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April 08, 2005
Whoops!
In a desperate attempt to be a better person, one whose bitter, dying soul isn't the mouthpiece of Satan, I have tried my hardest to stay away from more tales of youknowwho.
Today, I meet with failure. Hi, Failure, nice to meet you... again!
But so what, I fail! It isn't like I haven't failed at grander pursuits (like ... oh... say, marriage). She's evil! I can't help myself! Flames of hell ... I can feel you licking at my feet....
And now a little note from your crazy old Aunt Purl:
Did ya'll know you can get fired for writing things about people on your website? Even if you change the names to protect the not-so-innocent? Oh yes. That's what Jennifer says, and she's completed almost a whole year of law school so you know she's mad qualified to advise me. Apparently the girl who runs the website dooce.com got fired. Bad! Not good! They even coined a name for this getting-fired-because-of-blogging. It's called "getting dooced." (See BBC story here. Scary!) So if I got canned, I would not even have the satisfaction of having a cool phrase named after me, like "getting auntpurled crazystyle."
So, you know, that little ditty that used to be here this morning about Jack and Diane? And, uh, youknowwho? It's gone. Poof! I so cannot get fired, people. Someone has to bring home the meow mix around here, and it isn't Mr. X. Furthermore, I officially blame the deletion of some of my better, although meaner, writing on Mr. X. (I like that I manage to find ways to blame him for all sorts of things. It's creative, really. And so, so true.)
The people who came up with this new rule governing the content of personal websites and online diaries are definitely NOT Southern. If they had been from the South, they would have known that the absolute, worst, most awful comeuppance ever dished out by man (or mean, spinster-style cat lady) was Getting Talked About. This is how we keep folks in line down South. If you go to the grocery store and you're too good to speak to the bag boy and you don't say "hey," you are so Getting Talked About. And since the bag boy is the younger brother of someone you went to school with about five hundred years ago, he's going to Talk About You. And eventually he will tell his mother. And she will tell someone who will tell your mother that you were too uppity to say "hey" at the grocery store. You have been Talked About, and shamed.
It's a great way of keeping people in line. Never underestimate the power of Getting Talked About!
But as I can't keep on talking about you know who, since I totally cannot get fired (a girl has to eat, you know) I hereby present you with a completely lame, inoffensive ditty about knitting. It's not so funny, but it has mystery, and intrigue, and cats, and a trip to the Home Depot. Read on!
And now a brand spanking new entry from your crazy old Aunt Purl:
Of all the many hand-knitted items I have made (read: scarf upon scarf upon scarf) the only one that gets any real, daily use is the kitty pi. The furballs LOVE the kitty pi, and there are many cat fights and much jockeying and positioning all about the kitty pi.
One would think I should just go forth and knit another kitty pi. But that would be logical, and ya'll know me. So I was staring at the kitty pi the other day, pondering its greatness ("Aunt Purl, you oughta get out more.") and I think I came up with a possibly BRILLIANT idea for a NEW knitting project for my cats. Do you want to know what it is? You crazy cat ladies? Whooops, too bad so sad!
I'm going to keep it secret for now since I'm not sure if I can procure some of the supplies. Before I can tell you my BRILLIANT idea, I need to go to Home Depot and look for the crucial component of my Mystery Knitting Project. (Are you intrigued now? What the hell is she knitting that requires supplies from Home Depot? I've totally forgotten that Aunt Purl is the mouthpiece of Satan! Right?) My new project may require some Knitting Math, which I hate. HATE YOU MATH. But then when my brain hurts I can have wine. LOVE YOU WINE. So it all works out in the end.
Plus, I also have a surprise for you on May 1st. Which I know is a long time to wait for a website surprise, especially one that's not porn (and my dad reads this site, so, nope, no porn!) but it is a good one, if I must say so myself. So if you're so distraught over missing out on the evil bile that was posted here this morning, at least straighten yourself out enough to come back on May 1st! Big surprise!
Posted by laurie at April 8, 2005 09:36 AM
Comments
Please tell me you at least plan on posting between now and May 1st. If you don't who will I stalk?
Posted by: Crystal at April 8, 2005 10:23 AM
I don't think you can get fired for talking about a colleague who isn't your boss, but I totally understand. I never post about work. I am from a very small town, so I so know what you mean about "Getting Talked About!"
Posted by: Niki at April 8, 2005 11:19 AM
Nooooo! I heart (zilla) stories so much! Stupid litigious society, keeping me from my humor.
Posted by: Ashley at April 8, 2005 11:27 AM
I've talked about not blogging about work before, and as long as there aren't any set rules or guidelines governing blogging, I wouldn't. Plus, there's a case right now regarding blogging and its first amendment rights, and how blogging is akin to journalism. It's a relatively new form of "news" so there are still a lot of gray areas.
Posted by: MJ at April 8, 2005 11:39 AM
Ashley, please don't hate me for doing that to your comment, LOL. You can never be too careful! Or paranoid!
Crystal ...you know you cannot shut me up. Really. Have you learned NOTHING? heh heh
MJ & Niki ... Last night I couldn't sleep and it was too late in the evening to take a sleeping aid, so I got up, had a glass of wine (surprise!) and started googling "getting dooced" and it scared the poo out of me. Poo, gone! Scared! Here are some of the links I found. How is this possible, ya'll? People getting fired for being witty. Can we close the Internets now? So only cool people can use it?
- Have a blog, lose your job?
Workers with Web logs are everywhere, and they're starting to make corporate America very nervous:
http://money.cnn.com/2005/02/14/news/economy/blogging/index.htm?cnn=yes
- Bloggers get 'dooced'
http://www.ojr.org/ojr/blog/Technology/188/
- Editor's Letter re: Getting Dooced
http://www.theweekmagazine.com/editor.asp?a_id=817
Hate you, legal world! Except Jen. Of course :)
Posted by: laurie at April 8, 2005 12:39 PM
Suckity. I thought everyone but me could talk about people from work. Now what am I supposed to do? I work at a school so we have "confidentiality" rules. So, I can't post anything about anything. Now this. Whyyyyyy? (nancy kerrigan like yell)Whyyyyyyyyy?
Posted by: chris at April 8, 2005 01:27 PM
Just stumbled upon your blog - great stuff. I recently posted about people at work (no names of course), and my husband suggested that was not a good idea. I hadn't even thought about it! So in the interest of not getting dooced - I'm refraining from work-related posts. Sucks cause I usually have a lot to bitch about.
Posted by: Melissa at April 8, 2005 02:31 PM
This is so sad! I liked the first post from this morning SOOOO much better. (For Those Of You Not Up Early Enough To Read It: It was GOOOD!) This will not stop me from reading, though.
Posted by: Amanda at April 8, 2005 03:22 PM
oh. you should email me stories about you know who. because they are great, and i'm so sad that the fear of the doocing must silence them forever...
ps. i want to know about the secret home depot project!!
Posted by: rachel m at April 8, 2005 05:11 PM
eh, by boss is still a f*cktard, and I don't care who knows it. Hell, even HE knows he's a moron
Posted by: La at April 8, 2005 07:01 PM
I'm so glad I read your original post this morning. I really enjoyed your Zilla stories. It's unbelievable that people like that exist. I guess I'm fortunate not to know any...or maybe that's why I'm somewhat of a recluse :)
Posted by: linda at April 8, 2005 08:00 PM
you should go and vist my little beans on her gnitting blog... http://www.semaphoria.com/james/gnit
she is knitting right now!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: dr. forkbeard at April 8, 2005 10:21 PM
You are one crazy lady...I LOVE your posts, even if I did miss the good one that was taken back..yes, the kitties need you to bring home the bacon (I'm sure they don't care if you fry it). Can't wait to see what you have planned for May 1st.
Posted by: Sherrill at April 8, 2005 11:48 PM
i'm glad i got the chance to read your earlier version of this post but will miss the zilla posts. counting the days until may 1st!
Posted by: jacqueline at April 9, 2005 04:37 PM
I'm just glad that someone else knows about the dreaded "Talked About." I don't get to go back to my hometown that often (south Georgia), but when I do, people I haven't seen in almost ten years manage to find me in a grocery store. And then I still get talked about!
Posted by: Ms. Pan at May 26, 2005 03:52 PM
