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April 15, 2005

Conversation is so overrated.

This starts out like a boring work story but ends up with porn. So, anyway, Hi Dad! Now stop reading!

There is a project manager at work who schedules OBSCENELY early meetings. I had to get up out of my warm bed, on a Friday morning thankyouverymuch, and go to work at this absurd hour, which means I stumbled into the shower with one sock on, and then wasted twenty minutes under the hot water trying to wake myself up, which created an enormous steam cloud, which set off the smoke detector in my hallway, which sent the cats into a frenzy, which made me leave my house with one pant leg covered in cat fur and nothing at all to look forward to in the world.

Then I stood in line in the freezing cold early morning (OK, maybe it was 52 degrees, but in Los Angeles that is FREEZING COLD) and I frowned a lot. And I dreamed of coffee from a spigot flowing directly into my mouth.

Then the bus came.

And HOLY BUS DRIVER, BATMAN, the super cute amazingly HOTT bus driver who drives the 8 a.m. bus also drives the 6 a.m. route. And don't you know suddenly I was digging in my bag for lipstick and doing some casual hair-flipping. At 6 a.m. Oh yes. Oh yes I did.

I tried to knit a few rows on my Mystery Knitted Cat Thingamajig but then I think HE was checking me out in the rearview mirror (shutup, he totally was) and so I got all daring and smiled at him. Which either freaked him out (stalker spinster) or he liked it. We may never know.

Also, I sort of suspect he's 18. Hello, little boy! Would you like some candy? From my pocket? But honestly, not much knitting got accomplished. Because you know, I was having to think about BIG, STRONG ARMS and CUTE, ADORABLE DIMPLES and at the same time trying to appear all mysterious and aloof and cool. (By the way, it's really hard to look mysterious when you're 5-foot-two, chubby, blonde and wearing a Hello Kitty T-shirt. And still half asleep. And are covered in cat hair from the knees down. But whatever.)

If the hard work of looking mysterious and exotic were not enough, I have competition for the PYT Bus Driver. My opponent is blonde, too, but she's married and has three kids (I know this because she is a Loud Talker and we end up on the same bus a few times a week.) It's funny, though, when PYT is driving, she sits right up front and never mentions Darling Husband and Darling Three Children. (Sure it's "funny" all right. If by "funny" you mean BACK OFF WOMAN, HE IS MINE.) And that little spitfire was sitting up front and center this morning, trying to chat up PYT. Of course, his grasp of the Queen's English is tenuous, so it was more like:

Lady in heat: Hi! Good morning! How are you this morning?
HOTT Bus Driver: Hey. (gives the Cholo head-nod)
Lady: So! It's Friday! Big plans for the weekend?
HOTT BD: Ah, nah, you know.
Lady: Hmmm.
Lady: So! How long have you been driving the bus?
HOTT BD: This is the first bus of the day.
Lady: Whu..? Oh. OK. So! Do they let you plan your own routes?
HOTT BD: Uh, a little.
Lady: Because it seems like some drivers take the 101 the whole way, and some take the 5 to the 134 to the 101. So I was just curious what you think.
HOTT BD: Uh, yeah, just whatever looks good.

And so on.

Look, I'm not saying he's a great conversationalist. I don't need conversation, people. I talk to myself all day and I'm great company! I'm more into this for the ... the dimples. Besides, I had eight years of trying to talk to a man. Now, I'm ready for, you know, the not talking part. I'm just saying, ya'll. Talking is waaaaay overrated.

And because this is a knitting website (hmmmm) and because you know my dad totally did NOT stop reading, I leave you with YARN PORN.

Pics of my recent mini-stash acquisition:




Have a great weekend! I'll just be over here looking mysterious and exotic! Oh, and if any of ya'll are going to Stitch Cafe for the sale this weekend, drop me a line. Or comment here. I'll comment back. Ya'll know how I am.

Posted by laurie at April 15, 2005 10:43 AM