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April 28, 2005

I blame the TALKING on the COFFEE.

My today, with so much EMPHASIS because I've had so much COFFEE:

So far, and it is only noon thirty, I've had meeting after meeting, plus a pre-meeting to get a status before the project meeting, then a post-meeting wrap-up meeting, interspersed with the phone calls, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP CALLING ME have you not heard of email? Email is great! I can delete it much faster!

Then vendor visits, budgets (and I SUCK at Excel and The Math and twice my boss has called me to inquire, gently, "ARE YOU HIGH? Where on God's GREEN EARTH did you come up with these RETARDED numbers?"), some frantic research on my part, more budget revisions ... art costs money, people! And then someone in a cube near me FARTED and all I could say to my officemate was a very mature, very grown up, "The smeller is the feller, ya'll!!"

So, that’s my today. Let’s move to a better topic, like lunch. Or the more fun topic of tonight.

Tonight I had every intention of showing up unannounced at the West Hollywood Stitch n' Bitch because a very cool lady wrote me a very nice email (which I loved) and invited me to come meet the WeHo girls. (WeHo! heh heh)

And I really want to go and meet these West Hollywood knitters, and also see if they knit in some crazy westsiiiide knitting that us Valley peeps don't have, yo yo (insert a mental image of me throwing gang signs here). But, and I know you'd never suspect this from the voodoo and the chicken hats and the boo-hoo-hooing I do on this website, but I'm kind of awkward in social situations. (Nooooo! You think?) And I get nervous meeting people. Also, maybe a little sweaty. And then the talking starts. And boy, CAN I TALK.

Instead of embarrassing myself in such a way, with all the TALKING, I came up with a plan. My plan was rather BRILLIANT, or so I thought, and my brilliant plan was full of RECON and SPYING and also, in case I made an ass of myself, promised ANONYMITY. I had planned to just show up at random (Oh! Look, people are knitting here! That's so coincidental! I knit, too! And I have my entire knitting bag right here, isn't that a coinkydink?) and hang out at the WeHo Stitch n' Bitch and say my name was ... um, I don't know... Raurie. Maybe.

(I'm still working on the name.)

ANYWAY. As I was undercover stitching, I'd discern if they could spot the blogstalker in their midst. And also because I'm kind of a DORK in real life, and if I annoyed everyone, what with my knitting-out-loud technique, and the TALKING, they'd just say, "Who was that Raurie girl? She was so annoying!" and I would be totally ANONYMOUS and well, maybe DORKY, but not as embarrassed if they all said, "That Aunt Purl will NOT SHUT UP."

And many jokes about Shut Up candles would ensue.

But then my whole plan was foiled because tonight my amazing and talented friend Shannon is going to be starring -- STARRING -- in a play and I'm going to cheer her on. (Oh, do you cheer at plays? And do they sell popcorn?) I haven't been to a play in a hundred years, not since the bad Shakespeare experience I had in 11th grade. JULIET SHOULD NEVER CHEW GUM. That's all I have to say about that.

So, no undercover stitching this week. I'll be whooping it up in the audience for Shannon. But I will probably, most likely, NOT BE anywhere near West Hollywood next Thursday night at 7:30. Nope. NO WAY. Raurie? Now she's a different story. She is definitely planning on going to the Farmer's Market and maybe, you know, wow! Look, those people are knitting! And what a coinkydink! I knit, too!

I think my plan is also BRILLIANT because I look nothing like the pictures of me on this site. The cute ones are pics from last year, before I started stress eating like I was in the Stress Eating Olympics. And gained a bazillion pounds. The recent pictures? I PhotoShop myself to look 10 pounds lighter. No, really, I do. (Look, if you're going to be an artist, you might as well get some happiness from it!)

So, they would never recognize me anyway. Because this is what I really look like:


Posted by laurie at April 28, 2005 12:24 PM