Fun AND educational. You are to our adult lives what Highlights magazine was to childhood. Will you be introducing a section where we have to find the cats and the wine hidden in a drawing?

Sometimes I think neighbors like that exist just so people have stories to tell at parties. At least that's how it is for me.

I love that you even thought to do this. Me, I think I would be sleeping on the bus after a night like that. But not Aunt Purl! She's always thinking of her readers! Too cute.

Also, as I was reading along, I thought you were going to say it was your DATE that showed up on your doorstep drunk at midnight! That would have been bad. Bad.

but do you live next door to a convicted rapist named Moses, originally from Alabama?

You have all the fun...nothing fun EVER goes on in my neighborhood. (except for the 4th of July)
I suppose that's what I get for moving from the fun neighborhood where stuff happened to the new planned development where all the houses match.

We call our neighbors, "The Foxworthy's". As a matter of fact, we have convinced everyone in the neighborhood that is what their name really is! Very few know their real identity.

Well, you can take the redneck out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of that thar redneck. What was that joke about the new license plate for ----- ? 14 million people, 10 last names? We've got redneck up North, too, sometimes they're called woodchucks 'cause they come out of their burrows once a month, when the gummint munney come in. Yep.

April, I hope not. I'm too afraid to go meet anyone else in the neighborhood LOL. My next door neighbors are real sweet, and the folks across the street are normal. Aside from that I keep to myself. Why can't more folks KEEP TO THEMSELVES?

And simply because you are AuntPurl, we, your throng, watch with enthusiasm, what you termed 'the dullest thing on YouTube'. It either says a lot about you, or us, or I suppose, really, both.

Oh, and the police are there on a REGULAR basis. They must be on their route by now. It is lovely when they take their disputes outside.

I would totally watch videos of someone driving, though. Am I really that desperate for entertainment during the day?

Oh who am I kidding? I'd prolly watch a video of paint drying heh heh.

Well it must be a tiny bit comforting to know that the crazies think you have your sh*t together enough to go to you for help sorting out their sh*t.

I think I just happened to be the only one in walking distance with the lights still on. From now on I'm not answering the door. Those two need the kind of help I can't give them. It makes me real sad, but I'm barely equipped to handle my own issues. You know?

I thought that the Crackhead Cousins had moved away! Did they leave a trail of corn nuts from their new digs to your door to find their way back??

Inquiring minds want to know!!

They moved a few streets over while their house was being repaired and now they're back. Been back since...oh, a few months ago I guess.

That is insane! I doubt my neighbors will be over asking for help since I've upset both of them in such a short time.

Promise not to answer the door :)

Miss Manoan, what did you do???

Oh and Liz: Cornnuts, priceless!!!!

Melly: FOXWORTHYs. hehehehehehe

I'm a psycho-magnet as well. People (complete strangers, mostly) love to confess terrible things to me. I was at my PetSmart a few months ago smooching up the cats for adoption when the woman running the place told me all about how her father molested her for entire childhood. And there were details.......waaaaay too many gruesome details. I know I'm a social worker but jeez I don't wear my credentials around me neck!

My neighborhood crackers drove their car into my normal neighbor's front yard last weekend! The only thing that kept them from actually crashing into the living room was a 10 year old maple tree. Oh, and it was at midnight as well!

Are cracker activities always scheduled from midnight to 8am?? Anyone??

Why yes, we do have rednecks! The reason for this, coming from your resident historian, is that during the Depression there was a little fiasco called the Dust Bowl Migration, wherein the midwest and parts of the South turned to dust, and all the sharecroppers and tenant farmers lost their homes and came to California, land of agricultural glory. Think Okies and Arkies. Some of the schools actually instituted remedial speech therapy courses to "help" the children of said Okies and Arkies lose their accents. Swear to God.

Wait a minute ... blue sky? ... in LA? ... during the summer?? HA! That video is fake! FAKE, I tell ya! Nice try, though! ;)

isn't it weird how there are rednecks everywhere, but when growing up in the south you're convinced they they only live in your neck of the woods? i'm beginning to think the 'common' american species is redneck. and thank god for when they make us look at ourselves and say "wow, i'm more normal than you. sweet."

Oooo. I feel as if I am there.

This is more exciting than I can say.

Will we next have video tours of your LYS's? 'Cuz last time I was over in the LA area I had to go to more shops than you can shake a stick at before I found the nice, friendly one in El Segundo.
(A warning, people: do not bother with the French-sounding yarn shop in Redondo Beach. It's awful, and they don't want you there anyway and won't talk to you.)

trail of cornnuts? hee hee Liz is funny ;)

Laurie: a) you are totally genteel in my book with or without neighbors for comparison
b) I watch the CalTrans live feeds from 511.org all the time - watching traffic that you're not a part of feels almost omnicent (sp?)
c) Keep Jen around. she's good people to get you like that..and to call regarding your well being with said interruption. Hooray for Jen.
d)thank god for dyson

Now I am dying to know what Drunken Julie's drama was last night!

And like Liz R., I always have people coming up to me and telling me their life stories. Some strange lady on the elevator the other day told me her son was arrested. Do I know you?

ha! Date+Crazy drunk person at front door at midnight? Your life *is* exciting!

I have saved your boring videos so when I miss the convenience of the city, I can watch them and get things right in my head again. Except I do miss Ikea.

And the neighbors, um, hi, y'all, are you sure it's not Britney Spears and KFlub?

"Do not ask me why on earth I thought these videos would be interesting to anyone..."

A valid question. Another valid question: Why did I watch all three of them knowing what they were? Which would be more boring: being the person to post them, or being a person who watches them looking for a vicarious trip through Hollywood?

once upon a time in the days before my bf and i lived together we lived in the same apartment complex. he was in his apartment with a friend and i was hanging outside smoking a cigarette with another friend. while i was outside smoking, chatting whatever, a woman on drugs and in bad shape, makes her way to his apartment. lets herself in, takes off her pants and is sitting butt ass naked on his couch. him and his friend were just in awe. she only wanted to talk to him and ignored the friend and said he could kiss her if he wants.

he said he had to go outside for a smoke. i see him come out and he motioned to me with his hands. the dumbass that i am couldn't figure out what he wants and was yelling back "what?" "call who?" "911? why?" when she came down the stairs and straight for me screaming.

i went a block away and called 911. stayed a block away because any indication i was coming closer and she started screaming again. anyway, a bus came by and she got on it before the cops showed up. turns out the bus driver kicked her off for her craziness.

white trash drama happens everywhere.

She's his girlfriend AND his cousin!? Wait, have they been on Springer?

And I totally expected you to say that the person who showed up at the door was the date, too. (Glad it was not though).

I know what you mean about neighbours. My husband was once up a ladder fixing our arage roof when he spoted a next door neighbour walking backwards carefully, out of his garage - he was backing away from his drunken wife who was brandishing the carving knife!

Hey at least your bus was A. moving and B. on a highway. Wanna try mine on side streets where it can barely pass the parked cars, so it moves and an excrutiatingly slow pace?

Nice neighbors. :o)

Oh, laurie, you could post film of paint drying and we, your faithful, would watch it.

Anyway, that's not the craziest thing to videotape. Back in my college days I was in Rome, at the Vatican, and watched a tourist videotaping a statue. You know, big marble thing that doesn't move, ever? I know it's a famous statue, but a), it's not moving, so at least use a still camera, and b), it's behind plexiglass to keep the crazy with the sledgehammer off it ('member that?), so all you're going to see is glare. I would have loved to see the movies of his trip!

Two things--your commute is a LOT like mine has been in Houston, except your sky is blue (not white haze of summer), and you have topography! (Houston is so very flat. Our only "look-out points" are overpasses. Sad).

Loved the videos--I always have to look straight ahead to avoid running into the goober with no brake lights who cut in front of me. Looking to the side view for more than a second or two feels very relaxed and movie-like.

Oh. My. God! I skipped over to the original story (that I had not read because I *gasp* didn't read CAP back then) and was so happy that I hadn't read it because it was hilarious. I'm talking "Holy shit, I'm at work and I gotta keep quiet before they find out I'm not working" laughing.

Thankfully, I do not have any rednecks around here (Don't know how, this is Florida.) I have had my share of crackheads sleeping on the porch previously, though.

Anyway, thanks for that.

Sunshine

OK, I can't watch video right now because I am reading/writing this from the local library where I am on vacation in Maine, where there are plenty of rednecks, but also a really nice library, but also lots of tourists waiting to use the computers. You should visit sometime. Meanwhile, it would be cheaper and quicker to go visit my blog: really nice pictures, no plot. May you have less plot real soon. Hang in there.

I thought perhaps I had become a vampire or something. None of the videos showed up on my screen - just the boxes where the videos would be and the captions "underneath." Then I thought maybe, based on the comments, that everyone was just playing along with CAP's clever cover of a camera malfunction. Now, I think I'm just nuts. (but my computer keeps telling me it's trying to load three more items. Phantoms!)

Read your Meet the Neighbors story. OMG funny.

I'm so impressed that your traffic was moving and not at a standstill that I refuse to wonder why I watched videos of LA traffic.... That and I'm so very happy that it wasn't me in the LA traffic that I just don't care that I watched videos of traffic!!!

My crazy neighbors is actually a rather sweet lady, she's just not quite right.... If she wants to talk to me and I have the front door open for venelation purposes, she'll stand on the sidewalk, 5 or 6 feet from my door and say my name just over a whisper. Like I'm really going to hear that and why wouldn't you just come to the door and ring the bell?

Ok, Stephanie that is FUNNY. Goofball.

Oh! And traffic was moving because it was still in the 6 a.m. hour, not bad at all.

Julie -- I am so sorry, I don't know why you can't see it. Can you see them on youtube? Try this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tflWShd-jKo

I didn't know you and Jennifer were fellow members of the Cult of Dyson! It is so amazing! Just talking about it makes me want to go home and vacuum.

Gwen, I know!!! It is a cult, really. I mean I would marry James Dyson today if I could, the man made a vacuum right. I love him, more than is probably legal without a restraining order.

I live right next door to a half-way house. Seriously. A half-way house. I could spit on the side of their house from my front porch (Now let me clarify and say that I have never done any spitting on their house, but I could if I should ever feel so inclined). Oddly enough, they are some of the friendliest people on the street. They wave at me every day, never make any noise, etc. Then there are the supposedly "normal" ones down the street who just painted their newly remodeled house bright blue with purple trim.

When I moved from Florida to Northern California years ago (now back in Florida) I honestly thought rednecks were only a southern thing. I was shocked that California had its own native population! And apparently so did other western states! I'm not sure what this means.

we're the rednecks in our neighborhood -- well joe is anyway. we had a big old white chevy that didn't run sitting in the driveway with plants growing out of it. and our gutters are falling off the house. thank god for the mini parked in front.

and i wish i had thought to take video of our drives in france.

and jen is a good friend. you're both lucky to have eachother.

oh! the capitol record building is so "jetsons".

and we also have a rusty old backhoe in our yard.

OMG!!! I laugh and laugh every time I read your blog!! Guess it's cause I can relate to so much of what you go through!!

This is my best reneck story: I lived in Katy, TX for a while and had a redneck neighbor who worked nights. One night he came to my house wanting to borrow my car to go to work 'cause his wasn't running. My now ex-husband actually loaned it to him (I owed one more payment on it)! Next morning the police came to the door to let us know that the neighbor got drunk, got on the wrong side of the freeway and ran head-on into a motorcycle!! Both drivers lived, but I got sued for damages 'cause the car was in my name!!! Then the neighbor had the nerve to refuse to pay for any of the damages to my car, not even the deductable!!! Said we shouldn't have loaned the car to him!!! I didn't know who I should kill first, my ex-hubby or the neighbor!!!

Keep up the good blogging. It helps get me through some really boring work days!

I once had a white trash neighbor with a pomeranian ...she thought it was really funny to let the dog lick her teeth and tongue, and stick its snout right in her mouth...in other words, SHE SUCKED FACE WITH HER DOG!! Eeewwwww!
Also, her boyfriend (a guy, not the dog)had no front teeth.

I seem to attract those bizarre redneck encounters as well. One time, I said in passing to a woman that I had never met before, "Hello. How are you?" Imagine my surprise when instead of answering with the usual, "wonderful how bout you" she stopped dead in her tracks and proceeded to regale me with a 20 minute history of her life - including but not limited to - her last husband's affair and their subsequent divorce.

Has this woman never heard of a social pleasantry?

Of course she later married a man who strongly resembled a Ferengi and then *pretended* to be pregnant with twins. Needless to say, people in the office who gave her a shower gifts, were not pleased.

De-lurking to post this article I found:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14124484/

It's about freak magnets. :)

Oh darling I love the boring videos. I so agree that after a night a drama thank god for the mundane. Big hugs to you from Alabama

Oh darling I love the boring videos. I so agree that after a night a drama thank god for the mundane. Big hugs to you from Alabama

I'm sure your neighbors are probably related to me. I so want to get a Dyson, but I keep spending my extra cash on yarn.

Frankly, I charged my Dyson right after I moved into the spinster hovel. It was just a few months since he'd jumped ship, and I was lost, and I needed something new and big and hello... 800 square feet of house with four cats? The Dyson was a luxury item, sure, but I bought it anyway.

But I tell you what. That Dyson has more than paid for itself. I vacuum literally every day, no bags, never breaks, never clogs, never loses suction! And I have four super shedders. Amazing. Worth every dime.

yes..."those neighbors" I've had those before...mine were drunk mark and meth maggie and they were cousins too AND she was pregnant. i think we had to call the cops no less than 80 times the 6 months they lived next to us. he had some sort of affection for puking in front of my door (and not his that was two feet away from mine) and screeching away at 3 am after they had been fighting for hours. she loved chain smoking, sardine sandwiches (with her two good teeth)and coming over in a crystal meth haze and asking to borrow random things like ice cube trays, frying pan lids, and a razor sho she could "shave because mark likes her shaved" (i kid you not i about fell over....not that i'm a prude or anything). once we were listening to a police scanner and heard about a guy that had been thrown out of a moving truck and then like a half an hour later the police bring mark home all scratched up - it was him!!!!

OMG... you made me want a Dyson... Can I send the bill to you if I order one? hubby just lost his job and we are in terrible shape trying not to get utilities cut off, etc... oh wait. I am starting to sound like one of the crazies...

...slowly backing away from the keyboard.

nevermind, carry on....

My husband rarely pays attention to me when I talk about my knitting blogs, but he loves stories about your crackhead neighbors. We also had our own crackhead neighbors, they did not mow their lawn for three years at one point my friend who takes care of my yard and went over and mowed their front lawn because he couldn't stand it anymore. They finally moved out last fall taking one very scarey pit bull and eleventy million cats that I had been feeding. I really miss those cats.

My crazy neighbor lives two houses up the road. She walks her dog every afternoon. It is a poodle...kind of a dirty white color. Dry, frizzy, home-perm-looking peroxide blonde hair--the lady, not the dog. Today, she was wearing black linen walking shorts, a white tank top and fuck me pumps while smoking a cigarette that rivaled Drunk Julie's with its ashes.

I've seen her, but never watched her. But, I have been finding small little puppy piles at the end of my driveway every evening for months now and today...it all came together. I just realized (I think it was the nonchalance of the cigarette) that it was her yippy little ragmuffin dog (I love dogs, really, have one even) pooping in my driveway. So...I watched her.

Sure as shit...excuse the pun...

What to do??? After a few minutes of wondering--a flaming poop package on her doorstep this evening? No, too juvenile. Call the cops? No, too confrontational.

After she turned to make her way home on her wobbly heels, I ran out, scooped the poop up on a shovel and caught up with her just at the foot of her driveway.

"Hey," I said, "I think you forgot something!" And I dropped it...right next to her black patent leather pump. Smiled, waved, and ran like hell.

The neighbor at the house in between applauded.

Ah, I'm number 54! It's like a friggin' bakery around here!

A few things:

1) It it weren't for TV I'd be a lathe operator in Toledo. TV gave me a window on a world that might be, and convinced me that I wasn't alone in my freaky need to go to college, move to NY (THAT Girl!) or become a costumer (Rhoda)

2) When I met Alex Trebek I became so nervous I blurted out,"I remmber you from the Wizard of Odds!" Not a stellar moment.

3) I love Kitty. She has a voice like an emery board with chocolate poured on it.

4) We used to live near a woman who looked like Ernest Borgnine in a housedress and walked her chicken down the street. This was in BROOKLYN. Now THAT was a neighbor...

hehehehe Hi Annie!!!!

Laurie, I can see the video now! On my home computer. For some reason (imagine!) my work computer didn't let me see the racy traffic videos. Love the Jetson's building.

Annie, are you actually from Toledo? I'm in that neck 'o the woods and I love THAT Girl. Trivia: Danny Thomas is from Toledo. And Gloria Steinem and Rosemary Clooney (George's aunt) and Jamie Farr. Gosh, I'm so proud. (o:

Anybody have a Roomba? I covet one.

LOL for the videos.

Your neighbor story reminds me of why I ran from Virginia back to the safety of California. Now I just get to hang out with folks -- businessmen with connections and gang members -- who can take care of problems for me. Sorry. Just got back from lunch with cocktails. Woohoo! More details tomorrow. When I can type better.

The fact that I actually clicked on all 3 videos and watched them says something very disturbing about me. Be that as it may, I am moving to the L.A. area at the end of October. However, my stomping grounds will be off the 405 south of the 10. The Valley is too hot for this native Washingtonian.

Commenting again. I had to let you know that the only thing worse than having rednecks for neighbors is being related to someone else's redneck neighbors. My father-in-law is the quintessential redneck. He was a field tech supervisor and would field all his calls from the local Hooters. After my mother-in-law wisely divorced him, he offered to have sex with her in lieu of paying his child support (tempting ... but no). He set his own trailer on fire to collect insurance money (but then realized much to his chagrin that he hadn't made the insurance payment so the policy had been cancelled). The first time he came to visit my husband and I when we were engaged, he stole my anti-depressants and tried to sell them to my husband's cousin.

Hey, I have a Dyson. With two rabbits, it was necessary. My old vacuum died after 6 months. The Dyson rocks.

Sorry such a promising night turned into a redneck soap opera.

Hope your next date ends better than that.

ROTFLMAO!! God Laurie...you are a riot! I too have that special friend Jennifer...I guess we all need one!

Yep, I'm from Toledo. Just like Joe E. Brown, Mary Worth (yes, the comic strip old lady) and PJ O'Roark. KInd of hitting the 7th string of Toledo stars here...

Hi Laurie! I wish I could be out there to see you (and MEET Drew!)

Oh - about TV? I actually used TIVO for the first time at Laurie's house. I love TV, but we don't have cable or TIVO. We have a good antenna.

Kissin' Cousins! Eeeewww!

Hey, I dare anyone NOT from LA to try to find the Cathedral in the last video. You drove right by my house! (not the Cathedral--I live by Capitol).

Now that our local Alcoholic/Crazy married couple has been evicted, the drama 'round my house is much less. But they did leave their cat, whom we adopted, and who is currently working out his PTSD on our furniture.

This is why I love you! "There are rednecks everywhere!"

So TRUE!

I'm so happy I'm moving to the South. Where crazy is it's own kind of normal. It will find it's way into your heart even if you've spent most of your life somewhere else.

My mother-in-law has been down there for 6 years. While she has been visiting on Baby Watch 2006, I've noticed that she says "Bless her heart!" about sixteen thousand times a day. Because if there is anyway to temper saying something negative about anyone...it's "Bless her/his heart!"

We interrupt this hilarious post for this late-breaking news!

http://snakesonaplane.varitalk.com/

Be very very glad we don't have your phone number, girlio!

be sure not to tell your new beau that you blog, then you can tell us about him!

We have scores of rednecks in Alaska. You can live in a half-built shack with all your crap out in the yard and blast anyone who looks at you funny with your concealed weapon, oh joy.

Hello Annie,
Well done with more of the B-level Toledo celebs. I'm actually from Pburg (PHS '77) and moved WAY across the river to Maumee. But, I heart many people and things outside this Mary Worth-type soap area - inside too. BTW, my 12-year-old son just asked me why anyone would like the "comic strip" Mary Worth. I had to explain newspaper soaps and I agreed, I never liked Mary Worth or Steve Roper either. Boring. RIght up there with Prince Valient (not local - hehehe) Let us not forget that the author of most of the Nancy Drew's is a Toledoan, though. Cheers and congrats on the costume design thang.

Oh, Sugar, boring is such a blessing. I think most of us get to deal with truly crazy at some point in our lives, even living in the blue states, but don't it make ya appreciate your own brand of only slightly crazy that much more?

There's nothing sweeter than the quietly mundane after a night of crazy-town. I'm worried about you getting caught in the (literal or figurative) cross-fire of their lunacy. Please be careful.

Oh, and a Dyson question - does it have a HEPA filter? That's all too important in my little sinus-congested world.

We call the houses next to ours "Tobacco Road," and we're grateful that the residents a) make us look like model citizens despite our slipshod yard maintenance, and b) like us, because it would be scary if they didn't.

When we lived in the condo, we swore the 2-bedroom unit next to us was posessed. First was Crystal, her baby, and her husband, Wifebeater. When they left, it was the four butch women (two had no front teeth) who were always having sex or fighting, and were so loud about both it was sometimes hard to tell which was which. After that was a lady in "sales"... her phone would ring around 9pm or so, and she'd leave about a half hour later dressed all fancy. Then there was Mike, and we were happy he was just a Pepsi salesman. Then we found out he got lots of visitors: they'd drive up two to a car, one would wait in the car with the engine running, the other would run in for five minutes. Boy were we glad to leave that condo.

Everyone needs a friend like Jennifer.

man, your bus rides are quiet! here in DC everyones yelling at someone, or just yelling at themselves.

I seem to be a psycho magnet while on the bus. (And Laurie, was there no one else on the bus with you? So quiet! No one talking or playing music?! Oh wait - pre-caffeine time still, huh...)

I cannot tell you how many times my seatmate has peed their pants and all over the seat we were sharing. Seriously. bus-psycho-magnet. And that's not even in a huge city like LA or NYC! We're talking the Pacific NorthWest!

Laurie: You have to play around with this website: http://snakesonaplane.varitalk.com/

Oh man, I haven't thought about Crackhead bob and crazy Julie in months. I had to go back and re-read their saga, because I laugh so hard tears roll down my face and I can't speak for a few minutes. Aren't I terrible? Sometimes you just need a good laugh!

And Annie.. we don't have Tivo either.

I love you, too, Laurie. Even more than my Dyson.

Hurray for wonderful friends like Jennifer! Guess what? You can be born and raised, with your entire family, in California and realize that one of your sisters is a redneck! It has baffled the rest of us for years since we all grew up together in the same house and she's the only one with the accent and redneck qualities--like living in the middle of an orchard in a trailer with a huge hole in the floor and a bull wandering outside. My favorite was when her truck-driving boyfriend ran out on her and stole all the meat in the freezer and all the food she'd canned on his way out the door. Sadly, my insensitive and smart ass siblings have taken to imitating her with the phrase, "The bastid dun tuk all mah vittles!" Yes, we are a horrible bunch... ;o)

ohhh got to love best friends, Like ya......those neighbours..... those are the ones I wanted to be all nosy about....the drunk crack head cousins.Who dosn't want to know more about those people. It's just our Laurie has live there, and they may read the blog, and she dosn't want to get into it. Well the thing is ,THIS IS REAL LIFE. I mean you can't make this shit up.Red necks are everywhere.I live in the east end of Toronto, and I call my locals "east-end-buddies" But I do not call them that to their face,I don"t even do eye contact.Ohhh got to love knitting (so you can ignore all the east-end-buddies on the bus.)
Best friends and knitting...got to love theme luv denny x0x0x

oh and jen my mom always said "Dyson's will come and go but there is only one Laurie in your life"

Funny! Yeah I know Red Neckington and his Asian wife in my street are very interesting!
Rednecks are everywhere and God has made them to provide us with some laughs and also so that we can go home, snuggle into our beds and think about just how normal we are!
Mia

Neighbors from hell....{or Mars}...been there. A few years back the trailer house next to us became a rental.I think the lady who owned it scoured the back alleys for tenants. One day a couple moved in that seemed to be normal for a change. Wrong. They lived there about 2 weeks, when after midnight we woke up to red lights flashing, the street was lined with police cars, detectives, and an ambulance. They were there for hours. Found out the next day from another neighbor, they had been to a party and were drunk, came home and he wanted to have sex, and she didn't. He got mad and got his loaded shotgun and stuck the barrel end in his big ol' belly and said, "Betcha won't pull the
trigger...."BITCH"....She did....Last we heard he was in the hospital a long time had lots of surgeries....and they were still together... Go figure. Aknita....aka...Anita

Another quick story. I was reading your blog on the not too bright policeman and thought you might like this story. DH went to a subway sandwich shop, and told the girl working there he wanted a foot long. The girl looked at him like he was from Mars and said,
Sir we only have 6" or 12" subs.

DH......

DH......

DH......12".

Priceless...still laughing about this one... Love to read your blog it makes my day a lot brighter..Aknita....aka....Anita

Oh Bless their hearts...no way I can top these redneck tales even from way down here in Louisiana.

Just gotta say AMEN to the Dyson. All hail the Dyson. Expensive? maybe but I can vacumn til my arm falls off and it keeps on sucking strong. no $%*#!@& filters to mess with. Except the hepa twice a year, even I can handle that. I'm landscaping my backyard with all the shit I keep getting out of the (used to be rented house)carpet. eeewwwwwww

Real crazy makes me feel so much better! Yes, there are hillbillies wherever you go.

And talk about crazy, I'm sittin here writing to you while the director of homeland security is on the t.v. telling me that I can't travel with most of my beauty products from now on. Now thats crazy.

Here is a great reason to NEVER open your door after dark: http://www.startribune.com/467/story/604366.html

This happened right upstairs from BirdChick's apartment...and she has photos: http://www.birdchick.com/blog.html

I am so thankful that you posted this. I am so sick of everybody thinking Southerners are the only "necks in the entire world.

From a Florida cracker living in DC--thanks for making it ok to admit your crackerness and your love of booze! At least I'm not up here living with my cousin... and dammit, some of these uppity cities need a little crackerness every now and then.

I used to live in the Bay Area, and I will definitely vouch for the existence of rednecks everywhere! And thanks for the video clips. A California fix for an eternally homesick ex-pat in Washington D.C.! I'm sort of your opposite --I'm a displaced Californian, although I've been living in the D.C. area for 11 years now.

My (now former!) next door neighbor from hell: among his more normal pursuits: Calls his filled-with-rainwater-and-frogs former swimming pool a "pond" and claims it isn't a breeding tank for mosquitoes; has a mail-order bride from some little island in the south pacific who isn't allowed to speak to us (although she waves when he's not around) and who not only takes care of his house, does all the outside yard work too.

We moved a couple of weeks ago...

Oh. And I have a Dyson too. Five dogs. Need a Dyson!

I didn't start reading your blog until late last year, so I had to go back and read the post about how you first met Crackhead Bob and his drunk girlfriend/cousin Julie.

My God. It's a wonder you don't drink more. But as someone else noted, neighbors like that must be great for story fodder. . .

When I moved from DC to Denver I took pictures of the road while driving, which probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. HOwever, you drive through 8 hours of the rolling hills of Kansas and try to keep yourself from going crazy!

While camping one summer, my friend started referring to our nieghboring campers as "the Bundys", complete with referring to the dad as "Al" and the mom as "Peg". It was especially telling when "Al" suddenly packed up himself and the kids and left his wife behind.

So, are you going to share the most recent story of Crackhead Bob and Drunk Julie, or are we to go unsatisfied?

hon, you are so not w.t. Now, my former neighbor, Collector Dave? He was w.t. Make that W.T. And my Aunt May, a.k.a. Patty Gallagher from the "Patty Gallagher and The Showdowners" country and western band? The Queen W.T. You? Not even close. Love ya! (and thx for the mention earlier this month!)

A group of us went camping once. Found a nice little patch of gravel near a lake. All was going well until we heard the deafening sound of a flatbed truck, complete with plywood sides, roaring down the pristine forest hill. Looking up, I gasped when I saw a rather Amazon-like older woman standing up in the back of the truck, hanging on to the sides as if she were riding a bull. When the car stopped, amid the dust and the stench that followed, she roughly called to the cute child in the cab: "Get GRANDMA a beer!"

Whoo-hoo, the weekend had begun.

Cheers to you, Aunt Purl. You make me larf.

~J

perhaps your ability to cope so delicately with the white-trash minidrama (which, painfully, reminds me much of my own family. Hey ya'll, watch this!)will have a positive effect on your dating karma and thereby produce more dates of the nature which we are not discussing so as not to jinx it?

fingers crossed for you. when in doubt, vacuum. I have only wood and tile floors (living the solar powered life, you know) but, I gotta say, I miss my vacuum. What a power rush when the kids lie and say they've cleaned up their toys and Mr. Kick your ass and suck up all your toys came out of the hall closet. You should have seen them scrambling and shreiking to really pick up their stuff! Ah, the good ole days.

Love the videos! You never know though - you could be making a random video like that someday and record something really important like that Zapruder fellow did in Dallas all those years ago.

Kind of fun - made me feel like we were riding along with you!

Sorry to hear about your neighbors, though. Here in West LA all we have is the homeless guy who keeps barfing (LOUDLY) in our alley. We've had to call the paramedics more than once when he passes out where cars can run over him.

.......ROCK!!!!

Laurie! you are like a star/famous person in blog land.... I'm a big fan. Just an old bag from Wisconsin (and proud cheesehead/packer fan).. just wanted to say Hi and I can't go without reading your blogs. and DYSON, love it, I think I could sell them door to door! I have 4 cats; 2 sets of sisters.... have a great day!

Lori, I think we NEED those real crazy people in our lives to keep the rest of us feeling normal some of the time! I know about drunk/crazy/messed up neighbors/strangers on your door at god-forsaken hour!
Hey can you tell us sometime how a real southern girl makes sweet tea.. for us yanks?
: )

SHIT, now I see it's Laurie not LORI! Like that never happens to you.
Sorry. : )

I am struck by two things:

I'm so very glad I don't live in LA. I can say that because I live just OUTSIDE LA in a boring LA suburb... but just SEEING those too familiar sights makes me tense. There is very little I hate more than driving in LA.

and two:

I am struck by how quiet everyone on your bus is.

And yes... the white trash drama it is everywhere. There is a house up the street where the police visit en masse at least once per week. And I don't mean ONE cop car. We're talking 4 or 5 Johnny-in-a-boxes, all parked haphazardly and blocking further access to the street.
I've asked, each time, and they've responded "Domestic disturbance"
I say, "Someone needs to throw in the towel and file for divorce"

If you'd like -- I can give you my tasty White Trash Tacos recipe for just such occasions. Mmmmmm tacos!

go team aunt purl!!!!! good luck!!!!

OMG - I just clicked to the back story (I'm late, I know) on your neighbors - how did I miss that one last year? Now I'm glad I don't know much about my neighbors...I hear more than I want to know drifting up from my open bedroom window anyway.

OMG... the link back to the original meeting of the White Trash Neighbors had me laughing out loud. I am so sorry you still have to deal with the kissin' cousins.

Well, we got Fo-ty Man and his sidekick Fo-ty Gal. They live in their cousin's yard across the street from me. I have never seen them sober, but have seen the Gal go all wonky down the street only to have her Man pick her up and put her back in the yard where she belongs!

Boy, do I ever miss California. :-(

Once lived in a very small apt. complex in Texas . . . the apartments were studios with sleeping lofts. Neighbor gal came in really late, blind drunk. In the middle of the night I heard a deafening noise and then whimpering. She had fallen off the loft in her sleep and broken her knee. Another time I got up in the morning, looked out the window and saw her sleeping on top of the closed dumpster. If rats for bedfellows ain't w.t., I don't know what is.

I really wish you did a verbal commentary on the whole drive. I would love to hear your southern drawwwwwl.

Thanks for the videos, cool. Was that the LA Cathedral? I have been planning to go down there to see the John Nava tapestries. Waiting for it to cool down a bit.