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April 20, 2005

Oh, and sometimes I talk about knitting.

I have completed the first half of the Mystery Knitted Cat Thingamajig. It's big. And heavy. And it is miles and miles of totally boring stockinette, which I love! Love you knit stitch! I can watch TV and drink (Dad: lemonade) (everyone else: as if!) and knit away because this gigantic project of mine has no pattern, no colorwork, no purling, just some knitting in the round. You advanced knitters will find this project the most boring thing you have ever laid eyes upon. Unless you are crazy cat people (ha! don't act like you're not! I have seen all your catster pages!) and then you may think this is a cool project.

Your opinion on this project cannot deter me, however, since I am in this for the long haul. In fact, this project may be the WORST idea I have ever had, but I am totally committed to it. Kind of like my marriage. Whoops! Did I say that out loud?

Yesterday, my knitting bag was bulging over with the ginormous mystery project, and one of my coworkers asked me what I was making. I pulled it out of my bag and explained the Mystery Knitted Cat Thingamajig concept to my office mates. Big Mistake. Helpful Coworker #1 pointed out that I was going to an awful lot of effort to knit something that I could just BUY. At a store. And then Helpful Coworker #2 piped up that, you know, wouldn't it be CHEAPER to just purchase the item at a pet store? And FASTER? And also, it would probably look better, too.

Thank you, Helpful Coworkers. Now, let me explain a few things to you.

Hi! Guess what! Knitting is not the cheapest way to get a pair of socks. Or a sweater. Or a scarf. Or ANYTHING. In fact, if you're thinking, "Self, maybe I should take up knitting so I can save money on clothes..." then you should probably back away from the computer, slowly, and make an immediate detour to the closest yarn store in your neighborhood. Then watch in awe as your credit cards vibrate. Pick up a ball of your favorite yarn, look at the price. Multiply that by 10 or 11 or 15 for a sweater. Even a scarf can cost you $60 if you, like some people we know who shall remain unnamed, select a Filatura di Crosa yarn called Tokyo (ahem) for your first ever project.

No, I do not knit for the ROI, nor for the cost effectiveness of handknit vs. store bought. I do not knit because it's the fastest way to get a scarf. I do not knit because I am a great knitter.

I knit so that my hands and mind will be occupied with miles and miles of stockinette. When my hands are busy, it becomes much harder to drunk dial Mr. X and tell him that God has spoken to me, and God says Mr. X is bad, and should be punished, and that probably his new girlfriend has a social disease that has no cure. And probably he has it too, even though she is probably faking it just like I did, and by the way, God is the one telling me this, it's not because I'm bitter. Or drinking. With my four cats.

This, folks, is why I knit.

Posted by laurie at April 20, 2005 10:23 AM