Here Here! I gained 70 lbs during a hard time in my life, and I took it all off. It wasn't fast, and I hated people asking about my diet every second of the day, but I did it and you will too. PS I love your blog ;)

i can so relate to this post. i actually put on about 10 kilos (i'm not sure what that is in pounds) over the last couple of years of my relationship because I love cooking and i used to cook all these wonderful meals that he liked because i thought it would make a difference. (insane I know). Now for exactly the same reason as you - i am trying to shed some weight. i've been on a health induced diet for the last few weeks and that has managed to budge some it of. But i really need to get read of another 7 kilos minimum. Maybe we can do it together.

hey, you go girl!

it's all about the self-image...i have a friend who is maybe (maybe!) 110 lbs...and she looks pregnant ALL the time...she feels rotten about her looks because she is so NOT having a baby but that's her body and she cannot seem to do anything about it...me? i just look pregnant if i eat more than one piece of toast and 4 potato chips...so, you know, not like ALL the time at least...lol...

good luck...hang in there...the divorce diet is not only for divorcees..and, in my opinion, is more of a set of guidelines...totally open to personal interpretation...

I have had the same cycle of gain/loss my whole life and I also need to lose about 40 lbs. I agree that it's about getting healthy as well as just "feeling" better about myself. I had already packed my healthy food to take to work before I read your post, because I am determined to do this. Good luck!

I had on my skinny sweater - the one I could only wear when I was at the bottom range of weight, so I let BD take my photo - though usually they look so bad they'd scare children. So he brought it by work to show me (good god why?) and there it was - a beach ball in a purple sweater. My eyes bugged and I gasped "Oh - I don't look like that, do I?" and with all the love and pride and sweetness in the world, he breathed "Yes, darling. It's a great picture of you" and then I began to cry. With puppy dog eyes, huge with worry, he then drove the nail home by saying "But, But, Honey (we're both southern)... Look at your mother!!!"

I joined Weight Watchers the next month.

I've been wanting to drop a few pounds lately too, we can work on it together! I live with a roomate who is a good friend of mine, but really unhealthy in terms of her eating, and comments allll the time about her so called fatness. It bugs me a lot, and I would love to shove a box of something terrible like Doritos down her throat. Good luck with the diet, you are right about it being healtier!

I just wanted to say GO LAURIE!!!

Awww. I understand what you're saying, I'm all about the stress eating. It took me my entire senior year of college to lose the 40 pounds I gained in the first three years, and even now, as soon as grad school finals hit I'm back up 5 pounds.

Just remember you're doing this for YOU, and it's going to make you feel great. And don't even pretend that you can completely deny yourself of the wine or fried potatoes, because that's a perfect way to start bingeing.

Look at it this way, you have to keep your hands busy, so that you're not tempted to shove food in your mouth, right? Therefore, you HAVE to buy more yummy yarn, it's for your HEALTH!!!!!

I love your blog, by the way.

Yay! I'm right there with you. It may not be 40 pounds, and it's not due to divorce (kids do strange - dare I say mean - things to a woman's body). I've been feeling the body self-disgust lately, too. Funny, the wine and beer were the first things to go here, too. I hadn't been able to drink for so long that when I stopped breastfeeding, I was really enjoying a glass a day. I know they say that's good for you, but it's probably best when you're at your ideal weight in the first place. And, then there are the sweets I try to not eat but just can't stop myself. I just want to feel like me again. So, anyway, I'm cheering you on.

I was divorced (again) a year ago in January, the last time I lost weight, not by any diet, I just did. This time I have gained weight. I am so tired of it!! Know that you aren't alone with the weight gain either, and that along with everything else, you will get better at getting rid of the weight too. I'm not much of a commenter, but I really love your blog and wanted to say Hi.

You Go Girl!!!! Attack it with your usual humor and that will get you going too!

What a great post. I do a lot of what you do with the self defense "if I say it first". I've lost 20lbs and I have another 30 to go but I just can't seem to get my act together. I lost the first twenty when I was with my husband and sort of stayed steady since we've split. I too eat at McDonalds too much (or any other fast food joint, they just call me to them, its like they have a spell on me).

I am just trying to eat healthier and get my water in. I haven't found the time to workout at the gym, even though, yes I do have a gym membership *snorts*. I find that when I at least eat healthier, I feel a bit more confident.

If you ever want a 'buddy' let me know!

Whoo-hoo! Good for you! I'm rooting for you, hon.

The hubster & I are getting back on the stick (as it were) in this regard as well. We did it before the wedding, we figure we can do it again now...

When my friend's husband left she lost lots of weight (went from a size 14 to a size 8) but that wasn't through dieting or anything deliberate. It was because she was so upset she couldn't eat. She started to get worried about her weight loss being unhealthy. We all respond to stress differently.

I agree about size zero. I once informed one of those toothpick thin salesfolk (who was telling a story about some size 4 woman claiming to be fat) that if you have a single digit size you are, by definition, NOT FAT.

Sounds like you've got a healthy approach -- balance. Just the thing. Also feeling good about yourself (which you are clearly doing more of lately).

Right there with ya hon. I've had to work all my life to keep my weight within reasonable bounds. It ain't easy. You're going the right way. Rather than making really drastic changes, which you're less likely to stick to, make slower changes. They become habit, and it's easier to keep going that way. You don't have to cut out the crap entirely, but keep it at a minimum. As my GP used to tell me, "If you want a cookie, have a cookie. Don't have a dozen."

Whatever you do, don't try to get a PhD right now. Mine's doing a real number on my waistline!

After my husband and I separated, I lived on wine and chips, too (and dip, if I was feeling energetic enough to stir the mix into sour cream). I guess I thought I wouldn't gain weight because I was also smoking like a chimney, which took my appetite away for real food.

It was a sad day when I realized that wine had calories in it. (Don't look it up. It's depressing.)

Things are better for me now. I actually ate a plum yesterday. But the chip-and-wine padding I still carry? Oh. Not pretty.

It was a brave thing you did, there, putting your story out on your Internets, now that you're such a public and popular figure! You've probably inspired a bunch of people that you won't even know about. I know you've inspired me. Thanks.

Best of luck - remember - it's definitely doable so keep at it, even through the discouraging times! And...well....you already know all the rest of my advice. :::grin::: You GO girl!

Okay, I know everyone says this, but its really true: if you exercise, you'll naturally want to eat healthier things.

Love your post and how it goes straight through your train of thought. Best of Luck!

Laurie - Go and rent the movie "Supersize Me". That will end the McDonald's problem! Seriously, it's a great movie. Don't kick yourself, just try to move more - even if you have a glass of wine in your hand. A few more steps a day, every day. PLEASE LIVE LONGER!!!

Laurie, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a single one of your blog stalkers that doesn't think you're a beautiful woman. However, that doesn't mean a darn thing if you don't think so. Losing weight is something all of us have probably struggled with (I myself gained 40lbs after my first baby and it just refuses to go away). We know how difficult it can be.

But when we fall, we just have to get up again and not complain about having fallen. It happens. Exercise may be the number one way to lose weight but lets get real, most of us don't do it or enjoy it. I know I surely don't. Cutting out the wine and chips is such an awesome start. I admire your courage and honesty in being so candid on your blog.

I wouldn't doubt though that you will have one of the most amazing support systems here. Everyone loves you and wants you to succeed. Don't forget what wonderful friends you have (those who live by you and those of us who don't). When you fall or feel down, rest assured that we will be here to help you pick yourself up. You are such an inspiration that it truly incredible. :)

Hugs'n'Happy thoughts

I'm right there with you. Everything you have said, I have either expeienced, or felt, or thought.

Your motivation is right on. Doing it for yourself is the best reason to make any change. Good on you!

W. :)

As usual, you are not only enjoyable to read, but an inspiration. As evidenced by the comments so far, lots of us are in the same boat (weight wise) and there of lots of others who are willing cheerleaders. My weight gain is not through any stress, just plain ol' more calories in than I'm burning. There stands the eliptal trainer, facing the teevee, ready for me to get on...mocking me. I'd get on it right now, but I'm actually supposed to be working ...so maybe at lunch time.

Hey Aunt Purl,

Since we are new Valley Girl Knit neighbors and you express how I feel so much better than I do, if you want a gym or excersise buddy, let me know. I feel alot of what you so elequently write about and need a little kick to get out and excersise.

Debra

(oops, exercise - (sp). Anyway, there is also a list that I found out about from one of the knit lists. Its Lose-it@yahoogroups.com. Made up mostly of knitters who want to share recipe's and the whole process. Take a look.

Hi Laurie, I have been on a damn diet for over a year! I lost 30 pounds initially, and then it just came to a screeching halt. I even (gasp) exercise, and it still the weight stays the same. So I know how you feel. I need to get back into Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet for Drunks, I guess. Good luck in your endeavor; I am sure you will do better than I am doing. My body wants to hang onto that fat with everything it has. If I am in the same room as a donut, I gain five pounds!

40 seems to be the magic number -- that's what I have to lose, too! I just have a really hard time avoiding all the sweets (sugar high works better than alcohol buzz for me...) We're all pulling for you, Laurie -- and ourselves too.

Read "French Women Don't Get Fat". You will have to lose the chips (well, they eat frites, don't they?) but you can keep the wine. Some. And they don't exercise, per se. They walk up and down stairs. I like it.

I'm glad to hear that you're not going to "diet", because diets DON'T WORK. You have it exactly right by trying to change the way you eat...even McDonald's is ok if it's only once in a while. Read the book "French Women Don't Get Fat"...it's not a diet book, no matter what the media says about it. The French understand something about moderation that most Americans don't. Most of all, good luck. It's hard to resist the siren call of the fried potatoes.

Ha! Me too! Me too! Because Dissertations Make You Fat. As soon as this weekend is over and I am officially DONE I am also on the healthy-eating bandwagon. And so is Bailey. Last time we were at the vet they said she had to lose 5 pounds, which actually shamed me more than anything I have ever weighed. It is one thing to make yourself fat, but it is another to make your spazzy hyperactive dog fat. Sigh.

Aunt P,
You have the first step of this process figured out. You have to do it for you, otherwise you are destined to fail. Don't forget, you can burn up to 84 calories per hour knitting!

We're all here for you if you need support.

Good Luck Laurie! All of your Blog Stalkers are rooting for you! And if you need to bitch and whine and vent, we're here for you!

Good luck! It really is saving your life.

Right there with you, sister, as you know. Weight Watchers is my weapon of choice. The biggest piece of advice someone gave me is that it's a marathon, not a sprint - I fall off the wagon, I drink too much wine and sometimes I eat too much pasta. But I get back up again and start each day fresh and hope for the best, one meal, one workout session, one day at a time.

We're behind you!

Laurie - Just remember, you are not Fat, you are squishy.

Laurie - Just remember, you are not Fat, you are squishy.

Rock on, Laurie! One step at a time is all it takes.

Since we're all sharing tips/tricks, here's a couple from me: Drink lots of water! Another tip: Brush your teeth when you want to snack/munch on something. You'll find that either a) you weren't hungry to begin with or b) you don't want to eat anything anymore because nothing tastes good with toothpaste mouth. :D

Do it. (re: Starsky & Hutch)

All your fans are rootin' for you!

Laurie, you are totally fabulous, and I am qualified to say so because I am also totally fabulous.

I have only one thing to say and that is the Word of Doom. Exercise. Lose weight, don't lose weight, whatever -- but that one thing, which I spent the first 30 years of my life resisting, makes all the damn difference. Here is what it cures:

1. Crankiness, except for the utterly charming kind.
2. PMS
3. Irritability, which is different from #1.
4. Depression
5. Anxiety
6. Self-disgust
7. Divorce pains! Dude, you just lost what, 180 pounds of useless fat? Fly! Be Free!

Also, when you exercise, you can eat more! Yay! You may find yourself naturally eating healthier things, too.

(n.b. I exercised for 5 years and then quit after I got married. 1.5 years and oh, a few pounds later, I'm back and let me tell you, it's wonderful. I hope you have as much fun with it as I do. Think about all the gorgeous places you can hike in CA. You don't have to sentence yourself to staring at someone else's butt on the treadmill in front of you, or to this scenario, hee hee!)

Grr! link intended to be in last sentence of above post: http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2005/04/why-yes-cute-fireman-that-is-my-ass.html :D

40 must be the magic number. My girlfriend and I split up and like those ballpark franks, bleuup, I plumped up, 40 pounds of extra tonnage! The bottom line is I just have to eat LESS. Bye, bye Ben 'n' Jerry! No more garbage burritos with a 5-gallon drum of chips ‘n’ dip for dinner. Cereal instead of hash, eggs , and potatoes.
You've got the right idea about losing it for you, and not some future man. If I was a few decades younger and I was wooing you, your weight would not be issue! You’re humor, the sexiest thing any person has, and personality more than counterbalance for the extra pounds.
AP, you will do it, hell, we all will with you as our inspiration!

The thing to do is to try to get proper nutrition and enough exercise. Boost the amount of healthy food you are eating before you start worrying about cutting out the extras.

The best diet I've heard of is the one advocated by Jane Brody, health reporter for the NYTimes: eat what is recommended on the USDA health pyramid (www.mypyramid.gov), plus one treat a day, and one meal a week where you can eat whatever you want. If you get feeling a little heavy, choose lower calorie foods and cut back a bit on the treat.

Also, realize that some researchers are starting to believe that much of the danger to your health is not so much the weight, but poor nutrition, lack of exercise and the shock to the system of yo-yo dieting.

Laurie...call it photoshop if you want, but I think you look fabulous in all your picts! I hope your healthy life-style "diet" does the trick for you.

Here's an idea...get some Rodney Yee yoga videos to work out to. Rodney is a hottie (and he wears the tiniest little bottoms possible in all his videos) and the workouts really, really tone you up! Hot man, good workout...plus, cats love yoga! It's a win-win situation for everyone.

Oh, and have you tried the Brush Your Teeth Diet? They say that if you brush your teeth when you feel the urge to binge, it acts as a deterrent. Don't want to get those freshly cleaned pearly whites dirty! Besides, does toothpaste taste good with jalapeño chips? Just don't wear the enamel off those babies.

I never really struggled with my weight until I got pregnant with baby #1 somehow I thought that magically when the baby came out so would the weight.... All that eating for two nonsense is a big load of crap! Anyway.... what I have found helpful for myself is not being a calorie nazi, and not focusing on the scale too much. When I decided to keep all things in moderation everything balanced out.. I cut out all sodas, and juices and only drank water, and if I have a glass of wine I only have one glass.(too bad they don't make "lite" wine, eh?)...So here I am post baby #2, and though I haven't gained a lot of weight, my body has shifted it around wierd....
I am rooting for you.... GO LAURIE GO!!!
Heidi

I can't really add anything meaningful to the comments here, just my support! I've yet to figure out how to make knitting replace eating, but if I do, I'll share the secret.

You can do it!!

I just have to say the timing of your post is spooky...rather than basically write a novel in your comments section, I've written about it on my blog instead.

Rock on!

Good luck on your diet. Eat healthy, exercise, but NEVER, NEVER give up the WINE.

I'm totally with you, girl. 100%! You know you've got many-a folk who are here to support you. We all need to put our health first rather than the aesthetic of trying to look like teen super models. We got your back!

Hi, me the kansas stalker here. Just had to comment. Know how you feel. I am re-reading the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Since you are Southern . . .Vivi takes a thermos of vodka and grapefruit juice with her. She calls it refreshment and a diet aid all rolled into one. Thought you would appreciate that as you start your new diet. She also calls it Re-VIVI-fication juice. In case you need some (instead of wine) sounds like an ok diet food. Seriously, good luck. My mother-in-law told me once . . .she was talking about someone she knew and she said "she's big, like you". ooooh I wanted to shove a snickers bar somewhere. Hope it's going well.

Good luck with the "re-habit-ing"! (That's the other thing all the healthy eating/exercise gurus say: healthy eating & exercise are habits you have to learn, just as non-healthy eating & not exercising are habits you have to unlearn.) I'm trying to do it also, but even with the impetus from a "if you don't lose any weight, you have to pay money" contest I joined, it's really hard for me; I hope you have a _much_ easier time!

Ooh baby, living in the world epicenter of body-image craziness can't help. Be good to yourself.

I did the wine v. cal calculation too and I figured that I was getting in about 300-400 calories per day in wine cal. In other words just cutting out the wine and I would lose 1 lb a week. However, I refuse not to get my buzz on..... So here is the yummy low cal system to drunkeness by Aimee the sis. ~ 50 cal

3 ounce Vodka
DIET Tonic
one full lime
ice

PS. the lime will keep off the scurvy and vodka leaves a lot less of a hangover. Even good vodka is cheaper then buying a couple of good bottles of wine a week.

"Let's just live forever and piss people off."

Yeah baby! And I whole heartedly second (third?) the never give up the wine part , that that just wouldn't be right! (so says the woman who lives in Italia). We're all rooting for ya! And if anything gettin those trials and tribs out there inspire the rest of us. In boca al lupo!

Laurie,

First of all, let me just say that I totally stalk your blog like a black-ops helicopter over DC...but in an absolutely good way! I love your writing, and you seem to touch a chord in me, as so many others. Thank you for your honesty and candidness.
I'm with you on the 40 pounds. I've been feeling a bit hopeless about it lately, but you've re-inspired me. And I'll share something fun that I love to do for exercise - Nia Dance. It's totally fun shaking your boody, and getting absolutely sweaty (in a good way), with a bunch of other normally-sized and -talented folks. Whatever you find, I wish you luck and courage, and I'll be doing it too.

Emily

How funny -- I was just going to do a weight whine in my blog today. I have 35 days until I leave for SE Asia, so I am going to try to do Bikram yoga for the next month to:
A)condition myself to the heat

B)lose some weight so I am dragging less poundage around SE Asia in the heat

oh honey, you're so honest. come over here and sit with me and we'll talk about how rosy you're future's going to be without Mr. X and your 72 lbs. of insulation. xoxoxoxo

after seeing some photos of myself that were taken this weekend I was about to launch into a weight loss blog entry as well - as soon as I could find a "skinny" pic of myself to compare.
About a year and a half ago I had joined Weight Watchers and lost about 60 lbs. Now, I still had quite a ways to go. But, shit happened. I quit weight watchers and have gained probably 30 lbs back. I know thats not as bad as if I had gained it all back, but its bad enough for me to feel the difference in my health. I have the gym membersship but not the ambition to drag my sorry ass there. I know I could go back to WW, but dont want to give up my Saturday mornings - or any other time for that matter. I know how to eat properly, I just have to find the initiative to actually start doing it.

Too bad there isn't aerobic knitting. Although the proprietress of my LYS is skinny, lithe and wonderful. I don't think it's stress that makes me eat, it's wanting comfort. I just got diagnosed with the "C" and amazingly enough, I'm eating veggies, avoiding wine, cola, sour cream, jalapenos, NACHO CHEESE, and all sorts of staples. I'll be back to read you again. (PS... you'd be welcome at www.3fc.com if you don't already know 'em.)

oh sweets,

acknowledging it and writing about it is *weird* isn't it?

but you know, powerful, too. good luck and all that...

(and yes, keep an eye out for the silent firemen!)

:)

I'm so with you! I decided to go on a "diet" last week and it lasted a day. It wasn't so much a diet as just realizing just how much junk I eat. If I think about it, I won't eat as much. Now you've motivated me to get back to it. We can do it!! :)

hold on... my index finger has a cramp from scrolling past all the comments to get to the little "Post a comment" box. Whew!

As like, everyone else, I can so totally relate! (Can I just say, as an side, that you are one of my new favorite reads. Ok, gush over.)

I recently gained back a bunch of weight (25lbs) after losing it all and moving. Well, I had to go back to the old office (last they had seen I had just lost the weight) and everyone (well, three or four people, but that's everyone, right?) said "WOW, I HARDLY RECOGNIZED YOU!" To which I kept saying, oh. really? while secretely thinking "I didn't change my hair. My glasses are the same. I am even wearing the same damn t-shirt. so. besides my GINORMOUS ass, what is so unrecognizable??"

and now it is about health. I have a super fun hiking trip in a couple of months. and you know? if my ass is still so huge that my knees have to post "caution: heavy load" signs on my shins, then the trip will be not so fun.

and yet. I keep eating key lime pie and chocolate. but don't ask why.

I've been on a diet/exercise plan for nearly 6 weeks. I'm not changing the world with accomplishments on either front but I am making progress. I've lost 10 pounds in 6 weeks. Yes, I know that is practically nothing, but damnit, it's something.

I am fat and I admit it but I don't think I am ugly and disgusting. I need to loss probably 50 pounds before I could be content with my looks. But it is amazing to me what people will say. A few weeks ago, a woman (the clerk at my local Longs) was talking with me as I was checking out. She commented on my lipstick purchase and then she smiled, looked me right in the eye and said, "You have such nice skin. You would be such a pretty girl if you were thin." And then she smiled and nodded, like she expected me to thank her for the compliment. I haven't been back to that Long's since.

Lifelong problem for me too girlie. Up and down always...it sucks!

Hmm, I guess it is just as well Kellie and I didn't send lots of packets of TimTams, eh? You could not resist and hold back to one a day!

Sounds like we all have 40# to lose!
I know it can be seen as a "diet", but Weight Watchers is really a good program. You can do it online if you aren't the meeting type. I lost 20# a few years ago on it, and then stopped for a while to have a baby, and now I am finishing up the last 30. It works if you need structure. But, I agree with the exercise posts - there is no better high than an exercise-induced one, including wine. (And I love me some wine!)
Good Luck,
Ingrid

hey girlie. here in new england, we are only just starting to feel the warmth of spring. while everyone was whining about the 45 degree weather, i wasn't. because as soon as the sun comes out i won't be able to tell folks that i'm just cold and have to wear lots of layers.

good luck with getting healthy.

Laurie, I wish you all the best in losing the weight that you want and improving your health.

I gained almost 40 pounds after...well, let's just say "after"...and I'm down about 10 now. I've still got 30 more to go. I exercise, but I know that (for me) changing how I eat is the only thing that will take off weight. I exercise for my health though. I've learned that taking walks will help my headaches, and my dance classes improve my energy level.

Good luck to you! No matter what, we all think that you look beautiful now!!

good luck on the diet. been struggling with weight all my life too. i find that walking is a good way to get a jump start on the dreaded exercise.

by the way, love your blog. you make me laugh all the time.

Weight is so hard to talk about but you've captured what so many of us feel with your wit and honesty. Myself, I jumped on the Weight Watchers bandwagon again today after slacking for several months. Good luck, I'm in your corner.

My parents are on the South Beach diet and I keep railing on them that anything that denies you an entire food group for an extended period of time is not good for you. I don't care what the good doctor says. He's been paid to say so.

I prefer a lifestyle that allows me my wine and cheese. Lots of wine, lots of cheese. That's a divorce diet I can get behind.

And as for claiming something is company before someone else can, I find that it's best to do so when passing gas in close company. Better to announce it than be embarassed by getting called out after you've tried to pass it off on the dog.

First time commenter. I love your blog.

I just wanted to say congratulations on making this decision. It's about how you feel, not the weight the scale says. I have days where I feel gigantic but the scale says the same thing as days I feel small-ish.

I need to work on the exercise thing though...

I saw this on the news here in Calgary last night and thought of it when I read your post. The headline reads: "Study suggests, in exercise, less could be more" Sign me up!!

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1117489599756_13/?hub=Health

Yay healthier Laurie!

You rock.

I'm not a blogger (just kind of a stalker) but I have to butt in here and state that I think you are a really smart lady (and also really frickin funny). Thanks for the very perseptive and honest post.

You just put into words so many things that us girls do/say that are not very nice to each other and ourselves. Announcing your fatness or any other flaws as a way to "ward off" supposed thoughts and comments by others is something I think a lot of women can relate to but not really put a finger on.

I hate it when girlfriends talk about how fat they are, I hate it when people point out (always with no small amount of anymosity no matter how good the friend) how "skinny" I look, and I hate hate hate it when I catch myself complaining about my body. LADIES!!! This doesn't do any of us any good!!! It just makes us all feel worse. We are succumbing to the pressure in society to look like fucking stepford wives and we do it to each other!!

Body image aside.. when you eat crap, you feel like, yep.... crap. And yes it will kill you. And you will be really miserable along the way. Speaking from experience here: eating a few vegetables once in a while (like everyday) and drinking a cup of tea when I get home from work instead of 3 or 4 white russians, and actually MOVING MY BODY during the day (and that does not include reaching to the scanner at the end of my desk) has made my constant depression, general uncomfortableness, tiredness, and really painfull tendonitis total history.

So I wish you luck Laurie, you will thank yourself. I think you are a very strong and beautiful woman!!

PS. exercising? You've got to find something you actually like to do. I started bellydancing, and before I know it an hour's gone by and I'm sweaty and out of breath and feeling awesome. Keep trying things till you find it, they gym isn't for everyone don't get discouraged.

Laurie, you are such an inspiration! I wish you well in your new healthier habits.

Like everyone else here (and most of America these days) I can relate to the weight/body image issue. I myself cannot think of a time when I did not think I was immensely overweight. Being the only fat one out of five very athletic and trim siblings can be really traumatizing for a gal. I’ve been trying to get the motivation up to lose 60 lbs, which would get me to a “reasonable” weight. But I am the world’s biggest procrastinator. Mind you this would mean weighing less than I ever have since I was 12 (literally), so it may not be so easy and it discourages me. I’ve even been a vegetarian for the past 11 years and rarely (like, twice a year) step foot inside a fast food restaurant. Genetics: complete mystery and a total bitch!

And Boo too all those skinny people who are bitching about their "fatness" to people with considerably "larger" problems.

Best of luck and perseverence to you.
I'm clinging to my single-digit size with my fingernails, and while I'm not fat, I'm definitely not happy either. I finished grad school, started a desk job, and stopped walking everywhere, so I've put on 10 pounds since August. Not to mention the 10 pounds I gained while in grad school. The only thing that stands between me and last summer's capri pants is determination and will-power, or my lack thereof.
You're definitely an inspiration, and I admire your resolve - especially in a public forum. I wish you many temptation-free weeks ahead. :)

Word. It's all about how you feel about yourself, not what the scale says. I've struggled with my weight my whole life and I've found that I'm generally the same size, no matter what I do. I can't seem to get below a certain weight. Knowing this now, I'm working toward getting back down there (off and on bouts of depressions are really bad for the whole weight thing) but not by dieting because if I diet, then I will never lose weight. I'm working on portion control and content. And being more active. Even if it's just walking.

But yes, just know that you aren't alone. From the pictures I've seen, you look absolutely adorable just how you are!

Hi Laurie,

After getting remarried 5 years ago, I gained 50 pounds. Excuses: 8 rounds of steriod medication due to asthma, a knee injury and a back problem (all of which kinda cut down on the exercise I was able to do) and stress from a job from hell.

On the upside, hubby still thinks I'm bodacious (as in EYE am bodacious, not necessarily my body is bodacious)

Had back surgery in December, am recovering, and exercising doing gardening (light) and water walking and aerobics. Btw: if you have a YMCA, join that and do the water exercises, they're funner, usually the other people are bigger than you and OLDER too, so you don't have to put up with the annoying single digit dingbats who think they're fat and lazy when they eat dressing on their salad and sit down afterwards.

I'm not going to wish you good luck, because you already are blessed with wit, charm and more popularity than I'll ever see! To quote my first grade class, "You are De BOMB"...whatever that means...

Hey I'm one week from my 45th birthday. I'm not only fat, I'm OLD.

sigh

I'm Aimee the Sis's sister, and she gave me the same diet. And she even had scurvey in high school, so she should know how to not get the scurvey. (Turns out, bread and gummi worms do not provide the daily intake of vitamins needed for health.)

Anyways, she's one of those size 2s who doesn't need to lose weight. :)

For myself, I'm down 35 pounds, but that's only because I had a surgery to make it happen. And I had cake today. Evil cake, I cannot resist you!

Your problem is that you live in Southern CA where an anorexic is body is considered obese. Move north!

Kathy in Mpls--big sweaters hide a lot & the cold burns many calories

Sorry to rain on the parade... but gin has 73 calories an ounce. With wine, at least you get a whole glass for the 70 calories.

When I started running again in college, I craved bread and grapefruit, but now running makes me crave sugar. (Also, recent studies show that swimming makes you hungry...)

South Beach does allow carbs! Just complex ones, for the most part. But I just had a hard time without the sugar...

Laurie,

Here's to a more healthier you!!! I wish you all the best on your new health endeavor. I would also suggest a vitamin supplement. My Mom swears by the benefits of Coral Calcium. Just something to think about.
Bright Blessings,
Angela
--another Southern Girl transplanted in California :-)

Go, Laurie! I am on this diet you described, the not-insane diet, and it's working for me. I don't know how much weight I have lost because I don;t have a scale, but my husband remarks on it frequently and I can feel it. Let me know if you want to talk food ever, I am slowly developing a pretty healthy repertoire of food that's good to eat... anyways. Thanks for checking out my site, too! :)

LOVE your blog - you have a talent for making me smile. your writing and observations are fantastic. are you a writer?

anyway - i have also gained some weight(quit smoking, hitting late 30's, stress, jim beam!!etc)

found this and it has started to help

i'm lazy but even i can usually get my ass to the gym once a week for 30 minutes. and a lot of what he says about muscle vs fat and aerobics being useless makes sense

they did a bit about his plan on 60 minute with twin sister - the one on his plan lost more weight, worked out less and ate better!! so there

http://www.bodytrends.com/products/books_videos/slowburn.htm

Why am I now dreaming about the office vending machine? Even someone else cutting back makes me want to snack. In solidarity of course!

Better eating habits are good. Healthy is good. Exercise, sadly, is really, really good but you really need to cut out the self depreciating comments! I think it's hardwired into all females over 100 pounds though. Like we have to apologize for taking up space and not being decorative enough. Pah.

sorry - that last post was me - didn't mean to send it anonymous.

Well, if it's any consolation/word of support, yours is the kind of figure I would like to have one of these days when I find which box my motivation got lost in. S'all relative, really. Just sayin.

trader joes has yummy salads. not all are super low in calories, but all have yummy veggies.

i encourage you to enjoy veggies and such with the same gusto you love yarn...

and sign up for one of my crochet classes this summer! crochet is essential to any weight loss plan;) (http://www.unwindyarn.com/classes.htm)

seriously, i'd love to have you in my class!

I think you're beautiful.

Hiya,
Way to go girl! You are so awesome, you can do this. One bit at a time.

My advice is that it helped me lose weight (I lost about 50 lbs about three years ago) to break the big goal (40 lbs) down. Weight Watchers talks about five pound increments, use that! Focus on the first five pounds and then do something just for you after you hit that goal. Then do something when you lose 10, etc.

I'm back to meetings each week (I've gained 20 lbs back - NOOO!) and for my first 5 pounds I'm giving myself an hour long bath with bubbles and a great slutty romance novel. Make the treat/goal non-food related and personal to you. Love ya! Hang in there! :)K

I agree with Heather. You are beautiful. Good for you Laurie.

Laurie,

You are great and beautiful and funny and strong and you brighten my day, everyday, even if only cuz I can totally relate! The Divorce diet did not really workout for me either. (Ugh, I said "workout"). I like to tell people I need to lose my baby weight but the "babies" are now 8 and 5 years old. Should I call it Kindergartner weight?

I too have about 40lbs to lose. If you are gonna try it, I will too. If only I could knit on the treadmill.

ps. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!

yeah...i can empathize with your frustration because, although i am probably one of those thinner girls that you want to hit, i moved up a clothing size this year and it made me feel like shit. plus, even though im thin ive got the major cellulite issues and even when i was in shape(running every day) i still always have that stuff all over my thighs and legs. so dont worry, i think everyone has their body issues even if you think they dont. just think about it this way...if you got hit by a truck tomorrow would you want the last meal you remember to be some bland tasteless diet crap? enjoy that wine and the chips and dont feel bad...its a pretty small issue in the long run. at least thats the way i try to think about it.

I am riding the shame spiral of weight gain myself, again. I hate yo-yo-ing. You have inspired me to put down that piece of lovely dark Dove chocolate I was just about to savor and give it another go.

hey...but dark dove chocolates are full of flavenols...wonderful antioxidants!! im such an enabler. but hey...give up pop, sugary juices, and drink lots of water and hot teas. i prefer whiskey to beer and try to eat things like rice instead of pasta. skip bread and have your wine. i could never, ever ever give up chocolate:O

Words of encouragement from a first-time commenter: you rock. I lost 10 pounds in a month by giving up a certain yellow-curved restaurant and committing to a 20-minute workout 5 times a week.

Fun? Hell no. But I get to kvetch about it on my blog, which makes it almost tolerable. ; )

(signed)
He who is not quite as svelte as he would like to be... ; )

Fat, like age, is a state of mind. Nevertheless, hauling around 40 extra pounds (been there, done that as they say) and feeling like it's too much effort to do anything physical gets you down. And really, it's never too late to change things. I'm 57 and have lost 15 pounds over the last 4 months by changing my diet (no more McD's) and walking several miles a day. I've tried organized plans in the past and find I'm just too contrary for those -- if they say "whatever you do, don't eat XYZ" well, ya know, XYZ is all I want to eat. (Did I say I was 57? Guess maturity is a state of mind too!) So, my best wishes for your success. You're marvelous -- talented and funny. You deserve to feel great about yourself.

"But if you don't talk about it, that shameful word divorce, neither will they."

I HATE THAT!!! Why do people avoid mentioning my ex, my marriage or my divorce? I was with him for 13 years.....a huge chunk of my life. I don't talk about him/it often, but it does come up in conversation. People look so damn uncomfortable when the topic comes up.

I'm not a frail china doll. Get a grip!

So, I had to weigh in (ha!) along with all 100 of your other well wishers, and say that I'm trying to lose weight too, and it's hard, and it takes TIME, but you can do it! Especially you, who is so effortlessly cool that you make ice cubes look steamy.

I'm reading this on June 1st, which is the day you said you're starting. Me too. I packed my lunch today for the first time in...I don't know...ages. Yogurt. Imagine that! Yogurt instead of McDonald's! And some carrots and a peanut butter sandwich. It's all about making better choices - most of the time. Then when you do have McDonald's or whatever you can relish in its badness and then carry on, knowing that most of the time you make better choices than that. Or something. Anyway, good luck! And thanks for the inspiration.

My personal favorite about women and eating:

when a normal sized/smallish woman says to me, "Oh god, I just want that (junk food here) so much! But it's so bad! Okay, I'm just going to be bad! Bad me!"

No, honey. Kicking a baby in the head? Now that's bad. Stealing from your old blind neighbor lady? That's bad too. Eating a Snickers bar? Don't waste my time.

Love your blog, by the way. You're hilarious.

I've enjoyed reading your blog for the past few months, and I want to wish you the best of luck with your goals!

I've always been on the chubby side, and the college fast-food diet sure didn't help. I've still got all the poundage on me that I gained in college, but I don't feel so bad about it. I think that part of it is that I gave up TV and fashion magazines. It's awfully hard to feel bad when all you have for comparison is real live people, because we're all kinda funny-looking when you get right down to it.

Also, that exercise thing makes me feel great, even though I am the slowest thing on legs OR wheels (no fooling!). Part of this is that I can feel that there's muscles under the fat layer, and that's pretty sexy. And part of it is that surely some of the weight MUST be muscle, so I am actually improving myself without losing a single pound. And of course I get to check out sexy guy butts as they pass me on the track, which would make anyone feel better about anything.

My advice is -- dump the cheap food things that make you feel bad and replace them with smaller amounts of better-quality vices. So, I now eat one or two high-quality chocolates instead of a crummy chocolate bar, and high-quality burgers and fries a couple of times a year instead of McD's every weekend. It's probably still terrible, but it makes me feel very virtuous.

Also, don't resign yourself to one type of exercise you're going to hate. Try something for a few months (take a class -- bully your friends into going with you), and if you hate it, then dump it and try something else. Try things you might not think you'll like! My boyfriend swore up and down he'd never jog, but liked it when he started. Eventually you'll find something you feel you're good at, and that will be your thing. And even if you don't -- by that time you'll have been exercising for years and will probably look and feel fabulous. Then you can make your own exercises up.

Anyway. This whole appearance thing is hard on us women. I'm glad I'm buried in academia, where people mostly don't pay attention.

In graduate school I put on 60(!) lbs. Very similar diet to yours. Living in wisconsin at the time everything fell into the cheese, fried, beer or chips category - and really lets face it, I usually combined all four categories in a single meal. I would come home from the lab everynight and sit down with a beer and a bag of doritos. And I have to tell you -- bags of doritos are single serving size, regardless of how big they are!!!

It took me two years, but after I graduated I did take it off. (And kept it off until I had a baby -- but that's a whole other set of issues...) In my experience, you're on the right track. What worked for me was to gradually make a bunch of small changes that added up. This week -- replace the doritos with air-pop popcorn. The next week, give up the cheese fries at lunch. The next month, start eating a real breakfast. Then stop taking the elevator at work because don't cha know the stairs are a gym-phobe's best friend. (come on, I was way too fat to be seen at the gym!) And so on and so forth. First I started physically feeling better - and no huffing and puffing on the stairs. And then, eventually the weight came off and off and off. Think the tortoise and the hare...
And one last piece of advice. When all else fails, and that bag of chips is really about to jump down your throat, pick up the phone and call someone. Just start talking about something - anything but that siren bag of chips. It gives your brain, mouth and hands something else to do. Really worked for me. Not great for your phone bill, but hey, if you want to live forever, you gotta be willing to spend a little $$.

Best of luck!
Jessie

Sounds like you have lots of readers who would also like to lose weight. Any thoughts of a knit-bloggers diet-along? If so, count me in! I lost some weight a few years ago, but put a lot of it back on when I hurt my back a year ago. I'm better now, but still lazy! I'd love some motivation (or public humiliation, either way) to help me get rid of those extra pounds again!

Oh I loved that post. I love all your posts, but I really got a kick out of you acknowledging the "If I say it first I'm claiming it" sort of thing. I do that about all manner of perceived self-flaws. Bad habit that we both need to work on!

Your giant fan club is all pulling for you!

You posted a recent picture of yourself from the stitch-n-bitch....I think youre hot, Irregardless.

I've found something that really helps me when I'm having a bad-body day, feeling really blah either physically or mentally, is a little bit of yoga, or even just general stretching. It makes me feel more capable in my body, is really calming and centering, and is gentle AND good for you.
Another first time poster who loves reading your blog :)

Oh, man, wine has calories? THAT's why I have to suck it in to show anyone what I'm knitting? Crap.

I had the 40 lbs as well...only I had it during a twelve-year rotten marriage. It fell off me when I ditched the marriage. Now that I'm happy in my second marriage, apparently I have forgotten that wine and homemade fries, no matter how French you are, pack on the pounds...

Time to put on them walkin' shoes and get some air. In Montréal, everyone walks around in summer looking like they're wearing their underwear, and even just a little baby flab sticks out like crazy. I feel hugely fat some days. (size 0? WTF?)

Take good care of yourself, however you see fit. You're hilarious and fun to read...and we're all cheering for you :-)

Halle-fucking-luiah. Said as only a Southern girl could. Damn that fried okra.

yeah, I keep thining..."If only I could cut the wine out for a while, I would be sooooo SKINNY: Hard to believe that something so vital in life should be so caloric.

Crazy Aunt Purl! Okay, off topic, but... I can't believe you've been to Shediac, of all places. I used to live in Nova Scotia and went to Shediac myself, where I had a very delicious non-McDonald's lobster roll!

If you like gigantic things, you should look for a book called "Canada's Gigantic". Probably it's out of print now, but it's full of...ready for it?... gigantic Canadian things! (surprising, eh?)

We drove across the entire country in Dec 2003 when we moved from NS to BC, and saw as many gigantic things in that book as we could find. Most memorable was a giant mosquito. Anyway, if you're ever back in Canuckistan, I think you'd enjoy finding and photographing yourself with as many gigantic Canadian things as possible. The lobster is just the beginning.

Now go do some knitting and take your mind off weight stuff. You look great!

PS I worked as a graphic designer in the art department at Coats Patons from 1993 - 1994, designing yarn bands, knitting pattern books, and whatever else they needed. I kid you not. I got a discount on all my yarn, and first dibs on the sample room sale every year! I'd get you more Up Country if I still worked there.