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August 9, 2005

We sailed the yard!

On Saturday, a bunch of stitch-n-bitchers converged on my lawn to host a yard sale. My very first yard sale!

Ya'll. Really. Let me tell you.

1) The Night Before

Ok, so the night before your big yard sale, that you have no idea how to pull off because you have never actually hosted a yard sale before, you should definitely do the following:

get sleep

get organized

do productive stuff

Me? My nephew Brett and his cousin David (which makes us...? cousins twice removed?) made a surprise visit to LA for the X-Games and crashed at my house. Only... teenage guys? Have so much energy. So the crashing? Happens later. And I LOVE Brett, adore him, so I much preferred hanging out with him than silly stuff like preparing for the masses of crazy people who converge on your lawn at the buttcrack of dawn.

Recap: Caution! To the wind! Sleep! Not happening!

But I got to hang with Brett and Dave, and we chitchatted all night and they made sandwiches and Dave played the guitar and all in all it was a great evening had by all.

[click for big]
Brett tries to endure Crazy Cam Lady; It gets to him, in time; David plays guitar.

Camera craziness takes Brett; late late late on the patio; Soba gets into the action.


2) The Early Birds

People, ya'll know I don't sleep. So, you know. I do things early in the morning. Sure, I may be at the 7-11 at 5:30 in the morning for a newspaper, or perhaps I'll do a little grocery shopping at 6 a.m., because I AM AN INSOMNIAC and also, CRAZY, but Good Lord in heaven you will not find me pulling my car up into someone's driveway with such a fervor I almost drive onto the yard itself, snatching clothes left and right, haggling, all before anything is even totally set up, because me? The one who never sleeps? It would not even cross my mind to show up at your house at 7:20 a.m. looking for a fucking bargain! And be rude to you! And also, steal things off your lawn!

3) Yeah. I said STEALING.

Is this a new thing or is this part of sailing the yard? Tell me. Enlighten me. Educate me. Because Jennifer and I stood there in fascinated horror as a vanload of women shoved clothing into their handbags. And then drove off like nothing in our yard sale had appealed to them, thankyouverymuch. A man walked off with my Fossil watch. Jen's pajama pants disappeared (she wasn't wearing them, in case you were wondering. Just for clarity's sake.)

Initially, my thinking was that if you were on bad enough times that you had to steal from a yard sale, well, then you should take it. Just take it! Please! I would have donated this to Goodwill anyway, and probably should have 'cause ya'll are freaking my shit out!

But then. I don't know. When I was little we were POOR. So POOR in fact that we were just plain PO. But stealing? Never an option. Especially not off someone's front yard. I'm just saying is all.

And people did this thievery in front of their KIDS. Teaching STEALING as a value. Is this just a California thing? Or is this what we have come to in America? Really?

4) Then it got better.

Because, ya'll know, the stealing hordes basically only came for the first hour, I guess they count on you to be half-asleep and still busy setting up. After that, it was nice folks, just nice people and families out for a day, doing some neighborhood shopping. And I made a little money! And I got to chit chat to all kinds of folks, and practice my Spanish, and make an ass out of myself asking everyone if we had THE BEST yard sale signs they had EVER seen. (Seriously though? Our signs kicked every other yard sale's ass!!) (Also, I may have a problem with being a wee bit competitive). And it was so much fun to hang out with everyone!

Sara, and Ellen is there, too; Carrie, Gwen and Jen; Sara points to the miracle tree that gave us shade.

The guys hit the road for more X Games and hijinks....

... but not before some yard sale self portraits:

5) And Inspiration hit me!

When I actually saw the diminishing pile of stuff on my lawn, I felt this huge HUGE wave of relief because ya'll. The stuff I have. The volume? So scary. I have one entire room of just... stuff. Clutter. I am not kidding, it is a horror. I have a desperate need to pare down, but it all seemed so overwhelming and hard and... hello, Faith! Faith suggested we have this yard sale, and it was BRILLIANT. Because I made a little money and got rid of so much stuff, and it definitely inspired me to pare down, pare down, clean clean clean. On Sunday afternoon, I packed up three boxes of stuff for the Next Big Yard Sale. And that isn't even the tip of the snowflake on the Stuff Iceberg.

The paring down has begun... and it is so, so good.

6) Meeting new people!
Peggy and Brantlea both stopped by the big sailing of the yard, and they were so funny! And nice! And they're knitters! And aside from the horrible faux pas I made about equating weddings with funerals, and ya'll know, Peggy had just gotten engaged? Whoops! But aside from that it was so great meeting them. Also, I was sweaty. But in my defense, I was sunburned, tired and it was five thousand degrees outside. Ya'll come back soon! On a day when I have maybe had some sleep, and showered, and also people aren't stealing stuff off my yard?

7) Finally .... a Bob the Crackhead sighting!!

Now I did not get to capture Bob the Crackhead on film, because I was too busy pointing him out to all the people at my yard sale (Hey, Sara! Look over there! It's Bob!! The Crackhead!!) and ya'll, it's like having a celebrity in your 'hood, you know, the infamous kind. Furthermore, I am thrilled to see he's finally cleaning up the putrid pile of burned-out stank off his front yard. But apparently it takes HazMat teams wearing masks and special suits to accomplaish this task. Can I just say one more time, for the record ... METH LAB!!!! I am not paranoid!!!


Posted by laurie at August 9, 2005 12:05 PM