Sending all my love to you....

Delurking to say he is a freakin' shit and you deserve better. First get yourself really pissed off about the whole situation then call him, ask him who the f**k he thinks he is, etc... then hang up on him... hard!

Love your blog... I lived in Louisiana for 12 years and all your ya'lls bring it right back... thanks for being you.

Sucks, Laurie. It is the most bizarre thing and awful feeling ever, when guys do the LR thing. I don't understand it, and I really don't believe women do it.

(((HUGS))) The guy's an idiot! Go back to that grocery store!! Maybe you'll bump into the guy who gave you his card!

Hi Laurie. I totally understand where you are coming from, being in the same position you are in. It's never easy. I sometimes want to crawl in a hole and stay there forever. But it's not reality. Reality IS bastards that do this to us. Unfortunatly. Smile mami!

Men will run away like scared baby rabbits before they will do anything that could possibly be unpleasant, as in breaking up. SO they will disappear rather than tell you they are moving on.

And, perhaps it is his karma that is bad, in that he was not worthy of you.

Now, if you haven't already done so, go read He's Just Not That Into You. It is simplistic, and not too substantial, but I found it strangely empowering.

But most of all, IT IS NOT YOU, IT IS THEM. Their problem and their deficiencies, not yours .

Now get back out there and kick some ass!

Maybe he got hit by a truck. Did you try calling all the hospitals?

Cretin.

I'm with Ginnie(and everybody else). It's his problem. You are just way too cool for him, and he has fled rather than be, ya'know, an actual *adult* and talk about it.

You deserve better, sweeti, and you will find it, one of these days.

I know I'm going out on a limb here, but then I tend to make friends with guys more easily than girls...

In the time you've been seeing this guy, has he always been the one to initiate contact? I mean, have you ever just called him up or sent him a text or do you just reply when he does? Is there even the slightest chance he may be thinking that you never call? Guys do have very fragile self-esteems. You may just want to try sending out an email or something to say "hi" and leave it at that.

If that's what he's been waiting for, great! If he's just an insensitive bastard, you get to be the one to act like a grown-up (I know being the grown-up can suck).

Just my $.02

Oh, I've read "He's Just Not That Into You." I actually read it in the office of a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon while waiting on a friend who was getting lipo. Love Los Angeles!

That book could have been written by a Southern girl, and you're right it is strangely empowering. But no amount of books or grocery store hookups (by the way I met this guy the same way as the TJs guy, they could in fact be the same guy)(who's to say it would turn out differently? maybe it's all the same?) obscure the fact that when you get rejected, especially when things appeared to be going just fine, well.. it frankly sucks.

Maybe I'm just not ready for dating. It seems so exhausting. Maybe there's a mail-order boyfriend catalog somewhere?

Oh, and Melissa, I was the last one to call.

So sorry it didn't work out but really isn't he just one of your transitional guys? Honestly he is your transitional boy he's not mature enough to be a guy or a man for that matter. As hard as it is and really how horrible for your first time out to end this way, you don't want this guy. All this guy has done is teach you how to sniff out other guys like this. Chalk this whole experience up to developing your asshole radar. Congratulations on your first but not your last date.

Okay, I usually just read and laugh in private, but that pantyliner sentence made me laugh so hard I just had to comment. Thanks for making my day. Cheer up girl! (maybe something will get caught in his zipper)

Yuck. The worst feeling ever. And I'm like you. I was raised that nice girls don't call boys and that's all there is to it. Serial date. Date a whole bunch of different guys and expect nothing. Don't call them. Sleep with them if you want, but don't ever spend the night. Have fun with boys but don't take them seriously. 'Cause they are all boys. They never seem to grow up or get it. Why do they always tell you they are going to call (most often at a specific time) just when they stop calling forever?!

hey, guess what? This just happened to me too. Except I have no dignity, and did call, and got the voice mail. So. I am upset, and undignified to boot.

All my sympathy, Laurie!

Honestely, if he doesn't see how totally awesome you are, it's his loss!

Now that you have dipped your toes in the water and seen that you are capable of having fun, with a boy even, you don't want to be committed to one single boy long-term anyway do ya? Not yet! Go out with lots of guys so you can figure out exactly what you liked about each of them, then when you have a complete list of all the things you are looking for, you'll know when you've found the right one!

You rock, and if he doesn't know that, he's stupid! :)

:-) In that case, I'd be more than happy to form up a band of knitjas (something my sister came up with to describe the way knit bloggers support each other through all kinds of situations when I was feeling particularly down and ready to kill someone my husband knows out in SoCal...knitters dressed in ninja garb, wielding pointy needles and ready to inflict pain on their victims with fun fur.)

The biggest thing, no matter how crappy you feel, is not to let this get you down.

Get. The. Fuck. Out.

What an ass. Seriously, what a gutless ass. I know this so doesn't help, all this girltawk shit about what an ass he is, but SERIOUSLY, what an ass. And maybe I could think of another word other than ass? But, alas, I can't, because I am immature and limited.

Ass. Stupid balless asswipe. (wipe! we've added WIPE, people!)

Oh my gosh. The pantyliner line...I'm totally stealing it.

I hate that He Who Calls No More did this to you.

WHY DO THEY DO THAT!?!?!?!?! Oh honey its the most damning thing about even bothering. It the story of that last two years of life, I'm good looking, crazy only in the good way AND YET... I'm so sorry they've got to you too. But as I tell my self each and every time, at least you found out now.

I'm so sorry Laurie. Better that it didn't work out from the beginning than have him do this to you! Hang in there!

I know how you feel...

If he's the type of guy who pulls a disappearing act then you really don't want him anyway. Let him be someone else's problem.

I guess I'm playing devil's advocate...maybe his cell phone got stolen? I only bring this up as my Hanai mom from the Big Island of HI stopped calling me from one day to the next. This was just shy of devastating as she was a big part of me NOT GOING CRAZY with the house-selling part of the D-thing...

Some fool kid stole her phone. She keeps EVERYTHING on that phone. (Still does...silly woman) I finally got through by calling her classroom directly.

Weirder things have happened....

I'm so sorry it worked out this way... =(

Oh sweetie, is *he* one stupid dude!

Does he not realize that the Mary Poppins gang is now hunting his soon-to-be-even-sorrier ass with a bunch of heavy-duty bumbershoots?!?!?!?!

I am so sorry to hear your tale of dating woe. I am a vet of the dating wars -- seriously, I was dating over the age of thirty, had cats, and tons of yarn. Anyway, you just dated the "now-you-see-him-no-you-don't" guy. They are tricky ones- because all seems well in datesville, your guard gets lowered and poof!!! they are gone with nary a word. I have dated to versions of the NYSHNYD guys -- there is Bye-Bye Benny who is gone for good and then there is Boomerang Brian who calls several weeks later with some lame ass excuse and wants to pick right back up. Ummmm, I would lie I didn't admit to picking back up with at least one of the boomerangs. Anyway, that is to say, its not you, it just feels like you. The situation sucks, but things do eventually work out. Or so I like to tell myself.

That sucks Laurie.. what an ass he is!

De-lurking to commiserate on the Grapes of Wrath of Getting Any.

I'm a 30-something spinster (never married) in grad school. I can't yet afford the cats, just the beer needed to dull the pain of "socializing" (defined as watching classmates my age get "distracted" by the 23-25 year-old grad students when we hang out at the local pub).

OMG! {{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{HUGE glass of WINE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

What a complete and utter @$^%$&!! I can't believe anyone would actually do that. His loss. What a loser he must be. In fact, I think from now on he should be known as the Loser Ranger. Goes along perfectly with Mr. X.

Delurking -- what a terrible feeling. Let me tell you, this happened to me one time. I'd been dating this guy for a couple of months, had gone away on a weekend together, spent many nights at each other's houses, etc. And then out of the blue he stopped calling. I was in shock and then even more shock when I fully realized what had happened. SIX MONTHS LATER he sent an email saying he'd made a mistake and wanted me in his life. I couldn't believe it. I was with a wonderful man I eventually married at the time and I was able to just ignore the email, thank god. It is terrible and I'm so sorry it happened to you. I hope you find your Mr. Wonderful is right around the corner.

The first step is to truly harden your heart! It's too weird, but hang with your girlfriends and eat the guys for lunch...respectfully, of course! I met my husband the very week I woke up with a strange new attitude that "Men are my playthings, I will torture them mercilessly.)". Sounds immature, but it wasn't about a strategy, it was a determination to enjoy my life with my friends, on my own terms! No, I wasn't all of a sudden Samantha from Sex in the City (icky), I just somehow gained this inner voice that said, "Work it!"

I'm sorry this one disappointed you, what a coward! You know, a smart guy could just be honest and to the point, face you and tell the truth. This guy lacks character not doing this. You deserve better, and I am sure that there is a huge amount of men that find you irresistible, but are too awestruck by your beauty and charm to even approach you! Just know this...

I am sorry Laurie... I don't understand men at all... I've always known men who do the disappearing act...of course I am married now, but I know he's the same way... they aren't communicaters like we are... they just don't get it... but it was a big step...and another one will come around ... who knows maybe this one had a wife or something and suddenly felt guilty...or got CAUGHT???!! Hang in there... we are all behind you... Hugs to you and the kitty catts

I'm a lurker, but I just wanted to say...you've done it. You no longer have to anticipate "the first boyfriend" afterthe big D. That is a huge hurdle to overcome and you have done....now you can move onto future boys without that hanging over your head.

So really, this was a good thing. It was a transitional thing. It was a Rite of Passage in moving on.

celebrate that!

He must have liked you too much. And no, I'm not being sarcastic. If I had to guess I'd bet that he was starting to fall for you and didn't want to and he ran like a scared little bunny. Even if that's it though, I totally agree that he was a jerk for not yelling good-bye as he ran.

Unless, that is, he actually is dead. You never know.

My fiance pulled the Lone Ranger thing too. Maybe they'll end up together someday, flames licking at their toes, being poked with extra-pointy knitting needles for all eternity. Hey, we can hope, right? Hang in there!

Maybe you will see him on MSNBC or America's missing. Which ever, just chaulk it up to a good dinner (if he paid for it) and realize that you have just not met THE ONE yet. Face it, you had to start somewhere. He did you a favor-he's not what you want anyway if he doesn't call and explain. Immature. Hope the toilet lid falls on him. :)

I'm sorry he hurt you like this.

It is better to find out early which ones are the jerks. You only wasted a week or two on him which is so much better than having 6 months, a year, or whatever invested in a relationship and then finding out. Mourn the loss of his friendship for an hour and then let him go. You deserve better!

ha - were his initials S. k.? Cuz S.K. did that to me too. Weeks of great fun, fully iniated by him. One day he stops in to see me at work, tells me he's got his moving van loaded up (yes, I did know he was moving and to where - it wasn't far), I gave him cookies I baked for him and his buddies, he said "see ya later" and never heard from him again.

I had no dignity though - i called - about 25 too many times and left about 15 too many voicemails :)

Years later I ran into him in the store - I nicely said hi, asked how things were and went on. I could kick myself for not saying WTF happened to you?!?!

And really - I make awesome chocolate chip cookies - so it wasn't the cookies!

Good to get this one out of your system I say! Now you are over the first boyfriend after the D hurdle and on your way!

*smiles and nods knowingly*

Ahh such memories this has stirred up. The Walk-Away Joe. Been there, done that. Got a closet full of tear-soaked t-shirts.

I won't even try to relate what all I have learned about men and the way they think and react to stuff. All I know is that I don't miss dating, men and all that crap at all ... my last date was almost 5 years ago. The peace of mind is priceless.

Men stop calling because they are ridiculously cowardly when it comes to ending something. I swear, I was just ruminating on this the other night - did they all see Fatal Attraction too many times? Do they really think that no woman can handle the break up conversation without tears, drama, shouting, hysterics, and potential knife-wielding?

I am sorry he ran off with no warning. :( And I do agree with the other commenters who mentioned that hey, at least the first post-D relationship threshhold has been crossed. Hang in there!

Did you check the obits? Seriously..... because, other than death (his own), what excuse is there to not at least send a 'gee, it's been fun but....' email??

I dunno. I can't stand not having the last word. If it were me *I* would call him just to tell him that he is an asshole.

gay men do this to each other too. i cant tell you how many times i've had friends and co-workers tell me this.

Dr. Phil would never play a girl that way.

I'm just sayin'...

I'm really, really mad at this guy-I've-never-met. That's just... grrr...

He better not be the reason you missed the S&B last Thursday... *pout*

Ouch, I know it hurts, like many of you I've been there and been dumped :(

I have a thought, something you might consider ...okay so you didn't mention him here at all but have you considered that he was just dating and waiting for you to make him famous in blogland? Stranger things have happened. Maybe he was waiting to find out online what you really thought of him and when he saw nada he expected the worst and decided to cut his losses OR maybe he's just a chicken shit.

A bit of my mother's wisdom: All men are pigs. The good ones are those who are willing to admit it. You may want to use this as a way of weeding out next time.

Also, this situation reminds me of a Six Feet Under episode where the divorced guy starts dating again. He thinks all is well, and they make plans to see each other the next day. She never shows and doesn't answer her door or phone. He has the landlady open her door only to find her alive and well, waiting to tell him that he should learn to take a hint. He actually ends up telling his ex that the girl just up and died. "Some heart thing," has he put it. Perhaps you'd prefer to think of this guy that way (without any use of voodoo candles, of course)?

Oh, golly, I don't know. Because they can, because they don't want to have The Conversation (let's face it, The Conversation is never easy), because they figure dropping off the face of the earth is less painful in the long run than explaining in great detail how/why/when they realized they're just not that into you.

The truth is (and this is the worst of it) it probably had nothing to do with you. Some passing gnat probably just caught his attention. Grrr.

Dump him. What??!! you say, He's already dumped you?! Really, I say, did you hear those words come out of his mouth? Men hate to be dumped. If you want to make him feel a little of the annoyance you have been feeling for the last week, call him, don't let him speak if you actually get through and tell him you've been doing some thinking. You need your space, you've remembered how nice it was to be single and want to keep things that way. Thanks for the laughs, see you around, bye now. (Make sure you sound really casual, you know, like you're talking about not getting any pinot noir this time because you want to try out a lovely cabernet.) Hang up and go out with your friends right after. (Never talk to him again, he might be trying for a one-up in the break-up. Yes, they DO do that.)
Trust me, guys HATE it when a woman breaks it off. I know, I worked with them for about 6 years in the industrial sector (I was a labourer/stacker operator/filer/planer feeder in a sawmill. I built pallets and crates for shipping stuff for a while too.) If they think you're friendly, they'll tell you anything.
Get into being single! You are going to LOVE travelling without a man to please!!! Imagine, no whining about visiting yet another yarn shop, eating in that frou-frou little restaurant and not having to put up with muttering under his breath or stupid comments about the frilly stuff, not having to rush through anything because he wants to ... (whatever), walking where you want to, when you want to, if you want to. Visiting all the sites you want to see at YOUR leisure ... sigh, I'm jealous. Have fun!!
Buck up dearie, life drags on and you'll go with it either by your hair, your feet or your own free will.

Wow - I'm kind of in the same boat right now. There are a few other mitigating circumstances involved in this Vow of Silence Against ME! my guy has taken on, but still, it sucks. Hmph.

Oh, Laurie, I'm so sorry. But at least you've gotten The First Post-Divorce Date out of the way, so you can move forward with a clean slate. I've never been married, so I haven't had the singular thrill of divorce, but I too hate being Lone Rangered. I firmly believe that payback's a bitch, so you just relax and wait for the karma slap to hit him.

Take care of yourself. If that means more yarn, chocolate, and wine, then so be it. Right now *I'm* trying to be verrry nice to myself so that I can get through my stress period. This afternoon, I'm going to a LYS to pick up a black Jordana Paige knitter's purse (they're discontinued! I must buy one before they're gone! see how I rationalize?) and then go study all night. Woo! Thirtysomething spinsters unite! :)

What a bummer, Miss L. Nobody but him knows why he's not calling, and you didn't deserve to be summarily dropped like a casserole that burned through hotpads. (See that metaphor? It means you're a HOT DISH, lady!) I agree with some of the other sentiments stated above, in that you're just toodling your way back onto the big bike of love, and there will be more bikes & more rides (heh) and more trails and...this metaphor's going nowhere. But suffice it to say that if you get several dates going on at once, it is easy to be less invested no matter how great they are. Sort of like fish, several lines in the water. And now we're skirting dangerously close to the woman-needs-man like fish-needs-bicycle metaphor. Just keep believing in YOU and know that there are so many idiots out there, even nice ones with good arms who say the right things and then they spaz out and freak that they might be getting too close and they run away and that's why we all at some point wonder if these man-things are worth it at all. When the real thing to always remember is that WE are worth being treated well, worth loving, worth the effort, and always, worthy of excellent yarn at amazing prices.

Laurie, did he know about your blog? Just curious. Maybe he stumbled on it? Maybe the fact that there was no mention of him in it nicked his ego... I don't know.

He is still a jerk if his not contacting you is a choice.

Oh, pumpkin. I have *so* been there. It's the absolute worst. Actually, the absolute worst is the half day right before you come to terms with the fact that you're never going to hear from him again, that period of time where it's been way too long since you've heard from him but you're still willing to forgive him if he's contrite enough and has a good enough excuse (like, what could that POSSIBLY be?) but you're not sure if that makes you a pathetic pushover desperate for love and you suspect it might but you won't care about that if he calls.

Once you realize he's gone, you get to go about the Business of Cheering Yourself Up. Good friends, good food, decent or better wine, possibly new shoes.

I'll go with the general consensus on this one. Barring a coma/death, he's a dick. And perhaps you will come to see it this way: yes, valuable days were spent wondering what was going on, but now you know he's a dick, and if he had done the non-cowardly thing and talked to you, his dickness would have come through his speech. So at least you didn't have to listen to the verbalization of his dickicity.

I chose to not think of it as he stopped calling you because of anything negative - how about he paniced! How about he realized he had met this incredible funny sexy warm loving smart KNITTER and he knew he couldn't handle all you had to offer?

I know it doesn't matter WHY he stopped calling when the sting is there, but trust me, and everyone else who has posted, you are better to be here now then when you were deeply invested, no?

I'm sorry you had to deal with this guy's crap! We all know you deserve WAY better

this is just so shitty. you definitely deserve better, laurie. keep your head up.

that last comment...under Dani...was really me. what's up with that?

DON'T CALL HIM. If you read "He's Just Not That Into You," then you know, even if he's dead, he'd find a way to reach you if he wanted. He's a JackAss (new way to use Ass) and he does not deserve the effort it takes to dial the phone. He was fun and charming and still not worth it. Someone else will be, so you just needed this one to get over that Rebound Thaaang. Ya'll know.

Laurie, sorry to hear the news about the Lone Ranger. I've been in that situation and know how painful it is.

The man is a coward and an idiot and you deserve better.

Hi Laurie

I'm a lurker... Just to say "been there, got the t-shirt" - it's horrible. You deserve much much more - go out there and find it!

Don't, I repeat DON'T folow the book "he's just not that into you". I think I've let some perfectly nice guys get away because I sat there waiting for them to knock me on the head with their deep desire. They are just as nervous (sometimes) at asking us as we are to get them to ask us (for a number/date, etc.). As a divorced gal myself, the first date was awful....too soon and I actually cried. Then I got me the man of my dreams only to be dumped by email. My last interest I had over for I must admit a spectacular dinner which he seemed to love only to never hear from him again (until five months later when he actually apologized...of course by email!). I was supposed to go on a date last Sat night and yet again just never heard from him (and he wonders why I don't want to get more involved with him). I tried to contact him, to no avail. Men are dopes, that's just all I can say. Sometimes I wish I would just be into girls, but after nine years of living in The Castro in SF, if it ain't happened by now I better just take my lumps with the dudes because after all that's said and done, I'll put up with the crap to find the right one. Keep your chin up and your wine glass lifted high!!

Biggest.Pet.Peeve.Ever. The not calling. Whether it's just for a date or if it's to end the whole shibang. I'm feelin' for ya love, and KUDOS to you for not being the Chaser.

Don't lose hope. There are good eggs out there. I promise.

Hey Laurie - did you call him at all during that week? Maybe he was waiting for you to, and is now sad and angry, thinking that YOU are The One Who Never Called Again! :)

Or, you know, maybe not.

i don't have the attention span to read all the previous comments, so forgive if i'm repeating anyone's idea .... perhaps he did get hit by a truck?! for curiosity's sake, get a girlfriend to call him, or a guy friend, just to see if he answers, just to find out if he's dead or not. he'll never know who called, and you will know whether or not something bad happened to him or if you're better off w/o him. i just hate not knowing. but, that's just me. BUT, DO NOT drunk dial!!!!!!

I am sorry, dear. he a jerk. "ya gotta kiss a lot of toads before you find the handsome prince." platitudes suck too :)

No extra words of wisdom, except that I hear you loud and clear. I am a recent-ish widow after 42 years of marriage, and just being over 60 doesn't mean that I'm dead or ready to go the rest of my life without lovin'. There's a parallel between watching a marriage die, and watching your loved one die, and frankly they both suck, and they are both hard to recover from. So this newly-single woman with 4 cats will join you anytime in a bottle of wine, or a knit-in, as long as you keep KOST turned off. That station makes me cringe! Long live Jack-FM!

Well call him "the Christmas Cat". Since he's just like the cat who leaves his happy well fed home, and wanders far and wide to find another well fed situation, and then after everyone thinks he's their new cat, suddenly remembers he's needed elsewhere and runs off never to be seen again. The Christmas Cat. Everybody's had one.

ok i lurk all the time and not comment, but it's just a situation where every gal has been there. Too many times!
I've been the chaser. It's humiliating and just gives him the ego boost he craves. He's a dick for not lovin what a great gal you.
The best I can say is to forget him, knit stuff, drink wine and have fun coz one day a 'mr right-now' will turn into 'mr right'. (yup the line is from a movie but it's true)
x

I am SO with Stephanie: good friends, good wine, and new shoes are a great antidote. I myself dated for almost a decade--I have a GREAT and very, very large collection of shoes. And do I know my wine! The best part about dating (I'm reaching here and I know it) is that it makes for a series of really wonderful tragicomedic stories later. You can dine out on those anecdotes for years. But that's about the best I can say about it. However, when you do find your true love--which I did at last after 9 1/2 years and (the classic story) after completely and genuinely giving up on men--you will treasure him even more. Hang in there! Any truly quality man would be delighted and proud to have you in his life.

Everyone who has been single past the age of 12 has had a number of no-call-back relationships. It's unfortunate that your recent experience followed a divorce, but it could just as easily have happened at 15, or 18, or 20,(I think it did to me at all those ages, as I look back) and you wouldn't feel much except, in some cases, relief. C'est la vie, as your Parisian friends would say. Keep yourself strong and funny and cat-friendly.
Donna

ok so i have a funny story for you. before i met mr. bag, i was dating every loser who came my way because i was almost 40 and single and a little desperate. so i was hanging out wiht this one guy. i didn't really like him to be honest. but he had a pulse and you know i was almost 40, and not getting any younger .... for awhile he was calling all of the time, or i'd call him. it was normal. and then one day he said he'd call. and he didn't. so i called him, left a message. he didn't call me back. so this annoyed me. so i called him again. not in a stalking way, just giving him the benefit of the doubt. again not home. left a message. still no call. then one day, i called him and got him. our conversation was fine on the phone. he was very "hey i've been busy, meant to call back, etc" while we were talking, he got another call which he had to take since he worked from home. so he said "i'll give you a call back, ok?" and i said, "no, that's ok. you don't have to call me back. bye." i never called him again.

and see, it was weird. i couldn't stand that he was giving me the blow off. i wanted to be the one to do it. and in my mind, i did. i broke it off.

see, i understand not wanting to appear all stalky but by not calling him, you're letting him off the hook. you're doing exactly what he wants you to do and making it easy for him. you at least deserve to make him to be all squirmy and uncomfortable and nauseous.

also, i was dating mr. bag for weeks before i told anyone. so i hear you on that.

Gutless, spineless, dick-less prick. (An oxymoron, I know!)

But for the love of all that is holy, (including a thong-wearin' Pope Benedict), but most especially for your self-respect and dignity, please DO NOT DRUNK-DIAL him.

And for the second time this week I say to you -- you deserve so much better.

On a positive note, how fortuitous that he showed his colors so early on in the friendship/relationship. It just saves you that much more wasted time and heartache down the road.

You mean I'm not the only one who's had that little problem with the pantiliners? Oh, thank goodness! I was afraid I'd be flunking Feminine Hygiene Products 101 for sure.

I suppose, if you really wanted to, you could call and leave a message (or email) to the effect of, "Okay, Junior, I haven't heard from you in a while, and I'm getting the hint. If that's how it's going to be, that's fine. But hear this: no one likes to be left in the dark. So I'm going to teach you how to do this right. Just call me and say, 'So it's been fun, but I think it's time for me to move on.' If you're shy about saying it straight to me, here's the hours when you can call and get my answering machine. Got it? Okay, I'm giving you three days, and then I call the missing persons bureau."

You need to read this guys blog

http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com/andre/

It'll make you feel so much better.

Laurie, so sorry. Unfortunately this is a part of dating. Occasionally you will meet a real toad. Sometimes I want to give up but then I remember my stepmother (who is from Louisiana by the way). I remember crying to her when I was in my early 30s about all the jerks out there. She was a divorced single mom in her 30s and knows quite well the pain of dating in those years. Her advice was corny but true -- you've got to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

Amen, sister!

It's too bad that the first guy you date after your divorce turns out to be just as big of an asshat as Mr. X. But don't let it make you question yourself. You are warm, funny, and unique; keep searching until you find the one who is truly worthy of you.

And the pantyliner line? Hilarious!

So it's been a week and he hasn't called? So...um...why don't you just call him? He may have a good excuse like a family emergency. At the very least, you'll know what really happened.

Forgot to add...
It's GREAT that you're backing dating again!

In my mind the pope doesn't wear a g-string. In my mind I think he goes commando. And when no one is watching he swings his hips side to side in this really exaggerated way making his, um, thingy swing side to side like a pendulum, and all the while he sings, (to the tune of Three Blind Mice) "I am thepope! I am thepope! I rule every one! I rule every one! They all think I’m rad and larger than life, but I’ve got a thing that swings left and right! I never thought I’d be cool like this, but I am thepope."

Oh and boys suck.

You know. That happened to me with my husband, but my then boyfriend. Things were going great, and then one day he said he'd call me later and we'd go out. Cut to, 9 days later of nothing. I thought for sure, he's gone and I've eaten my way through all kinds of Ben & Jerry's. Then he calls on day 10 and asks ME, why hadn't he heard from me? Short story long - because men can be dense - have you tried to call him?

I agree with the others - It's great you stuck a toe back into the dating pool.

HAHA, I love the "dump him" idea.
Advice: when he calls you in a few weeks, DO NOT START DATING HIM AGAIN. DO NOT.

Dang! You got my hopes up for myself, and then dashed them. *sigh* (I haven't had a date in, oh, six years? I blame grad school...)

Hmmm... if it were me, I'd call and say I just wanted to double-check that he hadn't died. And since he's not dead (or otherwise equally unable to use the phone), I'm dumping his ass. Even though breaking up sucks, it's better to have it officially over, do your mourning, and then (hopefully) find someone better. Eventually. Maybe.

My mom found her perfect match when I was in high school. It gives me hope. (Although I hope I don't have to wait until my late 40's or early 50's to find someone.)

Prat. Cowardly Prat.

He's retarded. End of story.

As my great grandmother said: always thank the one that got away..........

And really, if he's not that into you (good book/advice)......then why bother.....clearly it isn't you.....it is his misfortune.......

All just means that something better is out there for you.......the universe is protecting you!!

I haven't commented in a long while (read every day though. Hi! I'm a lurker) but this post had me thinking "I thought I was the only one this happened to!" I've (almost) ONLY ever had this kind of dating experience. With one exception I've never had a "real" breakup. It's always been the no-call thing. (BTW "Lone Ranger"! Love it)

Add to the No-Call thing is the fact that with very few exceptions EVERY guy I've ever had even one date with has either gotten back together with an ex or has met the girl he ended up marrying right after we went out (once he met the next girl WHILE we were on a date. nice guy).

People think that I'm single by choice. Um. It's more of a default setting! (I'm currently on a 1 date every 5 years cycle).

(Why am I telling you this again?)

I'm so sorry to hear that you had this happen. Try to remember how you felt about YOU while you were hanging out with him (that's my current attempt at not being sad-single-girl). Here's hoping the next one understands that ANY explanation is better than nothing. (for all of us).

men are assholes, Laurie. My husband even says so. Your guy must have had a stroke and is wondering somewhere in middle America looking for God.

It's the easiest way out.
It's become the chosen way out for most.

Sucks. Really sucks. Something similar happened to me with the first possibly awesome guy I'd dated after my divorce too. Boys are stupid.

On the plus side after having some loser dates, some random fun, and finally resorting to the internet I am living proof that you can be unexpected divorced at the age of 31 and still find an awesome guy...there are some out there and you will find one, becasue you are fabulous and you deserve much happiness!

You deserve better. Don't fall into another batch of manure! Stop "looking", enjoy yourself now, enjoy the freedom. Someone will pop up when you least expect it! Good luck. Love your blog. Learned how to knit with circulars and double point (use 5), due to your entertaining and easy to understand directions. I am now knitting ski type caps for infants and children and donating them to the Salvation Army residence in my city. Thank You "Crazy Aunt
Purl". Love yourselffirst!

Judy

I've noticed that pantyliners don't stick, unless of course, you somehow get some hair caught, and then you can feel the glue working. Yowch! I have no words of wisdom...You see, I was the woman who dated a cheating man for 11 months before I had the guts to tell him bye-bye. I know it doesn't change things, but I'm sending you a cyber hug. Hell, if I lived in L.A., I'd be a weird blog stalker and show up on your doorstep with a bottle of wine, some cat toys and stay up gabbing with you until the sun came up!

As usual, I am very late to this party, but I just wanted to say that I would rather fall asleep with a cat on my head.

As usual, I am very late to this party, but I just wanted to say that I would rather fall asleep with a cat on my head.

Whoops, I guess that needed repeating.

That sucks so hard and I know what you're dealing with. But on the off-chance that he thinks that you're the one who's mad at him and not vice versa, send him a text message? If he doesn't respond then you can tell him to fuck himself!!! =D We're cheering for you though. No jinxing.

Ah Laurie - just happened to me too and I got myself to the bookstore stat, read He's Just Not That Into You, felt heartbroken for another 8 hours and then got over it!

The occasional pang still hits but I must be doing better since he called my shop one day last week and I had my manager tell him I was with a customer. Get this - he did NOT call back.

Men are pigs, we are superior beings, cats and dogs are loyal and loving.

I feel your pain but will toast you with my next glass of wine and if you want, I'll send you my book (I also recommend: Behind Every Great Woman is A Fabulous Gay Man!

xoxoxo

I am a firm believer in the "Completely Given Up" theory. That it is only when all hope is lost that things finally begin to happen, such as meeting a man who isn't an utter shit.
And stop referring to yourself as a spinster! WE ARE DIVORCEES!
It sounds so much more dangerous and glamorous.

Personally, I am all about calling people on their shit. This does not mean that you call him and are a raving, incoherent mess. This means you call him one more time and

A) If he answers, ask him what has happened that has caused him to give the appearance of an asshat. (Yes, asshat. We should make these-asshats- for those who have apparently mixed up which function goes with a particular body part.) He might have a damn fine reason. This is unlikely. In fact, I'll bet you some noro that he has no good excuse. He's been to your house, right? He could have left a note if he lost his cell phone. Please tell him that his behavior is un-fucking-acceptable, on behalf of the rest of us.

B) If he does not answer, leave a message letting him know that you Just Aren't That Into Guys who don't call back. Tell him that you interpret that kind of behavior as neither Sexy nor Intriguing. Say this calmy, firmly and without being mean. Who knows, he might be in a coma...but if he's not, he'll at least know that you are not afraid to tell him where to go and what hat to wear on his way.

I second the recommendation for "He's Just Not that Into You." It's depressing, but it helps. The same thing happened to me recently but I haven't been brave enough to blog about it.

Calling or not, is a lose, lose situation. If you don't call, it seems like you accept being treated that way. If you do call, you just justified why he stopped calling. "See, Fred, I told you she was a psycho. Five dates and she thought we had enough of a relationship that I shouldn't just enter the witness protection program without saying goodbye....women."

sweetie - tipsy here in NOHO on vodkatonics!!! but hoping you will drop by Unwind in Burbank not THIS coming Friday, but next....we will uphold you and hold you up....5pm till store closes at 8pm and then who knows....

...the other thing is, honestly....being on the sticky side of a pantyliner made me decide that perhaps waxing isn't so bad afterall...so now I'm a regular at Pink Cheeks on Ventura and love going command(a) cause it's always a turn on....

...the other thing is, honestly....being on the sticky side of a pantyliner made me decide that perhaps waxing isn't so bad afterall...so now I'm a regular at Pink Cheeks on Ventura and love going command(a) cause it's always a turn on....

...the other thing is, honestly....being on the sticky side of a pantyliner made me decide that perhaps waxing isn't so bad afterall...so now I'm a regular at Pink Cheeks on Ventura and love going command(a) cause it's always a turn on....

Purl, I'm generally just a lurker. Alot of the things you say really ring true about men and I enjoy reading your blog and feeling like maybe I'm not the only one out there. It's also nice to see a knit blog without the "DH"/latest child factor for a change. (I'm happy for all of them, but oh so jealous on occasion.) Oh yeah, and I knit like a fiend too ; ) Face it, what else is there to do at 3 in the morning when you are crying/swearing over your drink of choice? Nothing good to say in this situation except for a loud and proud F&&K HIM!!!. Good riddance if the character flaws run that deep. You deserve so much better. Cheers *clink*.

Oh yeah.......and the pointy needle, fun fur thing too.

Oh how I relate! Being divorced and "of a certain age" myself. I went out with one guy and he could be your guy's twin. I was so worried when he stopped calling (and didn't answer my calls) that I actually went by his work to make sure he hadn't died or something. No… he hadn't died and did I feel stupid?

If it makes you feel any better, my guy called months later (he said the "timing was off" on the first go 'round) we went out for dinner and I was thinking… and what did I see in him? So I did to him exactly what he'd done to me. Dumped him with absolutely no explanation. Karma's a bitch.

Guys like that deserve the "sticky side of a pantyliner" LOVE that expression by the way!

I hate SHITTY men!!!! Here's to hoping you find yourself a good one, Laurie. You deserve so much more. and down deep, you know it!

Assume he is dead because no real man would ever do that.

When he calls, and, honey, he will call because they all call, be surprised that he is not dead.

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Boy suck and not always in a good way.

So sorry that turned out to be such a sucky experience.
But more importantly, have you deleted his info from your cell/unmemorized it as to prevent drunk dialing? I sadly advise that from experience. Funny how they always answer at 2AM...
Okay, I only did that once but it definitely did not make things better.

Ah, sweetie. I'm sorry. Hang on--there are good guys out there, and they are worth waiting for. This one was just for practice. Kisses and hugs to you and the kitties.

Men suck. Next time tell us when you date. Don't leave us out. I LOVE to read what you are up to.

you know what i'd do? i'd email him, and just say "dude? did you die or something?" and that's all... that way it's light and airy and not "chase-y" at all. if he doesn't email you back, then i would let it go and check the obits. but maybe he is trying to see if YOU are PLAYING him! hey, it could happen!

Laurie,

You took a risk, that is the most important part!

Chalk this up to experience and keep moving.

I'll tell you why he didn't every call again... because he's a CHICKEN SHIT. My boyfriend of 1.5 years pulled that crap on me last week. We were together for ONE AND A HALF YEARS. Dammit. Where the hell's my haagen dazs?

Laurie,
Thought I'd mention. My XDH left me (and by left I mean told me it was over, got in a cab and left with no warning after 14-1/2 years of what I thought was wedded bliss) to tell you the truth… I thought I was gonna die of a broken heart. 4 years (almost to the day) later, I can honestly and without reservation say it was the best thing that he could've possibly done. The dating thing yeah… it's tough but you will get through this!!!! Trust me.

here's what i got:

dating is almost not worth it. until it is.

you know?

oh, the profundity.

Laurie,

You deserve so much better. And we just have to believe that "better" is out there. (Personally, I have a really hard time with that part...especially lately. But I'm trying...)

Ah, you speak of No Call the Gutless Wonder? I knew him, and his brother I think, in my not-missed dating days. The worst part was that I really am one of those perpetually worried people who assumes someone must be dead or at least critically injured if they're even five minutes late. It really puts you through the wringer, and it is disrespectful and not fair. But, far from giving you the aura of making men disappear, I think this dating practice will bring more guys your way, and at least one of them will be deserving of you and your (quirk-free!) wonderfulness.

Yup, that's what it's like. That's why I gave up Dating with a capital D a few years ago. Totally not worth the trauma. Honestly, I'd rather be either at home with my cats and knitting, or spending time with my friends.

Maybe we should form a club; single thirty-something "quirky" female knitbloggers with cats?

Germany will forbid a POPE Satire.

GOD begins with G. like GERMAN

Laurie, although this has been said throughout - really, I've been there too! Hey, not all men are dirt bags, but there are enough of them that we can't but encounter a few in our life times! We have to, unfortunately, chalk it up to 'experience'.

But - what about that Most Important Man? My Little Dudes (aka. Atticus and Mae, wasted on catnip right now) are asking about Roy. How's he doing? They'd send some of the 'nip, but will settle for kitty head butts and head licks.

From the Department of Not-Leaving-Well (or not-so-well)-Enough-Alone: Why don't you drop him an email? Really, not to be the Chaser, but just to call him on his BS.

Dear Gutless Wonder,

I was surprised and disappointed that you suddenly stopped calling me. I just thought you should know that your behaviour sucks.

Sincerely,
Deserves Better

so the other day, after my 2 year old did the "pull my finger" trick on me, my husband said:

"see, the real reason god created women was so that our kids wouldn't grow up to be perpetual adolescents."

only, i think there's a hole somewhere in that theory a.) because my husband is the one who TAUGHT him the pull-my-finger trick and b.) because of (excuse me) pussies like this guy.

* * *

on another note, i dreamed last night that my friend and i had really bad service at taco bell, so the manager called us up to her office to compensate us, and IT WAS YOU! ha!

nothing like dreaming about people from the intarweb that you don't even know!

Hey, that sucks. But I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my best pal when this happened to her recently: CALL HIM. Make him explain himself. Because if you don't, you're always going to be wondering, always going to be feeling like crap about it. Seriously: You have the power to know the truth. And the truth might hurt, but sweetie, not nearly as much as the bad fantasies you're going to conjure up for yourself about this. Call. Hin. Love you!!

Does this guy know you have a blog? I hope so, because there are 125 (and counting) comments basically saying what an ASSHOLE he is. I know it's not much, but perhaps you could take comfort in knowing that he is now aware that women and men across the country detest him...

Hmmmm... Do you know any very embarrassing or morally compromising stories of He Who Never Calls? Enquiring minds want his no-call karma to catch up with him on the internets.

I think this is one of the biggest mysteries of life. I never understood the whole LR thing. That just happened to me. The sucky thing is we've been dating for a while, and made a pact not to do the LR thing. And yet it's been 3 weeks since I heard from him. So much for pact. It's just effin' mind blowing.

Maybe I will buy a copy of the 'Men are from Mars...' book.

Ah, the fabulous life of being single. Isn't it grand?

Hi, Commenter 129 here. Delurking. I am compulsively addicted to your blog, by the way.

I just wanted to say: yup, he's a chickenshit and doesn't deserve your attention. I don't why some men are so frightened of being forthright - those types should learn to grow a pair and world would be a better place.

There will be the right guy for you - you might have to sift through a few arseholes. It is inevitable, here's why: you're cute, funny as hell, self-sufficient, and like beer. Every man's dream once/if they get over the frat-boy stage. He will probably show up when you least expect it.

For his sake, I really hope he's in a box in guantanamo.

Ahem.

What a jerk.

Happened to me too, with a guy I'd known for seven years before we went out on a 'date' and then never heard from again. I knew guys did stuff like that, but I didn't think this one would do it to me. I was seriously wrong on that count, but I just chalked it up to experience.

I'm single in my 40's (with three cats), but you know what? I refuse to believe all men are jerks, you just have to keep looking until you meet the ones that won't do things like this!

weasel.
chalk it up to the first post-divorce dating experience - it was bound to be a doozy. now that's out of your way and you're free to meet someone more suitable. that's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

I guess I'm in the minority here (not that I don't think the Lone Ranger act is very unpleasant to experience).

But men are different from women. It's not easy for them to explain themselves if they just don't find the "relationship" worth it from their perspective.

It doesn't mean that the woman is somehow worthless. It means that the guy got back together with his ex girlfriend, or he has a big project at work, or he just realized that there was a basic incompatability and...and he just doesn't have the words to explain any of that so he bolts. And he doesn't say anything.

And remember, women have their own unattractive ways of dealing with ending things, we just don't tend to use the lone ranger gambit.

I agree with Mandy about sending an email, but I'd word it a little differently and I'd wait a day or two before sending. As an example:

"Dear XYZ,

I've been pretty surprised about your pulling this disappearing act. I liked you and thought we were friends. This isn't how one friend treats another.

I'm really disappointed in you. I thought you were a stand up guy"

If you let him know that his behavior is wrong, then it shows that he's the one with the problem and not you. And once you can express that, you can start to feel better.

But try (and I know this is really hard) not to take all this personally. This is just his way of dealing with stuff. It's not like he's going to treat the next woman any differently than he treated you.

He should have said something. It really isn't that hard.
It sucks, because your mind takes over your thoughts and you imagine way too many situations that don't even exist.
When all you need is the truth and perhaps a friendly goodbye.
Life is a challenge but you handle it well. Hang in there sweetie.

Best thing to do...ignore the asshole. Then he'll wonder why you aren't chasing his sorry ass around and call. Then you can exact major revenge on the jerk by NOT going out with him again, because ya'll know he'll ask.

I was "seeing" a man and we had agreed to just go slow since neither of us had been in the dating scene for awhile. Then he didn't call for like a month, then he called and invited me over for dinner and I accepted. When I was leaving after dinner I just up and asked him "hey, we agreed to be honest and truthful so I just need to know if you want to see me any more?" He replied "oh I thought you might be wondering. I have just been busy and YES I DO want to keep seeing you." all right then. I went home and never heard from him again. I didn't really care that much about this guy except my ego was hurt so I called another guy I kinda knew on the pretense of asking him for some information and one thing led to another and I have been with him for 5 years now and he is honestly the love of my life and I believe him when he tells me I am his. I might not have called him if the first guy had continued to call me. So I'm just saying that maybe things happen for good reasons. These steps are leading you towards the love of your life. Believe it.
Jan, faithful Crazy Aunt Purl reader

"Because I believe I speak for all women here when I say WE HATE YOU WHEN YOU JUST MYSTERIOUSLY STOP CALLING."

AMEN SISTER!!!!!

(you'd think they'd have caught on to that by now)

Assclown.
Cowardly Assclown!!

If we are existing on the "Living Out Loud" plane of action, I would call/email him as noted in comments above (I especially like Barbara K's and Mandy's). You are taking responsibility for fixing how you feel.

And I totally think it would be funny if he read your blog and saw himself dissed by over 100 people who know him only by how he treated you. (But on the the other hand, that may have been what scared him off - he's not just dating the Purl, but her cats and all her cyberstalkers!)

Oh gosh, I would never tell anyone about the website. I don't tell people I know, even! Not that it's a huge secret or anything, I just don't volunteer it.

I invited a girl from my bus to snb, she's so cool! and I still haven't told her about the website. Besides, he wasn't an innernets sort of guy.

I'm so weird LOL

Miss Laurie,

I don't know what's wrong with that dude, but at least you're not dating tom cruise. That would truly be frightening. We'd have to stage and internets intervention.

Men are strange creatures Laurie. What can I say? I dated a guy once who told me at the end of a particularly great date "I won't be calling you again, you are really pretty and I dont want to marry a pretty girl, they always cheat on you. Anyway Bye". I am telling you I would have preferred nothing to that sh--. Men can be strange. Play cool. Don't get too involved until it is so obvious that he could not leave. That is great advice which I have never personally taken.
take care
Mia

It must be a trend. Seven weeks ago I had two absolutely wonderful dates with a guy with plans for a third date that weekend. He never phoned. Never e-mailed. Never nothing. Truly, this was so out of character for him I thought he died.

Two days ago he called. I asked him if he had an excuse for not calling me for seven weeks. His response? "I'm an asshole?"

Duh.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, Laurie. It sucks, it really does.

when i was young and single i had that happen a few times...PISS ME OFF! yup...everything seems fine and then nothing...then after a long time, they call or show up, trying to act like nothing happened, or call drunk late at night asking for sex...are they fucking out of their minds??? the girl at work just had it happen to her! and the old spontaneous showing up as if nothing happened!!! jeezus! guys do that with their guy friends...but with women, this is a no go...NO WAY! lil shits deserve all the bad juju that comes their way....
btw: that junx thing is an old Italian belief too...i think its an old country thing...dont go believing jinx stuff for a minute girl, youre smarter than that! *hugs*

While the behaviour is not really that polite, I wouldn't call the guy an asshole; I think coward is a more appropriate term. When men do this to women I think it's because they are trying to avoid drama. Like they just can't deal with a potentially upset female and an hour long conversation rehashing 'why, why.' Because they have already mentally checked out, they really they don't care. They just want out the easiest way possible. And because women don't like unfinished business, it's not in women's nature to just accept it after a few days and simply move on. Realize this is his problem.

Honestly, seems it's for the best because if he doesn't have the guts to close things out in a mature and respectful manner. Who wants to be with a guy who can't communicate, anyway?

The simple truth is, men suck sometimes. And you got a big dose of suckage.

Before I started living in sin with Darren, I went out with this guy, Benjamin (NOT Ben, NOT Benji, BENJAMIN), who at the end of our first date said to me, "I had a really nice time, but I know what I'm looking for and you're not it." He, at least, was straightforward.

Another guy didn't call for two weeks, I finally got ahold of him and said, "Look, I don't think this is working."

Do you know what he said? "I agree with that. I guess we won't be talking any more."

There are some good ones, I promise. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

That sucks. Men suck. I'm convinced (although I know the other commenters out there would probably disagree) that this is an LA thing. This had never happened to me before moving here. I've been dumped in some horrible ways (my personal favorite being a hallmark card. and no, I wasn't in high school). But in LA, twice this year so far, this has happened to me-and I don't go on that many dates. I, too, blame grad school. The first time, we had been seeing each other for a while, I left his house one morning, saying that I had plans with friends that night so I couldn't go out with him. Called the next day. Never heard back. Called again a few days later. Never heard back. Two months later I was watching UCLA lose in the NCAA at a bar, turn around and see his smiling face 2 inches from my own. I turned back around and continued drinking my beer. Did he really expect a pleasant "hey, how are you!?"? The same night-and not out of spite, I meet another guy. 3 weeks later, and I get the no call from this second dude! What the hell!? And I cried. A guy I hardly knew, and I cried. Bawled, really. Twice, in 2 months! What is it with the men out here?

When it comes down to it, in neither case did I want to know "why." I just didn't want the awful pain of ignorance, the thinking "should I call, should I not call? If I had tried to call earlier would it have made any difference?" Why can't they just say, you know, I just don't see things working out. Yes, it's painful, but ultimately less so than the void of nothingness filled with your own nightmares and insecurities. Really, it's just not necessary. or helpful.

I think there should be a mandatory class teaching men how to treat women. Certify them. Give them papers. Like obedience school.

I can't wait to do this to a man. This time I am being spiteful.

What a weenie! It would be so much more fair if the chicken, cowardly ones had some kind of mark on them you could see under a black light or something, you know, a stripe on the end of the nose or something, so we can avoid believing they are ok. What a jerk. There are better ones out there, just going to take some sifting. Damnit.

Good gravy. What a wanker.

You can do better. You deserve more.

Okay, here's a suggestion. Wait a few more days, then call and tell him you're sorry you haven't called in so long, but there was a family emergency, you had to fly home for a week (or so), and while you were back home, you ran into an old (male) friend, who, as it turns out, has always been in love with you. You don't know how it happened or what changed, but you now realize that you find your old friend really rocks your world and...well...(*blush*)...rocked you pretty damn good, too. You're soooooo sorry that you didn't break it off with CA boy first, of course, but...well...heat of the moment and all that shit. And besides, y'all weren't really serious, right? I mean, he agrees that a few dates and kisses were fun but not a commitment, right? Good, you're glad he's not upset. So, you just wanted to be an adult about it and do the responsible thing; that's why you're calling to tell him that you can't see him anymore. Buh-bye!!

What say ye?

I got this in a silly email this mornign and thought of your post... had to share.

APPLES & WINE
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is
brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Been there . . . on my birthday no less. Jackasses.

But at least you've dipped your toes in the dating pool again.

these things happen . . . to EVERYONE, including me. Move on, and don't take it personally. Trust me on this one.

The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love

I find this book to be particulary theraputic after I've had to deal with a scum sucking pig bastard from Hell...particularly the He Who Never Calls Again variety of that species.

Like you I just love men, but sometimes you have to wonder at what price your sanity and sense of self-worth do you love them?

If you liked him, why not give him a call? Even if it's just to yell and scream and carry on (I know we shouldn't but come on ladies...we've all been there). He'll have to say something. And who knows, maybe he's in the hospital unable to dial your number due to some freakish blackberry accident....

Boys Suck! We should throw rocks at them.

I wasn't going to say anything. Really. Now after reading the comments, I'd like to add my 2 cents worth...

I believe in holding people responsible for their actions. I would call and ask him why he has ceased to call you. If he hems and haws, evading in giving you a straight answer, at least you will have tried to make him accountable for his lack of decency and civility.

No one deserves to be abandoned, even in the early stages of a budding romance. I'm sorry his lack of kindness and consideration has hurt you.

what a jerk! you are too nice a person to give him 7 days of no calling before the, "he better be dead." thought runs through your mind... mine is much faster... like day 2. there are lots of jerks out there, but there are sweethearts too! wishing you all the best and hoping that you find the sweethearts out there!

I would second the above advice about holding this man responsible for his actions. There is the long-shot, of course, that something very serious happened-- perhaps sickness, death in the family, etc. that pre-empted him calling you. Not likely, but you should feel empowered to find out exactly what happened. The above post said it well-- no one deserves to be abandoned.

I feel your angst. Dating sucks!

By the way, can I steal that last line from you and use it randomly?

We've all dated the disappearing guy. It's not about you - it's their deal. There's a lot of pressure when it's your first guy back, but try not to let it bother you. Just chalk it up to his problem and move on. Don't let his spineless behavior stop you from dating other great men. I mean, you did date and you did have a good time, right? He's not the only man out there.

What. An. ASS.

I have to say, though - I totally thought I was the only person who got, as you say, Lone Rangered. It never seemed to happen to any of my friends, at least not at the same level of frequency it did to me. My worst one involved a guy calling and telling me he was coming to visit for the weekend, then never showing up or calling again.

My only advice is that that it's NOT a good idea to drink a bunch of bourbon and then call him and leave a voice mail laughing at him and saying his actions make no sense, unless he has "some secret girlfriend [you] don't know about."

(I'm so ashamed that I've actually done that!)

I really like a previous commenter's suggestion that you dump him. Excellent plan!

Dump him and move on. Forget he exists. I've been there. I tried calling the idiot, I even asked point-blank if he just didn't want to see me anymore. He assured me that everything was fine. A few weeks later, through a mutual acquaintance, I was told he didn't want to hear from me anymore, and that he wished I would "Just leave him alone." I was stunned, mainly because I had offered him an out... and I do not make scenes.

Really. He's an immature, cowardly ass. Call him if you want some kind of closure, but other than that, forget about him. He's not worth your time.

Heh. Reminds me of a remark Craig Ferguson made on one show. He said that most men "...aren't worth a toss before 35." and I think he's right.

I dated a guy who one day told me that he was falling in love with me. He then had to leave on a business trip. A week later he left me a message to say that he was back and really looking forward to seeing me but he had a class that evening and would call me when he got home. I guess he must have gone to BOARDING SCHOOL because I never heard from him again.

I soooooooooo feel your pain...BTDT...((((HUGS)))).
At one time, after having "live-in bf II" up and leave, I thought...gee, maybe there IS something wrong with me and I dont know...wouldnt that be crappy? I mean, I'm intuitive and all but maybe I just dont see ME. Many broken hearts later, I decided to love myself and be happy WITH myself and began to realize..it IS them..yes..it is. Dont give up, there ARE nice guys out there (I promise), I am SOOOOO proud of you for stepping out there into the dating world. OK, this is long enuf...

Love Ya Bunches!

You know - I have been reading your blog for a while now and this is my first post. I can totally relate to your situation!
You can't call him and play the poor pathetic dumpee, and you can't wait forever for the call that will never come. But, you want closure - and are unsure how to get it?

Sometimes closure comes in other ways. You realize aren't going to let his foul treatment of you change who you are! You're awesome and if he doesn't realize that - he's not worth your time.

Consider it closed.

You know - I have been reading your blog for a while now and this is my first post. I can totally relate to your situation!
You can't call him and play the poor pathetic dumpee, and you can't wait forever for the call that will never come. But, you want closure - and are unsure how to get it?

Sometimes closure comes in other ways. You realize aren't going to let his foul treatment of you change who you are! You're awesome and if he doesn't realize that - he's not worth your time.

Consider it closed.

Three words: "men are cowards"

I'm sorry this happened, having been there myself it is never fun. It doesn't make it any easier if you view your time together as simple enjoyment and you have no plans to make anything permanent and you are just having fun. The last guy who did that to me I was able to confront and his excuse? "I just didn't want to hurt you..." Craptacular coward! No you just didn't want the possibility of conflict or hurt feelings. Stupid him, if he had just told me that he didn't think we should see each other anymore I would have been a hella more understanding than him not returning my call. As it was I didn't speak to him for a year I was so mad. Men can be such dicks and no don't bother to call him.

Oh and the pantyliner analogy almost made me spew coffee. Got to stop drinking fluids when I read your blog.

Sorry that was a sucky beginning of the re-dating, but don't let it be the last! Get back on that horse!

For some reason, the same men who can be brave in the boardroom or on the battlefield are utter chickensh*ts when it comes to romantic stuff. At least you did go on some dates and now you're available when a better class of guy comes along.

Hang in there because it most certainly isn't YOU...it's him and his cowardice!

Laurie-- I'm so sorry. What a coward. I too had this happen to me once or twice.

He wasn't good enough for you or worth your time anyway.

Not to scare you or anything, but that has happened to me multiple times since I came back on the dating scene (after 18! years of couplehood). My fave was the guy who called me after missing a date we had planned to celebrate his birthday. "I'm so sorry, every year I get this thing...bronchial, and I am actually in the hospital." He was out of town, so I couldn't go see him. Never called me again...and I really did think he might have died. Really did check the obits. I asked a male friend about it and he said that I probably scared him off, asking too much committment too early. When I told him about what had transpired between this guy and me, his reply was "What can I say, sometimes we men can scare ourselves off..." But the upshot of the story...about a year later I saw him in an IKEA with another woman. He looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place him. What I loved though, is he STARED at me...that was that I noticed first, this weird man staring at me. Once I remembered who he was, I was SO tempted to walk up and tell him that I was glad to see that he was still alive, and really freak out the woman that he was with...my good sense got the better of me though...

It's tough to decide which word is better: asshat or f*cktard? Or both? I dated a guy like that once who would, after the first "disappearance" email me every six months or so to "check in." Three weeks of dating, then ::poof!:: gone, and then bi-annual check ups? WTF... Hang in there, Laurie, and love your life like cake. Fun with boys is like frosting.

You know this has nothing, abso-freakin'-lutely NOTHING to do with you, right?? RIGHT????

You are special, you are loved, and you deserve so much better than a man who clearly has no manners/common decency. Don't believe me?? I think the 174 comments on this post alone should tell you how much people care about you.

That guy should be at home pissing his pants, he's got a buttload of angry knitters out for his blood.

I feel like anything I want to say to you has already been said or will sound trite. Just be good to yourself and know that lots of people are thinking of ya and wishing you the best.

Aw, Laurie, I'm so sorry. We all have been there haven't we? Who knows what goes on in the minds of men.

Maybe - and don't hate me because I am a complete dating disaster - but what if he thought you were going to call him and this is all a big ugly misunderstanding? Maybe I'm a ridiculous optimist but couldn't that be the case?

If not he's an ass.

Oy...that's truly lame. If you wanna give him one more call to find out wtf, I think that's legit. If you're ready to write this off, you have every reason to. IMHO, you're better off waiting for someone who doesn't play any games--life's too short!

Honey-
He's a guy--aka: a squirrel in a man-suit a la "Men in Black".
Erase his number, lose his email, devote a good 15 minutes to eradicating every means of getting ahold of him when you're drunk or otherwise. Trust me, you'll be happer for it.
You've been a mature, discreet adult about this (Hell, WAAYY better then me, trust me!) and now it's time to order a sundae or a piece of cheesecake the size of your head, wallow in eating it one night, and then go out dancing with your best girl friends in order to work off the calories the next night. Then get your nails done, buy some new underwear and put an ad up on match.com or something else to get your pretty little self back out in circulation.
He's either long-gone or in the ever-wonderful "Oh CRAP I really like this woman, what the hell's a squirrel like me supposed to do NOW" panic state and no call from you is gonna change either one.
Don't let ANYONE give you "oohh poor woogums is probably feeling sad that you didn't call hizzzums when he didn't call YOU and is all sulky-wulky because his widdle feelings is hurt" crap.
Bullshit. If a guy is truly over-the-moon crazy about a girl, he'll do everything, including climb the nearest cell tower and hijack it in order to call her. Unless you've been informed by his next-of-kin, that man is deep in squirrel country now, and you just gotta let him be.
YOu rock, and he wasn't ready to deal with it.
NEXT!

Rat bastard...egg his house. He clearly has no balls.

Honey, it's not you. He's just a low down pathetic coward. Try to remember the short(er*) version of the serenity prayer: God will get him.

None of us need that kind of aggravation in our lives. If he does have the balls to call you back, kick him to the curb.

*The shortest version is, of course, "fuck it."

Speaking from experience, women are just as guilty as men when it comes to NOT CALLING. I figure if you call a girl and she doesn't call back after your third try, you can safely assume you've been dumped. As shitty as it is, what's worse are the endless lame excuses as to why someone can't see you over the weekend. This method for a breakup basically relies on the dumpee to either A) read between the lines, or B) finally get so exasperated that you give up. This method is particularly bad because, if you really like someone, you believe their lame excuses and hold out hope for what can be an humiliatingly pathetic length of time.

Had that happen recently. Hang out all the time, make out like teenagers, talk on the phone and make tentative plans for the weekend, and *poof*... disappears for three weeks.

But I am the very soul of persistence. As soon as I heard (love those small towns and their gossip) that he was definitely back in town, I emailed, and then called, and then we hung out some more... and I basically acted like nothing happened, except for teasing him about being a flake.

And stuff seems to have settled out OK. I think. 'Cause he's out of town again now... but hope springs eternal and all that. And he said himself "persistence is the key".

So if you really like him just wait a week, then start stalking his house. ;-)

My guess is his wife found out he was dating you. (Oh yes, this happened to me.)

What is also likely to happen is that he will call you 3 or 6 months from now, relatively late at night, and say he wants to catch up with you.

This, my friend, is what's known as a "booty call."

There has not been one disappearing-act Lone Ranger in my entire history of dating that did not booty call me months later. It took a while but it always gave me the last word.

Which was "NO"

(or "hell no" or "no thanks" or "who are you again?")

What weird timing. The guy I've been dating for 2 months fell off the face of the earth last week. Reading this made me laugh, and it was very much needed!

oh crap girl....
where to begin...lol

I agree with Rachel...
basicly once you find out some one is no good...NIP it in the bud girl!!!

If you had a pack of meat out on the counter and the cats knocked it upside down on the floor and ate half of it.....would you STILL eat it? UMMMM...No...I doubt it. But a man would !!!! lol

I was also raised in the south....(I'll try to make a long story short) I was taught to NEVER call a man.....and I must say....until you're totally in love....that was good advice.....don't humiliate yourself!
I also never "put out" until a man was saying "I love you"
This sometimes took a couple months. But IF they don't call you...it IS because they don't want to!Whatever their freaky reason.

I have 3 sons ,who are now young adults.....and I am the first one to KNOW that men are scum!!
Especially when they are young.

They are just trying to get laid...and even when they are on vacation at their moms house....even though they have steady girlfriends ...for years....they are out at the strip clubs!

And even the OLDER guys have this mentality.

And of course how can they remember a girl they barely know ...when a stripper will do all this shit for a dollar??

I KNOW it's ugly....but I got it right from the source.
My sons "talk " to me becuase my last husband shot himself...the ultimate betrayal....
so ...I had to be the man ..at 33.
Just when I learned how to live alone with my 3 sons, 3 cats and 2 pitbulls .....I met my current husband.....
oh ..ha ha ...nope it wasn't all happily ever after....
it takes about 3 years just to learn to live with another person in harmony. :-)
AND ...THEN...I had to live through his midlife crisis...
BUT now ....* years later.....LIFE is grand!!!!
Hang in there girl and KEEP your southern values...it stands out in the crowd. LOL
BTW love your diary ..and I don't even know how to knit.

I've been there. My senior year in high school I was asked out by and dated a guy (who'd graduated the year before) for two whole weeks.

He would call me *literally* two or three times a day from his various gigs (he was studying to be a chef), that first weekend he took me to see Robert Plant play (with Joan Jett opening) and wouldn't let me pay for a thing and damn, he was a good kisser. Really spoiled me attention-wise.

I think I maybe had to call him once or twice in that time -- he initiated all other communication. Which was kinda cool and sweet.

Then all of a sudden - complete NOTHING. I called him ONCE to say "hi" (translation: are you still alive?). That weekend I hung out partying at my friend S's (who was also this guy's best friend) and he randomly showed up not knowing I'd be there and after gaping uncomfortably and leaving, I finally got S to tell me wtf was going on.

The guy told S that he thought *I* was getting too serious.

Me.

The one who was GETTING called three times a day, not chasing him around. The one who totally agreed that we'd just be seeing each other rather than jump in and "go steady." I was the farthest thing from being serious, thankyouverymuch. I mean, it'd been less than two freaking weeks, for heaven's sake. We barely knew each other!

Riiiighhhtt....

So, basically, he freaked out all on his own and decided that a sudden cut-off of communication would be the natural solution to his irrational fears. *growl*

He still lives in my town (married even, I heard) and I've seen him once or twice in Stop & Shop (I don't know if he recognized me). Part of me still wants a full explanation, but the rest of me thinks, hey, when I think more positively about it, he's the first guy *I* broke without even trying.

Maybe you broke this guy, too!

I wish I lived near you, we could go on a Manhunt together! Have fun and never call them back ~ ha ha ha

I can (unfortunately) totally relate. You go along living your life which is busy and fulfilling, and then something will happen to reming you that as busy and fulfilling as life is there's an empty space. Dammit.

that happened to me JUST LAST WEEK! he was talking about us going on a trip this summer, and asked me out for the next night, and...poof! he was gone....i try not to overanalyze...and just be glad that he left before i got way too attached!

Hullo?!?! Dearhearts!

Why do we always jump on the guy and let ourselves feel bad?

Benefit of the doubt, dears! If you care for someone, then take re