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May 6, 2005

Stich 'n Bitch 'n Epiphany

I have hermit-like tendencies. I tell you this because that's important background information for the rest of the story. I also have one rather lopsided, over-tweezed eyebrow right now, but that is not important to the story. Just so you know.

Last night, I went to the West Hollywood Stitch 'n Bitch (thanks again for the invite, Ellen!) and I made Jennifer go with me, and she even knitted! Her first scarf! And we met all kinds of genuinely nice and funny and REAL women who were knitting and crocheting and it was incredibly fun.

All this time I have been living in Los Angeles and wondering where all the REAL people were. Apparently they were knitting! I had no idea. Not that I don't love this city, I do, but it's so hard to meet people here who aren't hard and bright like so many little twinkling plastic jewels, teetering on high-high heels and drinking anything with "-tini" on the end and being fabulous, which I find exhausting.

But the SnB folks were smart and funny and diverse and welcoming and lovely and all I can tell you is that at some point we began a critical analysis of "Pretty In Pink" that made me feel like I was finally, at last, At Home.

"Ah, and the part where James Spader leans against the pink Kharman Ghia, remember?"
"I know! I know! He was hot!"
"He's short in real life."
"Ooooh, really?"
"I love how he's the only one who looks like he's 30 years old in high school..."
"And the part with the mean girl, remember, she says, 'Do I have class with you? And Molly Ringwald says, 'Yeah... gym.' And the mean girl, Bennie, says, 'Your name is GYM?'"
"And what about Annie Potts! Her clothes!"
"You know the part where she shoots the staple gun at the kid inside Traxx...?"

As you can see from the transcript above... me? IN HOG HEAVEN.

Pics from the WeHo Stitch 'n Bitch, click for big:

The WeHo SnB group at the Los Angeles Farmer's Market.

More group knitting, empty chair is mine, and Jen knits! She's a knitter!!

Also, LOOK!!! Ellen made me a crocheted "X" for the Down With Mr. X Knitalong!!!

This is a crocheted work of art, The Taco, By Ellen. Complete with lettuce and tomato.

Christine brought her lovely hand-dyed, handspun yarn to the SnB.
Visit her online at www.tooknappress.com.

So, how does the hermit thing tie in? Ah. Thanks for asking. It's just that meeting new people is really nerve-wracking for hermit types. I say incredibly inappropriate things, and when I get nervous I manage to blurt out nonsense, like talking about porn, and ya'll I don't even watch porn! I. HAVE. NEVER SEEN A PORNO. Well, I saw "Henry & June" which was rated NC-17, but that's it. (Gail says she does this too, and Gail is smart and funny and perfectly normal so maybe there's just a kind of Tourette's Syndrome we both share that makes us stutter out the word "porn" at social gatherings. I do not know.) (Porn! Porn!)

Anyway, moving along.

It was a big night for me, Spinster Hermit Lady, on many levels.

1) I actually left my house.
2) I actually left the Valley.
4) I got to knit with people who thought I was a knitter! FOOLED YA'LL!!!
5) No one tried to show me a PowerPoint presentation of their wedding cake.
6) I only mentioned porn once
7) Jennifer and I got to knit together for the first time EVER
8) Jen appeared to like knitting, which made me soooooo happy, like we'd both up and joined the Moonies but in a good way
9) I managed to keep the redneck out of my voice at least 40% of the time, deliberately throwing in a "you guys" instead of a "ya'll" at least once (Can ya'll tell that stupid blogtest in which I got 60% Dixie is still bothering me? THANKYOUVERYMUCH.)
10) My waning faith in the quality of people in Los Angeles was fully restored

Last night, when I drove home, I did that thing you do where you finally exhale, and then you immediately start wondering if you were a dumbass and said anything really stupid. Or, if you're me, you wonder if people think you have a creepy yarn fetish because YOU SNIFFED A BALL OF MOHAIR in front of people without realizing you had SMELLED THE YARN before it was too late. Oh yes, that was me. I picked up a beautiful ball of Debbie Bliss mohair that Crystal was showing me and I touched it, then folks, I SMELLED IT. Then I caught myself ... but the damage was done. Crystal assured me I was just getting "the full tactile experience." She was kind. BUT YA'LL. I may forever be known as Laurie, the girl who smells yarn.

So, of course I am thinking about this rather embarrassing moment and the "Down With Yarn Sniffers Knitalong" that will probably ensue, and I got home -- anxious, embarrassed -- and then I saw the Big Red X crocheted by Ellen peeking out of my bag and it made me laugh. And I thought about all the fun I'd had, and I was happy, and you know what? Maybe this Spinster thing isn't so bad after all.

Had Mr. X stayed, I may never have taken up knitting. And had I not become obsessed with knitting and yarn and living out loud, I may never have written a true thing. Had I not used blogging as therapy, I would not have met Ellen, who wouldn't have invited me to a Stitch 'n Bitch, and I wouldn't have met all the WeHo gals. And I certainly wouldn't be sitting in my own living room, happy, with Roy The Cat on my lap and a glass of wine on the coffee table, holding a Red X Of Solidarity and laughing like a 16-year-old after a slumber party.

Crazy, isn't it?


Posted by laurie at May 6, 2005 1:32 PM