D'oh!!! What a dilema! I would say, hmmmmmmmmmmm, I"m sending them to my dad. Yeah, that's what I would do.

Not everyone needs to KNOW we're crazy. Sometimes it's better if they don't know.

Entirely unfunny, but direct and honest: This is a big event in my life. I need time to think and assess. I don't know of any reason I have to sign these immediately. Check back with me in a month.
(From a lawyer no less)

There is a fine line between living out loud and admitting how crazy you are to your trusted legal representative. I'd go with B - need dad's review. Then again, I can be a total wuss when it comes to that kind of thing. Of course, you could try denial. Just don't return your lawyer's calls for a couple of weeks...

Definitely "B". People do this kind of stuff all the time. LAWYERS do this kind of stuff all the time.

I say either B, Kendras advice, or a combination of the two.
Damn Mercury in retrograde. last time that happened I dropped my ipod in a cup of coffee (don't ask) and it fried the hard drive.

Either Kendra's answer, or a simple "something came up, so I can't get to them for a couple of weeks." Be vague, but firm...sort of a you-don't-really-want-me-to-spell-this-out attitude.

I agree with Kendra. Tell the lawyer you're going to wait a while. You don't have to mention Mercury...

I think you are doing phenominally well, and I love reading your blog.

I checked out your travel site, and you look so cool, international travelling chic, and Mr. X looks so goofy. I have a feeling you are way better off.

My thoughts and prayers are with you every day!

I like Kendra's idea; just say you need a bit of time to think, and will have the papers back soon enough. And don't bothering contacting the lawyer to explain...no explanation necessary. When he finally get ahold of you, then you tell him. That'll buy you some time. And please, don't say daddy needs to look at them. Let's get away from this paternalistic need. Not to say that men and dads are not wonderful, and of course we want to get their advice and support. But show the world that you can stand on your own two feet, dammit. Think of the karma good-luck points you can win with attitude!

One of your blogstalkers here. I find Valerie's advice to be very wise - tell your lawyer you need to take time and review the documents, discuss it with your family, stick pins in your vodoo doll, etc.

By the way, has anyone ever encouraged you to write a book? Not a big one - maybe one of those read-it-in-a-weekend books. That would totally solve your financial issues. Do you have friends in publishing - or is at least another of your blogstalkers in publishing?

Sending lots of good luck and fortune your way in the meantime...

Purl, Purl, Purl...girl, before the bad luck can completely run out and the good luck can start, you have to be ready and willing. That means end this chapter and start a nice, fresh, new one. Screw the horoscope and sign the papers. Wipe your hands of the ungrateful narcissist who didn't see your wonderfulness. Get the deadwood OUT of your life and tell the universe you are ready for good luck and lots of it.

Hugs...

Sending them to dad, definately. I'm betting that "I never received them" lawyers get alot.

I'd just ignore the lawyer's call and then miraculously send the papers back on August 16th. Actually, I'd just sign them now but I'm working on your decision to not sign them while Mercury is in retrograde. See, not knowing horoscope stuff can be a good thing.

Purl, Purl, Purl...girl, before the bad luck can completely run out and the good luck can start, you have to be ready and willing. That means end this chapter and start a nice, fresh, new one. Screw the horoscope and sign the papers. Wipe your hands of the ungrateful narcissist who didn't see your wonderfulness. Get the deadwood OUT of your life and tell the universe you are ready for good luck and lots of it.

Hugs...

Don't give the lawyer any excuses or reasons. Just say "I'll have them for you after the 16th of August".

I agree that B is a good option. At least then if you get asked for the papers, you can totally blame your dad for reading too slow. And I don't think he had to go "get his creativity back". I think he was just totally green with envy at your creativity. They can't handle that. Big babies, the lot of them.

oh i've learned not f*** with retrograde mercury - but that said, it doesn't HAVE to make for the bad contract karma. just be sure you read it carefully - maybe really do send it to your dad. and then if it gets lost (hey blame mercury) and maybe in all this it really WILL take til the 15th.

Enbe has the mature attitude, but hell's bells, did that get you anywhere before? If your gut is telling your to wait - then wait. As long as it does not affect the outcome of anything, stick with Kendra's advice.

And I also think Lori is dead on about you writing a book. You could call in "Missing in Acton". BTW I think you will find your trashcans at the displaced crackheads' new digs.

Your dad is right...it will change. It always does.

I don't know you from Adam, but I just wanted to make an interesting observation about luck.

My bad luck always comes in January. Like there was the year that a totally whackjob coworker wrote me a nasty note about how I do my job, my grandmother was in the hospital, and then the water pump in my car broke, and my car started to overheat. In January. In Minneapolis. And so when I had to take it in and get it fixed, the mechanic had to take the #$%*ing engine out to reach the water pump. And then when he had it all taken apart with parts lying all around the shop, the mechanic went and got freaking pneumonia. And no one else at the shop wanted to tackle the task of putting back together such a complicated puzzle, so I had to wait until he got better. I had no car (and no loaner) for 3 weeks, and it cost me $800 anyway. And surprise! I got the car back on February 1st.

This year in January I started a brand new job on the 4th (stupid, stupid, stupid) and on the 2nd I got a raging head cold that left me in a fog for two weeks.

I am almost afraid to get out of bed for the entire month because of the horrors that surely await me.

So it's not just you. And have hope...it is the only thing that keeps me going at the beginning of each new year.

By the way, I love your blog. It is so amazingly funny.

And I wouldn't tempt fate either. She's a total bitch who will kick you in the groin if you let her!

if waiting to sign them makes no (legal) difference, hell, wait to sign them. especially if it'll freak you out to sign them now, legitimate reason or not ;-) i don't see any problem with saying your dad wants to look them over.. seeing as i'm not a lawyer, and legal documents therefore = scary, i don't think it's at all implying "paternalistic need".. it's more "holy shit this is written in legalspeak, i'd be out of my mind not to have someone else look at it too"...

Why do Lori and Carole have the same advice. The EXACT same advice? Am I missing something?

Purl, lawyers are known for putting off until tomorrow what they should have done weeks ago. I wouldn't respond at all, for a couple of weeks. Then, when s/he calls you to find out the status, just tell him you asked a family member to look the papers over and you will have to retrieve them. Wait another couple of weeks to sign and return the papers to your lawyer.

Under no circumstances should you let any lawyer know that you might be a little, uhmmm, not really crazy but stressed enough to follow the advice of your horoscope.

You'll get through this Purl. When the time comes to sign, just close your eyes and do it.

Okay. I just figured out that Enbe had a duplicate post. My bad.

D) Lie. Send what looks like a broadcast email to the lawyer in the bcc field saying "Hi all! Just wanted to let you know that I'll be out of town until Aug 16th. Have a great time! I know I will!"

Just go on "legal vacation" for a couple of weeks. Ignore it and ignore the lawyer too if you can. Tell him you're taking a vacation and he might not bother you. Come on -- it's summer, everyone's taking a vacation... why not you? I totally don't mess with the retrograde. I must be just as crazy as you (if not more).

Hey sugar!

You lawyer is under your employ. You need not make excuses to him about anything what-so-ever. It is YOUR SHOW damnit! Tell him when he will get the papers and leave it at that. You owe him only the cash you have agreed to pay for his services. Its business, so its none of his business.

I think when someone you trust shits on your soul (creativity? charming) it is hard to take charge of life again. Southern politeness aside, fight the urge to make others like, relate to or understand you. If they don't get it, fuck em.

I say take a little time to examine the papers (a week and a half ought to do it) then theoretically send them to Dad for his theoretical opinion, using up another week and a half. Et voila - three weeks gone by and the papers can be safely returned. Not long at all.

And you're NOT crazy. It's the rest of the world that's crazy, and you're just swimming hard to keep up. Blanche may act a little crazy at times, but being one of the least acknowledged habits of a highly effective woman, she's allowed.

"OH, You're calling about the papers? Yes, yes, I did get them. Thanks so much. Yes, I will sign them and get them back to you just as soon as I can. Thanks again! Buh-Bye now!"

that's all you need say. And only if they call you looking for them. Don't be volunteering this info to them. "Hi, i just called to say..." Nope.

They don't need to know that the 'soonest you can get to them' is the 16th. Really. In this case, what they don't know, won't hurt them.

This one was *easy* :)

what else ya got???

*hugs*

~s

Take your sweet time to sign those papers! Your time is valuable just like your lawyers....so you'll get to singing them when you have a free moment to do so.

Go with the sending them to your dad option. If your dad truly wishes your bad luck to run out, he won't mind taking a little heat to help kick it out the door, eh?

Or you could just tell the lawyer the truth. Chances are he's already noticed the crazy thing.

B. no reason to worry about this.

B and C - misplace the sucker, tell lawyer you're looking for them. don't call him, wait for him to call you. if lawyer calls you around say august 4th or so, tell him you've "found" the papers and that you're going to send them to your dad to have him look them over. use the "he'll have them back in a week or so" line. august 15 tell him you found papers and you'll have them signed and ready for him tomorrow (august 16th).

sounds good to me.

if you need to postpone, i'm with Kendra on this. direct and honest and you don't have to run from yourself. what does it matter what anyone thinks? you are not going to be ready to hand them over until Aug. 16 and that is that.

however, for me, whenever i avoid something absolutely yucky like this, it completely ruins all the other fun i could (or think i could) be having. i may be hiking in the mountains, but i am really thinking, "oh drats, i need to..." And in this sense, i am with enbe. as nice as the avoidance can be, it usually holds me back from enjoying whatever it is i really want to do. but that is me, and my horoscope is probably different from yours.

I work in an attorney's office and we have people hold on to papers all the time. And they usually don't give a reason!!

I would go with (b)

But only tell him your excuse when he calls up bugging for them (because the other attorney will be bugging him).

No harm, no foul.

Since you have to be going through this, then you should sign them when you feel the most comfortable.

I vote "B". And do send them to your dad--why not? Better to be safe than sorry...what if there is something in there that you didn't notice that Dad does? And you don't need to tell anyone anything until they call you to bug you about them.

Being ever efficient, I would've chosen C in the first question and thus negating having to deal with choosing A, B, C or D to the second question. Hmmmm...or is that just avoidance?

Anyway, I agree with your dad. You get so much bad luck and so much good luck. It all balances out in the end. So I'd rather get most of my bad luck in the beginning.

I agre with Kedra's advice, but I also think that if we are basing our decisions on horoscopes, then we should also confer with a professional astrologer. Get yer whole chart thingy done, at least it will be fun.

I say bite the bullet, tempt fate and sign the papers. It's like pulling a band aid off. Take all the bad luck you can right away so it's not coming in dribs and drabs. That way the bad luck will all run out and by this time next month you'll be knee deep in good luck.
Or something like that.

Why lie about having your Dad review the papers? It isn't such a bad idea to actually ask him to review them. I did when I got divorced. It was nice to get someone else’s view, especially someone that wasn't as close to the issue/pain/release. Plus, your Dad sounds like a pretty smart guy...

I have never had a lawyer respond to me in a timely fashion; I actually think they operate on a different calendar than the rest of us. My guess is that you won't even hear from him unless the X is bugging his lawyer to get things wrapped up. And if that is the case, wait until Mercury is clear on the other side of the solar system just to chap his ass.

You don't owe anybody an explanation. The best would be if the X called to see why they weren't signed yet, and you could say, "Oh yeah I'll get to that. Are you in some sort of hurry for them?"

I am with Enbe on this one, Sign the papers and start a new chapter. Make sure if you are going to wait a little longer that your lawyer is not going to charge you 10,000 and a monster truck extra. Remember YOU are in charge, and the lawyer is working for you..
Keep your head up girl

(((((((((sending hugs and good vibes your way))))))))))))))

I say go with Kendra's advice. Don't tell him the dad thing -- then if he asks you'll have to lie again. And when I'm nervous, I lie poorly, usually creating something else that someone asks about later, just extending the lie into eternity.

Screw your lawyer and screw feeling guilty about how to approach him about it. You're paying him, he's not paying you. You don't have to answer to him! Let him know that you received the paperwork, and you will get it back to him at YOUR CONVENIENCE. Amen.

Okay, I agree with everyone who says to follow your gut. If you think in your heart of hearts you should wait, then do it. Otherwise, I have a theory.

I like to call it the "*sshole theory". In this theory you can blame all of the aforementioned bad luck on the *sshole who dumped you to find his creativity. All the bad luck in your life prior to him, was just part of the waves of bad luck that surround all *ssholes, you know, like the rings of saturn, or the debris flying around outside of a tornado. Now that he's gone, I say sign the papers and send him on his way. Before you know it, the bad luck is gone with him and you remember that you're in charge of you, and you are fantastic! Boom, bad luck gone.

For me that's a no-brainer. Play the daddy card.

Of course I'm one of those people who wouldn't admit to my lawyer that I had a voodoo doll of my ex because my lawyer could get called to testify when my ex's um, member fell off. I know there's lawyer client privilege and all that, but I'd end up with a male judge who sympathized with my member-less ex and he would make the lawyer talk.

But I'm paranoid like that.

And remember - when Mercury gets back on track and the papers are signed and all is good - there must be a party.

I am with stacy, I am sure you are paying lots of money to the lawyer to act on your behalf. He doesn't need an excuse.
He can spend the next three weeks playing interference from your ex and his lawyer--let them feel mercury in retrograde.

Me? I would say in my sweetest yet firmest southern voice "I'll get those to ya'll no later than Aug. 20th, thanks again sweetie!"

you don't owe anyone anything. you sign those papers whenever the hell you want. the ex can wait as can your lawyer.

I say hold on to the papers until you feel ready to sign, and don't even worry about having to explain yourself (attorneys seem not to understand horoscopes or karma anyway). As a former legal secretary, when we'd send something out for the client to sign we'd normally calendar the case file to be reviewed a month from the day we sent it, and a month later when it got pulled and put on the attorney's desk (where it would sit for another day or two or three) then he'd say, "Hey, we never got those papers back signed by Crazy Aunt Purl; better follow up on that . . .") and so it goes. Thankfully life is cyclical, so you're sure to be on an upswing soon!

Just a quick note to say that I find your blog hugely entertaining. You're a great writer and I especially love reading about your knitting adventures.

Please keep it up and yes, a book sounds like a brilliant idea to me.

Sign the papers when you're good and ready. No explanations necessary.

i was going to give you advice, but you already got lots of that. so instead, i will give you some very improtant knowledge. crazy aunt purl, you are a toffee-eating stealth monkey. now if that doesn't make you smile, i don't know what will.

we are all monkeys. http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/monkey

Definitely agree with everyone who says you don't need to give any excuse.

It's only like 3 weeks away. My guess is he won't come calling for them for another two anyway. Then just say you'll have them out by the 16th.

There you have it. No stress.

I enjoy reading your column and chuckle at my desk at work many times while reading so thank you for that! Regarding the "papers", I got divorced at your age (I am now 50) and I remember those papers and signing them. It is the hardest thing to do to close that door, but it will get better and you will go on. Never lose your sense of humor. Believe me, I've laughed at myself many a times by myself and my 4 cats. Hang in there.

Well, having them around hanging over your head and keeping you wedded to Mr. X might BE the retrograde. But if you feel stromgly that you must not sign them yet, hold onto them and don't explain anything to your lawyer unless he asks, and then tell him you need a little more time. If you want to send 'em to your dad (and I'm a big believer in family help), don't tell the lawyer. And having them get lost in the mail might be the retrograde in action.

Lurker in publishing here... Purl is an excellent, funny writer, but publishing a book almost never solves anyone's financial problems.

I feel like you've already got plenty of good advice regarding the singing of papers...but I would like to add on to one other point -
a friend told me recently that she grew 2 inches after she started doing pilates! I know it sounds crazy, but I'm willing to give it a shot to grow a bit.

Should I not be accepting a new job today with retrograde mercury?

My vote is for what Kendra said.

Oh shit goddamn FUCK. Excuse me. But I didn't even check to see when this sorry excuse for an astrological event was happening again.

I'm not dependant on my horoscopes. at. all, but even *I* know that Mercury retrograding REALLY REALLY SUCKS.

No wonder. That explains a lot.

I say trust your gut and wait. Your lawyer probably won't call for weeks anyway, and I'm sure he knows how to play avoidance with X's lawyer. You're a strong, intelligent, single women living in LA for crying out loud. You don't need to play the daddy card or any other excuse - you're signing on the 16th and that's the end of that!

The best part of this is that you don't even have to lie/pretend to lose paperwork/whatever for a month. It's only for LESS THAN THREE WEEKS (two weeks and six days, to be precise). Less than a month - no harm, no foul. Hold on to those suckers.

Thanks for being a voice of reason amid insanity. I appreciate your model that a woman will get by through humor, wit, and cats. I plan to get some cats shortly.

I guess I'm in the minority. Sign the papers and get on with your life, and flip Mercury a major bird while you're at it.

Okay, so here's my thought re the merc retrograde - doesn't that apply more to contracts that will be in effect going forward? Your divorce papers are not a contract in that sense, they are the end of a contract. I agree with everyone who said just sit on them if you want to, you don't need to offer explanations to anyone, I'm just wondering if there is another way to look at this.

I agree with everyone who said you don't need to give the lawyer a reason. Honestly, it is non of his/her business - you pay him.

I imagine that he/she will get back to you in a week or two looking for the papers. You then say sure, I will sign them and get them back to you.

Then you wait until whatever day you feel comfortable signing the papers.

As for crazy.....the one who needed to find his creativity sounds crazier than you.

OK...I agree with many of the above comments. It seems to me that you heed the advice of your horoscope...you believe in the powers of the horoscope. If you believe in it, then you must obey it....whatever your higher power is, go with it. I've worked with lawyers for over 20 years...yeah, they wait until the last minute to do things. You don't have to call your attorney now, just wait until you're ready to sign the papers, then send them in. If he calls before 8/16, just say that you're in the process of reviewing them and he'll have them soon.

Don't lie.

I love the live out loud approach, but maybe living out loud can be "Hey, you don't get to hear just how loud I am living, lawyerman." But don't lie. And not to your lawyer.

Just sticking up for the lawyers on the day my ex takes the bar. :)

111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 -- That was from my cqt Cally, my most affectionate and outgoing of the feline part of my family. What she meant to say (since "1" is not listed as an option) is tell the Lawyer - when they notice the absence of said papers - that you are not ready to sign them yet. period. They will have them within the month or shortly or you just sent them (if they don't notice until after August 15). What if they don't call, what then? After August 15 I'd just sign the suckers and be done with it! and then throw yourself a celebration for getting through it this far without kicking in the side door of his car or paintballing it. (They sell paintball guns and paintball ammunition at Walmart, you know)

That Cally, she's so smart!

If you always have bad luck, and you always follow your horoscope, maybe it stands to reason that you need to sweep away bad luck by doing whatever the hell you want to do -- without reading/following your horoscope.

If you don't want to sign the papers yet, don't. But don't sign because you don't want to, not because your horoscope says not to. Your lawyer (or more likely his secretary) doesn't care when you send those papers in. But, turning to the next page in the book of your life by signing the papers now and getting rid of Mr X seems like a good thing! Horoscopes be damned!

IF asked, tell them you'll sign them when you are DAMN good and ready.

I have to agree with the couple of people above who said option B, but do actually send them to your Dad. It sooooo never hurts to have someone you respect, love and trust look over legal papers. Good Luck!

Tell lawyer that you want to have these legal documents looked over by an attorney before signing them, and that you possibly may want to get a second opinion as well. Oh, and that your cats threw up on them.

W. :)

I'm with Enbe: give up the illusion of control, embrace the chaos, sign the papers, move on.

And damn, you write well. Write your story as you would like it to be, or write lots of different stories. Who knows if they would get published, but you'd have fun. I volunteer to be your editor.

Hold them till your are ready and no excuses to the Lawyer. Good luck with the retrograde thingy

Oh Aunt Pearl (sigh), why would a beautiful, full of life girl still pine for someone like him? If anything, I would think that you would inspire his creativity. He's the big loser in this picture honey. My guess is that you're not over him or you wouldn't still have his pictures up on your website (by the way, fabulous pics and fun travel!) On the other hand, you could be a great writer and have us all fooled :). Go with your instinct, but from experience, the sooner all of him is out of your life, the sooner you will start living again. You're the winner baaabie!

I doubt if your lawyer would be getting back to much before the 15th, but just in case...

What would Blanche do?

a)She would use them as a coaster for a couple of weeks, thus necessitating the sending of a new set of papers. All of this takes more time.

b)Leave them out where the law of averages says a cat will puke on them...which requires a new set.

Just tell him you need time to "review" the paperwork.

Darlin...knowing that the papers aren't going anywhere and that they don't eat bread...letting them sit for a few weeks isn't gonna hurt. What a pity that Mr. X turned out to be such a schlepp. WOn't hurt to talk about it with your daddy either...he loves you and looks like a bunch of other people do too.

Wow, 72 responses. We obviously have opinions. I am one who freaks about horoscopes so I wouldn't sign it until 12:01 Aug. 16th. That means you only have to stall for two weeks. Avoid calling the lawyer until Tuesday. Let him know its going to be a week or so. Call him on Monday the 15th and let him know you'll drop them by his office on the 16th. Problem solved. Good luck :)

Tanya

Absolutely B. I'm all for Live out Loud, but the lawyer's on a need to know basis, and all he needs to know is he aint' gettin those papers for a few weeks. My 2 cents. :)

And, I'm not gonna lie, I love Bliss's comment, living life by the creed of "What would Blanche do?" I mean, you can't really go wrong there, can you?

Exactly.

going with most of the herd on this one....
i'm with kendra. you're just waiting until you feel comfortable and ready.... that just won't happen to be until the 16th - no need to disclose the placement of mercury :)

Sign the papers immediately. Unless you're trying to torture your ex., Mr. X, in that case, wait until whenever but not cause of a horoscope. I enjoy reading your blog.

I say "C". It's the most guiltless way to go. Shove the papers under your mattress (or under your doormat, so you can feel the satisfaction of stomping all over them, if you like), and you will honestly be able to describe them as "misplaced," because they don't really belong there.

There's no need to go proactively volunteering an explanation to your lawyer. Wait for him to ask you first. Maybe he's so busy that he won't even ask after the papers at all, in which case you won't ever have to explain yourself :) Again, minimizes the guilt factor.

Even so, Bliss' advice is way better than mine. You can't deny cat puke.

WHAT?!?
Bah!
I'm of the opinion you don't owe anyone an explanation...EVER!
Why does your lawyer need to know?
But, what do I know...I'm merely a 33 year old, multi-cat owning woman named Laurie who is also (coincidently) currently single.
HOORAY for US!
delusionoftai.blogspot.com

Definitely heed the Horiscope!! Why not play "make everyone crazy" and simply say you want time to review and reflect and leave it at that. Mr X and all of the lawyers will be wondering "what the WFT??" and just avoid answering the phone or email about it except to say - "still reflecting and reviewing" and then in only 3 weeks (not that long!!) you sign the things. Why should you tempt the FATES who are simply waiting for you to TEMPT THEM? Go buy some yarn on sale and open some wine and reflect. Or take a trip out of town. Just sayin'

Though I'm not a horoscope follower, if it wouldn't hurt anything not to sign them till the 16th, why not? A couple ideas for excuses that may be little lies but that may sound a bit less crazy.

Umm... broken finger... can't write till cast is off... on the 16th (this may be tempting fate to actually give you that broken finger, but it makes for great blog material and keeps you from being a liar).

You're out of town on vacation for the next few weeks. Back on the 16th. This doesn't even have to be a lie as long as you're travelling in your imagination. After all, how many times have you thought your coworkers were on vacation when they appeared to be sitting right there in their cubicles?

"My cat ate my divorce papers (I'll get them back to you when they're 'processed')"??

And, you're right: bad luck carried to extremes sure is funny. That book idea wouldn't be half-bad. You've certainly got enough material for it.

Girl, I'm with the minority. Sign the papers, and get on with your life. I've been there. And hey, it was probably around this time of year too!

You're luck will turn once you start putting out the positive energy. Think about all the good in your life, and how you enrich others! Signing the papers and getting it over with will start you on that road. TRUST me - you're getting rid of what's bringing you down.

Tell him you sent them to your Dad...definately!

Quick question, and just a thought...have you always followed your horoscopes advice and had bad luck? Or are you following it now so you don't have more? hmmmmmmm could it possibly be that the horror-scope is causing the bad luck?

Sending good ju-ju your way darlin'!

I would PRETEND THEY DIDN'T ARRIVE YET, and then when they do come, say that YOU'LL BE SENDING THEM OVER TO YOUR DAD FIRST.

Put off, put off, put off! Excuses, excuses, excuses! And honey, you don't have to explain yourself to that damn lawyer! Who cares what he thinks! And if he calls you back to ask where they are, just say you're gonna call your dad and find out if the damn cat barfed on them, or something.

Considering how things have gone for you, I think the horoscope is better to follow!

Now serving #80-something.

If it were me, I'd sign 'em and get on with my life. Worrying about "what the lawyer would think" or "Is it the 16th yet" seems like a waste of mental energy (insert snarky comment here about not having the energy to waste).

HowEVAH, if you are the type of person who is gonna spend said mental energy worrying about retrograde, etc then I would hold on to them until you feel comfortable with signing them. IF the lawyer calls you (methinks he won't), tell you him you aren't comfortable yet(truth)and that you will have them to him by (insert date here). I agree with the earlier post about actually living life out loud which means taking the responsibility. If you want to send 'em to dad - do it, but don't use him as an excuse. And just be sure the lawyer isn't gonna charge you an "overdue fee".

Purl - though we have never met and we strictly have a stalker/stalkee relationship - you rock the casbah, girlie.

I am with Enbe -

your life is what you make of it. So sign the papers, fuck mercury, and get the bastard out of your life. "So long! buh-bye! Better off without you!"

Besides, this may save you some cash if the lawyer is calling you. Billable hours, baby.

While I don't believe in astrology, your peace of mind is the most important thing here. Play the Dad card. Who cares if you are not being honest? (argument from another comment) We ARE talking about an attorney here. It doesn't hurt anyone and will make you feel better, so do it!

PS Whatever you do, do not say you misplaced the papers. They will just draw up new copies and charge you for them!!

I like Kendra's advice. What is the rush to sign the papers anyway? Have your dad look at them. Hell, take your own sweet time looking at them. Nothing wrong with that. Think about it a little while. It's not crazy to be sure you understand what you're signing. All that could take, say, 2-3 weeks anyway.

I'd go with A. Or, what Kendra said.

Another crazy knitting stalker. You've gotten lots of good, sensible advice, but . . . I would call my lawyer's secretary on the 16th and apologize for not returning the papers sooner because I had been in the south of France with my 25-year-old lover, and ask her to call the Ex's lawyer's secretary to apologize (secretaries will talk - I were one), and I would promise to courier them over right away. But I do tend to be a bit of a liar, and I probably shouldn't corrupt you.

OK, I vote for DO NOTHING. Just wait until you're ready to sign. Does your lawyer call you every day, for heaven's sake? Is he even paying enough attention to notice that it takes you 3 weeks to sign? I bet not. If he calls, then you can fall back on B, but I bet he won't.

Take Kendra's advice. As many others have said, it's you who is paying the lawyer.

I also wonder if those papers didn't have a little conference with Mercury asking for some type of delay because they maybe heard how the other papers lived it up while they were with you? You know how papers can be, what one has, they all want. So take it out for wining and dining and don't forget the camera. Whatever you do, do what you feel most comfortable with.

Hugs, happy thoughts, and extra mental voodoo for you today! :)

Now you don't know me - and I live in Sydney, so am standing up-side down from your perspective - but isn't communicating with your lawyer (even to tell him that you're not going to do anything) one of the things you're supposed to avoid during Mercury in retrograde?
Come to think of it - isn't asking the world at large how you're going to not communicate with your lawyer something else that Mercury in retrograde is going to stuff up?
My advice - come up with a much crazier reason for not signing (there was a message written in the Nutella on your toast that told you not to do it...) - and then the 'Mercury in retrograde' will seem comparatively sane.
(But don't take my advice - Mercury is in retrograde)
Niall.

If you don't want to sign the papers until August 16th, then just don't do it. If the atty calls, don't give any excuses, just say "I'm signing the papers and mailing them to you on Aug 16th. Thank you for the call and goodbye."

B!!!!!! Totally, totally, TOTALLY B!!! Because, really, if you second-guess your intuition, you have only your own butt to kick when something screws up if you sign them before Aug. 15th, right? And really, isn't it kind of a great and funny thing to make Mr. X wait (and sweat) for a change, and also because you Dad (protector of daughters) has to review them? Too cool!

Listen to yourself, Purl, and rock on.

Purl darling, isn't your lawyer a connection of your dad's? If so, if you tell him that you sent the papers to your dad, prudence dictates that you actually do.

Personally, my choice would depend on whether I felt insecure about the legalese and on if my dad would actually understand it. Also, it's ugly bad luck to lie to your lawyer no matter what's retrograding. They get privately pissy about that. Just saying you know, based on years of working for lawyers.

(Would anything interesting happen if you didn't sign them for months? Just curious.)

I am an Alabama girl sheepishly admitting that I am basing the following statement on a STEREOTYPE:

Go with "A", you live in California for God's sake.

Actually, it could be worse (and here comes the "Someone-I-don't-know-at-all's-blog-seems-like-the-perfect-place-to-start-a-conspiracy-theory" moment).
Any coincidence that the US govt is pushing Iraq to finalise their constitution by (drum roll) 15 August? (what the Boston Globe is calling an "arbitrary deadline")
Niall

I think Kendra's advice is sound. You need time to review the papers (don't mention Dad, you're a grownup) and you can't see a reason to sign them on the 15th, and that you'll send them back as soon as you are able.

OMG I'm number 100!!! DO I GET A PRIZE??? :)

Well, you have enough advice, but this is what I have to say: obviously you don't want to sign them and hand them in yet, which is why you're asking for advice. Hell, it's your life, it's your divorce. Do what you want to do. The ball is in your court, make Mr. X squirm! What difference does it make if you turn them in now or on the 16th? How long does it take to get paperwork back from the attorney? ETERNITY! I don't think it's going to screw up their day if they have to wait on you for once.

I say....don't make any excuses. Tell them you'll bring them in when you're ready. And then, shake your fist at them. hehe

I'm sorry I didn't take the time to read the **NINETY NINE** comments before mine so if this is redundant, mea culpa!
He is your lawyer meaning YOU are paying HIM to represent you and look at YOUR best interests. You dont own anyone any explanation other than you need to take a step back and reflect and he'll have the papers in 2 weeks. PERIOD. If your gut instinct is to hold off signing for whatever reason, listen to your instincts!!!

I'm with Kendra and the others who say it's your right to "review & reflect", and if you have to do that until August 16th then that's what you do. I really doubt the lawyer will call up looking for them but if his office does call you just say what Kendra said, verbatim. As long as you're not jeopardizing your legal or financial position, delay.

But please don't "send them to daddy". You're a big gurl now, Purl. You don't need to demean yourself with that excuse.

Besides, the delay will probably drive "Mr Creativity" bonkers :)

OK, I know that Mercury in retrograde is an issue and causes concern.

IF this will really cause you angst, don't sign. Call the lawyer and tell him you want to go over the papaers carefully, think it through, and then sign and that you will call him when and if you have any questions. And do just that!

If this is worry that is "minor"...look at the papers carefully and then sign the damn things and get rid of that ass. Make him disappear right along with your trash cans. Then kick up your heals and celebrate that you didn't invest any more time or effort into that self-absorbed fool. Freedom! So while he is working on his creativity...enjoy yours because you already have it! Neener, neener, neener Always remember, the female goddess is the true creative force in nature.

And like Shetha said...fuck 'em. LOL, love that!

I had a friend who delayed the closing on her house because Mercury was in retrograde. And realistically, two weeks is nothing.

don't answer the phone when your lawyer calls!!! then sign on the 16th, send the papers on and forget July ever happened

Could be that your run of bad luck should be telling you that the horoscope thing isn't working for you. I say sign the papers and move on.

I love your dad, btw.

I think horoscopes are a pile of used kitty litter. There is no way that "universal forces" would punish you for being brave and moving on with your life.

Sign them when you're ready, if you want to wait, wait.

-Your fan from "Cow County" Wisconsin.

another redundant post but I wanted to echo Kendra and Carlarey: you don't owe these people any explanation. And trust me, the lawyers won't bother to call. IF IF IF they do, just say you'll have the papers signed and returned as soon as you can. I'm sure they're used to people needing time with something as emotionally charged as divorce.

I stil love ya and I've decided I'm gonna find Ms. Notaro's publisher and force them to read your blog under pain of death by labrador puppy kisses (sorry cat ladies, my landlord wouldn't let me have a cat.) If her books can be a collection of her columns then yours can be your blogs!

if it hasn't already been suggested tell him evil kitties puked on it and THEN BBBBBBBBBB
momy dies this all the time for REAL

i'm with enbe. based on your luck so far, the horoscope aint doing a damn thing for you. screw it. tell your lawyer you lost the papers, have him send you another copy, and then after you've signed them and given them back to the lawyer, burn the original copy in effigy. maybe have the cats help you do a little dance around the burning pile of the bad things that have happened to you. or have another barbecue and use the papers to light the grill! that is, if you don't have a propane grill or something.

Simply do nothing with them until the 16th. Your attorney isn't going to chase you down for them and if said attorney does, then say (insert brilliance here) to put him off. I think the "had to send to your dad reason" is legit and you can blame it on the postal service. It's not going to change anything if you delay signing them. The only reason an attorney is going to chase you down about something is if it means more money in his/her pockets.

I fear that if you wait until after August 15, it's still gonna hurt. It's still gonna suck. It might even hurt still, on the 16th.

And any secret, hypothetical pleasure one may hypothetically and understandably anticipate by the temporary turning of the f*ck you table, will be short-lived, if not a total disappointment.

I'm with the few who say just do it. Good luck.

So, you've probably had it "up to here" with all the advice, but here goes anyway.

First, if it were me, I would just sign and get on with it. However, that is clearly not an option for you, which I respect. So...

I've been a paralegal for more years than I care to admit, and I have to say that no one will care if you don't send them back for 3 weeks. Someone *might* call to follow up in that time, if you manage to get to the top of the to-do list. If that happens, I'm with Kendra. You will be speaking the lawyer's language if you say, "I'm reviewing them and will sign and return them as soon as possible. I'll call you if I have any questions." Then, you won't hear anything again for a couple of weeks at least, because 'follow-up with Laurie' is shoved to the bottom of the to-do list.

You can totally handle this. No worries! :)

I don't think "putting out the positive energy" will help your luck turn. You've been a veritable fountain of positive energy, and the world keeps shitting on you. You're in those "might as well laugh or I'll cry" periods -- and all you can control is how you handle all the shit. Literal and figurative.

If I were you, I'd sign 'em but -- if you felt comfortable talking to your lawyer (and you should since he's making a mint off your legal proceedings) -- also ask him a few things. Maybe tell him, "I'm signing these because I want to get this part of my life over with, but I'm not feeling particularly lucky lately. I'm nervous about signing a legal document. What should I look for when I review this?"

Then -- well, my advice is solidly in the camp of "screw the horoscopes and sign it, because you are totally WORTH being tee-totally finished with that man."

Although -- I do have sympathies with your hesitation. So hugs to you either way.

Hey, if your lawyer has been a lawyer for very long, he's probably heard it already, trust me. Many, many moons ago I used to work for divorce lawyers. Oi, the stories I could tell. Sorry to disillusion you, but on the nut bar scale, yours rates maybe a 2 out of 10.

Do whatever feels right to you. Unless you're this guy's only client, he probably won't even notice that you've take a few weeks to get them in.

Do you even read comments this far down?

I would consider two things:

1) that relying on my horoscope is unlucky and is a practice I should stop

and

2) what kind of crappy thing will the planets be doing on August 16th?

Go ahead and tell the lawyer you are waiting for Mercury to get out of retrograde. We're in California for criss'sake. He'll understand!

And the "bad luck run's out" theory? That's seriously a crack pot idea. It doesn't run out, honey, sorry to tell ya!

I'd go for option A - LIVE OUT LOUD. Embrace your craziness. Who cares? He's your lawyer, if you can share this with all of us out here in cyberspace what's one more person to know you're crazy (the good quirky kind of crazy, at that)? Even if we try to hide it, people always know who the crazy ones are :) Now I have to go get another cat, knit, and discuss stuff - with myself, out loud, and in public, of course.

I wouldn't call him and volunteer any of this. Wait for him to call, which should be around the end of next week, and then you only have to stall another 10 days. Then tell him what ever you want. Trust me, if he has much of a practise at all he has heard crazier things.
Actually, he won't care. Your soon to be ex-husband might, but do you care?
Thought not.
Good luck!

Laurie, I have laughed out loud a number of times while reading your Crazy Aunt Purl Blog. Thank you for sharing your humor about life, with it's twists and turns.

Waiting to sign the divorce papers until you are comfortable is fine. You don't need an excuse. Go with your gut.

I also agree with your Dad that your Bad Luck is running out. It'll be all gone on Aug 17th. Mark my words.
Bonnie

My horoscope said i should send out the very email that I was thinking about sending out in two weeks. So, I sent it out. Disaster. Stupid horoscope.