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March 31, 2006
Just one little story.
i. The students rioted while I worked on my advanced degree
I carred no placards. I didn't knit once. There was no time for yarn shopping, or internet cafes, or sticking it to the man and getting hosed with water and beaten back by police in riot gear. I did, however, try my darndest to earn a phD in drunkenology here:
ii. Anyone else craving fried chicken?
I took this sign to be only a harbinger of what the Sepulveda Recreation Area will look like in about six months. I feel my exposure to the French air has upped my resistance level to all forms of avian flu. Merci beaucoup!
iii. They reserve the hottest room in hell for catty wenches.
It's Sunday night, and Jennifer and I are seated on a bench below the glowing hulk of the Eiffel Tower. We're resting after a long day, and chatting and fending off about 300 trinket vendors who can be a little on the pushy side.
A young couple (Americans, we overheard them telling people later, they're from Baltimore) dressed oddly enough in prom formalwear, walk out onto the blacktop. He gets down on one knee and presents her with a ring, she swoons, the crowd is clapping. I clap, too, getting misty eyed. Jen looks at me sideways, "He's proposing to her in a parking lot." (I wonder if she's thinking: Oh Lord, do not let her start bawling over a marriage proposal at the Eiffel Tower, oh the drama.)
I sigh, caught up in the moment. I clap, tearing up, and then I turn to Jen and say, "I give it a year and a half."
We laugh hysterically. We are in Paris, and the warmest room in hell awaits us. One day.
iv. Improving Franco-American foreign relations
If you get lost in a big, strange cemetary on the outskirts of Paris and all your friends are separated from each other and you have no cell phones and no way of getting in touch, I highly suggest you find the cutest gendarme of all and channel your finest Blanche Dubois. I myself have always relied on the kindness of strangers. This particular stranger spoke no English, and I spoke no French, but we had no problems communicating if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
"I so sorry no speak English," he said.
"Oh, I'm sorry I non parle Frances." (really, I do mangle the language something foul.)
We laughed.
"You no speak English, I no speak French," I said. Oh man, was he cute. "We're perfect!" I told him.
He agreed. "Yes! Oiu, perfect!"
It's possible that my petit gendarme had the IQ of Beavis, but he spoke fluent French, and to me he was magnifique. He could have been talking about his playstation the whole time, I don't know. Because it was French, and so pretty! Together perfect!
I like the gendarme. They are muy cute.
v. Just one leetle story.
It was Saturday night in Paris and it was raining, and Jennifer wasn't feeling well, so she stayed in the hotel while Amber and Shannon and I headed off to dinner ... at 10:30 p.m. (j'adore le French nightowls!) By 11 p.m. we had found a dark, tiny fondue restaurant in the Latin Quarter that looked like a lively and inviting house of cheese.
We had a big dinner, steak fondue (you cook strips of meat in hot oil) and cheese fondue ("keep stirring the pot!" we were reprimanded often) and there was wine and crusty bread and chocolate fondue for dessert, all of it delicious.
We left the restaurant around 2 a.m. and walked back to the hotel. It was raining and we were on a teensy cobblestone road so we walked single-file to accomodate our umbrellas, with Shannon leading the parade, Amber behind her, and me pulling up the peace train at the end.
It was dark and late, but it's Paris, and it's a tourist area. The street was empty when a group of about seven men approached us. They were drunk, and they were a little too old to be harassing tourist girls. One of the men ducked under the umbrella with me and one tried to chat up Amber. The most aggressive of the group was still carrying a beer can in his hand, and he approached Shannon and began saying some really inappropriate things to her. Mean things. It all happened so fast, their tone changed -- it was late after all, and they were very drunk -- and Shannon started walking faster. A major intersection was just a head, a large street with more foot traffic.
We walked faster.
They kept pace.
The one under the umbrella with me was annoying but harmless. The aggressive one was trouble, though, he was about six feet tall, walking almost side-by-side with Shannon, and she was scared and tensed up, and he reached out...
... and without even knowing I had done it, in one split-second, I closed my umbrella, shoved the annoying one away from me, closed the gap between me and the agressive one, and I proceeded to whack him upside the head with every single ounce of repressed anger and rage and disgust and moral outrage I carry around in my five-foot-almost-four self, and I'm just saying ya'll. That is a lot of repressed anger. I am Southern. Recently divorced and wronged. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YA'LLS BULLSHIT AND I HAVE AN UMBRELLA.
"Leave her alone!"
HUGE LOUD THUD OVER THE BACK OF THE HEAD.
As I stood in indignant rage in the middle of a Parisian street like Mary Poppins gone wrong -- umbrella at the ready -- the one formerly known as "the aggressive one" cowered over in the street, staggered and clutched his head. His six friends turned and immediately RAN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, leaving him to fend for himself with three crazy American broads.
He slumped over, holding his head, the half-empty beer can rolled down the street.
"You... you shut up!" he whined at me. He whimpered. Amber and Shannon laughed at him.
But something about seeing this big, drunk bully cowered over and holding his head and yet still he wouldn't shut up ... it made me INSANE. With umbrella outstretched, I chased after him IN THE STREETS OF PARIS as I shouted possibly the classiest words ever said by a woman abroad, "I'm from Los Angeles, motherf***er! I'll bust your ass!!"
And he ran as fast and far as he could, and the Mary Poppins Gang was born that night in a cobblestone picture-perfect street in Paris, and I can probably kiss goodbye any future gainful employment at the Los Angeles Visitors' Bureau.
But the fondue was really, really good.
Posted by laurie at March 31, 2006 10:17 AM
Comments
First??
Posted by: Helen at March 31, 2006 10:20 AM
I. AM. CRYING! You are from where? Too funny....go repressed anger, go!
Posted by: Trixie at March 31, 2006 10:23 AM
Holy crap, that story is priceless. I will be sure to keep a big pointy umbrella handy in foreign countries at night, from now on. I pinkie promise.
Helen
Posted by: Helen at March 31, 2006 10:25 AM
And I like to think of some crazy Mary Poppins gang. I may just sleep easier.
Posted by: Trixie at March 31, 2006 10:26 AM
Well, I guess I was thinking, although we do not have a lot of crime in Comfort, texas or Columbus, Mississippi or Carencro, Louisiana or all the little towns of my childhood... I live in Los Angeles! Where we have scary people, and big mean homeless, and gangbangers and mafia and drug dealers! You are a silly drunk man in France. You are no Crip, young sir. I can take you! hehehehehehe
It wasn't a rational thought process. I have no idea. Ya'll cannot take me anywhere!!!
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 10:26 AM
Hehe. I am totally making the Mary Poppins Gang sign right now.
Posted by: jen at March 31, 2006 10:26 AM
Well, I keep saying Baltimore is a little scary. Prom Attire. Really.
I'm glad you chased that bully. If you decide to make a habit of this, and need gelding tools, let me know. I have some veternarian friends who could lend them to you....
Posted by: marcia at March 31, 2006 10:27 AM
Jen totally just called me on the height thing. I am not *quite* five four. IN MY DREAMS hehehehehehe
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 10:29 AM
Go Laurie, GO!
I always did prefer a nice big umbrella, one with a nice steel tip.
Posted by: Nancy France at March 31, 2006 10:29 AM
Oh yeah, we totally came up with a gang sign for the Mary Poppins clique!!! hehehehe
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 10:31 AM
For all women everywhere, THANK YOU! The Mary Poppins Gang absolutely ROCKS!!
Posted by: Christine at March 31, 2006 10:31 AM
Oh. My. God. I laughed, I cried and I laughed even harder!! Can I please adopt you for my grand daughter? You've come a long way, baby!
Posted by: beebs at March 31, 2006 10:31 AM
Ohmigawd! I'm laughing so hard and tearing up as we speak. You go Crazy Aunt Purl! We have all had enough of that kind of b. s. from jerks. Thank you for leading the advance guard! As one born and raised in LA I say: Go MFing Los Angelenos everywhere!
Posted by: MaryMR at March 31, 2006 10:32 AM
OMG! Okay... so when you're home and safe... maybe you want to talk to someone about that anger thing. Glad it's working for you now, though.
Posted by: wilsonian at March 31, 2006 10:32 AM
I'm laughing my ass off right now. LOL! You go girl!!
And reading your comments, you lived in Carencro? I had a HUGE HUGE HUGE crush on a guy from there when I was in high school. His name still makes me blush. We had a little phone/letter writing phase not even worthy of calling a friendship, but OH was he hot.
I wonder if you know him.....
Posted by: Melissa at March 31, 2006 10:35 AM
Melissa! Was his name Jason Roth? Because he was the hottie hottie superhottie when I was there LOL.
And I don't have an anger issue that requires professional help, wilsonian ;) What I have is a seriously low tolerance level for assholes who say nasty, sexual, disgusting things to my friends. Mary Poppins Gang!
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 10:42 AM
I LOVE IT! Laurie, if I ever go abroad, you, your umbrella, and your repressed rage (which really, I think we all have, and you let out at a totally appropriate moment) are totally invited.
Posted by: Tami at March 31, 2006 10:42 AM
Thank you for that story, I'm crying trying not to laugh too loud at work. You are the funniest woman ever. Glad you had a good time in Paris
Posted by: BigAlice at March 31, 2006 10:42 AM
Best.Story.Ever.
OMG - Purl, you ROCK!
Posted by: Lorrian at March 31, 2006 10:44 AM
Laurie-
Nope, that isn't him. Was there more than one hottie in Carencro? Dang! I knew I should have visited him like he asked! I could be Ms. Hottie Jason Roth or something.
Posted by: Melissa at March 31, 2006 10:47 AM
Wow. Bravo!!!! (Bravo, brave, see the connnection...)
Posted by: Tina at March 31, 2006 10:47 AM
Dear Laurie,
Can I have your autograph? You rule.
The end.
Posted by: Sarah at March 31, 2006 10:47 AM
I just spit coke out all over my keyboard at your "I'm from LA" comment.
I heart you - will you please move to Seattle? :)
Posted by: Libby at March 31, 2006 10:47 AM
Holy shit, I am laughing so hard right now. But if my co-workers say one damn thing I'm gonna tell them I'm from Southside Virginia & I'll bust their ass!
Posted by: Jenny at March 31, 2006 10:47 AM
You ROCK! That has to be the BEST Paris story EVER!
Keep on knockin' heads!
Posted by: Liz G. at March 31, 2006 10:48 AM
duuuuuuude! The Mary Poppins gang story, reeeallly should have been prefaced with a "this will make you snort coffee out of your nose" warning!
You go girl, you badass!
Posted by: Carla at March 31, 2006 10:48 AM
Oh, I'm dying over here! I think I hurt myself trying to hold in the laughter. It reminds me of a certain hayride I went on with friends many years ago. Not as funny a tale - yours is much better.
Welcome back!
Posted by: Mel at March 31, 2006 10:48 AM
Melissa, there was quite a bit of hottie action in Carencro... out on the bayou they grow 'em big and cute ;) I believe it's all that boudin. LOL
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 10:48 AM
ah, i feel as tho i was there :) thank for the laugh Raurie!!
Posted by: Inky at March 31, 2006 10:49 AM
I can't believe that I spend my whole life trying to think up witticisms and in the moment of furor all I can come up with is "I'll bust your ass!"
heh heheheheh
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 10:49 AM
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
Posted by: Claudia at March 31, 2006 10:50 AM
HAHAHAHA!
Posted by: li at March 31, 2006 10:51 AM
I want to be in your girl gang. Do I have to buy a big ass umbrella?
Posted by: Judith in NYC at March 31, 2006 10:52 AM
HAHAHAHAHAAA ha aha haaahaa!
Laurie. You are my hero.
Posted by: Jackie at March 31, 2006 10:53 AM
Dude! You ROCK! If I ever need a bodyguard, I'm hiring YOU (and your umbrella!)!!!! :)
Posted by: Kat at March 31, 2006 10:54 AM
I can't believe that I spend my whole life trying to think up witticisms and in the moment of furor all I can come up with is "I'll bust your ass!"
Hey - it made him cower in fear, while simultaneously (sort of) busting up most of America's women in laughter. Sounds like it worked to me!
Posted by: Tami at March 31, 2006 10:54 AM
That is the most hysterical thing I've read in a long time - can we have something/somehow on that story on a t-shirt or blog button or bumper sticker? Please? LOLOLOL
Posted by: Claudia at March 31, 2006 10:55 AM
I love you. The Mary Poppins Gang made me laugh for the first time in days. Thank you.
Posted by: Sara at March 31, 2006 10:55 AM
One of my friends went to Paris this week BY HERSELF no less and emailed me to say that some French guy totally stalked her all day on the second day of her visit until she got some kind Irish tourists to help her get a cab so she could get the f--- away from him. Scary! I'm glad you had your umbrealla and totally beat him up! Awesome!
Posted by: Margie May at March 31, 2006 10:58 AM
What, no photo of the Mary Poppins Gang sign?? I say good on you for busting his ass! What a GREAT story!
--Oklahoma Trixie
Posted by: Trixie at March 31, 2006 10:59 AM
You are crazy and I love it!
Posted by: Saun at March 31, 2006 11:01 AM
I am getting strange looks at work, I am laughing so loud :) Great story. Classic.
Posted by: Laina at March 31, 2006 11:02 AM
Great job!!! There's nothing like putting a little whoop-ass on a jack-ass who's asking for it. Forget Primal Scream therapy, how about some Primal Umbrella-smacking therapy??
That guy probably got some real crap from his friends after that! Charlie's Angels have nothing on you!!
Posted by: Liz R from Virginia at March 31, 2006 11:02 AM
That is SO awesome! You make me want to get a sturdier umbrella, just in case.
Posted by: Gwen at March 31, 2006 11:07 AM
You go, Laurie! You struck a blow for American female tourists everywhere. Bet that dude-formerly-known-as-aggressive doesn't hassle anyone else soon!
Posted by: Judy at March 31, 2006 11:09 AM
I am such a dork...I loved your story and all, but all I can think about is:
"Mmmmm.......BREAD!"
Food porn.
Posted by: Anonymous at March 31, 2006 11:10 AM
DOH!
I am such a dork...I loved your story and all, but all I can think about is:
"Mmmmm.......BREAD!"
Food porn.
Posted by: Shelly at March 31, 2006 11:10 AM
LOL!!!!! Good thing I'm not at work. What you need are jackets. Leather jackets, with adorable red (or purple? or red and purple? or all the colors of the rainbow?) umbrellas on the back.
Btw (sorry, but I have to throw this in), if you want to see pix of the world's dumbest cat, go look at my blog.
Posted by: Lucia at March 31, 2006 11:11 AM
YOU GO GIRL!!! :)
You should really write professionally (if you don't already), you'd be an awesome author!
Posted by: amie at March 31, 2006 11:12 AM
*stomps, whistles, claps, and cheers!*
I don't know how anything can top that story. I am so proud to stalk your blog. You are my absolute hero!
Did that gendarme taste as good as he looks? I'm quite curious. *evilgrin*
Posted by: Pyewacket at March 31, 2006 11:13 AM
From every woman who's ever been harassed by a jerk on a dark street - THANK YOU!!! You do not have an anger issue. That was an exactly appropriate response to him trying to make physical contact with your friend. If all women reacted that way, maybe we'd all be a little safer out there.
P.S. I'm trading my pepper spray for an umbrella. :)
Posted by: pixienyc at March 31, 2006 11:14 AM
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!
You kick some *serious ass*, "Blanche". ;) In the name of all southern gals everywhere, I say, "We're not worthy, we're not worthy."
Truly. Awesome.
Posted by: Emily at March 31, 2006 11:14 AM
Wow, that was, like, the Everything Post. You had it all: from Avian Flu to a wedding proposal to cemetaries. You sure can party, woman!
Posted by: Dave Daniels at March 31, 2006 11:15 AM
Who needs gendarmes when you have an umbrella at the ready?
Oh if only someone had a videocamera at the time!
Posted by: Kathy at March 31, 2006 11:16 AM
Oh. My. God. You are so awesome! That is the coolest story ever!
Posted by: TaraL at March 31, 2006 11:17 AM
perfect! I expect at that moment you were 5' 10" umbrella not included. way to go!
welcome back. Have the cats spoken to you yet?
Posted by: robinv at March 31, 2006 11:17 AM
The meat fondue you had is called fondue Bourguignonne.
And had I known I would have suggested you go for a raclette- it is more french than fondue which really is swiss.
And since you did that in my quartier... I have to tell you I am laughing my ass off!
Posted by: stinkerbell at March 31, 2006 11:17 AM
Wow.
Thanks for letting me travel abroad vicariously through you!
Wow.
Posted by: RishaMoonshadow at March 31, 2006 11:22 AM
Awesome stories! Thanks for sharing. You are too funny!
Like many others, I really would like to pre-order your book!
Posted by: Carrie at March 31, 2006 11:25 AM
OMG!! That story is great. I can totally picture tatoos of an umbrella to show your gang membership!
Posted by: Mindy at March 31, 2006 11:28 AM
Laurie, you crack me up! I was crying, I was laughing so hard! What a great friend you are!
Posted by: Grace at March 31, 2006 11:29 AM
I am in no way a knitter, but I have been reading your blog for months now (even the knitting entries!) and enjoying every last word. I knew I had to reveal my stalker self at last after the phrase "Mary Poppins Gang" because it was so funny I almost wet myself. Thank you for all the comic relief you give me, and also for leading the charge against drunk asshats!
Posted by: Angela at March 31, 2006 11:29 AM
Ah Laurie...welcome home! I for one missed you!
How are the kitties? Are they giving you the cold shoulder?
Posted by: Brigitte at March 31, 2006 11:30 AM
Roy was a little mad, but he has taken to sleeping on my head at night just to make sure I don't disappear again ;)
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 11:31 AM
Welcome back, my sweet, funny Laurie!
I'm so jealous, of your great trip, of that gerdame, but certainly not of the big lugnut dumb enough to accost a group of LA women.
I will, from now on, keep my flirting on the up and up. No potty mouth from me, I can assure you. The last thing I need is the long arm of the Mary Poppins gang reaching cross-county to wollop my skull with a parasol.
Did your umbrella have a parrot-head handle?
So glad you enjoyed the trip. We all missed you. (Me especially!)
Posted by: Steve D. at March 31, 2006 11:34 AM
formerly known as "the aggressive one"
HEHEHEHEHEHE
"Mary Poppins Gang" wannabe...
I need to know the sign now! I got an umbrella, don't mess with my affiliates
Posted by: psychomom at March 31, 2006 11:35 AM
Baltimoreans in prom attire? As someone who was born and raised there (and got the hell out as soon as I turned 18), I am not surprised.
As for beating up the lecherous French man - simply awesome.
Posted by: Rashmi at March 31, 2006 11:37 AM
Thanks for the laugh Doctor.
Posted by: psychomom at March 31, 2006 11:38 AM
I'm kinda wondering: are you sure your 'escorts' weren't British? I mean, the beer, the language skills and the attitude...
Posted by: Martigny at March 31, 2006 11:38 AM
*clap clap clap hoot whistle stomp stomp...more clapping*
Yeah, Laurie! I'm glad you stuck up for Shannon. Zee drunken a$$hole deserved it!
Posted by: Samantha at March 31, 2006 11:39 AM
Sounds like a well-deserved smackdown to me. You remain, as always, my hero.
Posted by: dani at March 31, 2006 11:44 AM
YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!
Posted by: Tevana at March 31, 2006 11:44 AM
Was it wrong of me to snort with laughter over the mental picture of you wielding an umbrella and chasing a drunk Frenchman down the street?
If I ever travel abroad, I want you there as my bodyguard.
Love you, CAP! Mary Poppins would have been proud.
Posted by: Laura at March 31, 2006 11:45 AM
How empowered you are! I love it the Mary Poppins Gang. Good for you standing up for your friend, I'd take you on a trip any day. And I bet it felt so good to hit a guy over the head.
Posted by: Rebekah at March 31, 2006 11:45 AM
wooo! Go Auntie Purl!!! Way to channel that repressed anger!
Posted by: Meem at March 31, 2006 11:46 AM
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Posted by: bess at March 31, 2006 11:50 AM
Laurie, I'm so glad to hear you stood up for yourself, that's awesome! I'm definitely getting an umbrella for my next trip abroad. As an LA native (though currently transplanted to the great white north) your choice of words made me laugh out loud.
Posted by: mel at March 31, 2006 11:53 AM
We here at "Move Over Mary Poppins" feel that *we* should move over for Purl and the Gang! Way to go, Laurie - vous êtes étonnant! (You're awesome!)
Posted by: Cameron at March 31, 2006 11:54 AM
I'm Totally.In.Awe. I love the fact the strength we all know you have but aren't sure you've felt able to claim for youself yet came out in full force when your girfriend was in trouble. You Are AMAZING!
Posted by: Rachel H at March 31, 2006 11:54 AM
I am dying! Do you know how hard it is to suppress the laughter right now??? I'm not supposed to be on the internet right now and I am dying with laughter! You are so awesome Laurie.
Posted by: Kim at March 31, 2006 11:57 AM
You are seriously my mother-fucking-mary-poppins-umbrella-toting-knitter-extrordinaire-kick-the-french-dudes-ass-HERO.
I'll walk through a dark alley with you any night!
Posted by: korin at March 31, 2006 11:58 AM
Welcome back Laurie, sounds as if you have a great time in Paris. I wonder if you could teach me some of those new Mary Poppins umbrella moves in the event I ever get to go to Italy?
All I can say is you GO girl.
Glad you made it back safe and sound.
Carol L.
Posted by: Carol L. at March 31, 2006 12:04 PM
That was excellent! I'm so glad you had a good time!
Posted by: Pegasus at March 31, 2006 12:05 PM
You f'in ROCK! I cheered at my desk here at work over the Mary Poppins Gang, and caused quite the stir. Just...YEAH! *snaps*
Posted by: moiraeknits at March 31, 2006 12:07 PM
You have struck inspiration! I want to go to France now.
Posted by: Heather at March 31, 2006 12:08 PM
Yo, Poppins! I go to one meeting, and I almost missed this. This has GOT to be the funniest story yet. Thanks for the good laugh.
Posted by: Kim in CT at March 31, 2006 12:10 PM
Viva LA motherf***er!
Holy crap, Laurie that is awesome!!! I've got tears in my eys from laughter.
Posted by: Giovanna at March 31, 2006 12:15 PM
Girl, I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long time. YEAH! This *so* reminds me of the Bonne Marie story about busting a pickpocket on the Paris Metro.....
Posted by: claudia at March 31, 2006 12:16 PM
Well now that my coughing fit is over and I can breathe again...all I can say is that is the funniest thing I think I have ever read. Ohmigod girl, I can just see this little blonde, umbrella wielding banshee..... I bet they will never bother American girls again!!
Posted by: Cheryl at March 31, 2006 12:19 PM
Love that story, love that story. You are my new hero. Oh and that really warm room, I'll be there too!
Posted by: christy at March 31, 2006 12:19 PM
Every obnoxious drunken male should have to contend with an Angelena full of repressed anger. That would set them all straight! I'm just sayin is all!
Rock on, Laurie! :)
Posted by: Julie at March 31, 2006 12:26 PM
hahaha...! Thanks for the laugh! I like to claim I'm from Oakland, in moments like that. Be careful though, don't end up in French prison. Then again, how bad could that be? :)
Posted by: Stella at March 31, 2006 12:32 PM
Do you think you could beat up my ex-husband with your umbrella? Pretty please?
Posted by: Desperate Housewife at March 31, 2006 12:33 PM
You EFFING ROCK! (I only wish the aggressive one had been wearing a placard.)
Posted by: Jessica at March 31, 2006 12:34 PM
HA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't stop the guffaws! I sound like a crazy person laughing in my cube!
You are priceless. Way to beat the French men into submission.
Posted by: Noelle at March 31, 2006 12:42 PM
That is the best story EVER! After taking self-defense courses in college I would walk through Kenmore Square in Boston at 2am wishing someone would try to rough me up so I could attack them like you did.
Posted by: Laurel at March 31, 2006 12:50 PM
You go Mary Poppins!
I was expecting the story to end with the six guys all stopping to take a leak on the side of a building, pole or bus stop as is the custom in Paris.
Posted by: Jessica at March 31, 2006 12:50 PM
BEST. PARIS. STORY. EVER.
Posted by: Jennifer at March 31, 2006 12:52 PM
Oh, Laurie - the M.Poppins Gang - too fine! (Ms. Poppins was a childhood idol, 'til the movie dimmed the power of the book) Don't be surprised if you hear/see that exact phrase (I'm from L.A. and I'll bust your ass!)in a movie/cd sometime soon! What a shame there's no video! Well, I do hope that the remainder of your vacation is eventfull in a less frightening way. By the way, I'm also 5'4" (or less) and that has never daunted my attitude! Bravo!!!
Posted by: audie at March 31, 2006 12:54 PM
Get yo' ass back befo I pop a cap in it, yo! Nice move with the umbrella, although you should have used it to hit him in the balls
.
Posted by: beth at March 31, 2006 12:55 PM
/me sends Laurie a new umbrella with a card that says "Hit him again!"
Posted by: David at March 31, 2006 01:06 PM
MPG =
Miles Per Gallon?
More Porn Gnomes?
Mister Pussy Guy?
Makes People Grin?
NOOOOOOOO
MPG =
MARY POPPINS GANG!!!!
or Miss Purl GREAT!!!!
Posted by: psychomom at March 31, 2006 01:09 PM
OMG...peeing my pants at "I'm from Los Angeles, MotherF**Cker!!!" *crieslaughs*
Imagine him having to explain the spoke marks on his face to the buddies of his that weren't there...or to his mother, lol...
Posted by: Eklectika at March 31, 2006 01:12 PM
You are my hero! she knits, writes and kicks ass (french ass!). Sounds like a truly memorable trip.
Posted by: Tami at March 31, 2006 01:15 PM
Laurie, vous etes the plus grandes, petite fille en LA ( sorry that's all the french I have got :-)
Seriously, I live next door to the French ( in the middle of the English Channel) and they can be arrogant SOB's at the best of times. It's good to see one taken down a peg or two, you go girl!
Posted by: janine at March 31, 2006 01:16 PM
You. Kick. Ass.
*cheer*
Posted by: mivox at March 31, 2006 01:17 PM
OMG that was funnier than the burning bus story!!!
Posted by: Lynn at March 31, 2006 01:18 PM
Yes, you are psycho, but you are also my long, lost motherf*kin' twin. I love it!!!
Posted by: alice at March 31, 2006 01:18 PM
OH.MY.GOD.
That is the best LEETLE story ever.
You do realize that you're going the get a slew of umbrellas at your po box now, right?
Posted by: Vanessa at March 31, 2006 01:25 PM
Laurie - as a fellow not-quite-five-foot-four lassie, I must congratulate you on your ingenius method of getting rid of drunk obnoxious men, I once hit one with my (very heavy) handbag (also in the side of the head) - so ladies, that works well if you're not weilding an umbrella!! I'm proud of you and glad to know that it didn't ruin your holiday!!!!
Also, it made me laugh my a** off, which woke up my sleeping kitty, so while I'm thrilled with you, I think she's a little ticked!
Posted by: Jacqueline at March 31, 2006 01:27 PM
You go girl! I've found math text to be very effective, if you happpen to have one with you. (I was at school when I had to deal with a jerk.)
Posted by: Andrea at March 31, 2006 01:32 PM
You f**ckin' rock! Channel it on for all southern girls!!
Posted by: Susan at March 31, 2006 01:46 PM
That was hilarious! You are amazing! And so quick- thinking! In a similar situation I just smacked the guy as hard as I could. Which I'm sure wasn't very hard since I, also, dream of being 5'4". I wish you had been there with your "repressed anger";)
Posted by: jalynr at March 31, 2006 01:48 PM
Well, I am relieved to see I did not disappoint ya'll, what with my pure lack of class and all!!
I am so. happy, it's. friday ... the workday is dragging and I am jet lagged and possibly going through carb withdrawl LOL. I must have eaten my weight in bread each day!!
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 01:52 PM
roflmao YOU ROCK!!!! Number one rule in life is: Never piss off a southern chick. She will KICK your ass and laugh as your head rolls down the street. hehehehe
Posted by: Becky at March 31, 2006 01:57 PM
OH. MY. GOD.
Here's me cheering you for being such a badass Beatrix Kiddo!
It is depressing, however, that the United States doesn't TOTALLY have the market cornered on scum-sucking pig bastards from Hell. I was really considering kidnapping a French Rugby player named Thomas until I read this. Damn.
Posted by: jaclyn at March 31, 2006 01:58 PM
Oh My god, that was too funny! You go girl! You have to wonder though...how funny would it be if "HE" has a blog and is writing about the crazy woman that chased him down in Paris! lol Good for you!!
Posted by: Lesli at March 31, 2006 02:00 PM
Awesome story! You totally made me laugh out loud.
Posted by: Jess at March 31, 2006 02:04 PM
GO, LAURIE!!!!!!!!!!! :)
Posted by: debbie at March 31, 2006 02:06 PM
I can just see the frenchman's blog now - about how he was accosted by a crazy umbrella weilding American...of course, his story might be embellished out of ego or drunken memory...3 crazy cussing Americans with nightsticks and rifles chasing him down the street...
Posted by: Tami at March 31, 2006 02:09 PM
OMG...I so hope you twanged when you said that. There's nothing funnier, or scarier, than a pissed off southern princess.
Posted by: mollysusie at March 31, 2006 02:10 PM
It's amazing what being harassed in a foreign country can do! You Rock. I remember one time my dad was being hassled by gypsies in Italy and tho' he spoke no Italian, he channeled his inner opera singer and shouted something crass in Italian.
Can't wait to hear more about your trip!
Posted by: Amy at March 31, 2006 02:14 PM
OMG!!! That was too funny. I am from LA, too. MPG, love it, just love it. I think we are long lost sisters, though I am a little taller and um, not blonde.
Posted by: Michelle at March 31, 2006 02:22 PM
Chick, I freakin' luv ya! I can't wait to read more of your adventures!
Posted by: Danielle at March 31, 2006 02:34 PM
Whew! The CAP drought is over!! Missed you, but sounds like a fun fun time (umbrella incident et al)
Did you see what losers you've made out of all of us that we had to keep posting comments in the haircut story until you returned?!?
Posted by: cant_talk_knitting at March 31, 2006 02:37 PM
You ROCK! So great that you taught that creep a lesson. Hope he never forgets it! I'm going to get an umbrella.
Posted by: Pamela at March 31, 2006 02:38 PM
Well, do you feel better now, dear?
Posted by: Judith in Ottawa at March 31, 2006 02:40 PM
You are absolutely awsome!
I know you don't know me, but I hope it's ok that I'm putting a link of your last post on my blog. Your umbrella story is too wonderful.
Posted by: Jena at March 31, 2006 02:48 PM
Ah hev not fohgotten yuu, leetle blund Loz Anjhelez deemun! Ah weel flah to yuu cee-tay and breeng to yuu a beeg um-ba-rell-lah whackeeeng! En Guard!
Ma pauvre tete, oh la la, she aches!
Posted by: Le Mauvais Homme Français at March 31, 2006 02:49 PM
Best. Fricken. Story. EVER! I almost choked myself...and I may have even peed my pants, that was so funny!
Posted by: sandee at March 31, 2006 03:00 PM
Thank you for giving me the best laugh I've had in the 2 weeks I've been home with my sick kids. I am from Los Angeles, and I'm gonna have to learn how to say it with your southern accent for effect. I think you should record it and offer it on your web for us loyal Mary Poppins club members to hear. Cheers to you!
Posted by: mary at March 31, 2006 03:21 PM
OMG! I have had such a long day, and now I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! (One of my co-workers just stopped in my office and asked, "What's wrong?") So now I'm going to pick up my big-ass Mary Poppins umbrella, good for rain or weirdos, and go home, much happier than I was just a few minutes ago.
Posted by: janna at March 31, 2006 03:26 PM
Yehhh gurl!!! You kicked his ASS.
Now, that's what I'M talkin' about!!!!
Repressed anger meet "I care enough about my personal space to kick butt the best way I can."
Sheeeeeeet. By any means necessary (all props to Bro. Malcolm on that).
My friends know that I will NEVAH hesistate to pick up a chair or table if I have to in order to kick some butt.
See, women gottah realize that it's OKAY to kick some fool's ass or at least do some damage. These fools just don't know!!! You don't see men walking around town in little tippy heel shoes do you??? No, because they are prepared. Not waiting for evil to happen -- just prepared.
Posted by: kd at March 31, 2006 03:41 PM
I adore you. You are my idol. Kickin' Paris butt and all....
Posted by: Kim at March 31, 2006 03:55 PM
You are such a brawler! Los Angeles 'Represent'! Glad youre having fun in Paris, be safe.
Posted by: Tom at March 31, 2006 04:02 PM
LOVED the story; sorry to hear that you had a bad experience but at least the rest of the trip was great. Were the guys actually French? I don't think you actually came out & said so. And I hope Jennifer still gets to join the gang even though she was back at the hotel. But the jerk definitely got what he deserved. Yeah. Send the gator to git his dawg. Plane ticket to Paris: $500. Fondue dinner for 3 in bistro: $125. Dimunitive blonde chasing drunken bully down Parisian street with umbrella: priceless!
I was forced during your absence to make do with other blogs. They were not necessarily inferior, but they weren't you. I'll definitely check back on skinnyrabbit, but the others? Fine but just not must-read viewing like CAP! You even have your own bookmark on my screen header.
Posted by: Sue F. at March 31, 2006 04:11 PM
http://www.engrish-store.com/foftewotee.html
Your story reminded me of this.
Posted by: David at March 31, 2006 04:13 PM
http://www.engrish-store.com/foftewotee.html
Your story reminded me of this.
Posted by: David at March 31, 2006 04:13 PM
I love that last story. You GO, CAP, you GO.
Posted by: Chris at March 31, 2006 04:14 PM
Sue: there was some discussion, if the guys were actually French. I voted for Greek, I think someone else said maybe they might be Estonian. We were guessing, I have no idea (they did speak French though) (and English)
I LOVE LOVE www.skinnyrabbit.com!! Becky's creations are stunning and she is so cute you want to eat her up, I think she is the coolest, and I adore her website too :)
Posted by: laurie at March 31, 2006 04:15 PM
*@%&#!!! F***ING DOUBLE POST!
Posted by: David at March 31, 2006 04:18 PM
my mother is NOT a knitter. i introduced her to your blog many months ago. she called me the other day and cried, "crazy aunt purl has not updated her blog! whaaaa!". what could i do? i told her to email you, but she wouldn't/didn't. then, yesterday, she text messaged me at work to say, "crazy aunt p. is in france!" all was forgiven. now she understood why the hairdresser was still on your blog. ;) mom is a hoot.
i'll have to tell her you've updated again! have fun in paris, you so deserve the vacation. i bet that french man you whacked had visions of rodney king in his head ;) he knows folks from LA can kick ass!
Posted by: gray la gran at March 31, 2006 04:22 PM
I absolutely LOVE your blog, and the Paris story had me laughing so hard. I'm glad it turned out that you were safe, and he was weak! aka drunk.
Posted by: Rhonda at March 31, 2006 04:23 PM
That's it - I'm throwing my dainty little folding umbrella in the trash & buying a big Thug-Whacker! Way to go, Laurie! You Rock!!!
Posted by: Carol M at March 31, 2006 04:32 PM
hey from texas...originally from england...just found your website because of a misti alpaca search and because of this uncontrollable to seek out everything knitting! just wanted to comment on the misti alpaca....i'm in the middle of knitting a good size blanket for my goddaughter and her fiance for their wedding present... i tried other yarns but couldn't resist the feel of it! i knew it was going to be expensive (i needed 15 plus skeins!) but she's worth it... a beginning knitter herself so the appreciation factor is there! anyway...i love it and will always have this crazy love for it forever!
Posted by: jane at March 31, 2006 04:40 PM
Hmmm. I think I'd like you to go to Paris with me when I go, whenever that happens.
I came across your site last week and suddenly can't stop checking for updates.
Posted by: Jenn at March 31, 2006 04:45 PM
Oh Laurie, you are now my role model. The defender of friends! With an umbrella! I bet the drunk sure wasn't expecting you to speak up, let alone give him a beating!
Posted by: Maryann at March 31, 2006 04:54 PM
Holy crap that was funny!
Posted by: Kelly at March 31, 2006 04:59 PM
I am so glad I waited for my boss to leave before reading this because I laughed out loud. I loved that Shannon and Amber laughed at him, while you beat him with an umbrella. I'm sure he will never, NEVER, live that one down among his friends.
Mary Poppins Gang is so funny. I was just thinking yesterday when I saw that photo of the gals in front of the Louvre that it looked like a Mary Poppins casting call.
Posted by: Laurie Ann at March 31, 2006 05:13 PM
Our little Purl, defender of the masses -- you make me proud, you make me smile. Obviously Sobakawa has rubbed off on you.
Posted by: Leslie at March 31, 2006 05:22 PM
You should teach self defense classes. I bet they will think twice about talking to ANY women like that again.
Posted by: T at March 31, 2006 05:26 PM
Just a spoon full of ass-kick helps the medicine go down... the medicine go dowwwwwn, the medicine go down...
Posted by: Librarian Girl at March 31, 2006 05:33 PM
Way to kick ass, Laurie! You're my hero!!! ;D
Posted by: Mandy at March 31, 2006 05:36 PM
I love it! You not only went to Paris, you kicked its ASS (or at least its sorry drunk redneck-equivalent-ass) while there. I'm now convinced we Cancerians are on a major upswing. That was just the start of it.
Posted by: Catherine at March 31, 2006 05:46 PM
LOL! I am frickin laughing my ass off! Hilarious!!!!!!!
I'm a daily lurker btw.
Posted by: kross-eyed kitty at March 31, 2006 05:47 PM
lmao! tears are running down my face. how hilarious. ah heck, i just stopped typing so i could laugh some more.
"i'm from los angeles, mf! i'll bust your ass"
oh my god. you just made my day. he deserved all you could give him tho!
Posted by: tammy at March 31, 2006 05:47 PM
AWESOME. Thanks for representing the West-SIDE! Bet that guy will think twice before acting like an ass again. Short but deadly!
Posted by: Alicia at March 31, 2006 06:00 PM
I'm from Los angeles mother****er. I'm going to have to remember that one! OMG1 I have never laughed so hard -- multiple times -- at one of your posts.
Posted by: Erin at March 31, 2006 06:29 PM
Good on ya girl!
Watch out for those English blokes too, they're just as bad!
Posted by: Ella at March 31, 2006 06:29 PM
Oh. My. God. That is the funniest damn thing I've heard in a long time.
So Proud Of You. You stood up and were amazing. You Rule Paris!
Posted by: KathyMarie at March 31, 2006 07:14 PM
Oh man. I'm down to fits of giggling now. This is good. This means I can breathe. Oh man, that must have been awesome!
Posted by: Katy Ullman at March 31, 2006 07:24 PM
It sounds like you had so much fun. And All I can say is that I wanna be just like *you* when I grow up. Beating up poor drunks in Paris with umbrellas. That's just too cook for words. :D
Posted by: Kelly at March 31, 2006 07:30 PM
Woo! Go Laurie, it's ya birf-day, go Laurie...
;)
Awesome. Simply awesome.
Posted by: Cher at March 31, 2006 07:54 PM
I've said it before and I'll probably say it at least 100 times more: You totally rock and I love you and You go girl! From NY to LA *hugs*
Posted by: Lucky at March 31, 2006 08:05 PM
Oh for heavaen's sake, I laughed and laughed and laughed. Phew. I'm going to Paris in the summer; I can only hope us bunch of Florian students will have as much of an adventure with cowardly French men (or ones who cannot fight when drunk and whapped by Mary Poppins.)
Posted by: mod at March 31, 2006 08:36 PM
It's April 1st here now in EST zone; don't be a poisson d'Avril! :)
And why it's an April fish instead of an April fool is beyond me- I think it comes out to the same thing anyway
Posted by: Sue F> at March 31, 2006 09:07 PM
If you jump me in to the Mary Poppins Crew, is it for life? Like, if I want out of the gang, do I have to watch you kill someone and not rat you out to the popo to earn my way out? Do I have to take on for the sistah's?
Love your stories girl....I'm now an official Crazy Aunt Purl stalker. I was stalking your blog for days not knowing you were on vacation...until I had to become disgusted in my pathetic self.
Posted by: Maribel at March 31, 2006 10:28 PM
Laurie,
You are a berzerker! That's what happened to Vkings in battle. You are a berzerker with a bumbershoot. (umbrella)
Keep having a good time in Paris. You are again proving to be a good role model for us traveling women. This reminds me of a friend's story from Morocco or Turkey. A man was following her so she turned around, bared her claws and HISSED at him, like a cat!
As I said, keep having fun!!!
Alaska Sharon
P.S. I love you, you are too brave and funny.
Posted by: Sharon at March 31, 2006 10:40 PM
Beating a man with an umbrella -- hilarious.
Also, who cares if the guy proposed in a parking lot? It was by the Eiffel Tower. Now if he had done it in the parking lot of a TJ's, I might have some issues. But then maybe he was just wanted to get some bargain wine to celebrate the moment.
Anywho. Glad to hear you had a great trip.
Posted by: Dagny at April 1, 2006 01:02 AM
that was classic!! ha!
Posted by: batty at April 1, 2006 01:25 AM
Way to go! Although I would have shoved the point in a delicate area to make sure he got the message! What is is with drunks? I had a go round with a drunk in Boston on my bus and all I have to say is Thank God for my size 2 Crystal Palace double points! Can I join even though I didn't use an umbrella?
It serves him right for not only are you from LA you are a Red Neck Women!
Posted by: Kimberly at April 1, 2006 02:45 AM
YOU GO GIRL!
You're my hero.
Mo
Posted by: Mo at April 1, 2006 03:27 AM
Laurie, that is the best umbrella attack story ever! My daughter is on her first ever trip away from home travelling independently, and I made sure she took her umbrella. She was going to take a teeny tiny folding one, but I handed her my bright red one with the wooden duck's head handle with the instruction that it was for whupping drunks. As I am already demonstrably mad, she didn't look at me too funny, but I will explain it to her later.
Posted by: irene at April 1, 2006 03:28 AM
Just like the post from Irene. I'll be sending my 15 yr old daughter over to Italy very soon with her school for nine whole days. My first instinct was a fold up umbrella to fit in her bag...but your story sure changed my mind! I'm gonna go buy her one with a metal pointy tip! Even though the kids will be closely supervised I know how it can be!
Thanks for the good advice and thanks for the many laughs!
Posted by: Carrie at April 1, 2006 03:49 AM
This is possibly the best story involving, Paris, cheese, and an umbrella that I have ever heard. Really. Excellent excellent storytelling.
Posted by: Rose at April 1, 2006 03:54 AM
i love your umbrella attack story. when i lived there as a kid, i was harrassed constantly which definitely had a profound effect on me. if only i'd had you with an umbrella to save me.
i'm taking my 17-18 year old nieces this summer. i'll be sure to carry an umbrella at all times!
Posted by: maryse at April 1, 2006 03:55 AM
Welcome back Laurie. All hail the Mary Poppins Gang! Super-cali-fradgi-listic Expi-al-i-do-shus!!
Posted by: Lisa at April 1, 2006 04:05 AM
Damn, girl! You go. Nothing like a really pissed off Southern Woman!
Debbie from Atlanta
Posted by: Debbie at April 1, 2006 04:09 AM
That is hilarious. Thanks for the entertainment!
Posted by: Sarah at April 1, 2006 04:36 AM
Three cheers for rain!!! I'm glad you were armed, girl! Way to go, MP'S!!!
Posted by: townie girl at April 1, 2006 04:51 AM
hey! not all people from baltimore are that tacky, i can assure you! only some of us ;)
at least the cute gendarme made up for the lousy umbrella-beaten drunk louts.
Posted by: caroline m. at April 1, 2006 05:17 AM
Laurie! Great story! I am going to Paris in June, so thanks for the advance tip on what the proper accessories are (big whackin'-size umbrella, check!)! I may not be from LA, but I am from Detroit, which could work too. ;)
Posted by: Miri at April 1, 2006 05:53 AM
God, I love being from the South. We know a thing or two about raising some ass-kicking spitfire women. :-) And we are dainty the whole time we kick.
Posted by: Jess at April 1, 2006 06:22 AM
I'm so glad you had a great vacation! And way to defend your friend! And way to kick some Francoise Derriere.
Posted by: Cristi at April 1, 2006 06:59 AM
That is the FUNNIEST thing I've EVER HEARD!!! I LOVE you!
Posted by: Pea at April 1, 2006 07:03 AM
yea! glad you're back and you combatted evil with your umbrella! way to go!
Posted by: rhett at April 1, 2006 07:21 AM
that is great. hope you got it all out of your system :) There is gonna be a run on umbrellas around the country. you could sell Mary Poppins Gang merchandise as a fundraiser, ya think? but really, you could have at least said goodbye so we didn't all spend a week looking at Aharon...
Posted by: Tonja at April 1, 2006 08:25 AM
Seriously, that is FABULOUS!!! I think I need a bigger umbrella. I once stood in a street in Italy and swore a very loud blue streak (in Italian) at a guy who had been pestering me until he finally gave up and went away. Wish I'd had me that brolly.
Posted by: Anna at April 1, 2006 08:39 AM
Were we seperated at birth? Totally something I would do. You go Laurie!! Give 'em hell. Who did these guys think they were dealing with anyway? Obviously, they underestimated Crazy Aunt Purl and her Mary Poppins Gang of homegirls!
Seriously, sorry that an otherwise enjoyable evening was temporarily f*d up by a bunch of morons. But... Aren't you really glad to know that you can kick some booty when the need arises. :)
Posted by: Lorraine at April 1, 2006 08:41 AM
You Rock.
Posted by: amandamonkey at April 1, 2006 09:17 AM
Geez! I hope you have a permit to carry that thing! Just remember that the travel umbrella, under your coat, is considered a concealed weapon.
I can honestly say that in over 10 years of traveling to France, that has never happened to me. But I am not a cute 30something like you!
Buffoons come in all nationalities. Stay safe and have a great trip!
Posted by: Molly at April 1, 2006 09:19 AM
Too freakin' hilarious! This puts the vacation post on my blog to shame about watching ducks march down a red carpet in Memphis. (Okay, let's be real - all of your posts put mine to shame.) I'm a southern girl too but had no umbrella beatin'/ass kickin' stories to share. I killed a bunch of bugs with my car windshield though. Does that count?
Posted by: Bevvy at April 1, 2006 09:28 AM
Fabulous Mary Poppins story!
It reminded me of that scene in the movie "50 First Dates" when Drew Barrymore beats this guy with a bat and screams, "Keep Running!" and then smiles sweetly at Adam Sandler.
I laughed and laughed when I saw that scene and your story made me laugh and tell 5 friends.
Thanks for the giggles!
Posted by: Wendy at April 1, 2006 10:14 AM
Hahahah! You go girl!
Posted by: Elemmaciltur at April 1, 2006 10:19 AM
as I write this comment there are a 190 comments ahead of me every one said a little of what I was going to say so I cant ad anything worth while but if You are ever here in Sacramento an I need to go anywhere like downtown at nite can you cover my back?? That pretty face and Southern Grace mixed in with some LA homegirl we can go places and eventually rule the world
Posted by: Brian at April 1, 2006 10:38 AM
I am so going to use that line. I read this post to SO, so he'll know what I mean when I say it - and it won't mean "I want some fondue"! Fortunately, I work in a kitchen, where there are knives and big heavy skillets, so I won't have to be lugging an umbrella all the time. You so totally rock, dude.
Posted by: k at April 1, 2006 10:40 AM
You are my hero, Laurie.
Posted by: Kate at April 1, 2006 11:07 AM
Thats the best! I'm surprised there wasnt headlines on CNN.. "Crazy American Tourist beats over friendly Frenchman with umbrella"!
Posted by: Michelle at April 1, 2006 11:40 AM
LOL. Biere academy pic and commentary are priceless!
Posted by: Michele at April 1, 2006 12:58 PM
Love reading about your trip! I'm an ex-pat living in the 'burbs of Paris and I've been here 22 years. I've been here so long now that I don't even blink when I see a cute gendarme anymore, sigh...
When you live long enough in one place, after awhile it's like living anywhere because you get used to it. Thanks for bringing back some of the magic :o)
Posted by: Sandra at April 1, 2006 03:33 PM
You had me with the cheese and the bread. I now ADORE you with the "I'll bust your ass" comment! That was freakin' awesome.
Posted by: sfhulagirl at April 1, 2006 04:00 PM
Haha, that was excellent. Way to send Pepe Le Pew on his way.
I wouldn't worry about the Tourism people. You *want* to scare off that type. L.A. doesn't need tourists like that.
Posted by: sunflower at April 1, 2006 04:16 PM
It's so nice to get your vacation updates. :-) This is most definitely the funniest post you've done yet. OMGoodness, too sweet. Remember when Bonnie Marie a la ChickKnits went to Paris last year? She had her own little MF moment on the bus. I'm so glad you had a happy ending. And good fondue.
Posted by: Tamara at April 1, 2006 04:24 PM
Argh, sorry, Bonne Marie - my fingers do their own thing. Still laughing...
Posted by: Tamara at April 1, 2006 04:25 PM
Nevah, evah, underestimate the power of anger and a good girl. Hell hath no fury..... Glad your crew is having a good time and in very good hands. That will teach that so and so not to mess with someone from LA, You are just too funny, sometimes i feel like I'm watching Ally McBeal (when it was good) ala Southern style. Its fabulous to be able to be a fly on the wall in your life. See babe, you are more wonderul then you know!
Posted by: Robby at April 1, 2006 05:03 PM
DON'T F**K WITH THE BITCH!!!
Posted by: schnoobie at April 1, 2006 08:12 PM
seriously!! you are to be feared on an INTERNATIONAL LEVEL! I'm in awe...go girl!
Posted by: schnoobie at April 1, 2006 08:19 PM
It's been said before by everyone else, so I might as well say it too....
YOU ARE MY HERO!!!
AJ
Posted by: AJ at April 1, 2006 08:22 PM
I hope you read down this far, Laurie. I foud this on DailyKos.
http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf
Umbrellas seem to be the new Uzi.
Posted by: k at April 1, 2006 08:28 PM
I am 42 years old. I have just wet my pants. Thank You for the "Mary Poppins" installment. It is probably the funniest thing I have ever read.The visual I got will last me a loooooong time!!!! You are too, too much, girl!
Posted by: kim at April 2, 2006 05:37 AM
here via nuenna-- LOVE the mary poppins reference!
Posted by: cmhl at April 2, 2006 10:09 AM
I so admire you!
Posted by: mrspao at April 2, 2006 10:19 AM
ROFLMAO!!!!! If the hysterics last much longer, will somebody please come to Las Vegas and help me up off the floor? To think I was considering shopping for pepper spray--I'll just get me a big ol' golf umbrella! (Us transplanted Hoosiers don't put up with much, either.) Thanks for the best story I've ever heard! (ROFLMAO!!!!)
Posted by: Anne at April 2, 2006 11:51 AM
You rock! that story has me laughing out loud! (Usually I just smile in an amused fashion!)
Thank you!!
Posted by: Sharah at April 2, 2006 12:37 PM
You go, sister! I am from L.A., so I get this. "Motherf*****r" is used on a daily basis here, but it's good to know it still has some kick in Paris! That'll teach those Frenchies!
Posted by: Jeannine at April 2, 2006 12:53 PM
That is the best story of Paris I've read in a very long time. Felt like I was right with you... and I do own a very weighty umbrella, you know, just in case. :) You're my hero(ine)!
Posted by: Patti of Queens at April 2, 2006 01:44 PM
YES! Too effen funny!
Isn't it funny to see bullies cower in fear!
Posted by: Lynae at April 2, 2006 04:18 PM
Ah, Paris--City of Love!
Posted by: Sarah at April 2, 2006 04:26 PM
Sounds like the French adventures are crazy!! Wish I was there!
Mia
Posted by: Mia at April 2, 2006 07:51 PM
I have GOT to remember this one for Italy!
Posted by: Winegrrl at April 2, 2006 08:53 PM
i'm trying to laugh quietly so i don't wake up the whole house!!! (not succeeding) can't wait to show your latest adventure to my 15 y/o in the morning - will send him out to school with a smile on his face (you make him laugh out loud, and the MPG takes the cake!)
missed you while you were gone.... but glad your trip was, well, full of stories. :)
Posted by: kathy in seattle at April 3, 2006 12:07 AM
Oh My God
I'm in the Valley, Souther born and breed. We need to hook up!
Southern women unite!
Loved your blog, this is the first one I read I I love it already.
You go gurl!
Posted by: Samantha at April 3, 2006 01:01 AM
My grammy emailed me to ask what I am looking forward to doing in Paris when we go ( 11 days...) So I checked out your blog for some inspiration. I am now wiping away tears and trying to come up with a believeable excuse for the laughter I just Could Not Hold Back - as I sit at my desk at 6 a.m. on a Monday. Mental Note: Bring sturdy umbrella & attitude to Paris.
thanks Laurie!
Posted by: Brianne at April 3, 2006 06:03 AM
I know I'm late to the party and just getting a chance to read this but I would have paid good money to see you chasing and beating that idiot around Paris. What a great way to start a rainy Monday morning1
Tanya
Posted by: Tanya at April 3, 2006 07:04 AM
How funny!! I can just see you swing the umbrella with a mad gleam in your eyes. A blow for women everywhere!
Posted by: Barbara at April 3, 2006 07:56 AM
Just a quick shout out from a girl in NC living just 9 miles from the whole Duke Lacross team fiasco, thank you, from women everywhere... You Rock! And I love the final line... for some reason I don't think that "I'm from Chapel Hill motherf*" would work so well, so if ever in Paris in a similar situation, I'll have to remember to fib a bit! :) And Always Carry an Umbrella!
Glad you're back... have definitely been missin' my CAP fix! :)
Posted by: Amy in NC at April 3, 2006 08:14 AM
Proud of my Southern-sistah giving the bad buy a beat-down with a 'brella! The bf and I read your story thd other day and neither of us can stop laughing or saying " way to damn go!".
If I want to become members of the MPG by proxy ( getting jumped-in is SO 1990's), what are the gang colors? I plan to go umbrella- shopping once I learn and wanna make sure nobody disses the 'brella.
Glad you're home and back to writing and kitty-cuddling.
Alice and Mr. Alice ( he and I are both knitters and cat parents)
Posted by: alice at April 3, 2006 08:31 AM
OMG... you are too funny. Everybody needs friends like you!!!
Posted by: Sheila at April 3, 2006 08:31 AM
OMG... you are too funny. Everybody needs friends like you!!!
Posted by: Sheila at April 3, 2006 08:31 AM
Holy cow! Amy, you and I both live in CH.
We can start out own local chapter of the MPG.
"We're from Chapel Hill, mofos! REP-RE-SENT!!!!"
Posted by: Alice at April 3, 2006 08:36 AM
Holy cow! Amy, you and I both live in CH.
We can start out own local chapter of the MPG.
"We're from Chapel Hill, mofos! REP-RE-SENT!!!!"
Posted by: Alice at April 3, 2006 08:37 AM
OMG. That is just hilarious! And he cowered! Even better. Glad to hear you had a good time in Paris.
Posted by: jennifer at April 3, 2006 09:34 AM
Ha ha ha! OMG you are f*cking awesome!
Posted by: Natalie at April 3, 2006 10:34 AM
Oh Crazy Aunt Purl, I adore you. I'm so glad I'm working from home today so I can laugh out loud and not get a hernia trying to hold it in! (The cat got up and left the couch in a huff, I laughed so hard)
You, my dear, are the cat's pajamas. The bee's knees! You are the hot in the hot and sour soup of life! :)
Posted by: Anonymous at April 3, 2006 11:34 AM
Laurie, you rock! Gavin DeBecker ("The Gift of Fear", all y'all READ it!) has nothing to teach you.
*~* libby, how 'bout you and I take care of Seattle? Those spineless, latte-swilling poseurs won't know what hit them! *~*
Posted by: jeanne at April 3, 2006 12:00 PM
God, how I missed your blog while you were gone. The Mary Poppins Gang is TOO much. . . I'm lucky I didn't pee my pants. But where was your tres hot gendarme when you needed him? ;-)
Posted by: dylansmom at April 3, 2006 12:02 PM
That was AWESOME. I hope that guy will think twice before he decides to harass another woman like that!
Posted by: Mary Ellen at April 3, 2006 12:33 PM
I have a feeling that from now on whenever I see Mary Poppins, I will suddenly get a craving for fondue.
10,000 points to the southerner who kicked ass in Paris!
:)
Posted by: Micky at April 3, 2006 01:00 PM
MWHAHAHA!!! Priceless!
Posted by: melissa at April 3, 2006 01:29 PM
Laurie,
All your entries on your blog are "tres wonderful", BUT - - I think THIS one has been the best! I was sitting here in my office, eating my lunch and reading it, and laughed so hard I almost spit out my lunch!
"Mary Poppins Gang" - - priceless - - TOO priceless! :-)
Posted by: Dizzy Ms. Lizzy at April 3, 2006 01:42 PM
Aunt Purl you rock my world :-) karola
i totally understanding living in the heart of Harlem.. everyone fears me :-) hee..hee..
Posted by: Karola at April 3, 2006 01:48 PM
Crazy Aunt P, reprezentin da MPG in da hizzous!
Word.
Posted by: MonkeyGurrl at April 3, 2006 05:30 PM
I WISH I HAD BEEN WITH YOU WITH A HUGE GOLF UMBRELLA. I HAVE SOME REPRESSED ANGER TO WORK OUT AND I TEND TO GET PHYSICAL WHEN I'M REALLY PISSED OFF! I TRY NOT TO LET THAT HAPPEN TOO OFTEN... AS LONG AS NO ONE MESSES WITH MY FRIENDS OR WEAKER PEOPLE OR ANIMALS. THEN I BECOME INSANELY WILD. I SHOULD HAVE A CAPE AND LEOTARDS WITH SUPERBITCH EMBLAZONED ACROSS MY MEAGER CHEST! LOVE YOU
Posted by: MARY ERDMAN at April 3, 2006 06:58 PM
Non, you do NOT want to mess with the 818!
Posted by: purldiver at April 3, 2006 07:02 PM
You are SUCH a great writer! I chech back with your blog on days when I need a giggle and today, you made me snort! Marry Poppins Gangstas bustin it!
Posted by: cpixi at April 3, 2006 09:27 PM
Gosh, I think that story was scary! I'm glad you whacked him.
Too bad you didn't get a picture for http://www.hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/. International embarrassment, baybee.
Posted by: pamelamama at April 3, 2006 10:38 PM
GOd Bless You and your repressed anger and your sturdy umbrella!!!!!
Posted by: abi at April 4, 2006 01:54 AM
You are awesomeness personified... and an awesome storyteller. Thanks for the laugh! Mary Poppins Gang - tee hee!
Posted by: casey at April 4, 2006 03:43 AM
Good, bust his *ss ! That type of dog needs the occational "correction" to keep him in line.
Posted by: Paulie at April 4, 2006 03:46 AM
O. M. G. You rock. Not to sound motherly or anything (and yes, I know, that neck of Europe is practically devoid of violent crime) but please be careful!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: ck at April 4, 2006 07:48 AM
Beware, Laurie. A link to your blog has been posted to the comments on Dave Barry's blog. Lord knows what kind of visitors you'll get here now. Those people are just not quite right in the head.
Plus they'll be wishing Jack Baur had shot the aggressive guy in the thigh...
Posted by: Amanda at April 4, 2006 07:57 AM
OMG! What a great story!
Little tidbit, not quite so well told-
friends of mine were visiting Paris for the first time two years ago. They were taking the subway from the airport to their hotel, and a guy grabbed my friend's wallet and exited the train. I guess he didn't realize he was grabbing the wallet of a NewYorker...next thing you know, said friend jumps off of the train, chases pickpocket, tackles him in the street football style, and takes back the wallet.
Posted by: Sarah at April 4, 2006 08:43 AM
Hey!
I'm from the Barry Blog, and I'm OK ... um ... nevermind ...
GREAT STORY! I LOVE IT!
I work in LA part of the year, and I can identify with your "attitude adjustment" thinking ...
I'm a male-gender-type person ... is it OK for me to look in once in a while? (Lotsa laffs here ... merely sayin' ...)
Posted by: O. the U(manity) at April 4, 2006 08:48 AM
That is just too freaking perfect.
Posted by: Jennifer at April 4, 2006 09:37 AM
best. story. ever.
Power to the Poppins~!
Posted by: jaybird at April 4, 2006 08:15 PM
Best.Story.Ever. The Mary Poppins Gang; ouch, I bet they had a story to tell the next morning too!
Posted by: bernie at April 4, 2006 08:27 PM
First off, the LA Tourism Office should be begging you and your umbrella to give tours of LA. You just never know when you'll need a protective tour guide.
And, secondly, the cute little gendarmes aren't so appealing when they're writing you a speeding ticket. Trust me on this one.
Posted by: Krista at April 4, 2006 11:26 PM
I'm laughing so hard I'm crying, crying at my desk at work. Oh lord, the best thing I have done in a long time was add this blog to my regular reads. Thanks for the laughs
Posted by: Shannon at April 5, 2006 09:48 AM
Damn girl, we have GOT to be friends someday.
Posted by: Nic at April 7, 2006 06:08 AM
You rock. Completely and absolutely.
Posted by: Anonymous at April 13, 2006 07:03 AM
O.M.G. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! You rock, girl!
Posted by: DG at April 30, 2006 04:52 AM
