Congrats! I'm without cable internet right now and can relate to DIAL-UP SUCKS!

Dial Up is scary. I fear it. We're moving soon and the BF is hounded daily to remember to call the cable company so the internets will be at the new apartment when we get there. I will cry if I have to move into an internet free apartment.

Dial up + impatience --> psycho bitch (me). I had the slow internets for 2 weeks and almost threw the computer off the balcony. Congrats for surviving such a trial!!

Congrats on the internet fixing, and have a great time BBQ'ing. Few things are as fun as eating and drinking too much in the backyard with friends.

I can't wait to see new groovy knitting pix now that your internet wires are uncrossed.

All I have is dial-up. Most days I'm reluctant to even think about selling my firstborn child to afford the local DSL charges, and I'd have to buy 400 subscriptions before they'd even wire this town for cable.

But though we have pony-tailed men here, most of them are too old to do any hugging, and none are named Javier. And there are tons of Aharons. I'm just sayin'.

Hugs from the internets.

I'm sorry, but tis 12:35am and I'm LMAO at your overly friendly cable guy! Congrats on getting your internet connection back. (doesn't dialup suck?)

All I can say is you lucky girl, at least you can get cable!! Whilst the cost here isn't so bad, my phone exchange doesn't support it. Excuse me, I thought this was the 21st century??
Love your work Laurie, you never fail to make me laugh, and hey, at having someone hit on you means you're not totally repellant to society, like I must be, lol!! Or it could be that stamp on my forehead that says Single Mum - RUN!!!!!.....

When we had our satellite installed, the scary installer guy was commenting on how cute my miniature dachshund is (and he was right - she is cute!) and I, being a friendly Southern girl myself, said, "They are great dogs. You should get one." He smiled really big and picked her up. Apparently "you should get one" means "take my dog" in whatever language he speaks. I jerked her back and said, "I meant, you should get your own!" Then I let the rottweiler in the house. The rest of the satellite installation was (blessedly) uneventful!

P.S. Good luck with your bbq. Here's a bbq side dish that is always a big hit. (If, of course, your friends are not particularly health-concious.) Take a loaf of french bread and slice it in half long ways (like you are making garlic bread) and then cut each half into slices. In a bowl, mix together mayo (about 3/4 to 1 cup for a whole loaf of bread) and cheddar cheese (I prefer sharp. Use about a 1/2 to 3/4 of a regular bag of shredded cheese.) Mix the mayo and cheese together well until the cheese is all coated. Spread about 2-3 tablespoons of the cheese mix on each slice of bread, covering the top. Broil in oven or toaster oven to melt cheese. It is super yummy - better than the sum of the parts, etc. And everyone things it must have been super hard because it tastes delicious. I always make it when we bbq and thought it might help you....have fun tomorrow!

stalker number 10 here... I would be lost without my internet, i am not looking foward to being home and possibly having to deal with dial up because I will be to poor for anything else! Over here on this side of the world highsppeed only cost 10.00 a month, really I'm serious. It's so great. I wish North America would get on cheap high sppeed band wagon. Congrats on the ufix and not getting any unwanted hugs!

Yea for your internet being back up and you avoiding the new cable guy! Have a fun BBQ-I'm up now because we're having COMPANY for breakfast which is weird but will end up with men leaving to play golf and-THANK GOD-women sitting on our asses and knitting. Jane

Lord, you are so funny! I'm lolling about in bed with a cup of coffee and the cat at my own delightful and happy Chez Spinster, laughing like a nutcase at your description of Javier. Mama is so NOT ready! Have you thought about a bookbookbook?

I think you should serve tater tots again. Just because I have no idea what the fuck they are and they sound funny.

as the queen of inappropriate touching (child, i want to hug everyone, all the time,) even i am a little appalled by javier. congrats on the return of the internets!

Throw a prawn on the barbie for me will you? No, I won't be dropping in, but like whilst Paul Hogan said it a lot, we usually do sausages and fore quarter chops and steak on the bbq.
Yay for cable! I would positively die if I had to fight with Nathan for the right to the net, cos he is a bandwidth hog. Teevee is not my best friend, my cable modem is!
Boo hiss for overly forward cable blokes!

Two things. One, you should've shown Javier your knitting immediately after offering him the diet Coke. You were just learning then, weren't you? You could have explained to him the different between knits and purls; he would have withdrawn his offer of a hug. Two, it could be useful to learn some northeastern, finger-snapping, stare with the evil eye, don't even think you're getting a tip for installing what's so obviously mine, grumpiness. I'm not saying it should permanently replace the Southern Way, but having it in your arsenal is a good thing. The Grumperina knows.

Aww, maybe there was just some mixed signals going on there. Javier may not be an LA native either, maybe he was just looking for a friend. I know, I would have leaned wtf back, too, but who knows what was going on in his head? When I lived in Boston, land of superunfriendliness (people ignore direct salutations and avoid eye contact as though it were an aggressive physical attack), I would have freaking hugged anyone who showed me a hint of kindness. Or I would have wanted to, anyway. Now I live in MN, land of super-open-ness, where complete strangers tell me their entire health histories (incl. terminal disease) while changing clothes in the gym. Though my impulse to throw my arms around perfect strangers has decreased since moving here, my heart sings with joy whenever people I don't know wish me a good day on the bus or an elevator. Who knows what I might have done if someone I worked with in Boston had been nice to me, made small talk, and offerred me a drink?

Hey Laurie, I don't do "handwork" (unless you count dusting as a skill). This wonderful talent jumped right over me (despite my momma's best efforts) into my baby girl, LadyLinoleum. I absolutely love your blog...truly you make my day every day.

Oh happy day!! Have fun with the bbq. Don't sweat the house stuff, at least not too much.

Is Minou coming?

I'm pretty sure the fault lay with Javier and not you. I've offered service people a cup of coffee/cold drink when they're at my place a while. Hell, I offered a box of tissues and an antihistamine to one who--as it turned out--was VERY allergic to cats. Started sneezing and snuffling five minutes after getting in my door.

I've also had some very long, pleasant chats with these people.

NEVER did any of them make any advances of any kind. You'd have to be a damn sight more obvious than just being nice to make them think you were, uh, "interested".

Then there are people like Javier. Who do not, shall we say, live on the same planet/in the same society as the rest of us. He interprets someone being nice as a come-on?

That little incident was in no way your fault. Javier was at fault and was lucky you didn't complain to the cable company and get his butt fired.

That said, I think the other poster's advice about discussing your knitting with him was right on. A friend of mine discusses either religion or insurance.

I have embraced the "single" thing so whole-heartedly that I have a hard time not being caustic when it comes to relationships (with cable guys, or otherwise). Embrace the feeling of getting off the couch and finding what YOU want to do in life, girl! Isn't it a hoot? My friends and I are in training to become cool old ladies by playing canasta and drinking wine in large volumes.

i feel your forehead pain says another girl with a large one.

Dial-up makes me shudder.
God bless the cable modem, DSL and T1 lines.

You are a hoot! I think you are funny, brave and a terrific writer. Thanks.

You're too funny. That is kinda creepy though. You're just too nice! Have fun at your barbecue :)

***And Javier said, "I would like to hug you now." And me, oh-so-cool-Laurie said, "Um, no, thank you."***

Hahahahahha, too funny. I actually threw my head back in laughter at the idea of this. Welcome back to the land of broadband internet!

You know, when I moved out to CA, the apartments we moved to weren't in range of any sort of broadband, cable or DSL. In Silicon Valley, can you imagine??? We had dialup for more than 2 years! I swear when we moved, one of the items we decided were necessary (just after things like "number of bedrooms and bathrooms") was DSL availability.

Oh, heck, I've had that kind of crap happen--and I'm married with two kids, a cat, and a barky dog. Those kind of guys will do that to anyone with two x chromosomes--even an icky-looking sahm who hasn't bathed in at least two days and has two sticky-faced little ones crowding in.

While I've never been hugged, I have had three hit on me like I'm Pamela Anderson or something. I think it all starts with the fact that you're home and breathing. I second the showing of the knitting, though--it might make them back off. I'll try that one myself next time and see if it works.

Good that the cable's back!

I think I know Javier!

I have to thank you for staying at work and doing that logo. Goodness knows that you saved mankind from extinction!

And I'm also glad to know that you crawled back out of the "ooze" that is dial-up.

It could have been worse...it could have been LARRY the CABLE GUY telling you GIT-ER-DONE!!!
Welcome back to the land of high speed INTERNETS!! We love you here!!

Oh Jesus. Javier. Hysterical. That is *so* something that would happen to me. And I'm not Southern, just friendly.

Diet Coke & a smile = a hug from a stranger. Who would have thunk it?

It's not just cable guys. The last time my boyfriend and I moved, together from one apartment to another, one of the movers noticed I had no ring on my finger. With my boyfriend standing right beside me he gestured toward my boyfriend and said "are you HIS wife?" When I said "no, we aren't married", he didn't even take another breath before hitting on me... in front of my boyfriend. He continued to hit on me and leer at my butt the entire day. Skeevy...

Yes, show him your knitting. Especially on the big, sharp needles. Weird men seem scared off by women with sharp implements that could poke them somewhere uncomfortable.

Yeah, pretty sure this wouldn't happen in New York. The cable guy might grab your ass, but he certainly wouldn't ask first. (Actually, in New York he wouldn't show up, and he certainly wouldn't climb any trees. He would say, "That's not my job. Call the office," and disappear forever.)

Yeah for BBQ! Also there was someone her einthe comments who didn't know what Tater Tots are - how si that possible?

OMG EW EW EW SCARY CREEPY MANS! I just found your blog recently and lord, you are charming and awesome. But you don't deserve to be mans-handled by no cable dude. Yeesh. In time like that, I think I would take after my four cats (you're not alone!), and HISSSSS at the mans. Ew. Creep. He would def. run away screaming if hissed at.

"I'm too sexy for my cable guy!"
-new Aunt Purl motto ;)

...and where was Bob? Isn't he the attack cat? heehee

Definitely keep your knitting at hand. Then you've got weapons.
"Internets" that is so cute!

Too bad more people don't understand The Southern Way (which might also be the Maritime Way if you were from down east in Canada). Ho hum.

Congratulations on having a BBQ. Housework sucks almost as bad as dial-up but this is a real move away from the hermit phase. Hurray. Things are clearly looking up chez purl.

Hi-lar-ious!

I love your blog! I'm a blogger for the newspaper in Austin "Goddamn it's hot" Texas and I WISH my blog was funny as yours.

Rhiannon

Re: Javier. I had a similar situation recently with a new neighbor that was clearly from another country and culture. I was/am friendly, said "hi" to him whenever I saw him around. Then one day, he starts this, "Hello, beautiful, because you are beautiful." The guy is like, in his fifties, and I am 33. But I ignore it. Then the next time I see him, he asks, "So, you do not have a boyfriend?" Which means he's been paying attention. "No," I reply. "So, I come visit you then?" and he starts winking in the creepiest fashion I've ever seen. Since I had also recently been hit on by a drunk guy at a bus stop, who was holding the last beer in the six pack, still attached to the 6-ring plastic holder thingie, I was not polite as I may have been otherwise. "You?" I asked. "Yes, I come visit you." "No!" I said firmly. "No, no, no, no no no." I repeated as I walked up the stairs and into my apartment. Anyway, GOOD FOR YOU for not accepting the hug, which I am sure some women would have done! We are raised to be polite, and it's not a good thing!

"Um, no thank you" might not be the coolest reply, but really, what can you say? I said the same thing when told "I would like to kiss you", by a guy I had met on the Internets. (I don't know if you have even looked into that, but even though someone always knows someone who has met their life-mate that way, I seriously don't recommend it. Soon the city becomes full of guys that you think you sort of know, and you feel you have act out the mental illness that you told them you had to make them go away.)
(And it has to be a severe mental illness, because they already know you have five cats and a dog and still were desperate enough to send a message.)
Take it as a compliment, -it's not our fault we are killer-hot spinsters- and make sure your doors are locked. I'm just saying ;>

OMG, you are the funniest lady I have read lately! My daughter, who is a knitter, sent this to me (I don't knit but I do appreciate the skill it takes!!) and I don't know when I've laughed so hard! She warned me not to drink anything while reading and now I know why! Thank you for a VERY bright spot in the day! Being Southern myself, I have that Southern attitude -- and it can get misunderstood, yes, indeedy. I like the idea of having the knitting needles handy and just may take up knitting myself for defense! How about a class in Self-Defense Knitting? We could knit our own belts as we advance (white to black), use different techniques, and always use Javier as our "Punching Bag". What do you think? It could work! I do like to cook and usually have a nice sharp chef's knife handy... or a nice, long paintbrush with a really sharp pointed end... those can be quite handy, too. And a guard cat named Koko. Hmmm. I can see it now. A bunch of women armed with cats and dogs and knitting needles, and cooking knives, and paint brushes. Revenge of the ... what? I'm married, so it can't be of just single women. How 'bout you ladies come up with something?

Thanks again for the belly laugh!
Susan