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September 13, 2005


From the time I was allowed to date until the time I got married, I had spent approximately three hours single. I was always one of those girls who had a boyfriend or who had a massive all-encompassing boy crush that dwarfed the sun. Marriage was blah blah blah THE NADIR OF MY EXISTENCE.

Except that ... it wasn't, really. We had some good times, we had some bad times, but overall it wasn't the end-all-be-all defining element in my life. We all know this because the marriage ENDED and yet I am still BREATHING.

So far I have traveled through the following phases of divorce:

August - October, 2004: Please don't go; Please put me out of my misery; Please pass the wine and cheetos; I hate you.

November 2004 - January 2005: Please make the holidays go away; Please come back; Please drop dead; Please pass the wine and oreos; I hate everyone.

February - March 2005: Please pass the wine and yarn; Please shut up; Please go screw yourself; Wow it really feels good to hang up on your sorry ass!

April - May 2005: There is a yarn shop in Burbank! And one in Encino! And two on Ventura! Please pass the circular needles; Please hand me that wine glass; Please help me find a lawyer; HA HA YOU HAVE A GOATEE.

June 2005: Birhday whining interlude. Followed by "Divorce Court: A Tragedy."

July - August 2005: Work is hard, wine is good, yarn is better. Scant free time leads to yearning for hermit-like solitude. Hard-earned solitude is spent pondering navel. Navel is happy.

And now it's September, exactly one year since Mr. X left me and the cats forever, and ... color me shitshocked, but I'm pretty happy! True, I can't fit into any of my cute jeans and my job is trying to possibly kill me to death, and I NEED A VACATION DAY, but overall I whine less and ... I'm pretty happy.

Me! Happy! -ish!

I don't have any desire to go man up and find a boyfriend. I used to pretend to be somewhat interested in sports.

... DRUMROLL HERE: I am not looking for love anywhere but yarn shops.

I haven't turned all burning bed on everyone, and I'm not a man-hater. I just like being alone right now. I like figuring this part out. I'm not even remotely interested in a relationship ... for the first time in 17 years I am FREEEEEEEEE. Feels good. Don't plan on ruining it.

Posted by laurie at September 13, 2005 12:31 PM