Dude. Volleyball hurts. I don't like sports where there is direct contact with you and the ball - it like SCREAMS disaster.

But tennis! Tennis is fun! There is a racquet preventing bodily contact! And you can wear cute tennis skirts! (I am all for sports where you can look cute).

What's with LA and tennis? I flunked volleyball too, btw, and basketball.

The smart reply: "Okay. But before the tennis game, why don't we all stop at the new yarn store across the street from the tennis courts and try our hand at Knitting?" You'd kick some ass then!

Anyhow, I failed volleyball, too. And hockey. Um, and table tennis, I think. And running. And anything that involved getting sweaty. I was anti-sports in high school. But now, with help from the Beavis, I am coaching his soccer team! I am playing some soccer! I am a total soccer badass!

But seriously, tennis? Tennis is a geeky, preppy sport. And, you have to grunt when you hit the ball. Skip tennis - on with the soccer! Soccer = good! Tennis = bad. Knitting = THE PERFECT PASTIME.

As a male reader of this blog, I personally refuse to try any sport where they expect me to wear a skirt! Sheesh! A little pair of capri pants, possibly (And in private) but *never* a skirt!

LOL, that's great! You should have gone to my high school-- we had badminton instead of volleyball. it's like combining the two, but give a bunch of 10th graders something called a "shuttlecock", and it's that much more fun.

i tried tennis once-- i can't aim. or hit softly. so those sproingy balls? go into the court next door... oopsies.

in addition to badminton, we also had to do exercises to the album richard simmons put out. it was AWFUL--imagine that squeaky little man singing! i swear to all things holy... gym class was the most hilarious time ever!!

I grew up with a tennis court in the backyard, so yeah, I played...a lot. But that was the one and only sport this body participated in. And that only lasted until I discovered the boys and how unsightly they found girls who sweat. Heh.

I'll learn to play tennis when I'm able to jump the net. I hear wine is good for the game.

By the way, I did NOT fail volleyball....the only class I did excel in! But now....forget it.

Tootles~

Yeah, I'm with you... Sports + me = BAD BAD news. Really bad. Scary bad. Not even worthy of America's Funniest Home Videos bad.

I'm more of a spectator. :) (You can watch sports while knitting)

I failed phys ed in High school. 3 years in a row (it was only required to pass freshman year). It was so bad, that instead of trying to make me pass phys ed in senior year, they just put me in an extra study hall. No wonder all I do now is have babies and knit....lmao. I guess you have to stick with what you're good at. :)

You are too funny! I got straight A's too...except for PE where I struggled to get a C. When I was the oldest girl in a multi-grade school, grades 5-8 would play games together and I would be the last person picked. Actually, I wasn't the last person picked - I would get put on a team because I was the only one left. "I guess you're on this team, Tana," the teacher would say. Oh, those words ring in my ears to this day. That's why I stick to easy sports...like walking for exercise.

Wait, isn't knitting a sport??? One of my favorite indoor sports.

You are preaching to the choir, Purl! I spent my middle- and high school years avoiding gymnastics and swimming. To this day, I can't do a forward roll (abnormal fear of being upside down). We were allowed to miss 10 gym classes a year (forgetting clothes/etc), and I saved all of mine to use just for this purpose. And when I did have to attend class, I always moved to the back of the line. I'm proud to announce that in 8 years I never had to do the uneven parallel bars, the vault, or any other pieces of torture. Stick with me kid, we'll go far.

When I was a pre-teen I took tennis lessons. The instructor instructed me to give up. (no kidding)
I rule out volleyball on the basis of my rule "do not play any sport where the ball flies at your head" (no sex comments please, I play that sport ;))

I got out of gymnastics in school by presenting a note from the psychiatrist stating I had a phobia of being upside down (i think this was inspired, personally), and got out of softball and early morning eeky lake swim by 'having my period" for 3 1/2 weeks.

Oddly, I like to work out. Its not the excercise I mind, its the teamwork, and coordination that I hate.

Now I feel lucky that we weren't ever graded on our skill at sports, just whether we participated. (And somehow I never got marked down for putting myself at the very very end of the batting lineup for softball.) Canoeing, though, that was fun. And the special alternative I got instead of mountain biking (aka "let's teach Naomi to ride a bike at all") in ninth grade was much better than the mountain biking "class". Maybe you could agree to watch the other people play tennis?

I got out of sports and running laps by simply being willing to try.. and then wheezing scarily after trying. All the while protesting that "I'm (wheeze) fine (wheeze) really (wheeezee cough cough)" as the coach sat me down forcibly.

Worked everytime, and I never got into trouble... 'cause I really DID want to try, and really did have asthma dangit.

Ok, I'm convinced, I won't invite you to volleyball . . . what about SEX at Unwind? That should be considered a sport since it takes coordination, cunning and a great sense of balance . . . Volleyball?????

Never been terribly gifted in sports, but I finally found one I like, and it doesn't take much talent: running. I run a lot. Lots and lots and lots.

... but still, there remains a tyranny of "golfennis" in the business world. You're expected to conform.

My defense? Anyone suggests I join them for a game of golf or tennis, I just ask if instead they'd like to head into the woods and run some trails .. no takers so far.

Maybe you could suggest to the boss that everyone could come over to your place an knit.

Different people do different stuff.

"Down with Golfennis! Down with the sportrule of the MBAs!"

I almost didn't graduate highschool because I failed gym class. In my defense, I refused to take coed pool class where they did not allow us to use blowdryers afterwards. Then the next semester I was late in signing up, and they stuck me in flag football and weight training where I was the only girl. So, I sat those out as well. Yep, did six weeks of summerschool gym class in order to graduate. Oh, the injustice!

This Duck-Duck-Goose reject feels your pain. I was ALWAYS the last person picked for team sports, except for D-D-G. The kids always picked me because they could run around the circle three times before I'd get around once. Stupid kindergarten!

Oh, how could I forget this one? After my gym teacher saying to me, "Kim, you could not possibly have your period AGAIN", my mom wrote me a note that said, "Please excuse Kim from gym class; she has an ass ache." The gym teacher thought it was so funny that she let me skip gym that day too.

I'd say suggest that they all rent rollerskates instead.

My parents took my first bike away from me because I was having a hard time LEARNING HOW TO RIDE IT!!.I remember thinking....whew !!now the pressure is off!!!! I can get back to just walking around the neighborhood with out any added stress!!! I FINALLY learned to ride it when I was in first grade or something.... I've always dreaded gym class and any kind of organized sport( and anything requiring co-ordination in front of groups!!!It's OK to be unsports-able.....WAY better to be creative,artistic and FUNNY!! less injuries fer sure!!

I went to Catholic school. My gym teacher was, and I swear I am not making this up, a nun who was also a former Rockette. She was mean and sour-faced and scary as hell. I was terrible at sports and I still have pretty serious emotional scars from the sight of a perm-haired nun in a sweatsuit screaming, "What's wrong with you?! When you do a cartwheel, you come down like a truck!"

I think one of the great benefits of adulthood is that no one can make you do sports.

I don't think it is fair to gade people on sports. Of course, in college, Bowling was a class. A gym class. So was billiards.

I, VP of Honor Society, received my very first B after the gymnastics unit in the seventh grade. And even that was a gift. It really used to piss me off that I couldn't do cartwheels and the balance beam became my albatross. See? I'll bet you my PE teacher wouldn't have understood that literary allusion, but she could probably walk a mean straight line on that instrument of torture without falling off.

Damn eye-foot coordination.

Haha, I love that you are getting more tennis invitations considering your reaction to the first one.

BUT you are not some uncoordinated doof, Laurie. You've done a sport that requires more athleticism (sp?) than golf!

I am sitting in my office at the high school right now watching the kids on the tennis courts...it's easy to see the ones who are failing! I was definitely one of them....I remember that rope hanging from the ceiling of the gym that we were supposed to scoot up. I swear I got about 2' up and that was it. I still have the report card....all A's except for the gym teacher's comment "Janet doesn't have much upper arm strength". Duh!! I don't need upper arm strength for knitting:)

I'm not a betting person. However, I bet your knowledge of Photoshop is pretty darn wicked. Yes? Why not suggest a Photshop software" show down"...and after a couple of glasses of Chardonnay in lieu of stinking tennis? So tennis is not you're strong suit? Ahhh, they can get over it. :-)

You rock, sister! Grapes and hops rule is our motto.

Ok, I laughed so hard reading this...not at you but because that's me to a T, a big 'ol T at that! I haven't done anything sports related since I was forced to take gym in middle school. I suck, REAL bad at anything. It took me almost 20 minutes to run a mile, I could never do enough sit-ups, I NEVER hit anything that was thrown at me, and I DESPISED dodgeball and kickball. I got into band so I could avoid gym in high school; yeah for marching season being a credit for gym! I haven't stepped in a gym, ever, and don't plan on it. My philosophy: why run when you can walk, why walk when you can drive. So, don't feel bad! Our brains are just bigger than our brawn! (sorry, that's a long comment!)

Sports -- I totally suck at them. I was traumatized by the humiliation of gym class in junior high and high school and did everything I could to get out of participating. I can't swim, I can't ride a bike, I "run funny" (so I've been told) and I automatically flinch and duck when people throw things at me. I don't even like to DRIVE!

I too was the anti-athlete. I got hurt playing basketball, I got hurt playing field hockey, I got hurt doing every sport known to human kind, including walking... some of us are just not cut out for the "physical fitness" credo. It's in the genes baby, it's in the genes. (and my brother was always what I called "the american sportsman")..go figure.

tennis? is that what you kids are calling it nowadays?

Accidentaly shot myself in the foot during archery in P.E. while aiming at the target...enough said.

I am a firm believer in the only type of athletic event one should participate is dancing at a really cool club or party.

PE is the only class that I cut on a regular basis in high school. What was the point in going? I was just going to be picked last anyway.

my equivalent of 'failing' volleyball - i joined our high school's j.v. volleyball team and probably contributed to what was their worst season EVER. i thought by joining a sports team, i would magically become athletic. never one to shy away from destroying the hopes and dreams of other young athletes, i went on to join my college's varsity team. i sincerely believe my teammates cringed when they rotated me in. what's more, my sister went on to be a professional dancer. i, on the other hand, was yelled at by my ballet teacher (on stage, during a dress rehearsal) for not knowing my right foot from my left. so i sympathize and am glad i don't have to rely on it to pay the bills.

WHOA! STOP RIGHT THERE ... Go back up .. Kitten ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HERSELF IN ARCHERY CLASS???

You CANNOT just casually mention that and pass by ... This is a story we gotta hear!

All the details: What happened? What did the school do? Was it Bad? Was there Blood?? Did they reuse the arrow or let you keep it?

They wanted a parent-teacher conference when I was in kindergarten. Reason? I didn't know how to skip! With God as my witness, I swear the teacher actually called my mom over and proceeded to give me a mini-lecture about "the importance of skipping to physical development". Then, in high school, it happened again. A gym teacher called my parents and requested a parent conference. Reason? "I wasn't trying hard enough!" Oh, yeah, like planning to go to college means nothing, but trying harder to run a timed mile in high school PE is going to make you a better person? Curse you, Ms. Debnair! No wonder you never married. Thank you for attempting to ruin my life. May you rot in Hell, you Nazi. (Not that I'm angry or anything...)

They wanted a parent-teacher conference when I was in kindergarten. Reason? I didn't know how to skip! With God as my witness, I swear the teacher actually called my mom over and proceeded to give me a mini-lecture about "the importance of skipping to physical development".

Cut to 6th grade. I'm walking past the bathroom when a water fight breaks out. Even though I wasn't involved, I was ordered to run "laps" during lunch. For 60 minutes, I chugged my way around the playground, doing my best "Hippo on roller skates" imitation (I lack the DNA required for coordinated activities). The teacher who ordered this punishment called me into his office, and proceeded to lecture me that "I wasn't running, I was just walking fast". So I pulled out the $200 pair of orthotic arch supports and slapped them on his desk. You're still on my list for that one, Tom Hoak.

Then, in high school, it happened again. A gym teacher called my parents and requested a parent conference. Reason? "I wasn't trying hard enough!" Oh, yeah, like planning to go to college means nothing, but trying harder to run a timed mile in high school PE is going to make you a better person? Curse you, Ms. Debnair! No wonder you never married. Thank you for attempting to ruin my life. May you rot in Hell, you Nazi. (Not that I'm angry or anything...)

Come play football with me, my 5 year old son, our puppy and 4 large grown men. Much more fun, and you can even get dirty and there's not really any rules atall. :)

I. Hate. Tennis. And, it's all my ex's fault. He was determined that I should play tennis even though I had zero interest. His idea of teaching me how to play was to hit the ball straight at me as hard and fast as he could possibly hit it. Kind of like slamming it down my throat. For someone that had NEVER even held a racquette it was extremely frightening. I was embarrassed (there were other people around), humiliated and before it was over very pissed. I. Hate. Tennis.

in college, i took Table Tennis (yes, ping pong) thinking it was an easy A

i almost flunked

I almost didn't graduate because of phys ed. And by graduate, I mean from COLLEGE. I had to REPEAT three credits of phys ed in order to get my diploma.... in JOURNALISM. You know, journalism, the art of eating cheetos without getting any orange dust on the keyboard while you type your last minute article 4 seconds before deadline? The entire career path is anti-phys ed.
Anywho, enough about me. I agree entirely, never play sports, and if you do, make sure you drink heavily! Love the blog, read it every day! (oh, and in case you couldn't tell from my writing, I left the journalism path long ago...)

so glad to know i'm not the only gal in the world who almost flunked gym class! i hated volleyball because, get this - we didn't have a gymnasium at my school (too small, not in the budget) so we used to play volleyball OUTSIDE, in NOVEMBER, in CANADA. It was so cold out the ball would freeze and I purposely tried to suck at volleyball just so that I didn't have to hit the ball with my red, frozen, frost-bitten hands - no word of a lie.

also the first time I golfed i was fifty over par - fifty! my husband almost divorced me on the spot!

i failed catching a softball, with my hands. i caught it smack in the mouth, lower teeth, lower lip, lower lip smashed through lower teeth. i excel at other things though. like walking. simply walking. over mountains. sleeping under the stars. http://www.trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?id=97493 ... cupcake's adventures.
dearest auntie purl, if you like voyurism (sp?), then read this too! http://www.trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?trailname=1689 grace will keep you laughing all the way through :)

I swear up and down to this day that it's entirely unfair that my brother got all the athletic ability in the family on top of curly hair and long eyelashes.

Where's the justice?

I'll be drinking in solidarity with ya Aunt Purl! Let 'em hit tennis and golf balls... it doesn't compare to big ol' glass of wine. :D

A new word, buckwild. I love it! I plan to sprinkle it liberally in all conversations this week. Hopefully, I won't get into too much trouble with my boss. Do cats go buckwild? If so, I have a couple going at it right now (up the stairs, down, slamming into furniture...)

Sign me up for the "I flunked volleyball" club. And buckwild is a favorite word of mine...along with bucknekkid.

I think I'm the only person on the planet to have tripped over, yes I said, Tripped. Over. the tennis net in high school!
Well, to be fair, it wasn't the net, but the rope in-between the net that separated the next net. I was swooping for a ball like the athlete I wasn't, and didn't see the rope (which by the way was out of bounds)....but that didn't stop me! Nope. I went for it, hit the rope, flung myself backwards, hit my head on the pavement and knocked myself out. When I came to in the nurses office, I also found out that I had scrapes and bruises on the underneath parts of my arms, like around the "pit" area! Had to walk with my arms held high for at least 1 week! Talk about humiliation..........did I mention that no one ever asked me to play tennis again, including the PE teacher who thought that perhaps it "wasn't my sport?"

'Nuff said.....I feel your pain!

Amen on the PE thing. One of my darkest moments was when I failed the balance beam in 4th grade.

The prospect of playing tennis with coworkers is scary--but it could be worse. My last company held its summer picnic at a *water park*. Just imagine....

I almost flunked volleyball, too!

In 7th and 8th grades, I had the girls' gym teacher, Mrs. Ferguson (aka the B!tch from hell), who also was the volleyball coach. She hated me from the very first day, and it was quite mutual. She'd give me D's and C's on everything, and I would correct all the typos on her written tests and handouts.

For volleyball, she would make us pair up and then stand on opposite sides of the gym to practice serving to each other. I couldn't do a power serve and so focused on the wimpier version. I was so focused that I hit the teacher in the head (her fault, walking around on the other side like that). She was pissed and almost flunked me for that unit.

The next year, same thing: I beaned her in the head with the ball while trying to learn how to serve. She was really pissed but believed me (again) when I fell to the floor in shame (and laughed my ass off after class).

Of course, I got a detention for cussing rather loudly during a soccer game in her class when the ball went the wrong way from where I was trying to kick it. She laughed and sent me to the showers, but it pretty much summed up my feelings for her class in general.

Let's see--if I remember correctly, in tennis there's 1) hard ground; 2) ball flying through the air (though usually not in the direction I want it flying; and 3) other people swinging around deadly instruments (at least that's what a tennis racket is in these hands). Nope, none of those things rank high on my list of fun stuff. 'Nuf said.

As for P.E. horror stories--I have none. I was in marching band (which counted as P.E. at my school). Now, band geek stories? I got a million of 'em!

I SO UNDERSTAND! I had to take PE in summer school or else I wasnt going to be able to graduate high school! 6 weeks of walking around the track and bowling at the local bowling alley. You would think that after bowling 5 days a week for 6 weeks I would be some bad ass bowler... but you would be wrong. I still cant even bowl. I may have slid part way down the lane a time or two.
Now, I just like that bowling is the one sport you can participate in WHILE drinking. It makes the pain of failure a little easier to bear. And it gives something to blamemylack of skills on. What? My score was only 80? Must be because I'm drunk....

Laurie, I almost failed golf in gym my senior year--I couldn't hit the damn ball, not even once. I cried on the last day of the semester because I thought stupid golf was going to sink my GPA. The gym teacher took pity on me, got a tennis ball and plunked it on the ground in front of me and said "if you can hit this, I'll give a "satisfactory pass" for this semester." Thank god I could at least hit that--straight into the driver's side mirror of the car belonging to the captain of the football team--yep I smashed it to pieces and had to pay him $28 for new glass...

Don't be sucked in by talk of cute little tennins outfits; that racket is HEAVY. What would happen if you strained the arm you use to direct the art?

Our gym teacher got pregnant and subsequently lazy. So, instead of actually thinking up activities or, God forbid, teaching class, she just set up the volleyball nets and told us to have at it. I hate volleyball. I hate most sports, although I've been known to play a mean game of street kickball. I refused to take gym and therefore failed two quarters. Before it could get worse, lazy gym teacher talked to me about it. I said, "I hate volleyball. Fail me if you must, but I won't play". We struck a deal and I got a solid C by painting the girls locker room.

Hmmm, sports equals sweat, sweat equals smelly, smelly equals I'm-never-doing-it-again! LOL! I like your blog by the way :)

Artists vs. MBAs? As if the MBAs would go down to the Kelly Moore and hire someone to play while they suck down the cocktails...

Heck, you should have grown up in CA! After Prop 13 we didn't have PE that required equipment, barely had textbooks...

Ah, yes, sports was never my forte. Remember kickball? And tetherball? and of course the recently resurrected, Dodgeball? which all fall under the category, Easiest Ball Games On The Planet That Even A Second Grader Can Excel In. Yeah, well, I sucked at those too. ROYALLY.

I feel for ya, I really do. Nobody is getting me on a tennis court, driving range, or mini golf course anytime soon either.

But you are a talented knitter! I'd like to see Serena Williams try to go to town with a pair of knitting needles. You'd show her any day.

I had to go to remedial gym. Gifted class, remedial gym. I feel your pain.

P.E. ugh!

What saved me from failing were the A's I earned on the written portions of the units. They tended to balance out the Cs, Ds, and far too frequent Fs. I know what my problem was too, any sport that requires something flying through the air (even soccer) would invariably end up hitting me in the face. NO LIE. Tennis, Soccer, Badmitton, Soft Ball, Football, Basketball, you name it. I'd get hurt and miss most of the rest of the unit because of it, thanks to broken glasses, swollen noses, or eyeballs. (Thank God mom sent me to an all girls HS, is all I'm sayin'. Them were some UGLY times.)

Everyone (including me) was shocked when I found myself excelling at sports with little to no contact on a "good air" day--I did grow up in LA. Smog alerts were Asthma days for me. So running and swimming were great! But not Water Polo, oh no, not that.

In college I Fenced (with the swords). If it was gonna be a "contact" sport, might as well make them MEAN to hit me instead of it being an "accident." All I had to do was avoid being hit! What a concept. As there was no written portion to it, I HAD to do well. I ended up on a team for the first (and last) time in my life...go figure.

Oh man, I knew there must be someone else who sucked at volleyball as bad as I do! I stay away from picnics where I think I'm going to get roped into playing it. Tennis...my dad had been a runner-up to city champion (in a town of 40,000) in tennis in his youth, and he tried and tried to teach me. Poor Dad. I kept missing the ball. (My depth perception sucks too.) It was a big accomplishment when I won one game from him (probably he let me win a few times) and he was in his early 60s then. And I was bad at soccer too--I remember we played it in 9th grade gym class, and they made me be goalie, and I was never quick enough to stop anything. And don't even mention softball or baseball.....it's probably a good thing that I grew up in the 60s and early 70s when girls didn't do sports as much as now, or I would have been considered even more of a dork than I already was!

You're not alone, girl. My best sport is the one where you put one foot in front of the other. Y'know, the walking one. I'm reeeeally good with walking. But other sports? I suck and I got a C in volleyball but only because they felt sorry for me. I think. Or maybe they just never wanted me to come back. I wouldn't be surprised.

Anyways, booze is bad, so is sports, keep on a-knitting, that'll make everything okay.

I was also very smart and very unathletic. These days, I lift some light weights and stick to the stationary bike or treadmill. Don't ask me to play volleyball where everyone is taller and diving at me to take it away. Honey, knitting is all about coordination and you're not going to get seriously injured unless you're barefooted when you drop that wineglass!
I used to work at a radio station and the boss was all about taking the boys out on the racketball court and abusing them. He couldn't do that with a little girl like me, so he got rid of me. But I can knit, crochet, sew, quilt, embroider and do lots of stuff he can't do. He's probably had a stroke from all that anger and I'm just knitting away!
Tell you what, honey. You just challenge them to some pool and wear a nice low cut top and flounce past them in your tennis skirt and watch them scratch!

I remember playing tennis with a girlfriend when I was about 16 or 17. There were some guys nearby laughing at us. Suffice it to say that I haven't played since!
Glad to see that there are so many of us unathletic people out here.

Well hey, Sister Klutz! Fellow sports-disabled person here. In tenth grade I decided I was going to play something if it killed me. I picked lacrosse, and it almost did. The best accident was the time I ran into a tree and tore my face and neck up from eyebrow to collarbone. Ahem. And volleyball just plain scares me. I hate it. Nowadays I stick to yoga (not a sport really, but I still manage to look stupid doing it), but avoid the headstands.

Tennis, oh boy! You will never think about tennis the same way if you ever have to watch the sex-ed video my daughter's Catholic High School showed her. It started off with a family, picnicing nekkid on a rug, with strategically placed picnic articles. All of them with frightfully frightfully English accents, circa 1950. And then, Mother asks the family, "anyone for tennis?" and they rise and gaily trot off to play tennis, all the while nekkid!!! At which point the Biology teacher turned off the tape and declared she was not watching any more off that, thank you very much. So much for sex-ed, and tennis! Tennis is now synonymous with nekkid outdoorsy sex in this household.

WEAR A SPORTS BRA...thats all you need.

I was the PRACTICE DUMMY for high school football.The only reason I passed PE for college was because they gave me credit for BASIC TRAINING.

Perhaps we are related. When I was in high school (a school that required sports participation all 3 season even for non-athletic straight-A students like myself) I actually made co-captain of the volleyball team (all the good kids graduated). And my dad (possibly your uncle) said with a smile, after my particularly non-stellar performance in a game, "That's all right. You got all the brains. Your brother got all the athletic talent." And then he was surprised that I was offended.

The important thing is that good athletes end up with bad knees. We stay smart.

The best form of tennis is one that doesn't involve rules. That means that if like me, you can only serve the ball over the 30' high net surrounding all the court or into the net between the sides of the court it doesn't matter.
But I can catch balls these days. Only took 30 years before I was able to catch....
I wonder if brains and lack of coordination/athletic ability go together? Very few of my geeky friend are exactly top athletes.

Another uncoordinated smart person here...my pet peeve is that they make the smart kids pretend that they don't know the "bluebirds" are the dummies during class time, but get into PE and they don't have any reluctance to let the dumb jocks persecute the smart uncoordinated kids! Can you tell I'm another one who always always A.L.W.A.Y.S. was picked last??

Heh, I can top ya'll *g* in 10th grade I had the whole school in an uproar over volleyball... or rather my total lack of skill with it. I was so bad, one of the girls on my team wanted to beat my ass, literally to a pulp. She was much bigger than me and quite a tough chick. Well, the entire school set about protecting and defending my ass. At one point, the toughest girl in school ended up pulling a knife on the volleyball chick after she had me shoved up against a locker and was about to pummel me. After that, things died down, but you know it was the only time all the cliques were ever united over anything. Everyone from the preppies to the stoners to the various other cliques. All over lil old me, and I still don't understand why!

I stepped on a toothpick once, driving it two inches into my foot and requiring one ambulance, two firefighters, a stretcher and a visit to the er. That wasn't even considered walking, just stepping.

On the other hand, I have NEVER hurt myself knitting.

Enough said.

You really touched a nerve with this one! I don't do well with any activity that involves a ball hurtling toward me at speed - obviously, one should duck, no? It makes me an amusing, if ineffectual, tennis player. I have a fair number of bad Phys Ed memories (willfully stomping on the last birdie so we could be done with badminton, going home with marks on my face from those damned red rubber balls for bombardament, being gleeful about getting mono so I could miss several months of PE, etc).

But my brother has a good tale of PE horror from community college. He was taking Social Dance. It was winter, and being a poor college student, he was wearing crappy deck shoes that had a loose sole. As he walked across our icy deck, he slipped. The sole of his shoe got caught between the boards, and he broke his little toe. Insignificant as a little toe his, he couldn't dance, so the teacher made him drop out of Social Dance. Fast forward a few years - he'd transferred to a 4-year college and was getting ready to graduate. Turns out he was missing 1/3 of a PE credit because of dropping Social Dance, and had to go through a long and embarassing petition proccess to get that requirement waived so he could graduate.

Bwah-hah,hah! We seem to have created a clique of geeky, smart, knitting non-tennis players! I can top that. Seriously traumatized by dodge ball in elementary school (and I still remember the name of the big bully girl who creamed me), I went on to further failure in jr high and high school, where I was put in "adaptive P.E." due to my severe asthma. Thanks, asthma! The only good thing you ever did for me! There were only three others in the class. The sports we got were . . . drumroll please: golf! And archery! And I discovered I loved both of them, and no running!

This is one of my favorite entries ever. Just so you know, I failed art. AND am not sporty...so that leaves me with: being the bad-ass in economics. Oh-so-hot, no?

But I like golf. And pretended to play rubgy (Hey, it's a sport that NEEDS fat kids!)...

And, we went to the Hill County Cafe. I loved it! Thanks for the recommendation!

Dang. I thought I was bad. Even though I hit myself in the back of the head with the tennis racquet in PE, I didn't fail. Only got a headache.

I suck at tennis. I guess I try to hold the racquet like a knitting needle. Who knows... I'm just a dizzy ass queen.

I do know for sure, that when I was younger, I had lots of stamina and could participate in long distance running. But now, I just end up smoking too much and have to stop and take a breather when I get up from the couch too fast.

Love your blog and your writing..... :)

I too was in the "gifted" academic classes, but placed in adaptive PE because I couldn't run, due to a minor medical issue. However, the stupid doctor did indicate that I could wrestle.

Ugh!

Imagine having to smell someone's armpit (or worse!) as you attempt to learn all the various "drills" required to pass wrestling class ("Near ankle, far leg! Far leg, near ankle.")

Translation: You had to grab sweaty members of your own sex (Why were girls exempt from wrestling?) and then spend the next three minutes rolling around on the padded floor with them. I never scored a single "point" while trying (failing?) to wrestle, and I think that is a Good Thing.

Dante's third ring of Hell must be full of gym teachers. It it isn't, then it should be.

I feel you! I'm mediocre at tennis, probably because I have no time to play (see law school rants on my blog). My evil athletic experiences are all about running track. See, my freshman year of high school, I had this horrible psycho track coach with Olympic aspirations. He decided he was would turn me into the next FloJo. He overtrained all of us - we used to run laps at the track till we threw up and then he would make us run some more.

I developed a raging case of shinsplints, plus I became anemic from the overtraining. My shins actually burned with pain, which was scary. I spent the summer after freshman year with ice bags on my shins, taking ibuprofen horse pills and crying.

There is no known sport I'm not so bad at that I end up being an unintended operative for the opponent. Thus, I never try playing any sport as the result. Why do gym teachers insist on teaching the lesson that if you are not good at sports you don't play? That was the only thing I learned in gym class. No wonder why we have an obesity problem! (fast food don't help)

This is cool, you have to try it. I guessed 42336, and this game guessed it! See it here - http://www.funbrain.com/guess/