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June 9, 2005

A loot 'n a holler

This morning I was driving to work at the armpit of a.m. and I was thinking about the different packages and cards and surprises I have received in the past few weeks. I had plenty of time to reminisce, what with everyone and their uncle banging into each other on the 101 freeway and creating quite the parking lot.

In "Jane" magazine a few months ago, one of the reporters was describing Los Angeles traffic. She said that if you want to feel the L.A. driving experience, go sit in your car wearing a pair of Ugg boots and idle your engine in the driveway for an hour or so.

That was the best description EVER of our roads. Wish I would have thought it up myself.

All cities have traffic, but ask any New Yorker or Bostonite or Chicagoan (Chicagoan? Chicago-ite? Chican?) who has expatriated to Los Angeles if their traffic back home was worse than L.A. Go ahead, ask them. After the laughing and indignation and maybe swearing dies down, you'll be informed that we do indeed have the worst freeways and gridlock in the nation, and there are about ninety bazillion studies to back it up factually. Also, we are perversely proud of telling people about our traffic. It's like we survived something, each and every day. I'm just saying, is all.

(And because I know ya'll want some of these casually cited "studies" I'm just throwing off the cuff, here is the Travel Time Index table, in PDF format, by the Urban Mobility Study. And for those of ya'll who are complete nerds like me and want to read the whole study, like I did, you can get the full 2005 Urban Mobility Report here. It's crazy. I mean it. Makes you want to up and move to Wyoming.)

So there I was, with all my friends on the freeway, thinking about the very first package I received, which was from Kellie and Lynne. I received it on a Tuesday and I saved it. I didn't open it for a few days, and then I got another package from Kristy (krickit) and I saved it too. How did I manage to have such self-control? I knew what was coming in my week, and I knew I'd need a little Christmas-style package opening to get me through. On Friday, that particular Friday a few weeks ago, I handed a scandalously large check to a lawyer to help move along the dissolutioning. It was a sad day, and a poor day. Then I came home, poured a wine the size of my head, and opened up presents and laughed and ate tim-tams and tried to speak Aussie and put post-it notes all over my house.

[click on any small images for big ones.]

Lynne and Kellie sent me the motherload of all goodness: chocolate, Australian Cheetos, kitschy postcards, yarn, you name it!! Lynne, did you hand-dye that yarn yourself? Lynne is very crafty that way. Go read her blog. Kristy sent this beautiful box with yarn that she said had been taunting her, and I plan to make one hell of a hat with it. And that's a close-up of the post-its, which I thought were hee-larious.

Also, Kellie and Lynne included some cat toys for the furballs and I wish you could have seen how Frankie pounced on the red mouse and even endured a beat-down from the Sobakowa to retain all mouse ownership:

The following week, Anmiryam of Gromit Knits and Janis, who owns a yarn shop in northern California (and I plan to just show up one day on both their doorsteps, Hi Janis! or Hi! Anmiryam! It's me! Can I live here?) sent me some fiber goodies, too. Some of the most beautiful yarn, just luscious, and Janis how did you know I would sniff it first thing? hah hah I sniffed all this yarn, I'll have you know. I was practically high off the beauty of it.
You do realize that you're just feeding my hat habit here, right? And that this yarn will be on my head before long? I smelled it, and it said, "hat! hat!"

Ashley sent me some of the prettiest stitch markers I have ever seen, and notice she addressed the card to Raurie!! Got a kick out of that one. Oh, Ashley? The Chocolate Margarita candybar you sent? I ate it. All of it. It went great with some white wine. That was the best dinner I had in several days.

And Dani, who knows about my drinking and knitting problem, sent me some stitch markers made just for me, with the funniest little drink doodads on them, so cute!


Jane went to Maryland Sheep & Wool and brought me back a surprise!! Look! Yarn and a hat and a card that looks just like Bob, and coincidentally Bob happened to be in the vicinity, so you know. Spooky! Like he knew an orange-cat card was in the mail. (Also: confession. I wore this hat to Trader Joe's this weekend in hopes someone would ask me if I am a sheep farmer.) (No one did.)

Goodies from Jane... and Jane, please tell Peggy that I have something in the package I'm sending you that's for her, too. Hope Edward is feeling better!!

Jennifer sent me a couple of hat patterns, thank you!!! You know how I am with the hat madness. And look!! The cutest ever tape measure, it's a camel and the furry tail pulls out into a tape measure, which I think is too funny for words. How do people think these things up? I love it. And look! Cards! Cards and postcards and these are now adorning my fridge, so everytime I reach in there for the consolation wine, I feel happy because someone on the Internets sent me a card. I love ya'll. Thanks to Madeleine, Dean, and Lisa. Thank you!!

(Um, this is probably going to really embarrass me...)
Here's one I can't quite figure out. Maybe I have killed off the vital brain cells that connect memory to reality, but for the life of me I have no idea who sent this and it is DRIVING ME CRAZY because I love LOVE David Sedaris!! And this is like the mecca of David Sedaris books ON TAPE!! So I can knit and also get my brain expanded, all at the same time. The return label was from Massachussets. But the newspaper inside the box was from Indiana. HOW? How can that be? Are ya'll just trying to mess with me? Cause it is working! How can I properly thank you and grovel at your Sedaris-loving feet when I have no clue who you are?


In April, Laura and Jen of the world-famous JenLa participated in the Revlon Run/Walk and raised money both in real life and on the internets. (Also, Laura is a girl after my own heart because she brought a coke as her replenishment for this run/walk event. Us sporty types have to stick together.) Anywho, Wendy, who runs the site Zibibbo, offered to do a drawing for anyone who would pimp out and sponsor the JenLa team. Then Wendy would pull a name out of a hat and voila! Insta-love. Good karma. And guess what! I was the girl whose name got pulled from the hat!!!

Now this is so good on so many levels, because I am here to tell you I have never once, NEVER, won anything in my entire life. My dad used to tell me that if it weren't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all. The way things were going this past year, I was even afraid to play the Lotto, because with my luck I'd somehow manage to break it and I'd owe them money.

But THINGS CHANGE. I am here to tell you. Your husband may leave you to get his creativity back, and you might be sad and get your car stolen (on your wedding anniversary no less) and you might have a whole variety of very bad things happen one right after another. Because sometimes things suck. And they will just keep sucking until they stop. But they do stop! Eventually! (Am I being profound right now or what? I'm getting all philosophical up in your business while using the word "sucking." There goes my chance of a Pulitzer.)

So your old aunt purl was the winner and Wendy sent me this gorgeous Italian cotton tape and some amazing coffee that smelled up my whole kitchen, in the good way, where you walk in and think, "Mmmmm, damn my kitchen is yummy!"


So much good stuff! I thank you so so much! Thank you! I'll tell you the truth .. all the good that has come into my life lately is all right here, on this knitting internets. I'm glad I found the good internets instead of the bad one with the child molesters on it. (My mom watched this episode of Primetime Live once and called me to ask if I knew how all the Internets were full of pedophiles. It's scary out there, I tell you.) Thank you so much. (If I missed your website address, please email it to me for linkage!)

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Oh! And last night I was fiddling with the packages I'm sending, assembling some things together. And I have a few goodies that I am sending to dogs, because ya'll know how I am. And anyway, last weekend I bought these rawhide bones to put in the packages (because I'm the crazy girl who sends mail to dogs) and I had opened up the rawhide bones from the plastic bag and set them in an open box with some tissue paper and ribbon and stuff. Just gathering supplies, you know.

On Monday morning I woke up and I was walking to the kitchen to feed the cats and I tripped over a rawhide bone in the middle of the living room floor.

"Damn," I said to myself. "How much wine did I have last night? I must have left stuff in the living room right on the floor! Sheesh."

So I picked it up, put it on the table and went about my day.

Came home Monday night. There was a rawhide bone in the hallway. Tuesday morning I wake up and damn if there isn't a rawhide bone in the bed with me. Now, I may not be a master of the obvious, but I'm beginning to suspect one of the following:

1) My house is being haunted by the ghost of a dog.
2) Some burgler is breaking in and rearranging the dog bones.
3) One of my cats is very confused.

And of course, it's Bob. The "special" cat. The one who stares at his own paw for long periods of time.

I told this story to someone at work, about the puppy cat and the rawhide bones, and I'm thinking it's just funny and (okay) maybe a tee-tiny bit weird. But Coworker says, "Well, can't that make him SICK? Is that GOOD for him?" Which got me worried. So I had to call the vet and ask, over their peals of laughter, if my catdog could get sick and die from rawhide bones. You have never heard a trained professional doctor laugh so hard. "Is he a guard cat?" "Do you call him? Here puppy cat!" and "Maybe you can make him sic... sic, get it? Not SICK, but sic...hahahahah."

Yeah, real funny. Thanks. Damn vet humor. This is my puppycat and I'm proud of it, SO THERE.

(Also, all ya'll internet dogs will be getting new, not pre-chewed rawhide bones in your packages. Promise.)



Posted by laurie at June 9, 2005 2:15 PM