haven't had a chance to read all the way through, just wanted to be first to comment. Yay me!!

I'm number 2

BTW, I hate, hate, HATE the holidays (all of 'em, cept for Halloween!), and its even worse now, b/c I have to feign excitement for the wee monkeygurl, who deserves to have good memories despite her momma's hang-ups. Just remember that in 5 years, when you're married and with monkeys of your own!

Um, well, my ex is a Virgo, and he's in insurance...so i would say that your Horoscope is spot on. LOL.

Thanks for the steamy outlook for us Aries types.

I have been reading your blog for a bit. I just wanted to say "Hi" and let you know that I adore your monthly horoscope thing. I look forward ot it every month. They make me snicker. Oh yes, and I am a moody cancer too. Toodles!

Mary, I am trying to redeem myself :)

Monkey, yes, like that will ever happen! I'd have to probably leave my house. And meet a guy. And go on a date. And that is.... uh. Scary. Bad. Scary. hehehehehe

And baby monkey will love you for making her memories happy ones. nothing has to be perfect for her -- memories are wonderful that way, they smooth off the rough edges.

listen to me, am i profound or what. HAH HAH

Woo-hoo! As a Pisces with a Scorpio ex, me LIKEY! Would I be living a little too out loud if I called him to wish him a miserable Christmas?

You're just a hoot. I like this "darker side" of astrology. Maybe expand it to do the whacky side of cats or the goofy dog Sun signs?

I'm an Aries, but I definitely don't have anything going on. Are there exceptions out ther? Am I the black sheep of the Arian sign? And also, I don't and never had an ex.... so what does that make me?

The Scorpio ex reading~how did you know? Seriously, how?

Oh and BTW, I promise I am not at all embarrassed to know you, even if you do know all the words to many Britney Spears songs. Promise.

Liza {who, after having kids, has a pretty high tolerance for embarrassment}

Even if you do know all the words to the Britney Spears songs, this Libra is still one of your fans.
And you're totally right about the Pisces Exes---definitely Scientologists-in-the-making.
LOL

Love, love, love you!! Thank you for the reminder to be me. Sometimes us Pisces get a little stuck in our own heads. And I really should maybe stop changing the lyrics.

Plus, I have two exes who are Aries. Tee hee!! Bummer for them.

Just revisiting what other folks have said... but... oh my god, how did you know about the Aquarius malaise? I've been ranting at the Knitty board about how the MSNBC horoscope is always So. WRONG. and then you come along and just nail it. :)

Just tell me it gets better in January, because otherwise I'm joining a nunnery and hiding under my bed for the rest of my life.

-Sarah and her Zoo (who wish Roy the best, and would send him bacon if they could, y'know, mail stuff)

i will have to find a good cause to champion...

i'm guessing "more cowbell" isn't right?

see you tonight!

Love the horoscopes, as usual!

I giggled too at the song lyrics -- you reminded me of how often I get song lyrics wrong. (Yours are right, per Google.) All this time, I thought the words were "Chicken and the bread, man, pickin' outdo' -- as in the abbreviated, slangy, country-speak form of "outdoors" ... "outdo'" to rhyme with "yo." I figured someone was loving some chicken sandwich while listening to someone pick a banjo. Duh ... which, of course, makes completely no sense.

Anyone out there know what the heck this chicken is up to? Maybe the Charlie Daniels Band got the words wrong and it should have been "chicken in the bread pan, picking UP dough" (as in the damp chicken getting the flour stuck to it as you shake it around in a pan or bag, just before being fried to a golden crisp).

Curious ... just the think to fret about when I should actually be working. ;o)

laurie - the horoscopes made me laugh as always (i too have evil aries ex floating around in my past) but I do have to object to the whole virgo line of thought - i'm really not a perfectionist at all (except at work, okay, okay...) but my house is a mess and i haven't done laundry in a while, so i'm not wearing matching socks, and my livingroom looks like a yarn store exploded - and i have six knitting projects on the go, and three crochet ones, and no christmas decorations up, or dishes washed, or litter box cleaned... ARGH!!!!

My ex is an Aries. I really hope he feels that way. I really really really do. Karma's a bitch, jacka**.

My horoscope sounds scary until the very end. hmmmm...

From one Cancer to another, change is good, girlfriend!

Ha! Brilliant. You nailed both Capricorn and Pisces in the ex horoscopes.

ahhhh, my ex is a Taurus. And that's PERFECT! Jerk!

Thanks Purl.

Chickens in the bread pan, peckin' out dough/
Granny, do your dog bite? No, child, no.

These are two "tags," little bits of folk songs that fiddlers often incorporate into whatever else they happen to be playing. (That part of the song bothered me for years, so I finally asked a musician-friend about it. He said basically Johnny is improvising and almost using the fiddle to scat at this point.)

Oooh...I'm an Aries and am so happy to hear things are going to be spicy this month! I might have to make sure my husband reads it though so he'll know what to expect ;)

2 things:
1st - THANK YOU for the perfect birthday gift =) These are great!

2nd - is it possible Cancer GIRL exes are ok while Cancer BOY exes are insane psychos who need to be locked in cages away from all other humans? Just askin'...

So as a Scorp, I need your adoration, so I will try and comply. Even though I read through the 'scope and caught the word, "ferret," and then was too busy laughing at the whole theme of my Purl experience this week to continue on.

BUT I must make concessions sometimes, so I'll go back and read the rest, just to let others in on what December holds for them.

hahahaha...take THAT Aquarian-ex-fiance-Captain-Midnight! Too bad! So sad!

And as a Scorpio, I must say that I am not the least bit blowsy, thank you very much.

Did you only recently come in to your psychic powers or have you known all your life? I've been wondering about this, through the months of Purl horoscopes. Maybe you have been psychic all along and only recently, in your living out loud phase, have you allowed it to spew forth. Or maybe the cosmos gave you the psychic powers as some sort of consulation prize....just curious.

Kristy, I got your box yesterday and OH MY GOD. Thank you. I cried. You are so kind. Thank you.

I'm a capricorn and I get to ride on the sin wagon this month...That should be fun since I'm so very recently UNEMPLOYED! Of course I've been making lists for days so....whatever

whew - thanks - I'm an aries - but so is my ex....

I agree with JPT. The research I did showed that the "chicken in the bread pan" part is what they call "square dance patter," filler between calls during a dance, rhymes the caller would either have made up, or have gotten from old songs, etc., usually Civil War era fiddling riffs.

Personally, having grown up on a farm, I think that the bread pan would have held crumbs and stale bits to feed the chickens. The sound of the chickens pecking the metal pan would probably have been a day-to-day rhythm around the house which might have inspired a fiddler to "scat" about it. That's my creative take on it.

P.S. If you still have Barbies to ship to me (get them out of your house, already!), I can personally take them to the church distribution center. Just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about you.

Oh Thank you thank you thank you!
Freakin'-Aries-Ex-loosers...

I must say ... the 'ex is a Scorpio' bit ...

TOO TRUE.

Loser boy.

Dani,

I think you're completely right. Cancer BOY exes are completely insane and need to be locked away from other humans, without a doubt. And as a Cancer GIRL, I'm completely going with your theory.

Laurie,

Love the horoscopes, and well, pretty much the whole blog:) Everyone at work thinks the cats are hilarious:)

OMG, Laurie, are you for reals? This is the best one ever. My Aquarius couldn't be better, since I'm all depressed.

And my ex? Scorpio. And you hit the nail RIGHT ON THE HEAD.

Nice, lady.

LOVE IT!! OK, so not to get all preachy and finger wagging, but you are not spending Christmas alone. You are spending Christmas without your nasty ex, which is a totally different thaing. Kiss kiss.

You crack me up on a daily basis! I am a Gemini and I am going to the bank after work and getting myself a roll of quarters, because you know I can't keep my knees together for long :)

Once again, you nailed it!
Love the ex-oscope!

Thank you for making my day! My EX is a Gemini and so happened called me Tuesday night wanted to get back together after a year!..."Call someone who cares!!!" is pretty much what I told him...You are Psychic!

Really liked your Ex part of the scopes.

THANK YOU! My fence-sitting SO is a Gemini. He better get off the fence soon or he'll have more than a quarter put where there is no sunshine.

Thanks CAP!!!! Been having really bad day and i just read that you said hi to ME!! Hehehehe

My ex was a Leo and I no likey either.

I feel very very old. The breadpan=a pan in which you put the proto-bread (covered with a damp towel) to rise, probably sitting on the windowsill.
Chickens = may not fly, but they can flap and flutter up high enough to get onto a windowsill where you have the breadpan, and then peck out and eat the dough.
At which point you seriously consider reforming the bread into dumplings, or maybe just making a sort of pita with chicken filling.
I hate that I'm old enough to have personal experience with chickens and breadpans.

You got it babe - Cancer's rule. Even when we're an ex. Now pass that spiked cider!

I'm not thrilled, but you're definitely right on. This Virgo is letting her perfectionism take over and starting to feel the stress. Oh, and a random non knitting friend just asked how much I'd charge to make her a scarf. Like now's a good time! (worst part is that I'm considering it...)

I'm a Taurus and I love the idea of this being "Happy to be ME Month." I think I'll write that on every page of December in my Day-Timer so I can remind myself of it. The Ex? A Virgo, and he's not a divorce lawyer, but he did use his fear of me contacting a lawyer (despite my assertions that I wouldn't) to bully and terrorize me during our waiting period. A 60 day waiting period in a no-fault divorce. (God Bless Texas) Ahem. Hey!! Tomorrow's the one year anniversary of my Big D becoming final - anybody else want to celebrate??

ms. beer & carnations... There is a six month waiting period here in CA for a no-fault divorce (AS IF THERE IS SUCH THING AS A NO FAULT DIVORCE). bleh.

Just before I downloaded the horoscopes- I was crabbing about the lack of emails from friends etc. and there you go---saying the very same thing. Are Virgos predictable also? I have Aquarius rising and might just make a switch to that horoscope.

Joanne -- Virgos are awesome, besides Jan 2006 is going to be good for virgo, you'll see!

Holdays. Bah. Love the horoscopes, though. Yes, yes, I'm a totally boring, practical Capricorn. Who hates the holidays for her own selfish reasons, but loves them because they keep our economy afloat.

thank you for sharing this little ray of sunshine! laughed out loud. you rock.

Purl - I love, love, love you!!! Your horoscopes rock! And you are dead on about the Scorpio's - ya gotta love us. Keep up all the good work..

Usually, I read your horoscopes with trepidation; I'm an Aires after all, but this month, you RAWK. Cos you nailed the Capricorn Ex - oh yeah! Not that I'm bitter, after 17 and a half years an' all.

First, the pants full of weasels (I'm soooo gonna use this expression, Erin!) Then the Horror-scopes. Oh my Dog. Thanks for taking a sucktastic day and making it all shiny and new. Except for the part where it's time to go to bed now.

And are we still on for a big "Huzza to Purl" day on the 5th?

Hmmm... Where does Ass-trology fit in with Eve-o-lution? You got it smack on with the Saggytaryus EX post... and pretty close with the Libra, too. I don't know ANY Brittany Spears songs or lyrics (because I'm OLD), but my children went to HS with Jessica Simpson. Which is hard to believe if you knew them!
It meant a lot you liked my Thanks-giving list. :-)

Oh Laurie! I am so glad you got your package. I hope you like them and that they all arrived safely. I was so worried you would think they were lame! :) xox

I have ALMOST become a believer of Astrology...just because my sign has such COOL things said about it.
I rock!
(unless I become an EX...then I'll suck)

Purlie:

I'd love to curl up someplace warm and drink spiked cider. That's one of my favorite things to do. Go figure, I'm a Cancer! Crabby girls rule. Sorry I won't see you at S'nB tonight -- too much to do!

My Ex is an Aries too, come to think of it. But I have this feeling he has already woken up and realized that his one true love is sleeping in a different bed on the other side of the Atlantic ocean, and she hates his guts.

6 months - GAH!! See - there's ONE reason to like Texas - short waiting period for divorces! Heh. Anyway - 60 days was enough drama, and we didn't even have large amounts of diamonds or yachts or land to fight over. I left him because he's a controlling passive-aggressive jerk and guess what personality traits came out during the waiting period??? TADA. And yeah, the whole "no-fault" thing is total hogwash.

Okay, here's a Pisces tryin' to "live out loud." I answered your tag today oh high-priestess of the zodiac. The Gemini "ex" horror-scope was a nice touch. Now, is there a way you can make it SNOW in Tahoe instead of all this blasted rain mess? Thanks.

Ok, here's my Libran great cause to champion. YOU NEED TO PUBLISH! You are a fabulously creative writer, and I been in da' biz (sorta, but I know enough to know) and have been accused of being a good writer (not, but nice to hear). Well done. Just had to do a little homage. Yay you.

And as far as the whole holiday thing goes, isn't Christmas just an excuse to drink the really good wine? And open the Champagne (as opposed to sparkling wine) with the gazillion good friends you have? Cheers!

You LOVE me? Just cos I am a scorp?

omg. Both of my significant ex profiles were frighteningly on the mark. I hope. Aries and Capricorn. Capricorn was definitely on, as you defined why he's an ex. The Aries...well, I suspect it's true. Really.

As a fellow cancer, I am very excited as the prospect of seeing some new asses--god knows i could use it :)

and with a Virgo "ex" I needed to hear from someone else that I should stop calling/texing/IMing/etc. becuase now i've got new asses to look forward too!!

thanks for the Friday sendoff! :)

Laurie, I'm a Leo, and wow, you hit me spot on. Thanks for the hor-o-scopes!

Awww, I would have never guessed you felt that way. Scorps rule!

wow...kd here. i'm an aquarian and you really hit it on the head... HMMMMMMM...can't figure out if i want the man (not as opposed to 'the woman') or not. i am inept perhaps at receiving consistent affection...don't enjoy sharing my morning space, let alone my bed post-amourous.

Can't seem to get this right. i'm one of those people who stands back, looking at the one looking at me with adoring eyes, saying "I can't believe he likes and wants me..." It's all too confusing...been trying to figure this out since I was 18 years old.

I am definitely all about the beaujolais right now...

Thanks for the horrorscope!

I laughed out loud at work, and now I'm confessing to make room for more sin!

Umm...about the whole Leos not being bad exes..someday when you have about 2 weeks I will tell you all the evil things my Leo ex did...for example...have other women IN MY BED when I was out of town...and he moved someone in the apartment we shared after I moved to LA but BEFORE we broke up!

Umm...brain fart - I meant Cancers not Leos in the previous post!

I love the fact that my ex gets two bad horoscopes (Virgo and Scorpio) since I know his sun sign and ascendant and I am Aries so great all around! Being able to smile through yet another stressful holiday season is a gift in itself and your humor and wine helps. Thanx

I just wanted to say that reading your horoscopes are the highlight of my blog-reading month. Granted, I read all your posts, and I am always looking forward to whatever is coming next, but really, the horoscopes kick ass. And I look forward to the beginning of every month so I can read them.

Beautiful... I LOVE the new addition. This Leo with a Scorpio ex likey!!!

i'm very much hav nothin to do today..so i browse....for any interesting source.then...I'm here,
first i was only reading one....then..it continue...and the next think know i read all...ur articles(or whut ever it is)..

and gues whut..it make my day.

;)

home equity loan http://www.homeequityloan-x.com

I know I'm late commenting here, but OMG I think I love you just for the Aries ex. MY ex-husband, an aries, and damn, did that describe him well.

I hope he got electrocuted plugging in his damn Christmas lights. Amen.