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February 14, 2006

A day celebrating pink cannot be all bad.


By now you know my theory on Valentine's Day. Yes, I suspect other people are out getting lucky while I myself will be making sweet love to my Tivo. But I have somehow convinced myself that any holiday which chooses pink as it's primary color and chocolate as its official food is OK in my book.

Sure, a part of you suspects that everyone on the face of the earth except you is having steamy sex involving complicated lingerie and jazz music, but that's a small price to pay for aisles and aisles of pink velvet hearts with little pieces of Godiva inside.

And the possibility exists that in the next 364 days you might also find yourself shopping for unmentionables and stocking up on John Coltraine CDs. It could happen. Oh! Remind me to tell ya'll the funny story of my very first ever purchase of complicated lingerie and how my boyfriend had to literally cut me out of it because after several glasses of wine and maybe some jello shooters at the club (college... need I say more?) neither of us could figure out how to get the thing off, and then before long I was making funny voices and saying, "Well, I declare! She gone and died in her fancy panties! Her fancy panties up and attacked her while she was being sexy!" and of course it wasn't sexy at all by that point, but we managed somehow to laugh ourselves silly then accidentally set something on fire when we knocked over a candle while cutting off $60 of very, very complicated lingerie.

Of course, I can't tell ya'll about that here because my parents read this here website and would be horrified, and also maybe shaking their heads because as much as they do not want to picture me in a complicated get-up in a compromising position with my college boyfriend, they can absolutely see in their mind's eye their incredibly classy daughter being cut out of something from Frederick's and making a big Blanche Dubois moment of the whole thing. "Why I do declare, we should rely on the kindness of strangers to free me from this here pantyhose contraption with bustier and for the love of God, do you have scissors? The exertion of all this sexiness has left me parched! More wine!"

So, no, of course we cannot discuss it here. But next time you see me, be sure to ask me about it. And pass the jello shooters!


Posted by laurie at February 14, 2006 8:57 AM