I love you, Laurie. And we'll have a great Christmas this year, sans (ha! sans!) 80 pounds of the ghost of Christmas past.

Think of all the vacation-worthy crap that can be bought with the Christmas stuff yard-sale cash.

And I'm so proud of you for making your way through it all!

Oh Jennifer. I love you. sniffle. made me cry into my shiraz.

Two years ago, a friend of mine's 6 year old died. She couldn't stand to look at all of his clothes and toys anymore so she took them to our local women's shelter. I guess it is the smaller, local groups that get neglected near the holidays because people give to the "big name" charities. There are also programs with some hospice groups that collect toys to give to children whose parents have recently past away. Those might be good ideas for the Barbies.

I'm glad to see you are exorcizing Christmas Past. Hopefully it helps to know that countless, faceless (possibly neurotic) strangers are supporting you from afar. :)

Kristy, that's a great point. Exactly! I'd like to find a local place. Small, with kids who want to hug onto a "solo in the Spotlight" Barbie ... I have a big Barbie Christmas tree, too.

and thank you :) thank you more than you know!

My suggestion: when you send that box full of his ornaments, throw in a few Christmas-related pictures or of trips you took together. Don't let him walk away from such a long relationship leaving you holding all the reminders. Let him share in the joy a bit and remind him that divorce shouldn't be so easy for one partner and so hard for the other. Just politely tell him that you didn't have any use for those pictures anymore, and it seemed a shame to throw them out if he could possibly want them. He may be happy in his new life, but a little reminder for his guilty conscience wouldn't be bad, would it?

Have a great weekend! And I'm sure he has herpes. My ex got a raging case of genital warts and SARS I believe...

I think giving those dolls to local children will make you smile for years! Good for you for being ready to face letting go of some of those reminders! Have a good weekend. Jane

Turning sadness into joy! What better thing to do with all those Barbies. And yard saling the Christmas junk - 7 whole bins of it! OH MY WORD - I thought I was a sad suck for Chrissie decorations! My 1960s tinsel tree is one of my most precious possessions.
Exorcise those christmas demons. What better way to exorcise the ghosts of Christmas past?
You are welcome to Christmas at our place but unless you make a LOT of money out of the yard sale, I'm guessing you won't be able to make it.... pity. It'd be fun!

let roy shit in the christmas box that you send back -- just a little poo -- nothing too horrific

Good for you. But find someone sick with a really nasty cold and have them sneeze in it a few times before you seal the box up!

As for charities, Ro at onesmallthing.org might be able to help you find one.

If you can't find a local charity to give the dolls to Sell them on Ebay and give the money to a desrving cause instead

oh Laurie... think of all the good Karma that will return to you for wanting to do such an awesome thing for those kids.

Good luck with the Christmas decor.. Just think how much fun you'll have shopping for new stuff that YOU like, without having to wonder if someone else well. And you know you can knit stuff for you tree too right?

Coming out of lurkdon to offer a warning. If you take the dolls to a big charity. Like the one that begins with a G and ends with will. They will cherry pick out the good stuff and sell it for cash on the web or at a special sale and it will still end up on ebay. No child will ever see those dolls. A lot of amaller charites will do the same, put them for sale in their thrift show and some evil doll hunter who trolls thrift stores will find them and sell them for 100 times what he paid on ebay.

It is better to find a charity where you can directly donate to the needy children or families. I know a lot of churches and corporations have "adopt a family" programs over the holidays and all of the gifts are taken to

Ok, my last post got cut off. My cat bumped my elbow, I swear.

Good luck. I did the post breakup christmas ornament sort myself a few years back. Letting some of that stuff go actually feels good.

Hi! I'm here everyday, alone on the internets weekends. I'm glad that you are cleaning out the debris of your relationship and turning some of it into a positive experience. Your best revenge is being a better person than he was... some child will bring the love back to those barbies! Hang in there, you have a good heart and I know you can get through this stage. Christmas is waiting for you.

The holidays suck. I hate that we start getting all sorts of ads that show perfect, happy families, when so few of us have those. It's like they're trying to hurt us to make us buy more or something.

Pick out the ones you really like (and keep the good stuff, even if it was for your married life--my stepmom did, and it always pissed off her ex) and chuck the rest. That's so liberating! Won't it make the holidays feel better without that weight?

Maybe you could auction off the Barbies on e-Bay and then give all that money to a local children's group or to the Humane Society. It's not that kids shouldn't play with them, it's that they probably wouldn't. Most charities would sell them off for the cash, as cash is what they need most. You wouldn't have to sell all of them and could put a few in the Toys for Tots bins.

You are a strong, amazing woman, Laurie. I read your blog obsessively, and I'm always amazed at how you handle everything with humor and grace. May you be truly blessed this holiday season.

If your local children's hospital has a Ronald MacDonald House, this would be an excellent place to donate to the Barbies. RMH provides a place for families to stay while their seriously ill children are hospitalized and they have large playrooms and libraries for the siblings. New items (like your dolls) are sometimes kept aside as gifts for siblings who need something special of their own at such a difficult family time. Wonderful organization.

My aunt sold her collection of Barbies on ebay a couple years ago - there is serious money to be made there. Think how many more Barbies and how many more kids could get one with the money from those sales. Break it down into numbers - you could donate 20 cool Barbies making 20 kids happy, or 200 "regular" Barbies making 200 kids happy. (Numbers chosen at random, but I'm sure you see where I'm going with that.)

Laurie,
I've been through a divorce after ten years as well. I have two little boys from that marriage and our first year alone after their dad left us, we threw away all of the old Christmas decorations except the ones that were bought each year for them, and we went out and bought all new. New bulbs, new lights, a gorgeous porcelain angel for the top of the tree (my ex always had to have a star, which was ironic because he is an anthiest!).

I know that throwing things away seems wasteful and people could use your lovely items, but...for me? throwing things right in the dumpster seemed cathartic in a very weird way. I didn't want to infect anyone else with our bad karma.

As for Barbies? Do you have a Ronald McDonald house near you? They are such a wonderful charity.

I love your blog, read it first every day, and know that you will be fine. Make some new traditions, they'll make you feel better.

Ok I'm a big sap but when you said that you wanted to give th Barbies to a real kid that will play with them to redeem your shriveled heart I got a lump--no, a BOULDER in my throat. Sometimes you need to do stuff like that to feel better.

Ebay, charity, homeless kid on the corner--it would all do good for someone. Do what inflates that heart that we all know has not dried up and blown away (I mean, you are not kicking the cats yet, you must have some shred of humanhood left right?)

I would love it if you were serving Testicle Salad --courtesy of Mr. X. I'd pay just to see them on a plate. Send Soba to harvest his balls! THAT DISH would be a real hit at Snb!

Laurie, that post was so moving. I'm sitting here sniffling into my coffee. I too, wonder how my husband can walk away from everything of the last 27 years with just his clothes and golf clubs. It defies all logic.

You're right, you don't really hate him. You hate what he's done. So send him the ornaments and take the higher road. Note or no note, pictures or no pictures, the fact that you would send them to him instead of trashing them will be reminder enough of what a great person he chose to hurt.

I think using the Barbies for charity is a great idea. I like what Beth said. Perhaps you could find someone who would help you sell them so the cash could be used to buy gameboys and such?

Have a beautiful Saturday, Laurie. I'm always impressed at how far you have come with your new life.

Oh Laurie, I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Mr X is a dork but you aren't. Send him his holiday stuff and you will be free. Get new stuff that you love. And is cat friendly. My cat ate part of the garland last year, which made for a very colorful litter box. But seemed to do him no harm.
About the Barbie dolls, either a shelter or you could call a church and see if they have a giving tree. Churches do not usually resell donated gifts. My church even fills holiday stockings for kids. We gift older kids too. Cause who feels the lack of a present more, a 16yr old or a 3yr old.
Whatever you decide to do with them, I am sure you will be glad not to have to tote them around anymore. Each year will ease up a bit as you create your own holiday routine. I do detest the commercial view that we are all happy smiling campers cause the holidays are on us, and we bleed money into their greedy paws.
How are your fuzzy feet going? Tinsel cuffs anyone?
Suzann

Laurie you always touch me with your posts, because even though you are laughing and making us laugh, you are still hurting in side. Time is passing and christmases will come and christmases will go. I am dealing with the first one without my mother this year, and she was practically MRS. SANTA CLAUS. But our lives do go on with or without those we love. You have lots of people who love you out here -- and I for one was glad to see you post on a Saturday, because my weekends are lonely without you.

Laurie, this is a truly touching post and I know how you feel about moving on from your ex as I've been there and done that too. Do box up those old ornaments that are his and send them to him, it's the right thing to do. When my ex and I split up, I had all the wedding pictures and I went through all of them and separated the duplicates and sent him his half, although I did send a letter asking him to not contact me again, but I had to do that and wished him well in his new life. He was the one that wanted the divorce, but the one that regretted it most in the end. Why? B/c I know I am a wonderful person who gave my all in our relationship. If he couldn't deal with that for the long-term, and he had his own issues, I had to let that go and move on with my life. Now I've truly met the love of my life and I know that I have the best relationship I've ever had. Living a good and full life is the best revenge and the best thing you can do for yourself. Have no regrets. Life happens and you have to deal with the fallout the best way you know how. But you get stronger and all the holidays don't hurt as much and after awhile, those memories you shared with your ex are memories, that you can even look upon fondly, b/c it was a part of your life and a part of you. You can't change that, but you can change yourself and how you handle things. You are getting stronger every day, I can tell. Keep your head up and keep moving on. 29 days and counting you will be a free woman again. Just be ready for a bit of heartache and sadness when the day actually arrives. Take care and sorry for the book.

Around the Holidays there are organizations that take New in Box toys and give them to needy children. I think a few of the Fire Departments and the radio stations do it in our area. I just found the website for Toys for Tots. Sorry, don't know if all the toys go directly to the kids. http://www.toysfortots.org/home/ Either way you go (giving directly or selling and donating) will be so cool! Take care, Tori

What a delight to find a weekend post. Thank you. I thoroughly enjoy reading you and I don't even know how to knit. Now that's great authorship.

As for me, I wouldn't waste my time and money sending butthole anything, but if you do, wouldn't it be a shame if you dropped the package several times before mailing it.

I wouldn't just give the valuable ones away to kids. The way I'd think about it is that if you did sell them, you could buy more new-in-box toys to give to the kids who don't really care if it's a collectors edition or not.

But I'd keep the expensive ones as a bit of an investment. 10 years from now, you could sell them and go on a little trip, buy some really nice yarn, or something else that would be making lemonade out of lemons. One of the things that I learned from my divorce was that it's better for me to buy the things I want than to sit around hoping that the guy in my life will do it for me.

Good luck on the holidays! It looks like you have more good friends around you to share it with than many I've-devoted-myself-to-my-man "good wives" do, anyhow!

Rowena

good for you! I'd look in the phone book or call your ob/gyn's office for a number to a local domestic abuse shelter. Seems to me that it would be a good way to use the bad from your marriage to help heal wounds from other bad partnerships-kind of a circle of life thing.

oh Laurie. You are a stronger woman than I. Good luck dealing with Christmas.

Ugh. I wish you well in this. I know it can be unpleasant. Wine helps. And just think of all the yarn you can keep in seven green Rubbermaid tubs! (Rubbermaid...does this conjure up a weird visual for anyone else?)

God, you're strong! I don't even bother putting up Christmas stuff anymore since my brother died one Christmas, and here you are putting up a tree an' all. Just keep in mind, the first one is the hardest - yeah, I know it's not the first really, but it's the first as A DIVORCEE. Now, doesn't that sound romantic and mysterious? Sort of like a trench coat, spike heels and a cigarette holder on a misty Paris night? Bonne chance et Joyeux Noel, chere amie.

I definitely think the Barbies should be given to kids who will play with them. It's a much better end for them. My mom is the president of the only (!) women's shelter in New Mexico, so if you want to send some to the kids out there, let me know and I'll get the address for you. There really is something magical about Barbies when you're a little girl (even when you were a tomboy feminist little girl like me -- my Barbie owned a nightclub).

Also, you have so much love in your life -- family, friends old and new, animals -- that this will be the Best Chrismukkah Season Ever. At least until next year. :)

Can you send him the ornaments C.O.D.?

I love the letter you want to write to Mr. X, and sort of wish you would do it. :) But I understand why you won't. In fact, it's probably a bigger kick in the teeth to just send him a box of old Christmas ornaments with no explanation. Let him squirm. Ha! My sense of vengeance is overdeveloped today!

Love you, darlin.

I like the thought of a shelter. My mom used one in her 60s my dad was abusive. they are now divorced. Being a child and watching your mom get the shit kick out of her is very painful. I am with a beautiful man. Those kids could use all the kindness anyone has to offer. By the way why pay for shipping his ****.

Hey, I'm still here! I'm so glad that you can finally tackle the stuff. I can't imagine how hard that must be. But we're all there with you. Well, not really, but you know. Yeah :)

Hugs to you as you deal with the past. It is not easy. Let it all go. You have a huge family of friends around you who will be there when you need them.
As for sending things to the x ... you don't need the connection anymore, you have a full and wonderful new life ... let it go.
And starting new traditions really helped me get through times of loss. Pick some good one, include your loved ones, keep making that new life.

How about St Jude's Hospital or any of the Ronald McDonald houses? As a former inmate of a crippled children's home run by the Elks, I can tell you that they would be appreciated. If you don't know any of the RMcD houses, I know the manager of the one in Minneapolis. I am sure she can give me the address of the one in the LA area.

I realize the gesture of giving away the actual Barbies Mr X gave you may be much more satisfying, but I think the idea of selling them and using that money to help many more kids - even with non-collectible Barbies - is the way you should go. If you can't stand the idea of the eBay hassle, I've recently seen that there are places that will do the selling for you; or perhaps one of your SnB friends either is a regular seller or knows one.

I'm with Kristy on the suggestion of women's shelters. I used to work at one. Often when the women show up, they have very little for themselves or their children. The Barbies will be greatly appreciated there.

There are also organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters and the Boys and Girls Clubs that host holiday parties for the kids in their programs. Once more they would probably be ecstatic over the donation.

I'm with the "sell the valuable ones and donate for new toys" crowd.

I also think COD is the way to send the ornaments...

That is: include one small piece of COD in the box. Seal well.

Merry Christmas y'all.

There are also charities that help families with someone in prison stay connected. They collect toys for the prisoners to give to their children for Christmas. I know people want to lock 'm up and throw away the key, but prisoners who maintain a bond with their kids are far less likely to reoffend, and the kids are less messed up to. It must really suck to have a parent in prison.

On a lighter note, I had an elderly aunt who lived near a Marine base, and she collected enough toys each year, that they sent a "nice young Marine" each year to pick them up for Toys for Tots. She always roped the poor guy into having cookies with her. Don't know if this would work in your area. She didn't drive, either.

Toys for Tots! And perfect timing too.

Sell those Barbies, girl. Who is more deserving of a fabulous vacation or shopping spree than you are? I sold an old junker car that came with allot of emotional baggage tied to it after my divorce and used the money to have the diamond from my engagement ring reset. There was so much symbolism involved with both getting rid of the car and my wedding ring. Sell those Barbies and if nothing else, save the money for a rainy day. If you ever need emergency dental workor car repairs, you can think about Mr. X actually paying for it. Jackass.
Brenda in Iowa.

Mmmmmm...nice young Marines and cookies...mmmmm...

Laurie, You are the best! Donate those Barbie's to a small group. A little girl will always remember it. You'll make her Christmas and, that will make your's. As for you "ex" Sweetie, you are SO much better off without him. You'll see that one day. And, you'll get your revenge when, he see's that he's made a HUGE mistake in letting you go. Then, you can just shake your tail feathers at him while you're waving.."ta-ta"...loser...with a raging case of herpes. I'm lifting a glass of Chard to you. Keep up the good work. YOU ROCK!

One more thing. Take a lover. Knitting can only take you so far.

dear laurie,
i've been reading for about six months, and after today's post, I just want to say, you are my hero. Am in a happy relationship now, but your posts remind me of past heartaches, and make me more honest about who i am. thank you so much for your honesty - every day you make me laugh or cry. either way, its good!

Hi Laurie.
I hate to say this, really I do. Unfortunately, I've been poor most of my life. My children do not recieve toys from charity organizations, we've always been able to manage, but a lot of people in the communities that I have lived in during my life did accept gifts. The thing is, yeah, they were greatly appreciated, but if it was something nice, the parents frequently exchanged it or sold it and used the money on something else. Not everyone, but a good portion of them did. Sometimes it was on necessities like winter coats or shoes that fit, but other times it was on beer and other, worse, things. I remember one year someone knocking on my door, drunk, wanting to trade a game boy for a case of beer. Asshole. Anyway, I really would suggest selling them if you no longer want them, and donating the money. As much as you'd like to think of a bunch of little girls loving your toys, I don't necessarily think that would happen. Most likely the toys would be picked out and sold, taken home to the workers children (yes, that does happen) taken away from the kids, or something else to abuse your generosity.
If you just want to get rid of them, go for it, but if you want to help, my personal, not so humble opinion would be donate the cash.

Hello, sweet Laurie...... My personal feeling is to side with those who suggest selling the Barbies on E-Bay or some other auction venue and donating the money to charity. Or use the money from the auction to anonymously fund the holiday for a couple of families you can find through your local Dept of Family Services. I've done that in the past - you get the ages & sex of the family members and a few special wishes and everybody's sizes, and go shopping! And Wrapping! It's great fun and you feel good knowing these are local people and you were able to provide something they wouldn't get any other way.

I love you. You're a kind, generous woman who has grown so much in the past year. And I love your cats too........

hugs

Laurie,
Such a sweety. You are always welcome to partake in our own ghetto Christmas on the East Coast.

And of course Mr. X has the herps. I, personally, am a big believer in wishing gonorrhea on those who I dislike. I figure, it's a little easier on my karma if it's something curable.

:)

I have to agree that if the dolls are rare and valuable they will most likely not be given to the kids or the dolls might even be stolen from them by someone who recognizes the value.

Sell 'em on Ebay...then use the money to buy something pretty. For yourself, not the cats. Not that they don't deserve pretty things, but give yourself a treat!

Toys for Tots is a great charity:
http://www.toysfortots.org/home/

Dear Laurie,
I just wanted to chime in with everyone in telling you - "YOU ARE A COURAGEOUS, GOOD, GOOD PERSON!!!!" and whatever makes you feel less sad, Do It! Even if it means pulling those collector babes out of their boxes so they can't be sold & personally giving each little girl that comes to your yard sale a doll to play with (just so YOU know that the little girl gets it) - well, you just do whatever feels right & true to yourself. Keep hangin' in there thru the holidays - they may be rough; but we're all rooting for you! My divorce was finalized on Dec 20th, 15 years ago - I thought my heart would break in 2; but it really was only a crack, that mended & became stronger. When I look at old photos,(I have kids, so I couldn't toss their memories) - I trace the outline of the scar - but it's just a souvenir of a trip taken long ago. Someday yours will be mended, too. You're just starting to stitch it together now.
Sincere best wishes from one of your many fans.

I divorced after 27 years, and ex found a 19 year old to help him through the "tough' time.I was 52, he was 62. At that time he gave me the best gift he ever gave me. He said, "Don't look back". After that it was much easier. I threw out anything that belonged to him, started figuring out who I was, what I liked, and I never looked back. Start being a little selfish. I think you are way too nice, sending him his things. Hello...... he left them, remember? As for the Barbies, sell them on Ebay and then do whatever you want with the cash. Love your Blog.

OK, so this is a little weird, giving personal, friendlike advice on a public forum to one who is essentially a stranger (well, not really after reading all your lovely writing.) But, welcome to the 21st century. Anyhow, to the point. Lived with now ex-boyfriend for 10 years. One day, woke up to morose soon to be ex-boyfriend who finally admitted he 'couldn't do this anymore because he was in love with someone else'. Anyhow, ugly, sad, painful..... So, at 30-something I moved in with my parents (UGH! Loser!) for four months to recreate my life. About four months after I got on my feet and out of the house, my dad died. We were really close. OK, is this is sad story of a string of pain? No. I realized that breakup made it possible for me to spend time with my dad when I had little time left with him. And eventually for me to meet Mr. Right. And to set many things right in my world. And I remember the holidays being a major turning point in this realization. Get rid of the crap, free yourself from the tyranny of possessions! Start new traditions and keep those you like. It's all about you! Yay you!
(May I suggest that you make a great deal of writing part of those new traditions :-) [published, of course])

I suppose I've not been reading you that long, Laurie, only since... May, maybe? (Though I've looked at your archives as well.) Anyways. In the time I've been reading your blog, I've come to have quite a bit of respect for you. Even in the last 5 months, the way you talk about your ex and your marriage has changed quite a bit. I feel lucky to have been able to share (even in this voyeuristic way) the way you have been finding yourself through this experience. I'm sorry you had tho go through it, but you really shine.

That was *not* as eloquent as I had hoped, but I've had your entry open all day while I tried to think of the right way to say it, and that's the best I've come up with so far. :)

xox

Laurie, Laurie, Laurie. I've read all the nicy-nice comments saying you're doing the right, decent, kind thing by sending Mr. X the ornaments. True. It would be exceptionally kind and considerate of you to do so. HOWEVER. Gotta tell ya... I say Fuck'im! Maybe that's mean, maybe it's bitchy, maybe it's the Jersey in me coming out. But I honestly don't think he deserves your generosity or kindness at this point. If it were me, I'd take all his pretty, twinkly, festive ornaments and haul 'em down to the nearest women's shelter/family crisis shelter and brighten the place up for the holidays.

On the Barbies, I'd go with the Ronald McDonald house suggestions. Can't beat that with a stick.

Love your blog, have only been reading a short time but I must confess, I've gone back and read ALL your archived posts. Ok, I'm now officially stalking you.

Cheers to you! What doesn't kill ya only makes you stronger!

If you have a French maid S&M Barbie can I have it????

Ummm...nevermind (that was totally inappropriate. But who cares, no one reads this anyway....hahahhahah...right...that's why there are 50 odd comments in front of me!!)

Laurie - don't think Mr. X hasn't looked back in regret - isn't he the one who went and got a new girlfriend right away? that's not healing - that's finding a replacement because he can't face what he did. I feel sorry for the new girl. You however, have grown stronger - pain makes us stronger and the more MR. X puts off feeling pain, the weaker he gets. As for the ornaments, it you feel you need to return them, my suggestion is this: send only the ornaments, no note or explanation because a - he's not worth your effort and b - it will make him think. He'll never know why you did it and I'm sure that will make him a little introspective and probably a little crazy - but you still get to take the high road. Good luck whatever you decide to do!

My ex did the same thing - walked out and bought all new stuff, and I still haven't sorted through everything. He's now on his 8th girlfriend or so - this one is his ex-best friend's wife. Time makes it easier to not feel like it was my fault, or like there was anything I could have done. But I also think, was he like that when I was with him? Was I with a totally shallow, self-centered jerk and I just didn't see it? I think his jerk-ness has grown since we split up. Be glad you didn't have kids - I'm having to watch him be a horrible role model to our wonderful son.

Sorting through the Christmas things is SO hard, isn't it? The high road is good. And you get to collect new ornaments now.

Take the dolls to a local fire department. They'll be happy to have them to share at christmas time! I did that with hundreds of beanie babies, and it's nice knowing that kids got to enjoy them, instead of them gathering dust in my closet.

there you go again, pretending you ain't cute. I mean, please. Please, please, please. Lots of girls are cuter, but those girls are mostly half yuor age and twice your bullshit.

Mr. X surely doesn't know what he missing out on. You are a beautiful and courageous woman and you have a ton of internet friends(both of them;o)to help you get through the sad times. Hang in there.

Sincerely,
Ariane "the new reader"

Hon,

Clean all that stuff out of your house (not just xmas stuff--anything that gives your pain) and sell it on Ebay to the highest bidder. Then give half of it to charity (personally I would give it to a organization helping pets) and put the rest of it in a savings account. Keep adding just a little at a time to that savings account and take a kick-a@@ vacation in a year or two.

Then go out and buy yourself some new decorations that are for YOU and decorate the heck out of your house.

oh, purl!

just like everyone else here, i just adore you. feel like i know you, feel like i love you.

this post = me s-o-b-b-i-n-g.

your smart, sweet fans have offered lots of good advice. i don't have anything to add, other than that i know how it feels. i ended up throwing out a LOT of stuff, but keeping the "important" things. and then i gave those important things to my sister, for her home. it may seem a little weird, but i figured that way, they'd still be around and part of my holidays just not in the same way. it was a way to recognize that those ornaments and decorations are meaningful -- they were a part of my life -- but they have a different meaning now.

and of course, i have all new stuff. and you know the best part about that? the ornaments i bought myself for the first year i was alone are the NEW special ornaments to me. you know?

i envision myself ten years from now saying to my kids, "oh, that's an ornament mommy bought herself when she first moved to san francisco. what? yes, i know it's ugly but it's going on the damn tree anyway..."

I'm with Theresa -- turn those memories into emotion-free cash, give half of it away to charity, and save the rest for yourself. But only if it's quick & painless. I'm for getting it out of the house ASAP.

And you don't have to hate Mr. X -- it's a psychic burden to hate him. For you, that is. The rest of us can hate him very well with no emotional toll, leaving you footloose and fancy-free, with lovely modernist clean house and happy cats and savings account.

And apparently there's a clutter-free wavelength at the moment -- found this link (http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/morford/) at Bossy Little Dog. As I prepare for a move I'm decluttering, but at the moment I'd really like to de-clutter my lungs and sinuses.

Your post was very moving and touching. Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and heart felt.

I hope your weekend of boxing up and sorting through your Christmas bins was healing and reaffirming and not sad and depressing.

If I could I would send you a virtual hug and say good job!

Suggestion re barbie, if they are collectables, sell them, and use the funds to purchase lots of different toys for the kids. This will keep lots more people happy. The collectors will get beautiful pristine dolls for christmas, and the kids will get diverse playable toys. Also, you'll get to go on an exciting shopping expedition!

Good on you Laurie to do this, moving on takes many many forms, and starting your own new traditions is important. One of my moving on traditions is having Christmas Eve dinner (an excellent way of splitting the day up for the kids) and I've always made a point of buying 1kg of fresh cherries (big seasonal treat in NZ) every Christmas, its a little thing, but now that I'm in an awesome new relationship, it means more to me to have my own traditions.

loving reading your blog!
bye
genny

Send back the ornaments with some detailed instructions for shoving them up his ass.

For me, Christmas is for getting through as quickly as possible, with as little pain (or family) as possible.

The best Christmas I ever had was after I moved out of home - me, my boyfriend and housemates dropped acid and watch Return of the Jedi. It was special.

Release the Barbies. Choose the method that lightens the load on your heart. Do not get caught up in the "perfect" way to do it. Just choose a way that gives you joy and walk away.

I found help in recovering from a terrible, hurtful relationship like this by reading Forgive for Good by Fred Luskin. It is time to heal and move on. The best revenge is living well. Live well honey, live well.

you could bring them to a boys and girls club, or a children's hospital.

on the other hand, there's really nothing wrong with being a little selfish and skimming the lot for a few to sell on ebay. you could use the money for yarn and wine. the last gift that jerk will give you!

and i hope you are embarrassed about that whole "all two of you" comment. clearly your Maths are all screwy.

::sob:: Here I was crying in my singleton soon to be soup, and there you are. And now I am worried about the Christmas ornaments we travelled around the world buying together. Take care. As I said in the last email, what would I do without you to make me know at least I am not crazy.

PS-=-send the letter.

If you were in the UK, I'd suggest Great Ormond Street Hospital: but, there must be a children's hospital or hospice near you that would love them.

And, if you can't find anywhere, then put them on Ebay, and give the money you receive to a children's charity?

If I get my act together, I'll make you a Christmas Decoration (I do like reading your blog). But, let me get Christmas #1 with the Brownies out the way this weekend first?

~x~

The Barbies -- you said they are still in their boxes? The Marines make a grand effort of collecting toys every year for underprivelaged kids. I'm quite sure they can find good homes for these dolls.

And I too was divorced and having to face a Christmas -- and the Christmas after. A couple of friends and I got together, had a great meal, a few great bottles of wine, and a smashing party.

We smashed old dinnerware that I just couldn't stand, glassware with too many memories attached, and Christmas ornaments that just weren't meant to stick around. It was sort of like watching all the bad stuff being released when each item was broken.

Of course clean up the next day was a bit painful -- we toasted each drifting memory -- but well worth the evening!

Laurie - don't have time to read comments - so forgive me if I dupe.

A - I have that same tree and love it to pieces - please show pics of the ornaments?

B - Toys for Tots, toys stay local, and its run by Marines - usually in uniform!

April

I'd go with the Toys for Tots and the nice Marine. Maybe instead of cookies he'll stay for a nice glass of red (and the blonde that goes with it)!

Now that I think about it, I think firefighters collect toys, too. I'm SURE they do. And they need brownies.

No real comments on charity suggestions; you've already gotten some really good ones.

As for your ex--rest assured that Karma WILL take care of him. She's a real b!tch and it will not be pretty. Unfortunately, you can't know when it will happen so you can be a fly on the wall and gloat. I know I wish I could have been one for my past romances and divorce.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. It does eventually get better.
:)

Laurie, you are very impressive. I completely am with you on the stockings, and what they represent. I threw my ex's away. And yes, I made it.

I don't have the time to read the suggestions for a charity, and I really hate to sound like a grinch, but I am going to say this anyway:

I think it is lovely that you want to give the Barbies to children. However, I think: a.) if you give them to a charity, someone at the charity will swipe them and auction them themselves; and b.) if YOU auction them, you can maybe make enough money for a very nice donation, and perhaps a little for yourself to help pay off some debt.

Maybe I'm not as sweet as you, but you might want to look at it that way. It doesn't mean you won't redeem your shrivelled heart. It just means that maybe you can help others AND yourself in a more meaningful way, while still getting rid of the Barbies that Mr. Herpes-o-rama gave you.

I would second the suggestion about the children's hospital. You could probably even go and hand the Barbies out yourself, which would be nice. I don't like Christmas either, but chin up, I just heard a radio announcer say that St. Patrick's Day is only 4 months away. I kid you not. Erin go Bragh!

Because you need even more suggestions for your Barbie dolls; I am a part of the local VFW, and about once a year we get called on by the local fire and police departments to have a teddy bear drive. They keep a stuffed animal or two in their trunks to help calm down children distressed by accidents, fires, or domestic violence. There is no middle man. You can just drop them off at your local Fire/Police departments for this use.

Also, forget about selling or throwing out those Christmas ornaments. Burn 'Em! I did. Along with all the photos, cheap jewelry, a skirt I found out he tried to give to his girlfriend first, and it felt GREAT. No chance of seeing them in your neighbors house, no thoughts of crawling into the dumpster for a last-minute retrieval. Just burn 'em all!

Well, I'm just sayin'

Hey Laurie, you're gonna feel so good once you empty those bins and do something nice in the process. . . I don't worry about you, you're so inspiring, you'll be fine. Keep on feeling.

If you have ornaments you dont want to sell you could also try giving them to a local charity as well, some shelters realyl appreciate the decorations since otherwise they cant rally decorate for the holidays (I used to volunteer at a shelter/housing place where we would collect donated xmas supplies so we could decorate the houses)

I second the ronald mcdonald housing, its a really great organization. hospital programs, ymca, etc would be a good place to donate supplies as well

Stay strong!!And send all those old christmasmemories to mister x. I love your blog!
But I have to ask...did mister x only own two shirts and did he really really love his red shirt? (refering to pictures on your travelig blog)
Hugs from Malin in Norway!

before you toss the things that you spent ages working on, take a few pictures. Then burn them onto a CD, THEN throw them all out. You may not want the reminders, but you can hide a cd in a pile somewhere and maybe a time will come when you'll be glad you kept them?

or maybe that's just a trick the packrats use to weed out their ages of accumulated remembrances... :-)