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October 20, 2005

And on the sixth day she said, "You shall have fuzzy feet!"

As usual, I am late to the party. Very Important Research on the internets let me know that everyone and their brother and their second-cousin-twice-removed knitted up some adorable Fuzzy Feet last year (click here for free pattern). I was still crying and drinking alone on the patio of my old house and repeatedly playing that song "F*** it, I Don't Want You Back" REALLY REALLY LOUDLY this time last year, so that's my excuse.

But now I'm at the party, people! I am here and I will make my fuzzy feet rite of passage!! I brought wine!

If all goes well, my mom will be HIGH STYLIN' in her fuzzy feet for Christmas. This project looks suspiciously like sock knitting, though, so I plan to use some Patons Up Country from my (rather sizable) stash as a prototype before making the gift feet. My folks in Florida need winter knits about as much as we do here in Los Angeles... but fuzzy feet! A necessity! They can insulate and keep the bottles of Chivas from harm during hurricane season, too. (Because my parents? their hurricane kit? Is Chivas Regal. I come by it honestly, people.)

And so begins my first step (ha! STEP! get it!!) toward my holiday knitting. I'm going to pretend that all pictures of holiday hand-knits posted on this here website require a special decoder ring to view, and my friends and family do not have said decoder ring and, ergo, will be COMPLETELY SURPRISED and AWED by their SURPRISE gifts. I cannot go three months without posting about knitting, OK?

Unless of course that knitting is ... the Ugly Mystery Knitted Cat Thingamajig which I may or may not finish this lifetime. It's all knitted, now it just requires a handsaw and some seaming and some hot glue. All things normal knitters use in their handmade projects.

Oh, did I mention that fuzzy feet look like socks? I did? And did I mention socks are kind of fancy knitting? And do you know what a pain in the ass I can be about fancy knitting stuff? With the whining and the blaming and the hissing? And then... the embarrassing pleas for help? And the slurring?

It's a sad, vicious cycle. Once I break free of the long rectangle (a.k.a. "scarf") or simple circle (kitty pi, hats) I'm pretty much screaming in pain the whole way. UNTIL I figure it out, that is, which is when I go from hating the knitting to feeling like I am THE SMARTEST HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET AND POSSIBLY MARS. That inspires me. Gives me false courage. Which lasts until I take on my next knitting project, always way above my skill level, and I repeat the cry/whine/hate-knitting/someone-helps-me/things-work-out/I-conquer the-yarn cycle.

Maybe I can convince someone to knit fuzzy feet with me? Please? Anyone? You know you want to. Seriously. And then when things go horribly awry I can blame ... maybe you. Until things go right. Which is where I win! I win!

Posted by laurie at October 20, 2005 12:06 PM