You could never put us to sleep! Don't you realize we hang on your every word?

I love you, you are too cute. Also, I am first!

dammit, I'm second.

Wow! So I'm not the only person who avoids laundry by going to Wally world for a new pack of Hanes her Way...on the other hand, I love to cook and will invite people over and make them clean the house while I cook a semi-gourmet meal. Most of my friends and some of my family actually enjoy this job-sharing. That and a broken leg is how I got my sister to completely rearrange my pantry!

Thank you for the gratuitous cat photo - I can't get through a day without several of them and your bunch are all gorgeous.

PS Pleez give ROy the speshul needs kitty some bakon he deeserfs it. [Finnegan, get away from that keyboard!]

I only buy clothes that do NOT need to be ironed. Easier that way.

Don't you have a laundromat close by that has a drop-off service? It ROCKS....so worth the extra $$ to not have to do it yourself.

I tell people (when they are nosy enough to ask what religious faith I practice ) that on every Sunday morning I attend the Church of Checking My Eyelids For Holes located conveniently in my bedroom. Hee-Hee! So glad your gorgeous feline is obviously a member!You are a scream and I await your new entries like a child at Christmas!
You make my day!!!!!

HONEY.
Rather than putting me to sleep, I think this post is going to keep me up all night.

Keep 'em coming!

OH MY GOSH LAURIE I DO THAT TOO!!
And when I quit my job I had a bucket with 52 pairs of pantihose in it, because rather than wash them out I just threw them in a bucket.
:I wonder where my father was 9 months before you were born:

The Law of Metamorphic Laundry does NOT apply to panties!! Go shopping for goodness sake!

Dryer = iron. Never iron with the iron!

Hilarious! I'm so glad I discovered your blog!

I like your logic.

Carry on.

when i was in college, one year i lived on the fourth floor of a dorm with very high ceilings and no elevator. the laundry room was in the basement. to avoid going down to the basement to wash my underwear, i would walk to town which was about a mile, and buy new underwear.

the thing is, campus was up on a hill (called college hill -- duh) and if you walked to town, you took stairs down (and of course back up) the hill.

i know it makes no sense.

i graduated from college 20 years ago. i still have perfectly wearable college underwear.

I have a pile of dry cleaning that's been waiting for about 2 years now...maybe 3.

I could not even finish reading because I do the same thing. Especially when I am going on vacation. I must own 100 pair of panties.

Maybe for the cooking thing you could set a timer (alarm clock..whatever!) to go off a little while after you start cooking something. When it went off it would still probably scare the hell out of you and leave you wondering what's going on, but you'd most likely remember why you set it before the smoke detectors go off.

Not that I would know anything about using those sorts of tricks to get through life by first-hand experience or anything. Ahem.

Gosh Laurie, You must have the same laundry pile that I have, but that would be weird b/c you're in LA and I am in SC, but the same issue overwhelms me this weekend... so I am running away and going out of town with my last 3 clean pair of undies and we'll just have to see what happens on Sunday when I return. I could be inspired to wash, or I could need to call in "sick" on Monday :)

Ok so I solved the doing laundry issue in college, or atleast the panty laundry. Now if you were a true panty afficianado (er sp?) you'd do your intimates by hand, correct? And I have read that a good way to wash things by hand is to use your favorite scented body wash, as it's gentle and smells good. Now keeping all this in mind, I'd stuff my bathrobe pockets with panties, and wash them in the shower between conditioning my hair and the final rinse. Viola, clean panties.

umm... is there gonna be a test on the science stuff? coz, you know, I got a note from my Mom that says I got, like, finger problems so I can't hold a pen long enough to take a test.

Maybe the boots and all the sock mates are under the passenger seat in the jeep...:-)

Good to see the Roy is checking his eyelids for holes! It's important for him to stay busy.

I always say that I will never buy shirts that need ironing...and then the inevitable happens. A perfect shirt is on clearence with a perfect price and my logic of just throwing it in the dryer to get the wrinkles out never works. Why - because I'm to lazy most mornings to actually remember to take the shirt to the dryer and I end up picking out another shirt that never needs ironing.

In the end I have a ton of shirts hanging in my closet full of wrinkles.....and yet I never have anything to wear.

Laurie, you should have traded in the exhusband for a wife. Or I could come visit, do laundry and cook for you. I'm not a wife, but I am a mom. You just let me do everything for you like my kids do and I hand ont money too!

I solve the cooking problem by living on salad, wine, and microwave popcorn. The lovely smell of microwave popcorn lures you back into the kitchen before things get too bad. Usually. If not, the memory of the horrible burned popcorn smell will do the trick.

I'm not sure you're drinking enough wine.

When you drink enough doing laundry is fun, and then you find youself taking clothes directly from the closet to the hamper just to wash them. I do that because I drink enough.

It has nothing to do with OCD.

I am so with you on the Panty Problem. But I also have another problem. Last year I dropped three expensive garments off at the dry cleaner (I only do dry cleaning about three times a year because I intentionally buy non-dry clean clothes because I am too lazy and cheap to go to the dry cleaner), and I left them there because I forgot about them. Went on vacation. Came back and was completely out of the frame of mind to remember them ever again. Then I eventually got a bill and wondered what the heck it was for. Then a month later when I was changing purses, I found the original dry cleaning stub. Ohh, that's what the bill was for . . . well, I sheepishly paid the bill. But I was so embarrassed about forgetting my clothes for three months that I never went back to that dry cleaner again! My linen pants, jacket and tank are orphans, hapless victims of wardrobe abandonment.

DEFINITELY take a sick day (or as we in the biz like to call it, (P)ersonal (T)ime (O)ff day) for laundry. That is the only way it gets done at our house. Wednesday, I not only shopped at Target while the sun was still out, I also mananaged to do 10 loads in our skanky laundry room (2 very crappy machines). GAWD, I miss having my own W&D. Does that make me an adult?!

Have you ever boiled an egg...forgot about it...water boils away...pan turns red! it is so hot and egg explodes?!

Well, at least you're still buying new ones. I pretty much went all-Commando a year ago b/c I was tired of washing them and also didn't want to buy them in a bigger size. Plus, it's nice to have this little "I'm not wearing undies" secret all the time. Try it!

Your site amuses me so much that I have a link on my blog to it. I hope you don't mind!

It's been discovered where socks go. Wes (hubby of Rose-Kin Knits) did an award winning documentary on the subject and you can see it here:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=785038513899607682&q=wes+kim

And about the clean panties thing, Bill Cosby says that if you see a car coming at you head on, first you're going to say it (Oh, SH*T), then you're going to do it. Thus ruining a prefectly good clean pair of panties.

I can't stand doing laundry.It's such a waste of time. In NYC they have this great thing called laundry drop-off. You drop off your laundry at a nearest laundromat and some nice lady will wash AND fold it for you. It's one of my favorite conveniences of this ocasionally fabulous city. I would bet that LA, being pretty fabulous city itslef, would offer similar services...

Am I the only one who thinks the pharmacy/hunky guy/tampon fantasy is kind of hot?

Do think about getting a timer. They make special ones just for use in the kitchen. They are known as "kitchen timers", and sometimes they are made in a cute shape, like a chicken or a tomato. Their SOLE PURPOSE is to remind you to check and see if your food is cooked, so clearly you aren't the first person to have had this problem.

I like your sock theory. And the gratuitous cat picture.

If you sauté your veggies, there's no real waiting time (just stirring time), so it's harder to get distracted. Just a thought...

You know, I think your socks came over to my place. I have all these mateless socks, too, but I'm telling you, I DON'T RECOGNIZE THEM. Maybe there's some sort of secret portal connecting all the dryers of the world. Or maybe your socks just hopped out the door and caught a cab to my place. Either way, will you PLEASE call them back, because I don't know what to do with them. Thanks.

P.S. Have you ever been so desperate for clean laundry that you actually turned your panties inside out on the theory that the other side is clean?

Not that I've, um, ever done that. Cause that would be crazy.

See and I think the problem is WHAT you were cooking. Green beans? Boring. Chocolate pie? Much more interesting. I bet if a chocolate pie was defrosting in the kitchen you might remember it, right? Even without a kitchen timer.

So...

You just have to choose the right foods, and you will be a GREAT cook.

Oh and chocolate pie goes just fine with wine. Trust me.

Morning Bob!

Our smoke alarm is too close to the kitchen so whenever I do anything on the stove, including boiling water, it goes off. Then I hear, "Mom's cooking."

The only action my iron gets is steaming the knitted pieces parts. I can live with that.

Ditto everyone above on buying only non-dry-clean-only clothes and using the dryer + damp towel to "iron" while yer in the shower!

As far as cooking - we had an ultra-sensitive smoke alarm - STEAM set it off! - in the kitchen! SO....being the uber-intellegent people we are we simply....disconnected it. um yea. Don't do that.

I cook almost everything in the microwave - and I mean EVERYTHING - ground beef, cake, vegetables - everything! Tupperware used to make awesome microwave cookware - it rocks! Also, if I'm NOT using the microwave I make myself STAY IN THE KITCHEN until cooking time is done.

I don't have a car, and I moved last year to an apartment that doesn't have an onsite laundry. I'm not kidding. I have to drag my laundry to the laundromat in a little cart like old ladies use for their groceries in Queens. And I'm 34. I do laundry as infrequently as possible. I buy clean panites. I buy clean socks. I wash things in the shower. Anything to avoid dragging my dirty laundry through the streets...particularly in the snow.

Sigh.

I like doing laundry and ironing. How weird is that?

first .. I'm a guy, and I iron every day. There, I've said it. Worse: I don't really mind.

second .. regarding the kitchen timer idea. Let's just be clear here -- No, the smoke alarm can not be classified as a kitchen timer. They are separate devices. Not interchangeable, as in "my dinner burned up because I was using the smoke detector as a kitchen timer" and "my apartment burned up because I was using a kitchen timer as a smoke detector."

two different things.

On the topic of washing underwear, one word:

COMMANDO.

yay. Drew and I both agree: ironing's kind of fun.

(safety hint: don't lick the iron when it's hot.)

Ya'll are both welcome to come over and iron/fold/clean away. Seriously. NOW NOW NOW

I have two words for you: Disposable Clothes.

Want two more? Take Out.

Dear Hurricane Chase, I am an even bigger anomaly than you and Drew. If I had world enough and time, I would be taking specialist courses in clothes-keeping. I would have special irons and pressing hams. I would bleach and block.

Too bad I don't have time so I handle laundry like everyone else. Well, not quite like CAP.

Ok, a few laundry comments

Am from NYC and agree that the drop off laundy system is kick ass. However, I still manage to do massive laundry procrastination despite the fact that all I have to do is CALL the laundry and they come pick it up and will bring it back when I so command.

I still tend to wait a few months between laundry calls. I have an enormous panty collection to get me through the procrastination time.

Socks. I buy all the same kind in the same color (black) so matching is not an issue. Of course, should I ever decide to wear tennis shoes (perish the thought), I will look like an idiot.

It's a long road from anal retentive to anal expulsive, but hey, baybee. I made it. Just ask me about my compulsive neatness as a child sometime.

Am I the only one that just _can't_ call them "panties"? It's been 'underwear' since I can remember, I thought they only called them panties on TV!

You are just so funny! It has been a poopy week here, but your blog always makes my day. Since I live the luxury life, (homemaker) I actually enjoy doing laundry. There is just something about nice warm clean clothes. Now I think that makes me crazy!

Ooh, not you got me all paranoid. I need to go out and buy some new panties...errr.. I mean, underwear, boxers, whatever.

I can't cook either. Once I tried cooking something, I had my back to the stove, you know, just leaning back and reading a magazine...(I think it was Vogue Knitting) and the back of my shirt caught on fire. I kid you not!! I still have the shirt to prove it. Maybe I should blog about it.

I find that whole "wear nice underwear in case you're in an accident" highly funny. If you're in an accident and are going to the ER, you are most likely in one of two conditions: either you will be able to take off your own clothes, in which case they leave you alone to do so, or they will be cutting every bit of clothing off of you... why waste a nice pair of panties that way?

I can totally sympathize with the the burning of things in the magic cooking room. I once managed to set off the fire alarm by forgetting that I was boiling water for something... all the water boiled off, then the pan began to burn. Burning pan is not a pretty smell.

OK - I'm actually missing a bra. It's been three weeks. I've done laundry. I've checked everywhere. Seriously...where the fuck is my bra!!!

Re laundry: I, too, have a Mount Washmore, and have used the Buy New Stuff technique, which for me has included bras, pantyhose, socks, t-shirts and turtlenecks in addition to the usual panties. I second the recommendations for Fluff'n'Folds (which is what they're called here in LA, but I haven't found one that picks up and delivers). Another technique: A felted knitting project. Most have to be run through the wash 3 times, so you have to do 3 washes. Works for me. When I do one. (They do have to be knitted kinda loosely to felt properly though.)

Re kitchen: Your cooking ADD is another reason to skip cooking for one and go out to eat. My main reason for doing so is that it really doesn't save any money to buy groceries and try to cook, because it's really hard to buy fresh food for one person, it just winds up becoming science projects in the fridge, so that means microwave, and somehow one microwave dinner just doesn't do it and I try a different one, and then another, and I'm still not satisfied because microwave food sucks, so I wind up going out anyway, only now I've gone through what was supposed to be half a week's dinners and about 8,948 calories, and I'm STILL going out to eat.

You are not alone, my dear.

(Yeah, yeah, I'll update my blog soon.)

Tammie: Yes, yes I have.

I put three eggs in a pot to hard boil, turned the heat up, and walked away to my computer. I actually had a fleeting thought when I sat the pan on the stove "I wonder what would happen if I forgot these and all the water boiled off?"

Probably an hour later, was broken from my electronic reverie by a very large popping noise. Trying desperately to figure out what the cats could have done to make the noise, I remembered the eggs. Sure enough, one had popped open from the now dry heat, and all three had kinda "burnt" spots inside when I peeled them. I went ahead and threw the salvagable part into my chicken salad anyway. If it hadn't been my last three eggs in the house, I'd probably have thrown them away and done new ones before my boyfriend woke up to see I screwed up.

I thought I was the only one who had ever done it.

that was a very funny, very good post... until the end.

now i can't get that stupid song out of my head... now I will volley one to you:

whatever you do, don't think about the "golden girls" theme song!

mwahaha

(shit, now i have that song stuck in my head too... DAMN YOU PURL!!! DAMN YOOOOUUUUU!)

I thought I was the only one who has been known to go and buy new underwear just to avoid doing laundry. And thank you for the song. The next time I am cleaning litterboxes, I will start humming that tune. I would send you wine but I may need it more than you do.

Sounds like you and Drew are perfect for each other...
the PBS show ARTHUR has the cutest episode about
"the sock market"... explains where the socks disappear to

Obviously the solution to lack of socks is to knit your own!
Out of socks? In a short period of oh, 2 weeks, you'll have a new pair. Woohoo!

P.S. How're the fuzzy feet?

I have an ironing board. I use it to block knitted things, that's all! Also, it seems that each time my father has called me in the last six months, I have set off our fire alarm too, so of course he thinks his 41 year old daughter is the only replica of the 60s who cannot cook. He's sure of this. Even though I've made him meals. All he hears is the alarm! The only reason I do laundry is that if I don't, Furball The Old and Fat will pee on it if the pile gets too big. I know this because it happens all the time.

Okay, I just read all your other comments from today and I'm laughing really hard! Cool people!

Renee - You just need to buy black tennies and then there's no problem with socks matching shoes. :)

Great post.
And great photo -- I love it when they fold their paws underneath them in the "kitty lotus position."

BTW, how is Roy doing? He's looking pretty good in the latest photo.

ROFLMAO (email speak for laughing so much that I cannot even remain on the chair).

Please tell me that you are writing a book!

First off Fluff and Fold ROCKS!
I learned all about them from the developers I worked w/

Second Kitchen timer.... except when you don't hear it go off and you burn your kids healthy breakfast of frozen Wienerschnitzel corn dogs like I did this morning..... in that case you can think of your smoke alarm as a delayed cooking kitchen timer...
at least you don't have the guilt of motherhood running around w/ your inability to cook....
also my daughter poured my coffee on my computer today so I'm checking your blog from my phone while they nap because YOU ARE THAT IMPORTANT & because I can :)

I absolutely love and adore doing laundry. It's the only housework that I do myself. Everything else gets done on Thursdays by a cleaning crew.
But, for those who hate doing laundry, most coin laundries have a fluff and fold service where you drop off your dirties and pick up clean stuff the next day for 85 cents a pound. Before I had a washer/dryer, I used to hang out at the washomat every Wednesday with my laundry and watch people drop off and pick up.
And laundries are great places to knit. And I think there are still a few suds and duds laundries with bars in them still around here and there.

um, i did not read past the panty rant (yet), nor any of the previous comments, but, i MUST SAY, have you ever considered that the panties from the store are not exactly CLEAN? think about it ... they've been handled by lots of people in the process to sew these things together, and package and transport, and hang them or stuff them into bags. and i won't even mention the people who may have TRIED ON the panties in the dressing room before you! ICK! so, just re-think the washing thing. really.
okay, now i have to go read the rest of the posting and comments :)

HEY...we have FREE laundry service and I eat out ALL the time here in Afghanistan...(if you can get over the landmines,cold,dirt,poor potty facilites) ...
I'm just sayin is all......

You crack me up....

Ahhh hahahahaha, you are such a hoot. I like to wash the clothes but despise ironing them, talking of which, i need to do some ironing now, i think i'll knit instead.

If it need ironing...it goes to the women's shelter. I do laundry at night. Load in washer before I go to bed, load in drier as soon as I get up. Or better yet, if I wake up to pee in the wee hours. I'm slow in the morning so my clothes are dry by the time I'm ready to put them on a d go out the door. Laundry and dishes are the only things I've got under control in my house, but I'm single with a cat and dog to pick up after. I've desrtoyed 2 pots burning things on the stove...luck the house is still standing. The grill outside burns food very well too and there's no pot to ruin!

Sharon

Yeah, Bob. I love me some Bob.

Since I stopped working at the big law firms I only wear panty hose for job interviews, weddings or funerals.

Laurie, I was just over visiting Ann at Purling Swine (http://www.purlingswine.com/) and saw this link. I thought you might like to see it. http://www.catenema.com/cat1.html

I just have to add to my previous comment. First of all, DO NOT LISTEN to Gray. You have enough mania. That said, sometimes if I am going out of town, I will pack my clothes dirty and wash them at my destination, or sometimes I will JUST BUY NEW CLOTHES THERE.Which only adds to the problem. Someday soon, (I have been saying this for three years now) Goodwill is going to land a windfall. Meanwhile, my laundry room looks like a prison laundry. And I also have the dry cleaning bag that has been waiting to go out. The good thing is, when I clean or do laundry, it's like going shopping. (Hey, I forgot I had this dress!)

You changed your banner! And you gave us a (I hope newly inaugurated series of) totally gratuitous cat pic(s)! What a woman you are, Laurie!

Hugs to all - if the knitting's not done for the gift just give 'em a snip of the yarn and a picture of the pattern along with a "This is being made for you at Santa's Workshop. It will be along as soon as Mrs. Santa gets done!" After all, it's the thought that counts :)

Wow, laundry drop off.. that would be a dream...now the only laundry drop off I have is the bedroom floor....I have a spousal unit that actually does laundry or the poor thing would never have clean clothes.He THINKS he is punishing me by not putting my stuff away...LOL!!! I just DON'T CARE. I know people get satisfaction out of it... my SIL actually gets up at 5:00 am because it's the only time the laundry will get done ...uh, no.

I don't mind laundry, cause the machine does most of the work. I love crisply pressed shirts, but ironing takes too damn long, so I have currently banished all wrinkle-prone fabrics to the back of my closet. However, I have learned the difference between spray starch and Magic Sizing. Someday, when I'm a bajillionaire, I'm going to buy one of those badass Rowenta steam irons that cost like $300. Hello, I'm a complete laundry dork.

The whole panty thing reminded me of something I did as a *cough young single woman. I used to wear the ugliest panties on a date that I didn't want to get out of hand. Because I have no self control, but the fear of a hot guy seeing my ugly panties would stop me cold. Did anyone else do this???

Laurie honey? One word: microwave. It's this newfangled invention that eliminates burning s**t on the stove. And if you forget something in it, it's a self contained hazardous waste recepticle.

And I've heard you can dry panties in it (in a pinch). *blink blink*

Hi BobCatTail!

I too suffer from advanced cooking ADD, read all about it here: http://desperatemousewife.blogspot.com/2005/11/recipe-for-aubergine-flambe-take-one.html .
And we also have a Mt Washmore, which goes critical about once a week, as there are more schooldays in the week than there are smart skirts owned. My daughter is having a knicker crisis, I, on the other hand own dozens, and never run out. Let her do the washing, I say!

No-L, of course others have done that. As I am still single, I still employ that tactic.

I am so with you on the buying new whatever instead of doing laundry. With me it's socks. I hate laundry and I hate trying to find sock mates.

I finally decided to tackle the laundry last weekend and today and "found" over 30 pairs of socks. Embarassing! At least I have a month now before I'll have to do any sock washing!

Rolling in laughter here. And I'm with you completely on ironing. I do won one....but it's more decorative than functional. It's amazing how much just a hint of water slapped on the front of my pants will get the wrinkles *all out*! Magic.

No really, I love you...(don't get freaked out) ;) You're hilarious, gorgeous, witty, southern (which makes you perfect really), and all that--but it's "y'all" not "ya'll" pleaaase.

I'll swop you socks for coathangers, since I have too many of the former and not enough of the latter.

I could also send over some Prawn and Pea risotto, I appear to have cooked enough to feed an army, and the fridge cannae take it any longer.

~x~

Ok- I'm dying of laugher, here. I own my own washer/dryer and i'm in the SFV.
Why don't you load up your laundry and a couple of bottles of cheap-but-good white wine (can't drink red- gives me migraines) and we'll have fun telliing divorce-and-ex-husband stories while we wash?
The wine would be a lot cheaper than a laundromat, and it'd be a LOT more fun!
And if Drew and Chase wanted to come along, we could make a party of it!
PS I'm ignoring my laundry in favor of Christmas decorating.

HAHAHA. I like Chris' idea wherein you drink more.

I am completely, unabashedly, utterly and incomprehensibly in love with you. I've just spent the last several hours reading every word you've written (well, mostly, I skimmed some, I'm impatient, sorry). You're witty, smart, beautiful and gosh, people like you!

And now so do I.

I'm not really a stalker, I just play one online.

Well, Wenders got the DC fire department to come when she cooked... but it was only once. and it wsn't actually Cooking ADD. I sympathize with the mountainous laundry problem. Neither DH nor I did laundry all weekend... it's going to be slim pickens in the morning.

Not only do I say 'panties', but I sometimes call my poor hubby's underwear 'man-panties' just to mortify him. But I don't like to call trousers 'pants'.
Regards cooking- I also have kitchen ADD. Have two timers. Manage to ignore both.

About that burning smell...

Kitchen timer!

Set your microwave timer. or buy a cute kitchen timer that is loud enough to hear all over your house.

I have to set one when I grill because... I burn my mean to charcole. Kitchen times are the way to go. (That and leave your wint in teh kitchen, you will surley return.)

Remember Erma Bombeck? She had a sock theory in the 70's (how old am I?) that you didn't lose them, and they don't turn into something else like hangers. She discovered that they BREED IN THE DRYER. I have lived by this theory ever since.

Also, Drew really does like doing laundry and ironing. It helps when you have your own washer and dryer and iron of course, and I assume you don't(?).

Dude, your laundry basket is SO the grotto at the Playboy mansion.

HOLY LACE AND FRILLIES, BATMAN! You have 91 comments!! That's pro.

Let me spill it up front ... I DO NOT KNIT. But i read your journal, and find it far more than sufficiently entertaining. Props, and red wine wishes.

I'm sorry, but, doesn't EVERYONE buy new underwear to avoid doing laundry? Isn't that the entire reason why my sorority house was located across the street from the Bullock's Westwood so that new panties were merely a short walk away and didn't require the moving of the car and thus the losing of the oh-so-valuable parking spot?

Huh. I could've sworn that buying new underwear in order to prolong the laundry-avoidance period was like a law of the universe or something.

Anyway, carry on, Aunt Purl. Love you! Er, in a non-internet-stalkerish, non-weird-in-any-way sort of way. I'm going through a divorce, too, and I swear this blog is helping me get through it!

KJ