Dude, you think you've got it rough? I hate Valentine's Day and we don't even HAVE TiVo in the Great White North. I have to make due with plain old CABLE to while away the hours while others are having steamy sex.

I think this occasion calls for wine. A lot of it.

Happy Valentine's Day! Here's to cutting yourself out of your underwear! *clink*

JELLO SHOOTERS?!?!?! YUMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! Don't bogart the shooters, man. There's enough for everybody, right?!

Monkey, you are a woman after my own heart.

I *LOVE* me some Soba.

I had to call a friend and make her read it while I tried to stop luaghing/crying.
Happy Valentine's Day~

Your post is sooooo funny...as well as the pics of the cats...the Vulcan one...*giggles*...

Love the lingerie non-story. Heh. I'm sure your parents will never see it.

I love chocolate, but not so much Valentine's Day.

I think wine is in order for tonight for me as well.

I hate Valentine's Day, but I love the red wine I drink on Valentine's Day. So yaaay! It's V-Day! red wine!

Will Bob be my Valentine?

Love the lingerie story. Too funny. Almost died laughing in my cubicle.

Just so you know, you aren't the only one not steaming up the windows on V-day.

:-P

OK, for the *second* time in the last hour I am ROFLMAO helplessly, at work. Can you say "lost productivity"? I bet my boss could say "stop reading blogs already and get to work."

Well, Coltrane is pretty cool - one of my all-time heroes - but there is a whole buncha other cool folks you might like. Anything by Cassandra Wilson, Miles Davis' album "Kinda Blue," Nusrat Fatah Ali Khan's CD "Night Music," the CD by Sanjay Mishra and Jerry Garcia (believe it or not!) and of course Bryan Ferry. I will never understand why Jerry Hall dumped Bryan Ferry for Mick...

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, Hon!

I got my bracelet caught in the lace on the backside of my underwears recently in a public bathroom & had to ask a stranger to help me out.

At least it wasn't the fire department, you know?

RB - I would've called the fire dept for that one. ;)

My word, you crack my shit up. Fancy, expensive, complicated bustiers off to our very own Aunt Purl!

I need a cat. That's all there is to it. My life will not be complete, nor entertaining ANYMORE until I have a cat.

And maybe some chocolate I will not eat (because I am an alien, and do not like chocolate) and some vodka. And Red Bull.

Happy V-Day, Laurie! That has to be one of the funniest posts ever! Better than my smokehouse story! I will raise my glass of merlot to you tonight!

shit, now i'm just imagining complicated lingerie, hot tin roofs, scissors and CAP.

i am not a stalker.

Laurie- I've been reading your blog for a couple of months now, just since I started knitting myself. I can't tell you how much you've made me laugh and how much I have enjoyed it.

So I hope you feel the love this Valentine's Day from your loyal blog readers. Think pink! Think chocolate! Think wine! (DO NOT THINK jello shooters.)

Happy Valentine's!

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh we love the kitty love.
big smooches for the kitties.

And happy pagan love day, y'all!!!!!!!!!

Cutting off lingerie -- classic.

ya know even the married folks arn't getting jiggy wit it LOL!

- shygirl, married and happy but not getting much booty

silly!!! it's random button day! i can even make you one, if you want. :)

At least go out and buy yourself some ridiculously expensive and decadent chocolate (cake) to enjoy today. There are definitely days when I would give up the sex and have the cake instead. (Not a slight on my man, my man rocks it. I just love cake.)

Have a happy, Aunt Purl!

Now it would have been REALLY kinky if he'd tied you up in the scraps and covered you in Cool Whip. Err.
Nevermind.

I've never had to be cut out of lingerie, but I have been with a guy and had his tongue piercing go missing at an inopportune time. O_o

(It was in the sheets, thank gawd.)

You so didn't want to know that, did you?

did he use scissors? because i find a machete works too.

um.

hi.

happy v-day laurie and soba and frankie and bob and roy! (and yarn and wine. i have to address your whole family.)

Thank Whoever that I'm not the only one to have to be cut out of my lingerie (it was my wedding night, no less) (no, he's looooong gone). And I wasn't even drunk! (sigh)

Here's a virtual chocolate from See's for ya (any flavor prefernce?)(my dad got a box for me, I am so spoiled) drink lots of red red wine for me!

Happy Valentines to the three cats and the furry Vulcan!

(Sorry about all the parentheses)(sorry)

Soba should meet my Bailey.

If Bailey had thumbs, we would all be dead by now.

Happy Valentines Day!

I laughed hysterically at your "trapped in the lingerie" story.
I once spent an hour in a Lord N Taylor dressing room, fearful that I would need to be cut out of a dress I was trying on since it would neither clear the chest on the way up or the hips on the way down. Happy Pink Chocolate day to you and your kitties

i just had to comment, been blogstalking for WAY too long now! too freaking funny, purl!! i swear, i have to close my office door everytime i check your blog.

enjoy your v-day with lots of wine, kitties and yarn of course. and hey, a purchase of sexy (albeit slightly less complicated) underwears would still be called for!

Happy Valentines Day to you and the Fur Kids!

Happy Hallmark Holiday to you! :) That was a GREAT story. Here's to Red Wine, Pink Cell Phones and an instruction manual with any kinky undies! :)

I'd rather be alone than require an official holiday to make someone love me who should be loving me everyday. Hence, I'll be drinking a bottle of wine tonight and hanging out with my imaginary cats.

I can't believe I just posted the above comment with your url as my own. Actually, I CAN believe it. Sorry about that.

pants, j'adore!

(and I love parentheses too!!)

I'll be making love to a TV and cable that does not work tonight sister!!! Actually I'll probably be snuggling with my new spinning wheel- and the cat and dog, as my bf dumped me TWO days ago. (I'm still fuming)

The lingere story cracked me up. One of my good friends in college has one that involves trying to get it on in the backseat of the car, wearing a short skirt, knee-high lace up Doc martins and fishnet tights. Needles to say, the fishnets were cut off, because they couldn't get the Docs unlaced- and the way she tells it is pretty hysterical....

Laurie, I really can't believe that you don't have boys crawling all over you. Anyone that can make a joke out of a ruined lingerie moment should have her own harem.

I think I have to have more Blanche DuBois moments in my life. Obviously I have been missing out.

And something tells me that you have only one cat that enjoys mugging for the camera, am I right?

Ok, Soba is adorable, but she really is the most evil looking cat I've ever seen.

I hope you have a happy day. I have to say I am very jealous of your new phone. I got a new razor hello moto phone right before the pink ones and boy am I sorry.

To the color pink and the endless possibilities of the future!

As my Valentines/b-day gift I just found out my younger sister is going to make me an auntie. Only a knitter would be excited about finally having a baby to knit for. Must have chocolate and wine to celebrate. The kitties may even get a special treat (don't tell Roy but they might share a slice of Canadian bacon).

Hilarious lingerie story, and my guess is that there aren't THAT many people having such steamy sex. Sure, there are some, but I'll bet a lot of people either:

a) ate and drank so much that sex was no longer even a possibility

or

b) just have non-steamy sex on Valentine's Day to say that they had some sort of sex on Valentine's Day.

I say just kick back with your tivo (or your favorite battery-operated gismo) and be happy with the fact that you don't have to actually share ANY of the chocolate in that hearth-shaped box you bought yourself.

Girl, you are hilarious. I'll think of you as I celebrate with my newly prescribed inhaler and bottle of Zithromax to treat my flu and pneumonia. Happy V Day indeed...Giddyup!

My former roommate once told me that in Bulgaria, the land of her birth, St. Valentine's day is the day on which everyone cuts their grapevines to get them ready for the next growing season. So in celebration, everyone has to drink up all of the wine left in the house to make room for next year's wine. In Bulgaria, they seem to go right past the silly romance and elaborate underwear, and get to the important stuff: vino.

I love the lingerie story. I'm not into "complicated" lingerie either. I have never been able to feel sexy in some scratchy lace concoction with a sting up my butt. Happy "VD" to you and the cats! I'm spending the evening with my bird, some wine, and my knitting needles and finishing up a festive shrug to wear to a Mardis Gras party on Saturday night.

Btw: if it makes anyone feel better, I read today that there are a lot of other people who hate "VD" too. Also, that's when a lot of people separate and serve divorce papers.

*ROFL*

Well, I'll be thinking of you this evening during my not so romantic dinner with my ex-boyfriend. Yup. Don't you just love being a grownup?
Have a great night with the kitties, Laurie!

Being cut out of fancy panties and knocked the candle over huh? That ranks right up there with the time my husband (then boyfriend) set my shoes on fire. ;)

Back when I was single and cynical (two great tastes that taste great together) I always did my taxes on Valentine's Day. I figured, hey, why not, at least something positive will happen that way.

Meanwhile, your lingerie worst-case scenario made laugh out loud. Too freakin' funny. Have a fantastic day.

and always remember that candles are a fire hazhard NOT a romantic accompaniement. I have a story about a friend of mine who had a pillow catch fire under his boyfriend (who was tied to the bed at the time) at a most inopportune moment.

You think you got it bad? Today is also MY BIRTHDAY, and I will be going home ALONE to my very handsome cat and will put on my new cashmere robe and drink pink champagne while not thinking about what a long, long time it's been since there was any sweet lovin' at Chez Kitty. Oh, and there may be some knitting (in red!) (at least until the pink champagne kicks me in the head). HATE Valentine's Day. But love the wine and the chocolate and the cats! xoxo to you and Bob and Frankie and Soba and Roy! (oh and I am desperately envious of your pink Razr...)

Happy v-day, Purlie! I'll be in class tonight, thinking big thoughts and dreaming of knitting. I've already got my stash of chocolate so I'm all set. :)

There is a song by Greg Brown (not a jazz person - folk, I think) that has the line in it...

"I don't have to make love
'cause love made me.

I'll be happy, happy, happy, happy by myself."

It is now my theme song.

Is it bad that I look at all the cat pictures (and your very, very witty comments) before I actually read your post?

Roy is now my official valentine's day wallpaper. I always thought valentine's day as a single grrl was a good excuse to go buy something fun and battery operated from good vibrations or the local equivalent. But that's just me...

Funnier than hell.

big cheers and happy laughs! i'm grinning for ear to ear, laughing aloud, with no one to share the glee. thanks aunt purl! my mom will probably laugh so hard when she reads this that she will have tears in her eyes :) happy valentine's day to you!

Ok - I may have a great boyfriend and love my job BUT I am stuck out of town in a hick town in a motel with disturbing stains on the carpet AND I got my period. Valentine's day sucks. Actually just today sucks.

Hahahahahaha!!! Thanks for a Val Day laugh!!

Hee hee. Great nonstory! Happy Pink Day!

can't you KNIT yourself some lingere??
I'm just askin is all....

I'm quite sure your folks are thinking' "Laurie's making up some FINE FUNNY entertainment for her readers, isn't she??! We luurrrve that girl!"

Seriously, I'm just sayin'! And also, seriously, you are funnier than Hay-el (cause I'm Southern and Hell just has 2 and sometimes 3 syllables, depending on how much I want to impress people with my Southern-and (dirty-talkin'.) Hope you DID have a good Valentine's, even though I heard you were on a , what was it, some sort of cleansin' thing for your trip!! So that meant--no WINE??? Horrors!

That was a riot!

Hey Laurie! I'm a Laurie too, though not a hilarious writer like you! I'm writing from way t'other side of the continent in Nova Scotia, Canada, where it is cold and snowy. Happy VDay to you and much love for all the joy your writing and photos bring us. And, you don't have to be single, or married to not get some on vday! I am blissifuly in love with a great guy after going through single sad, married miserable, and divorced happy myself. But my guy is recovering from a hip replacement right now! And, he isn't even an old man. my male cat Ranger wants to say he thinks Soba is super sexy, and does she have an email he can write to? I wouldn't encourage this. He is not fixed (medical reasons) and extrememly - amorous, shall we say.

thanks for the laughs Laurie, you make a big difference to our quality of life.

OMG! How optimistic you are! I had quite the opposite view! (See at spaces.msn.com/jalford)I definately almost put myself into a coma from all the chocolate I ate (gift from a girlfriend, not a male, mind you). This was my first V-Day as a single woman, and I had such a hard time looking at the bright side. I'm taking notes for next year!

love the cat porn!!! such pretty kitties...