Give me the boss' number. I will call up and get you a much deserved vacation day. Only if you promise to use said day to go pick up the package. Opie and Abbey are deeply disturbed that they sent toys and your cats have not had an opportunity to play with them.

Girl...what the world needs is more people like you!

Thanks for the laugh!

What is with people not understanding the spacer stall? We only have three stalls. For an ENTIRE floor. They should be used appropriately. Courtesy flushing and all. Also people should not use the restroom for "private" conversations or phone calls.

Spacer stall...I love it. We have people here that not only do not honor the space stall god, but go into the MIDDLE of THREE stalls so upon entry I (who worship daily at the ssg altar) have to violate my most sacred rules and place myself NEXT to the heathen!

i would need a spacer building, if i actually did those potty things.

but remember? i have those handy faeries who come and make my uh, "stuff" into bright new stars and wildflowers.

pretty!

You are right. The world would be a better place if all staff meetings were run like sorority meetings. We'd have punch & we'd make sure to say nice things to each other. But I would still get the uncontrollable giggles.

I do not understand those who wish to be close to others while eliminating. That is a deeply personal and private activity, like nose-picking (not that I would know). I got some time off for power outages recently, but additional time off for non-fatal earthquakes would be welcome as well.

Amen!

OMG! The stall thing! YES! Why do people not get this??? If we were meant to be that close in a public restroom, they would have forgone (is that a real word?) the doors for pete's sake!

Wait - what is a "courtesy flush"? Someone, please.

My kids are 5 & 7 and have known the concept of courtesy flush since they were potty trained.

BUT, they think the courtesy flush should be an at home rule also. We wouldn't need this if they let me poo in peace.

And as for the stall thing....oh yeah. We have 4 stalls for an entire floor...and most of the locks don't work properly. Nice huh?

I think you should bring a staple GUN to work tomorrow. Mwa-ha-ha-ha.

Someone already said it, but I'll say it again...AMEN.

LOL at spacer stall and bathroom etiquette. I don't get how some people do not understand the concept of flush til water is clear. Apparently they were raised in a barn.

Amen III

ok, I will now embarrass myself and display my ignorance of all thing etiquettal. What is a courtesy flush?

Don't the folks in your office understand that if you don't get a vacation day that sooner or later you'll be unable to work anymore and that it'll cost them a fortune to keep you on disability and to hire and train someone new? I always knew bankers didn't understand the value of a dollar.

I am also among those ignorant of the "courtesy flush". But I do know that the spacer stall is very important.

Dear Lord, Aunt Purl .. anyone tell you that you live in a Seinfeld episode? :-)

As for the spacer stall, must be a chick thing ... Guys will belly right up to the urinal, chat away at length while whizzing and think nothing of it .. we'll actually shake hands afterward without giving it a thought ... As for activity that requires a stall, I went to a military college, we didn't even have doors on the stalls, so I'm kind of used to having a face to face conversation with someone while "evacuating" .. and hey, when you're done with the sports section, could you pass it down the line to me? That'd be great.

Shake on it?

You guys, I feel like I've come home. I thought I was the only one with spacer stall issues, but it's not just me. I'm NOT CRAZY! And yes, those idiots who use the center stall of a three stall bathroom leaving you no other option but to have to sit right next them? I'd like to staple them to the bathroom floor. EEEUUUWWW

Do you work at my company?? We have the same "Even though you worked overtime and through lunch on this highly important project it has now been cancelled so we will discard all your work" culture going on here! And I SO would staple someone's ... um...hand to the desk if he snuck up behind me and scared the crap outta me.

I think you should post this entry on the bulletin board at work...anonymously, of course. Then, just for good measure, post it in the men's and ladie's restrooms!!!

"Courtesy flush: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom."

(Other interesting definitions at http://www.insanepictures.com/jk.shtml?3238.htm)

The last time I was traveling through Japan, the nicer hotel bathrooms had a sort of radio on the stall wall. Push on the big button, and it makes a FLUSHING SOUND. Apparently, it is rude (or embarrassing) for the peeing sound to be heard, and thus you have a little white noise to cover it up.

Every other stall. That's the rule. EVERY OTHER STALL. God, I am so with you there.

I have been blogging about work, too. Maybe I'm just the daring type who doesn't care if I get caught, but I have had it, and sometimes, you gotta let it all out.

Hang in there, Lauriebee. xo

Also, a PSA re: the courtesy flush. My definition is a mid-poop flush to ensure that contents are flushed down INSTANTLY to avoid the smell from permeating the bathroom. Another flush post-poop is also necessary.

Take deep breaths, Aunt Purl. It really sounds like this no-time-off thing is driving you down the road to mayhem.

Okay everybody, darling Purl needs a good excuse to give when she takes a mental health day, um, I mean calls in sick. Anyone know the name of a good, irrefutable disease that cures itself with a long weekend of tv and cheetos?

You need a WEEK off accompanied with several bottles of wine! And...a COURTESY flush!

How could I have lived this long and not known about the courtesy flush? Must be because I've not had to do my duty with the multitudes.

And just who are these people that pee all over the seats!!!! AARGH!!!!!! Borders has a toilet that lets out this BIG SCREECH when you get up (an automatic flusher)... and it shares the crap out of you..which is appropriate since you are already in the bathroom!!!

rescinding of vacation days should be punishable by death.

and a corrollary to the spacer stall is as follows: NO TALKING WHILE DOING YOUR BUSINESS. WHEN I'M PEEING OR WORSE, I'M HAVING PRIVATE TIME AND DO NOT WANT TO CHAT WITH YOU. WE'LL CHAT WHEN I'M WASHING MY HANDS.

Dear Aunt Purl, maybe you feel a bit of a *migraine* coming on?? I've been known to develop a migraine when there's been a little too much stress at the office...

When vacation days are recinded, you should definitely get to call in sick *without* guilt. Perfect illness excuses (no need for fake coughing or sniffling the next day): migrains/really nasty headaches, stomach flu/food poisoning, "girl troubles" (I've used this one to great effect, though, sadly, it isn't always just an excuse).

Really, it's for their own good: you will be a much more productive worker bee having taken some time off.

OMG, my boss has been giving you feedback too? I didn't know we worked at the same place (but on different coasts).

Courtesy Flush! Oh my gosh, what a riot!

Are you sure this co-worker wasn't a man that stumbled into the wrong room? It's something they can't get the hang of.

There is nothing worse than sharing the facilities with a co-worker! Even if there are spaces between you in the stalls.. My company was built in the 50s...so there are only two stalls per bathroom. It's awkward and gross! Hope things look up for you!

Aunt Purl, you're a riot. I've been reading your blog for about a week now, and I laugh every time I do.

Bathroom manners! Do not come into a small public bathroom as a giggling group. Some of us need peace. Also, if the first person in your group checks the door? And it's locked? That means there's someone in there. Yes. Still in there. No, there's no secret escape hatch in the back of the stall. Uh huh, still in there. The more you bang on the door the longer this will take, so cut it out you ignorant wenches!

What about bringing in a match to cover the smell as well? Good idea or bad?

Hehhe. Courtesy Flush!! I am soooo with you on that. And the 'spacer stall.' Hehhehhhe. Great post.

Amen to the spacer stall!

I hate public bathrooms.

If you follow ~Dawn's suggestion of taking in a match to cover the smell to do run the chance of setting off smothe detectors and having to evacuate the building. I'm just sayin'.......

smothe = smoke, by the way.

This summer, I found that when faced with a recinded vacation day (mine was actually 6 DAYS AND I ALREADY HAD MY PLANE TICKET) that lots of crying helps. Lots.

Vote yes on spacer stalls! Once in a restaurant I was in the stall, and the woman in the stall next to mine got a call on her cell phone, and she actually answered it like this: "Hello? Oh hey...nothing, what are you doing?" Fortunately I was done, so I immediately flushed. I certainly hope she had a lot of splainin to do. :)

You know, I always thought I was pretty uptight, because I've never let my boyfriend in the bathroom with me. (Every boyfriend I've had has considered this neurotic.) But I have never heard of a spacer stall or a courtesy flush, and frankly neither would ever have occured to me. (And the latter strikes me as environmentally unsound, since presumably you have to flush twice, right?) Maybe this is a Southern thing? At any rate, I must be more laid back than I thought....

OK! I wasn't for sure before, but now I know it to be true. See, with the spacer stall comment there? I think we are officially twins separated at birth(only - without that whole sharing a womb and the chromosomes thing). So I guess that just makes us very similar.

Anyway.

Why oh WHY do people not understand the spacer stall concept?

PS - there is also a spacer seat concept at the movies. Don't be sitting on my purse chair when there's a whole damn row, buddy! It may be dark in here but that look I gave you was not "friendly" mmm-kay?!

The person not using the spacer stall could actually have real potty issues. Maybe they actually have to ALWAYS use the same stall. Could happen.

I also try to time my exit to not coincide with the other person in the bathroom. If they're in there first, I wait until they leave, or if they come in after me, I try to get out first. Then I don't know who it was I was sharing the bathroom with -- more privacy!

Do you all know how much water is wasted when you flush more than you need to? And what if all the stalls are occupied? Do you just freak out if someone steps into one next to you? Have you never been in a crowded public restroom?

Yeesh. Get over yourselves. Everybody poops.

This may start a whole new wave of neuroses, but I recently discovered that in bathrooms with tiled stalls, the back wall is usually reflective enough that you can actually see INTO the next stall. Yes, you can see your neighbor's bare butt, and even identify them by the shirt they're wearing in the reflection. Ever since I discovered this at work, I go to great lengths to ensure the spacer stall.

Ok, I understand not wasting water, but when your coworker ate Mexican food or too much Chinese, dear Lord please courtesy flush! I mean honestly courtesty flushing saves because the person thats gagging two stalls down is about to vomit and have to flush twice just because you couldnt flush yourself!
Also, spacer stall! Why don't people get it, its like they want to freak you out by getting as close as you possibly can. Its the same reason why I never take the stall next to the door its like everyone not in the bathroom will also know that you are. Maybe I am just paranoid *shrugs* but we are all entitled to a little privacy!

I think the reason some don't use the spacer stall is perhaps the same reason they always park right next to you when you're trying to park really far away in the parking lot to avoid other cars hitting your doors. When you park way the heck out in the south-40, it just INVITES someone to swing right in next to you. Chelle

The courtesy flush is no longer possible for me, thanks to the lo-flow toilet. You never know when your throne is going to be lo-flow, and they're always extra splashy! Try to flush while you're still sitting, and you end up totally soaked! A dry bum is not something I'm willing to sacrifice for fresh air!

Awe, it's ok. Stick in there sister. I'm with you on all your points and am willing to write you a note so you don't have to go into work tomorrow.(-:

Ha! I just violated the spacer stall rule, but I feel I have a good reason. I always use the handicap stall because A) there is no one in the building who needs it and B) it is THREE TIMES the size of my miserable tiny hovel of a studio apartment bathroom at home (which I also share with a 3-cat litterbox, which is technically a rubbermaid dish pan, because a real litterbox won't fit)!!! The woman ahead of me headed for the stall right next to my gorgeous giant stall, and I actually considered going into another stall because I really do agree with the spacer stall rule, but then stubborness took over because it's my stall, MINE!

Oh I am so sorry about the crud your, uh, hypothetical worker has to deal with. I feel your pain.

As for an illness that lasts only a short time: food poisoning. Just eat peckishly the day you come back. And a good hangover will give you the wan look.

THANK YOU. I almost wrote about the same thing the other day. I want to shout out, "There are two other stalls to choose from!" when people do that. And, frankly, I don't care how much water I waste when I am trying to provide myself and others an illusion of privacy. I don't want to hear it, and I don't want them to either.

Ya'll are too funny. (I thought I was the only one with the potty privacy issues...)

Sorry to comment again, but Big Alice, you're a genius. Get "food poisoning" on Friday, but be better, if a little wan, by Monday. Since food poisoning affects both ends, no one will want to hear the details. Genius, pure genius.

I'm going to file this one for future reference. Oh yeah. Never actually taken a mental health day, but you never know.

but.....but....what about those stupid toilets that only flush when you stand up? (and literally scare the **** out of you when they do!)

no possibility of a courtesy flush there, either.

i cannot believe i made it to this age and didn't know about the courtesy flush.

I usually use the handicap stall just because of 'space' issues. and yes, i too am wierd about other people in the bathroom with me. *rolling eyes* i roll the toilet paper roll like a 'HEY, I'm in here!' alarm and if i'm in there first i either HURRY UP to leave or i wait til they finish b/c i don't want to see who it is and i don't want them to see me either!! At work (you know, back when i had a job to report to everyday - Thanks Katrina!) we only had 2 stalls to a bathroom. Here's *MY* big issue: We have 3 floors with a men's room and ladies room on each floor (floor 2, 3 and 4) The first floor houses *3* employees and has two bathrooms. WHY is it that no matter what day or time it is, when i go to the bathroom, there is always this one same employee in the bathroom on my floor?? AND.. yes, you guessed it - she doesn't even work on my floor!??
Also, if i know i have to 'more than tinkle' i bring air freshner with me!!!!
sometimes i bring it just in case the person before me didn't think of it. Ew.

heh heh

I used to make little stickers that said, "If you must pee on the seat, be discreet, WIPE IT OFF!" and would stick them in stalls all over Manhattan. Ah, the 80's...

Once I called in sick with pinkeye, and it worked like a charm, but the trick is to lead up to it.

DAY 1 - Go into work tomorrow and rub your eye a lot
DAY 2 - Go in the next day and mention that you must have "allergies" because your eyes are so red. Ask someone if you have something in your eye.
DAY 3 - Use a little blush or lipstick where the eye makeup should be - just a touch - and only on ONE eye.

Ask to go home near the end of Day 3, explain that your eyesight is blurry in one eye and you called to make an appt with your doctor.

DAY 4 - Call in pre-work and leave a message that your doctor has diagnosed you with Conjunctivitis. NEVER say "Pink Eye" - let someone else say that. If they say it to you, play dumb, "Oh, what's that?"

I GUARANTEE you will get at least 3 days off. And the extra bonus is if you have any hardworking hypochondriacs in your office they'll phone in sick, too, on the basis of your diagnosis. When I did this (also in the 80's) three other people in my office mysteriously also got pink eye that week.

It's very contagious, wink |"

(Oh, crap, I can't get my eye open!)

TOTALLY understand and appreciate the spacer stall .....hate it, hate it, hate it (not to mention I become very concerned)when someone goes into the stall next to you and then starts grunting and groaning!!!

As for the splashing, I heard this on the radio and it works. Before sitting on the throne put a seat cover or TP in the bowl on top of the water and then do your stuff. The paper will prevent your ass from getting splashed.

I also love the people talking on their cell phone from their stalls. I'll flush for the sound effects!

I love you. And the spacer stall.

I had a vacation day today (don't kill me, it's maybe my second this entire year) and spent the day washing sheep and washing clothes and washing dishes.

It was a good thing.

I have potty issues too... I flush & run. You'll never get a courtesy flush from me. Every time you flush you send bacterial and viral aerosols into the air. I do what I have to do, open the stall door, flush, then use the sink farthest away from the toilets, use a papertowel to turn off the faucet, use a papertowel to open the bathroom door and get the hell out of there (before someone else flushes).

It's a public bathroom, even at the best of times it's gonna stink.

At home the lid is ALWAYS down when I flush. And I leave the bath room immediatley after the flush. And my toothbrush isn't kept in the bathroom.

Hi, my name's posie and I'm a germ-o-phobe.

I have potty issues too... I flush & run. You'll never get a courtesy flush from me. Every time you flush you send bacterial and viral aerosols into the air. I do what I have to do, open the stall door, flush, then use the sink farthest away from the toilets, use a papertowel to turn off the faucet, use a papertowel to open the bathroom door and get the hell out of there (before someone else flushes).

It's a public bathroom, even at the best of times it's gonna stink.

At home the lid is ALWAYS down when I flush. And I leave the bath room immediatley after the flush. And my toothbrush isn't kept in the bathroom.

Hi, my name's posie and I'm a germ-o-phobe.

OMG with the spacer stall!!! I KNOW!! And it's so much worse now that I'm in an office with three normal stalls, one mini stall, one handicap stall, and one "fat girl" stall. Because there's just no spacing. IT SUCKS.

And my theory... I think those people still need their hands held. Or maybe they're afraid to run out of TP and be stranded.

Maybe we should start asking.....

The private women's colleges in Western Massachusetts (Smith and Mt. Holyoke) have one day in the fall when the president declares that it is Mountain Day and the women have no classes. They head for the hills or wherever and enjoy a day off, the whole darn campus. My daughter goes to Smith as do my boss' two daughters. Today I told Bosslady that I'm declaring tomorrow Mountain Day because it is supposed to be a glorious summery day. I needed a mental health day before I kill someone. I took it. Hooray for me. You just tell that boss of yours that you asked for a day off and scheduled an appointment that would be really hard to reschedule. Y'all know that it is so hard to get an appointment at the local cafe on a nice day!

Honey, you keep my sane. I love you to death.

only a WOMAN would come up with something as idiotic as a courtesy flush....thats why we go to the latrine!!! To raise a stank! I guess yours is the ony S**T who doesn't stink????

Me thinks it will be time to have a little "air clearing" when the "corrections" are made. Your friends boss needs to hear some of the standard rules of being a boss. Boss also needs to understand some of the laws governing labor.

Beter yet, your friend needs to shop for something else where she will be treated like a human being.

And the potty thing...just hope that you can unload a true toxic dump. Next time she will think twice about a close and personal "relationship."

I am with Annie. Here we just call it the eye problem as in "I can't SEE myself coming in today"

I always heard men used the spacer urinal! Except for an old boss of mine, who apparently held full conversations, hands on hips. I was also told if you needed to see any section of the paper except arts & liesure, you could find it on the floor of the men's room after 10:30.

I'm anti-courtesy-flush, not only for the water waste but also for the backsplash possibility.

I agree wholeheartedly with the spacer stall and courtesy flush. My biggest bathroom peeve is the fact that so many of my co-workers completely skip the hand washing step. Duh? I keep mental notes of who these people are and don't eat their food when we have pot luck lunches.

I agree with everyone else...Take the sick day...Or as I like to call it a well day. Vacation Days are your time...it is a shame most companies don't agree...oooo....and don't get me started on how they often do not think Single folks need vacation time or are able to work insane hours because they have no family to attend to.

I think you could safely let the courtesy flush slide if evil coworker/supervisor was in the restroom.

Hope the time off comes soon before you are forced to take off because you are sick for real.

I know this isn't quite on topic with the spacer stall and bathroom rules but...

Has anyone else ever leaned forward to grab the TP and have the "auto-flusher" toilet flush on you? While you're still sitting there?!? Anyone?

I have a theory that it only happens to me because I am short and the sensor is too high up on the wall.

Also, ladies, if the bathroom is so scary that you feel the need to "hover" over the seat... Please wipe up your own urine when you are done. No one else wants to wipe up your urine. You're a big girl.

I about spewed my wine when i heard that there were some earthquakes in LA this afternoon. Be most careful about what you wish for... (lottery...)

Hey, yeah, how about those earthquakes! Heard it on the news and my husband wanted to know why LA having minor earthquakes was so incredibly funny. Could you wish for my office pool to win Powerball on Saturday?

Couple of things:
Spacer stall? AMEN!!! give me space. It's not like the stalls are closed off little privacy bubbles! If I wanted to be that close to you while i'm in there, i would leave the door open!

And, Secondly: I see I'm not the only person who immediately thought of you when I saw the news of the earthquake. Hope you're okay and your disaster preparedness kit wasn't necessary!

Wow! Looks like you got that earthquake you requested. Mother Nature apparently has the time to rip up the Gulf Coast AND give a little shout out to her peeps in LA all at the same time. Did you get your day off, though? That's the question.

I have a coworker who referred to it as the "buffer stall". Same concept, though. I'd never heard of that concept before she mentioned it, so it's possible that I have violated the spacer/buffer stall rule without even knowing it, because I'm all for using the spacious handicapped stall, no matter if the next one is occupied. However, I never, ever do more than pee at work. The *other* business takes place in the privacy of my own bathroom. I think that's a hold-out from when I was in grade school and the other girls would stand on the toilets in the other stalls and peer over the walls of my stall to watch me. They were curious to see if I was "white all over". (I was the only white girl in the 4th grade at that school). Childhood neuroses die hard....

Dude. (I can say that cuz I'm from Californy). Dude, I can NOT handle anyone else in the potty while I'm in there. If there is someone else in there when I walk in, I walk out and go chat with the receptionist for a bit. I'm on a floor with 2 companies and several women and there are only TWO stalls. Ick. One woman from my office actually CHATS with me if I've been unfortunate enough to get trapped in there with her. EW! Let me do my thang, courtesy flush and get the F&^$ outta there. GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ.

oh.
my.
god.

i thought i was the *only one* with the spacer stall thing. cept i didn't have a name for it. when i worked for the fl. dept of children and families, there was a 3 stall bathroom for about 150 people. nevermind that there was a 12 stall bathroom out in the hall...

i loved the 12 stall. no one used it so i could go pee in the corner and get away from everyone. but sometimes, when ya just gotta go...inevitably some moron would go into the one right next to me. sigh.

anyway, i'm so glad a) i'm blogging again and b) you're still blogging and c) i never threw away my bloglines subscription. i didn't know what i was missing the last few months!

Okay...I am a firm beleiver in the spacer stall...but I think a few things need more attention here - the hand washing issue and the cellphone stall talkers. Not five minutes ago I was in the restroom at work and witnessed someone (who unfortunately I recognized, but luckily I don't work with directly) walk out of the stall after flushing and head right out the main door. So not cool!

As for the cellphone stall talkers (CSTs)- when did having a phone conversation in a public restroom become socially acceptable?? I don't want to hear their private business while I'm doing mine! (And, I would NEVER want to be on the other end of the line and hear the toilets flushing! A friend did it to me once and I gave her hell for it.)

Tami

P.S. I just found this blog this week and I LOVE it!

haha... your spacer stall comments are in gene weingarten's washingtonpost.com chat (about halfway down).. almost word for word! yikes!:

Neurotic Too: Can we PLEASE spread the word about the value of the spacer stall? I realize that you may like to be oh-so-close to those who potty at your place of work, but in a room of five empty stalls and one occupied stall, WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH would you choose the stall direcly next to the one occupied stall? Why? WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE, PEOPLE. Choose to use a spacer stall. Some of us have potty privacy issues. OK?

AND THE COURTESY FLUSH. LONG LIVE THE COURTESY FLUSH.

-paula (who works somewhere with foot-pedal flushers...courtesy flush impossible there! :( ..so you totally don't have to TOUCH the toilet, and people STILL CANNOT FLUSH properly!)

Okay, I'm late on this one, but enjoying your archives. I barely skimmed all the other comments to this post, most of which involve the spacer stall issue. I just wanted to clarify about the note that starts off positive, is filled with negative, and ends positive. I have heard from a friend who was a teacher's aide that teachers use this technique during parent conferences, as in: "Your Bobby is quite a boy. I love having him in class. However, blah blah blah rude blah blah disruptive blah blah blah picking his nose blah blah. But I'm sure with his high IQ and quirky sense of humor, we can overcome these issues. I'm looking forward to a great second quarter with him."

Anyway, to clarify: It's called a Shit Sandwich.