So I guess it wasn't porn in a good way, as in 'our customers will never be exposed to porn."

Oh. My. Fucking. God. HOW did you manage to say PORN in a presentation?

Ah. No. It was more like, "Online banking is a private, personal experience. People want to feel that their identity is protected. Like with PORN."

Really, someone shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Yikes! Porn?!
You wanna join me drinking margaritas? You need the hard stuff.

um ... where did the porn come in? was it a presentation about porn? or was it a presentation about puppies, kittens and children?

And I swear, I've never even WATCHED porn. I'm far too uptight.

Maybe the high-level executives will realize that you are overworked and you'll get a vacation out of this. You really said porn?

OhDearOhDearOhDear. You had a Bridget Jones moment. At least "porn" is better than "TitsPervert". And you're not sleeping with the boss.

Dang. That is impressive.

OH NO! I will drink wine in sympathy with you. I hate the public speaking shaky-voice.

If it's any consolation, my mother once wrote and designed a brochure for a LARGE insurance company, and only after it went out to ALL of their ustomers did someone realize that a typo in the company's phone number had little old ladies in Kansas dialing phone-sex lines. Wine is really the only cure, I'm afraid.

Oh dear gawd!!! What did you say after PORN flew out of your mouth?

But ya know what? Everyone in that room did a mental check to remember where they had last put their porn & if it was safe!

Dont beat yourself up to much over it :)

If those uptight high level banking types can't find a way to chuckle over that one, well, they really do need some PORN!
Relax.....at least you didn't ask them about "incesting" instead of "investing" like I did once to a bunch of stuffy stock broker types!

Tell them you have tourette's and you're covered by the ADA and they can't fire you.

Or think of a really good acronym: Principles Of Reacting Nicely, something so different. Baffle them with BS.

I feel for you. Anything that looks at all like public speaking does me in.

Oh, Laurie,

You sound like Louanne in "The Bean Trees" - a Southern girl (ha! that's IT!) who believes that the worst thing in life is the one thing she's afraid she's going to do: stand up in church and shout out, "God's pee-pee!"

See, hon? You're not alone.

OH MY GOD that is too funny. I'm sorry I'm laughing at your expense. You remind me of Jeff from Coupling. Good thing you didn't know about the giggle loop.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ah man, I luv ya, chick! I am SO thrilled to find someone else that has these Bridget Jones episodes. Hallelujah ... I am not alone! ;) Just this week, my boss left on vacation and left me to handle one (ONE) conference call to referee between our client and our vendor. Yeah. In just a poorly worded email or two, I have both companies now upset with us AND the issue between the two has now escalated to full-scale war. That'll teach my boss to leave. I'm just sad I couldn't work in the "porn" word somewhere in this mess. Hmmmm. Another email to the client may be forthcoming.

(p.s. hang in there)

if they didn't laugh then they need the wine more than you do.

but don't give them any.

Maybe it came out sounding like "horn" or "corn." That's not so bad, right? Right?

Oh dear. Since you were trying so hard to not say it, of course you did! Brains are such traiterous things. Bridget Jones eat your heart out (if a fictional character can eat their heart out).

Assuming they were men, they were probably already thinking of porn the whole time anyway.

You still deserve wine.

Oh my, they work you way too hard...maybe, just maybe, they thought it was a joke? as in...ha ha..uh not that funny, but forgiveable? You definately deserve your wine tonight!

I got you a gift today. It's not porn but should make you smile. I'll be shipping it tomorrow.

Laurie, sweet britches. I am sorry to say that I have been sending this link all over. Friends, Romans, countrymen, they all lent me their eyes to read this post because it is effing funny. I sent it to Paris honey, and I don't mean Texas.

Much love and wine,
S

OH MY GOD I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THAT MY DOGS ARE LOOKING AT ME STRANGELY. YOU ARE TOO FUNNY.

You would have been professionally remiss to omit such a fine analogy! You were fearless and edgy and you clearly deserve a promotion.
Clearly.

Hey, I agree with Aradi - they were probably already thinking about porn anyway, if they were men. Jeff Foxworthy sez men are always thinking, "I'd like a beer, and I'd like to see somethin nekkid." And my own dh says that's just about right! Man, I hate public speaking - I always say something embarrassing, in the shaky voice, with the sweaty upper lip. I'm with you, sister. Have some wine, and work on the Ugly Mystery Project! Upon which I would like an update! :)

"They're free, and full of yarn porn." I take it you weren't discussing your blog in the presentation. Too bad.

That's AWESOME. Seriously. You made a point they will never forget. Because banking executives? They're the kind of guys who REALLY want to protect their identities when it comes to things like online porn.

I agree that they were probably already thinking about it, so what's the harm?

Also, having seen more than my fair share of really bad speeches, I'm pretty sure you weren't as bad as you think you were. I used to teach high school English, and man, everything you describe can be bad, but it's not as bad as vomiting the second you finish your speech from fear or practically passing out from locking your knees. It could've been soooo much worse, Hon. I'm sure it was fine.

Hey, all consolations aside.. there is no better analogy for how people between how possessive people feel about their personal information in re: online banking, than porn. You put it in a language they understand. If anything, you should be promoted!

Aw, sweetie, I do stuff like that all the time. Every time I meet new people I tell myself to keep my mouth shut and not say that crazy shit to them that I inevitably end up saying to everyone. God help us. As long as you didn't lose your job over it, I wouldn't worry too much.

Okay, hints from someone who ACTUALLY has Tourette's: you are going to have to start saying "porn" a lot around the office in a random way. You might want to pick out some other, even less appropriate things to say as well. Then, apologize by saying that they changed your medicine (30-somethings don't get Tourette's---it's not actually catching) and the new one doesn't seem to work. That should cover you on the Tourette's excuse despite the fact that almost no one that has Tourette's has that symptom.

oh no! Really? Did you really, really, really say porn? Or is this just one of those things you add to embellish a story (not that you do, but I am sure unscrupulous bloggers would)??? Sorry about the presentation. I'll drink another glass of wine for you now since I'm pretty sure you're still at work.

Yah, make with the Porn quote.

I have to believe it didn't go nearly as badly as you think. It really never does. And, if it happens to be that you made a couple executive types chuckle, all the better, I say.
PORN!

ahahahahaha! that is the funniest thing i've ever heard! F*&% 'em if they can't take a joke. i thought that was a good example. probably not appropriate in the context of a presentation with high mucky-muck execs, but eh, what can you do? what else could you have said? i'm trying to think of other things that are a "private, personal experience." let's see...i can't. birth control? online dating? buying yarn on the internet? sperm donation? having an affair? puking in the toilet after binge drinking? really, porn just fits right in there. don't feel bad. :)

I think your statement was not only true, but one that the high-powered exec can agree with - if you could give them a reasonable excuse to present to their spouse/secretary/assistant/employer about why their browser cache history is stuffed full of pr0n, or very interesting lines on their credit card statement that does not involve "I like to look at pr0n on my lunch break", they would probably give you a raise.

HAhahahhaha! (laughing near you laurie, not at you). That is too funny. I agree that if most of the execs were men (and I’ll bet they were) they were probably already thinking about porn anyway. And it really was a cleaver use in the context. I’m sure it’s all not as bad as you think.

HEHEHEHEHE! You never cease to give me a giggle!

I'll send the wine truck on over when I'm done with it. It might be awhile.

Since we have come to the agreement that they were probably thinking about porn anyway, then they may have thought they misheard you. So, come up with what you really meant to say and then if anyone asks you, look just slightly embarrassed and laugh and say, "Porn? You thought I said porn???"

You just talked yourself right into it..."don't say porn...don't say porn...say porn...say porn."

Kat? The only reason you didn't say porn with your clients is because there were no children in the room.

Laurie? Thank G-d there were no children in the room! (There were no children in the room right?)

heh heh you said porn...

Awww, I bet they all loved you. How could anyone not love Aunt Purl??

Public speaking gets better with practice. It will. Really. Trust me. I've been through this. Well... maybe not the porn part. But really... you can only go up from here. ;)

Come on, we need some context here. What sentence was it in? I love you girly, you're the best. Public speaking scared the crap outta me.

Don't feel bad! Who cares- you are safe at home tonight. You have a lot of friends who enjoy your humor. Plus you are very honest and real. I love that you are not afraid to share your stories with others. Being perfect would be so boring! :) cheers!

Gasp! What did the White Guys In Ties do?

LOL

But, you're right. I would want my porn to be as private as my online banking... not that I've looked at porn.. uhmmm no...'cause that would be like... uhmmm wrong..right?

uhhhh well..........I don't have much money in the bank either. sigh

oh you are so cute and funny...

Oh you poor thing. I send so many hugs. And I also ask how you managed to say porn. I am so sorry.

oh my. just what would lorelai do in this case?

I'm so with Kim. "You thought I said WHAT??? Oh, hahaha, you're so funny!"

A couple of others have already mentioned Tourette's so I won't go there.

oh noooooo. the power of suggestion. i bet you're going to say *incesting* the next time instead of *investing*. ohhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooo. :-(

A woman I work with once finished off a job interview with this remark:
Prospective boss: "It was nice to meet you"
Her: "Well, it's not every day you get to meet a girl with a VIBRATOR" (!?!)
She got the job. She thinks its because she stood out from the rest of the applicants. At least your comment was in context. Cheer up!

Look at the bright side, that's just the kind of thing that Lorelai Gilmore WOULD do.

Another Tish beat me to the comment I was going to make ;)

And it's so weird that you should mention porn because I was just talking about that the other day...Except I wasn't standing in front of a room of high level executives. I was talking to my friends from college who were still terribly shocked about me talking about it so casually and them declaring, "What? Who doesn't like porn? Tout le monde aime le pornographie. C'est vrai! Oui!" Your story is WAY better than mine tho'.

I'll have to cross my fingers and hope I don't say porn at my first presentation (I'm still really new at my insurance company job so there haven't been any presentations yet. Hopefully there will NEVER be. *crosses fingers tighter for never having to give a presentation*)

Years ago, when I was in insurance sales, one of the policies we sold had an annual premium that could be paid quarterly, so the company called it a "four-pay plan". Guess how it usually came out
when I was describing it to clients?

So you had an embarrassing experience. You'll live.

How on G-d's green earth did you work that one in? I have GOT to know!

So what? For such a literate writer, I'm sure there was a strong thread of appropriate that roped in "porn." (Dick-head would be harder to explain....) If you must perform penance join Toastmasters International and see if there are any cute guys over coming THEIR speech imperfections.

Perhas it was the casualness of your language that distressed you? Next time you would enunciate: porn - og - ra - phy. Best wishes.

Oh gawd I just snorted my iced caffe'.

Hey, if I was an exec and somebody mentioned porn in their presentation I'd be having them speak again, hell I'd give 'em a raise ;)

Man, that reminds me of a hilarious song from the musical "Avenue Q" called "the Internet is for Porn." And the whole audience is a bunch of business folks (and tourists, and y'all know THEY scare easily). All I'm saying is, maybe next time you should do your presentation like a broadway musical.....

But I'll bet you got their attention! And really, isn't that what's important? See, you're a public speaking genius!

Not only are you hysterically funny - your commentors are an equal match!

Lissen, I speak publicly all the time (street corners, supermarkets, the pool - any place that will embaress my kids) and I will always try, from this day forward, to include the word PORN in any knitting class I teach. In honor of you. We will make this an accepted word.

Say it with me: "We're here, we say inappropriate things, get USED to it!"

And your problem is??? You made a perfectly valid point. I, for one, need/want my identity protected when I (used to, swear it's used to!) visit one of those sites. So, what did the White Guys In Ties do? Probably nothing - or would have if you hadn't slapped your hand over your mouth and/or apologised profusely. Laurie, honey, you really need to follow up on an earlier suggestion to visit Toastmasters International. It's for people who want to know how to speak in public without having heart attacks or seriously embarassing themselves and others. I had to go to one of their meetings in a public speaking class I took in college. I really think that public speaking should be a required course in all colleges - not just the one I went to.
Luv ya anyhow, Purl! You're the best!

First of all you can't drink wine BEFORE a presentation. second - you haven't watched porn? I want you to go buy a bottle of wine, get an x rated movie and go home! You deserve a break.

Babe, here's a virtual vineyard.

Um, what were you supposed to say instead of porn? Inquiring minds what to know. Don't feel bad, I work with a children's initiative called Success By 6 and have actually screwed up in front of executives and called it Sex By 6. Sorta broke the ice. Sounds like the kind of activity that you can support, no? :)

Tanya

My dear, do you know how most high level execs talk when underlings are not in the room? Believe me, porn is polite small talk to most of these folks. And, most of them were probably just glad they didn't have to get up and talk...

Where would you like me to send the porn..er..I mean wine? Red or, white?

You could always cover up by saying it's a hip new acronym that you picked up, like Pretty Ordinary Right Now or something like that.

Anyway, your adoring fans still love you. Have some wine.

Well, look at it this way - at least you didn't say it over the RADIO like I did. Yep, back in my college days, I was a rock n' roll DJ at UVA's fm station. It is/was very progressive, hip etc. Anyway, there I was interviewing the legendary rockabilly singer, Tex Rubinowitz, and well, he was kinda a wild guy, in true rockabilly fashion, and he had a saying of "It ain't easy being cool." Well, I got it a little mixed up and asked him, "So, Tex, why don't you tell us how HARD it is?" Live. Over the Air. No ten second delay. Yep. Of course Tex didn't let that one pass and soon we were discussing Shaggy Black Ponies and well, it was memorable. So don't feel bad. Anyway, you probably brightened their day, and made them snicker.

You said Porn in a presentation. If I bring wine, can you share the details. I think this might just be funny. Think of all the dinner conversations you gave a little laughter to that evening. Unless you said, "my secret desire is to be a porn star" I think it will all be okay.

How can you leave us hanging like that?! ARRRG! LOL How did you come up with porn? It sounds like something I'd do!

Ariel ... scroll back up to the top, I posted it in the comments, the third comment from the top. So far today, folks here at White Guys In Ties, Inc., have been very nice ... either I'm about to get fired or people are just slap happy they aren't forever to be known as "the person who said PORN in the meeting." Heh.

yesterday, this guy was giving a presentation to me, he meant to say 'tangential', but intead he said 'tan-genital'.

and you know what, we're gonna give him the work.

OoOoOo, poor Purl. Honey, this gin and tonic is for you. And even good ol' Queen Vicky on the Bombay bottle is salutin' you. Upside? They are gonna remember your presentation.

What the fuck!? You are going to leave me like that with no details? Well, I have a presentation to give in 5 hours and 19 minutes that I haven't even started yet.

You are my freakin' HERO.

This one time...in science...I had to read out loud. I was supposed to say ORGANISM. Guess what I said instead?

And I survived! So will you! It's all (mostly?) YARN porn anyway.

*chortling* You're once again the funniest blogger I've read today. I'm with your coulda-been-worse supporters. At least you didn't immediately follow it up with a "FUCK! I didn't just say that shit, did I?"

(Right?) Good, then you're not me, and you can safely proceed with the ol' career.

Hugs and winey hiccups to you,
Carolyn B.

It's OK! It's OK! We all f*ck up presentations at one point! I had to give a presentation once and the person before me basically gave the same exact speech I had prepared. So I had to ad lib a speech despite having completely prepared one already. I was so bad that people were walking out of the presentation. And my friend sneezed during one of his presentations and phlegm flew out of his mouth, across the platform, and splat, right onto the screen he was using to present slides. So you are in good company.

lol. . . don't worry, if Porn slipped out of your mouth, it's because the group of people sitting before you were sending you porn vibes. . . they ought to be ashamed ;)

in case you want another porn at work story...(see, yes! there ARE others...!)

a very good friend of mine had to do online research as part of her job as a legal assistant. she apparently mistyped a web address and was taken to a page that would say, alert the IT department. Apparently, on porn sites (I, too, am way too uptight to have seen this in person, good or bad as that may be) there are all these windows that open all at once. Of couse, she freaked out and just started clicking anything (her back faced her office door, and she was just waiting for someone to walk in and see this) but in all the clicking she set the porn site as her home page. She called me (we worked at the same law firm) and neither of us knew how to undo setting your home page to something else.

so, instead of having a senior partner see that, she had to call IT and ask for help. After laughing, they helped her fix it. And, since I worked in Human Resources, I was on High Alert in case they decided to take action.

ANYway, a very long story (just call me long-winded Wendy) to tell you that you are not alone and, again, good or bad, porn happens at work more than you think...trust me. HR? We KNOW things. :)

hey laurie, it's SO not a big deal. you made a valid point (as opposed to randomly blurting "PORN!"). you'll be remembered for being down-to-earth and funny. It's a good thing. Honestly.