Better to be unique and special than to turn yourself into a Stepford wife. Where would it end? Liposuction, breast implants and a frontal lobotomy. And when Mr. X starts losing hair, gets a pouchy body and girlfriend leaves him for someone with a bigger penis and bank statement - the karma police will be applauding.

Congratulations on a new life! Good luck as a New Girl.

Hey. Sounds like you've had some rough times. Someday, not too many years down the road, you will be able to look at those 10 years of being married to him and see that a bunch of them were good years. God knows what happened to the last couple. But just because it didn't last until the day you died doesn't mean that marrying him was all a big mistake.

And I bet lots of people would like a nutty Southern girl with an affinity for beer in their office/bed/whatever. As long as you don't eat Cheetos off your chest in bed. The crumbs would be nasty.

Divorce is a roller coaster ride but in the end. You get off and realize it really wasn't so bad....life goes on.

P.S. Where did you learn to knit?

You have a wonderful family. You are a kind person. Mr. X is the loser. Years from now when you look back you will see it all and realize you are where you belong. Sometimes you just have to get through this stuff to get to the way it should be.

I am old fashioned gal from the south, altogether different south than yours - Chile - but carry with me all sorts of ideas about life, adulthood and marriage. Married at the ripe old age of 22 to an unstable, unsavory and unfaithful lout. Divorced at 29. Thought that that label would follow me everywhere. It didn't, and it won't for you either. Sounds like you have an awesome family, and great friends. Trust me, all they see is you.

If you lived in my neighborhood, I'd take you out for a beer, a bag of cheetos and a night of knitting! And if you want to eat those cheetos in bed I say go for it. Get those fingers all greasy and orange!

My husband and I are splitting at the moment after almost 5 years of marriage, I am looking for an apartment for myself. It is not as hard as it was for you, because it is a decision we have taken together.
But believe me: it makes me deeply sad. I was 35 as I married and should have known better.
Nothing is forever in this life!
Someone said:"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans". That's true... let's hope that even good things are going to happen.
Don't loose your courage. I don't know how old you are, but I suppose you are still quite young. You will need some time to find yourself again and to mend your heart - one day you will be ready for a person who loves and appreciates you. Good luck and hugs!

I got married when I was 19 to my high school sweetheart. (gag) Divorced when I was 21 so he could go fuck his secretary. I had to move out because I had no job and no money. I would get drunk and go knock on the door and cry and beg for him to dump her and take me back. Sheesh, I was a dumbass. Nowadays, he's still with HER, but he is bald and ugly. Yay!
Divorce totally sucks, makes you feel like worthless shit, but look on the bright side, you get to start your life all over. That was your practice run. Good luck, and "cheers."

i've got nothin' bad to say about drinking. go read "paradise" by AL Kennedy. great book. and surely that girl drinks more than you do. worry about her instead. :)

you have to get through this shite called life however you are able to. fuck anyone who says you're handling it wrong.

New Old Girl Laurie, I know where you're coming from. I just got divorced in December '04. It sucks. At first. And, being in THE SOUTH, I understand the Scarlet letter that is the "D." But once you cross over to the "D" side, you realize. HEY, THIS IS NOT SO BAD. I can do whatever the fuck I want. And it only gets better. I promise. Besides, you have four cats who love you and you can probably train them to scratch Mr. X's eyes out.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish. Have a brownie" That is a direct quote from an old southern lady named Vera I met when I lived in Virginia. Seems like she knew he was bad, was glad for me he was gone and felt a brownie would be celebratory of a new start. She was right: life is better now, I wouldn't go back for the world. I think you will do ok-you have a great attitude and friends, and free psychotherapy(your blog and us!!).

I have an uncontrollable urge to hug you.

Why do I have a feeling that the New Laurie would not be even half as good at entertaining millions of us with her wacky anecdotes? I love the Old Laurie! And I don't even know her! (I told M that you were my new bestest internet friend the other day and he was like "um, does she know that?")

Right now I am eating Cheetos off my chest with you in total solidarity. And I can dress Bailey up like a wicked fierce dinosaur and sic her on Asshat X any time you say the word.

Hey, comedy or no, the fact is that we're all here reading because in some way we care about you (strange to say about someone you've never ever met, eh?) and send our hugs your way.

I would really really like to hear that you got a wonderful divorce lawyer and she is watching out for you & the financial end of divorce. OK?

Crazy Darling Laurie!!! You are SOOOO much better off without that loser ex-husband of yours! You're young (I'm considerably older and wiser than you are and have been thru the big "D"). In California it's a badge of honor to be divorced...join the crowd and have another beer! Come on down to the Farmers Market (3rd & Fairfax) tonight...we'll treat you to a brew and free yarn!!!

Ellen B.

I left my first husband in April of 1990, came back home and filed for divorce. I was raised the same as you. You don't quit. But when there are 2 people involved in a situation, and 1 person no longer wants to be in that situation, what can the other do? I had to come to terms with that, and you wanna know what I discovered? I wasn't quitting the marriage, HE did that, but if I didn't continue on, walk that road of self-discovery, then I WOULD have been quitting. I'd have been quitting ME. My worst depression hit me on my birthday, about 3 weeks after the divorce was final. Didn't want to get out of bed. It was my dad that shook me out of it. He comes in, sits on the side of the bed and says "You know, I was born in 1926 and I'm 64. You were born in 1964 and you're 26." (Dang, I've got tears just remembering how I felt that day). Snapped me right out if it. Just drawing a simple parallel like my dad did, reaching out to me, letting me know that he wasn't going to let me quit me, was what it took to kick me in the ass and get it in gear. Only you can define you, and in the long run, you have to be happy with you, and if that means a goofy jack daniels drinking, (oh, yeah, and PC rocks!) dixie chick, then that's what it means. You just gotta accept yourself for who you are. We have.

Whatcha doing Saturday?

I know it's easy for me to call someone I don't know an asshole, and that he's someone you loved. But your X is a major asshole if he didn't even let you know those papers were coming so they wouldn't take you by surprise and upset you.

You don't have to be "divorced". You can be "single" (ie a whole instead of a half). And you won't be obligated to wash anyone's socks or make anyone pot roast.

I totally understand building up a whole life and idea of yourself in that life, and then have it all crashing down. In my case, it really was for the best, but at the time, I was so upset and pissed and oh so pissed, actually. And I was the one who broke up with the guy, after it became clear he had no intention of marrying me. So pissed. Which worked out well in the end, but still.

>> Life is short, but it is wide. <<

(((Applause!}}}

Three years ago, my two sisters and I finally managed to talk my mom into a divorce from my hellhole of an abuser father. It finally went through in January, and even though those three years were some of the most hellish legal battles I've ever seen, she's so happy now that it makes me weep. I hope that this divorce will means good things for you, too. I've just recently started reading your blog, but I'm totally hooked in. You are an amazing person!

I just found your blog a few days ago (yeah, I know, I live under a rock), but from what little I've seen, I have to say that you're one of the smartest, funniest people I've come across on the Internets, and Mr X is a moron. I like the "old" you, and raise a mug of JD and a bag of Cheetos in your general direction. I'm just not sure about the eating them off my chest part.

You sweet girl, it will all seem better with Patsy. If she can't do it try a little Loretta, two amazing SOUTHERN women.
I don't even know you and I can tell you are a better person than Mr. X. Stay tight to your family because they will get you through.

that dude is fucked in the head.really.You won't feel unhindged forever,but you do have to give it time..what a asshole.Don't ever blame yourself, you are crazy but a really great fantastic crazy.What a c*ck sucker,man how can you be together that long and then boom it's over? I see a mr.x hate day coming up,with t-shirts buttons and banners.

I'm so sorry. You are funny and smart and beautiful and you deserve better. I've been going through it too, and some suckier things have gone on (my mother said she wanted to stay "neutral" on the divorce, which was code for he's great and I'm f*ed up), and we have a kid, and he doesn't want me to put him in daycare but expects me to make X zillion dollars a year, and anyway I'm getting depressed again, BUT knitting helps. But damn this divorce stuff is hard.

Let's not label you "divorced."

If we must have a label, how about "dissolutioned." :)

Wow look at all the love and empathy in these comments! Perhaps we can all chip in and fly Claudia out there to be your divorce lawyer, cuz she is SUCH A BADASS. Barring that, Patsy Cline is a very good way to get through the day to day hurdles.

Let me tell you how many men are disappointed when they find out I'm from the south and *don't* have a southern accent. The boys think it's hot, yo. Be proud!

Girl you are way too good for that loser of a man! Good luck and I wish you the best!!!

Getting left sucks, but it's great that you're learning to be yourself again after trying to become who you think the world wants you to be--I'm still working on that one!

Your are clearly loved by friends and family, and you have talent to spare (can I have some?). Being a natural type A, if it's in your control failure is not an option. Just remember, you are a glamorous Divorcee, not a spinster.

Oh, honey! Need I repeat this one more time? You DO NOT need him! There will be real, true love out there, someone who will love you for all your great quirks and your amazing talent. Keep up your mature attitude and fiesty spirit, it's what WE all love you for.

you go, girl!

P.S. I would pay good money for an "I Hate Mr. X/I Love Aunt Purl" T'Shirt

You have no idea how many friends you have down south here in Richmond, Va. who read you every day. Your blog in our must do every morning and we're all pulling for you. You deserve much happiness and I'm sure it'll come your way when you least expect it. jane

I've been through one divorce and it was total HELL so I swore I'd never go through it again. Told current hubby that before we were married. I'd be a widow first and to watch his p's and q's.

After my divorce I said if I ever got married again it would be to a guy with one foot on the banana peel. UH my current hubby is 19 years older than I, and we've both never been happier and he's got a nice pension to boot, LOL.

You have a fabulous personality and with those family and friends of yours you'll come out on top. Without a doubt!

I was married at 18, divorced at 23. Recently, my ex came to my father's funeral. (Yes, he has no manners, no sense of dignity or propriety) I hadn't seen him in 15 years. And let me tell you one thing:

Damn, I dodged a HUGE bullet when I divorced him! Overweight, red-faced, balding, stammering and SHORT! (Ok - he was always short, but I just had to throw that in.)

You're SO much better off without your soon-to-be-ex - trust me. Console yourself with thoughts of how ugly he's going to be in 10 years or so. While you will be svelte, with many lovers (or a hunk of a hubbie if you prefer) and adorned in your unique hand-knits.

Gah - what a prick he is! You are going to be so much better off when you aren't yoked to his loser self any longer.

For what it's worth, I think the Old You, or the Old You plus the Knitting You, is funny and smart and cute as a bug. You're certainly entitled to Patsy AND Jack AND Cheetos, perhaps with a little side dish of chocolates. Hang in there.

** hugs **

Good divorce lawyer,get as much money out of him as you can and you'll be fine.
His loss.

i'm sending good thoughts to you. i know this is a pretty tough time for you at the moment. but you will get through it and come out the other end. you're such a wonderful loving person (even if you are vicous with a pen);-) you so deserve the very best in life.

i know how you feel about the marriage thing. i'm kinda an old fashioned girl myself and i didn't think i would even be single again at 35.... i just keep believing that (to sound really corny)...oneday my prince will come.

I was a 28 year old divorcee who drank nearly a bottle of wine a night with my 3 cats in a one room house… and with that stellar personal resume I was beating men off with a stick. Apparently there is shortage of witty attractive single and employed women out there. So when you are ready to jump into the big world of DATING remind yourself what a hot commodity you are. Men can tell and they love it. By the way, the drinking wanes off naturally as your heart heals.

I'm so sorry that you were surprised with this. Not a very cool thing for Mr. X to do. But my feeling is that you'll survive all of this. The best revenge is living well.

Some friends of ours had a band called "The Guthries" they wrote a song about Patsy, that I think may describe your relationship with her:

"Patsy Cline is the only one
who could ever understand...
...the way I feel tonight..."

If you want a copy of it, let me know. It's a great song.

And as for Mr. X, my mother always said "There is no accounting for taste." Apparently he had none, leaving you.

Welcome back, Old you! We're all happy to have you.

I know that feeling. I was the one who filed for divorce in my case, and I *still* felt like I was living in some alternate reality for a long time afterwards. It passes. :)

And? How loved are you, judging by these comments! Girl, you got a global posse of friends and support. We'll even pour the Jack for ya.

having been almost exactly in your shoes, i just kept hearing that stupid thing monica told rachel on the first episode of friends (oh yes i did just pull a friends quote, whatever not the point):

"welcome to the real world. it sucks. you're gonna love it."

not that marriage and all that wasn't the real world also, but this is a way realer version of it. and it sucks. and when you get to the other side, you're gonna love it.

in the meantime, here's some wine...

Know the best part of being divorced? It's not so much that you know what you WANT next time around, but that you know what you DONT want.

Laurie, take this from a complete stranger, who is totally impartial. You are smart, quick-witted, funny, and have a great sense of self. These are qualities that you don't learn, they are YOU.

It's a new turn on this "merry go round that we call life" (little JoDee lyrics in there). Go enjoy the ride!!

You are so much better than he can ever hope to be. Look at how much love and support you are getting from people that don't even truly know you. Hang in there. *hugs*

Me.......taking my hat off to you! If cheetos get you through then by g-d go ahead and kick some serious ass living life with your ornage stained finger tips.

A friend had "WWA" on her vanity Licence plates. I asked what it was all about she said-"Do you know what the technical term for a woman who does not have a rectum is"? (NO) It is "divorced". (I said, hunh- I still don't get it)(because I can be really really thick) Then she said-"WWA is Woman Without Asshole- I like people to know I am available!!!!!!"(and then I laughed my head off!!!!!) So enjoy your WWA-hood! (with gusto!)

Dust off the fake cheese, turn off the Patsy and lay off the Beam. You have so many things going for you that you have no need sulk. Grab the day by the horns (or by the balls) and move forward.

Look how many people you have attracted to your blog. And you've won over so many people that over 50 people wrote in to give you encouragement.

I'm in the process of finalizing my own divorce. Same gig. Married my college sweetheart and never realized how miserable I was until I realized how happy I was without him. However, I as you did, that I was somehow brandished in some sort of Hester Pryne way with a scarlet D, that I have somehow failed. Let it all go, neither your family, your friends nor whatever man is in your future are not going to care. This does not dimish your self-worth in any way. They all see you for who you are, a very clever, resourceful and witty individual.

By all means grieve, but know that it won't last forever.

Another divorcee here -- this time in your life truly sucks, but you WILL get over it, and wonder "What the hell was I thinking?" when you see him. Hugs honey, and be nice to yourself, whether it takes Jack or Cheetos or chocolate.

i barely know you, and i adore you and your family for supporting you, and i'd listen to you cry at midnight, too.

Jack and Cheetos, as much as you need, even dunking the Cheestos in the Jack if you need. Hang in there. You will survive. You have to--your readers need you!!!

I've only been reading your blog for the last couple of weeks, but I really like you! You sound like the kind of person I would love to hang around with. I can't say I'm with you on the Jack Daniels thing (re: unfortunate incident involving Jack Daniels and my first legal drinking age outing. I don't remember much about it. Fortunately.), but the Cheetos? Oh yeah! *HUGE virtual hug* Hang in there baby!

He is going to be sooo jealous when you become "famous" writing books (about knitting, blogging and cats) and guesting on talk shows. Remember what goes around comes around but by then you don't care you'll be on to better things. I just know you'll meet someone probably a whole lot better because face it your a catch. Still love your blog--sad or funny!!

you have NO IDEA how great your life is going to be. Just you wait.

Just remember - it's all about KARMA! Who was that who stood up on the not burning bus and yelled at everyone for treating the bus driver like shit - on her first day no less? And who was it that served you today?

KARMA. You've got it in spades.

hey girlie, i'm sorry you are feeling sad right now. but it will get better. you've got a good family, a granny that rocks the house, good friends(who eat your green bean casserole), awesome kitties who will always love you, and all of us who think you're totally cool (even if you are from the south, sorry i'm a northeastern snob ;)).

feel better. eat cheetos. (i love cheetos).

It's amazing to see how you've impacted the Internets community here. If Mr. X is not intelligent to realize that he is the one missing out, then it's his loss. You have created a following, and although you can't see us or spend a crazy Saturday night out with us, we all obviously want to show you our support. So I propose...

This Saturday night, 4/23/05 be three cheers for Aunt Purl night. Be you at home or out among friends I say we all raise a glass of Jack (he's a dear man) or a bag of Cheetos to Aunt Purl. Everyone give her a thought and three cheers.

Now I also propose that the knitting community come together and create the "Down with Mr. X" Knit-a-long! Come on ladies(and gentlemen) everyone join together and knit something to show our support for Aunt Purl. ((You can link to the Down with Mr. X KAL button here - http://photos8.flickr.com/10334692_18e61f7e56_m.jpg))
It's nothing fancy!

:Hugs to Laurie:

Aunt Purl just look at the love and support you've gathered here. Remember what another strong southern gal once said, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"

A little token~
http://www.airbrushmuseum.com/aauntpurl.htm

Adding my name to the list of Aunt Purl supporters! I know that it feels as though you've been punched in the stomach right now, but you have a lot going for you, as well as a strongly supportive family and a lot of friends, as well as total strangers, who think that you are smart, funny, and worthy of the love and support that you are gathering around you.

Buck up buckaroo. I wish you weren't in pain but it will pass. Mr X and the D word maybe playing with your mind now. (He didn't let you know the papers were coming? What a jerk!)

All we see is beautiful, strong, kind, smart, witty, and courageous woman with cheeto fingers....

*hugs* from here, too. I was dumped (for my so-called 'best friend") after 15 years of marriage. Then I figured out how to be ME (it took 10 years... although, to be fair, I was raising 2 kids then) and when I figured it out (well, nearly!) AND wanted to love and be loved, a new guy showed up. It is amazing how much smarter I am after some time alone, lots of therapy, and comforter-of-choice. I prefer gourmet chocolate chip cookes (and Phoebe Snow), but will give Cline and Cheetos a chance next time I feel blue.)

Marshall your supporters. I believe we are legion!

The day I got that paper in the mail, my soon-to-be ex called me and said "Wow. It's SAD, huh?" And for the first time I wanted him dead. It was all his doing, his wishes and there I was feeling like someone had pulled the stopper out of the bathtub of my life and he had the balls to call me and say that. I just want you to know that I know exactly what you mean by every word, right down to being southern like you. I'm so sorry, but trust me it does get easier.

And thank you. Now I'm not the only one who wrote about drinking alcohol from a coffee mug today.

Laurie
you aren't a failure. *You* didn't quit. *You* didn't walk out. You invested your whole self, but he obviously didn't. Hang in there chicky-babe.
I'll call you a quitter only if you disappear into a little hole and we never see you again.
These tough times will get better.

Welcome back *Real* You! I like what I read :-) I just wish I could do something to ease your pain.

I was raised with the Southern view of marriage and family myself. That got me married at the ripe old age of 19 to a guy I didn't really love. 4 years later... I think you know where we're heading with this. It's not the same as your situation, since it was my choice, but at least your family supports you in this. My father's exact words were, "You just need to suck it up and be a good wife." Whatever happened to, "We just want you to be happy"?? You see now where I got the idea that I needed to get married and take care of someone else. Anyway, I've gotten over that need, and I even got remarried to someone who doesn't want/need to be taken care of. Highly preferable.

My one bit of advice: tell people you're divorced as often as you can. Don't throw it unnecessarily into conversation, but don't hide it. I find myself mentioning things about my ex even to the family and friends of my husband. They are sometimes a bit surprised at first, but they get over it, and I've found that it takes the shame out of the D word for me. You don't need to feel guilty about the mistakes you or Mr. X have made in your life. The emotional pain of getting over this thing may be harder, but what are the statistics now? Something like 60% of marriages end in divorce. So, you're not at all alone in this. Nothing to be ashamed of.

you're making it through, you're doing fine. Of course a divorce is gonna be painful as hell, such a big disappointment, readjusting dreams and visions of the future etc. but it won't always hurt.

Laurie, you remind me so much of a friend from college, and it makes me even more sad for you than before! But when I read your blog, I see a great, hilarious person peeking through from behind the sad one, and I know that you'll be fine. It may take a long time, and you may have to eat some Cheetos along the way (my depressed food is Guacamole Doritos, mmm and eww all at once!), and drink some fire water. Hey, have you tried drowning your sorrows in teenage melodramas? I like the OC season on on DVD and also Dawson's Creek. Seriously, it lets you be emotional for someone else's sake, and forget about how nasty you feel.

I don't know about divorce, but I do know that a Southern accent is considered charming. The Beach Boys said it: "And those Southern girls, with the way they talk..." The Boys were wishing, as you may recall, they "they all could be California girls." So you now are a California girl with "the way they talk" going for you. Go get 'em.

It's only a label if you make it one. Remember that.

You sound SO healthy! You're going to make it and you'll do it well, that's obvious. Good luck with everything!

Well what can I say that hasn't already been said a million ways? When I divorced a few years back, my best friend of 20 years told me something I will never forget. She said she was happy to see the old me back again - that somewhere in being married I had lost who and what I was about, and that now she was glad to have the old me again. I've never forgotten those words. I have remarried again (wow, this one is SUCH a keeper!), but I always keep in the front of my mind to not change who I am and not apologize for what I think. Sometimes I get caught up in wishing I had married this guy when we were younger. Wise man that he is, when I say that, he says - we are now a product of our lives so far - we understand more and love more. I'll be thinking of you. It will get better, I promise.

"To Bridget, whom we love, just as you are...."

W. :)

I have never read your post before, but I just wanted to say I hope everything works out and that you find peace in your family and knitting... Thank God we have knitting.... I don't know what I would do with myself in stressful situations :)

I love to lurk and read your blog. Had to comment today. WE (all of us) hear ya and we are here FOR ya. Especially on the crappy, not funny haha days. Where are my cheetos?

That really sucks about the divorce papers.

I had a similar thing happen. My ex and I were separated for over a year and agreed to divorce. It was all very amicable at that point. Or so I thought until he had me served at my office by some guy with a badge and a gun on my freakin' birthday! I had already told ex that all he had to do is mail me the papers and I would sign them. What an azzhat he was. And probably still is.

Oh Laurie! I feel your pain. I too was married before (and divorced! the big D!) and I remember when I told my parents about getting the marriage "dissolved" (don't you love wacky California terms?) my mom asked "What am I going to tell our relatives in Japan?" Stomach... hitting... ground... That was probably the lowest of the low points. But then my dad turned around and said, "That's ok! I love you! Come home and live here!" Anyways, the point of the story is that life does move on. The beginning was the worst, I did lots of stuff with friends, I became an alcoholic (hmmm, sound familiar?), then I figured out who I was (I did it with lots and lots of therapy), then, out of the blue, I met someone wonderful who didn't care that I was divorced and the pain is just a distant memory (although I did tear up reading your post). Good luck to you! We are all here for you!

I just found your blog and you inspired me to put my cat on Catster.

http://www.catster.com/?141644

I haven't figured out how to make friends there yet but when I do I want to add your kitties!

I got a divorce a long time ago (after only 1.5 yrs of marriage). I can relate to a lot of stuff you've said here about figuring yourself out afterward...except I was the one that served the papers. I wish you all the best.

Look how many people responded to the post. Lots of us have been there. You are going to be fine. Keep the accent, keep you. You might wanna try Pringles but other than that the beer and all is the right path!

Mr. X ain't getting a handbasket for his journey. You are still an achiever and you didn't fail at anything, he did. He has no balls, no pride and is just plain'ole mean for not being able to tell you he filed for the divorce.

I think I'll knit something really special for the Down With Mr. X Knit-along. Does anyone have a pattern for a brain? Sounds like he could use one.

you're inspiring, thanks for being brave enough to share your life with such honesty and humor. Trust me, everything really does work out for the best.

Reading all of those comments made me cry, and I'm not even You. I hope that you have people who live near you who are as wonderful as the people out here on Teh Internets. One piece of advice - if you like Ani Difranco at all, you might want to avoid listening to the last 3 or 4 albums. Hard stuff, that. I about ruined my marriage 2 years ago. Thanks be to the gods of yarn, therapists, and friends that I pulled my head out of my ass. You are wonderful - just from what I've read, all the way in Florida. And if you ever come to TN (I'm moving next Saturday! Woot!) you'd be more than welcome to stay. We could even drive to Kentucky to go to the destilleries.

I know you have a million comments here about how to handle this and how you will make it through but I just wanted to add my own two cents to the pile *smile*

I was married at 24 and divorced at 25. My ex left me with a new baby, no car (he had lied about something on the credit application for the car and then didn't make any payments even though I was giving him half the money so the car was repo'd) and boxes of stuff in my apt. cuz we had just moved to a new apartment when I found out that he had stolen my check book and forged $20,000 worth of checks. So trust me, IT COULD BE A LOT WORSE! LOL!

Well many moons later I have completed my bachelors degree, my DD will be starting kindergarten in the fall, I've met a wonderful new guy and we will probably get married and best of all, haven't heard from my Mr. X in almost two years (this is after he took me to court for full custody of our daughter where I found out that his unemployed ass had told social services that I had abandoned them both and he was in the meantime receiveing cash aid for a child he wasn't even paying child support for).

At the time I thought I would just die, I thought I would never be happy again and that I could never trust another man, but I was wrong. Through the grace of God and the love of my family and friends (one who came to my apt., after I had been living out of boxes for a month, and unpacked all my stuff for me) I have indeed moved on. So, I share my story with you because I want you to know this is not the end of the world, just the end of what turned out to be a bad relationship. I will keep you in my prayers and I encourage you to keep your head up, keep eating those finger staining cheetos, and do please train the cats to scratch out Mr. X's eyes... Do it for me *smile*

Honey, I'm here to tell you that there IS life after divorce. Everything everyone has said is true. You are better off without the SOB. Won't bore you with my divorce story, but it was the best thing I've ever done (well aside from my 2 DDs). After the bonding with Jose (Cuervo) for a loooong time, and realizing I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and I really could take care of myself and my kids, watch out world. Remember to take care of YOU. It's his loss.
PS: I also live in the San Fernando Valley!!!

Hey there, missed your blog the last couple of days. Wish I hadn't, cuz I would have liked to have been able to get in on this earlier. I am on the other end of this divorce thing. We separated almost 4 years ago, have been divorced for about 2. I am a native Californian and I still never thought I would be divorced. I still think of the day I received that dissolution paperwork as one of the worst of my life. And I was expecting it. I stood at the fax machine in my office and sobbed as I faxed the response back. I want to lend you a book that has helped me immensely. It is called Rebuilding, and it was the only thing that made me feel sane some days. And now, four years later I can see that I have really made some strides. Anyway, you do whatever you have to to get through these horrible moments, and know that it will get better and that there are a bunch of us out here thinking about you (and knitting stuff in really yucky acrylic yarn for the Down With Mr. X knitalong). I live in Pasadena. E-mail me and I will get you that book.

Been there, done that and have the war wounds...BUT...it DOES get better! For me it was cheetos and chocolate. You still have some sucky times ahead (opposing divorce lawyers are no picnic), but soon the clouds will begin to lift and the world will start looking brighter. Eventually when you are ready, you will find someone who will delight in eating cheetos off your chest.

Most of all your sense of humor is going to carry you through. Some days there will be nothing funny, but with some perspective down the road you will put a funny spin on even the worst of days. Then you are going to write a best seller that is gonna earn you so much dough and fame that Mr. X will go around with his shorts permanently in a bind. Wahooooooooo!

You are SSOOO funny, smart and cute. Your X is a BIG loser!! Seems to me that there are some great fish taco places on the beaches out there with lots of people to meet and guys to watch on blades. If I lived within 100 miles, we'd be going!!!

I have my own sailboat and I'm thinking you should sign up for a sailing class right away. I know you're not big on boats, but just think of the fun people/guys you'll meet in tight white shorts. Sailing, that's the ticket. The community college usually has classes for almost free!!

Hugs and more hugs.

First off, just found your blog and if you'll accept the well wishes of a total stranger, they're yours.

Second of all, gotta apologize. Back in the day, my grandfather was in the study that delineated Type A and Type B personalities, and he's basically the case study for the Type As. As we all know, 'cause, well, he bred a boatload of Type A personalities.

Third of all, what is all this about 'losing your accent'? As a fourth-generation Californian from Green Valley (population: 30 of my cousins and some chickens), I am tickled pink people confuse me for a Southerner when I talk like we do back home. That's what happens when a bunch of Italians marry people chased out by the TVA, we go get our sangwiches from the frageator and get marked down on spelling tests for writing 'y'all'.

'Sides, people out here what aren't from here think it's sexy. They're plumb loco, but whatever.

LOL! In years to come, when you're far better off, trust me, you won't care *how* you got the papers.
My ex wanted a divorce, but didn't want to pay for it. I had the kid, the bills, everything, and he wanted me to pay for the divorce. I told him I couldn't afford it, and I had no need to get divorced in a hurry, it could wait. He was furious. Turned out he wanted to marry his girlfriend. (Yeah, and I would pay for the divorce so *he* could remarry!). Finally, I think the new girlfriend paid for the divorce, LOL!
Anyway, the papers showed up on December 23, I had no idea, because I thought there would be no divorce if I didn't pay for it. On Christmas morning, he shows up with new fiancee in tow to take my daughter for christmas lunch, and first thing out of his mouth was "Didya get the papers?".
Yeah, Merry Christmas, jerk! Actually, it was the best gift I ever got. :)

I just wanted to chime in with my good wishes. Also, you wrote "I was most afraid of the label. DIVORCED. "Well, you know, she's divorced." The Scarlet letter "D" of failure." I've never been divorced, so maybe my opinion is useless, but I never look at it that way. I've always looked at it as a badge of "Been there, done that. NEXT!"

You need to settle in and watch the Little Mermaid. If you can overlook the stupid love story aspect (she's just using that guy for legs, anyway. You know the first thing she's going to do is buy some boots that are made for walkin' and walk right out the door), it's one of those movies that always picks me up. "A whole new world", babydoll.

Hang in there. There is a bright side waiting to happen.

Late to the party as usual...but just wanted to say that this entry was so well written, so heartfelt...it spoke to me.

I'm separated from my husband of 27 years, who decided he'd made a mistake all those years ago(big surprise to me)and everything you wrote is exactly how I've been feeling.

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this pain, but everyone is right, it will get better, and you will do more than survive, you will thrive.

Thank you for your honesty and openess...I'll check back in with you to see how you're doing...and to get encouragement. I think you're wonderful.

Wish we could go out for a drink, but just know that you have my support...

wow this entry has a lot of comments! Anways, Well written! Good for you, be you and no one else!

You = adorable. Mr. X = crazy for leaving you and without your health insurance coverage he will have to buy Rogaine on the Internet. Let's hope he gets a bad batch.

"apparently I aint the only cat on the block digs cheetos..."

seriously, anyone who would fault you for being divorced is a nimrod... I remember being 8 years old and seeing my mother come home to her own asshat to face the whole "why isn't dinner on the table... bring me a beer..." after working an 8 hour day in a warehouse. We'd pack up the car to head to my grandmothers house, and idiot would stand behind the car like she wouldn't hit him with it... he learned to get out of the way quick enough. When she divorced him, it taught me that vows are fine and good, but when the relationship becomes abusive or toxic, vows or no vows, it's time to leave. But abuse or no, divorce is not always a bad thing... and cheers to embracing the old you, she sounds much more like someone I'd want to party with ;)

Ok, so I have been gone for a week or so and am just catching up on blogs. I personally think your divorce papers have a more active life than I do and so I need to get out more! Thanks for adding the humor, as much for you as for the rest of us. I am totally thinking of you and can tell that you have enough support to get through ten times what you are going through now. I'll keep checking in. Have a decent weekend!

You are an amazing woman. A friend of mine got me turned on to your blog a couple weeks ago... and I'm just now checking back in. I love your sense of humor, your "Take me as I am, 'cause I'm fabulous and screw you if you don't realize it" attitude. Reading this post, I just ache for you and the pain you're going through. I know you'll come through this just fine - you seem to have a fabulous support system - and eating Cheetos off one's chest is a perfectly fine coping mechanism in my mind! :-) Best of everything to you!! Stay strong. Knit like a fiend. and Love those kitties!

Shalom.

Do you have a brother? Cause if he's as adorable and smart and sweet and funny as you I'm going to stalk him and force him to marry me. If I were a lesbian you're the first person I'd stalk.

Mr. X is a fool and like all foolmen, he will realize it in the worst (well, best for revenge-fantasy purposes) way and hurt and ache and beat himself about the head and shoulders for being such a hapless idiot.

Be your wonderful self and keep your head up. On days when you can't, I have a whole cupboard full of coffee cups with Jack in them. (wow, that sounds bad :P )