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April 15, 2005
Conversation is so overrated.
This starts out like a boring work story but ends up with porn. So, anyway, Hi Dad! Now stop reading!
There is a project manager at work who schedules OBSCENELY early meetings. I had to get up out of my warm bed, on a Friday morning thankyouverymuch, and go to work at this absurd hour, which means I stumbled into the shower with one sock on, and then wasted twenty minutes under the hot water trying to wake myself up, which created an enormous steam cloud, which set off the smoke detector in my hallway, which sent the cats into a frenzy, which made me leave my house with one pant leg covered in cat fur and nothing at all to look forward to in the world.
Then I stood in line in the freezing cold early morning (OK, maybe it was 52 degrees, but in Los Angeles that is FREEZING COLD) and I frowned a lot. And I dreamed of coffee from a spigot flowing directly into my mouth.
Then the bus came.
And HOLY BUS DRIVER, BATMAN, the super cute amazingly HOTT bus driver who drives the 8 a.m. bus also drives the 6 a.m. route. And don't you know suddenly I was digging in my bag for lipstick and doing some casual hair-flipping. At 6 a.m. Oh yes. Oh yes I did.
I tried to knit a few rows on my Mystery Knitted Cat Thingamajig but then I think HE was checking me out in the rearview mirror (shutup, he totally was) and so I got all daring and smiled at him. Which either freaked him out (stalker spinster) or he liked it. We may never know.
Also, I sort of suspect he's 18. Hello, little boy! Would you like some candy? From my pocket? But honestly, not much knitting got accomplished. Because you know, I was having to think about BIG, STRONG ARMS and CUTE, ADORABLE DIMPLES and at the same time trying to appear all mysterious and aloof and cool. (By the way, it's really hard to look mysterious when you're 5-foot-two, chubby, blonde and wearing a Hello Kitty T-shirt. And still half asleep. And are covered in cat hair from the knees down. But whatever.)
If the hard work of looking mysterious and exotic were not enough, I have competition for the PYT Bus Driver. My opponent is blonde, too, but she's married and has three kids (I know this because she is a Loud Talker and we end up on the same bus a few times a week.) It's funny, though, when PYT is driving, she sits right up front and never mentions Darling Husband and Darling Three Children. (Sure it's "funny" all right. If by "funny" you mean BACK OFF WOMAN, HE IS MINE.) And that little spitfire was sitting up front and center this morning, trying to chat up PYT. Of course, his grasp of the Queen's English is tenuous, so it was more like:
Lady in heat: Hi! Good morning! How are you this morning?
HOTT Bus Driver: Hey. (gives the Cholo head-nod)
Lady: So! It's Friday! Big plans for the weekend?
HOTT BD: Ah, nah, you know.
Lady: Hmmm.
Lady: So! How long have you been driving the bus?
HOTT BD: This is the first bus of the day.
Lady: Whu..? Oh. OK. So! Do they let you plan your own routes?
HOTT BD: Uh, a little.
Lady: Because it seems like some drivers take the 101 the whole way, and some take the 5 to the 134 to the 101. So I was just curious what you think.
HOTT BD: Uh, yeah, just whatever looks good.
And so on.
Look, I'm not saying he's a great conversationalist. I don't need conversation, people. I talk to myself all day and I'm great company! I'm more into this for the ... the dimples. Besides, I had eight years of trying to talk to a man. Now, I'm ready for, you know, the not talking part. I'm just saying, ya'll. Talking is waaaaay overrated.
And because this is a knitting website (hmmmm) and because you know my dad totally did NOT stop reading, I leave you with YARN PORN.
Pics of my recent mini-stash acquisition:



Have a great weekend! I'll just be over here looking mysterious and exotic! Oh, and if any of ya'll are going to Stitch Cafe for the sale this weekend, drop me a line. Or comment here. I'll comment back. Ya'll know how I am.
Posted by laurie at April 15, 2005 10:43 AM
Comments
I think you should take a picture of the cute bus driver so we can all have a good look.We might not think he's good enough for you,you know.
and it could be that some people don't have a life and really want to check out cute dudes that drive the bus...and I'm not talking about myself.honest.
Posted by: cara at April 15, 2005 11:20 AM
Nice porn.
Posted by: ~drew emborsky~ at April 15, 2005 11:53 AM
DUDE - Cara just stole the words right off of my fingers!
Posted by: melanie at April 15, 2005 12:05 PM
BAHAHA. oh man, that lady blew it. he totally digs the silent mystery types.. you just give it some time..
Posted by: erika at April 15, 2005 12:39 PM
Dude--me too. I was thinking to myself, we need to get Laurie to utilize her Target-honed superspy photo skills to get a pick of HOTTBD. C'mon, seriously--do it.
Posted by: Ashley at April 15, 2005 12:44 PM
I've been enjoying your blog for the past week and just had to pipe up.....
Keep with the spirit you've had coz it will get you through everything. I like myself a lot better now and discovered "who" I was through all the hell.
It would be a good conversation starter if you ask for the HOTTies picture :)
Posted by: Anne at April 15, 2005 01:03 PM
Talk is overrated, you know? Especially when the only sound he really needs to utter is an occasional grunt and moan at the end.
As for bitch-in-heat....I think I would, along the way ask, "so, how are the hub and kids doing. Now, how long have you been married?" Yeah, but then again, I'm a bitch that way. Ask Jen about MY pretend boyfriend some day.
Posted by: La at April 15, 2005 01:05 PM
I too am super curious about the HOTTBD. A quick shot while you're merging from one highway to the next, he'll totally never notice.
That is some of the craziest yarn I have ever seen. From reading all these knitting blogs through your comments, I'm starting to realize knitting is not all about shetland sweaters and baby booties.
Posted by: jennifer at April 15, 2005 01:07 PM
Oh, you should sit next to her and very loudly ask to see a picture of her husband and kids, the ohhh and ahhh over it and show it to cute busdriver dude, then whisper in her ear "look, he's just NOT that IN to YOU!"
Posted by: chris at April 15, 2005 01:07 PM
Totally agree with Chris.
Or maybe ask her when she'd due.(as in 'wuhuh...your not pregnant?!)
I think a photo of the hootchie papa is in order, especially with your stealth photo skills.
Posted by: Chelee at April 15, 2005 01:24 PM
Yet another hilarious entry. Love the porn. ;-)
Posted by: Rani at April 15, 2005 01:50 PM
now that I've finished cleaning the coffee off my keyboard, i gotta tell ya, she already lost him with the 'do they let you plan your own routes' line. Um, if they did that people would never know where to catch the bus...Having worked for 3 years in public transit I can tell you this, she was the joke of the breakroom that day. And i was nodding along about the talking bit. Especially with a potential boytoy - last time I checked, toys that talk are always disappointing. ;-)
Posted by: gaile at April 15, 2005 01:53 PM
OMG! I'm becoming a Crazy Aunt Purl Stalker but I like it....
I *need* a photo of HOTTTT BD! Use the stealth photo skills. If you look mysterious enough, it will SO work! It will!
Posted by: Rebecca at April 15, 2005 01:54 PM
I've been reading your blog for a few days, and I have to say... you are HILARIOUS. (And by hilarious, I do mean "About to laugh hysterically outloud at work.")
Posted by: Madalyn at April 15, 2005 01:57 PM
Oh my. I must see a picture of this hottie. Especially 'cause I'm a married mama of (almost) three. Hee Hee.
Posted by: amanda at April 15, 2005 03:33 PM
Maybe this is what it takes to increase the use of public transit. Hot bus drivers.
I love the reds of the yarn porn.
Posted by: Jo in Ottawa at April 15, 2005 05:38 PM
I stalked you first!!! My mommy only tried public transit but once in L.A. - it took her 3 hours to get from Valencia to the downtown library. And then she missed the last train home.
Even though we will have a vehicle in L.A. when we visit perhaps I will convince her to try the bus one day. I may be a small dog but I do like the boys. And although Mommy and Daddy are practically married Mommy still likes the young boys too.
I am a good conversation starter - maybe you should bring your cats with you one day. Hmmm on second thought - don't.....
Posted by: minou at April 15, 2005 06:47 PM
You crack me up!!!! Get photos of Mr Hottie!!!!
Posted by: Janis at April 15, 2005 08:24 PM
first of all, you HAVE to take a picture of him. it's totally an ice-breaker, and i promise he won't say no.
but um, DO NOT tell him it's for a blog (he probably wouldn't understand and you don't need to mention the big scary internets).
also don't tell him it's for your female KNITTING FRIENDS, because while true (your female knitting friends are dying for a shot of the dimples, girl), it's an even lamer line than "do you plan your own routes."
-k
p.s. LOVE the phrase 'hootchie papa!"
Posted by: kristy at April 15, 2005 08:29 PM
mmmmmmmm spigots of coffee. half shot, double shot, triple shot, spigot.
Posted by: jenifleur at April 15, 2005 10:04 PM
Do bring the spycam and take a pic of the PYT bus driver. Think of the service you'll be doing for the environment, what with all of the women who will start to take public transit rather than drive the own automobiles.
Posted by: Amy at April 16, 2005 05:33 AM
Toooooooo funny. . Camera phone.....take a pic to the PYT bus driver with a camera phone. I don't have one...bribe a friend with a camera phone to ride with you one morning. Take pic. Blog.
Posted by: Kim at April 16, 2005 09:01 AM
I seriously LOVE me some dimples! Does he have really white teeth? I agree with the others. You must get us a pic asap.
Posted by: Petra at April 16, 2005 12:50 PM
You are one of the funniest people on the internets.
Your ex is OBVIOUSLY an idiot, and you're too cute for him anyway.
Posted by: buttonwillow at April 16, 2005 05:31 PM
You mean I'm not the only one who *swears* that a cute bus driver has checked me out in that big ol' rear view mirror????
Posted by: Jen at April 16, 2005 06:42 PM
Sooooo...do the words "camera phone" mean anything? Go for it Girl!!!
Posted by: Cheryl at April 17, 2005 05:32 AM
I too am becomming an Aunt Purl stalker. I think I must have checked 4 times so far this weekend to see if you posted anything else. Can't wait to see this hottie BD.
Posted by: Amanda at April 17, 2005 06:43 PM
Okay, now I'm stalking you.
You are TOO funny. And you're beautiful, too, so jump on that bus driver. Oh, baby, flirting is so good.
Posted by: Annie at April 18, 2005 07:10 AM
Just offer to pump his gas...
Posted by: Nancy at April 18, 2005 04:08 PM







