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August 31, 2005

Fancy schmancy remedial knitting

greyhat-pretty1.jpg

Yes, I know.

Another hat.

But I LOVE knitting hats! I love them! And they love me too! In fact, if I can't marry my Dyson vacuum cleaner, I may one day marry a hand-knitted hat! So there!

(Can you tell I'm operating on zero hours of sleep per night? Can you tell? Can you?) (And I can't watch the news, yet I can't stop watching. That's why we're talking about hats today, ya'll.)

Also! It has been so long since I have had ONE FULL DAY OFF WORK with no work work work and I have not done laundry in forever, since Lord knows I do not spend my limited free time doing laundry, and I am thisclose to running out of clean clothes to wear to the office. When that happens, I will have to call in STINKY. As it is, I am down to my desperation underwear -- you know, the Spy Panties (so-named because they creep up on you from the rear.) Yup.

Anyway! I'm not an advanced knitter, but man I sure do love to knit. I love seeing those decreases on a simple little hat stack up like so many petals on a daisy, I love seeing a scarf grow to lengths of absurdity, I love pom poms.

I also sniff yarn, so this could be a factor. I am also wearing hideously uncomfortable underwear, so that could be a factor.

Ya'll, I'm just going to go ahead and state the obvious -- I may never make it out of Remedial Knitting. And what's worse is that I am TOTALLY FINE WITH THIS REALIZATION. I just love to knit. Knit knit knit. "La la la, knitting is fun, la la, whoops! Look how UGLY this here scarf is! Boy, this is way uglier than I could have even imagined. And I have an active imagination. Um.... well. Guess I'll give it to my mom, har har, because she LOVES ME and she'll be OBLIGATED to wear it, HAHAHAHAHA boy I hope I have my camera 'cause man this is UGLY.. heh heh..."

Heh.

So, yes, I may be in Remedial Knit & Purl my whole life. I'm not crazy about lace. I'm not in a huge hurry to make a sweater. As it stands, I am still working on arguably the world's ugliest knitted object (see: Ugly Mystery Knitted Cat Thingamajig, coming soon to a padded room near you.) But boy I do love to knit.

So, hello, hat! Again!

I thought mittens might be too challenging to start without some help from my friends at Wine, Wine & Sons, Inc. Yet cruelly, I can't have alcoholic beverages while I am commuting to work -- so the next best thing to mittenknittin' is to knit on a hat during my bus ride. If I ever get a day off (Labor Day? BETTER NOT MEAN I AM LABORING DAMMIT) I will start making my mittens. Until then, I am still in Hat City.

The grey Patons Up Country wool hat (again: things you really need in the San Fernando Valley ... wool hats. To go with your Ugg boots. To ward off frostbite.) (but shutup! I love my Ugg boots!) anyway... where was I? Oh! The grey hat was becoming a bit stockinette-y. I wanted color, but a stripe suddenly seemed terribly passé, what with my panties up my hoohah and the dark circles under my eyes. So I pulled out my Book Of Hats, a much-beloved gift from Jenn of Knitwit Momma, and started looking for ways to make a sow's ear out of a lamb's wool.

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I have a blemish. The book barely covered it.

One of the hat patterns in the book uses slipped stitches to create a sort of woven look with different colors of yarn. I just used the technique on a few rows to see how it would go. After some untangling and a little improvising on color, it began to take shape and it's actually pretty! Me! Make! Pretty!

greyhat-pattern.jpg

Sure there were some touch-and-go moments. The bus is not exactly the smoothest ride, and my Addi turbos are slick, and sometimes stitches just JUMP OFF of THEIR OWN VOLITION.

greyhat-scary1.jpg


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At one point, I made the ALMOST FATAL mistake of looking up (OK, small side note here: some folks apparently are GIFTED and can read a book and knit at the same time. Ya'll, I cannot knit and chew gum at the same time! Thank goodness knitting isn't a competitive sport, or I'd be out in the back 40 growing cobwebs. I'm just saying is all.)

greyhat-really-scary'.jpg


But after I got the hang of it, the pattern just moseyed along at a good pace and I was pleased as fur on a frog, my hat was looking so good! This positive result was a much-needed inspiration. You see, about a week ago, I made the mistake of trying to read the Patons Urban Neutrals pattern for the fluffy coat on the front of the booklet. (Since I have ALL THE UPCOUNTRY in the country, it seemed like an obvious move.)

I studied the pattern. I scrutinized it. I wasn't even DRINKING. But for the life of me, I couldn't figure out the pattern and it all started reading like Greek, and my heart rate increased and I was sweating and I started to think I WILL NEVER EVER SUCCEED AT THE KNITTING BECAUSE I AM TOO DUMB TO READ A PATTERN.

NEED WINE.

Fast forward to this morning, on the bus, and me and my uncomfortable underwear are traveling at the speed of light to downtown Los Angeles (because light travels at 12 miles per hour, right?) and suddenly COLOR starts to look SO GOOD and holymoly I have a fancy schmancy looking hat that will fool my non-knitting friends into thinking I am a BADASS.

So maybe I should do more of this color knitting stuff. I love mixing yarn colors (even when I fail, miserably) (which happens, you know.) I like changing colors and making color combos and patterns, so maybe I need to try some intarsia or fair isle or ... whatsit? jacquard knitting? I think after the mittens, some funky colorwork is in order. This mosaic/slip-stitch knitting is the perfect place to start because a lot of it is written just like a regular pattern, with no chart.

Besides, my future Dyson husband may need a hand-knitted colorific cozy. You never know.


greyhat-pretty2.jpg

• Here is a little explanation on about.com.

•Oh! Free pattern for a slip-stitch dishcloth on about.com.

•And there appears to be a whole book about this kind of knitting.

•There's an explanation and a small sample motif on knitty -- for free!

•My favorite link so far is on Wendy's site, she has some amazing patterns that even I could follow and they are so pretty!

Posted by laurie at August 31, 2005 08:14 AM

Comments

gah! first!

Posted by: kendra at August 31, 2005 08:50 AM

and now for my actual comments!

if you are in remedial knitting, i am in the class where you get rubber knitting needles because they're afraid i might poke out my eyes.

i am so not knitworthy. but i keep trying.

and one of these days i will make something recognizable.

crocheting, however... well, i'm less likely to hurt myself with an acryclic hook.

Posted by: kendra at August 31, 2005 08:52 AM

B-E-A-UTIFUL. You are a much better knitter than you give yourself credit for! I still have not ventured into the scary world of fair isle/intarsia. Here's some inspiration for colorwork: http://lusciousgracious.com/blog/uploaded_images/sweater-777980.jpg She made that out of SCRAP YARN no less! Oh, someday, someday.

As for hat knitting in LA, who cares! I don't knit to be practical, I knit because I love it. Also, if you really want to make that sweater, take the pattern to your SnB. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes for someone to "translate" it for you.

Posted by: julia at August 31, 2005 08:52 AM

I started knitting a year ago after we bought a house we couldn't move into for at least six months. I just finished my tenth sweater. Nothing fancy, but lots of snugly goodness. Since I have no more drawer space, and I don't love in Alaska, I'm turning my OCD toward Dulaan.

Posted by: Carla Rey at August 31, 2005 08:58 AM

I LOVE HATS!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE HATS!!! I KNIT HATS, CROCHET HATS, SEW HATS! I don't care what anyone thinks. I LOVE HATS!

I also love your hat!

Faith

Posted by: faith at August 31, 2005 09:04 AM

who cares what you knit as long as you are having fun! Besides, any stitch/patttern out there could be put into a hat, plus you don't need alot of yarn. THat way you can buy fancy/expensive yarn and not break the bank. No guilt!!

Posted by: kniter in manassas at August 31, 2005 09:11 AM

Nice hat, baby! I laughed at your kitty comments. I woke up this morning to the sound of my baby kitty (Loki -- Norse god of mischief and trickery) methodically knocking every little thing off of my dresser. Check out knitty.com and that book Last Minute Knitted Gifts. You'll find a bunch of stuff you will like, I think.

Posted by: LeAnne at August 31, 2005 09:15 AM

"...fool my non-knitting friends into thinking I am BADASS" bwaahaahaahahaha! That needs to be your first pattern name.
And the about.com dishrag? I would think that if one were to publish a pattern with a picture that it might be square or something (oops, was that me meowing?) so you are not so far from publishing you own, your very own bus-worthy patterns, right? I mean, if the perfection faeries didn't shoot down the non-squared dishrag, that means we all get to publish! woohoo, go Auntie Purl!

Posted by: Ami at August 31, 2005 09:19 AM

awww man, stop knitting these awesome hats. I'm getting so sad that I can't do it. :(

Posted by: Valerie at August 31, 2005 09:27 AM

Awesome hat, Laurie!! Love it! But if you're at the stage where you're doing the "Think I'll Just Create My Own Pattern" knitting ... ya ain't remedial. Trust me. Now me? ... I look at your hat (which I bow down before ANYWAY) and I see your added color and I think ... HOW? But HOW does one change the color when knitting? Is it magic? How does one learn The Magic???

(See?... now THAT'S remedial!!! :))

Posted by: Kat at August 31, 2005 09:33 AM

Lurve the hat! Seriously, I'm showing the pictures to people and work and getting The Look but I don't care. Because the hat is that AMAZING!

Y'all know. The Look. The one that non-knitters give you when you go on and on and on about yarn and patterns and the way the yarn smells...

Posted by: taral at August 31, 2005 09:46 AM

I *like* your hat. So there.

Posted by: Jessica at August 31, 2005 09:57 AM

Thank you for the funnies - spy underwear & calling in stinky! I have become quite obsessed with Katrina aftermath and I needed this.

Posted by: Corrina at August 31, 2005 10:20 AM

I was just thinking about how my yarn smells exactly like the library. Or maybe the Natural History Museum.

I, too, once had an episode involving copious amounts of Patons UpCountry. Then I snapped out of it and took it all back to Michael's. I'm glad to see it found its way to you and you're turning it all into such cute little hats. :)

Posted by: parikha at August 31, 2005 10:27 AM

We always called it "Indian" underwear(because it creeped up on you), but now that unfortunately is not politically correct to say that. The hat looks great!! I love the pink and grey!!!

Posted by: cheryl at August 31, 2005 10:43 AM

I have been knitting socks. To get through my divorce and single motherhood of an 11-year-old boy when I am 49 and rising and trying to get back into the work shit when my line of work now pays one HALF of what it paid 5 years ago. Socks socks socks socks. I am even dying my own yarn in my crockpot (which I don't trust since I cooked beef stew in it a couple years ago and got food poisoning and threw up for 4 hours straight one night) for socks. Socks socks socks. I did knit the pieces for a sweater but have I sewn it together? Nope. But I've made 3 more pairs of socks in the meantime. Sock therapy.

Posted by: Patti at August 31, 2005 10:55 AM

The hat looks lovely! I love reading your blog-- so many tips and hints and good lively commentary. I'm a remedial knitter for life too-- I have about fifteen scarves now, all stripes and sizes.

<3

Posted by: Kathleen at August 31, 2005 11:02 AM

You just knit whatever your little heart desires. Hats, cat thingamajigs, mittens - who cares as long as you're happy knitting. When it starts to snow up here north of the Mason-Dixon, I will wonder why the hell I knit up a lacy freeze my butt off thing and not your hat.

Posted by: Kathy at August 31, 2005 11:05 AM

Just got an email newsletter from Mary Maxim, and they have many colours of UpCountry on sale. At least, the Canadian Mary Maxim site. With the exchange rate, it might be a good deal. Or, the US site might have it too!

Posted by: Tracy at August 31, 2005 11:40 AM

The hat looks awesome! You might check out a pattern I knit recently, the Nantasket Basket (http://tinyurl.com/d5c4a). It's almost as good as a hat, just upside down. And with a little felting to erase any mistakes you made. Plus, the slip-stitch colorwork to make the bricks? Super cute.

And I have to say, just looking at patterns doesn't make much sense to me either. They don't make sense until I sit down with the pattern and some yarn and needles. Just follow what the pattern tells you to do, and it magically all works out. Until you mess up. Which I do. A lot. But you know...go back to that first point. Pattern + yarn + needles makes more sense to me than just the pattern on its own.

Posted by: Emy at August 31, 2005 11:55 AM

I'm so jealous - I cant even find someone to help me learn how to knit!

Furthermore - I've never known anyone who has a Dyson. It sounds like they are worth the money?

Oh dear - I'm talking about vacuum cleaners now!

Posted by: Miss Mantoan at August 31, 2005 11:59 AM

Love the hat... I've been crocheting like mad the last couple of weeks, but I'm going to have to take a knitting class.

Posted by: vanessa at August 31, 2005 12:09 PM

Ohmigod, I'm sitting here with tears streaming from my eyes, and I keep yelling at my husband, "Now listen to this!" but can't read it out loud to him because I'm laughing too hard. Both my daughter and I * agree, you need to quit your workworkwork job and get a literary agent and devote your time to full-time writing. You are the funniest read on my bloglines. (* note: see, you appeal to a wide range of ages)

Posted by: KarenK at August 31, 2005 12:17 PM

Stop calling your knitting remedial, it’s making the rest of us (or maybe just me) look bad. I love the color pattern! I finished my first hat (it's on my blog, go look!) and it only took me six months. And it was crochet, not knit. Those double pointed needles, circular needles and pattern thingies scare me.

Posted by: shananigans at August 31, 2005 12:20 PM

*snort* stinky as a mediacl condition. *giggle*
Be careful of those Dyson Boys.
They really suck as boyfriends.

Posted by: julia fc at August 31, 2005 12:25 PM

That hat is beautiful! When are you going to start selling your hats on ebay?!

Posted by: Pez at August 31, 2005 12:51 PM

I think your newest hat looks cool.

I LOVE gray, so nothing in gray could look bad.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to knit other stuff.

You couldn't get me to make a doily if you paid me. I don't want to knit a poncho.

Does that make me a bad person? Here's where you say "NO!". Good!

So do whatcha want, with whatcha want.

But could you change your underwear, please?

Oh, and you can marry Mr. Dyson. I'm going to be a bigamist and marry Mr. Paper Towelling!

Posted by: Laurie at August 31, 2005 02:02 PM

Hey Lady--I'm from the South--so I figure we 're almost on a first name basis! I think your hat is looking marvelous and it has inspired me to finally try color work--which frightens me to death! And I'm also thinking of posting a blog--which would be great strides for me and my depression, I hope, I think...maybe anyway.

You have a lot of talent and a lot of guts--and not just with your color-knitting!! You've gotten thru a hellious ('s that a word?) andyou're doing wonderfully. That living out loud--something I could never fully do--I admire so much!!

Posted by: Trudy at August 31, 2005 02:11 PM

LOVE the hat....love the hat book. I also have the mitten book by the same authors, and LOVE IT!

You CAN do mittens. Just imagine how cute matching mittens to that hat would be!

I was going to post my blog....with the funky kids hat made from that book in which I used yarn dyed with Kool Aid....then realized not only did I NOT have a picture, but my blog hasn't been updated since February.

You say you aren't good at the maths but at least you rock at blogging!

I have a friend, her name is Mrs. Dyson. Truly.

Posted by: Lynae at August 31, 2005 02:15 PM

Damnit. That's not the Dyson Animal vacuum, is it?? Because I've been lusting after that thing since I saw it on Ellen (LOVE YOU, Ellen Degeneres!).

Frick. Now I'm jealous of you not only for your blogging and knitting skills ... but now for your vacuum as well.

This is getting serious. Is there a Blog Stalker/Jealous Knitter/Vacuum Envy Anonymous anyone knows of???

Posted by: Kat at August 31, 2005 02:26 PM

Woo! She'saslippin. I dig it!

Posted by: zib at August 31, 2005 02:31 PM

Beautiful hat! I love that book, and I love that pattern (I own the former and have knitted the latter), and I love the color combo you chose for it. Bravo! Even if it never does get cold enough in LA for you to wear it, Bravo. You need one of those slightly scary glass heads that sometimes model knitted hats and scarves; you can set it on your desk at work and it can model your lovely creations when it's too warm for you to do so. :)

Posted by: Julie at August 31, 2005 03:36 PM

uhmm would anyone hate me for admitting that I have a Dyson...?

and it is goooooooood.........

Posted by: Nancy France at August 31, 2005 06:06 PM

So cute! I love all your hats. Don't ever stop making them. I guess you could make other stuff too, just don't stop with the hats. What are you doing with all of them anyway?

Posted by: Vicki at August 31, 2005 06:23 PM

A few comments....first off all, the hat? It is lurvely! I have not yet graduated to hats yet and I am dying to try one, but ya see, you scared me with them. Because you mentioned hats and math and me and math don't mix. I would have my AA degree by now if it weren't for math. I just refuse to take the classes.

Oh and Dyson? Love them! Got one and we shall never be parted.


And lastly...about the donations for the animals? Thank you! When it comes to the animals, you are a girl after my own heart.

Posted by: Kim at August 31, 2005 07:23 PM

That hat is really cute.

I thought when I first started knitting, that I'd never knit anything more complicated than scarves, and accepted that. Here we are, 5 years later, and I want to knit mittens, and sweaters and everything else, and I have KNIT SOCKS, and a SWEATER. And what's more, I want to do it more and more. So, you never know.

Posted by: Jenn at August 31, 2005 08:31 PM

Ya know - as long as you enjoy what you're making, what does it matter.

And that is one spif-fay hat...

P.S. Hope the fam down south is okay!

Posted by: Eklectika at August 31, 2005 10:26 PM

Hey
Love the hat.... Thinking how I can make gobs of them for Christmas... Have you thought about felting them?

Posted by: Erin M. at September 1, 2005 05:40 AM

My boys and I have all adopted a new catchphrase: "Pleased as fur on a frog." HA! Love it. AND, love the hat too, by the way. Grey and pink are one of my fav combos. You don't give yourself the Knitting Credit you deserve, honestly.

Posted by: carie at September 1, 2005 08:32 AM

You go with your badasshatknittin'self (but mittens are good, honey. Trust me.) And is that a REAL stitch marker I saw? Not your baby ring? Must mean you are a real (as opposed to an imaginary) knitter now.

Posted by: Dusa at September 1, 2005 09:49 AM

I don't get it. But it's sure pretty.

I might have to get that book, I so love hats.

Posted by: marissa at September 1, 2005 02:42 PM

Love the hat. The stripey thing is so perty.

And yes, I donated $25 bucks to the humane society of the U.S. on Tuesday. Listen to Roy. Send money. He's a smart kitty. (Not to mention cute.)

Posted by: stacyo at September 1, 2005 02:59 PM

re: stitches flying off of needles on their own accord

Since you're so into hats (which tend to be round), you might want to pick up a copy of "Socks Soar on Two Circular Needles" by Cat Bordi (Amazon's got it), which contains a wonderful technique for replacing all those slippery DPNs with two circulars, off of which stitches do *not* fly! And it can be used on anything knitted in the round, not just socks, so don't let the title fool you.

I was strictly a scarf-and-shawl sort of knitter myself until I stumbled across that book, because I never could get DPNs to behave long enough to finish something. Now I make gloves, socks, hats, you name it.

Happy knitting!

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Posted by: Kevin Williams at December 6, 2005 06:01 PM

Hi,
I'm a scarf junkie, all my girlfriends got scarf's now, guss it's time to try a hat..
a big Hello from the Netherlands
Heikke

Posted by: Heikke at January 12, 2006 03:15 AM

where in san fernando vallley can i buy mary maxim latch hook rug yarn?

Posted by: Anonymous at June 17, 2006 08:27 PM