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May 16, 2006

Sexy Little Knits

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I got a copy of this book from the publisher, because I believe after reading my essay, "Will my house look bigger if my butt gets smaller?" they decided this glossy, lovely knitting book would be exactly the motivation I need to:
A) Go on a diet
B) Cry and
C) Drink wine and eat taquitos while flipping through said glossy book, because by now ya'll know my favorite O'Haraism, "I Will Think About My Diet Tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day."

The truth is, a lot of folks still think of knitting (and crocheting) as old granny crafts. Not that there is anything wrong with grannycrafting, mind you (so please back away from the hate mail button!) but truth is, yarn has come a long way, baby. My granny's crocheted toilet paper cozies -- a hoopskirt for a faux-barbie, OH YES SHE DID -- were no doubt the very pinnacle of cool back in the day, but now you can crochet or knit a sushi cozy for your TP. THAT IS PROGRESS, PEOPLE. I would venture to say that knitting is like the snowboarding of the craft world. Rockstar! And also, crazy!

I have seen some of the most amazing creations at Stitch 'n Bitch, and I still can't believe you can hold two sticks and some string in your hands and make anything from clothes to purses to legwarmers to chicken viking hats. Truly, what with all the mathiness of knitting and the expensiveness of the good yarn and the sheer variety of people who do it, knitting is really an art form. Plus, you can watch TV while you do it!

Knitting books are like crack for me, I love to sit on the floor at the bookstore and flip through all the glossy pages of inspiration, and I have far too many knitting books for one who has smoked the scarf pipe and apparently can make nothing more time-consuming than a hat. Yet, still, I persist with my love of knitting books because they are inspiring and, well, kind of like porn. Of the knitterly variety.

Which brings me back to the original topic (ya'll! stay awake! I'm getting to the point!) Sexy Little Knits is a new book by swimwear designer Ashley Paige, and it will immediately disarm you of your grannycrafting stigma. The patterns inside are indeed sexy, and a few fall into just plain hootchie and I mean that as a compliment. If I had a body like any of the models in this book, I would just walk around buck naked and that is no lie.

Of course, I do not have a model-bod, and I will not be making any of the flirty little bikinis or short-shorts or rompers a'la Rollergirl, because I have a little too much juicy booty for this book, and the booty needs perhaps a tad more than four inches of mohair to keep it under control. It's not just the posterior I'm having to keep mind of, I was looking at the bandeau top bikini and thinking, "Nice headband!" Let it be known that the girls and I will be firmly encased in uplifting lycra this summer, preferably in something underwire. Ya'll know.


But all my friends are about as skinny as poles and the bandeau and the halter-tie bikini patterns would be perfect for any one of them. (Lucky little brats.) Even though I personally can't wear one, I do love the idea of a knitted or crocheted bikini, they are so cute and retro. I did fall in love with the idea of knitting my own bathrobe, one of the patterns featured in this book, and I read through the directions which were (surprisingly) easy enough for even a remedial knitter such as myself to follow.


I like the way the designer breaks up the knitting directions under headings and the layout of the book is very easy to follow, with plenty of slick photos of each piece modeled by impossibly leggy chicks.


The halter dress was really cute and the mesh nightie was too much, I loved it, although I would make it shorter rather than longer and also, I would have all my cellulite sucked out surgically and also, I would need to be liquored up. But the very idea that someone is out there providing easy-to-read patterns of hoochie little knits makes me happier. And once I actually put down the taquitos and lose a pound or forty, I might even make me a little hippie halter top. To wear under my bathrobe.

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Sexy Little Knits : Chic Designs to Knit and Crochet (Paperback)
by Ashley Paige
Paperback, 128 pages
Potter Craft Books

Posted by laurie at May 16, 2006 9:18 AM