Thank you for being brave enough to "write down" your fears. It does people good to be reminded that although home is comfortable, you need to LIVE this life. And because of your bravery, many crazy knitters are getting that reminder right now. (Like me!)

I wondered, Carey, am I the only one who has a Fear Life? Or do other people get scared the way I do?

I sometimes let my fears take over and keep me from doing fun stuff, too. The important thing is to make incredible memories with your friends when you are there, and from what it sounds like, you have some great friends!

jalyn... I don't want fear to keep me tethered anymore. Oh, it is so hard, though! I thank you so much for saying you have fear, too. I worry... am I the only one who fears?

I sometimes worry, or fear, that I am the only one with these fears too! And don't worry i also do that whole nostalgia thing about damn near everything!

It's OK to have fear - and Fear. People with real lives have fear. It's human nature, and it takes a unique kind of bravery to face it head on. Go to Paris, be loved by your friends, and f/Fear be damned! (and of course, bring back wonderful stories for this incredible blog of yours!)

I am 46 and I have a fear life. Right now, 3 years after a divorce, I am going to move away from my home to a whole new town. I am really excited, but what if I can't find a job? What if I don't meet any new friends? What if it isn't everything I am hoping it will be? I think the key is doing it anyway, even if the fear is there. As a fellow southern girl, sometimes I think we were really taught to fear things. I have never been a risk take, and now, selling my house and my business and moving to a new town is a huge risk for me.

I will be fine and you will be fine. Actually, I believe you will be better than that, as soon as you get that he wasn't good enough for you, and rather than not feeling creative around you, I think he felt threatened by you and your incredible writing talent!@!!!

ah, this is what it's all about then: the moment you fess up and say, " I am scared" and other women say, "I get it." Thank you. so much!

You are sooo not the only who fears. We are all checking into your site because you are so real and human and we see a lot of ourselves in you. My day is not complete without seeing your site and smiling. You give so much joy to all of us. We want you to feel that, too. You will be fine and your cats will be fine. Enjoy!

Ginnie -- I hear you. I do believe as southern women we are taught to fear things. Why is that??? I was cleaning my house today in prep for my trip, talking on the phone to my friends, they aren't afraid the way I am. is it the southerness? is it the fear life? I want to be free of it so much.

kes-- thank you :)

You're welcome!

I say that if you're living the Fear Life anyway, you might as take it to Paris.

I have a Fear life, but I didn't realize that what it was until you wrote about yours. Recently, I've left the fear life take over and it isn't pretty. It's tough stuff to wrestle it back to the real life.

You are certainly not the only one visited by the Fear. Every time I am away from home overnight or longer, I am convinced the cat will get sick or hurt and die because I wasn't there, or an appliance I didn't unplug will catch fire and burn the place down (which will scare/hurt/kill the feline), or the creepy landlord/maintenance guy will invent an "emergency" to let himself into my apartment and do God Knows What and I will be violated... and so forth.

None of these things has ever happened, but I still worry every time. Whatever the reason for the Fear -- and I don't know the reason -- none of the bad things ever happen.

You'll be fine. The cats will be fine.

Paris will be wonderful. Take pictures for us.

Hi Laurie: I'd be willing to bet I'm your oldest reader(55!--how did I get so old?!), but I could have written, though I'm sure not as well, what you've said about fear. The important part is that you wrote it down, publicly, no less, and that you're going anyway. The first time I traveled with my then new husband, way back in 1977, east of the Mississippi, I was terrified. I ended up being terribly crabby, but it was fear, I know now. Remembering our travels are now some of my most cherished memories (and I trust my husband has gotten past being traumatized by my uber-crabbiness)-- and it was only going "back east." You'll have a great time--anyone who cranked open the bathroom window to take in Paris can't miss. :-)

N'as pas peur, ma belle... Paris is an excellent place for the melancholy, whether they want to wallow in it with Edith Piaf and red wine and long walks, or banish it with... Edith Piaf and red wine and long walks. You will have a much better time sans Monsieur X. Think of all zee French men whose hearts you will break...

Ginnie: you're right, the key is doing it anyway. After all, even if you're living the Fear Life, but you Do It Anyway, after a while, you're living the Real Life.

Godspeed to anyone who is just trying to figure it all out, and to soldier on when it all seems to much. That is when the best parts of life happen. That is when you surprise yourself.

Laurie-- there is nothing to fear but fear itself, right? Yeah, I don't believe that too much either. I can TOTALLY appreciate your fears. I still have them too. I will probably always have them. If you can find the balance between Real Life and Fear Life, then you will be fine. Just don't let one or the other take over completely, and I don't think you have. You are challenging yourself to keep that balance, and it's not easy, but you are doing it. And remember, Paris is a really big city. I fell in love with it too. My only child, my little son, was conceived there. (Remember that Disney vacation commercial about the little baby being "our little souvenir"? My son is our little souvenir from Paris.) So I have very good memories of the place too. But it's very big-- big enough to have new adventures and try some new things. Maybe take a day trip out to Versailles if you haven't done that. It's spectacular! Or take a day to check out EuroDisney just because you can! Or something else very different from your last trip. You need to make new memories of a new and independent person that you are. ;-) *hugs*

Laurie, I've been lurking for a while and really enjoy reading your blog. Today though, your entry clarified things I've been lately thinking about. I'm going through a transition (a good one!) which will change a lot of things about my life. Efforts are made to supress The Fear but it creeps in. Once it gets its foot in the door it barges in, sweeping everything else aside. And it's not possible to fear just one thing. The Fear Life encompasses all past and potential Fear. It's overwhelming. It's sometimes hard to insist that The Real Life must be the one lived. I relate to the nostalga thing too. I'm sad and nostalgic for my old life (which I've not finished living yet!). It's a kind of grieving for a loss - because some situations and feelings have gone and can't be lived through again.

Anyway, this is long winded for a first comment! Thank you for sharing your life, thoughts and insights. I (and clearly many others!) appreciate it.

Sorry, nostalgia, no nostalga. In my Fear Life I can't spell.

Just think how proud you're going to be of yourself!

Don't forget to bring back little kitty berets!

There's nothing wrong with nostalgia - nothing wrong with remembering the past. Would you be the same Laurie now without that first trip to Paris then? Would you be the same Laurie without having had Mr. X in your life? The important thing is to not become overwhelmed with the past. The Fear Life is related to the past, because it's all about change.

You'll be fine, we know you will be - and, personally, I'm glad others have the same irrational kitty fears I do!

Oh, this is such a relief. Just to know I'm not the only one.

As someone who has lived with fear my whole life - even to the point of being housebound for more than a year - I can tell you that you should be danged proud of yourself. It's easy to do something easy. Yes, you're afraid, but you're going to GO! And with friends you know LOVE you. You're not letting the fear stop you. And as you're making new memories with true friends and seeing Paris in a whole new light, the fear will recede little by little. You'll come home with much more than the average traveller will - you'll come home both having had a marvelous time and knowing that it took more effort for you to do it than other people. Can you tell that I'm speaking for experience?

Go light up that great city with your smile, Laurie. You're an inspiration to many.

I am so glad you're going to Paris again to experience it for YOU, not for *you and him*. Know that city for YOURSELF and you'll have a mind-blowing experience. You plus Paris plus best friends equals --- HOLY CRAP I'M JEALOUS!!

I've been to Europe twice, alone, doing the backpacking thing, and both trips changed my life. And I can say those words truly, without being cheesy.

I'm headed to London, Spain and France in April, baby!!!

ah, Fear and I, first name basis. Sorry you are, too. Working with a lot of blue collar men and having to be taken seriously has taught me to acknowledge Fear, and if it gets invades my personal space, I push back. But that is just me.

And the kitty thing, I was so scared that old, blind Tucker was going to have some sort of issue when I was gone last week. I prepared my friends who were looking after the posse. Guess what, nothing happened, except grey fur got EVERYWHERE.

No, you are not the only one. Enjoy Paris for me and tell me all about it when you come to Alaska.

Oh Laurie, you are not alone. It can't be southerness because I am not southern. It must be the Fear Life. I'm afraid. I grapple with it every day, every g-d damn day and I'm not even going to Paris. I fear things like going to yoga class for the first time.

My ex jaunts off to NYC and Vegas with new women and I mourn... because if I went to either of those cities, I would be maudlin, crying, and remembering the romantic moments (the first time he said 'i love you', the first time we danced together, drunkenly, at a club in Vegas, the romantic dinners), but him? He just goes with other women. Like it doesn't matter.

And, if I'm brutally honest with myself, the trips really weren't all that great. The relationship really wasn't all that great. But it still hurts so damn much.

Also? I may or may not be red-whined. It's a distinct possibility, except that I was drinking margaritas tonight on a date. A date on which I sat thinking of my stupid ex.

And now I've confessed all my secrets to your comments. Like a crazy person. Fabulous.

You're not alone. I battle the fear life every damn day. I battle hermitude. I do it because the Real Life is better, even if it's scary.

Thanks for your beautiful post, you totally made me cry.

Laurie ... you're doin' just fine, girl. Just fine. You write about that fear thing, and how you are going about your life despite it. I have all those fears, and a lot more. I don't go about my life, I just survive from one day to the next the best way I know how. I have my yarn, my cats and my fears to hold close at night. My fears don't ever come true though, but life finds all kinds of other Bad Things to throw at me.
It's like a game. If I imagine a fear happening, really visualize it, make it all real in my head, seeing, smelling, hearing all the stuff that goes with the Bad Thing ... it never happens. I've had this figured out for a long time now. But other Bad Things happen. So, I spend a lot of time imagining Bad Things ... and being afraid. That doesn't leave any time for Real Life.
But I pretend. I take the laptop down to the coffeeshop that has wifi and I sit and surf, never talking to anyone, eyes only on my own screen, for an hour or so. And I am so proud of myself because I Went Out and Did Something.
I used to be the life of the party, I used to love to be around people and have fun. But too much Real Life happened to me and the Fear got too big and I gave up. So I hide. With my yarn, my cats ... and the Fear.

You're doin' just fine, Laurie. You'll be OK.

I lurk about your blog everyday...finally revealing myself. Hi! I just wanted to say I think you're amazing.

You are not alone in this Laurie! I can totally relate to what you're saying. Right before I left Florida to move to Massachusetts I had a horrible two weeks even though I had planned everything out and had the support of my family and friends. Anxiety attacks, second guessing. And then: two flat tires, a 24-hour flu, my new ATM card wouldn't work, etc. etc. I was like, are these SIGNS I shouldn't go, or what??

The only thing that got me on the road when the time came was that my Mom hugged me and said "If you feel like turning back, you can at any time. We are here, remember that." And you know what, half an hour into the trip (after a good cry!) I felt so good! So free, optimistic.

After I thought (obsessed) about why those two weeks were so horrible for me, I realized it was about control. I felt like I was putting myself in a vulnerable place, that new = unknown, like I would have some kind of amnesia about my strengths, my supports, my hard-won wisdom. But the reality is that while we do take our fears and our memories and our perceived "weaknesses" with us, we also take our strengths, our supports and our hard-won wisdom too. They will be there for your too!

It's not a black and white thing. Expect every day on your trip to feel a little bit of everything: happiness, sadness, joy, self-doubt, being content. You WILL be fine. You are taking this new person who you've become with you as well and she is STRONG!

I have a fear life as well.
I'm wanting to travel to Europe for the first time this year (either Paris or Dublin, I'm leaning towards Dublin but am not 100% certain yet)..
I've never been off of our beloved continent either, and I am afraid.
I'm afraid that I'll not understand the currency conversion and be completely BROKE my second day there.
I'm afraid that I'll unknowingly commit some huge cultural faux-pas and offend everyone around me.
I'm afraid that I'll unknowingly break some law and find myself in a foreign prison... yes, my fears do get pretty Bridget Jones-esque.
But, despite all of these fears, I know that it is something that I must do. I must step outside of my comfort zone and experience this vast world that we live in. I NEED to experience different cultures and ways off life, to see the history of our world IN PERSON rather than just reading about it for the umpteenth time. I want to kiss the Blarney Stone and have a pint at the Guinness brewery, to have a glass of wine along the Seine, walk through the Catacombs and the Louvre. I've gotten my passport, now I just need to get the tickets and find a travel buddy... or go alone. Sometimes I think I need to go alone, and discover all of this on my own but then The Fear steps in and tells me that I'll really screw something up big if I venture to a foreign country by myself.

Paris is still all that. Really. I was in Paris at, hey now that I think about it, exactly this time last year. For business. And it still rocked. And is probably so much easier with girlfriends there, because you can make eyes at men on the Metro and not have your male companion whack you with his newspaper.

Dear Laurie,

you're not alone with your Fear (as you've gathered from all the comments). I think it is okay and natural to have Fear, as long as you recognize the beast and deal with it and do not let it take over your life.
My mom let Fear take over her life and she wouldn't even go out on her own to the mailbox... which was 10 yards from the front door. I could see first hand how the Fear can take over someone's life and influence the lifes of those around that person.
When I was 21 I had a small nervous breakdown (I was overworked... I worked 6 hours, went to school for 5 hours and would babysit most nights. In the end I managed to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night) and the Fear took over my life too. I couldn't make the trip to the mailbox either. I would hyperventilate and so on. Anyways, after 3 weeks I recognized what was going on and so I vowed I would NOT become my mom, I would not be chained to a house or depend on someone to come along if I wanted to do something. I fought hard and nasty, but I got away from it. One of my dreams was going to the US. It took me 10 years to plan and make my first trip to the US (my fear of planes was soooooo bad, I couldn't even go to an airport to pick someone up... unrealistic, but another one of my mom's fears and seeped into my personality). I flew to the US all on my own early November 2001. I was realistic enough to go to the doc and ask for tranquilizers (something very light to suppress the worst of the Fear). Since then I've flown several times to the US and to Sweden, I travel alone, but always to visit friends. Yes, I do fear things may happen to my parents or brother, but even so, I'm only a flight away. One of the hardest times to go on vacation was in 2004, 3 weeks after my mom's death, but I HAD to get away.
Just keep recognizing the Fear for what it is and fight it... And if you're playing the "what if" game, ask yourself, what if the cats are having a blast and partying the night away when I'm not around, what if I will be enjoying myself silly and collect all these memories to share on my blog. Counter each negative what if with a positive one.
You will be going with your friends, so you won't be alone. You will see Paris in a new light, as a single woman, who's 11 (I think) years older and wiser and has a new point of view on life. You are now creating your new persona and this trip will be one of many I'm sure.
Sorry this has been a bit long :)
Have a blast in La Belle Ville de Lumières!!!
Cheers Eva - who lives about 300 miles from Paris, but has never been there yet LOL.

You CAN do this Laurie, you've taken the first steps you are booked to go that was the worst thing actually booking. Now you go girl and enjoy the heck of it:) I know what you are going through, I left my first husband after 16 years of utter nightmare and it was only when my youngest was of an age to leave that I actually did it. First thing I did? Went over to Paris and had a ball but couldn't believe this was me Amber doing stuff on her own and being allowed to. YOU give yourself permission to have fun
amber in England

Your fear life sounds SO familiar. Look at it this way: Your Fear Life is somewhat useful in that it helps you prepare thoroughly for being away - cat sitters and backups, housewatching neighbors, etc. Beyond that, it's not your Real Life and you have to keep reminding yourself of this. I have to do it EVERY time I go out of town, even for a day. You're another Cancerian woman, we are territorial about our houses and our babies (pets) and it's natural that we can't leave them without angst. But we can leave them and they'll be fine. I do the same inner dialog and I have learned to yell at myself when it starts, because it really is ridiculous. I have tried to come up with a new mental image whenever it starts - something I really want to do that distracts me from my exaggerated fears.

As for Paris - it's going to be much more fun to see it with girlfriends who, like you, are cute, single, and open to adventure. Just like with that mental Fear Talk, when Nostalgia Talk starts, train yourself to break out of it by spotting men with nice butts, or women's shoes you covet, or whatever sounds silly and fun as a new mental Stop Sign to keep you from descending into wallowing in the past. (I do this one too, can you tell? Take it from me - don't make your mental Stop Sign wine or pastry.) You will have a wonderful time, you will come home more liberated from the past you are dragging around and more yourself - a new, improved, travels to Europe on her own self. Take a million pictures!

Tex, I've got you beat age-wise; 56 last week.

Fear and me: we go way back. Probably in the womb I was anxious about being born. I used to fear things like travel. Now I fear things like Alzheimer's. But we keep putting one foot in front of the other, don't we? Real Life *is* better.

Hey, don't worry about the cats. Tell one of your friends or neighbors to post on this blog if anything goes amiss (which it won't) and you'll have thousands of readers at your door with kitty treats, veterinarians, whatever they need. And because we're cyber-friends, we won't drink all your wine. Only some of it.

I too have a Fear Life, though anti-depressents have kind of trimmed it back a little. I think my Mom has a Fear life too, I think she used to be afraid of doing things without my Dad being there. But now she's going to go on a plane by HERSELF! Go Mom! And Go you! It's brave to write down your fears where other people can see them, and now you know that you're not alone.
And your cats will be fine, as long as you bring them back French kitty treats. Otherwise they will sulk.

Well, thank you for naming it. So it's my Fear Life? Mine takes over when I'm alone in the car commuting to work. These scenarios involuntarily run through my head -- my husband dies, something horrible happens to my son....it's always death or coma or brain damamge or I picture them at my funeral. You get the picture. My newest topic is that they bring back the draft just in time to take my child. I never did this before 9-11. I live in the NYC suburbs & while my family was spared, the loss was all around us. I've started to think of it as a therapeutic way to face the what-if's of life. If I didn't do it I think I might go down that bad road & not be able to leave my house.

Go to Paris with your friends & live it. See it through new eyes. Allow yourself to run through what makes you sad, but limit yourself (maybe in the shower? Tiny European showers will help with the limiting part). Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Kelly PS -- you'd better learn the french for "yarn store".

being scared is perfectly okay. letting it rule you? that's another story. i've got an eleanor roosevelt quote pinned on my noteboard at work "Do one thing every day that scares you." simple, but true. fear is a shared experience.

i always search for quotations for times like this. you might want to take a gander at the other brilliant things she said: http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Eleanor_Roosevelt/

say hello to paris for me, i've never met her.

Laurie-a couple of years ago I missed out on a trip to Paris, London and Ireland because I was afraid. I never got my passport because if I did I'd have to go and I let my fear take over. I think you rock. When I read your entry a few days ago about moving to LA to be a writer, I thought damn, she's living my dream. I spent most of my life trying to get out of Memphis and I did, via Ohio, Arkansas and now Florida but I never got to LA. A few years ago I took my first trip alone to meet some stitching friends, my first time away from the spousal unit and the kids, I had never been so scared in my whole life, never traveled by myself. I spent the weekend when I wasn't with my friends crying because I was so homesick. The next trip was a lot better, I had a cell phone. Now I'm better about leaving and hopefully in the not too distant future Paris will be under my feet too. I don't know how much being Southern has to do with any of this, but I so relate to you. Then again being Southern we're probably cousins!

On a lighter note, my husband is now obsessing over growing square watermelons. I'll let ya know how that goes!

Love your brave blog, Laurie. Here's a thing to consider. When you go out into the world (taking all your fears with you) you do everything you can to appear brave, don't you. To appear normal. So people you don't know will thing you are a good and brave and Proper Person. And I expect you're pretty good at it. Meanwhile those exact same people you don't know (out and about with all their own fears), look at you and think, oh look at her, she's OK, I wish I could be good and brave and a Proper Person just like her. And this is the thing to consider: you see all of the inside of yourself but you only see the outside of the other people. If you could see their inside, it would be a lot like yours. Have a great holiday, and have a good hard look at those other people while you're at it. Lesley.

Laurie, as you will have gathered by now, EVERYBODY has a fear life, and, thanks to you, we now know what to call it. Everyone wants to be in control, and none of us is. We can pretend we are, or not think about it, most of the time, and that's the only way we can get ourselves up in the morning and out the door, never mind onto a plane to Paris. We can limit ourselves to the stuff we know, because we seem to have that under control, or we can spread our wings and let the wind catch us.

My DH and I went to France 12 years ago, and odds are good we'll never get to go back (it's a long story). So please take un grand tas de photos, because I want to see it through your eyes if I can't through mine.

First of all, everyone before me here has said it very well...you are SO not alone! I also had a horrible evil ex that really reworked the way I saw myself, and the way I saw the world. He was cruel & heartless & left me a lesser person than when he found me. That was eight years ago, and while it has taken a while (and it's certainly still a work in progress, and probably always will be), I've come so very far, and am growing every day. Um, my thighs are too, but that's besides the point. One thing that's really helped recently has been the knitting, and I can almost guarantee that it will help you in Paris, also. Knit in public, in Paris, and see if folks don't come right up to you & say hello, and what are you making? :) Besides that, it's amazingly calming on the psyche to knit. Not that you didn't know that already, though.

Also, I fear for my Crazy Kitty when I am gone too. She means the world to me, and I'd be absolutely bereft without her. Of course, I only have the one Crazy Kitty, and you have four...to be honest, you haven't mentioned the biggest concern about leaving your four at home alone for so long. I'm seriously thinking that you won't be able to come home after Paris, because under the strong leadership of Sobakowa, they will have staged a violent coup & the entire western seaboard will be under feline control. Of course, they may let you back into LA, largely because you are Provider of Kitty Kibble, but you never know...

Oh, and btw, yarn shop is mercerie, or boutique de laine. You'd best be taking lots of pictures of the french yarn shops, you know.

After reading that beautifully-written and so REAL entry, and all the wonderful comments, and sitting here nodding in agreement, knowing, and *gratitude* to others for putting down things I understand and feel into much more coherent words than I can manage at 8:30am on a Sunday... all I can say is, "I get it. I understand." Maybe that's enough?

I have the same cat fears too, when I go away. I don't really worry about them running out of food or hurting themselves or anything like that - my house is very cat-proofed - but I worry about the house burning down and my cats getting trapped in it. Nobody else I know has these fears, including my boyfriend, who I suspect thinks I'm nuts. LOL

Anyway, thank you for putting yourself out there - as a twice-divorced (gah!) myself, I see myself in what you're experiencing, I guess, but regardless, your blog is one of my favorites. Thanks for being you. :) A real person is such a pleasure to read.

PS - Real Life always wins over Fear Life. Yeah!

I want Paris in the Spring. You will have good friends, good wine and good scenery. You will have it all.

What about the fear that circles the fact that that city "THE Paris" is burning - again? Maybe you want to go back to Poland...

BTW My fear of something happening to my kitties while I am away makes me rent them a hotel room at the vets office - just in case - she can fix them! I am going to Australia in May/June and I am paying the vet $900 to watch my two cats while I am gone... (I'm still in de-NILE over the 24 hour flight!)

You know that old saying, "hindsight is 20/20"? It's hogwash. You alluded to that when you acknowledged that your first Paris experience wasn't all good. But you remember the best parts. And it sounds to me like the best parts were the ones YOU created. So, go do it again. Create a marvelous experience. If you have a meltdown in your wine one evening, just keep in mind that you're going to create better memories tomorrow and THAT'S what will stick with you.

Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a Fear Life. I breathe a huge sigh of relief every time I come home and find my house still standing!

1. FEAR is false evidence appearing real
2. when they show you who they are, believe them
3. death of the illusion is the cruelest blow, but we see clearly after learning the lesson
4. living well is the best revenge
5. what he did to you will be done to him
6. Great Grandmother: always thank the one that got away.......something better is in store

I say just get out there and live. By that I mean have a great time in Paris and make new memories. I used to spend a lot of time worrying but then I realized that I ended up missing out on a lot that life has to offer.

Y'know, bravery isn't being unafraid. Bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway.

And just think, this time next year you'll have a whole new set of Paris memories and I bet they'll be wonderful.

Welcome to the human race, Laurie -- we've all got fears. But it takes super-human courage to take that step, while you're still afraid, into the unknown. And look at you -- all super-human and stuff! Kudos! :-)

Have a fantastic trip. I predict this one will surpass in fabulous-ness and fun all previous trips to Paris, and leave you with a lingering fantastic memories to warm you for years to come.

As long as you have those things that anchor you -- family, friends (including your cyber buddies), cats, a wee bit of wine -- you should do/face those things that scare you the most...these are the things that will make you proud of yourself and bring the greatest personal reward.

Thank you (merci beaucoup) for inspiring, and challenging, us all to do this in our own lives.

Bonne voyage!

Laurie, for some people the Fear Life rules...indefinitely. They never get to the point that you're at, where you can distinguish Real Life from the Fear Life and pick-and-choose which side of the fence to be on.

Take law school, for example. The last two years have gotten my knickers into such a hideous twist that sometimes I can't remember which end is up. Knitting helps, as does the occasional dose of alcohol (maybe I don't drink ENOUGH?), but the key has really been screwing my head back on and deciding what I want. Um...I've almost got this under control. But the Fear Life won't win.

Real Life shall triumph, Paris will rock, and the Insane Cat Posse will be fine. I'm with Anne - tell your cat-sitters to post on CAP, and a legion of local readers will arrive at your door. See? Soba really *will* rule the world, just while you're away!

Fear life? I live it. As a homebody type, it's easy for me to stay in my cozy cocoon. In the days leading to 9-11, I had a scary health issue, my pop had a stroke, and then Sept. 11 happened. I feared for: my son driving to college calling to ask what's happening, the younger one in first year high school wondering the same thing, my mom taking 4 hours to drive to my father's hospital (a 1/2 hour ride usually), my sister barely making it out of Manhattan before they shut down the city. Staying home on the couch was the best I could do for all the fear.

This year my pop passed away, and it's all back again.
If it wasn't for good friends to drag me out, I would find it very difficult. Fear comes when I need to go somewhere alone, but I have pushed myself past it, to find I really can do it.

So be glad you have great friends to help you. Thanks for your great post. It helped me recognize myself and name it.

Oh Laurie, you are certainly not the only one with a Fear Life! I have one too, and am unfortunattely living it too much now instead of Real Life, and I so admire you for not letting yourself do that!! It's so great that you're going to Paris! You'll do wonderful, if you start to feel sad your best friends will be right there, and your cats will be fine!!!

Okay, so we now know that most of us have a "fear life" and that none of us like it. So, I submit to you (and you and you) that we should get rid of it. I'm not saying get rid of the awareness of a possible bad outcome that keeps us from getting trashed and going home with men we don't know -- there's an at-least-pretty-darn-good chance that will not turn out well, so the apprehension that keeps us safe is not such a bad thing. But here's why I think we need to get rid of the other kind of fear -- the obsessive, paralysing, irrational stuff that I think we're talking about here.

We grow up thinking that if good things happen to us and we aren't appropriately grateful or thankful for them or humble about them, bad things will follow to "teach us better." So, in an effort to keep bad things from happening to us, we downplay the good things or we in some other way ameliorate their wonderfulness for fear the gods that make life "fair" will notice that we're skating along too happily and not appropriately aware of our good fortunes, and they'll send down a bucketload of shit to punish us for enjoying ourselves a little too much.

I think what we're talking about is what I call "pre-emptive worrying." I am just positive that if I worry about something in advance, I can keep it from happening. Stupid, huh? And what I've learned is that what's going to happen is going to happen whether or not I spent time worrying about it in advance. (The only difference is that occasionally I get to say, "See? Told you that'd happen." And getting to say that makes it not one bit better or worse.) I mean, sure, if you leave the stove on high, lay a couple of dishrags on it, and pour a little gas on the furniture, you have DEFINITELY upped the odds of your house burning down -- I'm not saying be completely careless about how you walk around the planet. I'm just saying that you take reasonable precautions and then you go on. Putting in "worry time" over a specific hazard won't ward it off or bring it closer -- it's just a waste of the time you could have spent drinking wine and joyfully anticipating the time of your life with your buds in Paris!!

I don't know this for sure, but maybe some of it comes from that fact that you seem to have been a wonderful wife to Mr. X. You loved open-heartedly, with passion and without reservation. You put everything you had into your relationship, and didn't sit around pre-emptively worrying that he might leave you in search of his "creativity" and that MUST be the reason that it happened. But I think I can safely assure you, Laurie, that your marriage would probably not have been happier or remained intact if you HAD thought to pre-emptively worry about its ending. If you had feared its ending throughout the marriage, you would have been miserable and you would have probably made Mr. X miserable, and the ending would have been altogether different and uglier and you would have carried the guilt, wondering if you contributed to its demise by wallowing in and being distracted by your worries. As it is, you get the freedom of knowing you did it all right -- and he's a through-and-through asshole all by himself.

So, try not to pre-emptively ward off any of the possible upcoming nostalgia or melancholy by worrying now about whether or not it will come. It either will or it won't, and I don't think worrying about it now will make the pain any less if it hits. You'll be surrounded by good friends who, I'm sure, truly love you. And you can't be alone when you're with your friends or lonely when you're that loved.

I hope you make all new wonderful memories of Paris, and that being there with friends -- who love YOU without reservation -- will make the city brand new for you all over again.

No fear, no regrets. You go, Laurie!!!

Laurie,

At some point, you will have to, no - need to stop hating Mr. X.

It took several years for me to stop hating my very own Mr. X and reliving every single thing that made me hate him. Over and over. Reduntantly. I hated myself for even entertaining his memory in my head. Too much hate.

So, at some point, you must begin to wish every good thing to come to him. Wish for him to be loved and to love someone. Wish for him prosperity. Wish or pray that he may have every thing that you want for yourself.

Hate is a poison. Try for gentle, loving kindness. I'm just saying.

And have a great time in Paree!!!

Wait, so does this mean you'll be gone? Like, not here?

Now I am filled with "fear" of what I'll do without your journal entries...

Have a great time, but hurry back, we need you.

Nancy, I do appreciate your sentiment, but I'm not sure where you inferred here that I hate anybody? I don't hate him, on the contrary... this is partly about looking back so fondly on those memories, things we did together.

And -- everyone: I had no idea! I guess this answers the question 'am I the only one?' Thank you, so much :)

Jill ... heh :) I'm only gone for a few days, and I'll post somthing if we can find an internet cafe, they still have those, right?

I think it's fear that keeps us human. It shows us that we are alive, it makes everything seem so real.

"Fear is an unpleasant feeling of perceived risk or danger, real or not. Fear also can be described as a feeling of extreme dislike to some conditions/objects, such as: fear of darkness, fear of ghosts, etc. It is one of the basic emotions. "

Life without fear is no life at all.
I am right up there with you. I fear everything, all the time.
It keeps me on my toes.

And I hadn't considered the possibility that Sobakowa might overthrow the Guv'anator and take over California. She *has* been watching a lot of CNN lately....

Oh and completly without your permission I am linking you!
You are fabulous!

No permission needed, and thank you!

I love you for having the courage to say what so many of us feel, and the talent to say it so well. And I am So Excited for your trip to Paris with your friends. How wonderful it will be to see the city now with them, to experience the beauty and wonder through YOUR eyes instead of the reflection of his. And to know that if there are times you feel like you're not ready for it, or become overwhelmed by memories of the other time, they'll be there to give you the hugs you need and take you out and show you that Yes You Are Ready to give Paris new memories and write while sitting sipping wine in the Parisian sunshine instead of locked in a bathroom. You will be experiencing one of the most beautiful cities on earth with people who know and appreciate Your beauty. Enjoy. Really Enjoy. And live every moment of it.

You have given a name to the thing which can so often plague my own life. I will be asking myself in the future--am I living in my fear life or my real life? You are so courageous. Not only for naming your fear and being so open about it but also for stomping all over it and moving forward. Have a great trip!

I have lived in the Fear life. I still have some issues but I got way over it when I went to Chicago and had 4 days all alone to do whatever I wanted. Night times were filled with company but the days were what I dreaded. I went to Marshall Field's dressed like I could afford it and tried aon all the fur coats. When asked by the sales ladies if I wanted to take ne home I explained how I already ahd so many in my close4ts that my husband would just kill me. I went to the museums - alone - I went to lunch - alone - I went shopping - alone. when I look back it was the most thrilling week of my life. I loved it. That was 7 years ago and I still think about getting over my greatest fears -except snakes- that week.

Hi hon - just one more "you're not the only one" to add to the chorus. I also have "Fear Life," though for the last few years I have been calling it "free-floating anxiety" and claiming it keeps me on my toes. :) Sometimes it's hard not to let it take over, but it sounds like you've got not-letting-it-take-over down pat, and I like to think I do too. The good news: This time, in Paris, both of those "deux vin rouges, s'il vous plait" will be for you! :) Rock on, Laurie.

Laurie,

Fear is my motivator, both towards and away things. I'm the biggest chicken I know but still manage to cross over into things I'm afraid of. Thanks for shareing and for all your comentators. It's a kick in the pants to ger out and live the REAL Life! (I loved the MTV show. I guess I'm a voyeur?)

I recently rented Under the Tuscan Sun and that fits in with the live your Real Life theme. I will be buying a 5 foot loom and will probably get an alpaca next year if I can banish my fear of being responsible for something that out weighs me.

I noticed a posting from another Alaskan and also want to know when you may be heading north. (I know...one vacation at a time.) If you come to Fairbanks I'll take you to ALL the best yarn stores,and to see the Musk Ox Farm.

Have fun in Paris!

Scared, who me? Ya, but I won't let you see it. Me, I'm the great internalizer. Tough on the outside, huge wimp on the inside. My kids unfortunately have me all figured out.

You don't have to be alone. Be with yourself.

And don't (let Sobakowa) watch CNN until you get back, the media loves to scare us.

Love ya, ya big scaredy cat.

I think it's so good that you are bringing your fears up before you go on your trip. A few posts back, you were also saying things about getting things down in print. I have always come out on the other side of that process feeling so much better than before. I really, really love the process of getting all that troubles me down on paper, be it Fear, roadblocks in life, or just plain irritation, deep yearnings, etc. It usually starts as a list, then turns into a series of thoughts, and just goes on into quotes I've heard, comments on my past dealings, anything that comes from it. It's just fun to go that deep, and sometimes I am so surprised at where I go with it! I call it, "emptying my brain," and it has been such a help to me! What's cool is that sometimes it puts my sadness into proper perspective. I give myself permission to get mad instead of blaming myself all of the time-I have always accepted too much responsibility for things that have gone wrong in my life-even if I was the one to get screwed over and my friends are screaming angrily at the party who wronged me-I am giving said party the break. The process helps me actually see that I don't have to accept all the blame all of the time and I can connect with anger, and then work through that...I am so excited for your trip, my point is here that you will have exhausted every fear and anxiety about your trip, and will be in such a good place by the time that you get there!

I typed my URL wrong up there a sec ago, new to this!

I'm turning 50 this year and if there is one thing I've learned, it's that you NEVER ever know what is waiting for you around the next bend...EVER! To fear it is a waste of the life God gave you. It could be WONDERFUL or it could be TERRIBLE....but I truly believe that it is there for a reason. My life is the absolute best it has ever been...not because I have tons of money or a gorgeous house (which I don't and far from it)....but because someone...one person....loves ME for who I am...and to me, that is as wonderful as if I opened that bathroom window and gazed upon the rooftops of Paris....except I'm doing it with my best friend...my soulmate...and that is all I need.

Someone's already said this no doubt, but I had to say it anyway--you're going to find a new Paris when you're there--one that is all your own. I guarantee it'll be even more delicious, more magical, more wonderfully French than you've ever known it to be--because you'll be more You. With friends who are truly present, and a world you can take on with no qualifications. If you have some sad moments, that's okay--Paris is there to take them, and make them something beautiful. Paris has seen a lot of heartbreak and frustration as well as love--and it's a city that understands.

Have a lot of wine, a lot of cheese, a lot of chocolate, a lot of bread, take a lot of pictures, see some things you've already seen, and some strange stuff you haven't.

Good strange stuff:
Dali museum
The Jewish quarter (I gotta think Jewish/French fusion food is good)
One of the famous graveyards
the Bird Market (held on Sundays at Ile Saint-Louis)
Denise Acabo's chocolaterie/confiserie (30 Rue Fontaine--very old-school, very french candy place)

Above all, enjoy the magic.

i just started reading your blog and absolutely love it. i feel i can really relate to this post. i was in a relationship for several years where there were a lot of trust issues and i to loved travelling with him because it was the one time when we could leave all the history behind and he would devote his attention on me. its terrifying to head out into the world alone, but having returned from 3 months of study in Nice, France...alone, i can tell you that you can do it and most likely will love it!!!....plus, now you can meet some French men

Staring the Fear straight in the eye and going ahead anyway is the only way to deal with it. You are doing a WONDERFUL job of handling your fears, and helping all the rest of us, too.

Have a fabulous time in Paris, and make plenty of new memories for this next chapter of your Real Life.

I just want to give you a big fat hug and big fat kiss right now, Laurie. (And then curl up inside your suitcase). Take new pictures, journal new thoughts, fall in love with something new in Paris... new memories... hang on to your Real Life.

I really think that you should write a book. Or a screenplay or short stories. And work on getting published. You are good.

Fear. Daily. So many more people than anyone would think.

You should be truly busting with just how well you are handling everything though. I'm always amazed that despite how much you hurt, you're able to put a positive spin on things and in doing so help everyone else reading realize their issues aren't just their own...that many people struggle with the same things...often for a lifetime. And putting it on paper and sharing...just one more step in dealing with it in a positive and productive way.

I believe you will have a fantastic time with your friends. I've been to Paris with my husband and with only girlfriends and both situations were great fun in their own way. I'm so excited for you! Please have a nutella and banana crepe for me :) The best food ever. Besides the mozzarella and tomato baguettes of course.

I only read the first few comments but I had to put in my two cents. I think part of the fear really IS being Southern. We're wired that way. I joke sometimes that I am such a worrier that, in the event I am not worring about something, I worry that I'm forgetting something!! I joke but it really is true. And, you know, kind of not funny.

This is a little cliche, I know, but just think of the wonderful Paris memories that this trip will provide for you to look back on later. I am a "rememberer" too and sometimes it just happens. You don't forget. But you get to make knew memories. And that's worth the risks.

Hi Laurie,
This trip is gonna blow that other one out of the water! The only fear you need to have is that you'll fall in love and then need to relocate all those cats to Paris! I lived there for 5 years... and I miss it everyday. Santa Monica is nice, but... it ain't Paris.

May I suggest some faves?
1. L'Entrecote, just off Place Port Maillot in Neuilly, for the STEAK FRITES... the best in the world!!
2. Joe Allen's in Les Halles is superb for an American fix... their black bean soup is to die for... be sure to squeeze the lemon!
3. Cafe St. Honore for the very best Croque Madame... be sure to get it on the pain de compaigne (country bread).
4. Cafe de Flore for the Crotin Chaud (goat cheese on toast) and a salade mixte, OMG! Then you must skip next door to Les Deux Magots for Hot Chocolate. It's perfect for a St. Germaine afternoon... and you can always go across the street to Brasserie Lipp to get your drink on apres!
5. La Coupole on Blvd. Montparnasse... so fricking old school Parisian... the sting ray with beurre noir will change your life if your lucky enough to be there when it's the special... used to be Tuesdays.

I really hope you'll try at least one of these things... bon voyage, cherie!!

ps- I'm planning to start knitting all because of your blog.

I have never, ever commented before, because I bring lurking to new levels, but I have to say thanks for this post. I, too, have had a horrible year, and I, too, am headed to Europe this week to try and create some happiness.

Like you, I have a Fear Life that is way into overdrive about this. Thanks for being so honest and for letting me know I am not the only one who gets freaked out like this!

Your blog is my favorite--you rock. Have a ridiculously good time in Paris!!

Laurie,

You are truly one brave, hellacious woman, and I truly wish you were my next-door-neighbor-best-friend, because very few ladies today have the guts it takes to admit to the fear life that I believe many of us grown-ups share. At least I share it with you.

I can totally relate to the email before you call, etc. I had one absolutely horrendous, emotionally abusive marriage, followed by the marriage to my soul-mate, the love of my life. Lucky me, I say, and I was, truly. But said love-of-my-life passed away in 1999, and life has not been the same. It was after his passing that I cast aside those fears that had kept me grounded, literally, realizing that the worst thing that I had feared happening to me had already happened, so how bad could flying be? Because of that new-found freedom, I was able to visit Norway for 2 weeks during Christmas and New Year in 2001/2002, and Maui, and San Francisco, and Boston, and on and on and on. And eventually, I met the love of the rest of my life, to whom I'm married now.

I still have fears. I still have loneliness, deep down heart wrenching loneliness, sometimes. I screen my calls, I communicate mostly by email, and I cancel engagements at the last minute, sometimes. But, the bottom line is, I keep trying. Progress, not perfection, they say in Al-Anon.

I, along with God knows how many other of your faithful readers/friends, will be sending here's-hoping-Laurie's-having-an-even-more-exceptional-meaningful -fabulous-vacation-than-she's-ever-had-before vibes, and wishing, as well as a little praying, that you will come to peace. Frankly, I'd like to whoop the tar out of your ex. He didn't deserve you, and you certainly didn't deserve his cruel deceptions. Please go with all the grace of a woman coming into her own, deserving of all the magic the world has to offer. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, LAURIE. And so do LOTS of others, apparently. :) I , and they, also have excellent taste.

Your sister from the south,
Suzanne

.... and you will have fun and adventurous experiences while you are there and new memories later which you can reflect on while you tie new french trinket-y collars on your happy, happy cats! Count on it. Send yourself some postcards, it's fun to get them a month after you get home!!xxoo mary

I am leaving Minou and Birdie in the more then capable hands of a boyfriend I have been living with for 3 years and I am still terribly worried. (What if they don't know me when I come back?)
As to HIM eh - whatever - I bet Paris is even better with the girls. I closely scrutinized your vacation pics and have officially decided you can dooo WAY better. HIM = nothing special. He didn't look like he was that much fun. HIM didn't look like he would squeal when he sees a great pair of shoes in a window. Screw HIM. And hey - I'll be in Poland and Wales and Amsterdam - we are bound to bump into each other!

Laurie,

I don't know you (but I feel like I do) because you do take chances! I sit on the sidelines, I always have. I'm trying to change but it takes a lifetime. So I'm saying: Don't be afraid, go out there and make new memories, new adventures that you will treasure even more because you did it even though you were afraid. Good luck!

Exactly....I know that feeling.

By the time I get on a plane, I am pretty much resigned to the fact that I am going to die. Same thing for driving to Boston. My son went to Africa last year and I entertained everyone with a great long list of things I was afraid of. Sensible things. Not that he would get out of a car in a game park to get his picture taken with WILD elephants - because really, who would be that silly. Not that he would strap himself up and bungee jump off a bridge over Victoria Falls - because, really, even a professional worrier like me couldn't come up with that stuff.

I used to worry about my cats, too. Especially Scout, who is on Permanent Disability. That they would scoot out the door when the cat carers came and get run over or kidnapped. That they would choke on a hairball. That they would get too venturesome and fall down two flights over the railing.

But I now have pretty good evidence that once I leave the house a message goes out to the cat friends who they otherwise only see through the window, and the house becomes party central. Of course I wish they were more responsible, but
I feel a lot better about going away.

Have a great time.

The Fear Life...What a great phrase. It so aptly names this thing that we wrestle with - shows how big it can be. Thank you for giving me this tool.

Have a lovely time in Paris!

What an amazing column. I salute your spirit, courage, and grace! I am relieved to see so many other people grappling with this issue besides myself (and why repeat what so many other people have said so well?). Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof...

How can you have anything other than a fabulous time in Paris? Remember the good times, let the bad memories go, and create glorious new memories to add to your mental scrapbook. But you know that already.

Hello Laurie,
Okay...so when you visit Trixie and the other Sharon from Alaska, you'll just have to make to our small town, Seldovia, for Tuesday night Stitch 'n' Bitch. Wine and yarn...how can you go wrong? It is a few days from the first day of spring and we have more new snow....Ugh! Plenty of cold weather for all your cute hats and great scarves. Here is the website for our quaint little town. seldovia.com
I love your postings and humor. Keep it up and have fun in Paris!

THIS Paris is not THE Paris, It's the Paris where people will be smiling at your cam and not shaking their heads. THIS Paris is the Paris where people pay attention to you and they will pay attention to you when you go home too. You won't have to be scared that the attention will end on the plane ride home.

Okay, doesn't everyone feel this way? Maybe it's being raised by Irish women, but I feel guilty and scared everytime. I'm sure I left the iron on or the burner on the stove (as if I even cook!). The upside of all this fear is that you go on vacation having really low expectations and when it turns out great, you are doubly happy. You need to do this. Of course it is always easier to stay home with your cats. But you need this, you deserve this. You are going to have a blast. You have already learned you are a tougher chick than you ever imagined. This is just one more step. What is that old saying, living well is the ultimate revenge. Go live well Laurie.

Fear. I don't travel much because of fear. I have 3 wonderful cats who insist they are semi wild and stay outside all the time. I can't leave without a housesitter for fear the racoons will show up and eat all the food, the cats huddled together high up on the deck... for days.
Last night my husband made me walk down the block and around the corner to see what may well be my dream house for sale. I couldn't let myself think about it because of the fear... the fear of moving the cats to a new safe place and how I was going to do that. I don't want to live without my cats, but I do want to live without fear.

I so admire you for doing this trip. I know it is scarey. The house will still be standing when you return. The cats will be pissed off at your for about a week and you will have won one battle over fear.

Whew! Someone else is a walking contradiction of "looking fine" whilst filled with fears. We just got back from Puerto Rico. I couldn't drink the water, even though they said it was fine. I couldn't sit on the hot, sunny beach because I was sure I'd have a stroke or my head would explode into flames. I had to hold my dd's hand on the LONG flight home, so that if there were bumpy patches, "she" wouldn't be afraid.

Fear. Our constant companion. I guess the bright side is that it does keep me out of trouble. Sometimes.

Laurie, I'm a recent addition to your many fans and I want to assure you that you're not alone in having a real life and a Fear life. Sharing your Fear is one of the best things you can do with it... trust me: storing it up just makes it bigger. We can't make it go away, but we can walk with you and perhaps make the Fear seem smaller.

Hang in there, girl.

Just keep telling yourself the fear is just irrational and go for it. I did the same thing after my divorce, only I went to Australia by myself. I just had to get away (as in the other side of the world away). I would wake up in the middle of the night before I left with panic attacks. I've never had panic attacks before this and thankfully not afterwards. I had the best time ever and finally proved to myself that I didn't NEED someone and that I could depend on myself. YOU GO GIRL!

I'm just like you, Laurie. I hate leaving my house, my cats, my familiar surroundings. I feel so very safe here. BUT, everytime I do go somewhere I find that it is a complete necessity and that I end up having a ball. The kitties will be fine while you're gone and they will be VERY happy to see you when you get back. Don't forget to bring them back some French catnip and toys!

Paris in the spring is GLORIOUS and I promise you're going to have a much better time with your friends than you did with Mr. X.

I sent out the Yarn Girls book this morning with a few extra surprises inside. It should get to you by Wednesday or Thursday.

I'm very proud of you! There's a big difference between having fear and living fear. You are absolutely living without fear every day.

Love, Liz

Laurie - I haven't read all the comments, but one of the things that I hope you find in Paris is that you may change, but that Paris doesn't. I feel this way about Washington, DC (I fell in love with my ex there) and when I went back it was wonderful to know that the city was still perfect, that loosing the relationship that grew there didn't make everything or everywhere gray. I've always thought it was nice to know that I might change but I'd always know of a place I could go back and visit that would be true to me. Man, I hope that makes sense. Anyway - enjoy Paris!

You are an inspiration.
Godspeed, Laurie.

Y'all need to make a pact: NO drunk dialing while in Paris! It wouldn't be pretty. That's why you're taking your friends!

Laurie, you are not alone in your fears. Everytime I leave my house I fear for my cats lives. Irrational as it may be, I know that no one can care for them as well as I do, and what would they think if I never came back? (would they even care, as long as they are fed? They are CATS after all)
I hope you have a blast in Paris. Don't worry, it WILL be alright.

Hugs to you my blog friend

HEY!! I live in AFGHANISTAN and I ain't afraid of NUTHIN!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

who am I kiddin?

Fear is proof that you're human, and you're alive. Isn't the combination of those two things wonderful?

I'm a guy who reads your column, Laurie. (Yes, there are a few of us!) And I can only say "Thank you" for having the courage to face down your fear, and to be able to learn, grow, and eventually even laugh at them.

I know, because I've been there. I spent the first 2/3 of my life afraid. Afraid of the "what bad thing could happen?" or the "What if this next thing doesn't task/job/pet/love isn't as perfect as what I imagined it to be?"

Then, one day without warning, the most amazing thing happened. I met someone, and we bonded almost instantly. We've now been married for almost two years, but we both know that we will be together forever.

Yes, I'm still bruised and a little gun-shy by the past experiences in my life, as is my wife. But together, we represent a complete, unified spirit, and no one can take that away from us.

I know that you too shall someday find that joy, Laurie. If I can manage to overcome it, anyone can! And when you do finally capture the magic, the glow from the rainbow never fades.

Never ever forget the moral of the Velveteen Rabbit: "Real lasts for always".

-Peace.

That is so beautiful and really resonated. I have been so excited about going travelling round asia but then the excitement ran away and was replaced by the fear. I shall do as you say and write the fears down and see what can come of it.

Thank you for writing so well and sharing so much!

Hey, Laurie - as one who has lived in Paris, loved in Paris and lost in Paris, I promise you that the place will take care of everything. Once you get there, you will realize that it is Paris itself that generates the feelings and experiences - the smells and tastes. They have nothing to do with him.

Paris also has a miraculous power to reinvent and reform your life. This will be a new Paris with new places and new friends. Give yourself over to it. You know you can.

There's nothing quite as satisfying as feeling fearful yet marching forward anyway. I actually traveled in Europe alone, and having to survive in another culture/language gave me a lot of confidence. Dive in head first. And talk to strangers! Live life to the fullest! It's fun.