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June 24, 2005

Stitch n' Bitch 'n Pantyhose 'n Lawyers, and one good hat!

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This morning:

I broke a sweat pulling on my pantyhose. You could look at this two ways:

One: Go for a jog.
Two: Don't wear pantyhose.

After flopping on the bed and exercising my most colorful and unladylike vocabulary, I selected option Number Two.

The pantyhose were intended to make a positive showing at the lawyer's office. All that would have shown, however, was some telltale control top ugliness around my knees, what with me hobbling to keep the crotch from rolling down to my ankles. Classy!

And here's a funny thing. Turns out that lawyers have these things called "billable hours." Ya'll, I am SO in the wrong vocation. I can't bill people for jackshit. Plus, on June 30th? I thought I'd walk out of the couthouse divorced. But no. Marriage? It's like trouble -- easy to fall into, hard to get out of. You can hitch your wagon to any old Joe in under an hour but getting un-hitched takes an act of Congress and several months of billable hours. Fascinating.

Coincidentally: For sale by owner, several lovely and RARE cats, GREAT source of free poop! Your miles may vary. $1700/per cat OBO.


Last Night:
We had some very special guests at Stitch 'n Bitch this week! Jennifer's mom came with us! And Shannon attended for the very first time. AND I learned to crochet from Ellen! I have never been so excited!

Now I realize that if I were to meet a hot guy, say, on the street (because this is such a likely scenario, but work with me folks) and anyway, if I met said hot guy and we were chitchatting and so on, then he asked me what exciting things were happening in my life, and I told him, "Well, my best friend's mom is here in town helping her feed her cat, because Ethel has been so sick! And anyway, Jen's mom is coming to Stitch 'n Bitch and I could just die! I am so excited! We get to knit and chitchat and maybe I will even learn to crochet! And Shannon's attending and her mohair is to die for!"

Anyway, surely he'd be flinging his clothes off right there and begging to buy me diamonds, being that I am creature like no other he has ever met, full of CHARM and EXCITEMENT.

Coincidentally, Carrie happily announced at Stitch 'n Bitch "I HAVE DONE IT!! I HAVE PICKED UP STITCHES!! I FIGURED IT OUT!!" and then, after a moment's pause, she said, "Do you think men will ever understand the exciting moment I just shared here?"

Carrie. A woman after my own heart.

There was cake and wine and happiness. It was a good way to end the week. Lately the not-sleeping has returned with a vengeance and I was so tired and half-wrung out that I took only unflattering pictures, made bizarre small-talk about yarn and rain (sorry, Mary-Heather, please excuse the zombie! whoops!) and also, perhaps, held onto Shannon like she was my life raft.

  

   

   

   

Oh, that last row, the middle picture? That's Sara's beautiful crocheted shrug. Sara is amazing, she also made a knitted handbag that I fondled last night, and she made the gorgeous boho chic skirt she was wearing. I need to dig out my sewing machine and make some summer clothes, Sara is a total craftygirl inspiration.


And FINALLY! Success! I finally made a hat that fits! This is the orange/pink hat redux, since the first one I made was a wee bit on the large side. Laina was kind enough to claim it fit her, but it was still too big. Hi Laina! Miss you!

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(sorry, no big pics. I'm tahred.)

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It has only taken five hats and eleven hundred froggings, but I may have figured out the secret to gauge at last. Surprisingly enough it DEFINITELY DOES NOT involve wine. Funny how the drinking and the math do not mix. Now if I could figure out a way to do a gauge swatch on my circs without having to knit entire rounds, that would be ideal. Got any suggestions?

Every single hat I make must be knit up on size 11s. My one pair of Addi Turbos are size 11, 16" circular needles, you see. Then it occurred to me in a flash of BRILLIANCE that mayhaps these fabled Addi needles come in other sizes! I can't wait to go to Unwind this weekend and get another pair of needles, Shannon and Karman got me an Unwind gift certificate for my birthday! And I'm going to make my dad a hat with ribbing and now I can do it up right, with a smaller Addi Crack Cocaine Needle on the 2x2 ribbing and switch to a larger size for the body of the hat like a REAL KNITTER!


Me: Hey, I need you to measure Dad's head.

My mom: I see.
(pause)
My mom: Is this something that has to be done on the sly while he's sleeping?

Me: Um, well, if that's what floats your boat. But I kind of don't want to hear about it. Geez. Gross.

My mom: I'm going to act like I did not just hear that.

Me: So, I need you to measure your head too.

My mom: I don't THINK so, miss!

Me: Oh please, it's not some weird science experiment! I'm making ya'll some hats!

My mom: I see. Well in that case, we'll measure our heads.

(My dad, muffled in background: you said we're doing WHAT?)

My mom: Your daughter wants me to measure your head.

My dad: No one comes near the noggin.

Mom: She's making you a hat.

Dad: Is this going on the internet?

Mom: What do you think?

My mom is a wise woman.


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Posted by laurie at June 24, 2005 2:03 PM