oh my. what are they teaching in school?

Love those little harmless distractions, whatever their nationality!

My 8th grade English teacher was Mr. Chamberlain, a man so southern he sounded British (there is a certain type of old south accent that is almost English), anyway! He would stand up in class, one foot on a chair, raise his right hand like a black power fist (oddly enough) and say, "Lee surrendered but I never did!" It was hysterically funny.

I'm with mom.
Good luck!

"Or perhaps I could find someone on this very continent to strike up a treaty with"

I think a trip to Trader Joes is in order. That is all I am saying.

Good for you - International Relations are always fun even if only via email! Now to open that window a bit wider & live again ;)

When my ex, Cheese-Boy, left, I was devastated, so your blog rings completely true to me. So true, in fact, that today's entry about moving on and loving the new life, which was an unimaginable thing at one point? Struck choir bells for me. I'm so happy to hear that things are getting better for you.

Does his accent come through in e-mail? Get him to type "Moose and Squirrel."

I dunno about the South rising...but your day is on its way. Of that I have no doubt.

PLUS, yay for a fun distraction with someone cute and funny...hell, maybe he has a 32 year old brother with a thing for Southern blonde hotties?

Kristin... doesn't it feel like... I don't know, like you're dead inside for a while, and one day you wake up and people are interesting again? You're alive after all.

This whole thing... it's like my husband left me, and the day he walked out I got on this roller coaster that has taken me all these bizarre places and by now, all this time later, I'm just like, "Hmmm. Interesting. Now we appear to be in Crazytown. Or Guys Are Cute Again Town. Or 'I Hate People' Town. Fun! What will come next?" LOL

danger will robinson. when a man says, "i'm having a mid-life crisis" to a woman, it is code speak for "i'm not really happy and i may be ready for a nice dalliance on the side. want to dally?" which may be nice, or could be a disaster. I think you have the right idea, just be cautious (like you need to two moms, right?)

zina... he wasn't flirting, take my word for it ;)

My windows are shut, my doors are locked. Afraid, much? I feel happy though, is this normal or just normal for me? I hear crazy is the new sane.

jann,

i love it. "crazy is the new sane." it made me laugh!

Not flirting? The nerve! =)

Jann, I would say on any given day it's 50-50 that I'm padlocked shut, and still pretty happy about it. I think there's a vast spectrum of what normal is, because sometimes I'm sad, or remote, or goofy, or crying, or sane (momentarily) or knitting or... you know. It's a spectrum.

I'm writing these things down out here on the innernets mostly because I find it to be a good way to sift through the weirdness. I have no idea where it's going either. But I have been locked up tight and felt safe and happy there, too. Still do most of the time.

Mr. X may have moved on, but only on to another insignificant step in what may likely be a string of tiny, insignificant, identical steps. You, OTOH, are growing, evolving, (fill in your favorite psychobabble here), for real. From what I can see (which, admittedly, isn't very much, since I'm just a blog stalker), you are moving on as well.

Atta girl!

But you could be a willowy brunette. All you need is some Ms. Clairol or some OPH.

I agree with Cathy. Supposedly the phrase is "Women mourn, Men replace". When they replace without thinking, they end up in the same place. Unhappy.

I'm so happy that you are in a place in your life where you are starting to consider alternatives.

I had a particularly ill-timed breakup nearly four years ago, and while I've been in a happy, stable relationship for going on two and a half years (with his former best friend, actually), I take great delight in the recently acquired knowledge that he has resorted to responding to Craig's List personal ads. Schadenfreude, anyone?

But yes, by all means keep your window open. And no matter what happens, at least you're not in a rockabilly band.

Laurie,
I think safe is exactly the way I feel, too. And that's always a good feeling. When my X and I split, I knitted 21 scarves from Oct.-Dec.!
I had never knit before, but I honestly COULD NOT STOP. It was the feeling of making something when everything else was falling apart. Thanks for the purls of wisdom-hehe

Jann, I did the exact same thing. Knitting something perfect became an obsession. Ya'll don't need freud and a couch to figure that out LOL

"And no matter what happens, at least you're not in a rockabilly band." HELL YEAH.

OH, oh!

I have a similar distraction with a online guy who contacted me in my first (koff, koff, ill fated) foray into online dating. It was right after a breakup, and even though he got a girlfriend shortly thereafter and we never met in person, we still email occassionally, in little flurries, and really last summer I SO needed that as a distraction from my misery over a break up.

Just because he was JUST AS GOOD IF NOT BETTER than my ex who dumped me. The superficial parts like he was just as tall, just as athletic, just as handsome if not more so, and good bits like just as funny and even better because he was a writerly type who would not ask me what the words I used meant. I obsessed a little here and there and it just broke me out of thinking of the ex all the time.

And not thinking about exes is such a good feeling sometimes.

LOVE your blog.

Your windows are opening and I am so happy for you. I too have noticed that little spark in you.

I need to open the door and walk out. I'm just afraid my boys won't follow.

psychomom... happy belated birthday :)

amy! exactly! I love a good distraction. It keeps me from thinking too much.

my stomach just growled so loudly that the person in the next cube over heard it. whoops.

"The Russian gives me hope that there are cute, smart, nice guys still left in the world."

I bet some of them even love a house full of cats!!

Damn straight, Drew!!!

Um. Your X started a rockabilly band?

Jodi. Uh, yeah. He's so... uh, cool. Yup.

Thanks ;)

Maybe the Russian has a nice also-Russian (love the accent!) friend who likes DixieBlondes and doesn't work at White Guys in Ties, Inc.

Just a thought... :-)

"Moose and squirrel" LOL!

A year after my break up with Mr. X I got this HUGE crush on MacGyver. Yes, there he is again. At least your Russian is a Little more obtainable than a TV Hero. But that crush opened my door and allowed me to look at cute guys in the super market or in the car sitting next to me in traffic (as far as traffic goes in Small Town Michigan) and wonder if we could have a future together. It was better after that first crush.

*flinching*
don't kill me, but am i the only one who thinks rockabilly boys are HOT??! not that i actualy wanna BE rockabilly... but those jeans and tight white tshirts? yum.

(this obviously does not apply to mr. ex!)

Purlgirl...that "thinking about them" thing doesn't ever go away. Luckily, the "thinking about them being stabbed violently with a knife" thing, DOES, however, fade with time.

I've been divorced for seven years from a ratbastard who cheated on me with an online hussy (whom he now has two kids with), so I can relate, and since I'm a little further along in the process, I can tell you that days like today where you realize that the suck doesn't suck nearly as hard or as rough as it once did -- those come more and more often until you barely even notice Teh Suckage until you poke the closed-over wound with a stick.

Hang in there. And a little bit of Russian's all good, too. :)

never say never. I met my husband on the very first day of my job a few years ago. We started dating soon thereafter, he proposed 3 months later and married a year later. My boss fired me for dating him even though there was no policy against it (scandalous). That was 3 years ago and we look back on it and laugh! We spend the majority of our time at work so why not find love there too? Just goes to show you never know where love will find you. Take care Laurie - baby steps add up!

"crazy is the new sane"...phew!! thank God. I was worried about me for a while...nice to know I am actually sane...

this makes me sad for rockabilly bands everywhere.

but happy for you! open windows are great! mmmm breezy.

And just what's wrong with being in a Rockabilly band, I ask you? ;-)

Laurie, I know the most awesome guy in Tucson: maybe an interstate alliance could be the first step before something transatlantic? He's got great friends...!

kendra!! heh heh, you going to snb tomorrow??

Oh ya'll the rockabilly thing ... So! Picture a guy who is like... um. Bill Gates. Only with no millions. And he's not THE Bill Gates. And he dumps his wife, grows a goatee, gets blonde highlights and starts a rockabilly band. Are you getting the picture now?

and isn't it a DELICIOUS picture? LOL

CAP, I was so worried about some layoffs at my company recently ... rumor had it a certain group was being axed, and that group contained my office eye-candy! I never speak with him, we don't interact at all, but I love seeing him in the hallways and the office. Yum. Luckily for me, he wasn't part of the layoff. Yay! Office Eye Candy every day!

"...and start a rockabilly band"

My first time comment and it's an "uh-oh".

Oh behalf of rockabilly girls everywhere, I would like to say: Sorry. Er. What band would that be, I wonder?

And to Imaginarymaggie, no, you are definitely not alone. Mmm-mmm. Rockabilly boys.

What did I tell you - ya see, you expelled some of that negetaive hurtful energy in Paris (and once it's gone, it's gone, can't come back) and in it's place you've found some window opening happy energy! I'm very happy for you! And thanks for sharing your happy energy with others - it is contagious! :)

Laurie, WHY aren't you getting your butt back to Trader Joe's?
It's Spring.. everyone "opens their windows" in Spring.. they open their doors too.. but USE the "screen doors" you don't want flies to get in.. HAHAH cracking myself up... get to Trader Joe's.. comb your hair, lip stick too.. what's the saying..."flies, honey..." HAHA flies again

Laurie,

First time commenter here. It took me double the time to get over Exfromhell than what we were together.

I still hope his fi-fi-rin falls off one of these days, but that's just me having a good night's dream.

Open windows are the best!

i love work crushes. it makes going to work so much more interesting.

i don't have a work crush now (and i know i'm married but i can still have a harmless work crush). work totally sucks.

And for everyone, like me, living under a rock (not a rockabilly boy):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rockabilly

Hmm.......sounds like a few diplomatic missions are in order. Better yet, beat the French girl at her own game - you're a DixieBlonde, y'all are good at being flirty, coquettish, etc., right? Well, then, you have the technology! French girls are just Dixie chicks with a little extra pouty insouciance.

I say a return to TJ's should be your first diplomatic envoy. Then a little rapprochement with The Russian - find out if he has a Cute Russian Friend. I assure you, from that point forward diplomatic relations will warm up in a big way. ;)

CAP, I met my wife at the office, we've been married 13+ years, don't be afraid of dating someone at work ...

Oh GOD... What is it with us and our attraction to Eurotrash & accents... :-) So been there chicka.

I've heard that a Dixie-twang is actually really desirable in England of all places--apparently they like how it sounds close to Britspeak but weird.

yes i will be there. and you better be too!

i will be wearing my orthodics, which you can meet.

they're very sexy, so please, stay back.

Laurie, lots of great pieces of advice above mine. Even a crack in the window will let in some fresh air, after all, right? And just find a really cute foreign guy. My ideal guy was going to be tall, cute, science/math brainiac ('cuz I'm not), fair coloring (similar to mine)and probably eurotrash. Instead, I got tall, cute, science/math brainiac, dark and from South America (Ecuador, to be exact). Well, close enough! And he was the REBOUND guy. We've been married for 7 years next month, together for about 9 1/2. And I was swearing off guys after that bastard who came before my husband. I still think of Bastard now and again, and realize that I'm definitely better off without him. This is not to say that DH has been always a prince, but he's a HUGE improvement, and yes, there are some nice, cute, intelligent, funny, sweet guys out there. They are just far and few between sometimes, so it's like going through a sale rack at TJ Maxx...somewhere in there, there's a treasure, you just have to search through all of them, once you know what you are looking for, or at least know how to recognize it.

I'm not at all surprised to hear that you love your new life...there is a LOT of joy in this blog. A tremendous amount of joy, and friendship, and shall I mention humor? And beautiful kitties? You may have your wistful days, and your vaguely bitter days, but that just makes you human. (Speaking as a fellow Southerner: the vengeful days make you Southern. Ha!) Your faithful readers can tell that you love your new life. Rock on, Laurie!

Being in a rockabilly band in your 20's which continues into your early 30's is one thing. STARTING a rockabilly band in your 40's, when you clearly look nothing like Lee Rocker or any other rockabilly types is just sad. And the earring? Why do they do that? Harrison Ford did it. My brother-in-law did it. It's ridiculous. Blonde highlights? Is he gay?

Flirt shamelessly, and harmlessly, with the Russian and keep your eyes peeled for your own accented fella.

What you need is to read "The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love". Not only is it hilarious and very southern, but their chapter on getting over a man is wonderful.

There is a Los Angeles chapter of the Sweet Potato Queens. I think it would suit you down to the ground.

http://www.sweetpotatoqueens.com/spq/

http://maxvps007.maximumasp.com/v007u09vul/spq/miva/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=QC&Product_Code=SPQBOL&Category_Code=BOOK

Yeah, ur, um Rockabilly. Oh Purlette, you are SO LUCKY YOU GOT AWAY WHEN YOU DID!!!!

I like rockabilly quite a bit. Played it a lot on my rdaio show. Hung out with a bunch of rockabilly musicians. But y'know, there's good stuff and LAME stuff. There is Link Wray, and then there are middle aged Bill Gates types. Ouch. Painful. Just think how emabarassed you would be if you were still with him and had to go to his gigs with him. That is, if he even gets gigs. Meow Meow. Where is my saucer of milk??

Great post!

I love your imagery. Back here in the Mistake on the Lake (Cleveland so. does. not. rock. despite Drew Carey telling you otherwise.) we're currently relating to the whole "letting another human being in" with Labor Relations Terms, and right now we've decided we're on strike.

And, I agree: It's never a good idea to sh*t where you eat, if you take my meaning. Keep it very vanilla, or positions at White Guys in Ties, Inc. could be outsourced from Russia, without the Love.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

You go, girl!

Crushes are good for you. I work with a bunch of techie nerds who invented the look of white socks and birkenstocks so I don't have any here.

no no no... TRUST Me. The French men will SCARE you. And they have no ass (it is a genetic thing)

Stick with Russian or other nationalities. And keep moving on because you having hope spreads hope!

BTW, he hasn't moved on---he's just delusional. I hope someday she dumps him for the loser he is!

Laurie - you are making great progress! Now...I agree with some of the other posters before me...you totally have to go back to TJ's! We're all rooting for you.

Crushes are a great way to distract yourself from a broken heart. My big one after my evil ex-husband and I split was the sexy hot elf Legolas from Lord Of The Rings. I used to imagine him shooting my ex-husband with his bow and arrow.
I wouldn't admit this if it wasn't anonymous.

Another enthusiastic vote for work crushes! Even us old dried-up married ladies enjoy a little eye candy, and if I have a few, um, interesting dreams then that's nobody else's damned business.

Work cute chat is practice for more purposeful badinage (I told you I was old!) If the first time you talked flirty was in Trader Joe's and you found out then that you should have practiced, well, what then?

Love the Site,

Rasputin for Life...

http://www.thevelvethottub.com
http://www.velvethottub.com

Dude, when I saw your title today I thought, is this a Sex and the City episode? Though that Russian was a jerk.

the work crush is key - I unfortunately work in an office with only one other person and he's gay -(nice as he is, we discuss shoes) - I do not crush on him (he's old enough to be my dad) but I do crush fiercely on the Fed-Ex guy - who is very enjoyable and also has an accent of some undistinguishable european variety - yum, yum...

I am very jealous of your southern accent and think that it's probably very sassy - I have a run-of-the-mill Canadian accent but sometimes waltz around my kitchen when no one is home and pretend that I'm Scarlett O'Hara - the cat loves it!

Isn't it nice to finally be able to look at other guys and think, hey, he's pretty cute... I'm getting to that point too, and it does feel like a breath of fresh air. :) Even though the thought of actually dating any of them is still scary, it's a step in the right direction.

Laurie, you've probably already seen it, but if by some mischance not, run, do not walk, to your neighborhood video store and rent "A Fish Called Wanda." As long as we're on Russian accents here.

Miss Manners says that the essence of good flirtation is that no one, not even the flirters, knows if it has anything to do with reality. So have fun, and enjoy the breeze.

Stinkerbell mentions that French men have no ass... which I cannot speak for personally, but it reminds me of something I've noticed over the course of my 20-year obsession with Englishmen. I tend to develop crushes on totally unattainable Englishmen. The accent! The manners! The casual swearing! The total adorable package! Including...the round butt. I have noticed that English guys tend to have round bottoms. Not in a huge way, just in a sort of... round way. As if you needed an excuse to check out Orlando Bloom's bottom...I'm just sayin. Have a look. It's true!

You have totally opened some kind of window, I love it! Mojo all over the place these days.

Laurie! What's the matter with you?? Southern accents are HOT. If you like this guy do what it takes - smile at him, tell him you love his hair, touch his arm while you talk to him, and when no one is looking, plant one on him! What's his number? I'll call him and get the ball rolling.

must.shave.goatee
must.burn.rockabilly.cd's

thats all i'm sayin....

so maybe it's time for the story about the hot frenchman you were cheek to cheek with in france? hmm? we're waiting!!

Oh, man -- Russian accents are so damn sexy, like Misha in Sex and the City. Or Misha in "White Nights" (or was it "Knights"?). Or Misha in any ballet he ever danced in, (of course, the tights helped there). Yum.

Rockabilly? Seriously? Talk about LOSER, with a capital LOSER.

since it's sort of kind of topical sort of, i will only say that a man's previous partners -- or, sure, current partners -- aren't *always* an indicator of what his future partner will look like.

you know.

Just enjoy knowing that what Mr. X did to you, he will do to the next one and the next one and the next one.

I'm a freelancer, practically a hermit, and workplace crushes are the only thing I miss about office life. (Well, except for the occasional donut and the closet full of free pens.)
Sometimes I almost feel a twinge of attraction for the Fed Ex guy, but I'm fooling myself. Truthfully, he looks like Mr. Clean, complete w/gold earring. It's tragic, really.

So appreciate your Russian while you can.

Don't worry about Mr Russia - apparently Russian men "Zay are totally hopeless and very lazee, all zey doo is drink zer wodka", according to my friend Galina!
Personally I have found Italian guys too self-absorbed, English guys too pasty-skinned and smelly, American guys too full of themselves and overbearing, French guys too feminine, South African guys too boring and traditional, so I have come back home - let me tell you if I haven't already - THE AUSSIE MALE is a lovely beast. He made need a little taming but is you put in the work you can have them house-trained in no time at all!
So come DownUnder baby!
Mia

Mia - are you KIDDING about Aussie males? By jingo, by dingo that "little taming" will be the death of you! Aussie males (generalising here) are endearing but king of the male chauvanists... then again maybe I have just had a bad run...

PS Laurie I love your blog, its my new favourite thing; have been only a vouyeur till now when jolted out of my vicariousness by mias post. Have a great Easter, although I understand you guys dont get a 4 day weekend like we Aussies do?

Laurie, I am with Amanda on the Aussie males. Loads of fun for an evening out but beyond that? Dios mio. I spent a summer in London hanging out with SA's, Aussies, and Kiwis. All I remember of the Aussies was their suggestion of naked wheelbarrow races -- uh, NOT. But those Kiwis? I am still planning a trip to those islands...

I highly recommend the book "I still miss him, but my aim is improving!". It is hilarious and it helps so much because you are laughing at the suggestions for revenge and the multiple choice quizzes in there. The author really does not advocate breaking the law, because the money spent on lawyers and court costs would be better spent to buy a fanastic new wardobe for yourself!

Who says Southern Men aren't HOT? Have you seen Matthew McConuaghey, especially in that new movie Failure to Launch, "I'm just saying"

haji-o-funny, you always crack me up <:)

Oh lordy. Are you kidding me? You know he still wakes up every day thinking about you. And what happened.

Those little crushes make the world go round, don't they?

I had a Russian distraction for a while. All I can say is yum! And I would do it again. Especially if it built up nice and slowly in that unattainable, we work together, you're (momentarily) attached, but there's still hope sort of way. When that finally gets round to happening, there'll be so much energy involved that it will be good. If only good for now.

And I'm seconding the notion that current partners are not an indicator of who someone may be attracted to. Come on, how many times have we all dated someone outside our usual physical preferences. What's to say he doesn't crave southern blondes? (While we're on this, loved your thoughts on the chubby trophy wife a few posts ago. Unite!)

I just discovered this blog and I swear to God, if you lived in Kansas City, I would stalk you until you became my friend. My ex-boyfriend left me and started a rockabilly band and is now getting married while I still am celibate. So unfair that he has moved on and I am stuck! And oh my God, Craigslist is the SCARIEST place to look at personals (but also the funniest). Anyway, I just felt compelled to tell you that I think you're awesome. Can't wait to see Angelica Houston!

Halleujah fo detente. Darlin' you deserve and totally enjoy this diversion. Mr. X didn't move on - he was never hooked up!!!!!

Just wanted you to know that I'm waiting to buy your book. Really! You have a talent for writing, Laurie. So start writing! And if you don't have a pen, I'll send you one. :)

Like your blog.
Shirl from Nova scotia, Canada

Enjoy your blog. Come to Canada so you can wear all those scarves you are knitting. We knit here from Oct-April with our cats in front of the fire.:)