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June 10, 2005

Is this week over yet?

Our lead story: Hooray! It's Friday!

Jen and I went to the West Hollywood Stitch 'n Bitch last night. Many of our regular folks were missing, but it was still a relaxing evening, the highlight of my week. One of the nice things about having a smaller group is that you get to talk more in depth with people. (Well, you get to do this if some people, who shall be talked about later on, would ever SHUT UP.)

And it's so good to meet people this way, picking up more pieces of their life story at a time. I got to chat up Faith, who I ADORE, and learn more about her trip to Alaska. Just as I was about to invite her to my house for a knit-on-the patio session, she mentioned she was deathly allergic to pets. Frankly, I wear a fine layer of cat hair everywhere I go, so I'm surprised she didn't fly into an asthma attack just sitting by me. But I'm improvising a way to get her to my house without her falling over dead on the sofa, and it involves Saran Wrap. I'll let ya'll know what I come up with.

Carrie was there, looking sparkly and smiling. And I got to talk to Crystal more, who is a surprise around every corner, just a great lady with a quiet sense of humor that sneaks up on you. She made Jennifer happy as could be by asking about Ethel the Cat (who is doing better, gradually). And I met Beth, who made a gorgeous red cable-knit sweater, and everyone had a nice low-key knit night.

So that was very, very good.

But then. There was THE TALKER. And you know who it was.

It's been a long week and yesterday was a long day (but tiredness is no excuse, this happens all the time) because oh man, THE THINGS THAT COME OUT OF MY MOUTH. It's like I was born without the critical filtering mechanism that keeps normal, well-bred folks from doing any or all of the following:

1) Shouting out in a STRIDENT and also somewhat BITTER way that I no longer believe in marriage and think it's all a sham.

2) After said tirade, discover Beth is about to be married in one month. Congratulate her. Then KEEP ON WITH THE BITTERNESS. Because I am a DUMBASS.

3) Give a big overshare to the group about my personal life (or, rather, total lack thereof.)

4) Try to persuade Faith to go in with me on raising Icelandic sheep in my backyard. In ENCINO.

4) Tell Crystal she's crazy as I INSIST upon winding her mohair yarn for her.

5) Accidentally tell Audrey how glad I am to see her crocheting. Audrey is knitting. I stare right at her knitting needles. Then immediately recovered from this weird moment by looking off blankly into space.

6) Which prompted Carrie and Faith to ask me if I was OK and needed a glass of wine.

7) Which I declined, since I was tired and had to drive home, but then I said out loud that I planned to go home and basically hook myself up to a wine IV.

8) Again, I talk about the Hello Kitty vibrator. Next stop: Porn. We all know it's coming.

9) Smelling everyone's yarn.

10) Asking everyone, repeatedly, what the singular of "sheep" is.


Really, it's amazing I haven't been committed. My only saving grace is that people out here know I am Southern, so they think I'm just colorful. Like this verbal meltdown is a quirk or something shared by all people who drink sweet tea. And I'm real sorry to all the Southerners out there who can never come to California now because I have spoiled it for ya'll, by proliferating the sheep-obsessed, porn-talking, bitter old craggy southern lady image. Whoops!

   
Audrey smiles in the group; Beth with gorgeous sweater


   
Darcy with magic scarf; Carrie (L) and Faith (R) stitchin' and bitchin'


   
Jen and Crystal chat with Toni, Natalie is so HOT!


Me and Jen, peas and carrots.


In other news...

I just got off the phone with my parents to find out if they were battening down the hatches for Tropical Storm Arlene. My folks live right on the water on the Gulf side of Florida. Here it is only ten days into June and already there's crap swirling around on the radar. NOT GOOD.

Me: Hi! Just calling to see if ya'll are boarding up the windows and hoarding the wonder bread in anticiaption of Arlene!

My mom: Oh, hi! No, no. This one is just a tropical storm. I'm on my way to meet your dad at Red Lobster, only I'm so sad because I can't have a Lobsterita! We're driving later down to meet Chris and Don.

Me: Ya'll are going ..? where?

My mom: Oh! We're going to meet Chris and Don in the motorhome!

Me: ... in a tropical storm?

My mom: I know! Isn't this funny! We're going camping* in a tropical storm! It will fun. Heck, it's going to rain all over us here in the Gret Stet of Florida so it might as well be raining on us someplace fun!

[* Note: When my parents say "camping" they mean going out in the motorhome which is nicer than my house and has a washer and dryer in it. I kid you not. And ya'll wonder why I am spoiled and won't pee in the woods? SEE EXHIBIT A: My Family.]

Me: Well, be careful! Drive safe! Sorry about the Lobsterita!

My mom: Oh! Me, too. Maybe I can get one to go!

And finally...
Drew, our favorite Crochet Dude, was featured in an article for Talking Crochet And I called him today because in addition to having a crazy family and an inability to censor myself, I am also a stalker! Hi Drew! What's for dinner? How's Chandler? Want to come over? For cake? It is Friday, after all!

Posted by laurie at June 10, 2005 3:52 PM