D!!!!!

Dude, that whole entry is cracking me up. And for the record, when I was little, my mom & I used to make the hotburgers whenever we found ourselves with only hot dog buns in the house, lol...

Is the name of the botanica supposed to lure you into spending that much while you're there...sneaky latino voodoo! ;-)

I have to say: fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Because somewhere on your site is a "dirty word" or series of "dirty words" and the FUCKING internets connection at my office (oh, I mean god-fearing, bible-reading people in charge IT)don't let us see such NASTY, DIRTY words. So have to do SECRETLY change the lan connection on my browser so I can read your site. But it's TIME CONSUMING. I want to get to crazy aunt purl WITHOUT delay. So please, from now on, NO MORE BAD, DIRTY, FILTHY, WASH-YOUR-MOUTH-OUT-WITH SOAP words, OK? They fuck up my ability to see your site easily!

E: I don't know who that stuff belongs to.
C: Chicken hat! Chicken hat!

Question 1 = C That is so easy to pull off!

Question 2 = D, but with a sappy hallmark card on the side.

I so want to make that hat! I'm waiting for the right sprogging - none of the people sprogging this year would get it!

I was at Cracker Barrel for lunch today. My Mom LOVES tacky chicken stuff. But she likes it because it is tacky - she is kind of wacky like that. I think your mom would look fabulous in the chicken hat. I vote for making the chicken hat.

Which reminds me - I have a party coming up in Novemeber that I have to wear an odd hat too - the Chicken Hat may be just what I am looking for. Of course it would be social ruin if your Mom and I showed up in the same hat.

I think you need to just OWN the craziness Aunt Purl.

1. Get a jar of vienna sausages and stick some pins in them.
2. Place in center of latin voodoo shrine.
3. Make no apologies or excuses.

I love the way you're dealing with the crappy karma in your life. You are a very funny and creative woman, and cute to boot.

Thanks for writing for us!

PS - if you think your mom will laugh her ass off, make the chicken hat.

E: tell everyone Mr X left it and you may need it for court
C: knit her the hat, b/c it is a hat even a chicken-hater would love. I think I will knit them for my whole family and make them wear them for the annual family photo.

Chicken Hat with Voodoo candle hands down. You dont want your Mama thinking you do things half-assed now do you?

HA!

1. B (It's the actual sort-of truth, right?)
2. D! D! D! (Because you just wouldn't be you if you didn't, I'm thinking.)

D! For certain. I'm sure your mom has the sense of humor to appreciate it. After all she gave birth to you and you are one funny chick. ;-)

question number one is not nearly as fun as question number two to which i will answer:
C: Chicken hat! Chicken hat!
I love your blog so much! It always makes my day brighter the way you're so upbeat. So to you: thank you every day.

Chicken Hat with VooDoo Candle definitely. Your story reminded me of a pre-wedding gift my sister and I sent to our soon to be sister-in-law. She absolutely hated cows, country cows, etc. So we packaged together an entire kitchen of cow stuff and shipped it to her. Of course she as many central Missourians do lived in a trailer park, and someone stole the box of cow paraphanalia from her porch before she received it. Of course I still think somewhere in her boxes is a box of hidden cow stuff she just said was stolen and really wasn't.

As a fellow law student, 6 weeks tell graduation… praise the sweet sweet lord, Jennifer needs the shut up candle. She must light that baby up on her desk during con law and allow the voodoo to swirl around the room. Perhaps it will halt that one kid in the class that keeps asking dumb questions and not letting the Prof give his lecture.

Multiple-choice answers:
Question 1: C (ohhh aren't those colorful? I think they really brighten the place up)

Question 2: A (It is good to keep a nice scare on your mother)

Hi, Crazy Aunt Purl! You crack me up. I vote C, C, C! I have a link to that pattern and others from my blog's links page. Pattern links include the Elvis wig, a fried breakfast platter hat, willie warmers, the scary Girl Skier Mask, a Rasta hat, and other silly oddities. You might enjoy checking out some of those too. Here's the URL for my links page:
http://www.carolynbahm.com/knitblog/loopy_links.htm

Keep up the writing. ;o)

- Carolyn B., Collierville, TN

Chicken Hat and Voodoo!

And damn, now I want Voodoo. I could knit little Voodoo Candle Cozies!

You must knit her the chicken hat. In fact, I may knit one for my mom too. Except, she really DOES like chickens. It will be like a secret knitter-Texan-daughter-chicken-hat club.

Threaten? No.

I'd totally make it for her. :)

Also, I need one of those SHUT UP candles for my office. REALLY NEED.

I don't know if it's because I'm 8 months pregnant or just slightly twisted, but I LOVE the hamburger shaped like hot dogs!! I laughed so hard! Thanks, I sooo needed that!

The chicken viking hat is a must. Absolute must.

D for the first one or you could tell everyone that your divorce papers brought them home after their weekend out on the town. :)

C for the second. Hell, I want one to wear to my daughters wedding but I don't have enough time to make it. Wait -- I don't knit, bummer :(

I used to make my mom PEEL my hotdogs or I wouldnt eat them. That and pick the lima beans out of my campbells vegetable soup!

And I vote
D: Make a joke about your weird big toe (diversion is good!)
&
C: Chicken hat! Chicken hat! (I say DO IT!)

Oh, I so need a SHUT UP candle too! But for your questions:
B.: What stuff?
D.: Chicken had and voodoo candle
And get that can of teensy vienna sausages and stick pins in them!!

D, of course. Make sure you take a picture of her wearing it!

1. E. Your divorce lawyer sent you the voodoo. And upon advice of council, you can't say anything else.

2. D. (but through in a sappy hallmark card for good measure!)

Give her a chicken hat with voodoo candle. Make her promise to wear the hat while burning the candle and saying incantations against Mr. X. Make sure you request a video of the event!

As to the first multiple choice section, you need to add:

E. Tell them you're going into business as a witch doctor to offset your legal expenses. Let them know you accept cash, checks and credit cards. Satisfaction guaranteed.

Awesome! Q1: I go for E, a write in answer - ask them if they really want to know, in a mysterious voice, then say you can't discuss it, equally mysteriously. Thus they will be extra nice to you in fear of voodoo reprisal.
Q2: C all the way!

Definitely D for both. Use wool, though, in case she tries to burn the hat in effigy... less dangerous.

too fucking much dude.I am so shaking my head at you.
I have one question.Are all of you California people so crazy? *grin*

Q1: B
Q2: D!D!D! It will be a Mother's Day she'll never forget! (but maybe also buy her a little *real* gift too-I personally have a fear of eggs which leads to lots of *gifts* around Easter)
This is my first visit to your site, and I almost fell out of my chair laughing (coworkers still shooting strange looks my way). I can't wait to read more.
La Farmacia sounds like a very upscale version of The Broom Closet, our local *metaphysical* store. We don't have the Shut Up candles though--I'll have to ask the owner to look for them.

:o)

Your mom *so* needs that chicken hat. Who knew such a thing existed? I've got to get out more.

OMG You are awesome!!! I'm totally in love with you and your site!!

I say totally:

exorcism!!!

and

Chicken Hat and Voodoo Candle!!

Thanks for making me laugh!!

Chicken hat! Chicken hat!

(Also, that hat is AWESOME. Seriously. I love it to pieces.)

I just laughed so hard I cried. Definitely the chicken hat with voodoo candle.

Dude! You SO have to make her that raw chicken hat! If she were MY mom, I'd do it! It's not like it has feathers or anything....

A and C. But I wouldn't threaten, I'd just do it. And maybe throw in a nice card for good measure hehe. I totally need to find me one of those stores, how cool!!

Definitely the chicken hat w/ the voodoo candle. And of *course* it's art! If someone challenges you, the correct response is, "Just what exactly do you think you're saying?" with an arched eyebrow.

Perfect...

w.r.t. the voodoo stuff:

E: Act as if everyone has this stuff in their house (as common as a Catholic crucifix) and ask for advice: "When you light your 'make Mr. X's tiny member rot and fall off' candle, how long do you let it burn?"

And as for your Mom...
Make that hat. And perhaps include a promise for something nice later (perhaps a hat made of the divorce papers?).

I think I actually snorted when I laughed at this entry. No one is here to confirm it however, so I will be denying it vehemently if the subject is ever broached again.

The first one's tough. The white girl act could be so easy, but to pull of the art installation thing with dignity - now that's a challenge.

Definitely go with the chicken hat and a voodoo candle to ward off evil eye, because she'll be getting some really jealous stares as she walks down the street in the baby.

OMG. I was having a completely boring day until your hilarious post! Definitely make the chicken hat. Everyone needs a good naked chicken hat.

Question 1~ Just pretend the stuff appeared at your house and act surprised and oddly fascinted and

Question 2~NO! Don't threaten her with it..make it and send it annonymously..stuffed with peeps...or hard boiled eggs...or the wind up chickens that hop....

and when you can, you need to find the soundtrack to Avenue Q and listen to The Internet is for Porn.

mj

How long do I have to answer these questions? I like to study for tests. I'm just saying.

OMG, I cannot wait for my voodoo magic delivery!

Aimee the sis is soooo right. I totally needed a SHUT UP candle this whole year in class - or rather, I needed, oh, about SIXTEEN OF THEM!

C. But only so that I won't get Talked About.

C. You just have to make her the chicken hat, but put a gift certificate inside so you won't get get Talked About.

BTW: I think you should pick up a "No Bus Fire" candle. The "shut up" candle would be perfect in case the no bus fire candle doesn't work.

For question 2 I would say go with D! Do you have Voodoo candles that protect you against chickens?? Love the blog!!

Chicken hat! Chicken hat! One year my mother insisted that she only wanted a pair of socks for mother's day. In revenge i bought her a pair of knee high rainbow striped stunners and she turned out to completely adore them. She shows them off to her meals on wheels ladies and everything.

Oh my god, you SO have to make the viking hat for your mom. I'm in love with your mom from that damn hot dog/hamburg story....freakin' perfect, and so right on. Sometimes, you just gotta mess with your kids to stay sane yourself.

Years ago, my father walked into a Hispanic store and was looking at the candles. My family is Hispanic (father/mother Chilean, stepmother Puerto Rican) and though my father never took stock in the candles, he knew my stepmother did.

He jokingly asked the dude behind the counter for a candle that would help remove an unwanted presence in the house. The clerk somberly handed him two large candles and told him to burn the first one and within 7 days the evil would be gone. Then, he was to burn the second one for the next 7 days to prevent its return.

My father burnt the first candle and the following weekend my alcoholic/crazy/devil stepmother picked up her things and promptly left the house. My father took the candle he burnt to his friends and one friend shouted out to rid himself of the candle because all the glass was blackened with soot and that meant he had burnt the worst evil this man had seen in a house.

The week after my stepmother left, he burnt the second candle and the glass remained sparkling clear.

While we may not truly believe in the vodoo candles, we still laugh about the whole thing to this day. Now my father, he swears by the candles.

Get the poor woman a sappy Hallmark card. As a chicken hater myself, it's. not. funny! It isn't! Why do people think ranting about chickens is funny? I can't help it. Hate. Them. And they are Everywhere. Chickens. Gah.

Chicken hat!! Chicken haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!

Every mother's dream, ya know?

I like answer A for question 1, just because its funny to pretend to be an art snob. And for question 2, C! You could get her something else to make up for it, since she sounds like a good mom. But its FUNNY. And can you get me a shut up candle? I need it for my roomates. Also, when I was in the Dominican Republic, I got a present for my boyfriend that was special soap and weird liquid soap in a box. It was supposedly made by Haitians, who are weird, according to Dominicans. On the outside it had a big muscley dude punching another guy, and it said, "Yo puedo mas que tu." He loved it!

I haven't read the multiple choice part II. So for the first part I would say either "A" or really say nothing at all... anyone seeing it would probably either freak or be afraid to mess with you and that is sometimes a very good thing (kind of like buying a shut up candle). By the way, I use 7 day candles all the time and believe very strongly in the power of intention, affirmation, prayer and using the power of the quantum field. It works for me EVERY TIME - as long as I truly believe it is within my power/will to create whatever it is that I am trying. If there is any doubt, or if I haven't developed the intention enough, then it doesn't work.

CHICKEN HAT!!CHICKEN HAT!! I must say in light of my own recent accomplishment of basic crochetted toboggan.
Good luck with that project! Yes, this may be my first time commenting, and yes I may in fact crochet, doesn't mean I don't love reading your blog!!!!! Keep it up, and hooray for hotdog shaped hamburgers!

It seems unanimous - The Chicken Hat. And I'll go w/the poster who says your soon to be ex left the voodoo stuff behind. Can you get any chicken blood at the botanica?

CHICKEN HAT CHICKEN HAT CHICKEN HAT CHICKEN HAT CHICKEN HAT CHICKEN HAT!!!!!!

1. E: "hell yeah i'm trying to voodoo the heck outta Mr X!"
2. Chicken hat with voodoo candle.

I can't even answer the questions, my utter amazement at la Farmacia has me totally scrambling for my phone book to see if there is some equivalent here in my area. (Probably not, given how Northward I am!)

Chicken hat and voodoo candle, but not the "Shut Up" candle. As for the first question, say nothing about it. If your visitors ask, look at them with that "Oh, I'm so embarrassed for you -- never mind, we'll just move on" look which you, as a Southern girl, will doubtless have perfected,.

Question 1 = B: Say you have a poltergeist and are in the midst of an exorcism

Question 2 = D: Chicken hat with voodoo candle.

Okay...no chicken hat for mom! Go with a totally awesome, yet understated and refined high-class scarf. Nothing says "I kick total knitting ass" than a fancy scarf.

Or, be like me and totally whip up a "face cloth" and give it to her with fancy soap. Economical, crafty, and (usually) appreciated.

As for the first question...GO ALL OUT AND EMBRACE YOUR INNER VOODOO. I have an altar on my mantle, filled with Chinese/Hindu gods and goddesses, some candles, and incense. If my guests don't like it, they can mosey on down to the local Catholic church to cleanse their souls. :)

Does that store do online orders? Seriously! If you have any information, let me know. I totally need some shut up candles and some good mojo for my ex!

I do love that Chicken Hat, but not as much as the SHUT UP candle. I must have that!

Question #1: D--I have weird big toes too.

Question #2: OK I looked at Sarah Mundy's Chicken Hat page, and that is a baby hat. You don't want to disappoint your mother by knitting a garment she can't wear, and let's face it, you have confessed to being challenged by the maths at times and I think resizing will take some number manipulation. As a newbie knitter myself, it looks hard (have you read the pattern?). You have ten days. Don't make yourself crazier that you already are. Though don't think I don't love the crazy. SO--get some mileage out of that hat. Threaten now, take the rest of the year to figure out how to resize and knit, and Mother's Day 2006 give her the hat after she has forgotten the threats. HA!

No one's mentioned the knitalong yet?
http://rawchickenhat.blogspot.com/

Dear C.A.P.,
I just found your site and I love it. And you. In a friendly across-the-Internets way, of course.

I'm also fairly newly divorced and trying to write a dissertation while also doing all the crap around the house and errands that a spouse might do if sufficiently nagged and I'm just worn out.

But reading your site every day perks me up, allows me to ignore everything housekeep-y except feeding the cat, and get on with life.

And your funny mother would just rock in a chicken viking hat. Knit it in rust and tell her it's barbequed.

B: Say you have a poltergeist and are in the midst of an exorcism
D: Chicken hat with voodoo candle. (with a card with all sorts of written in sappiness about her awesome Momness)

*Hugz*

Lucky

I vote with Tish: tell 'em Mr. X left it & you need it for court reasons.

And make the hat. It'll be even better if it's baby-sized.

Question #1: B (after all, you are from the south and people will just write this answer off as one of those south-of-the-mason-dixon quirks.)

Question #2: C. Every mother needs a chicken hat. And the look on her face when she realizes what it is will be worth every single minute you spent knitting. If she is anything like my mother, that look will be some where between "you sweet, sick, delusional child" and "brat".

Question #1: B (after all, you are from the south and people will just write this answer off as one of those south-of-the-mason-dixon quirks.)

Question #2: C. Every mother needs a chicken hat. And the look on her face when she realizes what it is will be worth every single minute you spent knitting. If she is anything like my mother, that look will be some where between "you sweet, sick, delusional child" and "brat".

D!!

D!!

hehe

L-O-V-E the chicken hat. But, it follows this blogger's recent post of "just because you can knit it..." Check it out, she's hilarious.

http://knitkittyknit.blogspot.com/2005/04/just-because-you-can-knit-it.html

PS - I vote for chicken hat, and voo doo candle. But I would follow it with a hug and a big smile.

That's Stacy O's site!! She is TOO FUNNY! And also, quite a good knitter. OH, oh oh! And if you like funny knitting pics you also have to see stitchy mcyarnpants, who I think has the funniest knitting blog probably in the universe, the Museum of Kitschy Stitches makes me laugh so hard I could cry. In the good way! www.yarnpants.blogspot.com

Ha! I have that pattern saved on my computer for future reference, because when me and my friends get together we wear silly hats, and I will win the next silly hat gathering with that baby! Woot.