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April 28, 2005
I blame the TALKING on the COFFEE.
My today, with so much EMPHASIS because I've had so much COFFEE:
So far, and it is only noon thirty, I've had meeting after meeting, plus a pre-meeting to get a status before the project meeting, then a post-meeting wrap-up meeting, interspersed with the phone calls, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CALLING ME have you not heard of email? Email is great! I can delete it much faster!
Then vendor visits, budgets (and I SUCK at Excel and The Math and twice my boss has called me to inquire, gently, "ARE YOU HIGH? Where on God's GREEN EARTH did you come up with these RETARDED numbers?"), some frantic research on my part, more budget revisions ... art costs money, people! And then someone in a cube near me FARTED and all I could say to my officemate was a very mature, very grown up, "The smeller is the feller, ya'll!!"
So, that’s my today. Let’s move to a better topic, like lunch. Or the more fun topic of tonight.
Tonight I had every intention of showing up unannounced at the West Hollywood Stitch n' Bitch because a very cool lady wrote me a very nice email (which I loved) and invited me to come meet the WeHo girls. (WeHo! heh heh)
And I really want to go and meet these West Hollywood knitters, and also see if they knit in some crazy westsiiiide knitting that us Valley peeps don't have, yo yo (insert a mental image of me throwing gang signs here). But, and I know you'd never suspect this from the voodoo and the chicken hats and the boo-hoo-hooing I do on this website, but I'm kind of awkward in social situations. (Nooooo! You think?) And I get nervous meeting people. Also, maybe a little sweaty. And then the talking starts. And boy, CAN I TALK.
Instead of embarrassing myself in such a way, with all the TALKING, I came up with a plan. My plan was rather BRILLIANT, or so I thought, and my brilliant plan was full of RECON and SPYING and also, in case I made an ass of myself, promised ANONYMITY. I had planned to just show up at random (Oh! Look, people are knitting here! That's so coincidental! I knit, too! And I have my entire knitting bag right here, isn't that a coinkydink?) and hang out at the WeHo Stitch n' Bitch and say my name was ... um, I don't know... Raurie. Maybe.
(I'm still working on the name.)
ANYWAY. As I was undercover stitching, I'd discern if they could spot the blogstalker in their midst. And also because I'm kind of a DORK in real life, and if I annoyed everyone, what with my knitting-out-loud technique, and the TALKING, they'd just say, "Who was that Raurie girl? She was so annoying!" and I would be totally ANONYMOUS and well, maybe DORKY, but not as embarrassed if they all said, "That Aunt Purl will NOT SHUT UP."
And many jokes about Shut Up candles would ensue.
But then my whole plan was foiled because tonight my amazing and talented friend Shannon is going to be starring -- STARRING -- in a play and I'm going to cheer her on. (Oh, do you cheer at plays? And do they sell popcorn?) I haven't been to a play in a hundred years, not since the bad Shakespeare experience I had in 11th grade. JULIET SHOULD NEVER CHEW GUM. That's all I have to say about that.
So, no undercover stitching this week. I'll be whooping it up in the audience for Shannon. But I will probably, most likely, NOT BE anywhere near West Hollywood next Thursday night at 7:30. Nope. NO WAY. Raurie? Now she's a different story. She is definitely planning on going to the Farmer's Market and maybe, you know, wow! Look, those people are knitting! And what a coinkydink! I knit, too!
I think my plan is also BRILLIANT because I look nothing like the pictures of me on this site. The cute ones are pics from last year, before I started stress eating like I was in the Stress Eating Olympics. And gained a bazillion pounds. The recent pictures? I PhotoShop myself to look 10 pounds lighter. No, really, I do. (Look, if you're going to be an artist, you might as well get some happiness from it!)
So, they would never recognize me anyway. Because this is what I really look like:
Posted by laurie at April 28, 2005 12:24 PM
Comments
I can't believe the pic you chose to photoshop yourself onto. Where did you even FIND that thing? Freakin' hilarious.
Posted by: jennifer, i mean, rennifer at April 28, 2005 12:49 PM
Well, you could tuck a Shut Up Now candle into Raurie's knitting bag, then if the need hits, light up and hope no one notices in Weho! You write the most creative, hilarious and amazingly entertaining blog. Crazy Aunt Purl rocks!
Posted by: Pamela at April 28, 2005 12:59 PM
I love how she complains that she is sooo busy today, yet she still has time to Blog, Comment, and Photoshop Pics of herself.
I LOve that pi. Can you get it on your Driver's License?
Posted by: Crystal at April 28, 2005 01:01 PM
Yes, I agree, GREAT picture. Now if we can just find a pic of a naked man with a small vienna sausage and photoshop Mr. X's face on it! Wait, do you just have a picture of HIM naked? That oughta do.
Posted by: Amanda at April 28, 2005 01:03 PM
My typing sucks more than usual today. Last line was supposed to read:
I Love that pic. Can you get it on your Driver's License?
Posted by: Crystal at April 28, 2005 01:04 PM
always a laugh over here,never fails lol.I tell you what,if you ever want to quit your job all us knitting bloggers can hire you to do their photo shop pictures heh.jeez raurie how did you get your body in such good shape? lol
p.s when you do go see the nice knitting group sneak a pic in there for me ok?
p.s.s many thanks for the button!
Posted by: cara at April 28, 2005 01:11 PM
You are fantastic!!! Terrific post!
Posted by: P-la at April 28, 2005 01:11 PM
Wow, Rauren has that same car!
Posted by: Lauren at April 28, 2005 01:15 PM
Heh Heh....Raurie needs to take some time in the OC I'm thinking.....because that's where Maura and Lichelle are
Posted by: La at April 28, 2005 01:15 PM
Nice junk in the trunk! ;)
You never fail to crack me up.
Posted by: Madalyn at April 28, 2005 01:26 PM
Your head looks a little, um, big for your body, kind of like Vanna White. Have you ever considered a career in television?
Posted by: jodi at April 28, 2005 01:40 PM
The only thing you need in the photo is the oversize wrench that you can hold.
Posted by: Jacqueline at April 28, 2005 01:42 PM
Well, you know jodi... the big, white, and also BIG head is to hold my big brains. Yup.
Also because I am so busy and beleaguered and trampled by corporate America I simply have no time (NO TIME!) for perfect photoshopping today and also, Crystal, I have no time for commenting. Or blog writing. Obviously!
I want to hide under my desk.
Plus, the mystery farter in my office needs to STOP IT already! I'm getting poisoned by the fumes.
Posted by: laurie at April 28, 2005 01:45 PM
Why don't you blame the poor air quality and go home "sick"? Hint at sick building syndrome and they won't stop you from heading out early.
Have you ever noticed that, how tv stars' heads are always too big for their bodies?
Posted by: jodi at April 28, 2005 01:48 PM
Oh man! Once I saw James Spader in Blockbuster -- no, really, he was in line in front of me at the Studio City Blockbuster -- and 1) he was SO SHORT! even shorter than me, which is hard and 2) his head! so BIG!
It was kind of a letdown because I loved to hate me some James Spader, remember in Pretty in Pink? Him with the sunglasses and the smoldering longing for Andie?
Posted by: laurie at April 28, 2005 01:51 PM
Yes, hi! I'm just over here having a conversation in my OWN BLOG! Because I'm so busy at work!
Posted by: laurie at April 28, 2005 01:57 PM
Is that knitting in the trunk/boot of that car? I can't see any knitting. or any cats.
Heh. You sound like someone I know (like about most of my "social" group and me), and the mystery farter probably smells like someone I know.... ;-)
(It is quite hard to type in the dark)
Posted by: Lynne S of Oz at April 28, 2005 02:00 PM
Since you are the most popular and most famous knitter in California right now, I doubt you could go anywhere without someone recognizing you!!!!
Posted by: ~drew emborsky~ at April 28, 2005 02:18 PM
Laurie!!!! Even if you donned a black wig and painted your face with green make-up we'd recognize you at the Farmers Market!!! If you need to feel anonymous, go ahead, we'll call you whatever name you want. The WeHo SnB is not exclusive, we like everyone who carries yarn with them! Have fun at the play tonight, and we'd be honored to have you join us next week....Upstairs dining area, 7-9:30, 3rd and Fairfax!!!
Ellen B.
Posted by: L.A. Ell at April 28, 2005 02:19 PM
you are too too much. hee hee.
Posted by: rachel m at April 28, 2005 02:51 PM
Funny! I am actually working "from home" right now, which really means that I'm knitting in front of the computer... a cute little baby sweater for my future neice/nephew! Great blog, I put a link to it in my "favorites" list, hope you don't mind!
Posted by: callie at April 28, 2005 03:36 PM
I stalked a local Stitch n Bitch months before I got up the courage to join them in knitting! I'm a bit awkward & shy at first, then once I feel comfortable, you can't shut me up..
I 'just happened' to be in Borders the night that they usually gather and I told Matt I wanted to wander by the cafe so I could scope out the knitters. Hehe. I was a bit disappointed because there weren't very many of them and I didn't go back to see them for 4 months but I'm so glad I went even if it was scary showing up to a bunch of strangers knitting in public and saying "Hi, I'm Jill!"
On a weird side note, my hubby claims I am famous because someone I had never met before in real life recognized me because she read my blog.
Posted by: jillz at April 28, 2005 04:34 PM
I'm so the same way. Meeting new people freaks me out. It always turns out well, but I'm really shy. I think I'm gonna crash a knit group this Sat. Have fun tonight and good luck next week. :)
Posted by: Vicki at April 28, 2005 05:16 PM
Hi, I'm new. One of the Knittyheads posted a link to your blog, and now a bunch of us are reading it. We think you are a wonderful, fabulous, and hilarious person! I'm just saying . . .
I wouldn't worry about the SnB. Just go as you are--you're famous! Famous people can do anything and get away with everything--even a lot of talking. You'll be loved no matter what.
Blessings!
Posted by: Bina at April 28, 2005 06:20 PM
You won't get away being incognito. They will Know and you will be Talked About for trying.
Sounds like your office could use a Stop Farting candle. Oh wait, that could be a hazardous.
Posted by: levis_mama at April 28, 2005 06:56 PM
We'd sure love you at ours!!!
Posted by: Cheryl at April 28, 2005 07:28 PM
Show up wearing the outfit in that photo, and you'll get the attention of more than the Stich n Bitch crowd. Even with the paler largish head.
Posted by: ShelbyD at April 28, 2005 08:04 PM
I love your blog Laurie. And I can completely relate to your shyness. I read you every day and I would stalk you, really I would, but I'm in Kansas. Really. It's not so bad as you would think. Well, sometimes it is, like at election time when all the inbred right-wingers come out, but most of the time it's not too bad. Anyway, your blog makes me both laugh and cry. Thanks for sharing yourself with us (would-be stalkers if we weren't so far away . . . in the middle of nowhere, where it's really flat. . . )
bb
Posted by: Beth at April 28, 2005 08:46 PM
come to san diego - we knit the 1st and 3rd sunday of each month at a BAR - woot!! really - see:
http://whistlestopbar.com/
Posted by: Inky at April 28, 2005 08:48 PM
Cool Chevy! Jou knit da bakini jourself? Da license plate-what it says? Looks like "RUGBURNS?" Jou can come an sit 'n' knit wit us anytime here at da "Pacoima Purlers," jou know. Stay cool...
Posted by: Bob Merlin at April 28, 2005 10:09 PM
Aunt Purl is a babe :) Have fun at the show. I can't wait to hear about Raurie's adventures at the WeHo!
Posted by: Alana at April 29, 2005 06:30 AM
Hey! You're not the only one with SnB stalking intentions! I totally planned to do that to the Halifax Knitting Meet Up. My biggest fear? That I wouldn't fit in. Stupid, eh? They have yarn and needles. How could I not fit in? Uh, probably the same reason you were worried: The talking. See, they meet in a coffee shop. When I drink coffee, my mouth shifts into overdrive.
Cubicles suck. It's very inconsiderate to fart in a cubicle setting. I have an office now, so if I have to fart, I shut the door. Not that I EVER fart. Puhleeze.
Posted by: Steph at April 29, 2005 07:07 AM
Personally I'd go with the name Anastasia has that foreign ring to it, so you could be all the more mysterious
Posted by: Rebekah at April 29, 2005 07:56 AM
One question: does your coffee pimp ship to Canada?
Posted by: kelly at April 29, 2005 08:24 AM
Love your blog. It's hilarious. Where in the Valley do you live? I live in Studio City.
Posted by: Joy at April 29, 2005 06:13 PM
My officemate thinks I'm having convulsions over here on my side of the half-wall because I'm choking down my laughter. You rock!
Posted by: Kim at May 3, 2005 03:59 PM
