Love the traffic reports. Hee. Two hours to get to work? No thank you. I hate having to drive 25 minutes.

How be the kitties?

Dear God, I love ya, CAP, but I am so thankful I do not live in LA! This does not mean Oregon is the be all end all, because that is NOT the case. But I am spoiled by easy traffic even if I do commute for $12 an hour.

I LOVE IT!!! I wish our traffic reports were that much fun! No Gnomes though... :)

Your bus forgot you? Holy moly! How long did you wait? Did you feel like a fourth grader whose mom did not show up? Oh, wait that's me ;-) I wonder what happened to the bus and why no back up bus. Hmmmm....

Glad you finally made it, I might have taken it as a sign. Stayed home, waxed my legs or something.

We all waited for the bus for like 20 minutes and of course everyone was calling the bus company and complaining... they said they'd send a backup bus, but it would be a while because it was coming from Van Nuys. I didn't want to wait another half hour for the bus, so I drove in.

This happens surprisingly more often than one would imagine. And sometimes, the bus even catches on fire LOL

Your bus companies "senility" reminds me of why I do not utilize the public transportation here in the OC, and I could ride for free. I laugh at bumper stickers, license plate frames and imagine scenarios when listening to traffic reports too. One of my all time favorite license plate holders: would your driving be any better with that cell phone up your ass?

You can switch jobs and go into broadcasting, as long as you keep blogging about it! ;-)

I was in L.A. last year for work and THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I had a rental car with "NeverLost" so I could tell it to "avoid highways". It worked like a champ until I got downtown with all the tall buildings blocking the satellites, and then it started telling me to turn where there are no streets. Scary.

Holy s%^*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't live across the pond, but our gas prices haven't hit three dollars. *Yet*. I haven't gone out to fill-up today . . . I'll have to imbibe a little and then have a designated driver take me to the gas station!

I guess the drivers in CA have not found the little "testicle sack" to hang off of their bumpers. Or do they just have more class than the drivers here?! BTW, our AM traffic girl is pregnant and not coming back from maternity leave. I think you should apply for the job!

Now that's a broadcast I'd tune in for.

i'm looking at scooters tomorrow. they get fabulous milage, although one might choke on freeway fumes in LA. here in orygun, it's not so bad.

happy friday! send more kitty pix.

That gas price picture? is from the same ghetto gas station where I filled up one week ago for $3.03 a gallon. Now that $3.27 is the cheapest gas around my hood.

I don't even live in LA, but DOOD I would so listen to your traffic reports.

Dude! Your traffic reports would be a HUGE hit!!! HUGE, I tell ya!!!

I totally get what you're saying about putting a sticker on a multi-thousand $ purchase. My hubby won't even stick a work parking permit on our Mini, let alone a bumper sticker that would probably get us keyed.

Do you ever worry about someone objecting to you photographing their car? I'd be paranoid that someone would get gridlock rage.

And I almost cried the other night when I paid $3.15 a gallon. Thankfully I no longer drive to work; I get the pleasure of a 20 minute walk. Also love that last sticker. I see that one a lot here in Berkeley -- go figure.

You know who always had the cheapest gas in the Lake Balboa area. The Mobil off of Hayvenhurst and Victory. It was always muy cheapo. Although, this was like 7 yrs ago.

That picture reminded me about the whole sad 76 ball removal thing... http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4735280.stm (I love that the best article I can find on this bit of American iconography is on BBC...and hey, where did they take that picture, I want $2.69 gas!)

Sounds like our traffic reports here in the Bay Area. We have bridges here too, don't forget. OY!

Apparently there is cheaper gas at Reseda/Sherman Way but that gas station skeeves me out, I always feel like I'm about to be carjacked.

Ellen mentioned last week that the 76 ball is going the way of the wooly mammoth... extinct... now, that is sad!

"1HOT-ONE" on fire... good thing it's just me here alone with the baby. I'm still giggling... When you change careers, make sure your new station streams on the Internets, so we here in Boston can hear you!

Oh, GOD! I totally love it. THAT'S the kind of traffic report I need to hear. Don't tell me the DVP is "moving slower than usual" - that effing highway is ALWAYS moving at the speed of snail. Tell me something useful. Tell me WHY I'm sitting in traffic. Tell me who I can throw things at when I get to the accident site.

You should collect addresses for your local radio stations and have us petition for your broadcast debut.

Love the wacky traffic. Reminds me of LA Story's weather reports.

Hey, I see you have another ad! Woo-hoo! Do you get extra $$ each time we click? Cause on Fridays, I pretty much do nothing at work & could totally help you out with the clickage.

I actually miss the traffic in California. Isn't that sick? I used to love to read bumper stickers when I was stuck on the 91. :)

Could you PLEASE come live here and do our traffic reports? You just crack me up.

Traffic was one of the reasons I left the L.A. area. I do not miss the 405 at all. My drive is HWY 101 on the central coast. Although it is getting more and more congested each year, but still nothing like L.A. traffic. The worst thing about sitting in L.A. traffic was having to pee really bad in traffic that was not moving. I cried it hurt so bad.

I saw a stand-up comedian do a bit where he said, "Bumper stickers say lots of things. Like, 'Hey, let's never hang out.'" Ha! HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Did you hear...that Oregan and New Jersey are trying to pass laws that lift their bans on self-serve gas stations so their prices would drop?

They still have people come out and "fill her up"? That is so cool...I'd totally pay an extra 5 cents a gallon. Especially if they check my oil. Scrape my bugs. Tip their hats...

Undiscovered talent? Oh my sainted Auntie Margret, yes you have. What about knitting at the red lights though? More productive than using the cellphone and twice as dangerous.

What I really want to know is why do people put stuffed animals in their cars? Did it evolve from that damn Garfield window craze of the 80s?

"Hey you, Infinity driver. Wanna grab a dink, I think that tiger on your back deck/dashboard is kinda hot. Roar."

This could be a whole new way out of spinsterdom, except I wouldn't want to date a guy who kept stuffed animals in his car.

The buses here in Minnesota aren't any better - I can't get one that goes anywhere near my house to go anywhere near where I work - and the same goes for sending the big kid to high school.
I bet your bus didn't show up because the gas was so much they could only run 1/2 the buses today.

And apparently on Monday when there are mass demonstrations/protests/etc., there will be no service or limited service. I'm trying to rock the "work from home" angle, but it's not flying here at WGIT, Inc.

3.29 for regular here on Lawn Guyland today - bleh! Particularly happy to work from home these days.

LOVE that last sticker (I actually have the tshirt).

Where were you a few weeks ago? They just replaced David Lee Roth with Opie and Anthony (but I already get them on my XM radio) You could have had the morning drive slot which woudl have been perfect for traffic in NY!

L.A. whew!! Don't think I could do it. You bring up a very good point about bumper stickers. I live in the republicanized territory of Idaho. I would love to tell my true polictics, but for sure so @%*hole would key my car. For now I have my choco cat stickers to set me aside from the pack.

loved your traffic reports too!

Laurie, what is public transportation? I vaguely remember that before I moved to the hinterlands... Thank you for sharing the license plates and messages of your fellow commuters!

HA! That would make the traffic a little more bearable. Of course, here in the heart of TN you get to add to the traffic report blurbs like the following: Some redneck in a pickup truck who decided to move his crap across town without tying any of it down has left us with two lanes on I-40 blocked by his ratty ole sofa and a pile of wood that looks like it used to be a kitchen table and chairs. Maybe y'all can get some free firewood outta the deal.

I have personally had to dodge sofas blocking my lane at least three times on our interstates.

Here in NC our traffic reports would almost always involve a stray cow, and maybe a chicken or two, in the highway, causing some tourist to stop with a zoom lense to take pictures of the cows nose hairs...

Attention! Do not go into broadcasting. I've been there and done that and SYDNEY (DR Dirt) is still dealing wuth my trauma of 7 years in radio.

Please, please, if you want to remain sane and have no trauma, run as far away as you can from those broadcasting towers.

Even after 25 years, when I go into a new town, I still look for the radio station towers, it's a SICKNESS! Help me PLEASE!

Now back to our regularly scheduled BLOG.

Rick

Member FDIC
slightly higher west of the rockies
always keep out of the reach of small children.

Heh, thanks for the traffic report. I am SOOOO glad for light rail here in Portland. Breaks down a whole lot less than stupid buses.

Oh lovely, crappy traffic. And I am coming to your crazy town tonight for a friend's wedding on Sunday in Long Beach. I'm going to make K drive the rental. Or else I'll be the person in the accident that you're all honking at...

"Avoid the the bridge West bound -- a house fell off a big rig at Treasure Island and all lanes are impacted!!!"

You think so? Dude, that cannot be real! But sho-nuff!

Honestly, that was my crappy traffic experience yesterday - after I spent $53 on a tank of gas- a house on the road, a house!!!

we have no public trans here either...you have to drive to take the shoe leather express. So when are you going to start podcasting??

The only thing about podcasting, and uh... speaking in general, is that I have a truly annoying and squeaky voice. Also, oh man can I talk your ear off. Boooring! Besides, I don't even know how to work my VCR. How on earth could I figure out podcasting?

hahahaha! Love your post today!

That traffic would drive me nuts - here, if you're not doing 70 in the slow lane (!) you're gonna get CREAMED. I'm usually in the fast lane doing 80 to 90 mph. I can't afford to glance down at a bumper sticker, lest someone cut me off with 5 inches to spare and my engine goes sailing into their passenger compartment.

:) You would be fantastic.

When it takes 30 minutes to go 2.5 miles, you know you live in a jacked up city. But I'm partly to blame - I once considered taking the bus, but then sobered up. Something tells me the Pico route is just plain scary.

Be ready for major nonsense on Monday!

(Oh, and wee Monkeygurl is giving Roy a run for his money. Check out my latest post!)

Adding on to my previous comment: did I mention that, even when driving 80-90 mph in the fast lane, drivers will tailgate, flash their brights & pass me?

BnB, thank you for reminding me why I am so happy to not have to cross the bridge anymore in my commute. My two fave delays in the past were:

(1) The vacationing family's RV burned when the tanks of propane in the back exploded. The fire took out the Fremont Street exit sign. (No one was injured.)

(2) A sewage truck dumped it's load across the freeway. EWWWW!!

Damn. I bought gas at $2.83 a gallon today and I suddenly feel lucky. How sad is that??

You should TOTALLY be a traffic reporter Laurie. That commentary was hilarious!

I am really curious what you do when your bus doesn't show up (forgive me if this was already talked about in the above comments... I only have effteen seconds to finish my salad and get off the internet @ work)... you drive, obviously, but how late does that make you to work? What does your boss say? (I'm curious because MY job is to monitor the late ones @ my work... fun)...

Laughing out loud! Thank you!

I'd suggest finding a way to work from home, but then we would miss these gems! Priceless!

Amen!

Gas was 3.33 yesterday in Riverside! What the hell is that?
And yes, the 101 is just a black hole of traffic. Always stopped, all the time.

Loved your traffic report - that should definitely be a future career option. Although I did wonder if you'd feel the compulsion to say "porn" somewhere in all of your reports ;-) Thanks for the laugh! Oh, and I paid $3.32 for unleaded down here in the OC this morning :-(

Do you think a "Drive Now Talk Later" bumper sticker would get me keyed? I just got a new car, and I don't want to be asking for trouble, but I love the stickers that Car Talk gives away.

this has nothing to do with cars or traffic, but i found this website that you MUST put soba on.

its called mycathatesyou.com. the following is a link challenging the mighty soba. the cat's name is chairman mao.

http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats/2004/07/8

You know, that love connection in traffic idea is a good one. Pitch that one to a few radio stations and you may have a new career. Mave fave here in Nor Cal is horn bingo where a person in traffic calls the radio station, gets a horn beep sequence, rolls down the windows and if someone beeps back in sequence they win! Much more amusing than it sounds esp. during the morning commute.

Maybe I'm the only one that kindof likes watching the gas prices jump up? No, I'm not an exxon shareholder - I wish. I get that same forboding feeling as when watching the thunderclouds roll in. Sorry, most of the west coasters won't understand that, but maybe you will Laurie from being in the southeast?
If you like some doom and gloom I recommend The End of Suburbia documentary.

Is it wrong to want to see carnage (hehe)when you get stuck in gridlock and then it is just gone? No reason, no accident, nothin' to see and don't get me started on lookie-loos!
I am still working on my invention that tags idiot drivers (like laser tag) by those being cut off, tailgated etc.. The offender would then be emailed tickets and once they accrued a certain number and an officer happened by, he/she would be scooped up and hauled away or the car automatically would drive them to the middle of nowhere and shut off permanently! Yess

Laurie! I demand that you come to Ohio and start doing our traffic reports! :)

Also, I have that John Lennon bumper sticker. Ah John, we hardly knew ye!

Saw a sticker today that said, "Exercise your demons: Take your kids to the park."

I commute by bike as much as possible, from the west side of town, through a UC campus, to the east. It's 20 minutes one way and I KNOW I have nothing to complain about (except the oblivious college students yakking on their cellphones while they ride and block the bike lanes).

But when I do drive anywhere, I check out this web site first: www.californiagasprices.com. People in California can enter their zip code and it reports the cheapest gas prices right then in their area. "Cheap" is all relative, I know. Now we're thinking $3/gal. looks good.

And then, in this morning;'s paper I read:
"Chevron Corp.'s first-quarter profit soared 49 percent to $4 billion, joining the procession of U.S. oil companies to report colossal earnings.....Chevron released its results Friday after two of its biggest rivals, ConocoPhillips and Exxon Mobil Corp., already provoked public outrage with similarly large first-quarter profits. Combined, the three oil companies earned $15.7 billion during the first three months of the year. That's 17 percent more than the trio made during the same time last year when they went on to pocket a combined profit of nearly $64 billion."

"Flux Capacitor." Excellent obscure film reference (Back to the Future, of course). Now I'm racking my brains trying to remember the name of the similar object in Buckaroo Banzai that allowed the Banzai-mobile to enter the 8th dimension. Anyone, anyone?

I knew I´d reached a new low when I actually said this after passing an accident that made it take 45 minutes to go two miles on the interstate:

¨Somebody better have died in that accident.¨

Lauren - Ossolation Overthruster.

I can't believe I know that.

Jennifer -

Buckaroo used the 'oscillation overthruster'. I love that movie.

Goddamn it, the spelling section of my brain died briefly. OSCILLATION overthruster.

I love your traffic reports. There was a headline in the Globe and Mail today (Canada, national newspaper) about how some horrifically large number of accidents are caused by people not paying attention while driving because they are talking on their cellphone, putting on lipstick, whatever. If that Hang Up and Drive bumper sticker doesn't already exist, go print up a bunch now.

On another note, I understand about your mass transit, but if you drove something smaller than a Jeep, you'd get better mileage and use less gas. also, think how much money you would have for wool/wine.

Did your bus run out of gas? I know our great state of California is broke, so maybe they couldn't afford the gas?

I "heart" Ya Laurie. Totally feel your pain that's one reason I wanted to move back to smalltown midwest. On the east coast it would take me 90 minutes to drive 10 miles.

Your traffic report is on the money! Glad you gave me another giggle for the week.

Jove, if my car weren't already paid off, and if I were not funding The Great Million Dollar Cat Experiment, I would indeed buy a much more fuel-efficient car.

But alas. I take the bus... when it shows up LOL.

If that driver with all the bumper stickers is such a peace lover, why is there a dead tiger sitting on top of the back seat?

I had to read your traffic report to the whole office. That was too funny.

A cab cut me off this morning and on the back, as part of the car, not a bumper sticker, it said "Whiptastic Handling." I tried to take a picture, but unlike you, Laurie, I can't work the camera, while shifting and steering with my knee. And Fountain, which is usually stopped, was flowing like the River Jordan today.

Uccelina and Kat: Thanks for remembering the 'oscillation overthruster.' That's the kind of thing that drives me nuts for days trying to remember it. Then it will pop into my head (and, consequently right out of my mouth, cause that's how I roll) at the oddest moment. Like in a business meeting. Or, Laurie, how about instead of releasing a harmless little "fluff" in a compromising position, I were to suddenly smack myself on the forehead and yell out, "oscillation overthruster!" Wonder what the hubby would make of that?

And while we're doing obscure Buckaroo Banzai quotes... "Laugh while you can, Monkeyboy!"

Girl, you have found your calling. Gave me a much needed laugh.

I take the bus to work in the a.m., and Metrolink home in the evening. Why? Cause stooooopid Metrolink has no morning service to Riverside unless I want to leave at o-dark-30. Not!

The real pisser is that I've often late getting to work (cause the bus has to fight freeway traffic just like eveyone else, hello!), but never late getting home.

As I read that, maybe I shouldn't complain.

Diane, I just got a notice at work that says the metro buses and the LADOT buses will be running "sporadic or reduced service" on Monday b/c of the protests. Heads up.

Or, maybe, "Word up."

I just spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME on the jordana bags site, they are too cute. Can ya'll believe I have real actual ads? It's very exciting. And also... expensive... as those bags are REALLY cute...

Hi! talking to myself!

Hi, Laurie! I'm still here!

Hi Lauren! I'm going to leave, I think. Friday blahs. General blahs. Blah because...oh. Maybe I'll write about it tomorrow as ya'll know how maudlin and foolish I can be on the weekends. Maybe I'll see some good bumper action on the way home ;)

"bumper action" haw.

Hope the commute is relatively stress-free.

You have higher gas prices, I have Hillary as my Senator. Based on what she has actually done for my town, I'll trade you!

Oh, please write tomorrow or at least this weekend. I spent the whole day on "Z" time (Z=idle time) because the network at work did not work today. Yesterday was bring your kid to work so I think one of them sabotaged our computers. Because y'all know they know how to use them better than some of the engineers at work. Anyway today sucked. But gas was $2.84 when I filled up and it was actually raining in the southwest desert. So maybe it wasn't too bad.
Word up.

We are totally bumper-sticker people here. You just made me go out into the driveway and count.
On the car (which we drive to work): 5 political stickers, one do-gooding sticker (by all means donate blood to Children's Hospital, whichever one you live near), and one wry commentary on life.
On the van (which I generally drive the kids around in when DH is working and I'm not): 5 political stickers, one Latin sticker, and just to confound expectations, one Support Our Troops magnet.

If we ever drive either vehicle into a red state we will leave an itinerary.

Hey, moneymaking idea: removable political stickers suitable for temporary concealment of the real ones while driving through red states.

Man, two things you couldn't pay me to do: live anywhere remotely near LA and drive a car again. Give me my bike any day.

Well, gas here just started costing 6 shekels per liter (which is about 5$ per gallon)and our mass transit BLOWS UP, so I suppose things could be worse :)

I work in radio, and you're far more entertaining than our traffic girl.

Don't know if this is where you live but,

http://www.losangelesgasprices.com/index.aspx?&area=Van%20Nuys

Hell yeah. My new favorite activity is riding public transport and then bitching about it. It sure makes life interesting and I get in a lot of knitting! Yesterday my bus broke down on the way to work. The next one didn't come for 25 minutes! Knit...knit...knit...

God knows I love my Passat, but I'm seriously thinking of trading it in for a Vespa Scooter. Besides they are so cute. Gas.prices.are.insane.

BTW, CAP, they need to hire you to do traffic. You can follow Garth Kemp (best weatherman name ever) on the ABC 7 morning news.

So excellent, Laurie! I grew up in LA and you give the best, most accurate slice of our city than any others. I especially love your entry about KOST. I affectionately nicknamed it milqueKOST.

I am sorry about your Friday blahs Laurie :( I would come visit you this weekend but you probly don't want some internets stranger descending on you. I would've liked to come to the WeHo SnB but I couldn't get the time off work to leave earlier. BLEH.
Have a good weekend and don't drive unless you have to...

I can't believe that bumper sticker said "Imagination is more important than knowledge." Looks like Albert Einstein said it. Thank God he was seeking out new theories and not writing plays.

I once had a bumpersticker torn off my bumper in a mall parking lot. They balled it up and left it on my rear windshield, so I smoothed it out and stuck it back where it belonged. Cretins.

Of course, I haven't actually put a bumpersticker on my current car because of that.

Long time lurker, first time commenter.

"Pray Automobiles" is a dealership located in the town where I grew up in Connecticut. I hope that driver made the cross-country trek before the gas prices were this high!

Flux capacitor...snort!! Cracking my shit up!

Well, that price makes me feel a bit better about the $3.20 I paid yesterday in Sacramento. A bit but not a lot.

I can relate, girl. It's almost as bad in Chicago. And I totally want to beat the crap out of the idiots who get into a rear-ender in 5-mile-an-hour creeper traffic.

In DC, traffic is a way of life. But my way of life invested in a $4.99 map of the area and learned the back roads after I spent a disgusting afternoon on the beltway. Note: it was disgusting because (1) it was August, 100 degrees F, with 120% humidity (2) my car's A/C was broke, broke, broke; so I HAD to have my windows down so I didn't end up like a dog left in her careless owner's car on a hot afternoon left to die (3) In standstill bumper-to-bumper traffic, the car next to me: the guy actually thought it was a good time to start, proceed with, and finish masturbating. Yup. Moans and all - it was enlightening for at least three cars within earshot distance. Feel free to reread #3 again because real life is, in fact, funnier and so-not-right than fiction.

The BEST bumper sticker type I think I have ever seen was a Jesus fish...but inside the fish was the word SUSHI!

It made me chuckle for hours.

Love your traffic report. I guess I can't complain about my 5-10 minute trip to from home to work - door to door!

this might make me the 100th poster, if i'm doing this correctly.

anyway, i just wanted to tell you -- because i've kinda been doing the emotional thing lately -- my mom loved jeeps. my mom had three kids and two-to-three LARGE dogs at any given point and carpools and groceries and didn't care and drove a fucking jeep anyway. she thought they were cool

they are.

Ok, completely off current topic but I had to tell you that I blame you for my most recent rental at the library.

I have suffered a recent relationship breakup, similar to yours in that it was out of the blue, completely unexpected and I was given no chance to "fix" things.

Then I read on your blog about Wilson Phillips. Geez. I listened to them years ago after other breakups...but had totally forgetten them. Now they are on my IPod once again.

You know another great album for good break up music (and not quite as...drippy?) Skin, by Melissa Etheridge. Yeah baby!

There are very few knit blogs I read that don't contain knitting related material but you are a hoot! Forget traffic reports...you need to write a book $$$$.

Hey Laurie, here in Nova Scotia it equals out to $5.16 (Canadian)/gallon,! The insanity of it all! Love the traffic report!

Brilliant! You have indeed found a new career. Now if we could get you to do traffic on westbound 183 between Dallas & Fort Worth, I may get home at a decent time!

Recently, a woman in our area died in a traffic accident and it was reported that she was talking on her cell phone, eating a burrito, and applying makeup at the time of the accident. Thank god it was a one car thing and she didn't kill anyone but herself!

I have the "If you're not Outraged..." bumper sticker on my car....hate to think you were backed up all the way to West Virginia!!!

Laurie, please come up to San Francisco and do our traffic reports. They are very easy. The only place you can go fast in the on-ramp and our freeways are parking lots. And our traffic reports are ALWAYS wrong! I started taking my bike on the BART this week, it's not so bad and gives me exercise. There's gotta be a way you can work around 2 hour traffic jams, too. Stop paying George for his war!

Oh Laurie. You had me laughing out loud, mascara running down my face and looking all silly at work just now. I do believe you have a future in Los Angeles area traffic reporting. You do it with such panache (did I really just say panache?)

So, up here in beeeyoooootiful Marin County, north of Crazy (LA), but in the center of Almost Crazy, I was stuck behind the following license plate frame (and me without a camera!):

"If your ridin my ass u better be pullin my hair"

seriously. grammar errors have not been exaggerated.

It really said "your" instead of "you're".

XO

Girl. You just HAVE TO. Write a book. You make us laugh our collective asses off! (Which, come to think of it, might make your blog the most effective exercise device on the market...)

Lynae- how about the Jesus fish bumper thing with legs that says "Darwin" inside? :)
Just got back from Italy, tons of Smart Cars in Rome. Wow!