Frankie! Morning to you too! I was hoping for a picture of her. So many other cats get the spotlight.

It's the jingle's of the world that spur others to knit socks. Without jingles. Or pompoms. Or little blinky lights.

And it sucks to be lonely, it does. I'm right there with ya. But it does help when you have a cat to keep your lap warm.

Ah, the cheery holiday folks. Don't you wish you could smack em' until your arm gets tired? There is nothing wrong with wanting to hide from the holidays, this year or any other year.

You do what you need or want to do. And to anyone who gives you grief about it? Bah fucking humbug!

i have nothing relevant to say.

i just wanted to remind you that i am here.

It's okay to be lonely because then you don't have to share your cabernat with anyone else (I'm selfish that way) or compromise on what to watch on tv (again with the selfishness).

AGH! I'm with you....no jingle people please, especially in the morning.

Kim, excellent train of thought there!!

Hi Kendra :)

LOL @ Julie... I do indeed find myself sometimes wanting to do very unladylike things. I resist. It's best. Hi turtle and Kathleen. Frankie is so pretty. But man can she meow-whine. Really.

There's a link at Mason-Dixon Knitting to an Ugly Holiday Sweater contest. Your cellphone has a camera.

Just sayin'.

I hear ya, sistah. Hang tough. It won't always be like this. Maybe next year we'll be The Jingles. (errr, or maybe just want to kill them less :))

In the meantime, pass the eggnog....

Focus on what you do have - friends and family that love you (near or far)and cats that adore you. I started feeling just like you after Thanksgiving, but started focusing on what I don't have - more presents to buy, "other" relatives to visit, someone to annoy the hell out of me...and it's put it into amazing perspective!

Yes, the Jingle's of the world are annoying...but I'm thinking this is the ONLY thing she has to look forward to EVER - no other life besides attacking everyone with her "Holiday Cheer" - BLAH HUMBUG TO HER!

If she brings up Christmas again just say, "my husband died on Christmas last year." I'm wicked I know, but it should stop her from bothering you.

Meh, don't let the jingles of the world get you down. I believe that deep down, all that cheer is really just a front for their own loneliness, because otherwise... all that cheer...just not natural.

Plus, at least no one avoids you on the elevator based on your seasonal attire.

I also suspect it is perfectly OK to be lonely, I have been lonely many a time and am still here and tickin'. I also take some pleasure in being selfish and wallowing for a bit, so I think that's OK too. Don't let the Jingles of the world get to you. Just think, it's possible they are overcompensating for an inward loneliness with outward hyper-jolliness...or they're just obnoxious by nature, who knows? Either way, it's better to be you any day :)

Yes, we must lock all the Juingles of the world into a small closet and pipe in The Dickies doing their version of "Silent Night" until the Jingles agree to behave...

Oooooh, Jackie, you rock! Heh, Heh, Heh...that is a wicked...Beautiful response!

I just marvel at all the Christmas SWEATERS. WTF? Is there some rule that says that once a woman reaches a certain "age" (in your 30's in the midwest, I think) that she must wear a Christmas sweater and pins and holiday flair? I'm protesting by non-compliance.

And I haven't bought a damn thing this season except several hundred dollars worth of electronics for some ungrateful little darlings (uh, my children), which I shopped for online last Saturday morning.

I look at people who say that they are done with everything and I am dumbfounded. Where was I when we were instructed to finish? Or inspired to begin?

Laurie, we're sending you love from MN. I keep telling myself that if I just treat it mostly like just another day then my total ineptitude will just pass for just half-assedness. Not much of a sentiment, but it's all I have...! HA!

GIRRRRRLLLLL-- You can find an entire store of Jingles at the A.C. Moore around October 15th getting tubes of glitter paint and bags of potpourri for the Holidays (and I am not talking halloween--they shop for that shortly after easter). Don't think she wouldn't use those long purse strapps to strangle you if you get between her and the last package of red pipe cleaners or baggie of jiggly eyes.

Next time tell that Jingle your Jewish.

The Jingles of the world fall into the same category as people who are cheery first thing in the morning. Both groups make me want to do the most awful things to them. But my mama didn't raise me that way. Besides, she's one of those cheery morning people.

I was going to say, "How could you be lonely with the cats?" but then I got to the photo. I am with Kim. I don't always want to share and I sure don't want to give up control of the TV remote.

I wudda preferred Jingle to the woman who had been "sick for a month" and was hauking up a lung RIGHT IN MY FACE. Man, those people are annoying!! I don't care if you're "not contagious" anymore! BACK OFF.

Lonely is good. Lonely reminds you of how much people love you and you love them. And Lonely is a passing state of mind. In a few years, when you have rugrats driving you out of your mind, and your Sig Other is making you crazy with his/her constant conversation, you will miss Lonely. In the meantime, we'll all be happy to make you crazy.

It is absolutely okay to feel lonely. And probably to strangle that woman. And I don't believe that you are having anything that even vaguely approaches cold weather.

I agree with MonkeyGurrrrrl - lonely can be lovely from the other side of the telescope. I had a period earlier this year in which I found myself alone for 4 months (and no, I wasn't in jail), and without the husband, kids, and dogs I figured out who I really AM now. Makes the chaos of daily life that much more bearable.
Plus, your OWN teevee remote? One cannot put too high a price on that.

I say, take your camera into the elevator. If Jingle is there in a hideous Christmas sweater, take her picture, she'll love it.

Then, send the evidence, I mean the picture, to Nilda at Waltzing Knitilda (http://nildamesa.typepad.com/waltzing_knitilda/2005/12/contest_change_.html) as an entry into her ugly sweater contest.

It won't make you less lonely, but it'll be a lot of fun.

The worst kind of lonely is being in a relationship and still being lonesome.

Most of the time I think I am lonely. Then I get around other people that I thought would cure my loneliness and I can't get back to my apartment, my cats and my yarn fast enough.

In 1991 I left my ex and even moved to another state to make sure I wouldn't go back to him. I was lonely for almost exactly a year, and I wallowed in it, and it actually felt good. I mean I really liked getting to know myself again, since he moulded me into his idea of a proper woman.

"Proper Woman" my ass. He wouldn't let me piss in the woods and drove me to the closest gas station which had (I kid you not) feces, urine, paper wrappers, and used drug needles in the stall. I'd rather piss in the nice clean woods any day of the week! I think I got a kidney infection after that.

But I digress: there are good things about lonely, the best being the time to get to know yourself again. And not having to create an entire dinner every night when you would rather just have beans.

New movie: Death to Jingle.

I wish I could hybernate during the season, but with a 5 year old, it's kinda hard.

i like jackie's response too :) we're evil, aren't we? isn't it fun?

but, there is also no toy trot to the in-laws' house!!! enjoy your cats!!! and your wine and ehhnog and TV and knitting!! aaahhhh, no inlaws. what a thought. these are the same inlaws that followed him to new mexico when he went to college, and moved 2 miles from my house when we got married.
can I get an "Issue?" anyone? mmm issues...

Heyyyyy...Frankie meow-whine...gotta love our kitties. They know who the chow comes from...and truly they are so attached to us that they're co-dependent: now that's a relationship hyper attachment I can tolerate.

Jingle lady --- yeah tell her you're Jewish or better yet a pagan...naw, that still works in the tree thing...anyway...

Laurie, keep writin' and we'll keep commentin' -- it's letting me know I'm not confused or makin' stuff up...this IS reality.

everybody gets lonely, everybody gets the blues./ good times don't last forever, and neither do bad times.

Embrace your loneliness, it is yours. It is your inner feeling of knowing that people and relationships are important to you. I agree with Jackie, Jingles, is probably way more lonely than you will ever be. Don't discount your loneliness, and it is perfectly ok to be lonely.

Okay, I'll admit, I'm a lurker. Sorry, but I am. I'm new to all of this, ok?! (knitting AND knitting blogs). Anyhoo, I love your blog...you make me smile. :) I can tell you from experience, that Jingle COULD be worse---she could make baked goods and force you to try them while she stood there, watching your reaction. Be glad Jingle stays on that elevator when you exit!
And, as far as being lonely goes (since you are now wondering what right I have to lurk around and post anything in the first place)...do whatever makes you happy. Popcorn and wine? Go for it. It's YOUR Christmas, too. Screw the Jingles of this world!

You are absolutely right. I spent some lonely years. And when someone better (as in the exact opposite of my ex )came along, I only appreciated him more.
So sit, drink, watch bad movies. It's a process. And any process that involves a bit (a lot) of booze can't be so bad.

I think that maybe five (or even three) years ago I would have been horrified and humiliated to admit I was lonely, so for some reason I think of this change as being a very big thing. Like, hello! I am lonely! but OK! Kind of even enjoying the fact that this is just part of life, and feeling sort of grown up and get to keep all the wine!

LOL. Thought I was nutso til ya'll sort of reinforced the same idea.

P.S. I AM SO TELLING HER I AM JEWISH!!!!

Sometimes lonely is good. It is sort of cleansing.

Two Christmases ago, I had to deal with a coworker like Jingle. One afternoon I just turned to her and said, "The next time you mention Christmas in my presence, I am going to poke you in the eye with a sharp stick." I didn't have a sharp stick handy so I couldn't have followed through on my threat but it was enough. My tone of voice was just serious enough that she couldn't be sure I wouldn't do it.

Ugh...I do hope that I do not grow into "one of those" ladies that is all decked out in a cmas sweater. I boycott them right now! I

t will be fun though...when next time you see her just run like hell. Or start humming, or get tourettes syndrome! There-you will never have to worry about her again. Fun times.

You are funny.

Stay Classy,
Steph in Arkansas

My dear, being alone is a fabulous thing. I don't know why society is so against it. Being an only child I have always enjoyed being alone. I don't think you have to be crazy busy. Knit some, maybe put together a movie marathon for yourself. I did Keanu Reeves (well not *did* him so much as watched his movies) it was pretty darn intertaining. I mean when was the last time you watched My Own Private Idaho? really.

Also I was thinking about it this weekend & I remembered you being in LA and all.... go pick up an LA Weekly and flip to the back. This is where you find the personals. Now' don't go thinking ahead here I am soo NOT suggesting you well... anyway... this is where you can find the solution to your housekeeping issues. Ya see there exist these slightly off kilter men who WANT TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE with the small condition of wanting to clan it NAKED. They are totally happy if you completely ignore them. and VOILA' you house gets cleaned! I've never actually had them come clean my house but I did deeply consider back in my prefamily days.... & the ads are phenomanally amusing.

Howdy there. I didn't read all the comments, so if I am duplicating, sorry.

I am lonely, too. Glad to know that I am not alone in my loneliness (or in that whole popcorn for dinner thing).

Anyway, you're not lonely alone, kiddo.

ok jingles is just psycho. there's nothing right about wearing christmas sweaters (total glamour don't - does she have a bar across her eyes)or about being done with christmas shopping months in advance. 1. you miss the really good sales. 2. what did she buy everyone -- last season's cast-offs? re-gifts? clearly no one in her family is getting the xbox 360. loser.

and being lonely is ok. this too shall pass. on christmas with my family far and friends away, i started pretending i was jewish. i'd enjoy having the day off and go to the movies and order take-out chinese (that's what jewish folk do in the boston area -- at least in my old neighborhood they did).

Sweet Purl, if you weren't lonely right at the moment, newly unmarried and the folks far away, you'd have to be some kinda brainless optimist. instead what you are is a totally reasonable woman who's doing Christmas in the middle of a rough spot. So every picture you see that isnt' a perfect couple is a perfect couple with 2.3 kids and a yellow labrador retriever, and you start to think that's reality. but it's not reality, it's just marketing.

be lonely, feel whatever you feel, wallow a little for a while. no matter what, stuff changes.

Would it help to make you feel less lonely if I told you that you make me laugh every day and that I could not do with out you? You are a prize and wealth of amusement, and even though I don't know you personally, I would bet every penny I have that you and I would be great friends. As far as Miss Jingle, well, you could always tell her that "love to chat, but I have to poop reeeaallly bad, ta-ta!" I have done this and it truly works!!!!

My mother, normally a woman of fairly good taste, has several (fortunately, non-noise making) Christmas accessories. I mock her every chance I get for wearing them.

Her standard response: "Oh, I always get compliments when I wear these [earrings]."

Me, muttering; Yeah, from other citizens of Jingletown.

While the holidays do kinda suck for those of us who are Singletons (as Bridget Jones would say), I have to tell you that 13 months that my boyfriend and I were "on a break" were actually some of the best months of my life. I had a chance to know *Me" as a single unit, not someone's daughter/sister/girlfriend/whatever. I kinda felt like Julia Roberts in The Runaway Bride (except I don't eat eggs). I quit defining myself as *belonging* to someone else.
(We just won't talk about the fact that The Jerk and I got back together. Toxic doesn't even begin to describe it...the New Me and the Old Him just didn't mesh--thankfully I'm free again)
I've done a little dating, but I'm really satisfied with my life as it is.
I know it's got to be scary---you've been Mrs. X for most of your adult life. Now it's time to get reaquainted with Laurie.

AS for the Jingle in my office...we all have those cheap fuzzy red stockings with white cuffs hanging on our doors. With our names written in gold.

*Stepping of my soapbox*

Laurie,

I just wanted to comment on the quality of the writing today. That post was just about as perfectly structured as an essay can be. Plus, entertaining, funny, charming, thoughtful and emotionally honest (make that emotionally nekkid). You've got wrtiting skillz.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone can be lovely and peaceful and quiet. Being lonely can be sad and hard at times. But we all get there.

My kids will be 3,000 miles away with their father for Christmas - gone for three weeks. They'll have a blast and I'll survive, but Christmas Eve will be lonely. So I'll have some good Champagne and something fattening to eat and watch "Charlie Brown Christmas" and probably cry, but then I'll be ok.

None of this is probably making you feel better, but really, I just wanted to say, it will be ok. It really will.

Oops. I meant that to say, "You've got mad writing skillz."

Oh! She sat behind me in a movie theater recently. I actually shushed her. I've never done that before - it was really satisfying.

Thank you for saying this:

You aren't broken if you're lonely.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded, you know?

The sad holiday underbelly is there and I admire you for exposing it. I feel the same as you, but you're right. It won't kill you or me. It IS ok.

A Jingle with a case of the Mondays. Next time mention that you have a weird case of ebola-like flu and are prone to projectile vomiting.

Loneliness alone is far better than loneliness in a relationship or marriage. I know the latter all too well.

Continuing on this disjointed ramble, was in the south all last week and thought of you. Had me some biscuits, grits, and plenty of Delta charm. Southerners are some of my favorite people.

Hang in there. Holiday season is evil sometimes. I just booked a trip to the Florida Keys. Hoping Margaritaville will make me forget!

Why can't airlines let cats fly in First Class Cats for free and then our fur families can go vacay with us?

Thank you for this. My 5 year relationship suddenly ended 2 weeks ago and I've been struggling with the loneliness. I need to keep reminding myself that it's not something to "fix", but something I need to work through and deal with in my own way.

Someone beat me to this suggestion but "I"m Jewish" is the best answer to "did you get your Christmas shopping done yet". It stops people dead in their tracks, at least as long as it takes them to remember that gifts are exchanged for Chanukah. But if your elevator moves quickly you might be out of harms way by then.

Oh, and my former roommates crazy ass girlfriend exposed us all to scabbies last year at christmas time AND DIDN'T TELL US FOR A MONTH, and yeah, scabbies, worse than loneliness.

What she wrote. Great post, Laurie. It's nice to see someone come out and say things that so many of us think. :) I also firmly believe that until a person is comfortable with being alone and occasionally lonely, he or she probably shouldn't go find someone else to fill the space.

Re: Jingle - I think you should pick up a copy of Bad Santa (the badder version, not the released to screen version) and slip it into her purse some morning. That oughtta traumatize her no end.

I've been lonely and crazy, but I haven't had scabies per se.

But I have seen a scabies outbreak, so I can see clearly which one is worse.

Because people shun those with scabies, as being dirty scabies infested people. All the cool people are lonely. Thats when genious happens.

And you can try combining advice, like, "Christmas killed my husband, and we were Jewish." Or you can try drop-kicking her. That would work to. (Been there done that...)

Oh yeah, I've been married for a long time now, but I remember all too clearly what it was like to be lonely. It's something you work through. And, remember, as long as you're not running down the street in your nightgown, no one talks about you.

It's also a good way to slow down a little and appreciate the kitties and what it's like to have a fine glass of wine at your fingertips.

Before you know it, life will start getting really busy and you'll wish for the quiet times.

I too will be struggling with being alone this Christmas. My charming, witty, kind boyfriend died unexpectedly this August.

I am finding that I am getting more comfortable with being alone though. Becoming more comfortable in living in my skin and not having to worry about anyone but myself and my pets. The idea of dating again is most unattractive so I think I will simply concentrate on making my life more complete on my own.

Damn Jingles and her little happiness club she likes to beat people with.

Nothing wrong with being lonely. I'm lonely lots of the time and it has nothing to do with the rambunctious elephants screaming meemies darling uncle and his family whose basement I'm trolling. It has nothing to do with the holidays because frankly, it's just another day. Woo-freakin'-hoo. Loneliness happens and all you can do is harrass support your frazzled friends that are in a frantic finals flurry while you knit them crazy socks because hey, you have to study too and if you have to look at that damn illustration of some old guy's penis ONE MORE TIME, there will be aluminum needles shoved through your EYES!

Er...right. Nursing stuff. Reproduction. It's a beautiful thing. Depressing as hell.

We have that lady too. What's worse is I've never actually been introduced to her, but she's so nice ALL THE TIME that I almost want to vomit. Instead I just whimper hellos and mumble the day to day niceties.

I did that "done with xmas shopping in september" thing one year. It felt sick and wrong. No adrenaline buzz at all.
And I'm lonely every year at christmas. My family is too far away, and this year my kid will be gone. I'm going to help at a local church, and forget the rest.

Aunt Purl,

Being lonely isnt permanent, it will change I promise....it just sucks because the holidays are involved.

Take comfort in knowing that this feeling will not last forever. You are a wonderful woman full of witt & charm who is ready to start her life anew!

However the jingle freak needs to go :)

You've touched on what actually bugs me about holidays in general. Even if you are not specifically lonely (like surrounded by your insane family and you WISH you were lonely) you are expected to be having a Fabulous Time, and no one's actual experience can ever live up to that.

New Year's is worse for me because all that expectation is condensed into a very short 6 hours or so. You're supposed to be all dolled up having a very sophisticated grown-up time, and you're out there at your $150 ticket dinner or dance or whatever and people are so aggressively in your face with their Fabulous Time (that they are not having, either, but someone has to keep up the pretense) that you just want to smack them. Kind of like a drunk, obnoxious Jingle.

Yeah, I stay home.

Hey, maybe you can do what the Jews do on x-mas - go see a movie.

Loneliness is OK - it reminds you of the warm tinglelies when you're with your loved ones. Besides the kitties you've got all of us.

My kid just figured out what a toast at dinner was and wants to do one everyone. We'll raise a glass to the Crazy Aunt Purl and her kitties ... Can't be too lonely when there's folks drinking in your honor (even if it is just chocolate milk)!!

Love your blog Purl. Your writing is so witty and millions of women can relate to you. I'm a separated Southerner too, with 4 cats (coincidence? I think not). Knitting has saved my sanity. Along with some very supportive women friends and a few married couples who include me in stuff. Embrace the loneliness. Feel all your feelings, study them, catalog them, talk ugly to them. Realize there are all these fake expectations floating around and you don't owe them anything. The best response to Jingles is that famous Southern method of "the cold stare." Last night I was facing a night at home with clutter that needed to be picked up, so I went across the street and asked my neighbors if I could see their tree. (I've lived here for 4 years and we're friends) And lo and behold, the mom and the 2 little girls are learning to knit and crochet. So next time I'm lonesome, I'll take my knitting and go see them. You will feel better. I promise. It takes about 1 year.

Normally, I'm just a lurker, but I had to comment, seeing that I am lonely too!! I've been divorced since September 2002 and I've been varying degrees of lonely since. I'm not broken, I'm not crippled, I'm certainly not dead and I most certainly under no circumstance have ever had scabies...in fact, I'm perfectly fine, most days even happy.

I think the only people that think lonliness will kill you are those people who have never allowed themselves to be alone. You know the ones, we all have at least one friend that can't be alone...EVER.

So, just as you have embraced the craziness, embrace the lonliness. I embraced both and am much happier now.

Actually, it sound like Jingles is lonely too. Why else would she accost strangers on the elevator? After all of my siblings moved out, my mom went through this phase of Christmas sweaters in November. Once, when she was picking me up from the airport, this snotty man walked up to her and said, "That's a very Christmassy sweater." I wanted to kick him and shout, "She's working through some shit! Give her space!" Anyway, her taste in Christmas junk has become more refined over the years, but I think that the manic decorating is something that she does to remind herself that she is part of a larger group, her familly and friends, and that soon we'll all be together. I suspect that Jingle is working through something similar-- how to be a part of a group in this alienating atmosphere. She must think that she is doing this favor for you, extending this sense of groupness. She's nuts of course, because she's projecting her emotions and coping techniques onto you. I think that you might look at her as one of those people who has never learned how to be alone. She's a cautionary tale-- learn to love your own company, or you might become a Jingle, or one of those people who dress only in the colors of a major sports team.

Laurie, I know this is just a posting on a website, but I will be thinking of you and hope that you feel somewhat comforted by all your friends out here who support you and wish you the best! Lonely is hard. Lonely hurts. Lonely makes you cry and Lonely makes you angry, but there is writing to us to unload some of that. When that doesn't work, there is wine and there are cats. :) All is right with the world when I get home and my sweet Rose is running through the house to get to the door. You have that times 4!

Lucky you!

Um, I wear Xmas sweaters (no jingle bells though). I do love Xmas and all the decorating and stuff, but since I got sick, it's been tough to keep up the schtick. And to ask someone about their Xmas shopping. Oi!

I am so not a morning person. Add the whole merry, merry thing, and I think you are to be commended for not finding a creative way to "knit" up her purse straps.

I played a sick game with my local Jingle.

I lied. Profusely. Extravagantly. I topped everything she did by a factor of two. This went on for three years.

She hates me.

And this year? She avoids me.

Mission accomplished.

I hear you about the lonely -- been living on my own for 11 years now. Me KNOWS about the lonely. Intimately. But really, it doesn't hit too often, except on an actual holiday. And yet I survive unscathed. (Perhaps we should do a holiday together sometime? Sorry - you don't even know me. No need for restraining order, I promise!) But on those days when it hits, I still fantasize about having a handsome, capable, loving hubby and a couple of kids. I don't think either will happen for me, so the fuzzy, four-legged kids and "It's a Wonderful Life" on the tube will have to do. It helps to not decorate for the holidays -- what's the point? Here's hoping you're able to go home for Christmas this year.

Jingle people are the scourge of the earth.

And the Christmas carols playing over and over in every store you go into?? May as well provide shoppers with a padded cell for their convenience.

If you're lonely, email a couple of your adoring commenters - you'll have so many email conversations you won't know what to do with them all, and it's a lot harder to feel lonely when you're having six conversations at once!

PS.Frankie is so considerate. Nothin' like a vocal cat (or two, or three) at 4.30 in the morning to show that you're loved!

Lonely is just part of life. If you're never lonely you can't really appreciate when you're not. I'm lonely too...and in such a big city...weird.

I'm willing to bet the two seemingly unrelated subjects in this post are not so disjointed.

Jingle, too, may be lonely. For her, maybe the best response she can come up with is to be overly cheerful about all things holiday.

So you can either use that insight to try to build a greater rapport with her the next time you run into her; or you can clutch the image close to your blackened little heart and gloat wickedly.

Or....

She may just be obnoxious.

how depressing. you're feeling lonely. divorce sucks.

my boyfriend's mom just got divorced. she got a boob job, is selling the house, and will be trading in her nissan altima for a mazda miata.

so whatever you do, don't get the miata.

Jingle would make a really good attachment to a rickshaw...

Sing it, sister: lonely is okay, every now and again. Hell, I have a husband and two kids and a cat, and occasionally I am lonely. Because no one round here wants to talk with me about knitting, and how sexy Alan Rickman is really, when he's not being Snape. Everyone is lonely sometimes, and people like Jingle only add to the problem, because they make us want to hide in caves. :) Hey hey, you will survive!

Love you, darlin.

Sing it, sister: lonely is okay, every now and again. Hell, I have a husband and two kids and a cat, and occasionally I am lonely. Because no one round here wants to talk with me about knitting, and how sexy Alan Rickman is really, when he's not being Snape. Everyone is lonely sometimes, and people like Jingle only add to the problem, because they make us want to hide in caves. :) Hey hey, you will survive!

Love you, darlin.

Sounds like quantum entanglement to me. A classic case...

Oh yes, our office has about 6 or 7 Jingles. They are the same ones that keep those tubs o' hard candy and Tootsie rolls and stale pretzels on their desks. And they usually have an Easter outfit too.

I don't think The Jingles are lonely at all. They know exactly what they're doing, torturing us holiday procrastinators in their twisted, cultish ways.

Damn, yes, it's OK to be lonely! Love you, Aunt Purl, in all your lonely, wine-drinking, knitting glory!

(I secretly wish I would get cornered by a Jingle, just so I could watch her self-satified cheer deflate when I explain my policy of boycotting Christmas... they never know what to say to that.)

I know "Living out loud" is your new motto, but have you seen the movie with Holly Hunter (your alter ego)? You should. The naked-house-cleaning-guy is not far off what she does in that movie. So. Tempting. That and befriending Queen Latifah doesn't hurt.

Okay, I admit I'm not lonely. I have all the good Christmas stuff like family and all that. And I do value it. But I also would like an evening to watch "Love, Actually" and cry at the sappy parts and although my husband liked it the first time, I don't think he'll sit through it again, especially if I bawl again.

You have a huge contingent of fans on the internets (obviously, if I'm like the 78th person or so to respond to this post) who are beaming you their good thoughts. So even if you are alone, you can comfort yourself that people are thinking of you. If that helps.

And why, by the way, do cats think 4:30 is such a magic time of day?

You are a brave, honest and knowing woman. You're not broken if you're lonely - many people go through life without acquiring that knowledge.

Before I realized that I had to work at my marriage, I was often lonely even with someone else right here beside me!

But I love the idea of looking at Jungles very sadly (bringing the tears to your eyes) and telling her "My beloved husband died last Christmas." Of course, I'd probably guffaw myself silly watching her reaction...

I know exactly what you mean by Jingle. You should be thankful that it isn't the mailroom guy that stares at your chest and then tries to talk to you...while looking at your chest. I get stuck with him quite often. Grrr. Oh, and I work on the 78th floor. There are LOTS of floors to get stuck in the elevators with him.

John Wayne Gasy...I live in Des Plaines, IL. I realized that he lived there right after I bought my condo. I have such issues with clowns to begin with. Was the show interesting? Wait, I don't want to know. That stuff makes me stay up at night and I don't need to be watching it. ::::la, la, la:::::

Again with the words Laurie, you put it beautifully. It is perfectly ok to feel lonely. It's been nearly 2 years that I've been on my own, and whilst I am the absolutely happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been in my life, there is still that spot deep in the middle of my core that is lonely, and probably will be until I find someone to share my joy with. But that's ok - every time it feels a bit bigger and hurts a bit more, I now know it's time for me to just sit with me and be, and I'm always better off for it.
Anyhow, enough of being profound - I'm off to get divorced in about an hour!! How's that for sharing the joy, lol!!!

I can be in the midst of mine or partner's families, and still feel incredibly lonely. I think it is something that leads us to always search for fulfilllment, but that can also lead us to reach for the stars.

Um, Hi! (waves!) First time commenter, long time reader. (you rock!).

I confess, I am a Jingles. Seriously, it's my nick. Jinglelady, Jingles96, etc. And my website. I love bells. My college roommates/hallmates hated me at Christmas time - one even stole the bells off the door! BUT, I've toned it down a lot in the last 10 years. Now I tuck the bells into the socks (I haven't even worn the sock bells yet this year) but the bell earrings are in. No flashing pins though.

Now - I have to say I did NOT have my Christmas shopping done months ahead of time. I'm still finishing three blankets and a scarf! (I will get it done!)

soba - she needs a puppy!

Laurie, I am so damn proud of you! I've quietly been reading your blog for months now, enjoying all the silliness and aching for you when you've shared your pain. See, I've been just where you are now. I was married for 12 years and found myself all alone four years ago at the ripe old age of 33. I went through the depressions, the loneliness, the heartache of being single again when I thought the vows I had said would be forever. During the past four years, I went through the hell of separation, divorce and custody battles, the love of my life found me when I came out of the fog (it's fabulous the second time around when you know without a doubt it's right because you know what it's like when it's all wrong), and life now is so so sweet. Sometimes when I read your posts it's just like reading something I had written three years ago. So I know that though you might be lonely now, you won't always be. And you're right. Being lonely now will give you the foundation for appreciating so much more what you have when the love of your life finds you.

Big hugs to you, Laurie, and keep on going as you have been going. I'm just sayin', that's all. ;-)

I agree with other commentors who posted it is possible to be lonely with others - and in some ways, sucks harder.

I keep thinking of Meg Ryan's line from "French Kiss" when she's telling her ex just to soak in it until his fingers get prune-y. Sometimes, ya gotta do it so you can say "Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt".

And Frankie? Love the Franken-cat. Yowling and all.

And Jingles? Well all I can say is would she have 85+ posts encouraging her? I think not!

In case you get around to reading all of these posts.....

Just remember---there are people in this world who LIVE for the holidays. They have NO LIFE outside of them. And anyone who talks about cold weather in southern California is a complete freak.

Loneliness around the holidays is a normal state of events, especially since our culture pimps this idea that you have to be in a relationship to be fulfilled. Fuck 'em. You have lots of friends, a great yarn stash and 4 adorable kitties. This too shall pass.

You don't have to be lonely in order to DISPISE Jingle. I hate Jingle!!!!!!!! I can't STANNDDDddd people like that. What would she do if she got a friccin' hang nail??

Anyway, another great entry.

Did you know Jingle is an alien that replicates and takes over the world? We have one IN MY OFFICE!! In addition to lonely, it makes one homicidal. Loneliness is hard - but again - you are facing this with humor and courage. When I'm lonely - I watch the WE channel and drink cabernet. I enjoy your blog and your cats. If only I weren't alergic to cats. You should collect your blog entries and write a book!

Sounds like your dear Jingles needs a big cup of Shut The Fuck Up.

You people are starting to worry me. The Jingles of this world aren't that bad. What's wrong with a little Christmas joy? And, lord, if I managed to get it all done in advance, I think I'd have to smirk about it to someone somewhere. It's not like anyone at my house would understand. Maybe she's lonelier than you, with no one but strangers to share her fantasy of Christmas with.

For the record, though, I have never owned a Christmas sweater in my adult life, nor worn anything with bells or flashing lights. Nor have I ever managed to get everything done early. Never will. I'm a bah humbugger at this point. No jingle.

i wish my lonely was holiday related. then i would only be feeling it now. instead of ALWAYS.

Jinglepeople freak me the hell out.

You have an INTERESTING life.
You made all that up admit it!!!

Sorry about your loneliness and annoying people at work. Both can really suck.

WHEN WILL WE HEAR ROY'S STORY????

You mentioned last week in a com box that he had been abused and kept in a cage!?!?!??! Who would do that to our beloved boy? Aunt Purl's readers demand the full story (and addresses of original owners for any stray righetous anger that might erupt)! And, for equal time, other cat lineages and cute pictures would be greatly appreciated.

Think of it as your present to all your faithful readers (then you could cross us off your list!).

I think the Jingles of the world are lonely. They're weird, annoying and ridiculous, but they're lonely. Who else would have all their shopping done months in advance? Who else would tortuere innocent elevator riders with their over the top cheerfulness? Your Jingle sounds especially awful, and it makes your loneliness seem more so, but her's is clearly the worst. You have Perspective, and that is a gift! I think all cats magically wake at 4:30 to Meow Loudly. Ugh. I'm really a dog person, but I do like our cats. :-)
More eggnog please --- !!!

Ah, yes. I can be lonely in my home with a husband and two sons as we all know how communicative men can be. Often times, the five cats are much better company. Luckily for those lonely times, I have good friends and family that I can call and chat their ears off. You have that too, kiddo and for the moments when you don't, I agree. Enjoy the peace and quiet as you will not always have it. And believe me, once you don't have it, you spend the rest of your life missing it.

I hadn't thought about that angle... all those days weeks months years when I slept in the same bed as my husband but felt completely lonely and disconnected.

It's good to remember that ... it makes this part seem more manageable. By contrast, I would pick a year alone with myself over a day feeling alone with him.

So true. I get lonely from time to time, whether I'm in a relationship or not. Have found that being with someone who doesn't really "get" me is lonelier than being on my own.

Get a copy of "Black Adder's Christmas Carol", laugh your ass off while you are watching it and then go in tomorrow morning and tell Jingle to BUGGER OFF!

Keep on knittin'.

Kristine (Digital Yarn) just called to tell me she posted the most anti-Christmas message on her blog. I asked if she had read Crazy Aunt Pearl. She said not yet. So I just read it to her. I've determined you two are channeling across the continent. We're headed to London for Christmas (departing Dec 21, from Dulles in DC) and you are welcome to join us. We were successful in creating havoc in October. Imagine. The damage we could do. The fun we could have with our cute American accents. Must get back to Kristine now...I hear her choking on the cabernet.

I have to admit- I like to send out xmas cards 2 days before Thanksgiving, just to piss everyone off. But I have never worn a Christmas sweater, or jingle bells. Except when I got paid to be an elf at an xmas party. The bells and a stupid hat.

i saw that john wayne gacy show, too!! also watched the one about the night stalker, too.

I love the line about seeing "a John Wayne Gacy biography" except she probably thinks it was some type of Chrismas story and you are just sharing in her joy of the season. Blah. Blah.
The good news, only 9 more working days of jingling people.
Oh, and, when you get lonely, remember, there are hundreds of us out in blogland that you are probably more then welcome to visit. Even us lurker (stalker-like?) ones if you want to come to Pennsylvania LOL.

I live with one husband, two kids and five cats, and I will not hide the truth from you: this is very good. But there are moments, now and then, that I wish I lived ENTIRELY ALONE, because:
5) I would not have the whole feline crew sitting on me and around me when (or before) I wake up, saying "what do you mean, you're cold? WeneedtogooutweneedtobefedyouhavetogetupNOW!"
4) It wouldn't matter if I ate scrambled eggs every night for a week because I didn't feel like cooking. (Cholesterol, schmolesterol.)
3) I wouldn't have to get the kids ready for school and comb the entire house frantically for DD's ballet slippers which she swore during last week's search she would keep permanently in her ballet bag thenceforth and forevermore and which will turn out to be in the babysitter's car.
2) I probably still wouldn't clean much, but when I did clean, it would stay clean for much longer.
1) I could watch While You Were Sleeping (I love WYWS) every single damn time it came on cable, and not Stargate (I HATE Stargate) or that cop who can't just articulate a straight-out sentence and seems to have a permanent case of swimmer's ear. Yes, I KNOW it's a chick flick. I am a CHICK. I have never tried to hide this.

And one more thing:

We love you La-au-rie
Oh yes we do-oo
We love you La-au-rie
And we'll be tru-ue.
When you're not ne-ear us
We're bluuuuuuuuuuuuuue
Oh, La-au-rie, we love you.

And one more: you know that wire mylar garland stuff you can buy in any discount store with little musical notes or snowflakes or whatever hanging off it? It's pretty strong. Think what a great episode of Monk it would be if Jingle were discovered in an elevator, strangled by garland.

Next time a Jingle asks you about your Christmas crap, say "I choose to celebrate the real Christmas, I donate to charity but otherwise simply spend time reflecting on the true meaning of the holiday." Smile brightly and this will shut her tail up quick.

And remember being lonely is okay right now. Being lonely while married is not!

Big HUGS!

Hope this is not offensive but is taken in the spirit in which it is offered.

I think a lot of "loneliness" feelings that show themselves at this time of year are BROUGHT ON by all the Jingles of the world. The old religions viewed this time of the year (the approaching Winter Solstice) as "the dark of the year" when the nights are longer and the days are shorter. It was a time of reflection about the year past and of hopes for the upcoming year. It was a time of quiet and home and family. Their "rituals" mirrored nature and when it was still and quiet, so were they.

It's WAAAAAAY different now, and instead of being quiet and introspective, our culture tells us to go out, party, spend money, make holiday noise, and be festive (dammit)!! Could be something in you wants to follow the pattern of the season and just spend the time looking back over what has been a year of HUGE transition in your life and think about what's ahead of you. Feeling that way in the middle of all of the whooping and festivities seems to magnify the difference between what's going on inside of you and what's going on in the malls, and maybe that disconnect makes you feel a bit isolated from everyone else (especially Jingle-types). But keep listening to your insides; they usually steer you in the direction of what's best for you.

I wish you a peaceful holiday!

Listen to Frankie, Purl! She's got the only advice you need!

Seriously, it is SO okay to be lonely! Sometimes it's good to be alone and just knitting with a nice glass of wine and some Xmas tunes (or anti-Xmas tunes, take your pick!) playing on the CD player. It's okay to hang out with your cats and snooze and drink spiked eggnog. The first year I got divorced, I even spent NEW YEARS EVE alone. My friends were horrified. I didn't even stay up till MIDNIGHT. And you know what? Having a bowl of cereal and watching my favorite movies until I felt like going to bed was totally fine with me. Like you said, it made the next time I didn't have to be alone even more special.

That being said, if you need company, I live in Ohio. With four cats. And a really charming 12-year old. You can come and visit for as long as you'd like! :)

Lonely is fine. Nothin' wrong with lonely. We've all been there, many of us will be there again (or are there now). And you've got it good, honey . . . it's so much worse to feel lonely when there's someone there with you (when you're not /supposed/ to be lonely) than it is when you're alone. Hang in there; this too shall pass. In the meantime, pass the eggnog. ;-)

"You aren't broken if you're lonely." Isn't that the truth? You hit it right on the head. I'm right there with you. I can't even open my mouth about how I feel without fearing that people take 'lonely' for 'feeling sorry' for oneself. Nope. It's just lonely. And, only in moments. Thanks for putting it so well. Hugs to you!!!

That is one gorgeous cat.

Dear Ms. Purl, I stopped by to say thank you. I have decided that every so often I'm going to take a moment and thank you for the laughs, the tears and the feeling of strength I get when I read your blog. I cannot comment each time becasue then you'd just think I was a skanky stalker, besides, with the number of comments you get each post, I don't think you'd get to mine. However, I will, periodically, stop by and simply post a "thank you" that I hope you know is from the core of my being (or whatever part you've managed to reach). Thank you.

I am *so* glad someone else thinks Alan Rickman is sexy! I've been in love with him for years!!

And the Santa sweater phenomenon...I used to work at a nursing agency (nothing against nurses) but some of the nurses were so into Santa sweaters, pins, earrings and all things Christmas, that it was nauseating. If I get old and need a nurse to come my home, I don't want one dressed up as a cheery Christmas tree! Bah!

Hang in there CAP! Go to London with Kristine!

I know that lady! I know her!! Except at my work we call her The Butter Lady (long story). Unfortunately the one here is like that ALL year long....Fortunately she also no longer works in this building! Woo hoo! (She once talked at me for a 1/2 hour about how much she loved keyboard trays.)

I don't know what happened this year...I was full of joy, joy, joy right after Thanksgiving and now? Not so much. Can I please come to your house and hide from all the crap I still have to do and have no motivation to do? Because really? I would just like to sit, have a glass of wine and knit.

I'll be alone myself too for Christmas. So, don't feel too bad. I also have a lady at work that wear jingle bells on her socks... drives me nuts!!!

It's the Prozac!

I'm lonely too. You summed it up beautifully, though.

(And I love what one of the other commentors -- commenters? -- said about celebrating Winter Solstice with quiet introspection)

I've been there. Yes. It's fine to be lonely. It is preferable to being stuck with a jerk (or two or three.) Tell the cheery Jingle woman to back off... you can cough, hack and wheeze if necessary. If you don't want to be accosted by a "cheer" evangelist, you don't have to be. Humbug. It's not John Gacy tonight, but Porn Valley on MSNBC.. how trashy is that?!

i LIVE IN PORN VALLEY!!!

for a second, i thought i was jingle. then i remembered that one, i don't have my shopping done, two, it's december 13, and my tree is still firmly ensconced in my basement in its box, and three i don't wear jingle bells on the sock. all i do is wear my santa hat

Yeah, I'm like a week late writing this and number two hundred on the list, but what the heck...I think you should go right up to Jingles and say "I just want you to know that I'm really lonely right now. I'm going through a lot and my family is far away." Then ask her if you can come to her house for Christmas. You are living out loud honey and you deserve a Christmas dinner from perfect stranger dammit!