magic on me, but since I myself was not the recipient of any actual funny gas, I'm not sure. Crazy by proxy, perhaps. The blimp driver credentialing question led me to thinking up a whole list of jobs that I might like to have.

Professions I Think I Might Like:

-- Hurricane Hunter
-- Ice Cream Tester
-- Matador Costume Wearer
-- Visionary
-- Game Show Host
-- Yarn Shopper
-- Homemade Bread Baker
-- Herb Gardener
-- Did I already say Yarn Shopper?
-- Roller Skater
-- Party Planner
-- Kitty Carlisle-esque TV Personality
-- Cat Psychologist

Huh, well what do you know, blimp driver did not even make it on the list. Truly, I'd never really thought about being a Matador before, but the costumes are so cool and I really do think you should get paid just for wearing something so ridiculous. Just show up in line at the grocery with a buggy full of cat food and beer and frozen Lean Cuisines, and check out while folks admire your Matadorness.

And people say I have too much time on my hands, I cannot imagine why!


Posted by laurie at August 7, 2006 1:24 PM