Sometimes, the June glooms come whatever the weather. The bad news is: the memories of the good times will always be with you, and you'll miss them, kinda like the taste of icecream when you were a little girl (it never tastes really as good as it did when you were a little girl)

The Good News: Soon, (tho it'll feel like most of your life) the memories will be not quite so painful. You WILL find other GOOD STUFF in your life that will relegate those overcast overseas romantic days to the same place as that memory of the taste of icecream when you're little. PLUS!

After the court date, I suspect you will remember just why you ARE better off without someone who is mostly all about HIMSELF.

There are guys out there who make their loves the center of their lives. There are women who do the same. I have seen marriages that lasted past the death of the spouse, I have seen partnerships, (oh, someday we WILL be allowed to call them marriages) that have lasted lifetimes as well.

Love is Laurie. Sometimes, we get a chance to take a breath and learn to love ourselves. Then, when that other half of your self comes along, you'll be ready to love that half as he should be, and be ready to accept and EXPECT that love as well.

How do I know? Went thru it too. Got a man now, who regards me as the person he'd been looking for all his life. And, the good news is: he's just about convinced me that I'm worth it.

Love IS, Laurie,
Love IS.

Nancy France

You are going to be ok. I promise. Pretty soon it won't even come and go. You will stop thinking about it all together. I promise you. I have been there.

I think those feelings will always wash over you...and while now they are washing over you like monster big breakers that cover your head, soon they'll be small waves that hit your knees and make you feel chilly, then it will be more like warm lapping at your toes. All I can tell ya is to ride the breakers and look forward to the calmer times ahead.

I'm originally from Wyoming and the non-weather out here depresses me and makes me uncomfortable and homesick a lot. I'm always nostalgic for Wyoming even when I know in my mind that I'm out here in California for a reason.
Anyway I've been blog-stalking you for awhile and your wit and humor always make me laugh and make me appreciate all that I've found out here in Cali--knitting for one! You are an amazing writer and I hope that you're able to buck up through the June Gloom--maybe try heading off to the yarn store and starting a new project, that's my usual Rx.

I've been blurking you for a while, I love your site, your writing, your humor.
I don't usually comment anywhere but I feel like I have to say something right now! You are a rockstar! You are beautiful, talented, funny, FUNNY... lucky people who get to hang out with you and knit.
I'm a knitter too, wish I could stich and bitch with you. For now, I'm with your wirelessly...
Know that there is one more person out in the world who has your back.

I hear ya, girl, especially the last bit about missing something that wasn't so great at the time. It sucks, but the spaces between the feelings going away and coming back get bigger.

And you *are* a rockstar, and he's a weenie with a goatee. :-P

It's sunny up here in Northern California, so hop on a plane! (In August, however, we may have some of your marine layer.)

like you said, there will always be something. sometimes it's something quick,like an image, or a smell and the memories wash over you and take your breath away. but then one day they come without the gut wrenching sadness. it's hard to explain, there is still pain..but it has dulled just enough. someone told me "this will make you stronger." i wanted to punch him. but in the end it was true.

In other parts of the US, they talk about Seasonal Affective Disorder when there's not enough sunshine during the winter. Back in SE Missouri when I was a kid, seemed like we never saw the sun from before Christmas till Easter. Yep, the Glooms are a PITA. Go knit somewhere, something bright - hey, got any of that fabulous orange and fuchsia yarn left? That stuff is a party in itself!!

I'd offer you some of DH's famous margaritas, but it's not quite Happy Hour yet. (And it's ironic that our overbearing lime tree runs out of limes just in time for Margi season! They're not back till October.)

Margi Hugs!!

(((HUGS))) I have been there too (including the James Taylor aspect), and I completely agree with the lovely intelligent ladies who also blog-stalk you-- it WILL get better. And once in a while, there will be a wave of sadness, but it will hurt less and less as time goes by, and in the meantime, just know that you are a wonderful, clever, hysterical, gorgeous and talented knitter who gets tons of love from complete strangers every day!!!

I've been there too. I remember one time in particular about three months after my first divorce. (I've had two ... but my third marriage is in its 11th year.) In my devastated post-divorce gloom, I remember huddling on my nice new sofa, soaking the upholstery with tears and snot (I am not a dainty crying gal), and also wondering what the hell I was doing crying over a jerk who didn't value me at ALL. I answered my own question with my next wail: "I want my life back!"

It wasn't that I wanted HIM, per se -- although that was part of it. I wanted that point of reference, that shared history, that intimacy -- even from a bad relationship. We'd dated for four years and then were married for four years. Eight years is a lot of history to just put in a folder and slip into the desk and never use again.

It is so very easy for me to say from my vantage point, but I can tell you from two-time experience, that it *will* get better. There will come a time when you'll just smile at a memory you had with him. I can smile now when I think about going to Mexico (where we vacationed), frown without getting blue when I remember what a jerk he was after I had some burn injuries at work, and tell embarrassing stories about him and his personal idiosyncracies (he didn't like me to lock the bathroom door, for some bizarro reason of his own) without getting caught up in the I-wish-I-wish-I-wish wash of emotions. And it's easy to do that because where I am now, I *don't* wish to be back there.

When you're feeling loved again -- and you will -- I predict that you'll find that those "I want my life back" pangs will get less piercing and eventually fade into what bad Hallmark card writers would call bittersweet memories that just remind you that you are a fabulous, interesting woman with a rich, varied, and deep history that includes pain, lessons learned, and daily joys.

Best of wishes and hugs from your online buds in the meantime.

~ Carolyn B.

What a beautiful entry.

"the lushness, the denseness of the humidity and the green and the rain and the heat were too passionate, too ardent, dangerous to a young girl with a vivid imagination who wants, endlessly, the wanting and the wanting to inhale life, to breathe it."

Boy do I remember that. Be proud of your huge heart and capacity for feeling. It means you are a good person, and full of possibility. Thanks for the real, as well as the funny. You rock.

Hi, I just discovered your blog. I'm sure I'm quite a bit older than you, being in the "latter part" of my 30's.....when I was in my early 20's I got divorced. The pain was unbelievable, i did not choose the divorce. I thought I would never recover, thought I was falling through mid-air. I guess i can say "I feel your pain". Hang in there, it will hurt but it will pass, and you will carry with you a greater compassion for the human condition.

Like the others said, you'll be fine. Been there, done that, got the Tshirt. I still get those memories rushing back, too, but now I just shake my head and say to myself "Why the hell did you marry him?" :)

As for weather, come to Colorado. That will take your mind off things! My kitchen window was broken by a hailstone the other night while I was hiding in my basement (tornado warning). Nothing like the fear of death to take your mind off things.

I'm with Janet, come see us up here in Northern CA.... it could kick off the Laurie World Tour. Not a bad idea, really, to travel the world and fill those sad moments up with new memories that don't involve Mr. X...

I'm purposely not reading the other comments, so others may have suggested this. What you need is a fullblown AFFAIR. Not a love affair. AN AFFAIR. Wild mind-blowing sex to erase the festering vestiges of someone who didn't value you enough. Yes, this is shallow. But shallow is what you need now. I'm not suggesting death-defying sex with a casual stranger. I'm suggesting giving yourself over to safe unemcumbered sex that will remind you that life is good, life is not over and you WILL love again. I promise you will. But next time you'll make sure you're loved in turn.

hola chica!! here in san diego we have may grey and june gloom, but i must be the only californian that loves it so much. i hate when the warm weather comes, even though it brings sunshine. i think back to when i divorced, and going through the same when my current husband divorced. even thought we initiated it still wasn't easy to see the end of something that had many fun times. this seems impossible now, but one day you'll remember the vacations and not hurt quite so much about the ex part of it. perhaps you need a trip to sunny san diego with its ZILLIONS of yarn shops. and we knit at bars hint hint hint.

love you girlie.

Your entry once again touched a chord. YOu have a knack for doing that. With so many of us. It reminded me of some work I did once about transitions. Transitions, good or bad -- or both, are hard, because we're letting go of what was. Even much-looked-forward to trasitions are hard and you have to say good-bye to something. Anyway, it just made so much sense to me and it helped me allow myself to mourn what was and embrace what was to come.

I dated a lady named June Gloom once back in college. Lovely lady; a bit moody. ;)

Aww....it's crappy weather here in Spokane, WA, too! And although I love "doom weather", it is still crappy.

Just remember that you are strong and that all of us here on the "internets" love it when you have happy posts! So remember that Mr. X is NOT worth glooming over...just think of the goatee...and the earring. ick.

Aww....it's crappy weather here in Spokane, WA, too! And although I love "doom weather", it is still crappy.

Just remember that you are strong and that all of us here on the "internets" love it when you have happy posts! So remember that Mr. X is NOT worth glooming over...just think of the goatee...and the earring. ick.

I totally understand moods relating to weather, and wanting the rain. I LOVE a good thunderstorm, there is something cleansing, purifying in listening to the thunder, and hearing the driving rain patterns.

Anytime you need a break from the left coast, come on over the to right side of the country - you're always welcome!

And the meloncholy, the nostalgia is all part of your healing process. It doesn't feel like it while it is happening, but at some point you will look back on the James Taylor days, and the June Gloom moods, and realize you grew, you survived, and you are better than OK - you are living your life, on your terms. (And I don't think you realize just how close you are to that point - anyone reading your blog for more than a week should see the definative changes in you!)

Chin up kiddo - you are NOT alone!

Laurie, I'm sorry you are feeling so down and I hope it soon passes.

Ah too many wise words said before this (not very wise) word or two.
Would it be fair to say you miss the relationship more than you miss the man? You even say your marriage wasn't that great....
The waves will get smaller.

Your post strikes a chord (cord?) with me today, Laurie. Though I have never been through a divorce or a marriage, I do understand the need for affection. Sometimes I wish we didn't need affection because my life would be all the better for it. Sometimes nostalgia can be good. Crying can be cathartic. Remembering the good times along with the bad can help us overcome and sure, we feel like crawling into a dark corner for a few days to lick our wounded pride, but in the end, it helps grow us into the person who does Move On and Live Out Loud.

I know without reading them that the comments to this post are full of assurances of your wonderfulness and beauty. I'm pretty sure everyone here would love to scoop you up into a giant cuddle and give you nothing but warm fuzzies for the rest of the day.

Let yourself feel and remember that we all love you very, very much :)

Two things:

1) I'm betting there really wasn't all that much physical contact for a while there (all those head pats and hand holds were waaaaay back, and possibly even imagined).

2) As I told my ex (soon-to-be at the time), the memories fade with time and so does the hurt and the missing it all. He didn't believe me then, but later he told me I had been right (and he didn't have the live-out-loud philosophy - he was clinging to the misery like Freud's wrinkled undies clung to his crack). And, since we really weren't right for each other, we really are better off now.

So, just try to remember that, though there are down days, there will also be up ones. And, time is a wonderful healing medicine. And then, when you need to let it all out, you need to just let it all out. Go ahead and pull the car over and do it.

we don't have so called June Gloom - we have spring - aka RAIN EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS...
Although we were unimpressed by the June Gloom we experienced in L.A. we are still willing to arrange a house swap - you come live here in June and we will live there. HA HA HAAA?
Not sure if Daddy is included in the deal - he pats me on the head I'm sure he could pat you on the head too.
but I guess you don't want rain so maybe this deal isn't so good. hmmmm...

Oh honey. You have me in tears. We are total strangers to each other, but your words hooked this Southerner right in the heart.

I think your blog is terrific, and I think YOU are terrific. Take care of yourself, lady.

♥

here's what i got --

there will always be something that makes you remember and there will always be the chance that that something will make you cry.

but the more time that passes, the more Mr.X becomes just one piece of Your Memories, no less (but no more) significant than the new notebooks.

At the risk of bringing up cliches, the song, 'There is always something there to remind me' comes to mind. There will always be things that will trigger memories, whether you want them to or not. But you know, embracing the memories are part of moving on and an indication that you are strong enough to do this.

What a lovely piece of writing, Laurie. I can completely relate to those feelings of wanting to inhale life, of feeling things so deeply that I didn't know how to express it. And I couldn't tell him and when I tried, he didn't understand. Not blaming him, just saying. So I stopped trying and he stopped trying and now we are apart. We weren't really right for each other from the start but we managed to have some good times along the way and I still get pangs at times. But it does get easier. The crying does stop. And now I feel things more fully. Hopefully someday I will meet someone who understands when I talk about it.

Hugs to you.

We've been having "why in the hell do I need a wool sweater in June???" weather here in lovely (my ass) Western North Carolina. As another soon-to-be-deevorced Southern girl, I feel your pain. I was going to say how much I want to be your newest blog-stalker. Instead, I offer hopes that your pain, and mine, will begin to fade. Hang in there.

Sometimes I think that the most wonderful thing about being a human being is the emotional part. And I think that your lows are equal to your highs. For you to love so much, you have to be able to feel hurt that much. Otherwise, you're just kind of a 'numb' being. So you can totally feel alive in your heart and soul because you know how to really feel love. Sadly, you at times will really feel 'heart' pain. But that is so much better than being 'numb' all the time as a human.

After a childhood of abuse, having cancer, losing my Mom to cancer and my Dad unexpectly nine days later to a heart attack, and then finding my current boyfriend at the time, doing internet porn all the time, I still look at the clouds and just marvel at the cloud ships in the sky, and the green of the desert, and the little baby raccoon that just died.

Laurie, you are such a FABULOUS PERSON!!! Your 'beingness' so shows through in your blog!! You are smart and kind, funny and oh-so giving!! You truely FEEL as a human being!! And someday, when you're laying on your death bed, you won't be thinking about your idiot EX. You will truely have known how great the human exerience of human emotion is because you played with it's highs and lows in real time!!! THAT takes so much COURAGE!! It's easy to be numb all the time. It takes guts to hurt. Because it means you cared about something. And, we don't always win. But look at you!!

You just keep on keeping on!!! Breathe!! You know where the good stuff in this life is!!!! You'll find it and touch it and grab it again!!

No worries!! Friends and sandwiches and wine. Nothing is better!! And, I'm STILL waiting for fish tacos at the beach. You have a beach there? Right? Hugs, Kim

You are an amazing writer. And as I am with all amazingly talented writers, I am blown away by your ability to honestly pour yourself out onto paper (or pixels) for the whole world to share. Relish the good memories, know that even better ones will come to you. The world is yours Laurie. Enjoy it.

Laurie, the June Gloom gets you back here in the east, too. It is especially not fun when one would have had a 23rd wedding anniversary this month if a spouse had not decided to end things this year. I have experienced a lot of what you feel, but look at the poetry of your writing from these experiences. Hopefully, the poetry will become more hopeful soon, and still remain as lovely. My advice, find your softest kitty, and give her/him a nice long pat! Listen for that purr that says you are the most wonderful "purrson" in the world, and remember you are valued! Lowers blood pressure, too!

Awwww, Laurie.

Of course all those feelings are going to wash over you from time to time.

I was talking over the fence with my neighbour today. Her ex's father died yesterday. (They've been divorced for a long time.) She told me that she lit a candle for him and told her "grown up" kids it was for their father and the loss of their grandfather. Her daughter thought it was odd - but my neighbour told her, "I may not like your father very much, but there is always a part of me that will love him; we shared so much history."

You have a history with Mr. X. You're mourning the loss of companionship, the loss of someone who knew you well, who understood you, and with whom you shared a part of your life. You're allowed to mourn that loss, even though he has turned into someone you may no longer like. Just be sure to pull off the road when you get weepy with Mr. Taylor.

I hope your sun comes out tomorrow. Take care, chickpea!

once again, the freaky weird parallel universe-ness strikes...

i lost it today, alone, over a love scene in a really, really bad murder mystery book. and the fact that on a sunday i got to listen to my roommate's fiance leave our apartment to go get them coffee and bagels for breakfast - something my ex used to do every weekend.

and of course, now i read your blog and realize that for maybe the one day in all history of all time when cali was cloudy WHILE new england was not, there's someone else kinda going through a similar thing. while my ex and i both drive vw's, i think i realized that we were only really, really happy when neither of us were in grad school, working, or stressed out, which wasn't enough. i mean, when in life isn't there stress? especially since she wanted to be a lawyer and me a corporate executive...

anyway. i echo what everyone here has said, but also wanted to let you know that your blog is nice for me to read in some weird, knitting/laughing/blame rumsfeld therapy kind of way. :)

Dang, CatBookMom... it is ALWAYS happy hour!!!!!

Laurie, it's ok to be sad.

I just have to say that I am totally enamoured of you.
I wish I had something inspiring or empathetic to share, but I don't and I refuse to make sometime up. Thank you for sharing your moment with us.

xoxo
c

Argh!
That was reading about my failed relationship with my husband! Hugs via the internets, dearie. I know what you're going through. Mind you my soundtrack was Air Supply. Hyuck, hyuck, I can't believe it either!
Keep cool, sister. Thinking about you.

Yes! It is so the June Gloom's fault!

I have to say that I love your blog and you have such a way of taking the not so good and making it funny because laughter is the best medicine!

That's it! You've GOT to go out and get a man. But just for one day.

Ah, just joking, actually. I was in Santa Barbara today at the zoo and feeling the same feelings. The weather is terrible, isn't it?

I guess we could be in some tropical area in, let's say, Southeast Asia, and feelin' the love and then all of a sudden some big wave comes crashing in and over us...next thing we know, we're hanging on a tree and then living to tell the tale on Oprah.

And don't you hate the people who always point to the less fortunate to make you feel better? So, I'm sorry for doing just that.

You'll get through it, darlin'. I swear. I'll have some wine and think of you tonight.

With this one post you've reigned in all of my emotions over the past two months. Our marriage has been well and truly *struggling*-- a term we've all heard bandied about, with which I am now on close and personal terms. Even when things don't end (in divorce), there is still mourning for what was. I have been in limbo for months, and my friend said it best when she said I needed to know where he stood, even if it only gave me something to mourn, so I could grieve. There is nothing wrong in grieving for the life you had before he went and blew it, because this is a life change that you simply didn't want. Hardly anyone wants that kind of decision made *for* them rather than *by* them.

You are an amazingly articulate, intelligent, creative woman with a ginormous heart, and when the right person enters your life they will be as blessed to know yoy as you will be to know them.

Again, thank you for baring your emotions to all of us. You honesty buoys me up when I'm feeling alone in all of this mess.

I understand those days. I've been divorced 6 years and it does get easier. But I think that it's also healthy and healing to have these days. You realized you still want that other special person to share your life with. And while you miss Mr. X, you are now able to see that things were not as great as they could have been.
So, even though days like these are hard, go with them. Mourn what should have been, get those tears out, and begin to think about what awaits you. (besides all the wonderful knitting times!!). There are men out there who will give you what you deserve and you won't need to wait for vacation.
But most of all, remember you are not alone. Many of us have been through the dreaded D. And much to my amazement, I lived through my dreaded D, and came out of it a much stronger person.

What a beautiful post. "the sky was grey and wrinkled like Freud's underpants" really caught me, it's just soo...Tom Waits. Love it!

We've just had 6 weeks of Freud's underpants and this weekend was the first weekend remotely resembling summer. It's about freakin' time.

It sounds like you're due for a trip down to the south, some serious thunderstormin' and maybe some down home BBQ.

God bless you, sweetie. I have been divorced for ten years now and have therefore known the pain you are feeling. It does get easier as time passes, although it's true that you never forget. Somehow, when all is said and done, you remember the good times and let go of the bad.

Chin up. You'll make it.

I did.

Love from
another Southern girl,
Laura

Ugh. June Gloom. I almost forgot about that. As a southerner / california transplant / reformed southerner, I feel qualified to give you some advice here. There's only one cure for the June Gloom: wine country.

Whenever June got to be just too depressing for me, I'd drive over to Santa Ynez and hit the wineries for a day. At the same time Santa Barbara was socked in under the layer, Santa Ynez (30 minutes away) was 80 degrees with not a cloud in the sky.

The wine over there leaves a little to be desired, but if you start with Bridlewood and Sunstone, by the time you get to the crappy places, you'll be too buzzed to notice. Plus, there's something restorative about drinking wine, eating cheese and taking naps under trees all day. It's almost as good as a thunderstorm.

Of course, you could always move back home... I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Good luck, Laurie.

I live in Iowa---and I love the weather. I divorced in '91, and I can tell you that someday you will actually be glad you went through this---after it's over, you will know you can survive anything and you will be so much smarter and stronger than you were before. I'm 43, and I know I wouldn't be the woman I am today if I hadn't gone through the same experience you are living now. It DOES get better.

It gets better. And if it makes you feel better, I'm in the south, (NE Fla counts right?) and this morning, the jasmine and the magnolia nearly killed me with the sneezing on my walk. Plus the humidity just takes your breath away.

What a wonderful post. I really enjoy reading you--you are always very honest and you are a great writer.

Someone else said it here, and I agree. Have an affair...sounds weird, I know, but you are correct in stating that a person needs to be touched much in the same way they need air and food.

I live in a town on the shore of Lake Superior--I'm a transplant from the Great American Outback, AKA North Dakota, where the women are sturdy and the men are unbearably predictable--anyway, when I first moved, I noticed a strange thing: a half a block before most of the stop signs on the streets here, there is a sign that says "Stop Ahead"--in essence, a warning that there is a stop sign coming.

My first thought when I saw this was that these Minnesotans must be retarded or something--why would you need so much signage? ("Here's yer sign...")

I got my answer on the first foggy day when I couldn't see even one car length in front of me. I was driving home from work and looked up to see a "Stop Ahead" sign and thought THANK YOU for the sign. I have been through many foggy days here since. We have a London-Town kind of feel here, with the fog horn and the ships coming and going and the air being the way it is--dense and wet and misty. The lake keeps us cool in the summer and warm in the winter and makes most days a weather adventure. The meteorologists here shrug a lot.

The weather and your environment does affect you--just taking a 4 day trip to Colorado earlier this year (which is more like North Dakota than they will ever admit) gave me a natural rush of "home"-like feeling that really centered me in a strange way. It was nice and dry out there, where Minnesota, especially the northeastern part, is just wet, wet, wet, all the time.

Tanning booths help, and those seasonal affective disorder lights...

You look really skinny today!

Let me join the chorus of people saying, I've been there, done that, and it WILL get better. I am so happy now (my 2nd husband is the love of my life, and after 16 years, we still feel like newlyweds), but I do remember how much it sucked after my divorce. Just know, there is a wonderful place you'll get to, on the other side of the gloom. You're a sweet, funny, beautiful, talented woman and I love reading your blog. :)

There will always be something there to make you remember. But eventually, it won't hurt to remember anymore........

I've been lurking on your blog for awhile now. You have such goodness in you. You have such a great talent for writing. You have no idea how many times you've lifted my spirits with your wonderfully funny, endearing, and sincere posts! I just wanted to send you some positive vibes and good wishes and many blessings from Delaware.

Hang in there!

Oh Miss Laurie, you are truly fabulous. Even on days when you don't feel like you are fabulous. Look how many lives you touch everyday. We're all pulling for you, whether its memories of Mr. X or "the maths" that's bringing you down.

Karl Rove is responsible for June Gloom, too, I'm sure of it.

Sending some sunshine your way.

Dear Aunt Purl,

I love ya .. I really do .. in that cats and knitting and stupid men kinship type of way. But. The Crying. At Work. We need to work on this .. you write about the weather (The Weather!! of all things) and The Crying. At Work. shows up. Now I know I'm not crying over your LA weather or my NY weather. I'm crying over my friend's upcoming chemo and my jerky husband and my shitty under paying job but I was FINE before reading about your LA weather. And then The Crying At Work showed up. I dunno if I should thank you or not. So I'll settle for teaching myself how to make a slammin' bloody mary tonight and drinking all the bad attempts. Thanks for my bloody mary making skills Aunt Purl!

*LOVE*

You write so beautifully, please write a book!

I know what you are going through is hard. And I know hearing that "it will get better" sometimes just doesn't cut it. But it will. The moments you describe with Mr.X are part of you, and one day they won't be so sad, first they will be poignant, and then wistful, and then they will just be.

Like SF Knitter says, "Its ok to be sad."

Wishing you some thunder and lightening and wind to get through these doldrums...

I had to share this with you....A bunch of friends (guys & gals) just had a "divorce party" this past Saturday night at a gorgeous restaurant here in Hawaii for a girlfriend who just received her divorce decree. Yes, old memories of our own divorces/feelings surfaced. We all agreed it was painful yet made us stronger and better in our personal lives. Lots of champagne flowing by this time....boy, we were laughing "loud and wide". By the end of the night, people in the restaurant who we didn't even know were celebrating with us. It was hysterical yet bizarre!! It just goes to show you.....that memories are still there but your life will go on. You deserve the best!! Aloha!!

Oh, but you make the gloom sound anything but!

Laurie, I'm married to the man of my dreams (the sensitive Tom Cruise look alike), but the other day, driving in the rain on the freeway, I missed being single, newly broken up, crying into my cappuccino at a coffee house. I thought of how inspired I would be, how nice it would feel to be the queen of my own life again, without thinking about someone else ALL OF THE TIME. I hope that doesn't sound ridiculous to you, and I hope you feel better soon like I did that day. Thanks for your lovely expression of feeling gloomy in the gloom--you captured it perfectly.

You Said - "In truth, I have no idea what I want. Maybe I just want the sun to come back out, and the whole damn thing to be over with, and also I want it never to be over with, because it never will be, will it? There will always be a song, a smell, a moment that reminds you, won't there? There will always be a day or a passing glance or some shared moment that makes you miss something, and makes you have to pull your car over on the side of the road because you're crying too hard, and you miss it and you feel nostalgic for what you had, even if it wasn't that great at the time."

-----

Yes. there will always be something. *Always* but, it's not that bad. In time, believe it or not, it won't hurt. *soft smile* in time, you'll hear a song and think "yeah, i remember when... ah well..." and move right along. I promise. It'll be a while, but it'll come. Until then... what kind of wine do you drink? I want to buy some stock! *wink*
*Hugs you tight* Been there.. and know what i'm talking about on this one. It'll be ok. and YOU will be ok... Know how i know?? Because you're strong... even when you don't feel like you are or particularly believe it. and you're smart. and you're funny. and you're beautiful. and you're an incredible, wonderful person. Don't believe me? ask your cats. *Smile* Everything will be ok. Anytime you need a reminder, drop me a line.

~Stephanie

Been reading your blog for some time. Needed to respond to this post. At some point my friend, you will need to answer the question: Is it him I miss, or the body and space he filled? Once you answer that one, you'll really be able to move on and find the person, who if he were gone, you'd miss wholeheartedly! The June Gloom as in all things will pass too. Former Valley Girl from way back when.

Been reading your blog for some time. Needed to respond to this post. At some point my friend, you will need to answer the question: Is it him I miss, or the body and space he filled? Once you answer that one, you'll really be able to move on and find the person, who if he were gone, you'd miss wholeheartedly! The June Gloom as in all things will pass too. Former Valley Girl from way back when.

Laurie, you are an amazing writer. I've written many other things in this comment and deleted them all... but, mostly thank you for sharing these things and I wish for the very best for you. You're a really beautiful person. I can't think of a better way to say it.

Such beautiful writing! Thank you for sharing.