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May 01, 2006
May 2006 Hor-O-Scopes
It's May Day! I know that today is filled with all kinds of protest activity and so on, but today is also my mom's birthday, so ... let us all eat cake! Cake is truly one of the most underrated aspects of the American dream. Where once you had to slave over a hot stove, beating eggs into submission and... uh, other cooking stuff, now you can just go to the deli and get a giant slice of chocolate cake. It could be German chocolate, or Mexican chocolate, or Hershey Pennsylvania Chocolate... we are the equal opportunity cake country!
Astrologically speaking, this is supposed to be a really good month for us Cancer folks. It's all about Mars and Uranus, and Jupiter, and some other stuff with planets aligning and a full moon on the 13th and ya'll. I'm treating May as my personal wishing well, giving this whole month up to divine intervention and cake. I suggest that everyone enjoy some cake early in the month, when planets are more shiny and happy, and bathing suit season still seems far away. Unless you live in the Valley of course, where it was so hot yesterday you'd swear it was August, and like me you've sworn of bathing suits forever. But I digress. Happy May Day, and Birthday! And cake! (This is what happens when you prognosticate too close to lunchtime.)
- - - - - - - - -
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
This is the month of long-lost-someones popping back into your life just like one of those annoying whack-a-mole games at Chuck E. Cheese (which has great pizza, by the way... mmm. cheese. pepperoni.) You can count on someone from the past popping up in an unexpected form in the next two weeks, and the trip down memory lane won’t end until mid-June. In fact, it may have already begun. I’m fuzzy on the timeline but I can tell you this: it will stir up some weird inner emotional stuff. (I prescribe cake! Stat!) Interestingly enough, the weird emotional stuff won't be all bad. In fact, it may have you looking back over the past little while with new eyes, and seeing all the good, and how far you've come. You may find yourself happily realizing how much you've changed. Come to think of it, I haven't been to Chuck E. Cheese in a while. Maybe we should meet there and you can give me a list of all the positives to have come into your life since you last saw your blast from the past. Or we could just have lunch. Because you know. Lunch!
PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
Like sands from the hourglass, so are the places of our lives. Some geographical region is calling out to you, your wanderlust is getting to you in night sweats and daydreams. I have never seen a sign more in need of a vacation. A little change of locale will make an enormous change in your perspective. Take the urge seriously and make a weekend getaway a reality. It doesn’t have to be expensive or far away to give you the little jolt you need … in fact, the oasis you’re looking far is closer to home than ya'll may expect. The month of May has the planets just-so for a perfect Pisces diversion. Pack your bags, and some snacks, I like those Cheeze-Its in little individual-sized bags, or! oh! Goldfish. mmmm. Goldfish. Perfect for a Pisces vacation. Oh yeah.
ARIES (March 21- April 19)
Time to save early and save often. This is a wonky time, little Aries, when once-dormant financial warts begin to grow prickly hairs. But ya'll don’t throw yourselves on the fire of monetary ruin just yet. Lean times make you even more creative and wily, you crafty little beast. By summer’s end you’ll be out of debt’s dark shadow if you use your talent for resolving dilemmas on yourself (instead of focusing all your problem-solving energy on you-know-who). Also! When warts are in your forecast it is no time to kiss frogs. Instead, use some of that pent-up energy and desire to relax over the long weekend at the end of May, I think a barbecue sounds good. Maybe a thick, juicy cheeseburger or some grilled shrimp? This lunchtime astrology thing is tough. I'll have to go with burgers.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
I look at your end-of-May chart and all I see is … feet. I haven’t had a great deal of time to ponder the meaning of this clearly significant sign. Feet. It can mean so many things! Begin walking? Walk away? Tired feet? Foot traffic? Foot soldier? Go shoe shopping? Foot the bill? Foot in mouth? Footsteps? Beat feet to the food court? Follow or lead? Ah, yes, follow or lead! A question you’ve given some thought to. I believe this symbol can mean anything you choose - progress, change, or Roxy flip-flops in a Hawaiian print. But then again, I’m not standing in your shoes, and neither is anyone else. So how can anyone but you decide what is best for your own feet? You know your true direction, deep down, and you can trust your own decisions this month, and let others follow in your footsteps. Maybe those footsteps will lead to cake. I do not know.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
I have had some automobile issues as of late. Large, cumbersome automobile issues. You, on the other hand, are having road issues. Well, path issues, to be more specific. Summer brings out the two parts of you that tamer seasons manage to dull: wistfulness and ants-in-your-pants-edness. You see how important it is, that I had to go and make up a word like ants-in-you-pants-edness. I love Gemeni folks, because ya'll are always just one step ahead of the rest of us, unfortunately ya'll don't handle anxiety very well. The anxiety you feel right now over your future is only going to give you a headache and something akin to perma-PMS, so lighten up on yourself just a little bit and indulge your wistfulness by planning a Memorial Holiday weekend, and use the last days of May to formulate a Plan, even if you end up scrapping it in August. Oh! Invite me to the party. I will bring... um? Cake?
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
More UFOs appear to Cancerians than to any other sign in the zodiac. Perhaps we're so damn evolved that we naturally attract intelligent life from other planets. On the other hand, maybe we're just a little oversensitive and we "see" things that aren't there. This is the dual nature of the crab. May is shaping up to be a stellar month for crabs, and boy have we needed it. I think we should spend this month actively communicating with intelligent beings. Instead of seeing aliens all around us, or trying to beam ourselves far away from the current situation (whatever it may be) (and right now personally it is my dire lack of lunch), we ought to try seeking some human contact. Whether it's in relationships (hrmph), career issues, or family and home stuff, the results could be out of this world. (Hah hah! Get it! Out of this world!) (Sorry. Low blood sugar.)
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Remember those little orange baby aspirin? I used to pretend to be sick just so I could take one. And then there was the attention. Plus I got to stay home and watch General Hospital. I thought I really had a good thing going by faking it, and so do you. The problem is that we’re not in third grade anymore and while you’re faking IT, the real thing is out there passing you by. The more time you spend fooling people for attention, the more time you’ve lost having really genuine experiences. You may not think you’re faking anything, but take a closer look at a key relationship as June nears. Are you being completely honest? Are you getting all your needs met? Are you feeling the love, the attention, the cake? Whoops! Did I say cake? I meant pie. Anyway, this month is a good time to stop faking it, fooling yourself and anyone else along the way. You really are good enough just the way you are. Chew on that one. Then take two baby aspirin and call me in the morning.
VIRGO (August 23 - Sept. 22)
Predictions are clumsy animals. I always get the exact dates slightly skewed, which led me to believe the notion that perhaps our sign is actually determined at conception, instead of birth. Don’t you often feel that your astrological prediction in the daily paper is, well, slightly askew? Not totally wrong, but not right, either. So, for the month of May, I backtracked nine months to give you a clearer prediction. But that was confusing as hell, and I simply fell into befuddlement (followed closely by some mint-choco-chip ice cream.) Then today, I was cogitating on this whole thing, and all I could think about was Mint Chocochip ice cream, of which I have none. Final analysis: it is not wise to rely on astrology to make decisions for you, especially when the magic 8-ball is so close at hand. You won't need divinity this month, because you'll have good astro-luck! May has some well-placed planets in your House Of Working For The Man, and you'll be happily surprised by some work-related stuff around the full moon mid-month. Much cause for happiness and ice cream.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
Boy am I glad I wasn't born under a sign that involves scales of any kind. Especially since as soon as I finish these damn hor-o-scopes I plan to eat my way into a lunchtime food coma. Apropos, though, that you're the sign of scales. I know you're aware that deep inside most people there is a scale of usefulness which they use to rank others. You keep your personal ranking system well hidden in the folds of your good nature, but you'd be wise to dust it off and do some serious selfish evaluating of your own. Someone will come to you bearing gifts this month -- decide what it's worth to you before accepting. Tape a $20 bill to your tummy and yell "hot property!" if necessary. Or! Feel free to join me in the food court, once I take care of the Scorps, Sags and Cappies May forecast. Sound good?
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
Drink lots of water. Eat many vegetables (Cheetoes, while orange and somewhat carrot-stick-ish, do not count as one of the five essential servings.) Limit salt intake. Blah blah blah. None of this will do you a damn bit of good when you’re reckless with your personal safety. There is something going on with you and it’s compelling you to throw caution to the wind. The next 30 days are like a field of hidden landmines if you don’t start taking care and walking slow. Caution is your watchword. Wear your seatbelt. Wear a condom. Wear sunscreen. Wear panties with a cotton lining. The best advice my mom ever gave me was "Keep your panties on!" and that goes doubly well for Scorpios this month. You'll have more opportunity than usual to get into a pickle, so keep your eyes open for well-lit emergency exits. Oh. Pickles! mmmm.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Snobbery! There is snobbery in your midst, I can just sense it. Contrary to popular belief, snobbery is not some exhibit of the age-old class struggle or an external show of good taste vs. bad taste. No. Snobbery is just simple insecurity. It’s a way for someone to act superior when deep down they’re just a loathsome inner child with a bedwetting problem. So, shrug off the snot - uh, I mean snob - in your midst and use your excellent sense of humor to de-mystify the situation. Rather than try to engage in a pissing match with a bedwetter, simply remove yourself from contention by rising above the occasion. If any sign in the hiz-ouse can do it, it's you, Sag, the finest example of diplomacy and good taste. Good taste. I am so hungry I could gnaw my own arm off right now. Tasty!
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Summer is the season of freckles, sand, sun and blazing hot romantic romps. Well, that’s what Cosmo says, anyway. I read the summer edition of Cosmopolitan magazine every summer, cover to cover, and I think to myself, “Who do they write this stuff for?” But then I was drawing up your stars for May...and June... and even July (!!!) and all those “Shocking Sexy Summer Stories” are about you! You’re a regular little love machine. When you walk, are you accompanied by the faint sound of “Foxy Lady” playing in the background? Do you find folks ready to fling off their clothes at a moment's notice? No? Not yet? Well, as we get through the first week of May, and through to the full-moon at mid-month, your House Of Super Studly heats up and you are like a one-girl pheromone pit this summer. All I can say is… woohoo! And if you haven’t discovered your power already, well, now you know. Care to share? Perhaps over lunch? And cake? Because that's where I'm off to! Bon apetit!
Posted by laurie at May 1, 2006 12:36 PM
Comments
oh good, you're a fellow cancer! i'm moving from Up North to Down South in three weeks. i need all the help and goodstuff i can get. and i make a mean chocolate cake.
Posted by: caroline m. at May 1, 2006 12:42 PM
Here's a gemini who doesn't want perma-pms that's for sure.
we gemini's certainly have our share of angst don't we Laurie??!!
Happy Birthday this month... this will be my last year "under the hill"(5/28)
Chocolate cake...hmmm. wonder if I have a cake mix... that made me hungry for chocolate cake.
Huggs to you and the menagerie!!...
Posted by: Cheryl at May 1, 2006 12:50 PM
Are you sure about that cheetos thing, and wouldn't you know it, you gave me and significant other (Aries) a problematic month. Boo. I guess I best watch the money flow.
Cheetos however, are totally still in the budget.
Posted by: christine at May 1, 2006 12:51 PM
"the finest example of diplomacy and good taste".
Me? Diplomatic?!? HA! That can't be right! Maybe my sisters telling me I was adopted when I was little was TRUE after all ... and my "parents" just randomly selected my birthdate because they didn't know my real one and so I'm not REALLY a Sag after all. Hmmmmmmm. There may be something to this ..... (*wanders off to ponder navel*)
Posted by: Kat at May 1, 2006 12:52 PM
Hey, you know what? I dated this guy really casually for a couple of weeks, then he stopped returning my calls. I was less dignified and left him a couple of voicemails and then gave up. A couple of weeks later still, he called me back. Turns out he crashed his plane (he's a pilot) and his cell phone got melted. He had just received his new one that day and called me from the Burn Unit, where he had been since the crash.
So. Weirdness. He got better. We broke up eventually, but the moral of the story is ... sometimes there's a good excuse and calling once and leaving a VM is only a tiny loss of dignity.
Posted by: Katherine at May 1, 2006 12:54 PM
Hey! We Aquarians are always hope some mysterious somebody will just pop up. How thrilling that this would the month for a blast from the past! I need a little spicing up! :)
Posted by: Kristy at May 1, 2006 12:55 PM
Finally a decent month for Cancer. I guess this means I should jump on those job applications.
Also I feel you on the low blood sugar thing. The cafe in my building is closed today -- I think as a result of the protests.
Posted by: Dagny at May 1, 2006 12:56 PM
Heh! You said Uranus. Heh, heh.
Posted by: Kat at May 1, 2006 12:58 PM
I just ate some chocolate cake - frozen chocolate cake...yum!!! And I made it and froze it all myself...none of that sara lee crap for me!!
Hey if anyone needs cake in a hurry - my sister just gave me this amazing recipe - you take a cake mix, a can of soda and 2 egg whites and just mix it together with a spoon (no mixer mess - yeah!!) and bake like usual. It was fabulous (see above - frozen cake).
Love the horoscopes - waiting to see who from my past will be popping up - if no one does, I'll just go to chuck e. cheese!!
You are the best -
Thanks for all the laughs!
Posted by: Veggie at May 1, 2006 01:03 PM
Ha! Leave it to a "veggie" to add soda (aka liquid sugar) to cake mix.
Posted by: Imaginarymaggie at May 1, 2006 01:09 PM
Happy Birthday to your mom!!
Its my mare's birthday today too! She is 26 years old and I daresay she is expecting quite a lot carrots today...
Posted by: marcia at May 1, 2006 01:11 PM
Yay, it's Hor-o-Scope time - and, apparently, time for a wee visit to Chuck E. Cheese. Gads, I haven't been there since my 8th birthday party. Nostalgia rocks! ;)
Posted by: Samantha at May 1, 2006 01:11 PM
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Cake.
And Chuck E.'s pizza. I hate going, so I always make sure the Jman and wee Monkegurrl bring home some for me. I hear there are several CEC's that serve BEER AND WINE. If you ever want to meet there, I'm on!
Posted by: Monkeygurrl at May 1, 2006 01:22 PM
It's Afsheen's birthday, too! Cake for everybody!!!!
Posted by: Gwen at May 1, 2006 01:24 PM
I think your prediction are correct. May is also my birth month and I do see cake in the very near future.
And some Roxy flip flops would be nice as well.
Posted by: Jennifer at May 1, 2006 01:24 PM
When I found out that the LAFD has its very own blog, I thought of you! Now you will have all sorts of information about fires, disease outbreaks, and all things LA at your fingertips.
http://lafd.blogspot.com/
Posted by: silverarrowknits at May 1, 2006 01:27 PM
Huh. I just read the Cancer predilication. When you say more UFOs are attracted to Cancers, of COURSE I thought "un finished objects". DUH.
Posted by: Monkeygurrl at May 1, 2006 01:28 PM
I'm a Gemini with path and automobile problems. But, I am heading your advice and am planning a party. You're invited! Maybe after the big ole write-up Annie gave Minnesota you'll even think about making the trip to my party. I promise you won't have to wear a swim suit AND I'll make the cake.
Love the Horoscopes - can't tell you just how ON they are every month - totally wild!
Posted by: cursingmama at May 1, 2006 01:39 PM
Let's not rag on the "veggie" (I'm not even a veggie - it's a nickname for a different reason!)
I agree with that - soda is liquid sugar - but hey, who said cake is healthy!! Actually I prefer it with club soda - sugared soda makes it too sweet!
All things in moderation! Long live cake!
Posted by: Veggie at May 1, 2006 01:42 PM
Oh, what a relief! Saturn is finally out of Uranus...let's have cake!!
Posted by: ~drew emborsky~ at May 1, 2006 01:55 PM
I'm glad you declared it a good month for us crabby moon children. Now if only I could see the aliens that I work with get their come-uppance.
Posted by: Nancy at May 1, 2006 01:55 PM
Wow...amazing. Who knew?
Posted by: wendy at May 1, 2006 02:02 PM
Happy birthday to your mom, and happy month o' cake to you. :)
Posted by: The Trista at May 1, 2006 02:11 PM
Happy birthday to your mum. I hope this month is better for you and Roy.
Posted by: Martigny at May 1, 2006 02:17 PM
OohOohOOOH!! Time for a Road! Trip!! 'cuz Laurie said so!! Goldfish crackers are ok, but I kind of want in on that cake thing, 'k?
Travelin'PiscesDebR
Posted by: DebR at May 1, 2006 02:18 PM
"More UFOs appear to Cancerians than to any other sign in the zodiac. "
And right away, she looks at the knitting UFOs and agrees...
Posted by: beadslut at May 1, 2006 02:24 PM
hehehehe... I hadn't thought of the knitting connotation to UFO when I wrote that! I blame lack of cake ;)
Posted by: laurie at May 1, 2006 02:30 PM
You won't need divinity this month, because you'll have good astro-luck! May has some well-placed planets in your House Of Working For The Man, and you'll be happily surprised by some work-related stuff around the full moon mid-month. Much cause for happiness and ice cream.
Hmm...I'll take any cause for ice cream I can get! Being a Virgo, I always end up with the most boring horoscopes ever...but nothing is that boring with Mint-chip ice cream!! (Who needs cake?)
Posted by: Tami at May 1, 2006 02:46 PM
Southern Libran here toasting you and your mom with a good ole crappy bakery cupcake -- white, of course -- the one with the absolute least possibility of having anything wholesome about it.
Cheers!
Posted by: Suzanne at May 1, 2006 02:53 PM
God I love birthday cake. And I love reading horoscopes written by a sister crab. May will be a good month! Oh yes it will!
Posted by: sarah at May 1, 2006 02:58 PM
We have been seriously lobbying my folks to come look after the kids for Memorial Day weekend. Hi, folks! Bye, folks! See you in a few months... I mean weeks... I mean Monday!
How'd you know?
Posted by: Lucia at May 1, 2006 02:59 PM
OH
MY
GOD
I had given up on horoscope reading because, as a Capricorn, I always seem to have an exciting business meeting coming up while everyone else gets secret admirers and trysts.
I like your version of Capricorn much better.
Posted by: rb at May 1, 2006 03:14 PM
i'm a capricorn too! can't wait for the steamy season ahead!
Posted by: gray la gran at May 1, 2006 03:39 PM
Er, uh - I'm confused. (That kind of sums up me personally the past few months, and not just the topic of this month's scope...) $20 bill? On my tummy? Do I have to do crunches first? Do I wear it all month (except in the shower, of course)? Do I peel it off my stomach when I meet you in the food court, 'cause nachos or bad chinese sounds really good right now...
Posted by: Petra at May 1, 2006 03:55 PM
Perhaps the "UFOs" we Cancers are prone to seeing are our own Un-Finished Objects? (See -- astrology for knitters!) :-)
Posted by: Mary in Virginia at May 1, 2006 04:01 PM
i'm a capricorn too! can't wait for the steamy season ahead!
Posted by: gray la gran at May 1, 2006 04:02 PM
i'm a Leo and your reading sounds like a useful advice. what's your number or you only do emails for internet stalkers? :D
thx
Posted by: treespotter at May 1, 2006 04:07 PM
You know, today being my anniversary and reading my Leo horoscope, doesn't make me feel too confident.
I'm just saying is all.
:)
Posted by: Micky at May 1, 2006 04:24 PM
Laurie dear, are you a virgo too? I swear...your description of how the forecast never just fits is EXACTLY what I always think! Having a Sept. 19th birthday will do that too ya huh?
Linda
Posted by: Linda at May 1, 2006 04:48 PM
I'm behind on my blog reading and just read about the man who never called. It happened to me once or twice when I was single. My husband has told me that once he dated a woman several times, liked her, then thought "this isn't what I want but she's so nice I don't want to hurt her" and never called again. He admits he was a chicken and didn't know what to say to her so he took the easy way out. I'm sure that by now she's living a perfectly happy life and doesn't even remember him...but from time to time (especailly now that he's the father of a daughter) he thinks about the whole thing and feels like shit. I remind him the feeling like shit part proves he's human. Jane
Posted by: jane at May 1, 2006 05:03 PM
Cake is one of my favorite things ever. EVER. That's why I love making it - it's always well-received.
Happy Birthday to your Mom! Talk about a reason to have cake...as if you ever really need one, you know?
Love your take on the Capricorn horoscope. I've been down (guy stuff - blech), so that has cheered me right up. Thanks!
Posted by: Catherine at May 1, 2006 05:14 PM
CAKE!! And my Leo forecast is freakishly on target. Plenty of cake for thought.
Posted by: tea bee at May 1, 2006 05:17 PM
OMG. Those horror-scopes are priceless! Does coconut cream pie count as being at least cake-like? 'Cause that's what I'm having for supper tonight.
Posted by: Fee at May 1, 2006 05:38 PM
Hmm... THAT's what's going on! I'm a scorpio and rather against my will I spent much of the afternoon contemplating the fact that guy-from-my-work-who-has-repeatedly-suggested-that-we-get-together-in-spite-of-the- fact-that-he-lives-with-his-girlfriend (not his real name) told me that they had a huge fight today and he's thinking seriously about moving out. DANGER. It's right there in my Hor-O-Scope!!
Posted by: lori at May 1, 2006 05:50 PM
Pisces is me! But I just came back from a lusty weekend away. does that matter? Maybe I can squeeze in another - oh life is so sweet being a fish!!
mia
Posted by: Mia at May 1, 2006 05:55 PM
okay, this subject is so old, and maybe you've seen this a million times by now, but, have you SEEN this??
http://www.mysquarewatermelon.com/ebook.html
Hysterical!
Posted by: Petra at May 1, 2006 06:02 PM
I'm a Taurus with two pairs of socks on the needles and am seriously overdue to start running again. So, kudos.
Posted by: Anne at May 1, 2006 06:35 PM
Methinks I know exactly where the "snobbery" will come from this month but I'll keep it quiet for now.
Posted by: Kim at May 1, 2006 08:40 PM
Laurie, I hope your Virgo forecast is right. I'm applying for jobs and I should hear about some of them around mid-month. And if I get one then, I will go and eat an entire pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream in your honor. Blue Bell mint chocolate chip!!! I thought I would be Blue Bell-less when I moved from Texas to Kansas but they've *just* started distributing it here! I will send you the thought of Blue Bell mint chocolate chip, because I don't think I can mail you an actual container of it. And I do like ice cream a lot better than cake, so you totally called it for this Virgo.
And bacon for Roy!
baconbaconbacon
Posted by: sunflower at May 1, 2006 10:00 PM
I'm an Aquarius, and I'm totally up for Chuck E Cheese. In fact, I was just there for a birthday last month. And there was cake.
Oh, hey, and a friend from Library School I haven't talked to in two years emailed me out of the blue recently. Freeeeeeaky.
Posted by: Beth at May 1, 2006 10:28 PM
Laurie,
OMG! I'm with Petra (Hi libra!) I love your horrorscopes and now, i'm going to sound like a dork.. but.. Can you please give another version of Libra for the month? With small words. in big print. and can you type it slowly? because i don't seem to understand. 20.00 to my belly? What?
Gifts. i never get gifts. Should i be turning them down if i do? THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!! *hyperventilating* ... i think i'm going to spend the month in bed. HELP! Please?
Posted by: southernwench at May 2, 2006 05:47 AM
How DID YOU KNOW???
I'm going on leave tomorrow??
Remind me to get Cheezits!!!
Oasis...*heh*
Posted by: haji-inna-foxhole at May 2, 2006 05:48 AM
and just when i thought i made progress on those UFO's...oh wait, you didnt mean my knitting bits - silly me.
as a fellow cancerian, i am so excited to hear we are heading into an upswing. whew, is it ever needed! :)
Posted by: stephanieayn at May 2, 2006 05:59 AM
guy-from-my-work-who-has-repeatedly-suggested-that-we-get-together-in-spite-of-the- fact-that-he-lives-with-his-girlfriend (not his real name)
Oh, Lori, I love it!
Posted by: Caroline in MA at May 2, 2006 06:35 AM
In the interests of 'actively communicating with intelligent beings' I just wanted to say that I am sorry if I offended you with my first and only other comment on your blog wherein I advised you to pee in your backyard. Now that i know we are supposed to be more, uh, impressive to the general public, I will try to keep such perverse notions to myself. I just thought it would be easier than peeing in a cup and pouring it around your planter box to deter the ants. Course, if you're real civilized, you can go buy one of those 'scents' at your local home debt supply shop. But, I digress - like we innocent and open-hearted Crabs tend to do just before we bring out THE CLAW. Hope you got some lunch.
Posted by: farm-witch at May 2, 2006 06:59 AM
You come to North Carolina at the end of the month and I'll make YOU a cake. It's my birthday and I can have my party any old way I want!
Posted by: tiff at May 2, 2006 07:56 AM
Fellow Cancer, here.
Thank G*d for the good news!
Posted by: Shelly at May 2, 2006 08:12 AM
May seriously needs to improve for me ... yesterday sucked hard and today? Shaping up to be a duplicate. So I would like to say that either my personal trifecta of planets hasn't gotten the memo yet that I am a Cancer dammit and need a good month, OR my unlucky star is following me around. Or maybe I was switched at birth and I'm a Gemini. It could happen.
Posted by: laurie at May 2, 2006 08:30 AM
I just have to tell you...silly as this sounds..ok...here goes. I am a Taurus. I read your "horrorscope" with such interest as just yesterday I signed up for a specialized "foot care course" which will allow me to go into the business of personal foot care. strange, strange strange these horrorscopes!!! love you and your blog!!
from Susanne in Edmonton, Alberta Canada
Posted by: Susanne at May 2, 2006 10:45 AM
Love the predictions. Priceless!
Posted by: abby at May 2, 2006 10:47 AM
Oh my, a scandalizingly scrumptious outlook for us Cappies! Yay!! Hubby & I are headed to Sri Lanka & the Maldives on Thursday, and we're both Cappies, so I'm thinking it's going to be one smokin' vacation. Thanks for the grins!
Helen
Posted by: Helen at May 2, 2006 11:40 AM
Laurie, thanx for the grrreat Gemini 'scope. One of my dearest sisters loves to inform me that I have "two anchors in deep space". So! Two is better than one, is it not? Well, not all the time, but . . . it is good to find more than one option in nearly all situations. I believe that is called 'choice'. And no matter what anyone tells you about keeping busy in times of love-lost, 'tis but a bandage. And time will dim it until it heals(?). Oh well! Are you ready? Here we go again!
Posted by: audie at May 2, 2006 12:44 PM
Finally! The goats get a little sex!
Posted by: Robin at May 2, 2006 04:17 PM
Cake. It's on my list. Thanks. :)
Posted by: Andrea at May 2, 2006 09:07 PM
Another libra in pain, here.
Okay, this judging people thing? I've been doing that lately - a lot, and it's bad. Okay, it's just two people, but still..And the gift? I know what it is, and why I shouldn't take it, but I want it bad! and the twenty? I don't have one.
I guess I'll go make cake.
Posted by: k at May 3, 2006 10:09 AM
Wow, this was great! I loved my gemini 'scope! When it started off with car troubles I was like..NO WAY!! Car is dead. Job is dead. Confusion sets in!! Yes, yes, yes...all of it, right on the money! I think I'll sooth it with cake. :)
Posted by: Marie at May 4, 2006 04:12 AM
Im aries and it says "its no time to kiss frogs".
I've kissed so many frogs in my life allready, but there was never a hidden prince ;)
Posted by: Mone at May 11, 2006 06:32 AM
First time here, and you're nuts! But fun!
A fellow Cancer.
I will be back... if you tell us what Mars in Cancer does, esp. those that have Uranus there, and Venus :-))
Posted by: James at May 15, 2006 12:59 PM
