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October 7, 2005

Stitch 'n Bitch 'n ... Uma Freaking Thurman.

No, Uma Thurman did not attend Stitch 'n Bitch. But I attended Stitch'n Bitch, and as you'll see later on in about 37,000 words and comma splices, I am practically exactly the same as Uma Thurman. Really. It's ... very philosophical.

I don't do any actual stitching at Stitch 'n Bitch, in fact I think I completed the grand total of ONE ROW of knitting last night, but then again I hadn't been to SnB in a loooong time and there was so much catching up to do. And who can both catch and knit at the same time?

Click for bigger pics. L-R: The group; Tami hides behind her gorgeous cotton cabled knitting; Peggy is so cute you want to cover her in chocolate and take her home.. here she teaches Faith intarsia.

Click for bigger pics. L-R: New peeps at SnB! Darcy really loves her yarn, and I mean that in the deepest sense of the word; Faith learns intarsia!!

I arrived late to SnB (thanks, job!) but I stayed late, too, since I HAVE A VACATION DAY TODAY. Yes. You heard that right. I am taking a much-needed break from my job. Me! So! Happy!

It was so nice seeing everyone last night!

And since today is A Vacation Day and therefore I AM NOT WORKING OH HELLO LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU WORLD! I was plenty able to meet up with Faith first thing this morning for breakfast at Marmalade. After eating 546,000 carbohydrates, I was determined to go home and begin the long, arduous task of getting my house back in shape from weeks of neglect. So, immediately after breakfast I talked Faith into going shopping. To trick the housework into thinking I was coming home. And maybe it would do itself?

Click for bigger pics. L-R: I get attacked by Xmas decor; Faith Falls at Michael's. HAH HAH ...get it? FALLs? Oh boy was I cracking myself up. Then I sniffed a gourd to see if it was plastic. Good times.

After shopping and picture-taking, I finally came home with every intention of cleaning my house and getting some control over the pile of shoes collecting by my front door, and the laundry, and the dishes, but instead I ... watched TV. Which must have been Buddha's plan for me today. And let me tell you why.

As I walked in the door, and stumbled over the shoe pile, and grabbed a beer (AT 3 IN THE AFTERNOON, HELLO VACATION DAY!) Oprah was on TV and her guest today was Uma Thurman (Yes, I am about to write about an epiphany I got from THE OPRAH SHOW. Got a dictionary? Look up "spinster crazy person." See my picture? so cute?) and within five minutes of the show starting, Uma was holding back tears and I was crying into a fresh beer.

Because it never occurred to me that any one person out there could go through what I'm going through, and there is Uma Freaking Thurman on the TV, all tall and skinny and rich and gorgeous... and she is thisclose to crying, because divorce is hard, ya'll, it's hard, and we do make strides, we do make it through each day somehow, and have good moments, and meet new people, and have hope, and we sometimes... we sometimes are doing JUST FINE.

We're FINE. Really, everything is GREAT.

So, being now GREAT and FINE, you make a meager attempt to get back on track, and off the sofa, and having quit smoking and so on, one day (a perfectly normal, fine day) you decide that maybe it's time to do that crazy newfangled exercise thing.

And so you go for a walk.

And on this walk, the first time you maybe have done any walking-exercise in over a year, you pet a dog in the neighborhood. And another one. And you laugh, because dogs! So cute! And then all the sudden you remember how every single night you were married you used to go out in your old neighborhood and go for a walk and when you got home your husband would say, "Did you have a good walk?" and you'd say, "It was great!" and he'd ask, "Did you pet any dogs?" and it was... a thing ya'll did. A tiny thing. A little insignificant part of your day that until THIS VERY MOMENT you had forgotten.

And now you really, really wish you could have kept forgetting it.

But all over again you feel like someone, someone maybe very fat, is standing on your chest and you can't breathe and you know you must go home immediately and drink wine and have a cigarette.

Except that you quit smoking two months ago.

So you just keep walking. And thinking you kind of need to wash your hands from petting on strange dogs. And that you are a thirty-four-year-old-woman who is going to walk back home, alone, and tell nobody that you're home, and probably have a glass of wine, and probably be just fine, and in fact you're better off in the long run THANKYOUVERYMUCH, but still. You don't feel whole.

You feel maybe... broken.

And it's weird to hear a celebrity, a complete stranger, say these same things. ON OPRAH. But it's also kind of comforting. And yes, I saw Jennifer Aniston on Oprah a few weeks ago saying she was FINE, I AM SO FINE! LIFE IS GREAT! I AM GREAT! and maybe she was great. Maybe being divorced made her soooo damn happy!

But seeing Uma Thurman on TV saying, "I don't even know what it means, moving on, what does that mean?" it was like she was channeling me, my sadness, my inability to trust anyone or trust in the future, my little pieces of heartbreak here and there, my awful self-esteem, my clever ways of making it all unbearable and then bearable again.

For some reason, this made me feel better. In fact, I felt... UNDERSTOOD. NORMAL. For the first time in a long, long time. Because if we've learned nothing from being raised here in America, Land Of The Free Home Of The Brave, it's that you're normal and right as long as you're doing exactly what the celebrities are doing.

And Uma and I are doing the same exact thing! Except that I am not a skinny, 8-foot-tall glamazon who is rich and famous and in movies.

But that's OK. I'm normal. Like a celebrity. On the teevee!

And that's pretty good learnin' for a Vacation Day. Right?

Posted by laurie at October 7, 2005 4:29 PM