Shopping-as-therapy....there are precedents. Think about "D-day" like looking in the rearview mirror. The further away it is the better it will look.
Some anniversarys are not woth celebrating.

Laurie will ROCK ON!!
ROCK ON LAURIE! ROCK ON!

You will get thru it Laurie. We won't let you not get
thru it, know what I mean? Let it be over, welcome it.
Then you Go on with your Bad Self.

So why not get yourself a Hot Damn it's OVER present?
Tis a fine idea.

erm, shopping-as-therapy? - do LYS's do interest-free credit in the US by any chance? (sadly, or maybe just as well, they don't seem to here in the UK ...) Maybe you should indulge seriously in some Noro (to judge from a couple of your recent postings) and then try to think Nicole Kidman skipping down the road after her d****** from Tom came through.

I agree with the rear view mirror comment! Leave it behind you and don't look back. Things can only get better.

But if retail therapy IS needed. Perhaps a new camera (or has yours decided to reappear?)

Haji is right.
Some anniversarys are not worth celebrating.

Laurie, please remember you must look absolutely smashing on D-Day. Even the slightest what-was-I-thinking expression on soon-to-be-ex's face is worth probably more than ANY paycheck ;-)

Best wishes from Poland.

i wish i could give you advice on how to handle d-day. i don't have any clue. but i'm thinking of you.

buy yourself something pretty. or a new toy. and open a new charge ;)

Don't know what to tell you since I have not gone through a divorce. If you need to spend money for therapy how about doing something really wonderful for yourself? Like a day at the spa or a sorta local trip (Nappa Valley?. Do something really wonderful for yourself!

Sometimes.. you have to find a remote spot, and just let that scream out or it will choke you. ((hugs))

You are stronger than you think.

You are a beautiful, hilarious, kind, giving soul.

Don't let any person - or any day - try to make you forget that.

Laurie,

If you feel a need to scream, honey, then scream. If you are afraid that you won't be able to stop, then arrange for a good 15 minute scream session and have a friend come over at the end of the 15 minutes to talk you down and take you shoe shopping. You're going to be fine. You are a wonderful, capable woman who doesn't need anyone, least of all a Walkaway Joe, to be complete. I believe in you and I will be praying that Monday goes as smoothly as a well-pulled pint of Guinness.

I hate not being in control. (We all do: where do you think religion comes from?) I hate there being nothing I can say or do to make it all better. The best I can do is ((((((Laurie)))))).

The pricking of conscience is a useful thing if it makes you do right, but pangs of woulda-shoulda-coulda just keep you awake. Can't go back, only forward. Life goes on, dragging you with it. And all that. Hang in there.

Last night I started working on my brother's qiviut neckwarmer for Christmas. I have decided that qiviut is an experience every knitter should have before she dies. It is also, as I'm sure you know, a budget-buster. I'm just saying is all.

You will make it through this with the same strength (and tacky southern grace) that got you to today. You may or may not know this now, but one day you will celebrate Dec 5th as your first day of absolute freedom. Ok, that may actually end up being the day you pay off The Lawyer, but just the same, this ex of yours did you a HUGE favor. I'd send him a thank you card on divorce day if i were you. Loving you bunches from up here in WINE COUNTRY hint, hint, hint!!

I feel like I'm looking at my own pensieve ... been there, felt all that, truly sympathize with you. I think you are smart to "talk" about it, and we will continue to be glad to "hear" what you have to say. What total crap it is that you can sneak away spur-of-the-moment and so easily be married -- just the 2 of you all sunshine and roses. But try to end it? All of the County must be present at the courthouse to scrutinize and levy judgment. Once it's done though, send them all a one-fingered salute and stoll out head high!

I agree with zib. And maryse. Buy yourself an entire bag of big fat skeins of the most gorgeous yarn you have been drooling over. Then take yourself to the nearest day spa for an entire day of facials, massage, skin wraps, whatever. Once you get home gather all the cats and your wool and crawl into bed. If you can't sleep, start knitting the longest widest most extravagant scarf ever. Cuddle the cats. Knit some more. You will get through this. We're all thinking of you.

Maybe when Mr. X sees how you have learned to happily live out loud, he will feel like a loser because, while you are new and improved, he is still the same old fart.

I agree with Michal; looking fabulous is key to surviving stressful situations. Especially situations involving exes.

I got no idea why, but I got a wild hair this week and read through all your archived posts. Believe that qualifies me a Grade A blogstalker, it does.
So if you would, please excuse my Travis-Bickle-like behavior and permit me to point something out. Since the dorkwad walked out, you've had a royally crappy time but you have sailed through it with wit and charm, along with some seriously great friends. You are not the same person who started this blog. You've gained composure & dignity over the last year (no giggling), not to mention a whole host of new seriously great friends.
So, on Monday, I have no doubt you will do your best to look fabulous and kill him with kindness like any good Southern woman would. In the meantime, I wish you kick-ass pinot and hash-brown casserole. Mwah!

"He's the wrong kind of paradise. But it was just another lesson in life."

Hang in there. Know that there are loads of knitters thinking of you and sending good, calming thoughts.

There are good panic resources out there. Let me know if you are looking for some books or tips.

I second Inky's comment that you will come to see divorce day as your ultimate day of freedom -- that's what my dd is. Here in Michigan, you can have your divorce in only a few months which was awfully scarily fast and thankfully scarily fast but either way it was necessary and got the walkaway joe I had married out of my life once and for all. And though it is hard and sad and a death of a dream in many ways, it also brings you what you haven't had which is ... possibility. An unhappy marriage tends to suckthe possibility out of life. So, embrace it and keep living out loud!!! Oh, Nyquil got me through those panicky restless nights -- cherry flavor, yum, I recommend highly!!

When the panic sets in again, come here and read comments. Think of all the people who really, really like you and are willing to check your blog very 5 minutes to see if you have posted anything. People who you have never met, who adore the things about you that you you think are not normal. There's a WHOLE lot of us. And there is only one of him. We are going to win. We got your back! (and your front, your Noro, your cats and your wine)

Look at how many friends you have made all over the world. That tells you that you are worthwhile, a good person and far above Mr. Ex. Think of it not as an end, but the first day of the rest of your life. It does get better, I know.

Laurie, this too will pass. It doesn't seem like it now but you will survive and make it through with flying colors!!!

Go ahead and holler, if someone asks you are just doing Braveheart: 'FREEEE-DOM'.
Happy Freedom Day!

Here's a play-with-your mind thought. Perhaps on the day of, you go get a massage, go out to dinner with friends, let them drive you home, snuggle with the cats, cry a little here and there, and pat your inner self on the head more than once. Save the retail therapy for the NEXT day, so whatever you buy, whether it's giant bags of yarn to be knit into Symbolic Sweaters of Freedom or whatever, every time you look at what you bought, you see something that represents your first day of YOU. (Only if this works for you, of course.)
I don't know what to tell you about the panic, except that it sounds very, very normal. As much as it sucks to live it. Breathing, I hear, is important. Maybe make some post-its?

Oh crap. Big hug, Laurie. :(
xoxoxox!

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. -Joan Baez

Love, Happy thoughts, Kitty Kuddles.

You're a better woman today than you've ever been.

I agree with a few others -- gussy yourself up on Monday and look like a jillion dollars when you go and finalise everything.

Remind yourself that none of this is your doing and while it sucks that you have to pay some bucks to get the jerk out of your life for good, he's actually doing you a favor.

You're smart and beautiful and you need to know that there are so many of us out here is Internetland who admire you. Keep being your best self.

You will be no different on Monday than you are today. No dramatic changes will manifest themselves other than the closing of a door that has barely been ajar for a long while now. And your life begins again. Monday may well be the best day of your life - don't fear it.

Go buy yourself a celebration cake...celebrate you!

Really, what everyone else said. But, at this point, maybe it's just residual panic. As in, it's finally over and I should be panicking so I will. But the reality is that you've come so far and learned so much and have no need for the panic. Or the man, frankly. I do think it's perfectly normal, though. I've got a dear friend at work who's going through a painful divorce and - just like you - she doesn't want him back, she knows it was a fairytale and not real - but that doesn't mean she doesn't grieve and feel horrible sometimes. Just feel it and then move on because the more you try to NOT feel it the harder it's going to be, I think. Okay, enough pop psychology from me. Have hope. Remember the t-shirts on my clothesline last spring? Have hope, Laurie. And go buy yourself something fan-f*&^%ing-fabulous.

I just noticed their is another Debbie here so I changed my name so you could tell us apart. Sometime the only way out of the pain is to go through the pain. I'm sending you a D-Day package to cheer you up. If you need to take the day off of work, scream and cry and spend unholy amounts of money on shoes then go for it. In the words of my favorite playwright Tom Stoppard, "Every exit is an entry somewhere else." A door didn't close, one just opened.

Been there too, and you WILL come to see Dec. 5 as the first day of freedom. All of us out here in blogland got your back, hon, like someone else said. All the suggestions above are good; just be very, very good to yourself on Monday, and let others be good to you. Oh, and got any vacation / sick time left? Take Monday off. You don't want to be at White Guys in Ties, Inc. for this...

From the other side of the divorce, you will be free for the very best revenge.. living well and being deliciously happy - really happy and honest with yourself. You must choose to embrace your new hobbies, new friends, wine, cats every day and not look back. Its almost finished now; you're almost there and done being hurt; you can do it. My thoughts are with you.

BREATHE!

I went through this a year ago and it gets easier. Focus on what you have - awesome friends, great family, fellow knitters,etc. Look great and smile on Monday...it was his choice to leave, not yours. He has to live with his decision...you have already decided how to deal with it and are doing great...with class and dignity. Be cute and charming and when he asks how you are doing (if he has the balls enough to talk to you...) answer FABULOUS...NEVER BEEN BETTER! And if he ever comes crawling back, begging...say NO WAY - YOU BLEW YOUR CHANCE, NOW POOF...BE GONE!

There is always one important thing to remember....This is not about you. Him leaving is not about you. I have been entwined for 25 years. Sometimes hard, most of the time great. But the real hard cold fact is, It just won't work unless you both put everything you have into it. Marriage is hard! He didn't do the work and maybe through stupidity or vanity, he just couldn't give what he needed to give. Monday is a liberation day. Look forward. Go and buy yourself some really fine yarn and a sweater pattern and begin something new.
Good luck!! (is Roy Better?)

Why has no-one mentioned the (to me) obvious - that after d-day there's just whole bunch of mens out there to sample. Wheee!!!
Yep - I know, dating sucks after 30, but the first flush or possible romance tends to do away with panic attacks. Plus, NOW you know what you want and who you are and won't take crap from anyone who doesn't like it.
One breath at a time until then, eh?

Laurie,
You practically have an army rooting for you. Antyime you need a little positive imaging, think of all of us, charging to your rescue a la Braveheart-style, knitting needles in hand. (I'm cracking myself up, just imagining it!) And then go shopping--retail therapy is the world's greatest band-aid (well, that and kitty snuggles).
Love, Light, and Lots of Sparkly Thoughts~

Wll that should read "First flush OF possible romance." Reads right oddly otherwise.

At least you're singing "Walkaway Joe", not "Queen of Denial". Progress is Good.

If you need to scream, go ahead and scream. There's gotta be other places to do it besides work, and screaming now and then can be very good for the soul. And for retail therapy, I like the spa idea and/or the new camera idea.

Hang in there, Laurie. Things'll get better again.

Long-time lurker joining the chorus of "Go Laurie!" I can't even imagine what you're going through, but I've read the stuff you've been through and you'll be OK. Why? Because...

You.
Are.
Ridiculously competent and strong.

PS - It could be worse... I mean you could have robbed a store with you're walkaway joe (cough... LOSER) and got yourself in a very different legal entaglement :-)

Laurie, there will be so many people thinking about you on Monday, me included. Retail therapy is clearly an excellent idea.

I say: Freak them all out by taking your knitting to court. Like-- "this is just a small bump in the road..... So busy knitting, getting on with my life, don't have much time for this."
I think crazy but loving it trumps jerk every time!

I just wanted you to know that I have been praying for you for a couple of days now, and I will coninue to do so. I haven't been through what you are going through, but I have a dear friend who has. She's about a year and a half further along in the process, and so much of what you are writing is what I have heard from her in the past. I can tell you that now she is thrilled with the things that are going on in her life. She's still not happy about the way things happened, but she is very glad to be where she is now. I don't know if that helps, but please know that you are cared for by many more people than you realize. Hang in there.

Buying yarn and fancy yarn organization systems should do the trick. Maybe one of those awesome expedite bookcases from Ikea with pretty boxes and baskets and such. Just the shopping alone should take you into Sunday night - and Monday could be completely consumed with constructing the bookcase(have you ever read those directions?) and finding the right place for it - and Tuesday would be for organization. Before you know it, it's Wednesday.
Or - decent looking black boots, it took me 3 months to find something acceptable.

Laurie...when my panic started manifesting itself at work, my boss let me take some mental health days (not vacation days, bless him!) to figure out what I wanted to do. Well, what I ended up doing was getting a good therapist, and seeing him pretty damn steady for the next six months. (Steady being every other week!) I felt stupid going - sometimes I felt down right ridiculous and whiny - but it really started to help. Sure, I was paying the guy, but he totally was there to listen to ME talk about ME and MY FEELINGS and MY PANIC and...it was okay. He had me do some hokey breathing exercises when I got paniced, made me write a goofy "goodbye" letter to my ex (not to send, but to rip up!), and even put me on some happy pills, but in the end...I think I learned a lot. It was pretty cool. See what the big white guys in ties have in the way of mental health coverage, and USE IT. If anything, it just might get you through the holidays. Sending lots of love and hugs your way...sue

Girlfriend, I am sorry.
and I am here.

Throw some wine at it too! And yarn!

Hey, Laurie...let me know if you'd like me to call you this weekend. I know we "just met", but dude, I totally know what you're going through - having just been through the anniversary of meeting my One True Love (my birthday) and about to go through the 1st anniversary of my One True Love ripping my heart out (New Year's Eve - he had a knack for ruining days). So, I know where you are at, and I could be good to vent at...

You are a great lady, Laurie. I know it sucks, but you are so much better off now. Hold off on the purchasing. No, wait. Go purchase wine. And yarn. And hug your kitties REAL TIGHT until they squeak a little.

Lots of love from me to you.

A

I second Bad Hippie's suggestion. When I went through a very nasty breakup (7 years. Never date a narcissist) I went to a therapist every week (and sometimes more than that) for about 3 months. It was, hands down, the best thing I could have done for myself.
The only way out is through BUT once you get there the other side is so, so good.

Hi Laurie~
Been there, felt that- (isn't it a scarey thing to feel during the night, when you least expect it?) It's your body reacting to a period of being overwhelmed, and it creeps up on you, just when you think you're relaxed (ie sleeping). The surefire potion to rid it, is setting aside a little time each day to let it out- a bubble bath, a great cry, massage, a walk on the beach. When we don't take this time to ourselves, we trudge forward figuring, we're strong and busy as usual, then bam- panic hits us in the middle of the night out of the *&^(* blue. Also spoiling yourself is always a great thing, but free spoiling is even better! Coincidentally, you like knitting and I just so happen to have recently opened a handmade wooden needle shop in New England. After I hit "post" I'm going to go and jot down your address- to send you some needles from our new line, as a toast to you- for making it through a b*tch of a time, with an incredible amount of class. (we have several needle color shades- feel free to tell me your favorite!) ~Michele

I agree with everyone. When you are feeling down, panic, unloved, come to the comments. Look at the number of people that care and love you the way you are. You are a special person (not the special on the short bus) but special in a way that so many people care to think of you and take time to write to you. Most of us will never meet you but we care anyway. We all want the best for you and that is more than jerk off did. Without his stupid behavior we would never have met you. We would all be smaller because of that. It is nice to see people that are good in the world. so with all the rambleing I say thank you for you and thank you to jerk-wad, asshole, stupid moron doofy looking clod for giving you back to a world that can love more than he ever could.

Dear Laurie,

Respect the past, but embrace the future. It's all going to be ok.

Laurie love, it's totally understandable that you feel this way. You're living the manifestation of a gigantic, heeeyooge life change. I have horrible anxiety from my own life changes, as you probably know, and am seeking out medication and therapy. It helps. Insurance can be your friend, and no one has to know.

Much love to you.

I haven't done the divorce thing but I did end an 8 year relationship and have to give a ring back. I kept the ring the marriage) for 4 months and after I gave it back (divorce) it was easier. I felt a weight lift. So even though you are dreading Monday, YOU WILL BE FINE. I even dare to say that you will sleep better and feel no weights when you wake up Tuesday.
xo

Dude, I'm with all the ladies that said to look fabulous and smile-alot. Even when you feel like breaking down, DON'T. On my D-day, I did just that and he looked so shocked. It was priceless! I didn't go out for retail therapy, but taco salad and margaritas with my girls. I figured whatever I bought would just remind me of that day, so I stayed away from the shoe stores. Keep your chin up, girlie.

Okay, since there are country music references included:

Monday you be the windshield...he can be the BUG.

Laurie, look at all the people who are here for you. Like Debbie in Va said, as one door closes another one opens. When you panic, put the door in your mind, open it and see all of our faces - we're here and we're not going anywhere!

As far as retail therapy, have at it, but don't do anything that is going to cause panic down the road. Hug those kitties, knit some rows, call one of your many friends.

You're so strong, much more than you're giving yourself credit for. {{{{{{{Laurie}}}}}}}

Laurie, I hope all goes well on Monday. dress to kill :) I got a tattoo after the big day, not on it, but after it, to have something HE didn't know about. and it was liberating. not for everyone, and it wasn't a big snake on my arm or anything, just small and modest and not where anyone could see it unless I wanted them to see it. just a thought :)

laurie, YOU ARE FINE, I REPEAT, YOU ARE FINE. You will get thru this and better and happier for it. Promise.

Have you ever shopped at It's a Wrap or Studio Wardrobe? Fashion adventure + the joy of thriftiness + chic cute stuff = wallet-safe respite from the panic.

I also find exploring new neighborhoods & outposts good for panic. Gets you out of your house & amongst people (for some reason, this helps me see my problems as human-sized). Often fun, unexpected shopping. Plus that traveling feeling, like you've earned that block or two of the city & nothing can take your discoveries away.

Laurie

Lots of hugs from my direction too - retail therapy is great - but remember to save the receipts! I always return things about a week after a retail therapy binge - after all, how many pairs of black boots does one girl need?? oh, wait a minute...

Also, am agreeing with the rest of the Purl-girls when I say look fabulous on Monday, and bring your knitting!!!!

Oooh, LOVE that song. I bet after Monday comes you'll feel a ton better though. It's just hard getting over that hump, so to speak. Finality can be scary even if you're really ready for it. Drinks on me Monday night!!

Who needs significant exes when Nordstrom Rack is just down the road? Also, did you know they opened an H & M in San Francisco? Maybe you need to make a whole weekend trip out of this retail therapy thing...plus there's some great wine bars there.

Hey, we're all rootin' for ya.

You definitely need to look smashing, my dear! Go out and buy a new outfit if you don't already have one that fits the bill. Put it on, throw your shoulders back, and smile. It's the ultimate revenge!

When I was reading your post I thought of that Christmas special "The Grinch." He tried to stop Christmas from coming...it came even though the expectations were taken away. That show always makes me cry. Anyway, Monday will be here. Embrace the changes within you and the things that have come to you because of the divorce. Those things are in you and they are wonderful!!

Laurie,
If you want a screaming partner, I'll come to the valley and scream with you. I think in each woman lies a dormant Nancy Sinatra. Get your boots walking and kick your way out. You are so strong and capable, really. And your scarf was very pretty last night too!

i could tell you were stuck on something...

sometime we should have coffee (or wine) and i will reveal to you the secrets of living despite the fact that other people continue to do so as well.

i know i jokey jokey alot, but i am a really good listener with ALOT of experience with badness. if you want to talk, or knit, or sit quietly, or yell loudly, let me know. my neighbors won't mind.

Two words: PORTABLE DISHWASHER.

I'm generally a lurker- and I LOVE your blog, but I just wanted to say Hang in there! I have the same problem with panic attacks, and it's annoying and terrifying, but you will get through it. You have an amazing sense of humor and a great heart and also? Cats. And between cats and wine, everything generally ends up ok.

Find some big bins full of roving and dive in. Fondling yarn always helps.
:)

*finally coming out of lurk-dom*
When Monday is over, you can breathe a sigh of relief. No more lawyers! No more court dates. No more being in a state of limbo, half-way between married and divorced. Tuesday you will wake up a beautiful, strong, confident, single woman, ready to start a new phase in life. Congratulations!!!
(My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me!)

So after my divorce, along with the wine and shopping and f***ing every guy I met, I got a little therapy, and a little Paxil. Maybe that helped even more than the f***ing. Have you considered?

You're in my thoughts. I went thru it almost 6 years ago. It sucked, but instead of dwelling on the 9 years I had lost because of him, I try to think of all the great wonderful fabulous years ahead of me, without him and his lies and his arrogant selfish ways. I had a child with him, so he's never really gone, but I do take pleasure in hearing that his new wife doesn't like him much, and that he may not have found true happiness as he would try to have me believe.

Everyone handles stress in their own way. Do whatever makes you happy, or at least less stressed. I find watching any old Meg Ryan movies that makes me cry my eyes out usually puts me in a calmer place.

You seem to be alot like me, only braver cuz you spell it out for all to read. We love you, hope the best for you, and look forward to the therapy you provide for us!

Monday is the first day of the rest of your life! Don't look back or dwell in the past!

Wow Laurie, I love reading your posts. You're such a good writer.

You must have really loved this man huh? Well, while I can't say much for relationships, getting into one or breaking up.... I do have my fair share of panic attacks and nervous breakdowns.

I had to take 2 months off work last year (2004) because I started going into a nervous breakdown and started having a substance abuse problem. (Do you think you have a problem with alcohol?) I'm not suggesting, I'm just wondering. Doesn't matter though.

Anyways, good luck in your divorce on Monday. Chin up, we all get through this some day, some how. Just remember, one day at a time, easy does it and always HALT, when you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired.

The gift you get for yourself needs to be much bigger than shoes. Something that clelbrates how wonderful you are. I think you should get a pony!
Seriously though, you are great. I understand the terror you feel right now (boy do I ever) but you will have such a weight off your shoulders next week.

No matter how much the divorce is wanted/desired/needed, there will still be a part of you that will hurt on "the day." (I was getting out of an abusive relationship. It still hurt like hell.) It signals that a door is closed tight and locked on a part of your life that you can never get back. It sucks. Big time.

That said, this is a time to treat yourself gently. If you're going to spend money on yourself, do it gently or one day soon you'll be beating yourself up about the bills AND the divorce.

A spa day will do wonders for you--inside and out. May I also suggest that you go do some volunteer work. This time of year the need is huge at soup kitchens, toy donation centers and the like. Spend a some time helping others, doing physical labor for them, and it will do great things for those panic attacks. At least it did for me. Give it a try. What can it hurt?

I'll end by seconding what everyone else has said. You, Laurie, are a fantastic person who is going through a rough time right now. You'll come out the other end of this a better person than you already are. And think of the stories you'll be able to tell!

Don't worry, you will do just fine.

From the SnB-er who is always the last to arrive!

I remember the cute Danskos I bought the week my divorce went through. too bad they are no more, that was a while ago. You will rock on and continue kicking ass!!!

Babe, we all love you so much more than some pinhead with an overestimation of his penis size. Make yourself some cute socks (because sock yarn is relatively more cheap) to go with the cute shoes and we're all here for you when you need to vent. *smiles*

Hey, Laurie. I haven't read through all the comments because there are SO MANY of them--! But I'll add my name to the list of people who care about you & want you to feel better.

Advice-wise, my votes are for screaming, yarn, and wine. You might also consider a ritual getting-rid-of-something activity--burn something of his or something that reminds you of him, and as the smoke rises, envision the bad feelings leaving your body...

Hang in there, and know that there are ALL THESE PEOPLE pulling for you!

Hang tough, Laurie. Monday is going to happen whether you want it to or not. But once it does, hallelujah! That chapter will be over! You'll feel better once it's past ... really. It will no longer be looming in front of you, it will be distancing itself behind you.

And I'll tell you what every woman told me when they learned I was getting a divorce (whether they knew me or not which I just found really kinda odd actually! ;))... but anyway, here it is ...are ya ready?..."CONGRATULATIONS!". Yep, odd I know, but there ya go.

Women rock and Girl Power is awesome and your girlfriends can really help you right now. So surround yourself this weekend with them, your cats, your yarn and your wine and you'll get through it. Because... this too will pass.

Okay, I'll lay off the caffeine now.... (sorry about the yabbering comment...)

Hey, another long-time lurker. It WILL get better. It's just a matter of powering through the next few days! Fortunately, each day only comes one at a time. You can do it -- you can handle that -- and that's all that's required. There are many people who see your sparkle and beauty. You have so many friends out here and we care about you. On Monday, BE PROUD. You have made it through a hard time and you are about to make it through a hard day; you will keep on living and being loved by all the people you have reached out to.

Just as an FYI, You weren't shrill last night. Maybe a bit distracted, but you were still your fabulous, beautiful, witty self.

I don't know what to say to make it all ok; I don't think there is anything to say other than this to will pass. It sucks donkeys, but it will pass. Whatever it takes to get you through this rough time (retail, screaming, fantasies involving the guy from the Brazilian food place) is completely valid.

And on the retail front, let me suggest a small alpaca. One small enough for your backyard. It can give you love and yarn!

Here's a little tip from a Texan. Download Amy Daly's (sp?) Men Don't Change from iTunes or any other music service. For that matter, any man-hating song that you can sing on the way to work seems to help!! Laugh with your friends. Odds are that at least one of them has been there too.

You prattled on aimlessly?! I didn't notice. I thought you were very friendly, gracious and engaging. You were everything you said you'd be and more. Dickface is the one who lost out.

Sorry you're plagued with the insomnia. I know how it is. But fortunately for me, I was so happy last nite after the SnB, that drifted off to sleep on a golden cloud. Thank you so much for being you.

Dear Crazy Aunt Purl,

First of all I have to admit i've been blog stocking you for a couple of weeks now. I have no idea really how i ever found your site but I'm so glad i did. Today i just couldn't resist adding a comment to thank you for sharing your thoughts, stories and experiences. However difficult the times are you are experiencing i can't help but admire you for your strength and ability to find humour in life. I just wanted to say PLEASE write a book i think you have a natural talent and abilty to help others.

Hey -- here's the deal: Someone asked me if I was going through an 'adjustment period' after my divorce (about 4 million years ago). I said, 'Ya know, I've found it's not so hard to adjust to being happy.'

Let yourself adjust to being happy--everybody wishes they were you!

All of this, your feelings, it's normal. Just know that.

I am so sorry. About the divorce. About the panic. About the camera being missing.

Sorry.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

Look forward to the relief. Yes, it will still hurt, but underneath it all there will be an inkling of relief - let it come up!

Oh, Laurie. :( Ow.

You need a good hug - a real hug from Jen or someone who's in realspace with you. And alas, since most of us do not share your realspace, we can but offer you virtual comfort - albeit a lot of it!

I've only been reading your blog for about a month, but I spent several enjoyable weeks reading the CAP archives, so I feel as if I've been along the whole time. What I've learned about you through your blog and the comments on your blog and all the CAP buttons I see on all the other blogs is that you are an amazing person, who has an immense presence in the blogspace. You've touched so many of us, made us laugh and cry and care.

You are so much more than someone who's about to be divorced (aka as being freed from deadweight)! And from what I've been reading, you have the strength and resilience and the support network to make it through this and any other rough spots along the way. I believe.

Well, after I went through my Bad Ugly Breakup, I went out and bought - not shoes - but tribal rugs from the Middle East and Central Asia. Five to be exact - Baluchi, Kurdish and Uzbecki carpets! Yikes! I'm not sure you wnat to do the same, but what the heck. I kinda like the idea of an Alpaca, though. But seriously, hang in there kiddo. All the other postings are right. You will get through the day. It might suck, but then it will be over. Kinda like getting a Root Canal. I agree with the looking fabu idea. And make sure to wear your favorite perfume. Maybe you and Jen should get a bottle of Veuve Cliquot afterwards....

Laurie,
Go immediately to a jewelry store and buy yourself a pretty, sparkly, incredible diamond ring to wear in place of your old rings. It will lift your spirits amazingly to know that you don't need him anymore and that you are making a new commitment--to yourself. It doesn't even have to be a huge honker...just a small reminder that YOU are what matters now.

BTW: My ex left me for "greener pastures" as well, about 5 years ago. Then about 18 months later..."greener pastures" slept with his best friend and got knocked up!

Karma, baby, karma. You've got to love the concept. And, believe me, there were days (weeks, months, a year...) that I didn't think it would happen. But, what goes around really does come around! Sometimes it just takes its own damn sweet time!

I am now happily married (I don't even call it re-married in my own delusional mind!) to a great guy that I swore I would never marry, but secretly hoped I would! Don't give up on love...real love is out there. It will come, but you have to be ready for it. And you will be, some day soon.

Laurie, In time you will find your life immeasureably enriched in ways it never could have been if you were still married to that SOB.

It's been 11 years since the day I went to court for my dissolution. On the way downtown, I dropped my sons off at daycare as usual. I didn't want them to know there was anything special about that day. On my way back to work I was shaking so badly I could hardly drive. Three years ago I married the greatest guy (for me). Because of all of the heartache I had with my ex, I appreciate everything about my husband, and I revel in every moment of joy. These are the best years of my life. I would never have known this happiness if I'd stayed married to my ex.

Hang in there. It gets better and better, and then it gets great.

Do it! Scream. Shout. Throw things. You never know it might help you release. Maybe there's some things of the "evil one's" that need to be disposed of? You can smash them to pieces like at one of those Japanese places where you pay money to trash a hotel room.

I totally agree with Michal about d-day, look hot, damn hot and strut your stuff baby!

We're all here for you...hell, I think the whole world reads this!

I've never been married (hence, no divorce), but about four years ago, I hit a "perfect storm" of turmoil (dumped by boyfriend, job loss, etc.). Months of insomnia, weird health problems, panic attacks, and the weepies followed. I couldn't stop processing, and reprocessing....Completely wore myself out.

Am completely convinced that the insomnia wasn't just a symptom--it was the problem. Once I figured out how to sleep normally again, everything else got better. No more weepies! No more lump in the throat!

What helped? Therapy, a brief course of happy pills, the support of friends, family, pets--and the eventual conclusion that it'll be OK, whatever happens. And it has so far.

What's the Joseph Campbell quote? Something like "When you the life you had planned, you can start living the life that is ahead of you."

You'll get through. But please get some sleep.

Do take your knitting with you!!(knitting becomes what you are most focused on at the moment,cause you're waiting for whatever...) And Of course you will be dressed to kill......killing time until my divorce thing/oil change/car wash( are we done yet?) is finished...cause I'm in a hurry to get out of here. I have a very important date with all of my friends at the best restaurant where we will dine and dish and drink massive quantities of delish wine!!Yes, we're celebrating my new life full of enless possibilities...toodles!!!!

Laurie,

We are here for you, I know how hard it is. Been through it too. Just the mention of your up coming day brought horrible memories for me too, I just wanted it over with...

Your life will go on, I promise you that. I'm now married to a wonderful Aussie, in time you too will find your true solemate.

Hang in there! I'm sending you a little pick me up in the mail, keep your eye open for it :)

I'll be thinking of you on Monday.

HUGSSSS

Do take your knitting with you!!(knitting becomes what you are most focused on at the moment,cause you're waiting for whatever...) And Of course you will be dressed to kill......killing time until my divorce thing/oil change/car wash( are we done yet?) is finished...cause I'm in a hurry to get out of here. I have a very important date with all of my friends at the best restaurant where we will dine and dish and drink massive quantities of delish wine!!Yes, we're celebrating my new life full of endless possibilities...toodles!!!!

sending happy thoughts your way and best wishes.

As Haji said,
Rock on!

sorry bout the double post...guess ITS JUST THAT IMPORTANT to read TWICE!!!!sending you SERENITY and a industrial BITCH SWITCH!!!!!

Divorce sucks aye? I just started reading your blog and your writing is excellent. When my ex decided to throw in the towel all I got was a simple: "I don't like this arrangement anymore." Funny, how I saw it as a marriage and he saw it as an arrangement. You say potato...I say pooooo-tah-toe. You have your kitties though, that's what counts. Beer helps too. Especially ON divorce day. I hated divorce day. He actually shook my hand and said "good luck." How's that for a swift kick in the nuts? That was almost 3 years ago though, and I'm so much better now than I was when married to him. No more lies here either, no more pretending to have the cookie-cutter-perfect marriage and family life. Now I proudly admit to being a crazy person, obsessive knitter, fabulous mother, artist, and just because I talk to myself doesn't mean that I'm wierd.

You obviously have a ton of virtual support, based on the number of comments with this post...so add me to the list. I'm cheering for you too!

Hey, you're just making room for better days...imagine how it would be if he had never removed his unworthy self from your life - the falseness just has a way of leaking through and who needs that?? This is your liberation day approaching and you can finally make a clean break. Grieve if you must, and of course you gotta scream. You've earned it. You are a strong, funny, sharp and sassy woman, so keep going.

You need this:

http://www.mcphee.com/items/11554.html

Darling Purl, don't be alone this weekend. Those panic attacks can just snowball. Just saying, you know. Nuturing spa weekend with some shopping is probably better than booze and freakouts.

I love the diamond suggestion, although that may be a bit much. Still, something sparkly but not cheap (Swaroski crystal?) to wear on the day, and then to admire afterwards whenever you're low, is a great idea. A right-hand ring, a hit-the-road-jack broach, a pair of independence day earrings? Wish I'd thought of it after a couple of past boyfriends.

Check in with us this weekend if you get low.

Monday will be a gift for you! Of course it doesn't feel that way now, but one day you'll look back and realize what a positive thing it turned out to be!

Until then - be sure to do something extra special for yourself! Keep your head up, Smile, spend a little money on yourself, snuggle with the cats and toast yourself to a new & exciting life!

Here's the thing: when I found your blog, it was a huge gift to me. There was someone out there who was experiencing the same thing, maybe going through it differently, but who knew what it was like -- the marriage, the striving for an unreachable ideal, the unhappy husband, the disillusionment, and then real life on your own to figure it all out somehow. When I started reading your words I felt so comforted and validated and it has made all the difference in the world to me (how I wish I had discovered you on my divorce court day in June, a difficult day in every way). When I read through the comments I see that there are many smart, articulate, funny, knit-crazed women like us who have gone through this and survived and reading their comments I'm comforted again. You can go out and party, buy yourself something extravagant, or even if you decide to reign in the wallet and spend a quiet evening solita at home, you can get the greatest satisfaction in seeing how you've touched so many people and made the world a kinder place -- especially to those of us who've been dealt some major unkindness by former loved ones. Oh, yeah, and karma does roll around eventually which is a thought that always brings a smile to my face. Stay strong, Laurie!

Maybe this sounds screwy and maybe someone else has already said this cause I didn't have time to read all of the other comments but, really, I think it makes you more sane that you are having a hard time with this. I would be worried about you if you weren't at least a little sad and panicked. I have to believe that feeling like this is healthy. It is the people who are calm and emotionless that I worry about.

Scream and cry all you want.

Then go buy something just for you and drink some wine and have your friends over and put up your Christmas tree and relish all the things you have in your life that you wouldn't have if he had stayed. And be glad you don't have to spend even one more Christmas with someone who is so lame that he can't even keep up with his creativity.

Shopping? Hell. I think you should have a divorce shower. Just go to your favorite site, and register.

You know I am always with you wherever you are and whatever you are doing. You are loved by many but I will forever love you the most. You are so special, talented and loving you make my heart proud. You know who I am.......Spyder.

listen to robinv, she says it well.
and don't buy anything you don't need that's just going to stress you out even more when the bill comes.
Do things that are truly good for you instead, get a massage, sign up for a class you've always wanted to take, go sit in a hot spring and listen to the wind in the trees, whatever is going to make you feel good in yourself.
And while I have nothing against looking fabulous on Monday, don't do it for him. Any energy you expend towards revenge or out of vengefullness is still energy you are putting towards him and he doesn't deserve it.

And if hugs from a stranger don't wierd you out too much here is one from me. ((()))
hang in there.

OMG, Stacey has the PERFECT idea. A divorce shower is definitely the way to go. Love it, love it!

YESOHYES!!! Susan is SO right!!Do check out the Archie McPhee website!! You NEED the Avenging Unicorn!!!

Coming out of the woodwork to root for you, and will be thinking of you on Monday. You have friends, cats, wine, wit, freedom, knitting - you're going to bear up just fine. A breakup of any kind throws a person off, but you sure seem to be moving forward and filling your life with things you enjoy and people who make you happy.

Keep your chin up - you've got a lot of support out here.

(((((Laurie)))))

My divorce took two full years, but I didn't have to appear in court (thankfully). My mom (also divorced) kept warning me to have someone with me when the day came, not to be alone, because no matter that I knew it was for the best (it was an abusive marriage), it would still hit me hard. As it turned out, I got the notice in the mail at the end of a date with the guy who has turned out to be the real love of my life, so that my response to my divorce was to happily throw my arms around his neck, laughing and celebrating. Course, I also had a year of therapy under my belt before I even met my sweetheart.

I've done all the stereotypical freedom celebrations: small tattoo, drastic haircut, right hand ring, destruction of the item that was his wedding gift to me... just do what feels right to you.

Don't think you "should" feel anything, whatever you feel is right for you. Remember how many people are thinking of you and supporting you, add me as one of them.

Just wanted to come out of blog hiding to add my support and let you know "you are special". I've been knitting and drinking wine 'cause I want to be like you. You are my inspiration.
Hugs, Hugs, Hugs.

Laurie, even when you are sad and panicked, you write a poignant posting. It's amazing how many of us enjoy your writing and look forward to your updates. Be good to you.

PS> Do you have an iPod yet?

need some kitty porn
and how is roy?

Hi CAP,

Divorce? Been there done that. My situation was different cause I left the ^&&%*(&^%*^(((! It was still difficult though being on my own with two kids. I did it though. Found the most wonderful man ever the second time around. I will keep you in my thoughts. You will get through this. In the words of Tony Little "YOU CAN DO IT!"

I hope some nice yarn ends up in your stash from your retail therapy....

(Nothing else to say as a 24 year old single gal whose last serious relationship ended when I was a junior in highschool... so no advice here, but good thoughts coming your way... PS I just started knitting your "magic scarf" its so cool my father is going to love it)

**BABY.** THIS is what you need: http://www.theanticraft.com/badjuju.htm OH MY GAWD. You could knit it over the weekend, bring it with you on Monday. Of course, it would be hard to stick it to something YOU have created, but it's okay to feel a little wicked at times like these. And definitely let us know if you need extra company over the weekend. I would make the long trek OVER THE HILL for you. (Just don't get mad when I'm 1/2 hour late b/c I got lost!)

I absolutely agree with the other folks who suggest you let out as many loud, pain- and rage-filled screams as you need to. Don't bottle it up, it'll only eat you from the inside.

For Girl Power music, I just love "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks. No, it's not realistic to kill the ex that haunts your life, but it's sure great to live vicariously through someone else's music for a little while.

I suggest, if you're in to this kind of thing, smudging your house on Monday after everything is finalized. Think of it as final cleansing of the grief and pain Mr. Ex has caused you over the last months. Blow him and his negativity out of your life just like you're blowing out a candle.

You can make it. Be strong; we all know it's in you.

Posting what seems like comment # one thousand seven hundred and twenty nine, so not sure if you'll even read this, but wanted to share that it doesn't appear that anyone has yet pointed out another obvious bonus of this process. You will again be **SINGLE**, with all the freedom and possibility that can bring. It's a good thing, really and truly.

One lady I know has a party every year on her D-Day. Chocolate cake and everything. Brings it to work - invites everyone. Just a thought....

I do agree with the suggestions for making yarn purchases your retail therapy. But I also agree that you should wait 'til after Monday for that, to kick off your new life. In the meantime, grab all your local friends, as many as possible, and go out and do something fun, or just stay in and watch movies and cuddle cats.

Hear that, Laurie's local friends??? Go grab her and take her out this weekend! Do not let her be alone! She needs you!

Laurie! Look how many people love you! It's insane! I got all teary reading all this lovely support.

ATTENTION LAURIE'S IRL FRIENDS: Take this girl out. Take her on long refreshing walks. Get her drunk. Shower her with love and attention!

Dear Laurie,

Two words, girlfriend....

Divorce party.

And make it a good one. What better thing to throw money at but good wine, cheap men and decadent cake. Or good men, cheap wine and decadent cake. Your choice of course.

Hang in there. You are so much more together than I could dream of being in your situation.
We're here for ya....

Take a deep breath and go ahead let out a scream (if not a work, then when you get home). Why not? Then, start planning a weekend party with friends to celebrate your future without the horrible ex.

*hugs*

Laurie,

I've been there too. It does get easier. Do what makes you feel good, whether it's scream, cry, shop, whatever. Just remember to breathe. And remember that you're perfect just the way you are. Your kitties already know this!

Laurie-

Hey I just want ya' to know that I come from an Irish family where screaming and throwing things IS considered therapy. So is whisky, or wine, or mouthwash, really, whatever's handy.

Eat some cake, or just a can of chocolate frosting, thrown some stuff (like a bottle of valtrex at Mr. X's head?), it's all good if it makes ya' feel better.

Hang in there girl!

Laurie,

I've been there too. It does get easier. Do what makes you feel good, whether it's scream, cry, shop, whatever. Just remember to breathe. And remember that you're perfect just the way you are. Your kitties already know this!

Hi Laurie,
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
I have been fending off my inevitable divorce for almost 2 years now and getting tired of the fight. But reading your blog over the last few months does help me hang in there, your wit makes me smile and the day not seem so bleak.

Do you realize how truly important you are to some of us out here? Your posts truly make peoples days... get them off their own problems and involved in yours... give a fresh outlook...and always a few laughs (ok cept for today cause man this makes me SAD to know you are feeling so crappy!)

Ok.. to the reason for my posting (instead of blogstalking/lurking like I normally do) Google Adsense - You need to add this to your blog.. you are SO popular and I know your followers would click your ads.. you can earn $$ for this for just placing some snippets of code in your template here. And it sounds like you maybe might be needing some extra dollars for wine and yarn in the coming weeks!

Thank you for blogging, please never stop!

Laurie, there are some people I would worry would be able to get through this elegantly. However, you are not one of them. We never like change but it is inevitable and you are so coming out the winner in all this. He may have his creativity, but you have grace, charm, friends, yarn and four very personable cats. In a few weeks, you enter a new year with a clean slate and a brand new adventure before you.

You walk out of that courtroom with your head held high and a smug smile on your face. That would be some good revenge.

(just thank you so much, I am reading all of this, but at work and there is sometimes a tendency to get perhaps very CRYING CRAZY with so many nice things said) (thank you all)

Wow. I love the Internet today. Laurie, I've got tears in my eyes and gooseflesh for you - all the support you are getting today ROCKS.

As

Do

You.

Love your blog - hope to meet you someday even though I can't knit worth sh*t - but I do also have 4 furry felines. ;-)

Lorrian

Sending you good energy and toasting you with a glass of cab from PA...

Ha! Let's see him collect 135 well wishes for the upcoming Monday.

In your wise words: Just sayin is all. ;)

Hang in there. You'll do fine.

it will pass. it will be over on Monday. over- no mas. think about it this way.

as for panic attacks, had only one - on subway on my way to work and then at work. thank god it was only once. and for no apparent reason. it was scary. just remember, that you are entering new, BETTER chapter.

hugs
my dog is saying 'woof woof don't worry laurie'
a

The upside of marrying someone(s) who is totally non marriage material is that I did my freaking out after the wedding and was so relieved after the divorce.

But change itself sucks. And you're a Cancer! Change is horrid! Except this one will be for the best.

Buy yarn, drink wine, eat cake.

Here's a silly cat story link to make you laugh. http://www.tomatonation.com/catwalks.shtml

This is too late to be relevent, perhaps, but I agree with the ladies who alluded to Nicole Kidman. Divorcing that freaky little Tom Cruise was the best thing that ever happened to her. She's more beautiful than she has ever been and her career has never been better. There is life after divorce -- so begin living deliberately and start sucking the marrow out of life (sorry, I'm teaching Walden to my juniors right now, so I'm inspired!)

MJ is SO right!

Monday will suck, but know in your heart like we all do, that he is a complete idiot for walking away from you.

You ROCK!

Dearest Lorrie,

For a change, I didnt' read all 100+ commments ahead of me. I just wanted to (and still want to) hold out my arms to envelope you in a hug. You will be ok - I promise. You're out of a bad relationship. Maybe it didn't seem bad at the time, but it was a bad relationship. You're so much better off. Look at how you've grown, look at how many friends you've made.

I'm old enough (probably) to be your mom - I'm 57 (but if you tell anybody I'll sick Soba on you - and my own Perry the Bi-Polar too!) Oh sweet child, you were lucky enough to get out early! You would have tried to hold it all together and been so unhappy, but now? Now you should thank that stupid sunovabich for leaving, because you are free to be YOU! And to find a new man if you wish or a new cat or to purchase enough yarn to fill entirely the 2nd bedroom!And nobody will say "when are you going to USE this stuff?"

Stay strong, sweet girl. You are loved by many of us for your humor, strength and courage! You will be free on Monday! You will be Sojourner Truth and Rosa Parks and Marie Curie - with a bit of Mae West for spice - and all women everywhere who have gone through the fire! You, Lorrie, are an inspiration to many younger women and a "oh! I wish I had that opportunity!" to many of us older women.

Please hug the cats and buy yourself a really fine yarn this weekend. Call your parents and see your friends. Hug the cats (especially Roy). Have a bottle of (moderately) expensive cabernet. Know we all care.

Love,
-Leslie

chin up chick-a-dee. do the deed, then do what you WANT! you'll be FREE!
you have a lot of support here. you're a very lucky girl.

Divorce Sucks! No other way to say it, but wouldn't it be worse to still be with the creep?!? I've been divorced 2 years now and while its still sad, things are sooooo much better without him. I'll be thinking of you as you try to move past this day.

I feel your pain. Here's a friendly bit of advice ... when it's all said and done, get a copy of the damned decree. If you don't you'll have to do what I did today. I had the rare opportunity of going to the Clerk of Records and photocopy my 5-year-old decree because my new house loan manager said it had to be in the file. Talk about dredging up weird memories... Chin up, lady, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Definitely don't look back. Start the new year fresh. And if you get a new Macy's card tomorrow, you get 40% off everything (just came back from there). That should help you spend your money.

Comment 144 here. WoW! You have supporters all over the world. Imagine the thousands who read your blog & never post a comment.

You Go Girl! Glad you decided to Live Out Loud & let us listen in.

I sent you an email with some annoying advice in it, but I wanted to let you know in your comments (in case you don't get the email) that the whole entire internets is behind you. smooches and drunken love from Texas.

Shopping as therapy only leads to more therapy...or maybe credit counseling. YOU CAN DO IT. I had that same knot in my stomach that morning at the courthouse. He was a walkaway joe, too. But when I saw him crying on the way in to the courtroom, I no longer felt that knot. I just felt sorry for him.

I don't have anything new to say, but I wanted to add my voice to the chorus. You rock. Take care of you. And, when I was suffering panic attacks, it helped me to have a ritual for dealing with them. For me, it was a wet washcloth on my forehead and playing R.E.M.'s Life's Rich Pageant. Simple, but effective. I'm just sayin'

I think that to save Laurie from plunging into fiscal despair, we should all mail her some of our stash so she doesn't have to shop.

Let the scream come out--shout, shout for joy. It will be over soon and you can finally close that door behind you and leave the worst behind you. My kindergarden teacher told me once, "Never look back sweetie, it does no good, just keep looking forward and imagine all the great things that are ahead". At the time, I didn't know what she was talking about, I kept turning my head to see what was behind me and I thought she was nuts for giving me that advice, now, 20 something years later, I know what she meant.
The panic is normal, but you will feel so relieved if you just let yourself go--scream if you have to :).
((((((hugggs)))))))

Let the scream come out--shout, shout for joy. It will be over soon and you can finally close that door behind you and leave the worst behind you. My kindergarden teacher told me once, "Never look back sweetie, it does no good, just keep looking forward and imagine all the great things that are ahead". At the time, I didn't know what she was talking about, I kept turning my head to see what was behind me and I thought she was nuts for giving me that advice, now, 20 something years later, I know what she meant.
The panic is normal, but you will feel so relieved if you just let yourself go--scream if you have to :).
((((((hugggs)))))))

Just because the marriage was a failure doesn't mean YOU'RE a failure. Don't equate the two.

I already sent Laurie a spare $50 I had lying around. After kitty/car care I bet she can use it.

Not that logic helps much here (and I don't know much about d-days), but I guess the day he left you was far worse than Monday will be. Monday just means you're closing a chapter. Remember: you don't want him back anyway. Somebody said before, it will be liberation day, and I agree.

And I also agree with Haji: The relationship between you and him failed, but you are not the relationship! You are not a failure. No way.

You will be in my thoughts on Monday! xox

Oh, and if you think the shoe-shopping-therapy won't help, maybe a real therapy might. Talking things over in a value-free space with a neutral observer can be relieving.

My motto has always been:

"When in danger or in doubt,
Run in circles, scream and shout!"

Okay, possibly not the most constructive advice, but let me tell ya, it sure feels good to let it ALL out. Scream, cry, throw things, run around and scare the cats. Then sit down, have a nice glass of wine, admire your new shoes/coat/yacht and put it all behind you. I'll be thinking of you on Monday, and I KNOW you'll get through it. (((Laurie)))

I have no real advice, but I wanted to tell you that you are awesome. Seriously, you're my blog hero. I'm so sorry about what you're going through and I can completely understand why you're panicking and ready to scream. Hang in there.

Shopping should help. Do you like cheap shoes? Because last weekend I spent about 25 bucks at Payless and got 3 pairs of shoes. I know it's not classy or fancy, but it scratches the compulsive shoe purchase itch without the guilt of spending too much. Also, a random question: Whatever happened to the tiny circular needles?

I have nothing to say except LOKK AT HOW MANY PEOPLE ON THE INTERNETS LOVE YOU!!! Including me :)

huglets!!!

i was just thinking about you last night when I poured myself a glass of my favorite (value-priced) wine and picked up the knitting once I got home from work.

you mean so much to so many of us, the vast majority of whom have never met you in person. just for being you!!!!! how cool is that??

i love all the ideas people suggested above, the wisdom, the silliness and, most of all, the outpouring of love.

WOW.

You can do it! There is no doubt in my mind.

He's an assclown, and you're a shining STAR.

It will feel so much better when it's over.

Trust me. You know, trust some anonymous person who's like, not even in another country, but on the *Internet*. No really. I've been there. It's a bitch. And then ... someday? Like in a few months, maybe even?

You wake up and it's a teensy bit more okay. And the next morning, more so. And before you know it you're sleeping all night and waking up even mo' better.

Big hug from across the pond.

Laurie, I don't have anything specific to add except that I've read your blog every day since discovering it around the time I separated from my husband. Even though I've never met you in person I feel like we share some common ground.

I'm sorry for your pain but you will get through this. There are so many people that want to keep cheering you on as you get through this difficult time. They love you and some live vicariously (eh hem!) through you.

It's true, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, though some of us may teeter on that dangerous edge at times. (Not you though, you are much too strong for that).

Oh I've rambled on long enough. He is the one reaching for you in the middle of the next wishing to the heavens he hadn't screwed up so bad it's too late to beg for you back.

Revel in that.

As if there weren't enough comments, including one I already added yesterday, I had to post again because I forgot to share with you something I felt you should hear:

HE is the boil on the backside of your life. Monday is boil-lancing day. One tiny bit of pain and then, oh, the relief! Life is good!

love you, laurie!!

Girl, let that scream out. I am a big believer in scream therapy--it got me through two natural deliveries, didn't it? Got me extra nurses but happy, healthy babies, so it was a good thing.

When my pain is bad, I do low moans, and I swear it helps.

That scream is there for a reason. Let it out. On your block, who'll notice or care? ;-)

As for Monday, take the day off and head to a beach with a good friend and do whatever you need to do in order to feel better. As Sam Shem writes in "Mount Misery," a fictional account of his psych residency, anniversaries are hell, one of the worst things that happen to us. He's right, but he's also right that we need to face them, not hide from them or shove them down.

I'm commenter No. 164. And yet it is possible for you to feel so alone? Tuesday will be better. It seems that you have been dreading Black Monday for almost a year now, and I do believe that you will be pleasantly surprised at how relieved you will be after it's over. Sweet fresh air, able to breathe again, not dreading the future, relief.

And my haven't I been where you are. Both marriage #1 and #2 went there. #2 was far worse than the first for he was hateful and nasty despite his addiction and refusal to deal with it being the problem. It does seem unreal, bizzare and as if you are on another planet. Time will help you to recover but it will take time. Be patient with yourself.

I came by your site thru my sis(big fan). It's normal to mourn the death of your marraige(even though Mr.X sounds like a jackass who needs a swift kick). I went thru divorce and it hurt like a mfer. I'm so sorry for your pain, and I hope each day gets easier for you.

Just a lurker here, but I love you from afar! My divorce was 21 years ago and I still think about it on the Day (which fell on Pearl Harbor Day. And we married the day Mt. St. Helens blew. Coincidence? I think not.) But besides therapy, and friends, and the odd man here and there, this helped the most: http://www.lyricsbox.com/cyrkle-lyrics-red-rubber-ball-846qcx3.html
Really. Give it a listen. I think you're gonna be all right.

Hugs and lots of supporting thoughts are being sent your way from Finland.

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind us all about the purls of wisdom by Elizabeth Zimmermann:

"Knit on, with confidence and hope, through all crises"

As my counselor said, "He had great parts, but not the whole package." When you feel nostalgic, think of those missing, disagreable parts. It can be really calming. I found the more I focused on what I missed, the harder it was to get through it. It does get better. Check out this site:
http://www.abandonmentrecovery.com/index.html
It has some great ideas.

take care!

hang in there,you will come out of this...Divorce is hideous, but you will handle it, one tiny min at a time...
hugs,

Believe me, it gets better. Was there over 13 years ago. Would wake up wondering what *I* did wrong. Finally woke up and knew that I DESERVE BETTER, DAMMIT!...and so do you! :-)

Girl...you are too goodlooking (I peaked at your old "crazy tourist" blog) and too cool for him anyway. Plus, you are going to be famous soon!! You need to write a book. You know at least all of us crazy knitting bloggers out here will buy it! Get writing!